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Category: Podcast

Marriage Benefits – We Don’t Just Date For Fun

Marriage Benefits – We Don’t Just Date For Fun
https://storage.googleapis.com/incmedia-org-audio/happy-life/2022/HL_2022-10_web_ott_podcast.mp3

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Darlene and Aedelbert are newlyweds who just got married in January of 2022. Listen as they share why getting married was important to them.


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Marriage Benefits-We Don’t Just Date For Fun

[Show Opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Do you remember when you began to seriously consider getting married? On today’s episode, we’ll talk to newlyweds who will share the progression in their relationship, from meeting, to courtship, and finally to marriage.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life

Myrtle: Today, I’d like to welcome our newlyweds from Yorba Linda, California to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life, Aedelbert and Darlene!

Darlene Alejandro: Thank you for having us, Myrtle.

Aedelbert Alejandro: Hello! Thank you for having us.

Myrtle: How are you both doing today?

Darlene: We’re good.

Aedelbert: Doing good.

Myrtle: Well, as I understand it, you got married in January of this year, right?

Aedelbert: Correct.

Darlene: Yes.

Myrtle: Oh, well,congratulations to you both! Now, how did you both meet?

Aedelbert: So I moved to the Bay Area to finish college at San Francisco State University, and Darlene actually came up to me at one of our church events. It was a coastal cleanup. And, you know, I was hanging out with my guy friends, and Darlene came out of nowhere and just introduced herself to me.

Darlene: Yeah. [laughs]

Myrtle: Is that how you remember it, Darlene? Give us your take.

Darlene: Yeah, he was new to Daly City local congregation. And it was about a month before I met him that he was already living in Daly City. And normally when someone new or a new member [of the Church Of Christ] comes into Daly City, I usually meet them just to welcome them. I didn’t meet him yet, so when I saw him at the coastal cleanup, yeah, I just went up to him and I was like, “Hi, I’m Darlene. I haven’t met you yet, but welcome to Daly City.”

Myrtle: Aww. Well, that’s cute, Darlene!

Darlene: Yes, so I went up to him at the coastal cleanup. And then maybe a couple days after that, one of our mutual friends on Instagram posted a picture of their friend group, and that person tagged him. Since I met him, I figured, “Okay, I can follow him now.”

And then fast forward a couple more days, he posted this story about working out and he asked, “Who wants to be my workout buddy?” Mind you, I did not work out at that time but something inside me was like, “I’m going to respond and I’m going to say I’m going to be his workout buddy.” And that’s where we started talking or messaging with each other.

Aedelbert: Yeah, so after Darlene replied to my story and she said, you know, “I’ll be your workout buddy,” we actually planned to hang out one day. And you know, one thing led to another, we started texting more, and started hanging out more. That led to me falling for Darlene, and I started courting her, and then I proposed to her [in] June of 2021.

Myrtle: So, Aedel, you used the term courting, and I’d like to touch on that a little bit. In the Church Of Christ, we don’t use the term dating per se, because that implies that you’re just seeing someone in a kind of casual, romantic relationship. With courtship, we do so in a Christian manner, according to God’s teachings.

So, now you’re both in your late 20s, and you’ve been married for a few months. What do you think about those individuals who date just for the sake of dating or date just for fun?

Aedelbert: I think individuals who date just for the sake of dating or just for fun, at least from my personal point of view, I think they’re doing it just because you know, they’re bored or they’re trying to maintain this social presence online. They just want to be in this relationship so they can look cool to other people, or just simply not to seem that they’re alone, I guess.

Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel to an extent. I mostly think that people nowadays date for fun because [of] peer pressure. I guess the times that a person could start dating is typically, like, when you’re a young adult. Maybe you’re a teenager and you start developing, and you want to understand more, like, these feelings that may come up with another individual in your life. And since you’re just discovering these feelings, you don’t really know what to think about them. But they’re strong enough that it moves you to do something about that, which is dating.


Your heart, it’s like it’s telling you one thing, but then your brain is saying another thing, and it’s hard to differentiate the two. And that’s why I think some people want to experiment, and they date around to see who is the best option for them.

Myrtle: And what are your opinions on this mentality?

Darlene: Dating just involves a lot of feelings in general and, personally, I feel like it involves more negative feelings than positive. To hear about the concept of dating, and dating multiple people, or dating around, someone is bound to get hurt at some point. I think it’s just inevitable.

Aedelbert: I just disagree with ‘dating for fun’ or that mentality of dating for fun. Because, honestly, what’s the point of dating when the whole reason is eventually you’re trying to get married, which goes back to courting someone in a Christian manner. At least when we’re courting someone we try and find, like, their Christian values, what they believe in, seeing how one person’s beliefs aligns with yours. For me at least, I was always taught that growing up. And if you’re going to date someone, you’re really trying to figure out why you want to spend the rest of your life with that specific person.

Myrtle: Just curious, you know, you mentioned that you want[ed] to find somebody whose values kind of align with yours. Do you think that people don’t look for that these days, that the youth don’t think about that?

Darlene: Personally, I feel like nowadays, to find someone with the same values as you, or the same faith as you, I feel like it’s not at the top of a person’s priority. Most people just think of personality traits right off the bat. Like, they have to be funny, or they have to be a certain height, or they have to, I don’t know, have brown eyes, brown hair. Stuff like that.

Aedelbert: I think people trying to find if their values align or not is lost, because people are in it for, like, a social standing type thing. So they do it for a specific reason, that they’re trying to attain this specific thing, and they know that this person can help them get it.

Myrtle: But you know, at what age or point in life do you think people should start seriously searching for a ‘forever’ relationship?

Darlene: Honestly, I can’t really put a number on it, because I didn’t think I would get married at this age. I’m 27 right now, I didn’t think I’d get married at this age. But I think they should hit certain goals in their life first. Like, for example, I think someone should be established in a career, or at least confident in the path that they’re taking in their life. I definitely think they should also be confident just on their own. To have a partner, like a forever relationship, they are just like an added blessing.

Aedelbert: There’s no set age that someone should start looking for their ‘forever’ relationship, because everyone has their own path in life. Everyone accomplishes a certain, you know, achievement in life at different ages. First of all, someone should be established in their career, just so that it doesn’t put that financial burden when, you know, it’s time to get married. Like you should be confident that you could be okay with yourself, who you are as a person, and then finding someone else to share those blessings with you in your life, then that’s the perfect time to move forward and look for that relationship.

Myrtle: And I just want to add that, of course, you should also have the blessings of your parents to go forward with a ‘forever’ relationship and, you know, that next step in life, or next step in the relationship, engagement and then marriage.

So, you know, these days it’s common practice for boyfriend and girlfriend to just move in together and not get married at all. We, as members of the Church Of Christ, do not follow this practice, and later we’ll hear what the Bible has to say about this, of course. But I’m curious about how you two feel about this.

Aedelbert: I don’t think it’s right for this type of practice. Honestly, because I think it gives people an option or like a way out. But if you’re married, of course, you got married before God and then we learned that it’s till death do you part. So you’re always going to have to figure out how to work things out. And I think at the end of the day, when you’re going through all these things on a daily basis, of course, you’re going to work through things, and try and figure out where things could be improved on, and you’ll always get through it. And when you’re married, there’s no trial and error compared to those who just live together without the benefit of marriage.

Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel. There’s just no obligation to stay and, like, work things out. How do you know that they’re going to stick around for the rest of your life? Like, how do you know that things are going to work out? Compared to when you’re married, there’s that official stamp that you’re both in this for life.

Myrtle: And in your opinion, what are the positive aspects like, you know, financial or emotional to get[ting] married?

Darlene: One positive aspect to getting married, well, there’s financial benefits because obviously there’s an extra income, but it also teaches you a lot about just how to handle your money. Budgeting and saving is very essential when you’re married. I’ve been telling some of my friends, like, you really don’t know how expensive it is just to live, and have your place, and have things set in your everyday life until you’re married. I don’t know if it’s just me. [laughs]

I’ve been encouraging some of my friends, who could be on their way to getting married, to start this when you are engaged, maybe even if you have a feeling that you’re going to be engaged, to start saving a lot and learning about how to budget your money.

Myrtle: Okay, I’m going to do a shameless plug for our episode number two. If you haven’t listened to that yet, it’s the episode with Chris and Alyssa about Buying Your First House as Newlyweds. So, they talk a lot about budgeting, financial planning, and just being, you know, able to have that open discussion. So yeah, as per Darlene and what she’s been telling her friends, give that episode a listen if you want to know more about that aspect of getting married.

Darlene: I heard that episode when it came out, and I was still able to learn from that and we’re already married. But yeah, it’s a great episode.

But going back to positive aspects, another positive is the emotional benefits. He is my calm whenever I have anxiety, so it’s very peaceful to have him around.

Aedelbert: To kind of continue on that, I think one of the biggest benefits that we get from being married is you’ll always have someone there to really go through everything together. Whether it’s little, big decisions in life, they’ll always be there to support you no matter what you do. And you won’t really have to go through anything alone anymore.

Myrtle: Well, thank you for sharing, you know, what you believe are the positive aspects of marriage. And now that we’ve touched on some of the financial, social and emotional benefits, I’d like to hear what the biggest benefit of getting married is.

Returning to Happy Life is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi again, Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, everybody. So getting right to it, I think the question was, Myrtle, what is the biggest benefit of getting married?

So, the biggest benefit of true marriage is being blessed by God in more ways than you can imagine. Just listen to how the Bible describes a husband and wife who have been blessed by God. In the Book of Psalms, the chapter is 128, the verses are 1 to 4. We’ll quote from The Good News Translation:

Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs; you will be happy and prosperous. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your home, and your children will be like young olive trees around your table. A man who obeys the LORD will surely be blessed like this.

