Managing Time as a Married Couple

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Paolo and Rachelle are busy newlyweds from Burlingame, CA. They share how they juggle their careers, while making time for their marriage, and prioritizing their services to God.

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Managing Time as a Married Couple

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: With the many demands on our daily lives, newly married couples struggle in balancing their time between work, daily tasks, and other obligations. When we find ourselves very busy, is it still a reasonable goal to achieve work-life balance?

Today on the show, we’ll chat with a newlywed couple from Burlingame, California, to talk about how they make time for each other despite their busy schedules, while still prioritizing what truly matters in their relationship.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life

Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Paolo & Rachelle from Burlingame, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2021.

Hey there, Paolo & Rachelle! Thanks so much for agreeing to chat with us today.

Rachelle de Dios: Hi!

Paolo de Dios: Hello!

Myrtle: How are you both doing?

Rachelle: We’re good. Happy to be here.

Myrtle: Oh, well, we’re so glad you joined us. Can you tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you both met?

Paolo: Sure. Rachelle and I, we first met at a Church activity. It was August 2018, and it was a career fair for the Kadiwa [youth in the Church Of Christ aged 18 and up who are unmarried] members. She had just moved from Detroit about a month before that, and, you know, I’m sure she was still learning a lot about the new areas and things like that. Maybe it was coincidence, but yeah, we met through that activity and just kind of went from it.

Rachelle: Yeah, I was new, moving to California. So I was just kind of nervous about everything. But I remember when we were going through some of the notes for this career fair, I was like, “Oh, Paolo’s kind of cute.” I actually knew what to do with all the instructions of this career fair, but I pretended to not know much. So, I was messaging him like, “What are we supposed to wear? What do you mean for this job thing? What do we do?” I kind of just initiated the chatting.

Myrtle: Look at you being sneaky! Way to go for what you want. [laughs]

Rachelle: Woo!

Myrtle: Did you know that she already knew the answers, Paolo, but messaged you on the side just to have an excuse, I guess, to talk to you? Did you know that?

Paolo: Honestly, no. I think when she was messaging me, I thought, like, “Wow, I can really impress her.” You know, “I can tell her exactly what we need to do here. She needs my help.” You know, “I’m going to be that person to support her in her time of need.” But you know, she’s smart.

Myrtle: But how long were you two talking before things became serious, and then when did you get engaged, and finally married?

Rachelle: I want to say talking for about three or four months, and then when we got engaged, a year and a half to two years. That’s when we got engaged.

Myrtle: So today we’re discussing managing time wisely, and for newlywed couples, I’m sure you can very much relate to that because both of you are working. Can you tell us about your careers?

Rachelle: Yeah, so I am the head of strategy. I work in a neurotechnology clinic in Silicon Valley. I work with a lot of different technologies for health, whether it’s brain map scanning, or we’re creating products for speech, or language, or learning, or disabilities, or head trauma. I work on the projects that are involved in that.

Myrtle: It sounds pretty intense.

Rachelle: Yeah, it sounds a lot cooler than I think it is.

Myrtle: Oh [laughs]. And then, Paolo, yourself?

Paolo: I’m a marketing manager and business analyst. So you know, I help different companies kind of build their communication and advertising. In a simple way, I spend their money to sell more things. So kind of a simple job.

Myrtle: Well, it definitely sounds like you both have pretty busy schedules. What does your typical workday look like?

Rachelle: So, we both work from home and we have a sweet little rescue dog that is about 10 months old now. Yeah, it’s a lot of meetings. It’s a lot of back to back meetings on Zoom. And it’s a lot of taking care of Ollie (the rescue dog).

Myrtle: You know, that’s your home and that’s your office, so you’re pretty much together all the time. What do you find most challenging about coordinating your schedules, even though you see each other all the time?

Rachelle: I think the most challenging thing about coordinating our schedules is that we don’t really know what’s going to happen throughout the day. So, every week is different, every day is different. Sometimes I’ll have a meeting, and then we’ll have a meeting at the same time, and then we have Ollie who wants to go out. Or sometimes the days are a little bit longer than we expected, and those get kind of tricky. That’s usually what’s challenging about coordinating our schedules.

So, we’ll try to figure it out as we go. Sometimes one of us will work while the other takes Ollie out. Or sometimes, actually most of the time, Paulo takes Ollie out in the morning, which he’s great about because I take a little bit longer to get ready. But we figure it out.

Paolo: Yeah, I think sometimes, especially working from home, the whole day feels like one big blob of time. So you know, like she said, kind of mapping it out and kind of spacing it as much as possible is really helpful. Otherwise, it’s all noise and we won’t get anything done.

Myrtle: And then do you take lunch breaks together?

Paolo: Totally.

Rachelle: Oh, yeah. All the time!

Paolo: She’s like an amateur chef, for sure, and I’m an amateur eater, so she makes a bunch of stuff. It’s awesome.

Rachelle: He’s good at cooking too though.

Paolo: I think, if anything that’s like the number one advantage of working from home is that we can kind of treat ourselves. We can do things in advance, cook things in advance, eat things in advance.

Rachelle: We eat a lot. And then also with our schedules, I’ll even take time sometimes during the work day to practice for the organ. I’m an organist at our Church, and if I know I’m leading that practice that day, I’ll go over a lot of the notes. I’ll go over a lot of the things I’m going to say during practice, and Paulo is usually really great about giving me that time because I tend to stress out a lot, you know, especially if it’s something I really care about. So he’s been really great at giving me that time.

Myrtle: So despite your busy schedules, how do you still make sure that you spend quality time with one another, and are there specific things that have worked out for both of you?

Paolo: Yeah, I think quality time is really important. I think there are certain things that we can control and if we can, you know, we make sure to plan those things ahead. So for instance, we make sure we have lunch and dinner together no matter what, as long as it’s within our schedules, which it usually is. Even on a, you know, a busy workday or a busy evening, we make sure to make that time for each other. And like I mentioned before, you know, we both love to cook just as much as we both love to eat, so I think sharing those commonalities, it’s something that we need to do every day anyway, so we might as well enjoy it.

Rachelle: Yeah, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. So it’s such a big deal when we’re working from home and we see each other every day. We still get excited though to watch movies in the living room, we get excited to hang out together, we have a lot of hobbies that are similar.

Paulo is actually really into golf now, which is great. You’re good at it now. I feel like you’re really good at golf now. And, ahh, he makes really good steak, so I’m super into steak even more now, because he’s really good at making the perfect medium rare steak. And coffee, which I love, he’s so good at making coffee. You should see the kitchen. I think if anything that we’re going to argue about is kitchen space, because it looks like a coffee shop.

Paolo: That’s true.

Rachelle: But it’s good coffee though, so I still love it. I’m super into basketball, food, being outdoors, and you know he switches those things off, because I know he wasn’t always into basketball too much but now he is. And you weren’t too outdoorsy, but now I feel like you love it unless that’s just for me.

Paolo: Yeah, I mean, I think it’s both. I think I love it, and I love you so I think it kind of goes hand-in-hand.

Myrtle: Aww! Well, you had me at golf, steak and coffee. So I’m coming over. You know, are you free this weekend? [laughs]

Rachelle: Come over.

Myrtle: But you know, what are the things that you enjoy doing when you want to wind down or relax together?

Paolo: Some simple things that we never take for granted is getting some snacks or even popcorn, she loves buttery, buttery popcorn, and just watching a movie together and winding down. I think that’s something that we always look forward to. Also we just like to hang out and just kind of either lounge on the couch, kind of relax and not really work or stress or do anything, but just be there together.

Myrtle: Well, you know, last season we had an episode that covered being fully present without the distractions of phones, computers, tablets, and the like. How do you deal with this challenge since you both work from home?

Rachelle: Yeah, in the beginning, we were distracted by our phones and our laptops. It was pretty difficult because we both work from home, so technology is super big in our lives. And even when the work was over, we’d still be glued to our phones.

But we’re really good about always having lunch together and dinner together. I think food really does bring us together, and it was a no-phone zone because we enjoy it that much. We try our best to put our phones away for the moments that we actually get to hang out with each other. And luckily, we’re addicted to watching those shows and movies so we probably wouldn’t be checking our phones anyway. Yeah, I’m just glad that we were able to do that together.

Myrtle: And you’re both officers in the Church Of Christ. Rachelle, you mentioned that you’re an organist and then, Paolo, I believe you’re in the choir too, right? So how does that impact your schedules, having to, you know, go to choir practices and things like that?

Paolo: Rachelle is [a] choir organist and I’m an assistant choir leader in our local congregation. Rachel’s been an organist for, I don’t know, forever. Like, she’s been an organist since she was a child and I’ve been in the choir since then, too. We’re kind of used to it, in a sense, to prepare for, you know, worship services, to prepare for our duties and our responsibilities in the Church. This is something that I think getting married and living together, it’s something that we had to keep in mind too, not only individually but together.

Rachelle: Yeah, and sometimes we actually need to cut our workdays short because of those added responsibilities. We’re both in leadership, so especially during the days we have leadership meetings we actually have to stop working just so that we can attend that. And we do our best to prepare and practice before the worship service, because we really do value our duties as choir members in the Church.

Myrtle: So what does work/church/life balance mean to both of you?

Rachelle: It means everything. I mean, it was super difficult at the beginning of our marriage to really balance it all. And the good thing about us, which is why I think we work so well as a couple, is that we actually prioritize Church duties before everything.

Paolo: Yeah, I agree. And no matter what comes in our lives, and no matter how difficult it can be, it’s really our faith that really, not only brings everything together but really, provides us the blessings that we need in this life.

Myrtle: Absolutely. But how did you learn to manage your time? Were there time management tips that you learned before getting married?

Paolo: I think the biggest thing that really taught us was just living in it. I think a lot of the experience that we had, early on especially, that’s what really kind of drove it home or really kind of fast forwarded our learning. And when it comes to, you know, time management, when it comes to living together as a married couple and really balancing everything together, the first few months of marriage was really hard. We were trying to prioritize our own lives and we were trying to, you know, navigate through this brand new life together. It was really hard, really difficult, but you know with God’s help and just the blessing that comes from marriage, I think we really grew to understand each other, and really understand how to better plan for our life.

Rachelle: We were both Kadiwa officers before getting married, and Kadiwa is that youth group in the Christian Family Organization for those 18 and up who are unmarried. And our local congregation actually had great time management tips in a workshop that we actually still utilize today. They talked about different apps you can use to be organized, Google Sheets. We also talked about having daily schedules, which we actually use all the time.

Myrtle: What a great idea for a workshop that I think would be beneficial for all age groups, really. And actually at this point, I want to know what the Bible has to say about making time to strengthen marriage relationships.

Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, is here with us again on the podcast. Hello, Brother Felmar! Thanks for joining us again.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, everyone. So our topic today—making quality time to strengthen the marriage relationship. However, when it comes to this, fulfilling that without cutting work hours or time for other commitments and, above all, without compromising on our spiritual obligations, you know, trying to accomplish all of this, for others it sounds impossible.

Others might not even bother to try, you know, to work this out, meaning they might say something like, “Well, we have to make compromises somewhere, because it’s either we take time off from work, or we absent ourselves from other activities, or we lessen our time for each other, because we can’t just do all of it on the regular.” But what we want to share with everyone today is that it is possible, and here’s how. The Bible teaches us this in the book of Matthew, chapter 19, the verse is 26. We’ll quote from the English Standard Version:

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

[Matthew 19:26 English Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: As members of the Church Of Christ we have heard this truth many times: “With God all things are possible.” It’s in the Bible. The Lord Jesus Himself taught this so why would we not believe it, right?

But just in case there’s a part of us that’s going, “Okay, but how will God make it possible? How will He make it possible for me to have time for my career, to have time for my Church duties, and to have time for my marriage, and even have time for myself? All of this on a regular basis? How?”

Here’s the answer to that question. The Bible teaches this. We’ll read Philippians this time, chapter two, the verse is 13, here in the International Standard Version. I quote the following:

For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.

[Philippians 2:13 International Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: You see, the reason people tell themselves sometimes, “It’s too hard to make regular quality time for my family,” or “It’s too hard to keep pursuing my life goals,” or “It’s too hard to hold onto my duty,” is because maybe they’re looking at themselves thinking, “I lack the ability.” You know, “My time management skills are poor,” or “I’m no good at logistics.” Or they lack the desire, the motivation, the energy, the drive, or they lack both. However, according to the Bible, what can God do for us? He can produce in us both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him.

Therefore, if we want to level-up on our time management with married life, work, and above all our spiritual life, the only way to succeed is to seek God. Why? Because He’s the only One who can truly increase both the desire and the ability we need to do all the right things in life, including the things we want to do for ourselves and our marriage that are in accordance with His will.

So, having said that, Paulo and Rachel, what I’d love to ask you is: “Can you attest that what the Bible says here is true?” We heard from the Scriptures earlier that the Lord God produces in us the desire and the ability. In your life, especially in this recent year plus where, you know, you got married and you’re newlyweds now, how has God increased the motivation that we need so that we can see to all of our responsibilities in life, especially when it comes to our spiritual life?

Paolo: One of the important things that we noticed, whether it’s in our marriage or I think even in our lives before we joined together, was, we were blessed enough to be in our duties [while] in our childhood. A lot of the energy, a lot of the motivation we learned comes from kind of pushing forward. We have our duties, you know, we have our obligations and our family, and now we have each other. Fulfilling the duties that we have really gave us the strength, the energy, and the drive, and also the direction coming from the Holy Spirit. Rach has a great quote: “Faith over fear,” and I think that also helps with that, right?

Rachelle: Mmmhmm. What Paulo said is so true. We were very motivated through our duties but also just our faith in general every time. I think we were surprised by how marriage was and I think a lot of newly [wed] couples can attest to that. You know, you’re so excited, the wedding is done, and then you get to life and it’s not as easy as we thought it was going to be. We learned so much.

And during those difficult times, I think what kept us motivated was our faith, was the fact that God will continue to bless us if we trust in Him and we trust in each other. That’s something that really kept us motivated through everything.

Brother Felmar Serreno: I like what you both shared there that the faith is what gave you direction. Our faith is what gives all of us direction. When we have that direction, when things are clear, why wouldn’t you be motivated? You know exactly where you’re going.

But the Bible teaches that God also promises to develop in us or produce the ability, right, which is also important, because sometimes you’re motivated, you want to do it, but you may lack the ability. Like what Rachelle mentioned, you were surprised that, you know, it’s not as easy. Getting married is exciting. It’s happy, right? But then you start to settle in, into living together, working together at married life, and yeah, it’s not that easy to say the least. So, have you also seen, since you have been married, that God is producing in us the ability to adapt, to grow, without compromising on our other responsibilities, right, to family to work, especially when it comes to our spiritual life? Has God done this for you?

Paolo: I definitely, definitely believe so. One of the biggest things that I’ve learned, and that I believe God gave me the ability to learn, is to be understanding and patient. Living with someone who I’ve only dated and seen, you know, every couple of days in a week, now all of a sudden, we’re with each other every single hour of the day. It’s amazing, it’s exciting, but it also adds a lot of different experiences and perspectives. I believe God gave me the ability to really understand much clearer and have a better view of my wife, a view of our life together.

Rachelle: Yeah, to also follow up with that, [Brother] Felmar, I think God granted a lot of new abilities for me that I don’t think I had before, which was also patience. I think I would have given up so many times before, and I’m actually really glad that I didn’t get married until my 30s. And because of that, I think, yeah, the patience and then the understanding like Paulo said, I learned so much but God really gave me that ability to not give up, to keep an open mind, to keep an open heart, to really put trust in God. Because if this was the old me, I think I would have been scared of a lot of these situations, and a lot of these new things, but God also granted more faith, and He gave me more bravery. We’re now learning about another person. Even though you’re married, you’re still learning every day and I think that’s going to continue.

Brother Felmar Serreno: That’s awesome to hear that from the both of you, you know, attesting to what Scripture teaches us, that God really does produce in us the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that we need to do the things that are pleasing to Him, and to do the right things in life that would also set us up for a good future. Things like patience, understanding, how to handle new experiences, these things are not automatic to us, right? These are things that we really have to learn. We have to practice, we have to master, we have to gain the ability to do it.

Now at this part, for those who are hearing this and they heard your answers when it comes to what God has done for you, and they’re at the stage in their life where, you know, they need that. You know, they want that from God, that He would produce in them the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that are needed in marriage, and in being Christians or members of the Church of Christ, serving God and getting through this life. So, what did the two of you do to convince God to help you out? How did you convince Him to give you the desire, the motivation, as well as the abilities?

Rachelle: How did we convince our Almighty God? We’ve had the same devotional prayer at 10:15pm, and we never miss it no matter what. That’s something that we started when we were even just starting to date and it’s continued to our marriage. Through prayer, I truly believe that’s what helped us the most. I think God is still with us, because we never neglect to call unto Him, and there’s so many times where I think we even prayed more besides our devotional prayer times, extra prayers, times where we needed Him the most. I think our faith through Him is what has helped us.

Paolo: Yeah, I agree 100% with everything that Rachelle said. I think another big thing too, we definitely humbled ourselves. I for sure humbled myself, because I knew I was lacking, you know, not only for God but also for her to be honest. But yeah, humbling ourselves and really understanding too that there’s a lot more that can be done. There’s a lot more to be happy about and to be really thankful for, so that was a huge thing for us and for me personally too. I think that’s what’s helping us grow, you know, as a married couple, as individuals too, and I think most especially in our faith and our duties.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Wow. Well, I hope that also inspires everyone who’s tuning in today. You know, prayer, always communicating with God, that’s something that’s also been consistent in our podcast right, Myrtle? And you know, if you think about it, when it comes to family, or our friends, right, staying in touch with those that we care about and those who care about us, you strengthen the relationship, right? You naturally strengthen the relationship when you are regularly communicating with your friends or your family. So, the more we talk to God through prayer, our relationship with Him is also strengthened, and because our relationship with God is strengthened, and we live by His commands, we’re doing what pleases Him, we will be able to convince our Almighty God to answer our prayers, to give us the motivation and the abilities that we need to succeed in life, in our marriage, and most of all in our faith.

So, thank you very much for answering those questions. I’m going to hand it back to Myrtle now. To everyone else, thank you again for always joining us on Happy Life. See you all next time.

Myrtle: Thanks so much, Brother Felmar, for those very inspiring Bible verses and reminders that you shared with all of us today.

So, we talked about how important it is for you to spend quality time together, but you know there’s all this talk about self care. So, when you need to have alone time, or decompress, or relieve stress, what are your favorite things to do on your own?

Paolo: I think one of the ways that I de-stress, it’s working out in our home gym. You know we made, I think during COVID a lot of people including us, we made our own home gym. I work out, just have that time to myself, listening to music, either lifting weights or doing cardio, and it’s something that, you know, I do for myself. I think physical exercise can really relieve stress. I think also having that time to yourself, to really care for yourself, is really important and healthy, and that’s one of the things that I do to kind of de-stress and kind of unwind.

Rachelle: Yeah, and to preface, our home gym is in our garage next to some trash cans. It’s a really good gym though. You should be really proud. I know Paulo is really proud of it, but the home gym sounds so extravagant, but it’s a small little gym in our garage. But I agree. Working out, playing sports, is a super good time to decompress and relieve stress. I also do some writing on the side. I think that’s also helped me decompress. It’s one of my, kind of,newish favorite things to do since the pandemic. So that’s stayed and it’s been kind of fun.

Myrtle: So,with all your making time for your alone time, making time for your together time, making time for work, making time for your Church duties, you know, why do you give so much importance to your Church duties and to prioritizing God and serving Him?

