[On-screen text graphics]
I Choose Life
Rhea Cabardo
Rhea Mae Cabardo: Choices! Every day, we make choices. And the choices that we make today shape us into the people who we become tomorrow. But the question is, what if the choice that you have to make are guarantees to shape you into someone you won’t know or, even worse, not give you a tomorrow?
You see, more than a year ago, I found out that I have a brain aneurysm. Most people aren’t fortunate to find out until it’s too late. Ruptured brain aneurysms are fatal in 50% of the cases.
[On-screen text graphics]
Source: Brain Aneurysm Foundation
“Ruptured brain aneurysms are fatal in about 50% of cases. Of those who survive, about 66% suffer some permanent neurological deficit”.
Rhea Mae: And the thing is, of the 50% who survive, 66% of them suffer permanent neurological deficit. You see, ruptured aneurysms took the life of my grandfather, my grandma and my auntie, all on my mom’s side of the family. For a whole year, I experienced constant panic attacks and debilitating headaches. Even when the doctors were able to give me medication that would properly take care of my blood pressure, I was still living in a state of complete anxiety. I had no control over my mind, my body, or my emotions at that point. And then to top it all off, in February of this year, I found out news that would completely rattle my brain.
After seeking perspective and opinions from three different neurosurgeons, the last doctor sent my case to a panel of 11 neurosurgeons. After they evaluated it, six of them recommended that I get the surgery. Five of them recommended that I don’t. So, my doctor said to me, you choose if you want the surgery or not. The thing is, he didn’t sugarcoat anything for me. He told me that the procedure would be a craniotomy, and that the aneurysm was in a complicated area.
There were only two outcomes of the surgery: it would be death or I wouldn’t be the same person after the surgery.
I have a question for you: What would you choose? Would you choose the surgery knowing there was no guarantee of the outcome? Or would you decide to just try to ride it out and choose to live life the best you can? Well for me, I chose life. I decided not to do the surgery.
Don’t get me wrong, and I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t scared or that I’m not scared right now. I’m human, and worries and anxieties, well they come and play with heart and my mind from time to time. I mean, for a whole year, before the panel of doctors, my anxiety was through the roof. My medical bills can attest to it. I was in and out of the hospital. My sister can attest to it. Monthly ER visits. It was the constant, “Is this it?!” I’m sure I wasn’t slowing the process down, especially with my blood pressure.
But something changed.
I remember that week, I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was losing control of everything. You know that saying, ‘control what you can control, and the rest you give to God.’ But I didn’t have any control anymore, not even of my own body.
So I gave up. I didn’t give up and lose hope. But if I’m going to be honest with you, there were moments. There were moments where I couldn’t see clearly. I couldn’t think or make decisions. So I gave it up to God. I remember falling to my knees and telling him, “I give up, I give everything to you!”
And at the end, I just asked Him, if He allowed me to live, that I would give myself to Him, in service. And I asked Him if I could be used as His instrument. I call that moment my “King Hezekiah moment.” I asked God to take care of my heart and my mind, and to lead me in all the decisions that I was going to make. And most especially, I asked Him that the Holy Spirit never leave me.
Sister, do you believe in God’s timing? I do. Sometimes, you’re sitting in a worship service, and the minister says something that speaks to exactly what you’re going through at that very moment. I sit there and I always smile and think, “Okay, God, that was on point.”
I had that. I had that instance right before my “King Hezekiah moment,” I was sitting in a worship service and the Executive Minister revealed the theme of this year: “ Believe in, Trust in, and Rely on what God can do for us. “ Hearing that, I knew. I knew that I made the right decision.
The thing is, people can live a long time with a brain aneurysm, but the aneurysm can rupture at any time. But the reality is, nothing is really ever guaranteed, is it? So it all came down to me learning how to believe in, trust in, and rely on what God can do for me.
I know now. I know now that what I’m going through, and what I’ve experienced has been one of the greatest blessings in my life because it forced me to think, “If God was to give me ten days or ten years to live, how would I live my life?”