[Psalm 128:1-4 Good News Translation]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Isn’t having a happy, prosperous, and blessed home what every married couple dreams of? But what should we understand? Only the Lord our God can give true happiness and prosperity to a married couple. And this goes well beyond material things.

For those tuning in, never forget that there are many things money cannot buy, such as: God’s love and favor; the development of patience, understanding, and harmony between husband and wife; the growth and the strengthening of love and faith; God’s guidance and protection upon us day by day; the truth of God’s words taught to us in the Church Of Christ, which, when obeyed, paves the way to God’s tremendous blessings in this life and, more so, in the life to come. But what home will surely be blessed like this? The Bible stated, “Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands.”

Therefore, we should never do anything that would lead us away from obeying God’s commands that have been taught to us based on the Bible. Otherwise, we would forfeit God’s blessings upon our marriage and our home.

In connection with that, it’s important that we are reminded about the warning of the apostles regarding how we should live, especially nowadays. Let’s listen to Romans, chapter 12, verse 2, in The Message translation:

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

[Romans 12:2 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: The Bible teaches that we should not become so well-adjusted to the culture of society that we end up fitting into it without even thinking. So what should we do? Members of the Church Of Christ ought to discern if a practice or belief proposed by society is something acceptable to adapt [to]. And doesn’t our Church Administration continue to lead us in this regard?

For example, through the lessons we receive in worship service, aren’t we guided on how to analyze and compare what we encounter in the world with the teachings and values we have been taught based on the Bible? Well, why the Bible? Because it is the word of God—and that’s been proven to us many times in our Bible studies and in our worship service lessons. And what should we never forget about the words of God, His teachings, and His ways? In Hosea, chapter 14, verse 9, in the Today’s English Version:

May those who are wise understand what is written here, and may they take it to heart. The Lord’s ways are right, and righteous people live by following them, but sinners stumble and fall because they ignore them.

[Hosea 14:9 Today’s English Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: The Lord’s ways are right. God’s teachings are the ultimate truth. That’s why it’s His words or teachings which should reign supreme in our life.

So, now I want to comment on something we heard earlier in today’s podcast. So, even if things like “dating for fun” or “living-in together,” without getting married first, might be common practice in today’s society, remember, that doesn’t make it the right practice.

Those practices lead to fornication or pre-marital sex, which goes against morality or God’s teachings. Actually, we just took that up in a recent episode with Kegan and Aila[faye]—so to all our listeners out there, if you want to hear Bible-based teachings on why the Church Of Christ does not agree with pre-marital sex or live-in relationships, please listen to that episode as well.

Myrtle: Thank you for those Bible verses, Brother Felmar, and for joining us again on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, thank you again for having me, Myrtle. Thank you to the Happy Life team. God bless to all the married couples.

Myrtle: So, Aedel and Darlene, how important is it to find a future spouse with the same faith and values as you?

Darlene: I think it’s so important to find someone with the same faith and values, because this is like what you hold at your core. Your faith and what you value in life is what motivates you to make decisions. Marriage is a forever thing. It’s a big decision that couples make, and when you have someone who agrees with you and understands you at your core faith and values, it just makes decision making in every step, after getting married, much easier to take.

Aedelbert: And I think it’s important because it allows your relationship to run more smoothly. You can make those decisions together, and you won’t clash because both of your values are the same. And like I mentioned earlier, with those values and beliefs aligning, your goals will also be very similar. So, then you’ll both know what it’s going to take in order to work together and reach those goals, so you know you’ll be able to maintain a happy marriage.

Myrtle: For both of you, was your faith in the Church Of Christ instilled in you at a young age?

Aedelbert: Definitely. Growing up, everything that I did revolved around Church [events]. You know, I went to all the Church activities. I was born and raised in the Church, even to the point where my family was so active they always helped and planned local activities. So, ever since from a young age I was always involved.

Darlene: Yeah, same for me. I was also born and raised in the Church, and I did also grow up going to all of the activities inside of the Church. But other than the activities, like, my mom was an organist for the choir, my dad was a head deacon. Both of those roles in the Church, you have to be at the place of worship early. When I was a kid, I was the only kid there. And then, sometimes, with those roles in the Church, you are also one of the last to leave. So I was also the last kid to leave the place of worship with my parents.

And that also carried into just growing up inside the Church, like when I was a teenager, to a young adult, and still now.

Myrtle: And how important was your faith to you in your late teens and early 20s?

Aedelbert: It was very important to me. Thinking back how my late teenage years, you know, when I was still in high school, one of my close friends actually asked me, he’s like, “Are you going to be doing this for the rest of your life? Are you always going to be going to your church worship services and activities like this, because you never really hang out with us and party with us.” And you know, it was a Friday night, I had choir practice scheduled, and I replied to him, I told him, “Yeah, that’s where my priorities are, and it’s always where I’m going to be.”

His reaction was like, he kind of looked at me weird and he’s like, “Oh, okay.” You know, “Do whatever you want to do, I guess.” I could tell that he didn’t really understand why I’d rather choose Church rather than, you know, go hanging out with them. He just didn’t really understand why I chose Church.

Myrtle: I know that you said that your friends didn’t really understand, you know, your stance and how much your faith meant to you. But what did it mean to you to stand up for your faith and to make sure that that was always a priority in your life?

Aedelbert: My family, my extended family, all of us were very active. They just instilled in me that no matter what happens, whatever you come across, always choose [the] Church and God first. Because of our faith, we were always taught to do what God wants us to do.

Darlene: Same thing for me. Growing up in the Church, my faith was also very important to me, especially because my parents were very active and they were officers, and same for my brother who was also an active officer in the Church. And it even went beyond my family. I had a lot of friends who were at the same activities as me, and at the same worship services that I was attending. So I am blessed to say that I had a community of friends and family inside the Church, and they all definitely helped me stay afloat in my faith. But this was especially essential during my teen years.

Myrtle: Because of your faith, how significant is it that you’re able to pray to God regarding your marriage?

Darlene: Being able to pray to God, especially about our marriage, it’s really important to me. But before I say more, I have a funny story, because when we were still dating I actually used to pray, like, “Dear God, if Aedelbert is not the one for me, please end things right now for the both of us.” But obviously we’re married now, so God had other plans. And now that we’re here, now we pray together. We started praying together when Aedelbert was courting me, and we still pray together now as a married couple.

Aedelbert: I think prayer is very important, especially when you’re in a relationship, because before we even got together I had a devotional prayer. And I prayed and asked God, “If Darlene is the one for me, if she’s the one who you want me to court, you know, show me the signs and allow everything to fall into place.” I think that if you don’t have a devotional prayer, if you don’t pray for this person, how do you know you’re supposed to be with that person? How do you know that person was given to you from God?

I mean, obviously, Darlene is the one for me because, you know, we’re married now. But I think it’s very important, even more so now that we’re married, that we continue to pray together. Now, we pray every single morning before we start our day, and then every single night we pray again, you know, just to ask God, “Thank you for being with us, thank you for all the blessings that we received today.” And the biggest thing is to let God be the center of our relationship, so that we never forget about him. And the whole reason that we are together is because of Him.

Myrtle: So God gave you the blessing to court Darlene, but how hard was it to get her parents’ blessing?

Aedelbert: Honestly, I was terrified. San Francisco Is not that hot. It’s very cold over there. But when I went there, I remember I was walking to the house, I was so warm. I was just sweating like crazy. I was super, super nervous.

Darlene: My whole family was there, my mom, my dad, and my brother. But not me, because I didn’t want to be there. So, I was in another room just letting him deal with whatever my family had to say.

Aedelbert: I sat down with her parents. I just simply asked, like, “Hello. I just want to ask for your blessing and for your permission if it’s okay to court your daughter.” And surprisingly, everything went really smoothly. Yeah, everything just fell into place.

Myrtle: Well, now you have almost six months of marriage under your belt. How has married life been, and how have you been blessed by God up to this point?

Aedelbert: With the new transition to a new city together, and we’re both relocating our new jobs, I was from San Diego, Darlene was from the Bay Area before we even got married, I feel blessed because everyone always says, “You don’t know your spouse until you actually live with them.” And, you know, you’re going to figure out all these little things that will just annoy you. But, so far, everything just worked out. Everything just seemed so seamless and smooth, that when we feel that somehow things won’t work out, somehow God always ends up providing things that we need.

Darlene: To go off of what Aedel said, we’re not saying that it was, like, 100% easy and 100% smooth. Like of course, there were adjustments that we both had to make, because this is obviously our first time living together. So, we did have to make adjustments. But it was, at least for me personally, moving in together and transitioning to married life together was significantly easier than I expected. It was stress-free for the most part. But yeah, if there were any moments where it didn’t feel easy, especially having God on our side, like, we knew at the end of the day that everything would be okay.

Aedelbert: Honestly, marriage isn’t something people should be wary of. Life feels so much more blessed having someone, my wife, Darlene, to share it with.

Darlene: Yeah, I agree. I am also very blessed to be married to you. Like it’s not just being able to be with your best friend every day, but it’s a blessing to know that this is my person, and he came from God. God gave Aedelbert to me, and that’s a great blessing to have.

Myrtle: And I’m so thankful to you, Aedelbert and Darlene, for giving us your perspectives on this topic and for sharing the benefits of marriage that you’ve experienced.

Darlene: Thank you for having us. This was fun.

Aedelbert: Thank you.

Myrtle: We hope that this topic we covered today has provided a new outlook on the benefits of marriage and reminded us about the fact that it is an institution that is truly a blessing from God.