Rachelle: Our Church duties are what actually drew us together in the first place when we first started dating. Our duties are very important to us and we can relate to the schedules that are involved with that.

Paolo: Yeah, and you know with both our workplaces, we made it a fact to let them know, our coworkers, about our faith, about the importance of our duties, and also what that entails as far as our obligations at work versus at Church. So they know that our duties come first and that we really set aside that time. Since they knew about that from the very beginning, it really paved the way to make it not as difficult to make that time for our duties, for our faith, for Church activities, and other things like that.

Myrtle: We talked about how important it is to have Church duties, and we also heard that it is possible to kind of juggle it all. What would your advice be to newlyweds who are hesitant about taking on more responsibility at Church because of time constraints and busy schedules?

Rachelle: It always works out. At those times when we actually didn’t prioritize our responsibilities at Church, we actually saw how that affected our marriage as well. It wasn’t a good thing when we didn’t prioritize our responsibilities in Church. When we feel closer to God, that’s when we [feel] stronger and closer to each other. If both partners have responsibilities at Church, you end up having a lot more in common with everything else in life too.

Paolo: Yeah and I think that’s really important. When you see that motivation and that love coming from your partner in their duties, it really motivates you to do the same, you know. And because it’s both of our priorities to stay within our faith, to stay within our duties, and that we both put God first in our lives, it really shows how great they are, you know, at taking care of not only responsibilities in their faith, but also other responsibilities in their life, especially our marriage.

Myrtle: Yes, for sure. And if you can share or try to summarize, how do you think that you have been blessed by God by putting your Church duties first?

Paolo: The biggest way that God really blessed us, I think it was the peace that He continues to provide to us. In the beginning, you know, we had a lot of challenges, a lot of things to learn from one another. But I think because we prioritized our faith and our duties, God really gave us the patience, and the understanding, and the humility to really grow and learn together.

Rachelle: And how else we’ve felt so blessed, with putting our duties first, is that even though life is so messy, and with the new things of marriage life can get kind of crazy and there’s all these challenges, but when we look around, God has blessed our lives in so many ways. We have each other, we have our jobs, we have our dog that we love so much, and we have so much to look forward to in the future, and it’s exciting and we never would have been here without God.

And there were probably times where we might have taken it for granted or there might have been times where we took our responsibilities at Church for granted, and it showed us that it’s scarier and it’s harder when God is not there. But when He is, it’s amazing and everything that you’re scared about, or everything that you have fears about, it just goes away. God shows you that it’s going to be okay, and it’s just been amazing. It’s funny, because I feel like we’ve been married only for a little bit, but then I also feel like I’ve been married forever. So, yeah.

Myrtle: Well what you’ve said, it was beautifully put, you know, that you can feel God’s blessings in your lives.

I thank you so much, Rachelle and Paolo, for sharing what your busy schedules are like and how you manage to balance at all. We’re sure that many of our listeners can also relate to trying to find that balance and to striving to make time for what really matters in your lives. And for you, that’s your duties inside the Church Of Christ. So again, thank you for joining us on Happy Life.

Paolo & Rachelle: Thank you.

Myrtle: Work-life balance may be quite a challenge to achieve for many newlyweds as they embark on a new chapter in their lives, but we learned that there is a way that we can still do what matters most to us.

We’ve come to the end of our discussion for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Christian Brotherhood

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In this first episode of our “Thank You Series,” we hear about a friendship that has lasted over 30 years. Brother Eric Waterman surprises Brother Bob Pellien to thank him for the impact and change he’s had in his life. It’s a heartfelt conversation between two ministers of the gospel whose lives are connected by their duty and love for God.

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Aliw Pablo: Hi, Brother Eric, thank you so much for joining us. And before we bring on our guest that you’re going to thank, can you tell us a little something Brother about who you’re going to be thanking today?

Brother Eric Waterman: Today, I’m thanking Brother Bob Pellien. I met Brother Bob Pillien back in 1989, he introduced me to my beautiful wife and then he married my son, and he’s been there on all the important occasions of my life and always been there whenever I needed him, good times, bad times, storms and sunny days and rainy days. You know, just a real solid brother, a really nice friend, you know, could never count your blessings. But he’s one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Aliw Pablo: From INC Media Audio, this is Making Changes, a podcast about the changes we go through and the life lessons we learn along the way…always with God by our side. I’m your host, Aliw Garcia Pablo.

Hi everyone! Welcome to season 2 of Making Changes. I know it’s been a while we’re really excited to share this new season with you. You know, it’s not surprising that everyone who works on this podcast loves to hear stories about big life changes, the pivotal moments in our lives when everything begins to shift. But lately, we’ve also been talking a lot about those friends, acquaintances, sometimes, complete strangers—those individuals who become instrumental in making these big changes in our lives. And that’s exactly what brought us to season 2 of Making Changes.

We’re calling this our “Thank You” series—it’s basically surprise phone calls or video calls to people who have made a positive change in someone’s life, and it’s a chance to say thank you.

Today, we’ll hear from Brother Eric Waterman, a minister of the gospel who will be talking to a friend and fellow minister who has had a great impact in his life for over 30 years. Let’s listen in…

Brother Eric Waterman: Good morning, Brother Bob. How are you there?

Brother Bob Pellien: Brother Eric! Nice to hear from you, Brother. We haven’t talked in a long, long time. How have you been? How’s the family?

Brother Eric Waterman: Oh we’re very well, Brother.

Brother Bob Pellien: So are you getting old yet?

Brother Eric Waterman: Yes, I hit the big 65 last year. So I’m officially a senior citizen. So I have my senior moments now. So but I try, I try my best to be happy.

Brother Bob Pellien: There you go.

Brother Eric Waterman: Brother Bob, I just wanted to take the moment to really from the bottom of my heart, really, thanks for always being there. Always being a great friend. And always for the constant reminders, the advice, your kindness, the care, the counsel. You know, you’ve counseled me with my mom, with my ministry and my membership with my wife, with my family and with my kids. I mean, whenever I needed it, it just seemed like I got through to you, you know, and like, you were you were the cavalry, man. You were always you know, when I was surrounded, and the Indians were all around me, you would always just say, Brother, you know, we’re sending the cavalry. And every time you know, it was just there. And, you know, that’s what friends are for, you know, to the good times.

Brother Bob Pellien: We really consider you Brother Eric, a very dear friend and an important part of our family and our life too. But no need to thank me because it’s God that is good. You know, and you know that as a Minister, and I’m sure you tell that to members of the Church all the time. It’s God, that’s good. You know, and if ever I have shared anything with you, that has helped you or then I join you in thanking God for that, because, you know, you’ve been awesome for the Church, you have touched the lives of many and you know, if you consider me even a small part of, of your life and becoming who you are, well, I join you in thanking God for that. You’re pretty awesome, too. And I’m glad to see that you’re there and happy and performing your ministry, like you are, you know. Must be the upstate New York in you, I guess.

Brother Eric Waterman: Well, I don’t really know, you know. The work ethic, you know, you really set the bar quite high. And when we used to do our landscaping projects and those…

Brother Bob Pellien: You remember that?

Brother Eric Waterman: Yes, those improvement projects Brother Bob was like the ‘energizer bunny’ never slept and he’s always on the go, go, go. There’s always something to do, something to repair, something to paint, something to plan. And then we always were able to get on the road. (audio fade, conversation under VO)

Aliw Pablo: And with that, these two brothers who are both from New York, went down memory lane and went thirty years back and began recalling everything from gardening projects at the chapel compound, to long drives to visit local congregations…to late night pecan pie a la modes.

Brother Eric Waterman: And then do you remember the late night counseling sessions at Denny’s with the pecan pie and the alamode?

Brother Bob Pellien: I remember those days. We couldn’t finish the day without swinging by at the end of the day, usually like midnight. Get our pecan pie ala mode. Don’t forget the ala mode. You got to have a little vanilla ice cream there with that, right?

Brother Eric Waterman: How about the old days when you did the recording upstairs in CWS (Children’s Worship Service) Chapel of LA, that little room with one machine with one camera?

Brother Bob Pellien: Oh, yes, yes, that was, that was a different time. The Church media Brother Eric now has really, really grown since those days, I tell you. Since those L.A. days when we used to be up there and that second floor and behind the LA chapel.

Brother Eric Waterman: And that big tape machine with the big thick tape. The big…

Brother Bob Pellien: 400 pounds thing. Yes.

Brother Eric Waterman: You always inspired me. And then those were after days of planting, doing landscaping, doing visitation, doing all kinds of things. And then we’d go there in the middle of the night because of the traffic in LA. And then you’d record. And then those were the miracle moments where really God guided us home, holding on to the steering wheel as you were making your way back home.

Brother Bob Pellien: Yes, I’m very thankful to you, too Brother Eric, because you stuck with me, during all those late night works at the studio there in LA along with Brother Ed Maranan. You know, we were a good team. And I am thankful that you are always there to point the camera in the right direction.

Brother Eric Waterman: Everything was new to me.

Aliw Pablo: And it was at this point in the conversation when Brother Bob went back to that very first day they met in 1989 when Brother Eric was a guest at one of the worship services that Brother Bob officiated. Based on that first meeting, no one could have guessed this is how it was all going to turn out.

Brother Bob Pellien: You know. It’s so thrilling to see you having joined the ministry and come so far and and since then, because when you first arrived and we were doing our bible exposition or it was a worship service maybe, but I remember coming out to the lobby, reaching out my hand you know, you were a newcomer there, reach out my hand, shake your hand, welcome you. Before even saying “Hello, nice to meet you.” Any kind of normal thing. Do you remember what you said? I remember, remember it explicitly. You said not like “Hello” or anything…you said, “I’m not staying, you know, I’m just here because of this guy that I drove. I’m not staying so and I won’t be here again.” But well, you know, I remember thinking to myself, well, “That’s what you say right now. We’ll see what God says, you know?” And sure enough, again, I don’t know if you remember so but the next day, you were there! You came back!

Brother Eric Waterman: And that was a two hour drive from Newport. You know, with the traffic, I had to go through three freeways. And then everybody that knew me said, “You’re out of your mind. You’re going to East LA, you’re on the beach, why would you go to East LA, there’s no purpose there.” So I remember the Bible studies upstairs. You know, when you have the overhead. Brother Bob this is a true story, huh? I thought everybody in that room was a Bible student. Come to find out, I’m the one turning the overheads. I’m the Bible student. And all the others were the officers of the church that were there. It was a really enjoyable time there. And I learned a lot about…

Brother Bob Pellien: You did that for the whole time I was assigned there in San Gabriel Valley. You were, you became, you kind of adopted that duty to help make those slides and project them up on the screen while I was reading the verses. You were pretty awesome at that.

Brother Eric Waterman: And I really thought that this is the only way of God’s plan for me to be saved. It’s got to be the end of days, you know, I’ve already experienced three lifetimes before I met you. I mean, I had a really colorful life. It was quite a blessed life. And then “No, brother, you’ll have to wait another month.” And I’m like, “Oh, but what about the Holy Supper.” And so anyway, we waited another month, and then I got baptized, and then the last Holy Supper was up someplace in Washington. So brother, Bob, I remember that I was excited to get baptized, and then all my sins be forgiven me. So the one day I got baptized, and then the next day, I’m asking to be forgiven of my sins. And I remember the Minister saying, boy, this brother must have had life before. So I really thought that it was the end of days. And it really, I’m just amazed because you used to always say, “Just watch Brother Eric, just watch the Church and its growth.” And you used to say that to me all the time that “you ain’t seen nothing yet.” So when I came over to the Philippines in ‘91, I was like a fish out of water. I had no idea what to expect over here and I was able to meet the Executive Minister and shook his hand and we were able to go to the museum. And it was really a surreal moment, you know, and I walked into the museum and Sir, Brother Eraño Manalo was asking me why are you here, Brother? And I said, “to show the Administration my heart.” And it was really from that moment on, you know, and even on my ordination, Sir, Brother Eraño Manalo was saying, “you might be wondering why you’re here.” And I was like, “Yes, I’m the last one that I thought would be here.” And he said, direct to me, it felt to me every time you know, he talks it seems straight to the heart. Same with you. You know, that’s why I kept coming back to the worship service. You know, there were 200 people in that congregation. But every time you preached, it was like, man, pow, right between the eyes. And you know, the truth is something that we can’t deny. You either are in it, or you’re not in it. And I had to realize that really, God was having a purpose and plan.

Brother Bob Pellien: You know, Brother Eric, one of the most wonderful things in my life, is watching someone like yourself and watching yourself specifically, from the moment you said, I’m not here for any reason, I’m not coming. I’m just driving this and I was Wilfred Mercurio, I remember, and I’m just driving for him. And, you know, I’m not, I’m not here, I want, you know. From that moment, until the moment when you so dearly wanted to attend the holy supper and be baptized. And, you know, watching that transition, you know, watching you go from that person who was so insistent, I don’t need any baptism. I don’t need anything I don’t need. I’m not here, you know, and then you just, I don’t know what happened overnight while you slept or whatever because you came back the next day, and there you go, like, what’s this all about, you know, what’s going on here, kind of thing.

Brother Eric Waterman: Well, Brother Wilfred, he came down the next day, and I lived in a guard gated community with a you know, the intercom and camera. In those days, you know, you kind of didn’t let anyone into your neighborhood or your house. And he stood outside my house until I answered the door. And I’m like, oh geez! So he really missionized me and really tried his best.

Aliw Pablo: Listening to both Brother Bob and Brother Eric reflect on what they’ve gone through all these years, I couldn’t help but notice how grateful they are for one another—they have that kind of friendship that one could only hope for.

Brother Bob Pellien: Brother Eric, you know the memories that I have in the early days with you are memories that I will cherish forever. You know, I’m so thankful and so thankful that our friendship has continued to blossom over the years. And I’m so thankful that you and your son now are in this Holy Ministry, and have been helping the Church Administration do all the things that you’ve been doing. God bless you for that. And what a great blessing you’ve been to the Church.

Brother Eric Waterman: Brother Bob, I just like the thank you again. You know, you’ve been a role model to me. I remember so many times you taking under your wings, so many people that were complete strangers to you, you know there were those that we sought out that were lost, you bound up that which was broken.

Brother Bob Pellien: Like I said, you know, I don’t take any of those things to myself, you know, I’m thankful to God that if ever I had such kind of impact on anybody, it’s God who has been there and doing that. We’re just, we’re just a mouthpiece. We’re just an instrument that I and I know that’s what you teach to the ministerial students under your care nowadays, and congratulations on being trusted with that great duty by the Church Administration.

Brother Eric Waterman: Brother Bob, really, I appreciate everything that you’ve done for our life and for so many. And I know you’re just a humble guy, and you just will say that I’m just serving God but really, words can never express how much I love you, brother.

Brother Bob Pellien: Those are very kind words, Brother Eric. We love you, too. Give a hug to Sister Geralyn and Brother Cameron and Brother Tristan the next time that you see them. And I know you got a Worship Service you need to get to. So get to it. Get to it. And God bless you, Brother Eric. God bless you.

Aliw Pablo: Thank you brothers for letting us be part of your conversation. And it really is truly inspiring, brothers seeing the kind of love, friendship, and respect for your duties and for each other, and for those under your care. But, Brother Eric, before we go, we are just, with everything that you’ve mentioned, brother, with, you know, over 35 years of friendship with Brother Bob, what would you say Brother has been the biggest change or impact that Brother Bob has had on your life?

Brother Eric Waterman: He taught me what integrity means.

Brother Bob Pellien: That is such a nice thing to say, Brother Eric. God bless you. And you’ve shown your fair share of integrity and honor. And with all the Ministers in the Church doing that the world will learn it from true Ministers.

Aliw Pablo: And Brother Bob, your friendship has lasted decades. What would you say, Brother Bob is the importance of friendships like these? Why are these types of friendships important, especially when you’re in the ministry? And you’re able to share your ministerial journeys together, brother?

Brother Bob Pellien: Well, you know, I never had a son. And I would, I would see everyone that comes in like part of the family, you know. Brother Eric became part of our family. You know, you have the same birthday, of course with our daughter, Naomi, and they, every year she actually puts a big stuffed animal that you gave her on the chair at the table and always says that’s Brother Eric, you know. Sometimes, some people just are the mirror of what you hope to be and what if I had a son what I would hope my son to be, you know, grow and become someone with honor, with integrity, with strong faith, with a love of the Church Administration, you know, and Brother Eric, is that. How could you not be a friend to someone like that? You know, how could you not love someone like that, you know? If everyone knew that depth of Brother Eric’s love as well, they would consider him a friend too, if they had the chance to be. And I’m honored to be counted as a friend of Brother Eric.

Aliw Pablo: Special thanks to Brother Eric Waterman and Brother Bob Pellien for sharing the story of their friendship and a special bond of brotherhood that has withstood the test of time. Now is there someone that has made a huge change and impact in your life that you’d like to thank? We’d love to hear from you! Send us a dIrect message on our instagram account @makingchangespodcast, and we’d love to connect you with an old friend, classmate, teacher or anyone who you want to thank.

If you enjoyed what you heard today, be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you’ll always be up to date with our latest episodes. And while you’re at it, feel free to leave us a review wherever you get your podcasts. As always, thanks for listening and may your change uplift you!

Communication in Intercultural Marriage

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Cindy and Michael are both from Belgium but they had different upbringings and grew up in different areas of the country. Find out how these contrasts resulted in some challenges in their marriage.

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[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Someone catches your eye, his or her personality is attractive, you get along well, and you start falling for this person. You live in the same country, but there’s actually a language barrier. Today, we’ll meet Michael and Cindy, from Belgium, and they’ll share what it was like in the beginning of their cross-cultural relationship and how they’re doing now as newlyweds.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage.

I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life

Myrtle: As mentioned earlier, our newlyweds today are from Belgium. Hi, Michael and Cindy. We hope you’re both doing well over there.

Cindy Van Acker: I’m doing very good. Thank you so much, Myrtle, for your time for today.

Michael Van Acker: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you for having us and happy to be here.

Myrtle: So would you two mind giving us a little background information on where you both grew up?

Michael: I was born in Zele. Zele is a very small town in Belgium, a small community. Almost everyone knows each other, a lot of greens and nature close by. My dad, he is a Belgian while my mom is a Filipina.

Myrtle: You were born and raised in Zele.

Michael: Yes, I was born in Zele and also raised.

Myrtle: Oh wow. That’s pretty awesome. So how about you, Cindy?

Cindy: For myself, my parents are both Filipino. I grew up in the capital city of Brussels, Belgium.

Myrtle: And now do you still live in Brussels or Zele or did you both move somewhere else?

Michael: Now we are living in Schoonaarde, also in Belgium of course, and it’s about 45 minutes driving from the capital city, Brussels.

Myrtle: Okay, so a little bit on the outskirts up in the suburbs maybe. So, we talked previously and you mentioned that, although you live in the same country, you speak different languages, right?

Cindy: Yes. It is correct, Myrtle. Actually, in Belgium, we speak different languages. But it actually depends [on] where you live. Usually we speak French, Dutch or German. But for myself, since I live in the capital city of Brussels, I speak and am fluent in French.

Michael: And since I grew up in a Dutch area, I’m speaking Dutch. It’s my mother language. So actually, we don’t speak each other’s languages.

Myrtle: That is so interesting. Okay, wait, I have to ask you both. How do you say happy life in Dutch and then in French?

Michael: In Dutch, it’s gelukkig leven.

Myrtle: Okay, I will not even try to repeat that. [laughs] Cindy, how do you say it in French?

Cindy: La vie heureuse.

Myrtle: Oh wow, that is so cool. So what was it like trying to talk to each other in the beginning when you first met?