That’s when it all changed. My mind shifted, and my perspective and thought life switched.
I could no longer sweat the small stuff. If I really wanted to live, I had to make sure my mindset was on point; that I had to be positive and set my eyes to God. The thing is, positivity, everybody hears that right? “Think positive, be positive.” But positivity doesn’t mean that you’re happy all the time. Positivity and being positive means you have hope against all hope. You have faith. And of all the people in this world, wouldn’t it be God’s children who would have the most positivity? Because no matter what happens in this life, God will always be there to help us.
It’s inevitable—we’re all going to go through something. I mean, we hear it in the lessons all the time, right? Especially during our time, we’re going to experience intense trials. But if I have focused on the negative and that’s all that I thought about, I would lose myself. And, well, my blood pressure would go high, and physiologically, we don’t want that to happen.
I realized that nothing was truly in my control. I had to let go and leave it to God. That doesn’t mean “be lazy and do nothing.” I make the intentional daily choice to choose life. What does that mean? I do my best to follow what I’m supposed to do.
Whether it’s instructions from my doctor, perspective from my mentors, and most especially, God’s words. Don’t get me wrong. To be honest, I don’t always follow doctors’ orders, but there are consequences, much like anything else in this life.
So the choices that I have to make are—developing good habits. I have to think positive through the negative things that happen. I also read. I read a lot, I listen to podcasts and audiobooks that help with my mindset.
So, if you’re going to ask me, the thing is, I had to let go of trying to control everything but more or less, and instead, I had to listen intentionally to what God wants, especially what He was saying to us during our worship service. So now, if you were going to ask me what are the mind shifts, mental things that get me through life now, I’d break it down to five things:
#1. Nothing is ever really that bad. Everyone is going through something. I remind myself that my situation is not unique. I actively put myself in other peoples’ shoes. And I think we are all going through something. We all have our own challenges. And when strife, accidents, and unforeseen disasters come, I remind myself it could have been worse. I’m alive, and my family is okay. It’s easy to make a mountain out of a mole hole, but is it worth it? Especially when you know life isn’t guaranteed.
It’s funny because one of the friends I told about my situation was like, “Dude, YOLO! Do you, and have fun!” and I said, “I do!” But you know that acronym YOLO, “You Only Live Once,” the thing is, to one person may not mean the same to another. Because for me, living my best life is making sure that my friends, my family, and my loved ones know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love them. So if I get the chance to spend time with them or have dinner, I’m there. I show up. And when someone pops into my mind, I call them right away, and I say “I love you.” So if I called you, it’s because you popped into my mind, and I love you.
#2. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, so I do my best to fill my days with genuine love and I give love. I share the blessings that God that gives to me every day, and I make the time to show up. I don’t take time and people for granted. You just never know.
#3 Gratitude. I thank God every day for my BORROWED LIFE and Strength. How many of you have heard that in every prayer? “Thank you for my borrowed life and strength.” It means different now to me. Because all of this is borrowed. It’’s not owed to us. Living with constant gratitude, it keeps you grounded and it’s a reminder that all of this is a gift, and that the present is truly a present. Every morning, I get to open my eyes, it’s like unwrapping a gift that I savor and embrace because I know that God gave it to me.
#4 Take time to live in the moment. Don’t dwell on the regrets of yesterday because you know what, you can’t change it. And also, stop worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow because, at this very moment and at this point, it’s all imaginary.
#5 And the last thing, it’s finally deciding to no longer live comfortably in anxiety or allow the negative circumstances of my life to define me. So, guess what? I flipped the script.
I stopped telling myself, “I’m sick, I’m sick, I’m sick.” I’m not sick. I stopped speaking negative things about myself. The thing is, that doesn’t mean I’m in denial of my situation. It means I had to look at everything in a different way. I had to see the blessing in every single situation of my life and trust Him.
So, although in this world, there are no guarantees, we members of the Church Of Christ, we do have a guarantee from God that He will always listen to our prayers and He will never give us more than we could handle.
So, every day, I choose life. What do you choose?
Thank you.