This brings us to the end of our episode for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show Closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life

Conflict of Beliefs

Conflict of Beliefs
https://storage.googleapis.com/incmedia-org-audio/making-changes/2022/MCPOD-2022-EP5.mp3

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Felix, a new member in the Church Of Christ, sits down with Robert, a long time member, to get his advice on how to manage differences in religious beliefs with his family. Robert joined the Church over 30 years ago and shares his life lessons on how he peacefully dealt with conflicts with his family after changing religions.


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Conflict of Beliefs

Felix: Me and my mom, we would have arguments, you know, like, whoa, why did you join this church and then my dad…He told me straight up to my face, like, I don’t want to join your religion, put that in your head. And you know that every time at the worship services, it’s always giving me signs of me, wanting them to invite them…that’s, that’s what I’m trying to do is just trying to be more positive.

Robert: Well, that’s the right attitude to be positive. Because, you know, I’ll tell you, right now, Felix, I’m still the only member of my family that’s a member of the Church. 

(audio fades out)

Aliw Garcia Pablo: From INC Media Audio, this is Making Changes, a podcast about the changes we go through and the life lessons we learn along the way…always with God by our side. I’m your host, Aliw Garcia Pablo.

Aliw: Today’s episode is about making big life changes – big enough that it affects your relationship with your family. Meet Felix, a listener who we met on Instagram. 

Felix: My question, Robert, was…like how would you still be able to talk to them—even if—when they still denied your invitations? 

Aliw: He recently found the truth in the Church Of Christ but is having challenges in his relationships with his family.

Robert:…you have to be able to  create this balance when you’re with them, right? 

Robert: Felix, you’re not alone. There are stories like this, all throughout the church in every country. It’s a problem that a lot of members deal with. And it makes them stronger.

Aliw: Felix will be talking to Robert who joined the Church Of Christ over 20 years ago, who also experienced his own set of challenges with his family but have now found peace with them.

Let’s listen in.

Robert: Hey, Felix, how are you?

Felix: I’m doing good, Robert. How about you?

Robert: Oh, well, it’s good. It’s always good to be able to meet and talk to, you know, other members, even though you’re across the country? You know, we’re all so tightly knit.  

Felix: Yeah, so basically, my questions were, you know, now that I’m a member of the Church, you know, even though when I was going through Bible studies, I was always, I was still facing persecution. Basically, it was last year where most of the time of 2021, it was very, very heartbreaking because of being persecuted by my own, even by my own loved ones. So my question is to you, you know, being persecuted at home, how did you still continue to communicate with your family?

Robert: Well, it’s—how long have you been in the Church, Felix? 

Felix: I’ve been in the Church for seven months?

Robert: Seven months? Well, that’s, it’s a wonderful blessing. You know, persecution is a hard word. It’s a tough word. Because often, it comes from a place where people think that it’s, it’s coming from a place of being mean, right? And a lot of times what it is, it’s just confusion or lack of understanding, you know, about what’s going on. And then, you know, of course, when they don’t understand and it comes across, in a way that you know, you might be feeling is like persecution. And I’ll just share a little bit about, you know, my background, right? I’m the only member in my family, that’s a member of the Church. I was baptized back in 1989.

Aliw: This is when Robert opens up to Felix about his past. Robert begins to share how being raised Catholic, being an altar boy and doing all the rituals, suddenly didn’t feel right for him. As a young adult, he began church hopping from the Baptist church, then Pentecostal, then explored Evangelical Christianity, then became a born again Christian. 

Robert: But you know, as most people find out, there was just a lot of ad libbing that was going on. And it wasn’t really as scripturally-based than what I was needing in my life. So I finally found the Church Of Christ, you know, and I was introduced to it and went through all the Bible studies, and I asked a ton of questions to the Minister that was giving me my Bible studies. And a lot of it is because I’d spent the last—at the time, I was only 24—24 years of my life in one religion. And when you spend that much time, and you’ve accumulated that much experience in history in that one religion, you’re going to have a lot of questions. So I asked a lot of questions. And really, everything that was given back to me came straight from the Bible, it was exactly what I was looking for. Then, you know, they didn’t try to interpret anything they didn’t try to, you know, cover everything up as a mystery. It was exactly from the Scripture. 

So when I obviously became a member coming from a family that was devout Catholics, it wasn’t something that was looked upon very favorably. Right? Leaving the church. And when that happened, a lot of what you’re probably describing as persecution was happening to me. They didn’t understand, you know, why I would leave the religion that I was in for 24 years at the time. It was hard for them to understand why this transition, and all of the different things were changing about me, you know. I was living a different life, so we didn’t celebrate a lot of the holidays that the Catholics would celebrate, right? So, I wouldn’t be involved in those and I think that that’s where some of that comes from, right? Because they just they don’t understand, 

And a lot of people are afraid of things that they don’t understand. And that’s what turns into what we perceive to be persecution. 

And what I found is that through that whole point, there was a point where almost up to two years, we didn’t talk. For two years. That’s a long time. 

Felix: You and your family?

Robert: Yeah. And I lived in New York, they lived in California, And the one thing that I did is I just never gave up trying to show that, you know, that I’m still reaching out that I still want to communicate, that, you know, because I’m in this religion, now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. That you know, your family, you know, you’re still my family. 

Aliw:  Two years. Robert spent two whole years reaching out to his family and getting very little in return. I heard shock… and maybe even fear, in Felix’s voice. As if he’s picturing what might happen to him. But then, Robert tells Felix when his family finally reached back out to him. 

Robert: And it took just never stopping and reaching out in what finally turned the table is when my mom got really sick. And they, you know, my brothers and sisters reached out to me, because, you know, at that point, we didn’t know what’s going to happen. And, you know, thank God, she was okay, she recovered. But that really is what sort of started the communication over again.

It’s just, it’s difficult, but they’re gonna say things that may not sit well with you. And you just have to remember that it’s not—they’re your family, they love you. And all of that they’re just coming from a place of not understanding and not knowing, so they might say things that hurt, but just you know, remember you’re still going to continue to love them

Felix: I’ll be honest with you because, I’m trying not to remember all the negative things that they said about me because, trust me, it was really hard.

Robert: I know. 

Felix: Like I said, I’m just trying to stay strong and continue on putting them in my prayers. Because when I was at home, every day, me and my little brothers, we would just look at each other, we wouldn’t talk. Me and my mom, we would have arguments, you know, like, whoa, why did you join this church and then my dad after, when he came back to El Salvador…He told me straight up to my face, like, I don’t want to join your religion, put that in your head. And you know that every time at the worship services, it’s always giving me signs of me, wanting them to invite them, but when the chance is there to invite them I feel everything, you know, falls apart. So you know, that’s, that’s what I’m trying to do is just trying to be more positive.

Robert: Well, that’s the right attitude to be positive. Because, you know, I’ll tell you, right now, Felix, I’m still the only member of my family that’s a member of the Church. This is 32 years, right? And, but I will tell you that when we first started, I was much like, in the same situation where they didn’t want to hear anything about the Church, and it’s because they didn’t understand.

You know, you have all these feelings, like you’re, you’re doubting yourself, like, you know, why is this happening now? And, you know, why are they so angry? And why is it that they can’t understand. And that takes time, right? You have to know how to create a balance, right? Because you want to spend time with them. But you don’t want the time that you spend with them to always be awkward, right? So if I know I’m going to spend the afternoon with you, and if I know that the minute I walk in the door, the first thing I’m going to talk about is how they need to leave their church and join my church, that’s going to create kind of an awkward space, right? So you, you have to kind of create this balance where they know that when you’re there, you’re still present, you’re still Felix. I’m still your son, I’m still your brother. And then when the opportunities come up, when you start to see opportunities, and God’s gonna show you when those opportunities come up. That’s when you can talk about, you know, hey, you know, we’ve got this activity. It’s an activity that you know, that they’d enjoy, you know, something, something that’s maybe less formal, because it took almost two and a half years, I think, before, I was actually able to get my mom to come to a Bible study, which finally came, and then when she comes to visit us when we were living in Atlanta, and even here, she joins us in the worship service. Because now we’re at a point where she respects my faith, because it’s the faith that’s raising her grandchildren. 

So she respects it. And the rest, I leave up to God, because now you know, as members of the Church, our job is just to invite, right? We’re not the ones that are going to convert anybody, all we can do is introduce them. And if we introduce them to the Church, and we pray, it’s God who’s going to call them. 

Aliw: As Felix listened, there was one thing that he needed help in dealing with that frankly, is a challenge for everyone….rejection. 

Felix: My next question Robert was, how would you still be able to talk to them, even if, when they still denied your invitations or talked down on you?

Robert: Well, when you’re inviting them to come to a Bible study or join worship service, or you know, to come and listen, and you’re noticing that that’s a point of tension, right? Because then all of a sudden, the conversation doesn’t go quite the way that you wanted it to. You have to be able to create this balance when you’re with them, right? Because when you’re with them, and you want to spend time with them, be present. And, you know, provided that the gathering isn’t like a celebration or something that you know is against the doctrines, you can be there and be present, you don’t have to, to always be trying to get them to come to an activity or listen to the Bible study all the time, because that’s where a lot of the tension comes from.

The thing that really made the biggest difference was when they started to see how my life changed. Because I was a member of the Church. My outlook on life was a lot more positive, you know, it was a lot more optimistic. I, you know, didn’t cuss, I didn’t do a lot of the things that I used to do when I was younger, and they started to slowly see that change. And that’s really where I think they started to understand that, you know, being a member of the Church, even though they didn’t understand the doctrines or hear anything, yet. They knew it was good for me. It was a good influence. And it was even more so after we had our first child and my mom and my relatives saw how they were being raised in the Church. Respectful, industrious. They were, you know, always willing to help, it doesn’t have to be you always trying to, you know, I need you to come to Bible study tonight, I need you to come to Bible study. And, try to do that. So that way they can at least see that being a member of the Church was actually a good influence. And it’s affected your life in a positive way.