Michael: We [have to] go way back. We actually met each other when we were still teenagers.

Myrtle: Oh, young love? [laughs]

Cindy: Yes, indeed. Since we met when we were teenagers, the only language that we actually could speak was English. But back then, our English was terrible, especially mine. I really had to learn and practice it every single day. We had so many misunderstandings back then. We had a hard time [expressing] ourselves in English, so we had less patience of course before, since we both have different mother languages, because obviously [it’s] easier to speak in our own language. But to look back [there were] actually very funny moments and conversations.

Myrtle: I can imagine.

Michael: But now of course we are older, so we have more experience, more patience. So our English improved a lot and is much better right now.

Myrtle: So in school you both, like you said, Cindy, you spoke French fluently and, Michael, you’re Dutch, in school was English something you had to learn as well?

Cindy: For myself, it was actually mandatory to learn Dutch and English. Since in English we had to use it in our courses and of course for Church. Actually, English I learned it in Church, because I needed to communicate. But for example, in Dutch I’ve actually studied it for so many years, I think more than seven years, but since I don’t practice it every single day I am not good. So, basically I speak French every single day.

Myrtle: And how was learning English for you, Michael, in school?

Michael: Also [I] was obligated to take that course in high school already starting from the second year, I believe, and then up to the sixth year. But then when we had the college life there, also some courses were in English. So through the years, English became more and more the main language in my life.

Myrtle: Okay so, you know, aside from the language barrier, did you learn that you had other cultural differences that you noticed as well?

Michael: Oh, yes. Cindy is more of a big city woman, while I grew up with a more of a country lifestyle. And I’m also more conscious about what to consume, while Cindy is more a consumer mindset. She buys with convenience since everything is close to her, for example, grocery stores.

Myrtle: So have you noticed whether this has led you to maybe approach situations or tasks differently too?

Cindy: Yes, actually, Myrtle. For example, if Michael has something in mind, he will tend to do it directly, or even immediately, and finish it right away. He’s someone that hates and avoids postponing things, but for me, I’m more thoughtful or take time to ponder. I’m someone that needs to think if it’s really necessary to address it now.

So for example, we were speaking about having a new kitchen in our new house. Michael wanted directly to have a picture in front of him, search prices to see how much it will be, determine how much time [it will] take, how big or how small [we can] go. He wants all those details immediately.

Michael: Well, Cindy on the other hand, she will think about it first. Then make a plan for how it will look like but not really focusing on the exact details. She will plan first and finalize details later.

Cindy: Also I think for myself, when it comes to speaking, I am a more direct person. I will say things, what is actually on my mind. Michael [will] try to avoid conflict. My attitude is, like, also more expressive than Michael’s. Michael prefers things to be more relaxed, more calm. It’s okay. It’s alright. [laughs] But for myself, I’m more adventurous and maybe will take more risks than Michael.

Michael: Yeah, for example, I will rather not jump off a cliff or bungee jump. I will never do that. But Cindy would love to do that. It’s on her bucket list.

Myrtle: [laughs] Oh, oh you’re an adventure seeker huh, Cindy?

Cindy: Yes.

Myrtle: You know people say, ‘Opposites attract.’ So, maybe that’s truly the case with the two of you. I didn’t ask, how long have you been married now?

Cindy: I think we got married about… not long ago. So six months.

Myrtle: Oh, not even a year. Wow, okay, so truly newlyweds! So do you agree, Cindy, that opposites attract?

Cindy: Yes, I agree. But actually in the past, I was not believing it. But in our case, I agree, because our differences help us to complete each other and we also get to learn things from one another.

Myrtle: That’s a good way to look at it. What would you say are your biggest frustrations, though, in dealing with, you know, your language barrier or communication barrier in marriage?

Michael: Cindy and I actually have two types of arguments. Argument type one is when we don’t understand each other, we can’t find the right word to express ourselves and what we really mean, while with the second type of argument it’s a discussion that starts about something else, like a certain thing that happened that one of us did not appreciate from the other. But with these arguments, we really do try to take the time to explain ourselves without getting angry at each other.

Cindy: It’s true. There are actually times that we don’t understand each other, because the words that we are using are quite literal, and maybe the word sounds a bit harsh, without meaning it to that person. But the biggest frustration happens if one of us is using the language barrier as an excuse. Like in one of our arguments we just say, “Ah, well you just don’t understand me again,” and then almost closing off when it comes to our conversation, while the other person is actually trying to explain things clearly.

Myrtle: And what happens when you have misunderstandings like that and how do you handle those situations?

Cindy: It’s quite frustrating, to be honest, but we try giving each other some space, helping to give us [and] each other the time so that we can think and process everything.

Michael: But we make sure that we always try to fix it before we sleep, otherwise both of us will have a bad, bad sleep and that’s not good for both of us.

Myrtle: Yeah, and that’s a good approach that most couples try to, you know, take in terms of having arguments with one another. You know that saying, ‘Never go to bed angry,’ right?

Michael: Yes indeed.

Myrtle: But you know, right now, I’d like to ask Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to impart some biblical advice about maybe adjusting and learning in marriage through intercultural challenges or differences.

Hello and how are you today, Brother Felmar?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! I’m doing well, thank you very much. And hello to Michael and Cindy, our guests today, and hello to all our listeners.

So I’m really interested in this topic that we’re taking up: differences between husband and wife, culturally speaking, and how to handle those moments of frustration or anger that may come up in communication, right? So getting right to it, is it evil to feel angry?

We’ll start here in the book of Ephesians, chapter four, the verse is 26, in the Today’s English Version, I quote the following:

If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.

[Ephesians 4:26 Today’s English Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So becoming angry, in itself, is not evil. Anger is an emotion, a feeling, just like how sadness, joy, excitement, are also feelings. But according to the Bible, there is something we must be careful of after we become angry. What is it? “Do not let your anger lead you into sin.” What else does the Bible teach about anger? “Do not stay angry all day.”

Now, some might be thinking, “How do you do that? How do you stop yourself from committing sin when you’re angry? How do you stop yourself from staying angry all day?” Because we do see in the news, on the internet, even in scenarios in movies, right, where people give in to their anger. There are those who do allow themselves to be angry all day or all week. It’s like they purposely give themselves that time to be angry, sometimes for months or even years. However, according to the Bible, we should not live that way, especially when it comes to man and woman who have been joined by God in holy matrimony.

So going back to our question, “How can married couples ensure that those moments of frustration or anger don’t lead to sin and that no one stays angry all day?” We go now to the book of Proverbs, Chapter 14, verse 29, in The Living Bible, I quote:

A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes.

[Proverbs 14:29 The Living Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s be reminded that disagreements can happen in marriage. We actually did a whole episode on this in season one. Nobody, then, should be doubting their marriage or second guessing the love of their spouse, just because every now and then there are moments of friction. We all have flaws. So, communication in marriage isn’t going to be smooth sailing every single time. And this goes for everybody, by the way, not just husband and wife who are very different from each other ethnically speaking, like in the case of Michael and Cindy.

But do take note that if anyone is always arguing with their spouse, or if there is constant disharmony in one’s marriage, that’s a different issue. And we also discuss that in detail in our episode on disagreements, again in season one. But when it comes to handling the average arguing between husband and wife, so again let’s be reminded, what does the Bible teach us? How did the Bible break it down for us, so to speak? Number one: don’t allow your anger to lead you into sin. Number two: don’t stay angry all day. And three: control our temper.

Therefore, based on these teachings from the Bible, when arguments do happen, calling for a timeout is helpful. Would you agree, Michael and Cindy, that when those moments of friction arise, calling for that timeout, is a big help?

Cindy: Yes, Brother Felmar.

Michael: Yes, Brother Felmar, definitely.

Brother Felmar Serreno: There are times, you know, those heated discussions may happen, who usually calls for the timeout first. Is it Cindy or Michael? You’re both smiling now.

Cindy: [laughs] I think me.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Cindy, okay. Yeah, I’m sure all married couples, we take turns on that, right? But why is calling for that timeout helpful? Well, for starters, you get a chance to cool off or simmer down, you know, do some deep breathing and settle our emotions, because the Bible teaches us to control our temper.

So we shouldn’t allow our temper or emotions to control us, especially to the point that we would commit sin by hurting our spouse physically, or even verbally by using harsh words, right, if our emotions would get the better of us.

So a timeout, or cooling off, will enable you to think things through, and that’s important because remember what the Bible said earlier, “anger causes mistakes.”

Now, what are some examples of things that you should be thinking through, right, during that timeout? If a recent argument is the result of your error, for example, so acknowledge it, right? Own it, take responsibility for it. Look, we’re not going to get it right every single time. Sometimes you’re right, but sometimes your spouse is right. So, when you’re the one who’s wrong, don’t make excuses for it. Don’t brush it to the side or play it down. Squash that ego. Apologize to the love of your life for your mistake and move on.

But what if your spouse is at fault, then why not compose in your mind the best and gentlest strategy on how to help your spouse understand his or her mistake? And then from there, why not you both plan together how to react better to a situation like this in the future should it come up again?

So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. Take care, everybody. God bless and we’ll see you all next time.

Myrtle: Once again, Brother Felmar, thank you for the words of God that continue to teach all of us and guide all the married couples.

Despite having different cultural upbringings and growing up speaking different languages, how has having the same faith, as members of the Church Of Christ, helped you in your marriage, Michael and Cindy?

Michael: First of all, we truly believe that God brought us together. He did this for a reason. So, we learned during our marriage seminars that challenges and difficulties will arise in our relationship, and if those difficulties will come, we need to pray and that’s also something we always do together.

Cindy: Yes, and if there are differences and it leads to an argument, we always pray to our Almighty God. We pray for Him to help us, to give us understanding, and to give us more patience. And after we pray, we take our time to talk or to say sorry to each other.

Myrtle: And that’s an important part of marriage, learning how to apologize. But are there things that you’re still trying to learn together or adapt to?

Cindy: I think we still haven’t yet learned how to completely communicate with one another, or at least find a way to do it easily, because we haven’t been married that long, or a little over six months. But day-to-day, we’re improving in our communication skills.

Michael: We try to learn by really explaining directly what we mean when we don’t understand each other, so that in the future, when the same problem or similar problems occurs, we will understand each other quicker and better.

Myrtle: Do you have any tips that you could share with other engaged couples or newlyweds who also might have a language barrier in their intercultural marriage?

Michael: There will be times of course that your patience will be tested. Moments will come where you will argue or disagree in something. But if you do have a little fight, cool down from one another, give each other some space, then try to fix the situation right away. Do your best to really express how you feel. And of course, always pray.

Cindy: And we’d also like to share that it was also challenging for both of our parents to communicate to each other. Sometimes it comes down to a form of sign language, gesturing, pointing or even showing kinds of pictures to try to express what they [are] actually meaning.

We’re doing our best. For Michael and for myself, even though it can be annoying to repeat ourselves a lot, we try to explain and repeat again if [necessary] but in a calm way. If you get annoyed, it will only get worse, so it causes more problems and misunderstanding. So we also try to use some words that the other person knows in their mother language. That can sometimes help. We do our best to maintain our mutual love and respect, despite having different languages and cultures.

Michael: But of course, there’s also positive things. So for example, a positive thing about being in a multilingual marriage is that it’s helpful when we are traveling.

Myrtle: Well that’s very true. I would definitely consider that a plus if you speak two languages already, plus English, so very, very multilingual. But it’s kind of interesting too, Cindy, what you shared about your parents not understanding each other. I didn’t even think about that aspect. So how’s their communication improving? Is getting a little better, too?

Cindy: I think it’s getting better. We’re getting there. It was just actually funny, especially for my dad who had a hard time to speak in English, also for my mom. And the dad, for example, for Michael has a hard time to speak in English. So sometimes, he says words in Dutch and trying to explain it in English. So it’s very funny, but we’re getting there.

Myrtle: And like you said, showing pictures sometimes if needed, right? [laughs]

Cindy: Yes. Technology is actually helping us.

Myrtle: Yeah, I mean if we didn’t have these smartphones, who knows how we would communicate, right? It’s like there’s Google Translate now too, so that’s pretty awesome.

But you know, I’d like to thank you both so much for being on Happy Life with us today and for sharing all of your experiences, your struggles, but also sharing that you’re still improving and learning from one another, and that’s really wonderful to hear.

Michael: Thank you, Myrtle, for having us. It was truly a pleasure to be here.

Cindy: Thank you so much, Myrtle for having us. It was a pleasure as well to meet you and have this discussion.

Myrtle: I think marrying someone from a different ethnic culture definitely makes you more open to learning and appreciating the differences in each other and can also help you relate to others better as well. Will there be times of frustration and misunderstanding because of language issues? Absolutely. But you can also continue to grow with one another, improve your own language and communication skills, and remember that your commitment to one another is for a lifetime.

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @HappyLife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Present Parenting

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While screen time has its positives and negatives, quality time is important. Four moms talk about being present and what to do instead of screen time.

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Present Parenting

Bernie Rosquites: Technology is all around us. The world is so fast-paced and ever-changing. We rely on the internet, our phones, tablets, [and] social media for all the latest news and to keep up with our friends and family. But how do we stay present as parents? How do we spend quality time with our children, and not allow the screen to take over our lives? I’m Bernie Rosquites.

Jewell Buenavista: And I’m Jewell Buenavista, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life.

Bernie: Well, these past two years, the pandemic has been, let’s just say just a little bit rough. We’ve been isolated in the house. We’ve been working from home, trying to homeschool our children all the while trying not to catch COVID. We’ve all become so accustomed to relying on our screens, but how do we pivot from our devices to spend quality time with our kids?

Jewell: Oh, Bernie, that’s such a good question. A lot of us get so busy with meetings or tasks, that it’s so easy just to stick our kids on our iPads or any electronic device.

Bernie: Absolutely. Right. So, let’s have a discussion. We brought on some fellow moms to talk about their ideas of I’m doing air quotes with my fingers—present parenting.

Jewell: Oh, I love this topic. So, let’s welcome Felicia Nofuente. She’s a school counselor and mother of three boys. We also have Tracy Nguyen she works from home with two toddlers and finds fun ways to keep them occupied. Welcome, ladies.

Bernie: Hello, ladies.

Felicia: Hi, Thanks for having us.

Bernie: So, you know, it’s obvious. We’re all busy moms, right? And I gotta admit, I’m guilty of sometimes sticking my son—not so much in front of the TV, he’s 9-about-to-be-10—so for him, it’s not so much the TV, it’s the Nintendo Switch and the iPad because he’s into Roblox right now. You know, when I got something to do, and sometimes it’s not even something to do when I just need that—let me give an hour of peace and quiet just to collect my thoughts. I know I’m not the only one right? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Jewell: So I’m guilty. I’m guilty of everything you just said, Bernie. So how about you ladies, what’s going on in your lives when it comes to dealing with electronics, especially right now?

Tracy: Well, for me, I work from home. So there will be times that you know, PBS or Disney is going to be babysitting my children. But you know, everything comes good in moderation, right? I like to try and justify that, you know, it helps my children develop in grammar and language and speaking and singing a whole lot of singing. But um, yes, it just having it in under, you know, a time limit is what we’re aiming for. Learning curves, every day, learning curves. But yes, we’re working on this, for sure.

Felicia: I have three kids at different ages, so they all like different things. So my oldest is 12. And then I have a seven-year-old and then a three-year-old. So each is into their own thing. For us, I kind of tried to let go of that guilt because that pandemic time was rough. And I’m an educator, I know what I’m doing, and I still struggled. So even if you are equipped or not equipped, it was still a struggle. So if Nintendo Switch was it or PS4 or whatever it is, that was where they’re gonna go. And I had to let go of that mom guilt like “Oh my gosh, I’m not there.” But, I think what the pandemic gave me was some perspective and time to see, okay, what do my kids like to do and how can I tap into that? So that’s kind of where I took it. It was kind of like the gift of time where I got to spend time with them and see what they’re searching. So I found my oldest son looking up lyrics got into music got into some 90s hip hop, and I kind of got to see what was he interested in looking at his searches, because as a parent, you have to look up what they’re searching.

Bernie: Absolutely.

Felicia: Because they’re things that he looked up and I want him to ask me those questions. Like, if you have a question, just ask me and I can give you the best answer I can. But don’t rely on Google.

Bernie: I’m gonna be your Google first. Okay? Mom and Dad are gonna be Google first before you ask anybody else, right. And one thing I got from the pandemic was this bald spot on the back of my head, but we’ll talk about that another day.

What to do instead of screen time

Bernie: So, what are some things we can do instead? Tracy, I’ve been told you started a no-TV challenge with your kids. I’m curious! How was that?

Tracy: Okay. So let’s be honest, it started off as a repercussion for bad behavior. That’s how it started. So I have a four-year-old and about-to-be-three-year-old and attitudes were flying one day, and I was like, “That’s it. No more TV.” And then, after the first two days, it was nothing but fussy. Fussiness, tantrums, of course, the works, right? But once we hit day three, I tell you, it was like a flip of the switch. They were quiet, they were more independent. The pretend play started getting really elaborate. I’ll go hours without hearing a peep. It was weird. So I was like, Okay, let’s see how long we can go with this. My husband has the trophy right now where he went five days without TV. Yes. My longest has been four days. So we’re working on it.

Bernie: That’s that’s great, though, because at a young age, they are able to just be without the TV.

Tracy: I kid you not—okay, so when I started this challenge, my husband was like, “Are you sure though, because it’s getting really hard. I got things to do.” I was like, just stick it out. I’m telling you, it’ll make the difference. And once he started seeing the benefit, because I had to go away for a week of work. He saw the difference that it made in their attitudes, the way they talk to each other the way they played. He was like, oh, okay, we can do this. Okay, I’m totally on board. So it also comes down to my husband and I getting on board and then making it a whole lot easier. So once we’re not talking about it or questioning it, neither are the kids.

Bernie: Teamwork makes the dream work.

Jewell: So Tracy, can I ask, what did you do to keep the kids busy?

Tracy: In the beginning, it became apparent that I really needed to be more disciplined in routines, building a routine that kept them busy.

Jewell: So what I like about that is that you’re being intentional, instead of taking the easy route of like, okay, just do whatever, you are putting a routine and that takes conscious parenting, you know what I mean? Like being present, and making sure that they stay on top of whatever, you know the routine you’re putting.

Ever since my 13-year-old was in kindergarten, we would do dates, like intentional once-a-week lunch dates, one on ones. And now what we added to our dates is we have to learn one new thing about each other. So it’s nice, because it’s a great way that as busy as our lives get, they get our full attention. And it’s been a great way for us to stay connected with our kids.

So Felicia, I hear you have quite an artistic son and even take drawing requests from friends and family to keep him busy.

Felicia: So for their Children’s Worship Service, they went virtual. And they would do these arts and crafts projects or workouts. And he gravitated towards this like David and Goliath drawing video that they played. And he really took to it. So then he would draw pictures. And he would say, can you give this to like my sister or my brother, (like my own [siblings] so his uncle hers or his aunt] and at the time, you know, I would just take a picture of it and then text it to them. And it got to the point where I was sharing them on Instagram. And everyone’s like, Oh, that’s so cute. Can you draw me goofy? Or can he draw me—

Jewell: Aww

Felicia: —or Mickey Mouse. So I would take the request and he would draw it. And I would just show him a picture or he’d watch a video and it got to the point where he’s like, what do my fans want now?

Bernie: Who wants to commission me?