Felix: I remember telling my mom that every time I’m at the Church, I’m always happy. 

But when I’m at home, I’m not happy. Because I told her that at the Church, I always see love all the time. I would go to work. And then if there’s an evangelical mission or worship service, I would always go, you know, I would always, I would always come back home with a smile. But then every single day, I was in a very bad mental state because there was no love in the house, you know what I mean? So, my question is, how can you bring that love that you have at Church at your house? You know what I’m trying to say?

Robert: Yeah, you know, what, you’re already doing it, Felix. When you go home, you go home, with a smile on your face. And, you feel—if I’m guessing, you feel like, you know, when you leave the evangelical missions, is that your life has purpose, and that no matter what you’re going through, you know that there’s a solution, right, you know, that God has your back, no matter what. And when you go home, you’re bringing that love and that feeling already that optimism and the positivity, what you have to try to avoid is, you know, engaging in, you know, discussions that if you know that when you start to talk about it, it starts to escalate, right, and things start to get heated, you have to try to avoid that. Because when emotions once emotions get involved, especially when it comes to religion, it’s sometimes difficult to dial it back down.

Felix: Yeah. 

Robert: And you sometimes have to remember, you know, how humble our Lord Jesus Christ was. Imagine that, right? With everything he was able to do, how humble he was.

And, you know, redirect them if you can, because you can’t forcibly change how someone feels sometimes, as much as you want to. You sometimes just have to wait and pray. Because God can do things that you and I could never imagine would have happened. Yeah. Right. You have to believe that if you pray hard enough, and you really pour your heart out in your prayers. And you show God how much you really want this, that you just continue to just, you know, be who you are.

Felix: Yeah, that’s, that’s one thing I’ve always been reminded of at the worship service is to renew our lives and to live the way He wants us to live.

Robert: Yeah, I mean, you have to really be just so, you know, so many years after my baptism, but I realized, like, how I lived my life before I was baptized, and then how God out of the millions of people chose me. 

Felix: Yeah.

Robert: Gave me this chance, right. It’s like, the ultimate job that you’ve always wanted, that you didn’t know you could interview for. And, you know, all of a sudden, here you are in the Church. And you and I recalled, you know, when we were in our early 20s, against all odds, right? Because our families weren’t supporting it. They’re not supportive of it. But yet, we’re here. And, you know, we made the choice, because it’s the right choice and we never have any regrets. Never have any doubts, and just keep living your life, the way that God means for you to live it.

Felix: Yeah, exactly. And that’s, it’s like, when I hear it’s like, it’s always refreshing, you know, I love to hear that.

Aliw: Then, Felix brings up the topic that’s been the most difficult for many new members of the Church to deal with… with their families – the annual holidays.

Felix: And when it comes to like, with holidays, such as Christmas, I think it was last year, I told the one of the brethren like, Hey, is it okay if I can, night guard at the at the church because I don’t want to, be I don’t want to be at the house celebrating Christmas with my family, because I might be, I might be tempted or you know, because usually, it’s always drinking or partying to like, three in the morning, right?

I ended up going back home, but spending time alone in my room while the others were celebrating and doing those things downstairs. 

Robert: I’ve been there. I’ve been there, Felix, I, you know, it’s when you’re when you’re the only member in your family, it’s hard. It is. It’s not easy. It’s a test. It’s a test of your faith because you’re surrounded by that, right?

And it’s a tough thing for them to understand. But eventually they will, that it’s got nothing to do with you not wanting to be a part of the family. But they have to respect and that’s all, you know, it’s gonna get to a point where you’re not asking to convert them, you’re not wanting them to become members, necessarily, but you want them to at least respect your faith. The same way that you respect theirs. But you want them to respect your faith and respect the choices that you make as a result of it.

Felix: I’ve been through so much last year with persecution, I know, we have to face more, all of us, we all face it. You know, the person who faced it even more was our Lord Jesus Christ, you know, he, even he’s been, he’s been hated by almost the whole world. So we have to face it, too. But you know…

Robert: And imagine the choices He had to make…He made some difficult choices. And the choices we make pale in comparison to that. But you know it to us our choices, and our persecutions, and our trials are just, you know, there’s something we have to deal with. 

And right now is a very difficult time when you’re a new member. But just don’t give up. You know, just be patient, keep praying, and, you know, God’s gonna be the one to call them. You have to believe that. 

When you’re inviting people for missionary work, everybody has a number. And what I mean by that is that sometimes people have to be invited five times, sometimes they need to be invited three times, sometimes they have to be invited 100 times. We don’t know what that number is. The only thing that we can do is keep inviting. Because imagine if that person’s number was 100 and you stopped at 99, because you said I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to invite them anymore. But their number was 100. And you were only one number away, one invitation away from getting them to come and listen. 

But you know, just don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing, you’re doing exactly what you need to do, which is just to invite and when you invite and if they say no, what you should be feeling is good that you still had that love for them to want to invite them. It’s when you don’t want to invite them anymore and you’re like, nah, nevermind, that’s when you should start worrying.

Felix: Okay, yeah, yes. That’s what I that’s what I feel because every time I invite my dad—with my dad, I either watch INC posts on the on the app or invite him to the Evangelical Mission or it can either be an excuse or he doesn’t want to but you know, like I said—

Robert: There’s so much content INC Media. I always dig through the libraries to find something that I know is going to mean something to them. 

It doesn’t always have to be about trying to convert them or trying to get them into a Bible study. You just want them to become familiar, because remember, the way that you feel that they’re treating you it’s just because they don’t know. And our job is to educate them, and to let them know what the Church is all about. 

Felix: Thank you so much, Robert, for, you know, being in this podcast with me, you know, like I say, you know, even though, I just met you just now, I feel like, I can say if I’m in the future, I can go back and be like, Okay, now, I’m a very strong man, with a very strong faith as well.

Robert: It was great meeting you, Felix. 

Aliw Pablo: So Felix, how does it feel to be able to hear from someone who has been in your shoes?

Felix: Makes me feel like, you know, I’m not the only one out there, you know, so I’m really happy that he shared what he’s been through. And the advice that he gave me.

Robert: 100% Felix, you’re not alone. You are not alone. There are stories like this, the stories about people like you and I, all throughout the Church, in every country. So, believe me, this is not just a me problem. It’s a problem that a lot of members deal with. And it makes them stronger.

Aliw Pablo: And, Robert, if there was one piece of advice that you could say was the ultimate game changer, that you could really see the change in your family in the way they started to treat you, speak with you, when you invited them or when you even talked about religion, what would it be?

Robert:  Just one: it’s when they realized that my being a member of the Church of Christ didn’t mean that I didn’t love them anymore, that I didn’t still count them as my family. 

And it was that love that I have. That makes me want to continue trying to invite them. And I needed them to see that. It took time for them to finally realize that, you know, I’m still Robert, I still love you. You’re my mom, you’re my brothers, you’re my sisters. But this is my life in the Church, and I want you to be a part of it. And I’m not going to stop inviting you.

Aliw Pablo: Do you think it’s possible to to stay true to your spiritual identity and still be able to, you know, still maintain really strong family connections? Is it possible?

Robert: It’s, it’s possible. And it’s not something that is very easy in the beginning. But because your spiritual identity is something that when you’re a new member of the Church, you’re still trying to form, you’re still developing it, right? And your identity builds. The longer you are in the Church, the more active you are in the Church. You know, you stay active, you attend the Bible studies, you listen intently in the worship services. And you consume as much education as you can, you know, and that’s how you start to really build and reinforce that spiritual identity. But you’ve got to be able to create that balance that says—But when I’m with my family, and we’re making connections—You’re not prohibited from doing that. Just because you’re a member of the Church Of Christ doesn’t mean that you all of a sudden have to cut all ties with your family. Because that’s not what God wants. Right? He wants us to be the reason that your family is attracted to the church because they say, wow, look at the difference it made.

Felix: And we still love them no matter what. My prayer is just to love more because like I said, even in the scriptures, it says, you know, even your own loved ones would even hate you. But you know, all we got to do is just love them. Pray for them. So, like you said, so you know, we’re members, and I’m still your son, I’m still your brother and I will always love you no matter what.

Robert: Yes. And don’t—you know, in your mind, no matter what’s going on in the moment, just make sure that that’s what’s sitting in your mind, is that you know, ‘Mom, I’m talking to you, we are having a tough conversation, but I love you.’ And sometimes it’s a hard thing to say. But you know, you want them to know that that’s how you feel.

Aliw Pablo: Thank you both. Thank you both for a really enlightening conversation. And thank you for sharing your heart and the life lessons,  Robert. And Felix, we hope that what you heard from Robert today is going to help you in your own spiritual journey.

Felix: That’s what I’m trying to do is just be more positive. You know, just keep inviting them if you never know when God will call them to the church. So you know, it really helped me out.

Robert: It was a really, really great meeting. You know, I feel like I’m meeting myself 30 years ago, 20 years ago, maybe just 20 years ago. I don’t want to be that old.

Felix: I feel like when I’m his age, I’ll be in his shoes, giving the same advice to someone who is in my shoes, at my age.

Aliw Pablo: That’s right. And it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you both so much. Thank you so much. And we know that just from this one conversation, you’re going to help so many people who are going through the same things you’re going through Felix who may be quietly struggling, and we hope that this conversation has given them hope, has given them inspiration…to just keep loving, keep trying and to just never giving up. So thank you both so much.

Robert: It was great meeting you, Felix. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Aliw, for having us.

Aliw:  Special Thanks to Felix and Robert for taking the time to share their journeys and life lessons with us. Now, if you know someone who may be going through what Felix is going through, please share this episode with them to give them courage and find peace during what could be the best change in their life but also a very difficult transition in their lives.  

For more inspiring content or to learn more about the Iglesia Ni Cristo Church of Christ, log on to incmedia.org or download the INC Media app.

Thanks for listening. And may your change uplift you.

Posted in Common Problems, Making Changes, Podcast, Prayer

Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis

Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis
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Richelle and Joel, from the UK, were so excited to be expecting their first child, a baby boy. What they didn’t foresee was the health crisis they would face soon after his birth.


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Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: A health or medical crisis can have a significant impact on any marriage, but perhaps even more-so for newlyweds. You’re still finding your footing early on in your marriage, so how do you ensure you support each other enough to help each other get through this ordeal? We’ll find out about Joel and Richelle’s experience in today’s episode.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: Because the topic of discussion today is an extremely sensitive one, and I know it may be difficult to talk about, I am so appreciative of Richelle and Joel, from London, who are here to chat with me today. Welcome to the Happy Life podcast, Joel and Richelle.

Joel Dela Cruz: Hello.

Richelle Dela Cruz: Hi. Hi, Myrtle. How are you?

Myrtle: I’m good. How are things over there, over the pond?

Joel: We’re good. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us.

Myrtle: So you two have been married for how long now?

Joel: Coming up to three years in September.

Myrtle: Oh, wow! Congratulations. So, now tell me about finding out that you were expecting your baby boy, Noah.

Joel: So, we weren’t really planning. We just left it up to God and if He blessed us with a child, He blessed us. So, we weren’t really actively trying to have a baby or conceive at the time.

Richelle: Yeah, so you can say that we were surprised when we found out. Actually I was the first one who found out. I realized it because that day, it was during the pandemic, and I was working from home and I don’t usually eat junk food. But I realized I finished, like, a bag of crisps, or chips for America. I finished a whole bag and then I looked at it and I was like, “What’s happening?” And then I messaged him, I was like, “Can you actually buy a test?” and when he came home, I tested and we actually filmed ourselves. And yeah, we were really surprised. We were really scared. It’s something that we didn’t expect, and we felt we weren’t ready for it at that time.

Myrtle: But it was God’s perfect time, right? [laughs]

Joel and Richelle: Yes.

Myrtle: And what was your pregnancy like?

Richelle: So my pregnancy went very well, if I can say that. Every stage of my pregnancy, from the moment that we found out that we were pregnant, to finding out the gender, up to the due date, we tried everything that we could to prepare ourselves. So, not just physically for me, mentally, and even more so spiritually. We held our devotional prayers, and I did some exercises as much as I could, tried to eat healthily.

Myrtle: So up until the delivery, was everything pretty normal with your pregnancy?

Joel: Yeah, as she mentioned, everything was normal. The way Richelle planned to have a natural birth, water birth to be specific.

Richelle: Here in the U.K., we have a good kind of support system as well, with a midwife. So every time I would go for my appointment, they checked everything and also we talked about my birth plan. They knew what we wanted to do, if in case something would happen, and they were informed of what we wanted to opt for if something like that would happen.

Myrtle: So at this point, this is where the story does take a turn. I know that you did not have your ideal water birth. Can you tell us what happened during the delivery?

Joel: It started early morning, because around 1am or so where she actually was able to start pushing. So, past the contractions, and actually being admitted, and being able to go into the water and start pushing. At that time, she was trying for a good few hours. It was only when there was a switch between the midwives, where the next midwife decided to check and see if it was okay. So they got out of the water, and that’s when they discovered that her water didn’t actually break just yet. And then when they broke it there was a lot of meconium, which is basically the baby’s poop, that he inhaled. And that’s when they decided to rush her to the birthing center.

Richelle: At this point, I think I was in labor for more than 24 hours, right?

Joel: Something like that.

Richelle: Or 26 hours. So it’s like the next day already, and at the last minute when they found that there was meconium, you know, I was kind of heightened in terms of the labor stage. So I just remember being carried, they put me on a wheelchair, and they transferred me. So I was in the birth center. So from the birth center, they transferred me to the labor ward, and that’s where all the doctors and all the medical facilities are, and I just remember being rushed. I laid on the bed. Within a minute, I have all of these like wires attached to me and then, you know, they were asking me to push already. And there [were] maybe five people around and they were kind of in panic.

Joel: Yeah, no, I think there was a slight delay from when they got her in, because it was early morning and it was during that switch of nurses and midwives and doctors. And I think at that moment, every minute counts or every kind of second counted at that point, especially because they didn’t know how distressed the baby was. As soon as she had her next contractions they asked her to push and go for it, or else if she didn’t do it after I think one or two tries, they were going to go straight to C-section. But because the baby was quite far down already, that even would be quite risky.

Richelle: Yeah, I just remember being in so much pain. At that time I was already fully dilated and I didn’t have any painkillers at all. I think I just had [laughing] gas, but they asked me to stop with it because I was already inhaling too much. So if you could imagine, I had to quickly give birth to Noah to try to save his life. And at the same time I remember thinking to myself, I just want this to be over with. It was just the most painful thing for me. And I remember when Noah came out, I only held him for a second, right? They had to quickly take him away from me.

Joel: Yeah, so as soon as he came out, they literally put him [in] Chelle’s arms. They asked me to cut the cord straightaway, but then they realized. Then they took the baby straightaway, put off to the side, wiped off all the meconium that was on the baby, and then they began to suction out his windpipes for all the meconium, and then start doing basically the revival process, which we didn’t know at the time. But that’s what they were doing, rushing around. There’s more equipment coming in, there [were] the ICU trays coming in on wheels, and things like that.

Myrtle: So you weren’t fully aware of how much in distress he was at that time I guess. But can you try to explain what Noah’s complications were at birth?

Joel: So at birth, they originally just thought it was meconium aspiration, but when they got him into the ICU did a few more tests. Because it’s such a trial and error thing at that age, you can’t ask the baby what’s wrong, they have to try everything to see which one his body [will] react to. So they tried different drugs. They started doing everything they can. They had cannulas in every single part of his body that they could get into, both arms, legs, bellybutton, feet. Literally anywhere they could put up a cannula in they did. I think their main concern was that his blood pressure was constantly dropping in and out, his heart rate was dropping. They deemed him to have multiple organ dysfunction, mainly the lungs and the heart. They didn’t know what to do really at that point. They had a lot of concerns. They were calling different consultants in. They even started to speak to Great Ormond Street Hospital, which is a specialist child hospital in the U.K., one of the top hospitals, for advice on what to do too.

Richelle: To list what the doctors had advised us, his complications were: meconium aspiration syndrome, liver failure, thrombosis of vessels, metabolic acidosis, metabolic disorder, suspected sepsis and acute kidney injury.

Myrtle: I mean, that’s a pretty long list, so it must have been shocking to hear all of that. And then how did he react with all the medications and drugs that they were giving him?

Joel: When they began with the various drugs, he got to a point at Chelsea hospital where he was at literally [the] maximum care that they could give him. There’s nothing more they can do to try and save Noah. Great Ormond Street suggested that they have a procedure called ECMO [extracorporeal membrane oxygenation]. The way they described it to me is that it’s similar to a heart lung bypass where they would take out the blood from Noah and they would re-oxidize it and pump it back into the body. So it takes on the function of the heart and lungs, but it’s not a permanent solution. It’s to allow the heart and lungs to recover from everything that’s happened and heal.

Myrtle: So he was on that machine and then I’m sure for such a young, small, baby that must have been kind of risky as well.

Richelle: Yes, it was very risky. Actually the doctor in Great Ormond Street, he told us that was his only chance of surviving basically. So they’ve tried giving him all the drugs, the medicines, that they could but he wasn’t reacting to it very well. And the last chance that we had was to put him on ECMO. So he was only two days old at that time. He was a small, newborn baby. So it does come with a lot of risks. The doctor sat us down, I remember that time, and he basically listed to us all the things that could go wrong. And one of them was that, because he is quite unstable and his heart was failing, his liver was failing, he had a high chance of getting a stroke or even bleeding. Because again, they will open up his artery to connect that ECMO machine and that could lead to a lot of bleeding which he was already at risk for.

Joel: Yeah, because he was on blood thinners, if I’m not mistaken, for the blood to circulate and not clot. So to get him onto that machine, he could basically bleed out anywhere and they won’t know the cause. There was loads of different risks getting to that point or even making that decision.

But even before that, the transfer to Great Ormond Street, we [weren’t] even sure if he was going to make it there, because imagine he was [at] maximum care at Chelsea. To get him into an ambulance, they have to lower that level of care and they have to also transport him, which you’re moving the baby with all that. But everything was timed perfectly, and to be honest that’s all God’s timing really. If something happened, if there was a car that blocked us, or literally every second counted at that time. And then after that in Great Ormond Street, with all the risks of even getting him on ECMO, they had to wait for him to get to a stable point before they can even operate.

Richelle: We had to wait for a long time.

Joel: Yeah, we had to wait for quite a while for him to just even get to that point where they said, “Okay, let’s do it. Now is our window. Let’s go. It’s now or never.”

Richelle: Yeah, at that time it was already past midnight. We hadn’t had any sleep or food, but that was the last thing on our minds really. For me, I couldn’t even sleep. We were so tired. But I remember, as soon as the doctors left, we offered a prayer to God. You know, we had nothing else to do really, but to pray for a miracle, because it was literally out of our hands. You know, we had to trust that God will use the doctors, the surgeons, as His instruments to save our son, because that’s all we could hold on to—God’s power and His mercy—that hopefully we’ll still see our son after the surgery.