Felicia: Funny, so we would open it up. I would post it on my story and say does anyone want to help Isaac practice his drawing skills so you can follow my stories. So it kind of, like snowballed into, alright, what do my fans want now? Occasionally, he’ll take a break, like, Mommy, I just need a break from my fans. And I’m like, okay, that’s his fan. So I have to say, Okay, does anyone want a drawing, and then they would put it, they would send the request, and he would draw, and I would tag them. It’s kind of been a really fun thing. It does take time away from the screen where he can focus on his skill. So I’ve gotten like art set sent to me, and I have colored pencils everywhere. If you look at my house, it’s his craft room, really, that I’m in. So he really, he spends a lot of time. And he’s very meticulous with his colors and what he does. So those requests are very special, I frame them and I send them to those who requested it. But it’s just nice to see where his imagination goes.

So now some people are like, can you draw me in the mountains. So we’ve been going on a lot of trips, that’s my, my big thing. I want my kids to see what’s around us, because we’re in Nebraska, let’s be honest, I’m surrounded by cornfields. And I want them to see the world. So he has been drawing, he keeps a notebook, he keeps a sketchbook everywhere he goes.

Jewell: I love how you tap into a talent that you may or may not have known that he had. So I have a question for you, Felicia. So as a school counselor how do you think it affects a child when they’re left to their devices all day?

Felicia: I kind of get to see the positives and negatives. So now I tried not to get my kids away from devices because they need to learn how to use it appropriately. And our school district here is one-to-one iPads. So they’re on screen all the time. As a counselor, when I meet with kids, or they have something going on, it typically has to do with social media. You can see how it takes a toll because they’re constantly comparing themselves to other people. They’re constantly comparing what someone else has based off the images that they see. On the other end, there are great ways for them to learn new skills. You know, they learn all these fun things. And if they’re really interested in something, they can look it up. But there are reasons why parents should be very intentional with which apps their kids have access to.

Bernie: Wow.

Being present for your child

Jewell: I love that you said that there’s good and bad because we can’t hide our kids from technology. I mean, I think it would be silly for us to think that we can because you’re right. I mean, all our kids are on their devices for school, so that is what they’re trained on.

I love how you said, you know, for parents to be active, again, being intentional, being present in looking at what their kids are exposed to because as an adult, I get FOMO (“fear of missing out”), I get it. I’m in my 40s [I’m like], oh, “How come she’s looking cute?” Then I started looking at myself…you know, all of this. So what more of somebody at a young age [that’s] not mature enough to handle those kinds of comments and all of that. So I love how you said parents need to really

stay on top active be proactive be present, you know, but again, I want to know more because I really do want to know, and our listeners, because we have such negative connotations. Oh, electronics are evil, you know, they’re bad social media is bad. But there are positive things, you know, I mean, can you help us share? How can we make it a positive experience? Can you expand on that a little bit more, please?

Felicia: There are resources. So I refer a lot of parents to Common Sense [media] and they go over movies and games that are age-appropriate for different developmental stages. And then they also have like a “do and don’t” apps that parents should really look out for. I’m very intentional with how much access my son gets to others and strangers and people he games with. But as a parent, we’re visitors in this world, but when you take that away, it’s hard as a parent to figure out that world that they live in online. And when you take that away, abruptly, you have to be mindful of that’s the only community that they know. Like, if they can’t talk to their friends, they do have FOMO (“fear of missing out”). Like, then I’m not going to know what they talked about, and I’m gonna go to school, and everyone’s talking about something and I’m lost.

Bernie: I’m not gonna lie, I’m like, I’m gonna be fifty soon, and I’m gonna get I gotta Google FOMO Okay, so thank you for bringing that up. Like, what is FOMO? I’m learning so much from just talking and listening to what you’re saying, because my son just started Roblox, because for a long time, he didn’t have the Switch. And he didn’t have the Xbox and all that. But then I realized, you know, just like what Jewell was saying, like, electronics is not evil, because I started at first I was like, oh, my son’s not into that. And then I realized when he started going to school, you know, all his friends were talking about Minecraft, Roblox, this and that. And he didn’t have [any] idea what they were talking about. He just made it up like he knew what they were talking about. And I felt bad. So we gave him the Switch. He’s on Roblox. And I am being actually proactive and checking, like, why are twelve, fifteen, people trying to be your friend, and you just got on and he was like, I don’t know, he only plays with one person, and that’s his cousin.

I think that’s the one thing I’ve learned as far as doing this Faith and Family podcast, it’s really important to stay relevant. We definitely need to spend more time as a family and away from the screen. What else? I want to hear from Tracy, what else do you think we can do to spend more time as a family? What have you been doing Tracy?

Tracy: I love that you’re doing the no device during mealtimes. That’s actually been one of the hardest things to do. I’m still working on this. I will admit, like for long car rides, if I don’t want the kids to fall asleep, I will turn on the iPad to put on whatever their favorite movie is. But I’m staying connected to your children and finding out what piques their interest and just diving into it. Just give them A or B options. Do you want to color? Or do you want to play pretend?

Jewell: But I did want to share something because I think it’s we have to like what you were saying, Tracy that the internet is not a bad thing if we use it right, right? As a matter of fact, my 13-year-old daughter used electronics to invite her friend to a Bible-based webinar that we had not too long ago, you know, and the topic was about social media—how social media influences Christian living. And through her electronic, she was able to invite her friends. So it’s teaching them how can we use our tech? How can we use technology to be able to share our faith and do more good in the world? So just wanted to add on top of that. But Felicia, just to add to Bernie, what else do you recommend? What else can we do, in addition, to stay connected with our kids and our family?

Keeping your child in mind

Felicia: You know, just having conversations, intentional conversations with your kids. And I use the car ride a lot. I have three boys. So they’re not really into sitting down and like having conversations with me. I have to either throw a football or we have to go out for a walk. But the eye contact part they’re not really into, it’s not their jam. But when we go in the car, I have really insightful and thoughtful conversations, especially as I see my oldest kind of coming into his own. But it was having those conversations with my kids and like you said, you have dates, and I have dates with my boys to like, this is your time, and it’s hard to split yourself into three. So I try my best. Okay, this one really likes art, so we’ll do something for you. This one’s really into nonfiction and historical things. You know, I’m trying my best. And it takes a lot out of you trying to be intentional without devices.

When we plan trips, I have to plan it based off everybody. Like, it’s not a trip for me, it’s all for my kids, and tapping into those conversations and like, okay, how am I going to intentionally plan something that they’re going to remember for years to come? So I think listening to your kids, and planning ahead of time, and it’s like I said, I’m split into three. I try to listen more than I talk now.

Bernie: That’s a great sentence—listen more than talk. For my son, you know, I only have one son. You know, for him, when he is most out there ready to share is when we go out for like hot chocolate. Because in my neighborhood, I’ve got a coffee shop down the street, we grab a cup of hot chocolate, I do my coffee, we walk the neighborhood, or we go out and have breakfast or lunch. And that’s when he’ll spill the beans and he’ll share just kind of like what Jewel is doing with their kids that one-on-one time. And that’s so important. It can take a lot just to try to be intentional, but when you think about when they get older, they’re always going to remember that and that’s going to pass on to their kids; as far as “My mom or my dad took the time to talk to me.” Because I didn’t have that growing up. I didn’t. But now I know, having these conversations with my son—you know, when they’re still tiny, of course, there’s only so many things you can talk about. But then as you see them get older and their conversations start changing: what they care about, what they don’t care about, what scares them, what makes them happy. One time my son said to me, “Enough about me, Mom, how are you doing?”

Jewell: Did you start crying?

Bernie: I was trying not to cry over my eggs at the cafe, but that meant the world to me, because he is also present for me.You know what I’m saying? For him to say—he let it all out he told me whatever, some of it was big things and all that. But the fact that he also was like, “What about you, Mom?” I’m just glad that it’s happy. I’m happy to hear these things. The important things that I’m learning about all this conversation is intent and being present. And listening, right?

Spending time with kids

Jewell: Yes. And then that’s why I think Family Hour is so important. You know, we can catch up with our kids and our spouses and share stories and really hear our children.

You know, every night I ask my kids three questions, and they know this, they come prepared now. “Tell me three things that you’re grateful for that happened today.” So I mean, it could be small things, it could be big things, you know. [The] second question is: “How did you help somebody today?” “Well, I helped Ate (means ‘older sister’ in Filipino)”, or “I help mama.” It could be small things and or it can be big things. And my last question is, “How did God bless you today?” Because I want them to recognize, [that] no matter how big or how small, God is present in their lives. The stuff that comes out of their mouths—as parent you’re you feel good, like wow, they’re thinking about these things versus focusing on the negative things. Maybe they did see something negative online or what. But I want them to learn to focus on the blessings in their life on a daily basis.

So every night—then they pray and man, their prayers! I wish I could record every single one of their prayers, but when we teach our kids how to communicate and see the blessings in life, it shows in their prayers. Because the stuff that comes out of their mouth is like, wow, I thought you’re nine but you talk like you’re 30! I love it, I love it. Each kid, you know, they take turns leading the prayer.

I always, always say this: our children [are] a reminder of how much God loves us. The stuff that they do, like what you said, Bernie, your son took the time to ask you, “How are you, Mom?” That’s God’s way of using our children to check on you. That’s why it’s important that we take the time to be present for our kids and teach them the blessings that they receive on a daily basis.

We have a Minister of the Gospel, Brother Jeffrey DeGuia, with us to share some verses on the importance of spending time with family.

Bro Jeffrey DeGuia: Thanks, Jewell, and hello to all our friends and listeners. This topic is very much in line with God’s teaching and ultimately, his desire that every family led by the parents be properly guided in such a challenging and potentially dangerous world. In fact, God mentions how often we should guide our young ones here in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 in the New International Reader’s Version. I quote:

The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 New International Reader’s Version

And with that, sister, Jewel, I’ll bring it back to you. Thank you very much, everyone.

Bernie: Thank you, brother, Jeff, this verse is something that is so true, because the one thing I do when I do tuck my son into bed, you know, I also make sure like, you know, say your prayers, but also remind him how loved he is, and that mom and dad are always there for him to listen to him. We’re his biggest fans, we’re his biggest supporters, and that he is just loved. One thing I was teaching my son as well is before he even talks to us, there’s nothing wrong with talking to God first because God will use us as an instrument to help him. So for me, that’s the one thing every time I put my son to bed: you are loved, you are amazing, every positive affirmation I can give him, but most importantly, God loves him the most and more than anything to go to Him first when something’s going on, and that we will be the ones to be used as an instrument to help guide him.

So for me positive reinforcement before bed, you know is something that I was wanting to do for my son until he doesn’t want me to tuck him into bed no more! I don’t know when that will be but I feel like it’s coming soon. Yes, thank you all for sharing. We know that someone out there is listening, and probably needs a reminder that we will always need God in every phase of our lives and He never, ever fails.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank our wonderful guests, Felicia and Tracy, for sharing their stories. Thank you so much, ladies, for joining us today.

Tracy: Thank you for the invite, and just to save you some time, Bernie, FOMO means “fear of missing out” so you don’t have to Google it later.

Bernie: Thank you very much for reminding the oldest person in this group.

Jewell: Thanks for listening to this episode of Faith and Family.

Bernie: If you enjoy listening to us talk, laugh, cry, build each other up, you can download more on Google podcasts I Heart Radio and Apple Podcast under Faith and Family please leave us a review or just say Hi and as always take care and please stay safe.

New Making Changes Episodes Coming Soon!

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We’re back for season 2 starting on May 26th! We can’t wait for you to listen in on a whole new set of conversations about change, gratitude, and the lessons that come when your life takes a full 180.

Does God Support Same-Sex Marriage?

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What does the Bible say about same-sex marriage? Can God support or bless gay marriages? You asked, the Bible answers.

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Does God Support Gay Marriage?

[Show opens]

Brother Bob Pellien: Can one believe in the Bible or be a true Christian and at the same time believe in, or promote on our social media accounts, same-sex marriage? Does God support same-sex marriage?

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this program! The basis of the teachings here, in the Church Of Christ, is and will always be the Bible or the Holy Scriptures.

Now, we want to clarify though that the Bible does not answer just any and all questions, but regarding proper worship, regarding [the] right relationship with God, and most importantly regarding salvation—those answers, most definitely, are here in the Holy Bible.

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That’s in the Bible!

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Brother Bob Pellien

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Bob Pellien: I’m Bob Pellien and welcome to That’s in the Bible! On a recent episode of this program, we addressed the question, “How many genders does God recognize?” or “How many genders did God actually create?”, which the biblical answer is, as we learned then, was two: and they’re male and female.

Now, we move on to another question on a similar topic that was emailed to the program by Annie. Annie asks us this: “What does the Bible say about gay marriage?”

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Annie | San Diego, California, USA

What does the Bible say about gay marriage?

Brother Bob Pellien: Thank you, Annie for that question.

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Can two people of the same sex or gender be married in God’s sight?

Does God support same-sex marriage?

Brother Bob Pellien: So, can two people of the same sex or gender be married in God’s sight? Can one believe in the Bible and be a true Christian and at the same time believe in or promote, like I said a while ago, promote on their social media accounts same-sex marriage? Like. Share. Does God support same-sex marriage?

Again, before we start reading the answer, we would like to clarify ahead [that] we do value and recognize the human rights of every individual. We as Christians also, we do not tolerate that any person is oppressed or discriminated against by others. And, we do not promote hatred against anyone.

With that said, to answer the question regarding same-sex marriage, we turn as always to the Holy Bible to understand what is marriage and what marriage is not. And we do that by turning to the book of Genesis, chapter 1, verse 27 and 28, and it reads this way:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

[Genesis 1:27-28 New King James Version]

Brother Bob Pellien: So, dear friends, here we can see that marriage was established by none other than the Creator Himself. It’s important to understand that there is no culture, there’s no country, nor government, nor any person or group of people that came up with or established marriage. Marriage, it’s not simply a legal institution. It’s an institution established by God. So, it is a religious union or a spiritual union. Why? Because the two, they cannot be joined as one in God’s sight unless they first seek the blessing, the blessing from Him, since God’s the One who established marriage.

Dear friends, this union, like all of God’s other institutions, has very clear rules and guidelines that cannot be altered or adjusted by anyone. The Bible is very clear that the two God joins together is male and the female, or a man and a woman.

And after blessing them, or marrying the first couple, what was His instruction to them? He gave the instruction to go forth and multiply, fill the earth.

Consider: that cannot be done by those who enter into that marital union as same-sex partners, obviously. Even with the help of modern medical science, a child created for these same-sex couples is not a product of their union with each other. Which is why, therefore, we are very sure that same-sex marriage is not what God has established.

Now to be fair, many may argue that, well, because this is a new day and age, a whole new era–the Christian era, and the complexities of modern life, current culture should be taken into account, there should be a change in attitude. “Jesus is love,” they would say. Others simply avoid taking a stand at all for fear of offending others and say, for example, “Who am I to judge others?” And there are even some who say, “Christ never discriminated. He taught love.”

Dear friends, being that we are living in the Christian era, the Lord Jesus Christ is Whom we should follow and listen to, which is the true definition of a Christian anyway. And because we should not be judging others, and that’s true really, who are we to judge, right, we should simply respect and follow the judgments of the ultimate Judge–God our Creator.

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What does the Bible teach regarding marriage?

Brother Bob Pellien: According to Jesus, what does the Bible actually teach regarding marriage? Has God’s original establishment of marriage, that we read a moment ago in the book of Genesis from the Old Testament, has that changed according to His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ? Let’s read what Jesus actually says on that matter, in Matthew, 19, verses 4 through 6. He said:

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

[Matthew 19:4-6 New King James Version]

Brother Bob Pellien: Dear friends, we can see how there is nothing vague or confusing about Christ’s teaching regarding marriage. Our Lord Jesus Christ shows how God’s policy stands to this day: marriage is between man and woman. In fact, Christ even quoted word-for-word what is written earlier, as we read earlier, in the Holy Scriptures so as to avoid any misinterpretation. True Christians follow Christ’s teachings, so they can be right with their Creator—the only Judge, as we also mentioned earlier.

It’s understandable, though, that there are countries now that are changing their laws to recognize same-sex marriages. But, it should also be understood that same-sex marriages will only be recognized by man’s laws, not God’s, because God’s law written here in the Holy Bible does not change based upon ever-changing cultural tolerances.

Maybe some however are thinking, or maybe even are a bit conflicted thinking that, “I thought Christ preached a message of love and understanding. How is this possible if He does not allow same-sex marriages?” Dear friends, to clarify how Christ’s stand and policy on marriage is in fact really a message of love; how could that be? Well, I Corinthians, chapter 6, verses 9 and 10 read this way:

Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

[I Corinthians 6:9-10 New International Version]

Brother Bob Pellien: Why should this be considered a message of love? The message of love makes it clear what will happen if one does right or does wrong. We can see here that it is wrong to engage in same-sex or homosexual relationships, just as it is wrong to steal, or to slander, or to swindle others. It is a warning, a loving warning, to help people be saved from what will happen if left to their own desires. The biblical truth is that those who do these acts “will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Making this perfectly clear is a great manifestation of the deep love of Christ. He doesn’t want anyone to be punished by God.

Christ’s love for all people is the reason He taught the truth. The modern, pop cultural concept that Christ’s love approves of and encompasses any and all relationships between consenting adults—it’s NOT in the Bible. This is also the reason why we are here, why all of us here inside the Church Of Christ, continually share what is actually written here in the Bible. Why? So that just as we have read, we would “not be deceived” but we could still inherit the Kingdom of God.

We are fully aware that there might be some who, as they watch this episode, we know there may be some to be hurt, get angry even, and refuse to believe what they’re hearing and seeing in the Bible. We also know that there are many more people who are not even interested in what’s in the Bible and would rather base their beliefs on their own sources, such as personal philosophies and ideologies, or internet influencers. Why is it not surprising that there are people who refuse to believe God’s words written in the Bible? It really is not surprising, and here’s why. We turn to the book of Psalms, 107, verse 11, because it says this:

Because they rebelled against the words of God, And despised the counsel of the Most High,

[Psalms 107:11 New King James Version]

Brother Bob Pellien: Dear friends, the Bible makes mention here of the people even before who despised God’s words, decided to rebel against them. Are you one of those people today in our time? So, what we are seeing today is, it’s nothing new. It’s just that society’s legal definition of marriage is one point of rebellion for some.

Now that we’ve learned God’s laws regarding marriage, that He established it, it’s He who blessed the first couple, a man and a woman, male/female to be joined together, well, what about those that have tendencies or desires to go against that set order?

Dear friends, if there’s anyone watching at this moment who might have these tendencies, these feelings, the question now is: would you automatically be punished eternally for having these tendencies, having these feelings, feeling this way? We find the answer again here in the Holy Bible, and this time we turn to the book of James, chapter 1, verse 14 and 15:

But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions). Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death.

[James 1:14-15 Amplified Bible]

Brother Bob Pellien: First of all, we have to clarify that not all desires or passions are evil. But notice: if the desire is drawing one away from God and tempted, entices one to break His commandments, then that is an evil desire. What we can notice in this verse, that we’ve just read here, is that every person is tempted but not all are tempted in the same way. Some may be tempted in other kinds of vices, in stealing, drinking, or gambling, or they easily get angry or maybe are easily led to laziness, immorality, or lust for same-sex relationships, whatever it may be.

What does the Bible say, however? Only those whose desires are allowed to conceive will it give birth to sin and bring forth death. Everyone is tempted, yes. But we can see also that merely having an evil desire, a passion, or let’s say the tendency, it does not—we have to emphasize that, dear friends—it does not automatically mean that you will not enter heaven or will be punished eternally.