But yeah thankfully, I think after five hours, five, six hours at this time, the doctors came in with the surgeons and I remember them saying, “It was a success.” And that was the first time actually that I just cried my heart out. I’ve never felt so much relief ever in my life, after hearing those words. He was saying a few things about the surgery, how it went, but in my mind I was just praying, and crying, and thanking God. For me that was again another miracle that God performed.

Joel: They also said good things but they also mentioned that, before when he was on ECMO, slim to none was his survival ratings to now 50/50 pretty much, or just below 50% he mentioned. Those were the odds that doctors can give, but I mean in our hearts we entrust to God and no matter how slim the chances are, it’s all in God’s hands really at that point.

Myrtle: You know, I can’t even imagine how scary and nerve wracking those first moments and hours were for both of you. I mean, you’re newlyweds and now you have a newborn baby in the NICU or neonatal intensive care unit. How did you try to support one another and what were the first few hours, or you know, days or even weeks like?

Joel: It’s quite hard to describe it. Everything merged into one big survival mode of what I need to do to just get through this moment, get through the second. During the day you normally think of hours, or minutes, or how long until work finishes. But in those moments, it was literally every second mattered. Something was happening every single second, hands were moving, people were moving. Within those 24 to 48 hours, there [were] a lot of things that happened, and I think my body anyway kicked into just survival mode, and just going with what your body intends to do basically, and it just kept moving.

Richelle: For me, the first 24 hours were a bit different from Joel I’d say. I felt a sense of loneliness and defeat. As a first time mother, you know, seeing your child being in that condition, fighting for his life, and as a mother I couldn’t do anything. I felt like it was my fault. I carried Noah for nine months, I gave birth to him, and he wasn’t okay. And I didn’t know what to do at that time.

Also, because all of these happened during COVID, and due to the restrictions in the hospital, I didn’t have my family or friends around me. And even Joel, he could only stay with me at the hospital until 6pm, and most of the things that kind of happened to Noah happened at night after 6pm.

I remember during that day, we didn’t even tell our family I was in labor, so they didn’t know that I was actually giving birth to Noah. And we wanted to surprise them, you know. I had this image in my mind that I would just show Noah’s face and then surprise [them] kind of thing. But again, that didn’t happen according to what we planned. Obviously they asked me, “Where’s baby?” And I remember I couldn’t even answer. I was just crying to them because, you know, I had to tell them, “Baby’s not here. He’s in NICU. He’s not with me.”

So after you give birth, here at least in the U.K., you’re put into a ward with all the other mums who just gave birth. And there is no room, you’re just separated by curtains basically. So all night, all I could hear [were] newborn babies, and they were crying, they were cooing, you know. And then all the mums figuring out how to feed their baby. And I remember just sitting there alone, just crying, because you know I was praying I was like, “God, I’d rather be struggling right now, trying to figure out how to deal with a new baby, than sit here alone without my baby.” That really broke my heart.

I don’t think I told Joel this actually. Yeah, because every hour, the midwife would also come to me just to check if everything is okay. And I remember the look on their faces when they would open the curtain and I was by myself. And they would ask me, “Are you okay?” And then all I could say was, “Yeah, I’m okay,” but I’d be crying at the same time. You know, that was really hard for me. It was already late at night. You know, I tried my best not to disturb anyone else. So it was really just me by myself, just going through all the emotions I could feel. And especially postpartum, to all the mums out there who [have] been through that, you know, your emotions can be wild even after you give birth. Isn’t it?

Myrtle: You’re a hormonal wreck. It’s, like, so emotional, everything makes you cry. So I can’t even imagine, honestly, Chelle, how you were just by yourself and feeling so isolated. My heart, it just goes out to you for what you went through.

Richelle: I still wanted to see my baby. So I actually forced myself to stand up and walk to the neonatal ward just to see him, even though I was still in so much pain. You know, I just gave birth a few hours before that. Just going to [the] NICU and seeing my newborn baby with so many cables around him, he had a tube through his nose and he was breathing with a machine, that was really hard for me to see. His body was so small and, you know, it’s a sight I wish no mothers would see.

Joel: Yeah. When I did come back, the only thing that we could do together is just try to be there for each other. And because of COVID, we weren’t allowed to both be in [there] next to Noah. So we had to take turns at that time, which is very difficult. I can speak for parents that if your child is in a condition where you can’t do anything about it, you just see them there and you can’t do anything, it is heartbreaking. We just tried to comfort each other. We prayed every time that we were together or we felt overwhelmed. We would pray and that would calm us down and calm our nerves. We just poured our hearts in prayer really, whatever we could think of. We left the decision of what happens to Noah up to our Almighty God. And we just promised that no matter what happens, we will continue to be faithful and continue to serve Him come what may.

Richelle: Yeah, and during those first 24 hours or even 48 hours, we would always receive bad news.

Joel: Yeah, we would always hear, “He could go at any moment. Please be ready. His blood pressure is unstable.” They tried to manage our expectations. They were saying they were giving him all the best care and medication. He’s not taking it well. But between Richelle and I, all we could do is trust in our Almighty God.

Richelle: At that moment, we already expected for us to be staying in the hospital longer than planned. So Joel went home and got our stuff. All throughout the night, I was just by Noah’s side. And I remember, the nurses and the doctors, they were forcing me to go back to my bed. But they reassured me that they would call me again if they ever needed me, and so I went back to my bed.

And it only took 10 minutes. I didn’t even get to sleep. One of the doctors, who told me that they will call me, physically went to my room and asked me to go to see Noah. And obviously seeing the doctor, physically coming to me, my mind was already in a panic mode. I was already expecting the worst. And then when I got to [the] NICU and saw Noah again, there were about 10 doctors running around. They were talking amongst each other, they were getting all the equipments, and one of the doctors approached me.

I remember the look on his face, and he told me to call Joel and ask him to go to the hospital and he told me, “Just prepare.” That’s all he said. And I remember seeing all the machines, they were beeping loudly. I saw flashes of red, all the stats were going red. You know, I knew something was wrong. At that moment, they haven’t told me yet. You know, just looking at the doctor’s face, I knew at that moment that I could possibly lose my son any moment now.

So I called my dad and I cried hysterically. I remember being in the hallway, and I was just on the phone with my dad and I was just really crying out loud. And I was like, “I’m going to lose Noah. I’m going to lose my son. What do I do?” You know, I felt so defeated and helpless. And I remember my dad telling me on the phone, you know, “Just pray. Just place your trust in God. Anything can happen. He can make the impossible possible. So just pray.”

You know, and after a while that calmed me down. All the nurses ushered me back to my bed. And when I was left alone again, I prayed again, because that’s all we could do at that moment. You know, I really knew nothing else but to seek God’s comfort. I was begging him to just ease my pain.

Joel was really supportive of me. He really was my rock at that time. I went through severe depression and although I did try to suppress it, I wanted to seem strong. So I tried my best to really suppress whatever I was feeling, but it was really hard for me. But Joel kept reminding me of the good things that were happening, and we both made sure that our spirits were up whenever one of us seemed down. And I would say the whole experience made us even closer to each other.

Myrtle: My heart really does hurt for you both and what you went through. As a mother myself, Richelle, I can’t even fathom what your pain must have been like. But, you know, after all of these hours of being in the NICU and hearing the machine and whatnot, can you share what happened next?

Joel: A lot happened within the first week after he was put on ECMO. We managed to get him offered and anointed with oil. I felt calm after that moment, and I believe that’s a manifestation of God’s love. And the fact that we put our faith and our trust in Him, He really put us at ease at that point. We knew and we both understood that whatever happens next, it’s up to our Almighty God, and we were both very thankful and grateful for whatever would happen next really.

Richelle: I remember the nurses were telling us, Joel and I, how we both looked happy when we were in the hospital. Do you remember that?

Joel: They always said, “How are you guys so calm? How are you guys so relaxed about this?”

Richelle: Yeah, I think after he was anointed and offered, we literally were so calm. You know, we even celebrated his first week. We were so happy that he actually reached one week. We were over the moon. We wanted to thank all the nurses that were taking care of Noah at that time. My brother and sister-in-law, they have a cake business. So I asked my sister-in-law and my brother to make them cakes in a cup, because it was still during COVID. So we had to give it individually. And it had like a little thank you note from Noah, you know, thanking them for taking care of Noah. At that time, he was still unconscious. He wasn’t moving yet but, you know, we felt happy because he was really stable. He was the most stable he could [be] at that time. We were beyond ecstatic, because we felt that God blessed us with not just a day but a week with him, which was more than what we prayed for every day. By the grace of God, after six weeks, Noah got to come home with us and he recovered around 10 weeks after that.

Myrtle: I’m so happy to hear that. That must have been such an amazing feeling.

At this moment, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to learn what to do in times of a health or medical crisis. Hello again, Brother Felmar.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle. Hi, everybody, and a big thank you to Joel and Richelle for coming out today and sharing your story. And in connection with that, we want to start our Bible-based advice today by asking the Holy Scriptures: Is it a new thing that members of the Church Of Christ face life-threatening situations?

Let’s read what the Bible says here in II Corinthians, chapter 1, the verses are 8 to 10. We’ll quote from The Message translation:

“We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.”

[II Corinthians 1:8-10 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Here we heard from Apostle Paul, a member of the Church Of Christ in the first century, who also found himself in life threatening scenarios, along with many other Christians in their time.

And what is a natural human reaction when your life is in danger? In the words of the early Christians, “It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us.” In short, they were devastated and felt like all hope was lost.

So we can understand where Richelle was coming from when she shared with us earlier how defeated she felt, even feeling like she had failed as a mother, that her heart was broken into pieces and how she was crying nonstop for her newborn whose life was hanging by a thread.