It was made clear that when the evil desire of a person manifests itself by committing sin, or taking action on those evil desires, that is when a person falls into God’s judgment already established. Which is why, as we read earlier, the wrongdoer not the tempted, I repeat, the wrongdoer not the merely tempted, the ”wrongdoer will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Even though many people today are very concerned with making sure they live their lives politically correct, we inside the Church Of Christ are primarily concerned that we live our lives biblically correct or in accordance with God’s will.

This is, again, the reason why learning these biblical truths is truly God’s love for us. People say Jesus is love. He is! He warned us. That is love. We hope, through this teaching today that comes from the Lord here in the Holy Scriptures, we have all received that love.

But there are many similar topics yet, similar topics regarding sexuality and self expression that we’ll be covering regularly here on upcoming episodes of That’s in the Bible. And some of these topics include: Gender identity, Being created in God’s image.

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Gender identity

Being created in God’s image

Brother Bob Pellien: We’d like you to continue learning about the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ).

[On-screen text graphics]

Visit

Incmedia.org

Brother Bob Pellien: Please visit us online and browse the different topics, or set up an appointment to meet with a minister of the gospel. If you have any questions about the Bible, about salvation, please email them to us.

[On-screen text graphics]

answers@incmedia.org

Brother Bob Pellien: I’m Bob Pellien.

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Brother Bob Pellien

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Bob Pellien: Thanks for watching. See you next time, as we continue this discussion, right here on That’s in the Bible!

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Sharing Common Interests as Newlyweds

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The love of music brought them together, but what other shared hobbies and passions do Jasmine and Darryl share? Listen in to find out what effect these mutual interests have on their marriage as newlyweds.

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Sharing Common Interests as Newlyweds

[Show Opens]

Myrtle Alegado: So you just got married and you’re basking in the giddiness of newlywed bliss. But have you thought about how to build that connection even more with your spouse?

In our last episode, we talked to a couple from Vista. Now let’s travel a few hours north on the I-5 and meet another California couple to discuss the importance of sharing common interests as newlyweds.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Jasmine and Darryl and they’re from Oakland, California. They’ve been married since April of 2019.

Hey there, Darryl and Jasmine! We’re so glad you were able to join us today.

Jasmine San Pedro: Hi, thank you so much for having us.

Darryl San Pedro: Thanks for having us today.

Myrtle: So, you know, tell us a little bit about what life is like right now in the Bay Area.

Darryl: Gas prices are kind of crazy, but the weather’s fine.

Myrtle: Well, send some of that warmth up here to Vancouver please. [laughs]

So you know, if you can, tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you two met and then became husband and wife.

Darryl: Yeah, so we met in college. We went to UC (University of California) Berkeley together and we met there at a theater production.

Myrtle: So how many years were you just friends?

Jasmine: Um, since 2012.

Darryl: Yeah, I want to say 2012.

Jasmine: 2012, yeah.

Myrtle: Oh okay, so that was a pretty good, you know, three years of building that friendship before it became something more.

So Darryl, you mentioned you were both in theater production. Was that the common interest that brought you together?

Darryl: Yeah, we shared a passion for performing and that was actually what formed the basis of our initial friendship.

Jasmine: Yeah, it was really easy to talk to each other because we liked a lot of the same things and, you know, just have a love for music and theater.

Myrtle: And, you know, as someone who can’t act or sing, I find it so amazing that you’re both talented in those areas, so. You know, what do you love about having this common love for the arts?

Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, in a sense, we kind of speak the same language. Much of our life is shared, so we’ve really become in tune, pun intended, with each other.

There’s really a lot of work that is needed to be done with, like, your bandmates, or your castmates, when you’re in the creative space. So for me and Darryl, a lot of the time, we don’t even need to say a word to each other, and we learned to communicate with each other in that way, which is pretty cool. And I really just love the amount of time we get to spend with each other when we’re doing these types of projects.

Myrtle: Yeah, it’s funny when you hear couples say, he can understand me with just a look. I guess, you know, that’s pretty true for the two of you. What are, you know, some of the favorite things that you’ve worked on together?

Darryl: I would say our very first performance together will always hold a special place in my heart. I mean, essentially, that was when we met.

And I do enjoy reminiscing and laughing about some of our earlier shows and gigs in college. I can still vividly remember how, you know, we weren’t very polished and not always in sync back then. We’re still not very polished but, you know, at least we’re not polished together now in a sense. [laughs]

If I were to pick a favorite performance, it would also be the celebration of the Church Of Christ’s 50th anniversary in the West. We had just gotten engaged and I feel like performing in that event, and just being surrounded by so many people with really high levels of faith, helped us to grow in our faith individually. And you know, what we learned in that production really strengthened our foundation for our marriage.

Myrtle: You mentioned that what you learned in the production strengthened the foundation of your marriage. So what did you learn exactly during the production?

Darryl: Yeah, I mean, we definitely learned how to really trust in God when it comes to the process, you know. And we also kind of learned how to support each other especially, you know, in stressful times, yeah.

Jasmine: We also learned to be very patient. We had a lot of long nights and late nights preparing for that event. So that was, learning patience was definitely good for our marriage.

Myrtle: Oh yeah, those are great qualities to learn early on in your relationship.

Darryl, you mentioned that you had just gotten engaged. Do you mind sharing a little bit about your proposal?

Darryl: Yeah. Actually, the theater where we did our first production together, I was able to propose on that very stage. So, I was trying to think of what would be the perfect place for us to do that, and I was able to, you know, pull some strings with some friend who worked at that theater and decorated it with some of our memories and proposed on that stage.

Myrtle: Oh, wow.

Jasmine: Yeah, it felt like it went full circle.

Myrtle: That would definitely be a memorable place for your engagement to happen. Let’s go back to you, Jasmine, your favorite performance that you’ve done together.

Jasmine: Yeah, I would say my favorite performance we’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of was the play called ‘Steadfast’ and it was for the INCenterstage (the stage production platform in the Church Of Christ) in the District of Northwest California. The auditions were actually on the day of our wedding. So, we recorded our virtual auditions the day before in the hotel where we were, like, prepping, and we sent the videos in on the day of our wedding. And we were blessed to be casted in roles of husband and wife in the play.

And in the play, our characters went through like these different life challenges alongside their son, and they got through it as a family by prayer and with God’s guidance. And our entire first month of marriage was pretty much spent on that production, and I felt like we were acting out what the rest of our lives would essentially be like.

Myrtle: Oh, wow. And I have to say, the fact that you auditioned the day before your wedding and sent in the video auditions just shows how much, you know, the love of performing means to you both. Those two occasions must have been incredible and I was actually at INC50West in Sacramento. And I applaud all the performers on that day because it was absolutely amazing and incredible.

I’d just like to share something I read on www.psychologytoday.com from Dr. Stephen Betchan. He said that it’s not just hobbies that should be considered as interests. A Pew Research in 2016 found that: “44% of adults surveyed said that shared religious beliefs are important for a successful marriage.”

Now going back to your shared passion, what do you find attractive about your spouse when they’re in their “creative zone?”

Darryl: Jasmine can get pretty scary and intense when she’s in her zone. Like when she’s songwriting, I know I can’t talk until she’s done. She always puts her all into whatever she’s working on. I also really liked that she sets the highest standards for herself. Like she pretty much won’t stop until it’s perfect.

That amount of drive has always been something I admired about her. And it also extends to other facets of our lives, not just the creative part.

Myrtle: Okay, but on a scale of 1 to 10, how scary is she when, you know, she’s in her zone?

Darryl: I would say like 12.

Myrtle: Uh oh

Jasmine: I’m not that scary. No! [laughs]

Myrtle: How about you Jasmine? When Daryl’s in his creative zone, what do you find attractive?

Jasmine: You know, sometimes it’s a little bit hard to fully appreciate the other’s talent or artistic choices when we’re performing together, because sometimes we’re so focused on our own self. But when Darryl is like playing in a band without me, or acting in a scene that I’m not in, or if he’s even just playing on the guitar or the piano at home, while I’m like scrolling on my phone in the other room, sometimes I’m taken aback and I’m just like, “Wow, that’s my husband!” I mean, I know the amount of work and practice it took for him to get to that point. So that perseverance is definitely attractive, and of course I love seeing him have fun.

Myrtle: So, Darryl, did you know that she secretly thinks that to herself when she watches you?

Darryl: No, I always thought that she just wasn’t paying attention. [laughs]

Myrtle: So, as creative as you two are together, and when those creative juices are flowing and you’re playing off of each other, are there times when you want to perhaps delve into your own creative space and just focus on that?

Jasmine: Oh, we’re getting candid. I would say sometimes, yeah. But it’s not so much that we don’t want to spend time with each other. It’s more that there’s nothing to really talk about. You know what I mean?

Darryl: I know what you’re trying to say. So, essentially, I think what she’s trying to say is that we’ll enjoy each other’s presence and maybe it’s silent but we’re working on our own things together. So for example, Jasmine might be working on a sewing project while I’m reading a book or playing guitar. Sometimes it’ll be like 3 hours of straight silence, you know, and then the 3 hours are up and then we kind of look up from what we’ve been doing and we’re like, “Oh yeah, you’re here.”

Jasmine: Nooo, I mean…..

Darryl: But it’s also, like, in those moments we’re still enjoying being together while still doing our own thing, if that makes sense.

Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, we’re both very creative people, and sometimes it’s creative in different ways. You know, whether it’s sewing and he’s reading or, you know, he’s doing something else. So, I think it’s also important that even though there are parts of our creative space that don’t overlap, that we still make time for that.

Myrtle: Well you know, in your opinion, how important is it for newlywed couples to have a common interest or hobby together?

Darryl: I think it’s essential. You know, with marriage, you’re merging your two worlds and like if you imagine the two of you and your lives as different circles in a Venn diagram, sharing fun hobbies, passions, interests⁠—I feel like it really helps solidify that center portion, you know, when it overlaps?

Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, life as a newlywed is already so chaotic, and you have to learn how to allocate your time for yourself versus time for each other. And having a shared interest, it helps you work on yourself and your relationship at the same time.

Myrtle: What other hobbies or interests of your spouse did you adopt or try together in the first year of marriage?

Jasmine: Well, I have always loved music, but I’ve never been a huge fan of jazz music, which that’s Darryl’s jam. I ended up learning about all these like different jazz musicians, jazz standards, music theory, because, you know, that’s something that he was passionate about.

He’s also weirdly very passionate about his coffee and I learned a lot of the different brewing styles and the different notes in the coffee that I never knew existed. And yeah, we even go out to small coffee shops everywhere we go now.

Darryl: Yeah the funny thing is, for me, I always used to hate shopping. [laughs]

Myrtle: Typical, typical husband, hates shopping. [laughs]

Darryl: But Jasmine introduced me to thrift shopping and she’s pretty much a pro with that. With her, it feels more like a treasure hunt rather than like a regular shopping trip. And it’s something we do at least once a week now, and I’ve learned to really enjoy the hunt too.

Myrtle: But did you truly adopt the hobbies as your own or you just wanted to join in and spend some time with your spouse to strengthen your relationship as a newlywed couple?

Jasmine: I mean with the jazz and the coffee, some of it I learned passively just because I was constantly exposed to it, but some of it I learned intentionally. I kind of wanted to understand why Darryl would get so excited about certain things. I feel like I just didn’t want to get left out.

Darryl: Yeah, thrift shopping was just to spend time together at first. I was like okay, “I’ll try it, see what happens.” But then I learned to love it myself. Like I still don’t have the same amount of patience and stamina that she has while we’re in the thrift store, right? But Jasmine can stay in the store for hours and go to multiple stores in one day, but now we usually have to go get some coffee before we go thrift shopping. That helps.

Myrtle: Ah, so you combine both interests on, you know, one little trip so that’s kind of awesome.

At this point in the discussion, I’d like to turn to what the Bible has to say about how to strengthen the bonds of marriage. Here with us again is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi again, Brother Felmar. How are you today?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle. Hi everybody. I’m doing well, thank you, and I was just enjoying how Jasmine and Darryl described how they learned to like each other’s hobbies or interests. And it brought to my mind a Bible verse that I’d like to share with everyone today. It’s found here in the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter four, the verses are nine to 11. Here in the New International Version, I quote the following:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

[Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 New International Version]

Brother Felmar: So what can we gain from this Bible verse? Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. So the Bible is teaching us that much can be achieved when two or more cooperate. But since our podcast is about marriage, so in our discussion we’ll stick to two—husband and wife.

What else do we learn from the Bible based on the verse we read? We learned that two can help each other up, and two can help each other keep warm. Now how can this truth help our marriage? So let’s always be supportive of our spouse. Let’s be sensitive to our spouse’s interests. As long as the idea, or proposed new hobby, or dream is not against the will of God, why not do your genuine best to support your spouse? Wouldn’t you agree, Darryl and Jasmine?

Jasmine: Oh, yes, for sure.

Darryl: Yes, definitely.

Brother Felmar: That’s why I mentioned earlier that I really enjoyed listening to you two describe how you both made the effort to learn about each other’s passions or hobbies. Because Jasmine could have been like, ‘I like music, but I don’t like jazz. Live with it.’ Or Daryl could have said, ‘I hate shopping, so don’t even try to convince me.’

But think about it, everybody. That’s not a very warm way to react to something that your spouse enjoys doing. In fact, it’s quite cold. Also stopping your spouse in his or her tracks, when your spouse is trying to express to you about a passion or hobby that he or she has, well there is no additional warmth or positive connection that the relationship gains from that.

At the very least, why not show your spouse your sincere support for their interest by giving it a chance or trying it out, rather than just saying ‘no’ right off the bat. Speaking of saying no, who all the more should we not reject, especially when we are being called for a higher purpose? Let’s listen to what Apostle Peter wrote to the members of the Church Of Christ, here in the book of I Peter, chapter four, the verse is 10. We’ll stay here in the New International Version. First Peter, chapter four, the verse is ten. I quote the following:

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

[I Peter 4:10 New International Version]

Brother Felmar: What did Apostle Paul encourage all members of the Church Of Christ to do? To use whatever gift we have received from God to serve others. Isn’t that the same message we receive in the Church of Christ today through our Church Administration? That’s why at times, right, our resident minister, or local head deacon, or maybe one of the youth group officers, approach us, approach brethren, to do what? To invite us to hold a duty inside the Church so that we can use our God-given talent to serve or help others.

And Darryl and Jasmine are great examples of this. They’re gifted in music and the performing arts. But not only have they allowed their talents to benefit their relationship, but they have allowed their talents to be of service to the Church and our brethren, through events like the 50th Anniversary in the West, INCenter stage and the like.

Well, what if others are asking, “Well, me and my spouse, we’re not musically inclined.” That’s okay. We all have different strengths. Like those of us who are good with numbers, take up a duty in the finance department; those of us who are keen on data processing, join the secretariat; the tech savvy amongst us, take an office in the TSV (Technical Support for Videostreaming) or the district multimedia bureau.

The point is, if we are being called by God to hold a duty in the Church, to use those strengths or talents He gave us, let us not refuse God. So, let’s support our spouse in taking up a duty. Even better, if both husband and wife take up Church offices, for not only are we supporting each other and helping each other grow in faith but we are also, as a married couple together, helping the Church and being of service to others.

Myrtle: Those were great Bible verses, Brother Felmar, and we thank you so much for sharing them and those words of advice with all of us and our Happy Life listeners.

Brother Felmar: Well, like we learned, we are here to help each other, to be of service to each other, so that’s always a blessing, that’s always a wonderful privilege to do. So, thank you again to everybody and see you next time.

Myrtle: So, Darryl and Jasmine, how has your common interest or passion helped you in your faith and in your services to God?

Jasmine: Well, first of all, we’re so thankful that the Church Administration has allowed so many projects and initiatives within the creative space. We’ve had so many opportunities to partake in these projects and, you know, help grow and share our faith. And I’d say we really try to be good examples for the youth and, you know, show them how you can connect your passion to your faith.

Myrtle: Absolutely! The creativity and talent of Church Of Christ members all over the world, it’s incredible. And just seeing, you know, the INCMVs (Iglesia Ni Cristo/Church of Christ christian music videos) and other projects that are out there; the INCinemas (the film production platform of the Church Of Christ), and you know INCenterstage, all those things. Those are all amazing platforms for performers.

What would your advice be to newlyweds who are trying to find a hobby or activity to do together?

Darryl: I would say to have an open mind. Because if your spouse is excited about something, even if you’re not super excited about it initially, at the very least you’ll enjoy spending the time just doing something that they enjoy. And then eventually you might find that you grow to love yourself.

Jasmine: Or you might also grow to both hate activity and bond over that. But I’d say start small. Your shared passion or hobby doesn’t necessarily need to be anything big like an elaborate play or production. I don’t know, try board games, karaoke, painting, running even. But like Darryl said, it’s about the time spent, not necessarily the activity.

Myrtle: Well, personally, I’m passing on the running but everything else… [laughs]

Darryl: We pass on the running too. [laughs]

Myrtle: But are there any other possible hobbies or interests that you want to delve into together now?

Darryl: We’re getting older, so we do want to get more involved in healthier habits like cooking and exercising. And of course, everyone reminds us that we’re not getting any younger, so we should want to be in the best shape when we’re starting to have kids.

Jasmine: Oh, yeah, I’m not the most active person. So, even if it’s not something I’m particularly passionate about, I definitely do think we need to start working on building healthier habits. My older sister actually just got married and she and her husband are like #fitspo, #ironchef. They’re always sharing their workouts and their meals in our family chats, and they’re a huge inspiration for us.

Myrtle: For, you know, couples who might not understand yet, how would you describe how this common passion enhances your marriage and love for one another?

Jasmine: Yeah, so I would say imagine all the things that you would do with perhaps your best friend or your siblings that you just really genuinely enjoy. And imagine that—but exponentially better. I feel like sharing an interest or passion together is like having another love language, essentially. And in fact, it pretty much covers all of the other five love languages. It really just gives you, as a couple, more opportunities to express your love for each other.

Darryl: Yeah and because we are both so passionate about music, there are some times when we are very strongly opinionated about certain things, and sometimes our opinions do clash. So for example, like, deciding what genre a song should be, or I want this melody to go up versus she wants this melody to go down, and sometimes neither of us wants to budge. But we always find some kind of solution or compromise, and many times what we end up with is better than what either of us individually wanted to do in the first place.

When we are facing challenges in finding success, we make it a point to be prayerful. You know, if we feel stuck, we acknowledge that we don’t know everything and that God will help us on our path. Even before we got married, we would have our own devotional prayer and, you know, we would always ask God to guide us so that any decisions we make would not compromise our faith or our duties.

Myrtle: Well, definitely turning to God in prayer to ask for help in the challenging times and even to thank Him for the successes is integral I’d say.

What are your future goals together to further your love for the performing arts?

Darryl: Well, while we don’t yet have any kids, we do want to work on some original music. Even if it’s not to, like, put it out into the world, it would be nice to just have a somewhat tangible form of our art.

Jasmine: Yeah, it would be super special to be able to share this with our kids one day.

Myrtle: Absolutely, I think it’s a great idea! And I can’t wait to hear you know when your album drops. [laughs]

Well, Darryl, Jasmine, thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us today and for also sharing your love for music and the arts.

Jasmine: Thank you so much for having us.

Darryl: Thanks for having us.

Myrtle: Well, keep being creative over there in Oakland.

Deepening the love and bond you have with your spouse is something all newlyweds should strive for. Finding activities and hobbies to bring you closer as a newlywed couple can go a long way in helping to achieve that.

If I may share, when I first became a newlywed, I couldn’t understand my husband’s love for golf. But I finally gave in one day, and I joined him on the course. Lo and behold, now it’s become something we love to do together!