And you could say it was one of those ‘perfect storm moments’ because this family emergency happened while COVID was still very much at large. So if I remember correctly, Richelle, your parents and siblings couldn’t come see you after giving birth, right, and Joel’s visits were limited?

Richelle: Yes, that’s correct, Brother Felmar. Birth of a baby is such a momentous and joyous occasion, and normally you would celebrate that with your friends and your family. But at that moment, due to COVID restrictions, I couldn’t see my parents or siblings. They couldn’t come to the hospital, and Joel’s visits, they’re very limited. He had to go home after 6pm.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Right, so we can all just imagine how lonely Richelle felt at the time, on top of everything else.

Nevertheless, in these life-threatening scenarios or ‘perfect storm moments,’ understand that something good is meant to come from it. What’s that? Look at what Apostle Paul said here: “As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally.”

Therefore, God uses these types of trials for our learning, so that we become well-educated on the truth that the one who matters most is God. Everything else in life pales in comparison to serving God, living with God, and trusting in God. What’s one proof? Well when we, members of the Church Of Christ, are confronted by danger, or when it seems like all attempts at a solution have failed, yet who do we still keep praying to? Who do we beg even more to help us? Isn’t it God? And why is that? Because like Apostle Paul stated, “He’s the God who raises the dead.” So nothing is impossible with God.

Never forget, too, what’s stated in Job, chapter 12, verses 9 to 10, that in God’s hand is “the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.” So giving life, preserving life, and saving a life is not in our hands, nor in the doctor’s hands, or in that of modern day medicine—but in God’s.

So if any of God’s faithful servants, tuning in right now, are going through a life-threatening situation—if not you yourself, maybe a loved one, similar to what Richelle and Joel experienced with their son—so what should we do?

The Bible teaches this in the book of Psalms. The chapter is 62, the verses are 5 down to 8, in the Good News Bible. We quote the following:


I depend on God alone. I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me; he is my defender and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honor depend on God; he is my strong protector; he is my shelter. Trust in God at all times, my people. Tell him all your troubles, for he is our refuge.
[Psalm 62:5-8 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Yes, our family members, physicians, medicine, can be instrumental for our betterment. But Who is it that we should truly depend on to save our life? The Bible says, “I depend on God alone. I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me.”

That’s why, in the Church Of Christ, we obey the teachings of God, because that’s the proof we depend on Him and trust in Him. Holding prayers and the anointing of oil, like what we heard from Joel and Richelle earlier—that’s in accordance with God’s teachings written in the Bible, along with seeking medical attention.

The truth is, even physicians and medicine are used by God as instruments for our welfare. But, does this mean that we should only turn to God when we have a problem, or in extreme cases? No, because the Bible teaches us: “Trust in God at all times…” So even when things are going well for us, we’re healthy, we’re prosperous, we must continue to trust in God by being prayerful, thankful, and obedient to His commandments and instructions.

Now before I close our spiritual advice for today, I’d like to go back to what Apostle Paul said. If you remember, after surviving the peril he and other Christians experienced in Asia, Apostle Paul exclaimed that God “…did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.” So here’s my question to Richelle and Joel: Did you feel the same way after God rescued you, especially your son?

Richelle: We believe that Noah’s survival was a miracle that God allowed us to see. And because of that, our faith has been strengthened. And it just gives us the firm hope that no matter what happens in our lives going forward, as long as we place our full trust in Him, God will never forsake us.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well again, thank you very much to the both of you for coming out today and sharing with us your story. We hope that as your experience has strengthened your faith and given yourselves that added confidence in our Almighty God, that moving forward even if there will be other trials or problems, God will continue to rescue us. May it be that through your story, through this podcast, those tuning in also have been edified in the faith.

So thank you again to you both. Thank you to the Happy Life team. That’s all from me for today. See you all next time.

Myrtle: Thank you for joining us again on Happy Life, Brother Felmar. Those were truly very inspiring words of advice from the Bible.

So, Chelle and Joel, what kind of support did you receive from family, friends, and even fellow brethren in the Church Of Christ?

Richelle: We felt so much love, care, and compassion from our family, friends and loved ones. Due to COVID restrictions at that time, we couldn’t see everyone in person. But once we were comfortable to share the news with them, we felt such an overwhelming love from everyone. They didn’t hesitate to call us, or message us, to show their support and encouragement, which we really appreciated at that time.

Our parents, my mom and dad, they would come to the hospital after their day’s work just to give us food and to help us with our clothes, since we were staying at the hospital. And my sisters, and a few of our friends as well, came to the hospital socially-distanced. So we got to see them from afar. Every single effort that they did, to show that they were there for us, is remembered by us and we’re really thankful for that.

Joel: And even just dropping us a random message of,“Hey, how are you? How’s Noah?”—a lot of those things, we really felt love from our family and friends really at that point. And even ministers would also contact us, and one of the first ministers we actually reached out to is our district supervising minister, Brother Glenn Gomez. He was the first one, outside of our family, that we contacted to just seek advice and what we needed to do. Because one of the first things that we always knew to do was speak to your spiritual advisor. He was the one who was God’s instrument to give us the confidence and faith that we needed to face this trial.

Richelle: Also one of our other overseeing ministers here in the U.K., Brother Phillip Velasquez, he’s our overseeing minister in INC Media Services here in Europe, he was the one who offered Noah to our Almighty God. It wasn’t planned. Brother Philip was actually one of the ministers who called us.

Joel: We asked permission from Brother Glenn if it was possible to offer him because we wanted his name written in the Book of Life at that point. And if he was to pass away, who knows what would happen? That was one of the questions that we asked, and Brother Phillip called us at that point too.

Richelle: I mentioned it briefly to him that we would like to anoint Noah and offer him as well. And Brother Philip was like, “Oh, I’m free tomorrow. I don’t mind doing it. I’d like to do it.” And I was like, “Yes, yes, please.”

Joel: So we sought the permission from Great Ormond Street if they would allow it, because they weren’t allowing any external visitors or anything like that. But because he’s a minister, it’s a slightly different story where there’s exceptions in cases like Noah where he could go at any time. They allowed him to come visit the next day, which was quite fortunate for us really.

RIchelle: We actually received a message from our Executive Minister, Brother Eduardo Manalo, who directly instructed Brother Phil to anoint Noah, and to pray for him, and to offer him to our Almighty God. After succeeding bad news, that was one of the best news we could have received.

Joel: It was overwhelming. We felt so blessed, and we felt his love and care that he would go this far and he didn’t know us, and he remembered us and our family, which is another manifestation of our Almighty God’s love and guidance through the Church Administration.

Myrtle: Oh, wow. I’m sure it was so reassuring to feel that you were not alone. It must have been heartwarming. What do you think got you through those first few days and weeks?

Joel: Throughout the stay in the hospital, we managed to still worship and we still had guidance from our local resident minister, Brother Daniel Apostol. He was always there to help us too whenever we needed. And it was being able to fulfil our duties, and our primary duties of worshipping, that really put us at ease. And the worship services at that time felt so timely. They felt like our Almighty God was answering our prayers through the worship service.

Richelle: The worship service was something that we couldn’t miss despite what we were going through. You know, with God’s grace and mercy, Joel even continued to perform his duty as the local TSV, so that’s technical support for video streaming. I continued to attend our choir practices. We felt that those are the things that we couldn’t give up. Despite what we were going through, we will still continue to perform our duties and to worship God.

Joel: At that time, the Children’s Worship Service started again and I was able to perform as a teacher again. And that was a really big blessing for me to be able to teach the younger generation, and I just remember thinking that I hope one day I’ll be able to teach Noah as he grows older in the CWS too. And being able to hold on to those duties, and keeping us busy throughout those times, it really helped us get through those situations.

Richelle: Yeah, we kept ourselves busy doing the works for our Lord God, and it helped us change our focus. It helped us feel hopeful for what’s to come, especially whenever we would pray as a couple. There are times when we are given situations, such as this time, where we really cannot do anything on our own. And this experience with Noah was one of those times. And it was important for us to be able to pray to God, not only because we needed His help and His guidance during this clouded, confusing, and overwhelming time, but also to remember to thank Him.

Joel: Yeah, absolutely. Having that right and privilege to be able to pray, and know, and believe that He has heard our prayers, is such a big blessing that we would never take for granted. And we’re grateful for that right. And no matter when it is, what day, what hour, our Almighty God is always going to be there for us. And He has been there for us, especially through those moments which were probably, undoubtedly, our most troubled and darkest moments in our lives where we didn’t know what could happen.

Richelle: That’s actually one of the things that the ministers that we spoke to reminded us through, you know, the verses that they’ve read to us and through their prayers for us: that no matter what happens, as long as we place our trust in our Lord God, we need to trust that He has a better plan for us. Be it that we might lose our son, or that we get to spend more days with him, but at the end of the day whatever it is, it’s God’s will. And whatever God wills for us is always for the better.

Myrtle: How can friends best be supportive of a newlywed couple experiencing a health crisis or a medical scare?

Joel: Just being able to show your genuine care, no matter how you choose to show it, whether it be by dropping a text, or a call, or act of kindness. We had some friends that dropped us some food.

Richelle: Especially during COVID, because you can’t really physically see someone.

Myrtle: You know, even just those little quick texts like, “I’m thinking about you guys,” or “I’m here for you.” Something as simple as that, right? So what would your words of encouragement be to other newlyweds who are also experiencing a health or medical crisis?

Richelle: That they are not alone. They have a whole community behind them willing to help. Even though there are moments when you feel and think that you are alone, just remember that our Lord God is always there. He is always ready to help you and to comfort you. We have to just remember that with our Almighty God, He is Almighty. He can do everything, even the impossible.