So, hopefully we’ve given you some inspiration to talk to your husband or wife to suggest a new hobby to try, or even to maybe just get back to an interest you already share together but haven’t had time for. Make that time and build some memories together!

That brings us to the end of our discussion today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

Buying Your First House as Newlyweds

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When Chris and Alyssa realized their relationship was heading towards marriage, they decided to sit down together to talk about their finances! Find out what they learned together about budgeting and even buying a home as newlyweds.

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Buying Your First House as Newlyweds

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Hi, Happy Life listeners. I’m pretty excited to have the discussion today with our newlywed couple. In my opinion, it’s a topic that a lot of newlyweds, and married couples in general, want to know more about but are maybe hesitant to talk about. What is it, you ask? Well, today we’ll chat about finances and whether buying a house as newlyweds is feasible.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. Later we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: I’m really grateful to have Chris and Alyssa here, our newlyweds from Vista, California, to share their financial journey thus far as a married couple. Hi, Chris and Alyssa and welcome to the Happy Life Podcast.

Chris Agana: Hi, Myrtle.

Alyssa Agana: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, it’s a pleasure. You know, what’s life like right now there, down in Vista, California?

Chris Agana: It’s not too bad. It’s, you know, that SoCal weather. It’s warm but nice and breezy. I know, it’s the beginning of spring now. It’s like the perfect weather so it’s been just nice and cool

Alyssa Agana: Can’t complain.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, send some of that sunshine over here to “Raincouver” as we like to call our city. Always jealous of the California sunshine. But again, it’s so great to have you here on the Happy Life Podcast. So please let us know how you met and how long you’ve been married.

Chris Agana: Alright, so Alyssa and I actually met when we were teenagers. This is back when I first moved into the area, and I actually met her at church. And I’ll have to say and admit that it was love at first sight.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww.

Chris Agana: We became friends, and got to know each other and actually dated for several years,

Alyssa Agana: Several years. And in 2019, Chris finally popped the question. And about a year later, we got married in November of 2020.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s been almost a year and a half now that you’ve been married. My understanding is you became homeowners too before you got married. So for all the engaged to be wed couples out there who are currently planning ahead, can you share how this was even possible?

Chris Agana: Yeah, sure. So we actually both grew up with parents who taught us to always save, save, and save. Growing up, we would both always hear, save more than you spend and also live below your means. So early on, we developed good saving habits. And with the money that we both save individually, we knew that we had to be strategic in how we budget our money. And we had open conversations with each other to align and establish our priorities. The first thing was our wedding, second was a down payment on the house, and third was that we wanted to have enough money left over to have a comfortable emergency fund.

Alyssa Agana: We also reached out to friends who recently bought homes to learn more about their experiences. And through that we were able to find a first homebuyers program, which helped a lot.

Chris Agana: We also held devotional prayers together daily and often in the chapel. When we put an offer on this house that we have now, we went straight to the chapel and we prayed about it. And the next day, we found out that the offer was accepted.

Myrtle Alegado : Oh, that’s fabulous. But you know, it sounds like there were so many expenses, you know, one after another. It’s like, your wedding, which you know, was it a big wedding?

Chris Agana: You know, because of COVID it was supposed to be a big wedding and it got smaller, and smaller, and smaller, and actually became a small intimate wedding, which we really appreciated. It helps us save some money, but also I think it was the wedding that God intended for us.

Myrtle Alegado: I keep saying the important thing is you’re married.

Chris Agana: Absolutely.

Myrtle Alegado: And you know, that was the number one goal right? So, it must have been a really exciting feeling when, you know, your offer was accepted. So, you know, what other expenses, in your experience, did you come across with the purchase of your home and, do you have any tips for other newlyweds out there who are going to be first-time home buyers as well?

Chris Agana: So, when people are trying to figure out if they can afford a home, oftentimes they get caught up with that big listing price, but it’s important to look at what that monthly payment will look like.

On top of your mortgage, you’ll have to determine if there’s going to be additional monthly fees. So some of these monthly fees are something called an HOA, which is a homeowner’s association fee. This is for property maintenance, and amenities. There’s also something called local community taxes. For example, here in the state of California, we have something called Mello-Roos. There’s also property tax, there’s home insurance, and depending on how much you put down for a downpayment, you may also have to pay something called PMI and this is private mortgage insurance.

There’s additional costs and fees that need to be paid for upfront, such as closing costs, there’s home inspection fees, there’s also appraisal fees. And there’s also an escrow account. So fortunately for us, our first homebuyers program provided us with a free educational course, and this helped us understand the whole process and what to expect financially. And to let everybody know, there’s a lot of free online resources.

Myrtle Alegado : Yeah, a lot of fees that kind of stack on top of one another without even realizing. Like you said, some people just look at the sticker price on the house. Like, “Okay, we can afford that.” And then they’re shocked to learn, well, no, there’s this fee, and that fee, and this expense, and that expense, like even just the home inspection fee. You know, this Mello-Roos. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? It’s not something that I’ve heard of here in Canada. So I’m not sure if it’s just in BC, but I don’t think we have that here in Canada.

Chris Agana: Sure. So in California, I’m not sure that other states have this, they may call it something else, but it’s usually in areas that are in development. So, the newer areas that have to make sure they have the roads set up, they have the schools built, and everything that you need in the community. That tax pretty much covers when people purchase the homes in developing areas.

Myrtle Alegado: Definitely sounds like there’s a lot of information to research and, you know, knowledge that you have to arm yourselves with when you’re buying a home.

But, you know, as for you two were you always on the same page in terms of financial goals or, you know, how did you even broach the subject and open up the conversation while you two were still dating?

Chris Agana: So while we were dating, we’d often talk about our future together and what we wanted in life. And we knew that we wanted a traditional wedding, which luckily we had, we also wanted to buy a house and a home for us to move into immediately right after the wedding.

In order for us to achieve these things together, we had to be open and comfortable about money, right? We had to talk about money and be as honest about dollar amounts—how much money we earn, how much money we have saved, and even how much debt we might have.

Alyssa Agana: And honestly, it was harder for me to start talking about finances. And initially, I really struggled with being, like, so open about discussing dollar amounts. But we came to the understanding that we both had to see the big picture of our financial situation, which is so important in a relationship, especially in one that’s leading into marriage.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, for sure. And I don’t think, you know, finances is an easy topic, at all, of conversation for most people. So, you know, what was it like when you first started having those discussions?

Chris Agana: So, having those types of discussions can be difficult and actually just really uncomfortable. But it’s really important for couples to talk about finances while dating and actually planning their future together. It helps them to better understand each other with their spending habits, current financial situation, if they have plans for pursuing education in the future, they’ll have to know if they’re going to have to take on more debt. And sometimes you’ll never know if your significant other is helping their own family with bills and expenses, so it’s good to know these things. Having an open conversation about finances also helps us to manage our expectations of how we can spend money within our relationship.

Alyssa Agana: And as we started having more serious conversations about getting married and life plans, we also became more interested in financial planning and budgeting, especially since we’re both more established in our careers and felt more financially ready at the time.

So once we got engaged, that interest grew exponentially, and we started preparing our wedding budget, and also began house hunting. And at that point, financial planning and budgeting became a necessity. And now with more than one year of marriage under our belts, we want to learn more about investing and also becoming more financially literate.

Chris Agana: So it takes a lot of maturity, and it takes a lot of trust to be honest about financial challenges that you or your significant other may be facing. And for us talking about finances actually brought our relationship to another level and we were able to understand each other a lot better.

Myrtle Alegado: So you said that you were kind of pretty stable in your careers. Do you mind if I ask what you both do for a living?

Alyssa Agana: So I currently work in the regulatory affairs department for a medical device company. Previously, I was working in a lab.

Chris Agana: And I currently work in the compliance department, specifically privacy for a health provider.

Myrtle Alegado: What are the things that you do to help each other budget, especially now as a newlywed couple?

Alyssa Agana: So, we make it a priority to set a date at the end of each month for budgeting and reviewing our expenses. We remind each other to be mindful of our spending and we’re also very honest with each other about purchases. And we try to make sure we’re on the same page especially when it comes to really big purchases, but we’re also still trying to figure out what budgeting method works best for us. Budgeting for us has always been about adjusting and adapting.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, how do you buy gifts for each other, if you have to, like, be upfront about your purchases? Then you can’t surprise each other!

Chris Agana: Well, we don’t check it to that extent.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, okay. That’s no fun!

Chris Agana: While we were dating, and when we were engaged, we were both living with our parents. And prior to getting married, we didn’t know what our monthly expenses were going to look like until we actually got married and started living together.

The first few months were more about, I think, information gathering—trying to see how much our average monthly spending would look like. So as the first couple months passed, we were able to get a baseline and begin figuring out where we could make adjustments. We are actually considering doing something called a zero-based budgeting, where every dollar we earn has a purpose.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, there’s a lot of learning, definitely, in the first couple of weeks and a couple of months.

Alyssa Agana: Yeah, and when we first started tracking, we were spending a lot on dining out and coffee and things like that. And we made it like an intention to lessen our dining out and we ended up spending more on groceries. But not that much more that it met the dining out amount that we were spending initially.

Myrtle Alegado: I’m guilty of the coffee purchases sometimes. So it’s just being cognizant, I think, of the spending and like you said watching where it goes, right.

So you said something about zero-based budgeting. Can you tell me a little bit more about that and what that means, because I’m absolutely clueless over here. [laughs]

Chris Agana: So it’s pretty much, once you have an understanding of how much money is coming in monthly, you’re automating where that money’s going, each dollar pretty much. Let’s say you make $1,000 a month, you know that a certain amount’s going straight to your retirement account, a certain amount’s going straight to a certain checking account that covers your bills, a certain other amount’s going straight into your emergency fund.

It’s like you know what the purpose is for each dollar, so that if you do get that money just dropped into one account, and you don’t have a plan for it, you might just spend it when it comes your way. So having that zero-based budget, you’re almost hoping that you’re not going to spend it all so it gets to zero. But each dollar has its purpose so that there’s not just money sitting around for you to spend.

Myrtle Alegado: So you’re pretty much tracking it better than just letting it go into one account and then… Okay, I kind of understand now.

You know, I suppose there are so many ways to look at finances and budgeting and there are different approaches too, but right now I’m curious what the Bible has to say on this topic.

So at this point, we welcome back a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Nice to have you back on Happy Life, Brother Felmar.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, again, Myrtle, and great to have Chris and Alyssa here with us today. Thanks for joining the show.

You know, growing up, my parents also taught about the importance of saving up and being careful with how you spend or use what you have. So I was nodding along while Chris and Alyssa were talking about that earlier.

However, when it comes to saving up, our parents were not the first ones to teach about this. In fact, what does the Bible say about preparing for our future? Let me read for you what’s stated in the Book of Proverbs, chapter six, the verses are six to eight. We’ll quote from The New International Version:

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.

[Proverbs 6:6-8 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So like I was saying earlier, our parents were not the first ones to teach about saving up. Who [were] the first? The ants were!

Myrtle Alegado: I had no clue, Brother Felmar, that the ants had all of these financial things figured out long before we did.

Brother Felmar Serreno: They had it figured out a long time ago. No, no, no, everybody. That’s just a joke, right. It is the Lord our God, who is the one teaching us about how to effectively prepare for our future. And how is God teaching us? Through His truths written in the Bible, where in this particular verse, an example is being used, namely, the ants.

Brother Felmar Serreno: What should we learn from the ants? It stores its provisions in summer, the Bible says, gathers its food at harvest. Now what do summer and harvest represent? They refer to the time to work, or the available opportunity in order for one to save for the future. So when that opportunity is there, the time when we should be saving rather than spending excessively, we should not waste that time or opportunity.

Now, what should we also bear in mind? It’s difficult to save efficiently without a plan. Do you agree, Chris and Alyssa?

Chris Agana: Yes, absolutely.

Alyssa Agana: Yes, definitely.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Now, if you’re going to make a plan, it might as well be a good one, right? That’s why seeking knowledge, doing research, taking advantage of courses out there, like what Chris and Alyssa did, this is an integral aspect of saving up for the future. And as we’ve discussed in past episodes, based on the Bible, who should we always include in our plans? Our Almighty God—seeking His guidance and favor through prayer.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Do you know why else it’s important to communicate with God and to trust in Him, even when it comes to matters like buying a home? Let me read for you what’s stated here in the book of Psalms, chapter 142, the verses are one, three down to five in The Message:

I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. “As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path.

[Psalms 142:1, 3-5 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Human as we are, there is a limit to how far ahead we can plan. Sometimes, just planning out the next day’s difficult. Add to this the many, many things that are beyond our control. Knowing this, what should we include in our prayers to God? The Bible states, “I plead with God for mercy. You know how I’m feeling, Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path.”

And how does this apply to financial matters like buying a home? Well, sadly, we do live in a world where title and deed fraud exist, as well as home inspection scams, scams involving mortgages, and the like. Now, I don’t know if Chris and Alyssa have ever experienced this firsthand. Have you come across or know others who have been victims of things like scams or fraud?

Chris Agana: Unfortunately, yes, especially in the news.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And what are these? These can be considered as traps, which are hidden from us. And what has been the experience of many? They became victims of such fraud or criminality, which became a major setback for them. Imagine trying to be diligent and honest in saving up for your future only to have it stolen from you, due to a hidden trap.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Mind you, unexpected and devastating scenarios do not only come in the form of scams but also in the form of things like calamities, natural disasters, as well as social unrest. So to everyone listening, who is the only One whom we can turn to to save us, to steer us away from traps that are hidden in our path? The Lord our God, for He is Almighty and all knowing.

In summary, newlyweds who are preparing for their future, should not be careless with the time and opportunity that God is giving us. Make every day count. Remember, too, that our earnings are part of God’s blessings to us, so let us not waste it. Rather, husband and wife ought to talk and work together on a regular basis in budgeting the income, and for this to be done in a harmonious and efficient way—let us pray about it. Our devotional prayers are crucial for God to bless and guide our plans, and to save us from any kind of trap or misfortune that we cannot foresee on our own.

Myrtle Alegado: We always appreciate the biblical advice you’re able to impart to us on the topics we discuss with our newlyweds, Brother Felmar. Thank you again for being here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you again, Myrtle, and God bless to Chris and Alyssa. And hello again and see you next time to all our listeners out there.

Myrtle Alegado: So, you know, having heard all of that advice from the Bible, what do you prioritize when you do your finances as newlyweds, Chris and Alyssa?

Chris Agana: So our highest priority is to set aside for [our] offering first. Then, we pay ourselves by contributing to our retirement investment accounts, then it’s our necessities like groceries, then fixed expenses and bills like our mortgage, our HOA, internet and other utilities, and then finally the remaining expenses that aren’t necessities but we still enjoy, like eating out, our coffee, and shopping, and travel.

Myrtle Alegado: So what happens if you go over your budget on, you know, dining, and coffee, and shopping?

Chris Agana: It’s okay. I don’t think we’re too strict on ourselves, right, as long as we’re not splurging. And just going back to the comment you made about the coffee thing, as long as you make a budget for it, you know, enjoy your coffee a day. You might have to trim $5 or so off the grocery list or whatever the expense is, but I like for us, if there’s something that we enjoy we’ve just got to make adjustments so that we can actually enjoy our money.

Myrtle Alegado: So move that money around, appropriate somewhere else. So do I need that blouse, or do I want the coffee?

Alyssa Agana: Exactly.

Myrtle Alegado: So has, you know, the discussion of or addressing your finances ever cause any tension in your marriage?

Chris Agana: It’s not tension, but we both have different risk tolerance. So Alyssa always keeps me grounded on decision making, and I try to expose us to other investment options. An example is that one morning, I wasn’t happy with the super low interest rate that our savings account, holding our emergency fund, was earning.

So I told Alyssa, I was like, “We are going to put all our money in the emergency fund in the stock market.” And she was like, “Whoa, whoa.” She reminded me that this emergency fund is for emergency purposes, that we have to be able to access it, you know, as soon as possible if there [are] emergencies. So that actually kept me grounded.

Alyssa Agana: And finances, in my opinion, [haven’t] caused any major tension in our relationship, but Chris has always been the more financially literate one. So when he brought up wanting to invest more in the stock market or in crypto, I didn’t understand what these things were, so I was super apprehensive about it. But he explained these to me, and in doing my own learning I began to understand more, and I felt more comfortable about making those decisions together.

Also being homeowners and being married, that really affected my mindset on spending. I think of myself as a little bit of a recovering shopaholic. I used to love shopping, I still do.

Myrtle Alegado: I can relate. [laughs]

Alyssa Agana: Oh, yeah! But once we became homeowners, all I could think about was the mortgage. And with being married, it’s not just my money. I’m sharing that money with my spouse.

So there was a time where I felt like I wasn’t allowed to buy anything that was just for myself, unless I really, really needed it. It took a lot of adjusting and being open and honest with Chris about it. And of course being the understanding and encouraging husband that he is, he reassured me that I shouldn’t feel this way and that we just have to make a budget for it, like he was saying. And I’m still working on finding that balance and shifting my mindset, but it has improved significantly.

Myrtle Alegado: So be honest, when he wanted to move everything to stocks, you know, what was your reaction?

Alyssa Agana: I was like, “Hold up.” [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado: Wait, what? [laughs]

But you know, your top three financial planning or budgeting tips, what would they be for the engaged couples out there or newly married couples?

Chris Agana: Sure. So I would say that number one, it would be to have an open communication about finances. We have to understand each other’s financial situations and spending habits. And also talk about your goals, because these can impact and be impacted by financial decisions.

Number two, as a couple, know where your money is going. I would suggest having a spreadsheet or an app for tracking your spending. I always go back to how our parents would have to use, you know, checkbooks to manually balance their money, right. So we have it a lot easier nowadays. So take the time to prepare a realistic budget and always remember to compromise.

Number three would be to prioritize an emergency fund, because you are no longer responsible just for yourself, and emergencies happen so you always want to be prepared.

And our biggest tip would be to pray for your finances, your livelihood, and your decision making, so that our Almighty God can always guide you.

Myrtle Alegado: If there are individuals out there who never grew up with the great advice that your parents instilled in you to save, save, save, you know, or if one spouse is a spender and one is a saver—I’m the spender, I’m the spender. I admit it—how can people start to turn around their habits and find some balance?

Chris Agana: Well, we never think it’s too late to start, right? We’ve heard of stories from other couples who are able to completely turn around their financial situation. So I would say that the first step is for both people within the relationship, they have to acknowledge and agree that a change needs to be made—and then actually take action.

Alyssa Agana: And then once you’re on the same page, you need to assess your current financial situation and understand where all your money is going. We speak from experience when we say tracking your expenses, and seeing your numbers, will be alarming initially. But it will help you identify and find where you may be overspending and where you can make cuts.

Chris Agana: And then from there, you have to establish a budget and set some savings goals. Find a budget method that works best for you, and then within that budget, set a savings goal. Also set yourself up for success, and once you meet that plan you’ll be on your way to achieve that goal.

Alyssa Agana: We also recommend automating your savings. We both read a book which recommended setting up an automatic transfer of a specific amount from your paycheck to a savings or investment account, and that way you won’t be tempted to spend that money.

Lastly, it’s to use your resources. Seek out people around you who would be willing to provide any advice. There’s also countless free resources online to help you get started as well.

Myrtle Alegado: So, you know, with all of your knowledge regarding finances, did either of you take a course about this or was this just like self-learning?

Chris Agana: Self-learning, mainly. I mean, I think I took a personal finance class in high school, but the only thing I remember is balancing a checkbook back then. And yeah, I think a lot of it’s been through YouTube and podcasts and just trying to learn.

We also reached out to some older people at our Church, who we look as mentors, and of course our parents. We asked them, you know, “What’s the best advice that you [can] give as far as finances?”

Alyssa Agana: We also listen to a lot of podcasts as well. I think I learn best when I’m listening to something while I’m doing something else. So that’s been really helpful. Chris has sent me several podcasts to listen to, and I found them very enlightening.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I find it admirable that, you know, you’re both pretty disciplined when it comes to your finances. I think maybe that’s what a lot of people have to work towards, is disciplining themselves in terms of spending. But you know for you two, what are your next financial goals, and how do you plan to achieve them?

Chris Agana: So our next financial goals are to fine-tune our budgeting, level up even more on our financial literacy. We also want to establish multiple income streams, preferably passive that could be through, maybe, real estate or even content creation. And we want to learn more about investment options to make the best of our earnings.

We’ve actually become very interested in reaching financial independence at an early age so that we are able to focus more time on our duties at church and our families. We plan to do this by learning more through books, online resources, as we mentioned, podcasts, reaching out to others, trying to find more mentors, and of course, through faith and prayer.

Myrtle Alegado: Content creation. Do tell, do tell. Are you willing to share?

Chris Agana: You know, I think just being on here and going through some questions, I kind of want us to be able to help other couples through content creation; whether it’s through blogging, or social media, in podcasting. I think it’d be really beneficial, especially fitting our particular demographic. What do you think?

Alyssa Agana: Sure.

Chris Agana: [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado: Alyssa’s like, “Sure, honey, whatever you say.” She’ll just be your trusted sidekick.

Chris Agana: She’s going to be the face of it.

Myrtle Alegado: So how has, you know, your faith and prayer helped both of you in your relationship when it comes to dealing with finances, and saving, and budgeting?

Alyssa Agana: So we held devotional prayers for our wedding and home buying process. And now that we’re married, we continue in our devotional prayers together. And we always remember to include our finances, our livelihood, and for guidance in our decision making.

Chris Agana: Yeah, and God has definitely blessed us with amazing opportunities and has helped us financially. So even though we make our own goals and have our own hopes for the future, we know that we can’t get there without His guidance.

Myrtle Alegado: So your positive advice to those newlyweds and engaged-to-be-wed couples out there is that it is possible to be newlywed homeowners. Yes?

Alyssa Agana: Definitely.

Chris Agana: Absolutely.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, you know, I thank you so much for being here with us on Happy Life today and for sharing all of your knowledge and what your financial journey has been like thus far as newlyweds. So, you know, it was really great to have you both here on Happy Life.

Chris Agana: Thank you very much.

Alyssa Agana: Thank you for having us. This is a lot of fun.

Myrtle Alegado: And if you ever come up to Vancouver, you can come up and give me some tips so I can stop spending.

Avoiding the topic of finances in your relationship is an easy thing to do, but it isn’t really beneficial. So, just rip the band-aid off so to speak, and jump into that discussion with your fiance or spouse, and get going on your own financial journey.

And that’s it for our discussion today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team! We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

Parenting Children with Special Needs

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1 out of 700 babies in the U.S. are born with Down’s Syndrome. Two moms discuss the challenges and blessings of their life with a special needs child.

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Parenting Children with Special Needs

Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, we have two moms, each with a son born with special needs.

Maribel Aquino: Hi, my name is Maribel Aquino from Pomona, California. I have a three-year-old son named Brennan.

Acelyne Parco Sagabaen: My name is Acelyne Parco Sagabaen from Burlingame, California. My son is Jaxson, and he’s one year old.

Mariel: Acelyne’s son, Jaxson was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome during pregnancy, and Maribel’s son, Brennan was diagnosed at birth. Down’s Syndrome is characterized by intellectual and developmental delay due to a chromosomal disorder. Despite these challenges, a growing number of people with DS live independently and are able to find employment.

Life with a special needs child

Maribel: Three words to describe Brennan. Number one, he is brave. He’s sociable and diligent. He is brave. Actually looking back, my husband and I were thinking, “There must be a reason why we named him Brennan because the meaning of this name is brave.” Brennan is sociable. He gives a hug to everyone he meets. He lights up the room with the sweetest smile. And Brennan is diligent. Until now has been receiving therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and then now speech therapy. And he works so hard and he doesn’t complain.

Acelyne: Three words to describe Jaxson. Jaxson is strong, and loving, and mellow. Maribel, what’s a fear that you had when you first found out about Brennan’s diagnosis? And looking back what would you tell your old self about that fear?

Maribel: More than anything else, I feared for his health, and I feared for his life. You know, those unanticipated health issues. When we learned about his congenital heart defect, we were so scared. And looking back, what will I tell myself, I will tell myself that everything will be okay. Learn to let go and let God take control of everything. And everything will be okay. I remember where during NICU (newborn intensive care unit) days hospital stays, I kept telling myself: “Nothing God gives that we cannot handle.” I kept on repeating those words in my mind. And it helped me get through all those difficult situations.

Acelyne: I had fears of—I had a lot of fears when I found out about Jaxson’s diagnosis, like, I had fears that people wouldn’t include him or love him just because he had a disability, like, I was so scared that people would leave him out. And I also had fears of having the ability to care for a child with a special with special needs, because I had no idea how to care for someone with special needs. I’ve never been in that situation. I also had fears of having enough time and resources because before being a mom, I felt like I had no time, or I didn’t have enough time for myself. So when I found out about his diagnosis, I kept thinking like, how am I going to take him to his appointments? How am I going to take care of him? And how do we have enough financial resources to bring him to all these specialists and doctors? I was just so scared.

And I also had fears about the future like who would take care of him if something happened to myself or my husband? Like will he be able to take care of himself? I don’t—I just didn’t know.

Looking back, I would tell my old self not to worry. Don’t worry about anything. You may feel nervous and scared but we have a God that can help us through anything. He’s the greatest provider. Maribel, I feel like there’s definitely more worried that parenting challenges, right? What do you think the most rewarding thing is about being a mom of a child with special needs?

Maribel: Raising kids is not an easy task. It takes a village; more so if they have special needs. For me, the most rewarding aspect of being a parent to a kid with special needs is that we get to see, experience, and feel God’s miracles firsthand in our lives. Through Brennan, we see God’s love and power. There’s just so many, like I have a long list of answered prayers. We felt so much closer to God. And this beautiful journey, although it may be challenging, and for others, they may see it as inconvenient. It could be an [unconventional] kind of parenting, but the rewards are so much greater and it outweighs all those challenges.

Acelyne: I love that you said that Maribel! Because like Brennan is three years old now and Jaxson is still one. So I’m still really new to being a mom, how do you find the strength to keep going?

Maribel: If I may share this one experience? The very first surgery. One Monday morning, I received a call from the NICU doctor. Nine o’clock. The doctor told me that they’re going to do the surgery. It’s called exploratory laparotomy. It’s a procedure to open up the abdomen to fix or find out what’s causing the problem. Brennan was few weeks old. We didn’t know what the problem was. He kept vomiting. That Monday morning when they called us, [they said] they’re going to do that surgery on that same day. I was bawling. And I thought I’d lose my mind.

I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do. My husband was already at work. I was by myself. I ran to our living room. And then I knelt down and prayed. The doctor was even worried about me because you know, when she was telling me about the procedure and explaining my sense of hearing stops, because you know, like, she was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But all I heard was there’s a surgery, you know, they have to do the surgery.

During the preparation, I remember the nurse asked for the waiver for me to sign, right? Because I couldn’t sign it. I couldn’t take any longer. I ran to the restroom. And then I grabbed a clean toilet seat cover. I laid it flat on the floor. And then that’s where I knelt. I said—I just surrendered everything to God. It’s His will, whatever happens, you know? “Just give me the strength that I need.” But there’s hope. I mean, I’m praying that he’ll make it.

And then after that, I went back to his room and then signed the waiver form. And then yeah, that they did the surgery after two or three hours and then he’s back. That first surgery, and then here comes another one. And then the third one. He was under the knife nine times. You thought it would get easier. No. Another major surgery was the heart. But thanks be to God. I mean, because of His mercy and compassion, look at Brennan now. He has come so far and we’re so grateful to our own Almighty God. So what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a mom to a child with special needs?

Acelyne: I feel like the most rewarding part is seeing him grow and seeing him like smash all his goals, even though it may take him a little longer than typical children. Seeing him accomplish one goal and how happy he is, it just makes me so happy. Seeing him grow within a community that loves him. So I’m so happy that he gets to grow up inside the Church Of Christ because the community inside the Church is so strong and supportive, I wouldn’t know what I do without all the brothers and sisters in the Church Of Christ. They love him so much and I love seeing how much happiness he brings them, and to know that he’s not a burden.

So that’s that was also one of my fears that he would be a burden to myself or he would be a burden to me and Jones, my husband, or my family, or be a burden to other people. But it was the total opposite. He’s not a burden he’s a ball of love. He’s the total opposite of a burden he’s such a blessing to us and such a blessing to our family and He’s truly a gift from God, that’s a great source of happiness to us.

Special needs parent burnout

Acelyne: So, Maribel how do you overcome special needs parent burnout?

Maribel: Okay, this may sound cliche, but I strongly believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So, we have to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others, right? So how can we take care of others if we’re sick? So we have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally fit, with proper nutrition. Also, I try to squeeze in exercises.

We cannot underestimate the value of “me time” because our needs matter too! Our needs are important too. Also, communication with the spouse or family member. And it’s also an important thing is [to] find a support group. Try to look for resources that are offered within the community. And most of all, pray. Pray that because we have God as our best friend. He is always ready to listen 24/7. Okay, how about you Sister Acelyn, how what do you do to overcome the parent burnout being a special needs parent?

Acelyne: Like you, I absolutely believe that “me time” is so important to overcome special needs parent burnout because, I mean, almost every day we go through therapies and driving there and making sure he making sure Jaxson eats and gets changed and cleaned before therapy and after therapy. [My husband and I], we make sure that we set aside some time to go for a walk just to go outside and get some vitamin D and feel the sun on our faces because we’ve been indoors taking care of Jaxson all day. I love that my husband also allows me to get a massage. I mean simple things like that or just [getting] boba after a therapy like that really helps us out, so we don’t get burnt out. Setting aside time to meditate at the house of worship, and making sure we have that moment of peace and silence, meditating and resetting our mind and our bodies and really get rid of all that built-up stress that we may have throughout the week and be renewed.

Another thing we do to overcome special needs parent and burnout is asking for help when we need it because really, taking care of a child with special needs, it’s like another a whole other job, it’s like a full-time job. So whenever someone offers us help, and we need it, we make sure to take it because we might overstress ourselves or might be mentally drained, because of all the appointments that we have to go. And we make sure to treat ourselves with anything that we like, like even just doing some, doing a hobby that we like to do. So for me, one of my hobbies is reading. So even just a few moments to curl up in a corner and, and read a book or learn a new language, something fun. Spending time to go out for a dinner every once in a while, that that really helps us.

My prayer for Jaxson is for him, to grow up strong, for him to know that he’s loved. For him to understand his purpose, and for him to know that he has a purpose and he’s not worthless. I want him I pray for him to grow up knowing God’s words, to grow up knowing that he’s a loved servant of God, and a loved child of God. I pray he will always be protected from any harm and danger and to grow up with good health and, and the ability to serve with all his heart. That’s my prayer.

Maribel: My prayer for Brennan is that God will give him the strength to overcome all these challenges, because there’s just so many unanticipated health issues with Brennan, you know, like just a simple cough and cold for a typical child to recover for a week, but with Brennan, it may take few weeks, two months, and sometimes it could even mean hospitalization. We fear that you know, like, because hospital life is difficult. Every day we do not take for granted every single day that we are home. We are thankful we are home, because that means he’s healthy. We are home, that means we are not at the hospital. And [in] our prayer, we are thankful to God because we have him. He’s alive. He’s been through a lot, but he is with us. God continues to entrust Brennan to us and that is a very big blessing to our family. This journey, it’s challenging, but it is very beautiful. It’s one thing that I would not trade anything in this world.

Mariel: Thanks to Maribel and Acelyne for sharing tiny snippets of what life with a special needs child is like. You might be surprised to find out that it sounds similar to your own parenting journey, even though you may not even have a child with special needs. Parenting a child with developmental or intellectual disabilities used to be very stigmatized, but thankfully people with disabilities are more advocated for in society today.

I’m Marlel Gutierrez, thanks for listening to the Faith and Family podcast. Don’t forget to like and subscribe and follow @incmedianews on Instagram for the latest on incmedia.org.

Having a Honeymoon Baby

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Thirdy and Bianca, from London, share what their experience has been like adjusting to newlywed life and to the unexpected surprise of welcoming a baby in the first year of marriage.

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Having a Honeymoon Baby

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds is an exciting time in the marriage journey but have you known some newly married friends who found out that they were expecting a wedding night or honeymoon baby soon after marriage too? We’re going to delve into that topic today as we launch season two, so stay tuned.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: In Season One of Happy Life, we talked about adjustments as newlyweds and the transition from the big day to your new life as husband and wife. Imagine now that one of those adjustments also includes welcoming a baby. And today we have with us Thirdy and Bianca all the way from London. Their wedding was in April of 2021, so another pandemic wedding. Hi, Thirdy and Bianca, and thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, thank you for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, how are you two doing over there in London?

Thirdy & Bianca Magsino: We’re good. We’re good.

Thirdy Magsino: A bit sleep deprived, but we’re good.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s to be expected. So can you tell us a little more about your wedding and you know, your life together immediately afterwards?

Thirdy Magsino: So we got married last year, April 29, 2021. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. So she lives in Hamburg, Germany. And the wedding was on the 29th of April. And shortly afterwards, maybe three days after, she left…

Bianca Magsino: I had to go back

Thirdy Magsino: To go back to Germany to fix some paperwork and to handle some government things for the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow. Like only 3 days?

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was, it was kind of bittersweet. It was like, from the high of the wedding. And then all of a sudden, like the sadness of saying goodbye straight away, like a few days after.

Myrtle Alegado: So you had your wedding, and then you went back to being kind of like an LDR [long distance relationship] couple .

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. But then it wasn’t for too long. Because Thirdy then came to Hamburg to stay with me in June, until August, which was nice. So we’ve got to spend some time in Hamburg as well before I finally moved to the UK in September 2021.

Thirdy Magsino: We always said, looking back, it’s not going to be long, but in the moment.

Bianca Magsino: In the moment, it always feels long.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, well, that’s true. I mean, it was, what, four or five months. So it’s kind of significant, a third of the year or whatnot. So but you know, on our episode today, we’re talking about having a honeymoon baby or expecting a baby in your first year of marriage.

First of all, congratulations to both of you on the recent birth of your baby girl. So when was she born? And what’s her name?

Bianca Magsino: Thank you. She was born on the 19th of January 2022. And her name is…

Thirdy Magsino: Evie Grace Magsino.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s so wonderful, you know, [as] first time parents you must be, as you said, sleep deprived, but at the same time, you’re probably ecstatic that she’s finally arrived.

But you know, when we were looking into discussing this topic, we found that there were pros and cons to becoming pregnant right away after the wedding. You know, for example, some pros are if you’re worried about having problems conceiving, you know, at least you’ll find out right away and you’ll have avoided the question many people ask right after you get married—you know, “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?!”

And on the other hand, some cons are that having a baby means a huge change in your life right away, which also means you won’t really have that time to adjust to one another during the newlywed phase. And also your friends might not be at the same stage as you or, you know, ready to have children of their own. So you might not be able to see your friends as much.

So why don’t you tell me about how you found out about your pregnancy, Bianca, and what it was like?

Bianca Magsino: So I found out when I was back in Germany. It was a month after when I was waiting for that “time of the month” to come. And it wasn’t coming, so I was like “Okay, maybe it’s time for me to actually check” because there is a possibility. And by the time I did check, well it turned out positive. So I was like, “oh, okay,” but maybe it does happen that sometimes it does test positive but you know, a false positive. So I waited another week and then I tested again and it turned out positive again. So I was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m guessing we’re pregnant.”

And yeah, you can really say it is a honeymoon baby because we weren’t really [together not long) after the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Literally a honeymoon baby, because if you left after three days…. [laughs]

Bianca Magsino: And then I waited a bit to tell Thirdy because I wanted to kind of surprise him in a special way and not just tell him on the phone, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” I ended up ordering something online. It was a baby romper that said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Daddy.” And I shipped it to his house. And yeah, I was on the phone when I told him to open the package. He thought it was, because I think it was almost close to our first ‘monthsary’. So 1 month after our…

Thirdy Magsino: Or, two months?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, two months. Yeah, he thought it was a monthsary wedding gift for him.

Thirdy Magsino: What’s this?

Bianca Magsino: And then, yeah, we were on a phone call, on a video call. And then I was like, “Oh, can you open this package?” And that’s how I told him.

Myrtle Alegado: So you were going through all of this, you know, alone by yourself, taking all these tests and whatnot. So wow, that must have been hard to kind of keep under wraps.

Bianca Magsino: It was. It was because we’re usually a couple that tells each other everything straight away. Like something small happens, I [would] already tell him. So it was really difficult for me to keep it a secret. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but I just wanted to tell him in a nice memorable way. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: A special way.

Myrtle Aegado: So, Thirdy, why don’t you share, you know, your version of events on that call?

Thirdy Magsino: Honestly, because usually when she’s hiding something or you know trying to surprise me, there’s a bit of like, you know,

Bianca Magsino: You can kind of tell.

Thirdy Magsino: Hmmm, something’s going on. But no, she was able to hide it and kind of surprise me fully. And yes, it was like our ‘monthsary’ wedding gift. I was like, “Oh sorry, I didn’t get you anything. And then she told me, “Okay, make sure you record yourself.” And I was on the phone, and then there was one phone recording and one phone on us together, on the video call together. Yeah, so it came in a little, small box. And all of a sudden I opened it and I could barely see it. All I saw was ‘Daddy.’ I was like, “What? What’s this?” I saw her laughing. “What’s this?” And then I lifted it up a bit.

And I was just speechless. Anyone that knows me, I’m never speechless. I talk a lot. I talk a lot, yeah. I could not speak, I was just … I could not… Just thinking about it now, yeah, it’s… for a good like 20 seconds. I was looking at her like and looking back [at it] and I was just like, stunned. And then she said…

Bianca Magsino: I had to speak for him to kind of realize what was happening. I said, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” And that’s when it kind of hit him, I think.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, because, you know, reading ‘I can’t wait to meet you Daddy,’ I was like, “Is this a joke?” Like, is this a joke or like for real? My mouth just dropped. I was… I can’t believe it. That was really like, it was an unbelievable moment. Like, my emotions [were] just like riled up and I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t process anything.

Myrtle Alegado: So what were, you know, the other emotions that both of you experienced, finding out about the pregnancy?

Bianca Magsino: To be honest, we were not really planning to get pregnant straight away. But we were like, oh, maybe we can wait a year or so. We wanted to travel together and do things together after being in a long distance relationship for so long. But at the same time, we also said that if it happens, it’s God’s will and we will, of course, take it.

The only thing that was a bit difficult was being separated from Thirdy in the beginning, especially right after the wedding, and when I found out I wasn’t physically with him. By the time I was able to speak to him about it, it felt lighter. I wouldn’t call it a burden, but a kind of…

Thirdy Magsino: Like a relief.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, relief of being able to talk to someone about it, instead of just having to keep it to yourself. It was very emotional, I think, also for Thirdy. He already said that he was quite speechless when he found out.

“Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?” That’s what one of our concerns were. And then we were also thinking, “Oh, what if we’re not ready for this?” What if there’s …

Thirdy Magsino: And in the moment, while I was away, you were able to talk to your mom weren’t you? Like, after you told me, you were able to tell her as well, isn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, yeah, yeah, I told my mom after. A week or two after, I was able to also talk to my mom. And I told her, “I’m pregnant.” She was happy. And that was also some emotional support that I needed and that she was able to give me. Not just my mom, but also my dad. By the time I told them, it just really felt like a big relief on my end, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So how many weeks did you keep it to yourself, Bianca?

Bianca Magsino: I’m not too sure [about] the weeks. Maybe around…

Thirdy Magsino: I think you said it was like two, three weeks wasn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, after I waited for my cycle and it didn’t come. Oh no, actually, by the time I found out, it was almost three weeks until I told Thirdy.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was almost a month.

Myrtle Alegado: Three weeks, okay, almost a month. Yeah, and it’s such a time where you really want to share it with your spouse, right? So, how did you feel during those times, Bianca, when you’re really trying to keep it a secret, but at the same time, you know, you want to share it? Were you feeling any loneliness, I guess, maybe?

Bianca Magsino: In a way, you can kind of call it loneliness, because, like we said, we share everything. We don’t keep any, we usually don’t keep any secrets from each other. So I really, it’s because it’s also such a big thing. And I wasn’t expecting it. And by the time I saw this positive test, I was like, the first thing that popped into my head was I want to talk to Thirdy about it. I want to share this, because it’s going to be our baby. And keeping it from him, yeah, it kind of made me feel a bit lonely. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Thirdy, you know, what else went through your mind after she finally told you, and you were able to visit her in Hamburg too, right?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s crazy, because you’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid. And then when you are there in the doctor’s [office], and you hear the heartbeat for the first time…

Bianca Magsino: It’s a completely different thing.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s something else.

Bianca Magsino: Like you know about the baby, but then when you hear the heartbeat. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a living being that’s inside you.

Bianca Magsino: That’s when it feels even more real.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I think a lot of parents feel that way where, I mean you know you’re pregnant. But the first time that you hear the heartbeat, it’s like, oh wow. There’s a living being inside you.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: The progression from a little kind of seed to… It’s crazy, those early days, because we just got married. And now we’re expecting a baby. So we’re adjusting to a lot of things.

Bianca Magsino: When it comes to marriage, and then we have another thing to cope with…

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Bianca Magsino: which is pregnancy and parenthood.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it’s a lot to wrap your head around. But hearing the heartbeat for the first time was really, it’s difficult to describe. You really can’t describe it in terms of— that’s your baby. That’s me and you, you know.

Myrtle Alegado: So if you can kind of share, you know, how did you manage all of your emotions? You said there was like a whole jumble of emotions so I’m expecting, you know, fear, happiness, excitement. I guess all of those kinds of things?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a lot. It’s, honestly, [there are] so many things that [run] through your mind, not just in the moment but especially afterwards when you just think, you know, you’re going to be a dad, you’re going to have to help provide, you’re going to have to lead the family, you’re going to have to be a supportive husband, you know. There’s so many things. It’s like you’re scared and happy and kind of like, “How do I do this?” It’s just a lot. It’s just …

Bianca Magsino: Because it’s something you haven’t experienced before.

Thirdy Magsino: Being in charge of someone, like, as they grow up, is something else. It’s completely different to anything that we’ve ever… It feels like we’re not qualified for it, if that makes sense. It’s like, we skipped step three to ten. And then we went straight to it. Like okay, here’s a baby. And that’s, for us, that was just kind of like the overwhelming thing I think, isn’t it?

We’d like to say we’re still relatively young. Some people would laugh, like, some of our younger friends would laugh at that. We’d like to say that we’re relatively young, and it feels like, “We’re allowed to have kids this young?” Because we don’t feel like we’re parents, you know? Yeah, it doesn’t feel like…

Bianca Magsino: We barely felt like Buklod [the group of married brethren of the Church Of Christ within the Christian Family Organizations/CFO].

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, we barely felt like a married couple.

Myrtle Alegado: Right, yeah. I mean, definitely unchartered territory that you’re navigating through, right?

So just how do you deal with a great blessing that is, you know, at the same time, a little bit stressful, and thrusts you into uncertainty or the unknown? I’m looking forward to hearing what the Bible has to say. Here with us again on Happy Life Is Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

Hi there, Brother Felmar, and welcome back to Happy Life, as we start this new season.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello there, everyone. Hello to the Happy Life team. Hello to you, Myrtle. And [it’s] so good that we could all get back together again like this for season two of the podcast. And to start us off, we have Thirdy and Bianca joining us for episode one of season two. And very glad to have you both and congratulations again on your newborn.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Bianca Magsino: Hello.

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, I would first like to respond, at this time, to what was mentioned earlier about the “viewed” pros and cons on becoming pregnant right after getting married. Now, we are not saying here that it is wrong to have an opinion on the matter, or that you should absolutely reject any suggestion that others may give you about getting pregnant in your first year or so of marriage.

But there is a biblical truth to remember when planning, or not, to have a child or when to have a child and how many, in fact. What should we remember? Let me quote for everyone what is written here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 21, in the New International Version, the Bible says:

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

[Proverbs 19:21 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: This is what we should never lose sight of. While we do have the opportunity to make plans, and hear suggestions and weigh the supposed pros and cons of getting pregnant, in the end, in spite of all of our efforts, “it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” So for example, a married couple decides that they do want children right after the wedding. However, it’s not happening. Well, God has a purpose for that. It could be the opposite—husband and wife do not want a honeymoon baby. Rather, they want a couple years first to themselves. They do not want to become parents right away. But that’s not what happens. They do become pregnant sooner than planned. Well, God has a purpose for that, too. And if I’m not mistaken, if I heard it right earlier, for yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, you kind of wanted some time first to yourselves, huh, before becoming parents. Am I right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. We have been in a long distance relationship for so long. So we were like, okay, let’s take this time to, to…

Bianca Magsino: Just enjoy.

Thirdy Magsino: Enjoy our alone time, travel the world.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. A perfect example to what was just mentioned. What ended up happening in reality is different from what they had planned. But the point is, what ends up happening, God has a purpose for that. And when God’s purpose does begin to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We’ll stay here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 3 this time though. We’ll go and read verses five to six. Here in the Message translation, the Bible teaches:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.

[Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: When God’s purpose starts to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We need to trust Him. How should we trust God? The Bible states, “from the bottom of your heart.” What else does the Bible mean when it teaches us to trust God? “Don’t try to figure out everything on your own,” the Bible says. So in the case of newlyweds having a baby right away, or not—whatever the outcome, we ought to recognize that that is God’s purpose. That’s His plan for us, and we must trust Him, even if what ended up happening is different from what we originally hoped or planned.

But maybe some are thinking right now, and maybe it’s something that has crossed your mind, Thirdy and Bianca—how can you be sure that you will succeed down this path that God has purposed for you, when originally that’s not what you had planned? So, how can you be sure that you will succeed on something that you originally didn’t plan? That’s why the Bible stated, right, “Listen for God’s voice in everything you do. He’s the one who will keep you on track.”

So it may be something different from what was originally planned. But if we’re listening to God’s voice, He will teach us how to adapt. He will teach us how to get through it, to be successful down this path that He has purposed for us. “Listening for God’s voice,” what is the equivalent of that? If we read the same verse, in the New King James Version, it’s equivalent to acknowledging or recognizing God. And Thirdy, if I can ask you very quickly, what is one way that we prove to God that we do acknowledge or recognize Him?

Thirdy Magsino: Brother Felmar, one way we recognize God is by praying to Him at all times.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Correct, exactly—prayer. So devotional prayer is crucial, especially if you are pregnant and expecting an additional member of the family. We need the Lord God to continue to guide our every decision we make for the well-being and security of our family. And what should we never forget about raising a family? Let me read for you from I Timothy, this time chapter 5, verse 8, here in the Revised Standard Version:

If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

[I Timothy 5:8 Revised Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on this biblical truth, the Lord God holds parents responsible to provide for their own family. Thus, what are some guiding questions to consider when you’re expecting a child, particularly if this is your first child?

So, here are some guiding questions. Number one: have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? I’ll say it again. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? So what are things to consider? Hospital bills, present and upcoming gas bills for all of those back and forth checkups, budget for diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, baby bottles, you know, everything baby, right?

For yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, praise be to God your daughter has already been born, right. But prior to, did you also experience, you know, these bills and expenses just, you know, coming left and right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Well, here in the UK, it’s not too much of a problem regarding hospital bills, but one thing that we had to consider is the baby room. Like it’s a lot. It’s a lot to consider. We never expected it to be that much actually.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And going into it, Bianca, did you talk with Thirdy? Like, did you work out a plan? Was it helpful to have a plan going into this?

Bianca Magsino: We weren’t sure what to expect. We did end up talking about it. In our situation, Thirdy is responsible for the finances, so I leave it all up to him.

Brother Felmar Serreno: I see. Okay, well, if that is how you communicated with each other for your situation, then that works as well, right? It’s important that husband and wife communicate.

The point is though this is a guiding question, generally speaking, for everyone who’s going into pregnancy, expecting a child, especially if it’s their first one. It does help to be prepared by having a plan for those expenses or financial concerns.

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right, so here’s another guiding question for those who are expecting a child. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for household chores and other important routine activities? Obviously, as the pregnancy progresses, there are many things your respective wife will not be able to do. And that includes also after the baby has been born. So, husbands out there who are expecting a child, or your wife is currently pregnant, or has recently given birth, right, we really need to brace ourselves. Because as a loving and responsible husband, you will take on most, if not all, of the housework, while earning a living, and while tending to your wife and your unborn child or newborn child, as the case may be.

So, you know side note, you are really fortunate and express your gratitude if your parents and relatives are around and they’re willing to help, right? But with or without that extra help, husband and wife ought to work out a plan for things like doing the laundry, taking out the trash, staying on top of important dates like paying the rent on time. You don’t want to forget that, right? What else? Renewing things like your car insurance. But as members of the Church Of Christ, above all, let’s stay on top of our spiritual obligations and deadlines, such as preparing for the worship service ahead of time, marking our calendar for the upcoming committee prayer meetings or CFO (Christian Family Organization) activities, setting aside for our Thanksgiving, finding ways to attend Bible studies and share our faith.

So regardless of how busy life gets, we must never lose sight of accomplishing these Bible-based doctrines of ours, and all the others. Why? Because even more important than providing the material is providing the spiritual needs of our family. And what does it mean to God when that is the order of our priorities? It means that we do trust Him with all of our heart. And for that, what will God do for us again? He will keep us on the right track.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you, Brother Felmar, for joining us again here on Happy Life and for sharing the biblical advice that always provides us with insight and clarity, and also for those probing questions to really help expectant parents to prepare. Now before you go, Bianca and Thirdy, do you have anything further you’d like to ask?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Myrtle. We were wondering, Brother Felmar, we’d just like some advice on balancing our relationship on being new parents.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Ah, okay, okay. Married life is an adjustment. Having a child is an adjustment in itself, right. So all of these adjustments happening, which is why to answer your question, we did the series on communication in season one, because to maintain that balance and harmony within the relationship of a married couple—communication is huge. Communication is big. So, hopefully you can have a chance to review those episodes. And in those episodes, we hear from married couples, their experiences and what helped them, as well as, again, Bible-based advice, right? Because nothing beats Bible-based advice—God’s counsel, His guidance—so that our marriage will work and will be harmonious, and we’ll have that balance, like you said, every day.

In that series on communication, we touched topics like how do you handle disagreements, expectations, [and] making decisions. So those things and more were discussed in season one, so I’m not going to, you know, go over everything right now all over again. It would take a lot of time up. The point is—communication is big.

And just as a side note to that, in my humble opinion and based on experience, and also working with other married couples, you know, sometimes the imbalance in the relationship, sometimes it stems from something as simple as you just both need a break. Sometimes it’s as simple as that—you just both need a break. So, as a side note, a suggestion would be [to] try to have an outlet. Try to have an outlet, a personal outlet, and an outlet that you do together as husband and wife.

Like for others, you know, the personal outlet of the husband could be, you know, just having time alone to read a book at a coffee shop, you know, just to reset the stress levels, you know, kind of to do that. Or for the wife, it could be, you know, to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, right? Get some fresh air in your lungs.

And an outlet that can be done together is to maybe watch a movie together, right, have a good laugh, you know, just to get your mind off of things. Again, reset those stress levels and then go back together again, you know, to tackle the problems of life, right. But again, that’s just something on the side that, you know, we can share. Number one, always, is the Bible-based guidance we receive, communicating with God. We also touched on those things in season one on that series on communication. So hopefully, does that answer your question, Thirdy and Bianca?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Brother Felmar Serreno: If you don’t mind me asking, do you have something like that, like an outlet that you do, together?

Thirdy Magsino: We used to watch movies together, Brother Felmar. We used to have like this little tiny projector screen and used to try and project on the screen, on the wall of our bed. But right now, we haven’t had the chance to have any [time] I think.

Bianca Magsino: The focus is on the baby, right now.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, the only time we’ve ever had any relaxed time is just walking around the house, in the garden or something.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, that’s the thing. At least you have that right? You know, because the way I see it, if you don’t make kind of like the extra effort to pinpoint, you know, just really set it in stone—on this day, at this time, we’re going to unwind. You know, let’s get some time for ourselves, let’s get a break, reset, so that we can keep going, right? So, yeah, it helps to have an outlet. So thanks for sharing that as well, and hopefully it’s of help too, to all the listeners out there.

Myrtle Alegado: Thanks again, Brother Felmar, and we’ll see you next time on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you, everybody. Bye for now.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy and Bianca, if I can just add my two cents to a little bit of advice on maybe finding that balance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everybody needs help. So if you’re fortunate enough to have family and friends who are willing to maybe watch the baby for an hour, take the time to have that quality time together so that you can continue to build on your own relationship while you also adjust to becoming new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: To be honest, that is one of our difficulties I think, to reach out for help. There’s so many people offering their advice right now, but we’re still yet to take their offer. We’re trying.

Bianca Magsino: We’re trying, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I know it’s hard. It’s hard to let go because, you know, she is your first baby and you’re new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, we were fortunate enough to have our family help us in…

Bianca Magsino: The first couple of weeks.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. Her family actually came here a few weeks ago to help with the baby and to meet their grandkids, which was really beautiful, beautiful memories.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy, you know when we chatted before you said when you first heard the news during that video call, you asked Bianca to pray together. Can you share what your prayer was about?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. It was really unexpected, like what we mentioned earlier. So, the prayer was mainly just from the heart. We’re just so thankful, we’re so thankful. It was a prayer of thanks and a prayer to ask for help, for the solution, you know, because we don’t know how to be good parents. But through prayers, we always ask [to] help us to be a good example, to give us the solutions. Because in the prayer, I said something along the lines of we know that this is a blessing, but we know that there’ll be many tests that we’ll encounter along the way. But whatever the tests may be, help us to pass them. Help us to overcome them and to learn from those tests.

Yes, having a baby, for us, is really, really an amazing thing. But we’re overthinkers, both of us, and we worry a lot. You know, that’s one thing that we would like to improve in ourselves. But that’s one thing that I mentioned in the prayer [to] help us to always be thankful, no matter the situation, circumstance. And even until now we pray for the same things.

Bianca Magsino: Always with a thankful heart.

Thirdy Magsino: Always, no matter [the] difficulty, no matter the circumstance. I think that’s a difficult thing, just having a positive outlook in any situation. Because right now, currently—praise be to God—the baby, Evie, is perfectly healthy and we’re thankful. It was just overwhelming thanks and just non-stop crying.

Bianca Magsino: It’s a blessing.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww, well you know thank you for sharing all that with us. But you know, what are your biggest worries as you dive into parenthood, and how has the adjustment been to this new chapter in your life?

Bianca Magsino: In the beginning, it was or still is very scary. Because, yeah, we’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before. We don’t know how to raise a child. We don’t know how to, yeah, just take care of her, do things. I mean, you can only read as much online about how to parent but at the end of the day, you have to figure it out on your own, like how to be able to take care of this baby, or of Evie. And of course, with prayer, that’s really one of the things that is helping us the most on how to be able to cope with everything that we’re experiencing right now. But yeah, it’s just crazy. Because when you think about it, you have to… this isn’t just like a one month thing and then you can kind of say, “Okay, I don’t want this anymore.” But you have to raise this child until they’re old enough to be able to stand on their own.

Thirdy Magsino: Even after.

Bianca Magsino: Or even after. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think it stops honestly. Yeah, there’s no handbook that says, “Okay, at this stage you do this, at this stage you do this, right? You’re always learning as well, right? Because when they become parents, I think you still continue to parent your own children.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. We can tell from our parents.

Myrtle Alegado: So you know, how do you get past all the worries and the fears that you have?

Thirdy Magsino: Just a matter of accepting what’s been given to us, good and bad. So whatever God’s plan is for us, it helps us get past the worries and fears I guess. Because if you kind of go against it, if you’re really negative towards a certain situation, it kind of feeds into the worry and fear even more.

Bianca Magsino: It makes it worse.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it makes it a lot worse, rather than if you just accept it in the moment, it makes it better and you know that you’re following God’s plan. And that’s what we continue to pray for, to have that characteristic—to help us to follow whatever His plan may be for us, whatever it may be. And because at the end of the day, God always knows what’s best for us. He’s always given us and allowed us to have the best in this life. Whatever it might be, it’s always been for the best.

Bianca Magsino: And it’s also easier to manage those day-to-day challenges we experience when we have this positive outlook.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, yes, we do that everyday now. We, at the end of the day, we try to [ask] “what three things are you most grateful for today?” Even if it’s a small thing, like, oh, we got to eat lunch together.

Bianca Magsino: We were able to take a nap.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, those simple little things really are, you get to appreciate [them] even more.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, no, those are great. You know, that’s a great mindset, and to be able to have those affirmations at the end of the day, it changes how you look at things in a more positive light. What are your hopes, and what are you looking forward to now?

Bianca Magsino: We are looking forward to seeing how she will develop her own personality. We kind of see some of our own traits in her. Like it’s the small things, like the way she sleeps, for example. She has some favorite positions that kind of remind me of Thirdy’s sleeping positions, and that’s kind of cute to see, like she really is a mix of the two of us. And we’re excited to also see her grow even more.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Also another thing for us is we’re really excited for her to be an active member of the Church, you know, for her to be strong in the faith.

Bianca Magsino: Definitely.

Thirdy Magsino: For us that’s going to be one of the main things that really, we’re so excited to see, to perform [our church duties] with her. Imagine that, the first time she’s in the choir loft, or you know, whatever her duty will be in the future, and all of us are performing together. That’s the goal.

Bianca Magsino: That’s the dream.

Thirdy Magsino: That’s the dream. That’s the dream.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I’m sure, you know, with all of your prayers and the support system you have in your family and friends, I have no doubt you two will be great parents. So, you know, congratulations again, and thank you for sharing your experiences and your emotions that you went through here with us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much, Myrtle.

Bianca Magsino: Thank you.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much for talking to us and having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, that was really nice.

Myrtle Alegado: Well give a little Evie hug from Auntie Myrtle.

Thirdy Magsino: We will, after she wakes up.

Bianca Magsino: Will do, after she wakes up.

Myrtle Alegado: Becoming parents in the first year of marriage sounds daunting, but we hope the discussion that we had today provided some comfort for those newlyweds who are currently expecting. Remember to lean on your friends and family and most of all, trust God.

And that brings us to the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi, send us a question or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

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