Myrtle: Very, very true. And you know, now that Noah has turned a year old, what are you thankful for?

Joel: Thankful for many things. The fact that he’s healthy, the small wins where he gets signed off from physio, or has a checkup and they’re surprised at how much he’s progressed, that everything is good. He’s a very active baby, and you wouldn’t think that what he went through he went through really, and it makes us appreciate him even more.

Richelle: It’s such a privilege to see him grow, and we’re just really grateful for his life. We couldn’t imagine living without him, and we’re just thankful that we are in his life, he is in our lives. And we’re thankful to God, especially, for blessing him with a year full of achievements and milestones. And like what Joel said, even the small wins. Even after he was discharged we had many, many doctor’s appointments, follow up appointments. And just hearing the doctors telling us that he’s growing as he should be, achieving all these things, it just… it makes us happy and beyond grateful to our Almighty God for letting us see that. And again, it’s one of our answered prayers.

Myrtle: Spoken like the proud and thankful parents that you are. Well, Richelle and Joel, my sincerest thanks to you both for opening your hearts to us and for sharing your pain, your worries, your joy, and your gratitude with all of us.

Richelle: Thank you! Thank you for having us.

Joel: Thank you very much for having us.

Myrtle: Give Noah a hug from Auntie Myrtle please.

Richelle: Yes.

Joel: Will do. [laughs]

Myrtle: It’s scary when you’re faced with an unexpected medical or health crisis as newlyweds. The stress and challenging situation will definitely test you and determine how you’ll overcome it. But it’s definitely doable with a great support system and, most of all, with God by your side.

This brings us to the end of our discussion for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life, Prayer

Dads with Autistic Kids

Dads with Autistic Kids
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Jay and Mike are two dads who have children on the autism spectrum. They sit down for an honest conversation on how changing their mindset about autism has helped them find hope and gratitude.


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Dads with Autistic Kids

Jay: Good morning. 

Mike: Good morning. Can you hear me? 

Jay: Can you hear my audio?

Mike: Yeah. 

Aliw: From INC Media Audio, this is Making Changes, a podcast about the changes we go through and the life lessons we learn along the way, but always with God by our side. I’m your host, Aliw Garcia Pablo. 

Mike: Hi, Jay. How are you?

Jay: Hi, Mike. I’m good. How are you?

Aliw: Today’s episode is for dads. Today we’ll listen to two dads who have found themselves adjusting their plans in parenting upon finding out that their children were diagnosed with autism.  You’ll meet Jay from Australia whose 4 year old daughter, Layna, was  recently diagnosed with autism, and he’ll be talking to Mike, who will be passing on what he’s learned from his experiences with his 8 year old son, Mateo, who was diagnosed at 22 months.

Mike: What time is it over there right now?

Jay: 12. Just after midnight. 12:18.

Mike: You look so awake.

Jay: Helayna is very active at this time of night. We usually don’t sleep until 4AM. That’s a good day. Yesterday it was 5AM.

Mike: I hear you, bro. I hear you.

Aliw:  So, what happens when a dad realizes he now has to pivot his parenting styles and strategies when his child has such an active mind that they rarely sleep, or are non-verbal and have to navigate through a whole different way of communicating and interacting? How does one cope with an unexpected diagnosis that changes their lives in an instant? Here’s Mike and Jay.  Let’s listen in.

Jay: Hi, Mike. 

Mike: Hey, Jay.

Jay: Thank you so much for taking this time to sit down with me, and basically, answer a few questions that I’ve had since, you know, my having a daughter that has been diagnosed with autism, and you having I believe a son, Mateo. I would really love to hear, like, your insights to my questions, being further down in this journey than I am. So thank you so much for taking this opportunity with me.

Mike: No, thank you, Jay. It’s great to meet you. And I say thank you because it’s important for us to share our stories. When we share our stories, we help one another. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is great.

Jay: I wanted to ask – how did it start for you?

Mike: For Mateo, he was formally diagnosed shortly before he turned…shortly before he turned two, when my wife, Myra, had started to notice some things about our son when it comes to what we would normally see as milestones for children his age for toddlers. And I just remember coming home from Church. And, you know, I can see that something was troubling her. And then she just simply said, “I think Mateo is autistic. I knew nothing about autism to begin with…

(audio fades)

Aliw: And that was the start of their journey. From that moment of a mother’s instinct, they began to see medical professionals and months later, by the summer of 2015, their beautiful boy, Mateo was officially diagnosed as autistic. 

Jay: So how was that emotionally? For the both of you?

Mike: It was the weight of reality settling in. It had been this up and down journey of like, does he really have autism? Are we just overthinking this? Is he just missing some markers, some milestones? And it’s our fault, because we haven’t done enough with him? I don’t know. Right? So when we finally received that official diagnosis, I remember when we were just walking back from the doctor’s office to the vehicle. I don’t remember us actually talking on the way back to the vehicle. And it’s just when we all got inside the car, and Myra and I, we just looked at each other. And both of us were just so teary eyed. It was that moment of acceptance that this is our son. And he comes from God. 

At that very moment, we had a prayer, thanking God and helping us really begin to understand not only our son, and what his journey could entail, but thanking God to help us understand the kind of journey that we need to take as a family.

Jay: We have our daughter Layna. Currently four years old. And she was two years old also when she was diagnosed, when we had our, you know, the regular checkups that she had just to make sure she was hitting her milestones, that’s when the nurse noticed some signs that led to autism. 

I think that was the biggest struggle for us, that we didn’t have a definite answer because of the pandemic causing a lot of delays. We had to see three different professionals just to make sure that the diagnosis was correct. And when she was officially diagnosed, it was already like a breath of relief for us. But when we first found out that she might potentially be on the spectrum for autism, it was, I would say, very heartbreaking for both Gem and I. 

It’s really different, when it actually impacts your family directly. And Layna is our first child. We had all these dreams that we were thinking about. And then when we already had an idea of what challenges somebody with autism could have. And when we find out that our daughter will be facing those challenges, you know, it crushed us a little bit. That’s putting it gently. It crushed, crushed us a lot. 

I guess the question I want to ask is, what would you say to another dad, in particular another father that has just been told that their child is on the autism spectrum? 

Mike: I would have to ask, what in particular with your situation, your dreams for your child? What in particular was heartbreaking for you, and for your wife, when you found out?

Jay: We had dreams of, I guess…I guess the conversations that we would have, and the, you know, the adventures that we would have with her, as she grew up older, and, you know, for my wife, it was also things such as for her, eventually, going, walking down the aisle and being a grandma, for my wife and us being grandparents.

The first month, it was really a lot of prayers. And really, it was, through those prayers, that we were able to find the courage to face what we needed to face, to do what needed to be done. 

Mike: From your original question, somebody who just finds out that their child is on the spectrum, and then they might be feeling lost? You know, I would let them know that—I would argue that you’re actually not lost. But once we get that official diagnosis, well, now we know. 

Jay: That’s right. It was really God who stepped in and helped us change our mindset.

Mike: And this is actually something I had to remind my mother, not too long ago. And you know, my mother, she loves her grandson to death. And she keeps sharing with us how she’s always praying for her grandson. And what’s interesting is that she, in her prayers, would say that. To help Mateo become normal. Right? And I had to remind my mother. You know what, Mateo… this is his normal…

But I think instead of feeling lost, at least now you know, the direction you needed to take. Right? And it’s not easy. It’s never going to be easy. And it’s too simple to say you have to accept it. This is who they are. 

Aliw: You know, I can’t say that I know exactly what Mike or Jay have had to go through, but as a parent, I can definitely understand that fear that sets in when you receive life-altering news about your child, fear of what’s to come and the never-ending questions that keep you up at night. 

Jay: So, we have those questions such as “Will my child ever be able to speak?” And “Will they be able to look after themselves?” “Will they be able to find love?” Because as parents, and even before we even found out any of this diagnosis for her, our concern was always like, make sure that she’s prepared and she’s ready to face life by herself. 

Mike: You know, in my case, it’s like I had that thought, “Is my name going to be carried to the next generation?” Right? Because he’s my only son, like how, like, how selfish and how archaic is that thought, right? 

Jay: It’s like, how are they going to be when we pass away? Will they be able to understand the things that they need to do, and especially as members of the Church Of Christ, will they be able to comprehend what they need to comprehend so that they can remain inside the Church? 

The question I have for you, Mike, is what do you tell yourself so that you can find the courage to continue doing what you need to do, and just to and carry on?

Mike: Simply, we have to get him to salvation. We can dream and we can wish, we can pray for our children to gain a certain understanding and skills that will help them in life. But everything that we will be dreaming of, everything that we would be praying for, all of those are necessary for our child, in the end, to get to salvation. 

So, that is the one thing that just being a Christian dad, you can research parenting books, you can look up on websites on how to be a great father and all that, but we keep hearing it in the worship service all the time, we keep hearing it from ministers, God already gave us the blueprint in the Bible. Right?

I remember Emirick Haro, she mentioned this in a Faith Speaks that she did a long time ago, she was talking about her son. And I just remember her mentioning that she came to the realization that her son doesn’t really belong to her, or her husband. Her son Russell actually belongs to God. Right? And Mateo, our son – he came from God. So, we have to get him to salvation. What is it that we can do to help him so that he can grow to love God? 

Interestingly enough, we started this prayer a long time ago. It was on the heels of a video streaming worship service. And, if I remember correctly, it was an ordination of new ministers. And I remember holding Mateo in my arms that day in the prayer for those newly ordained ministers. It hit me. Why can’t Mateo be a minister? From that point on, that has been our prayer for Mateo. 

Jay: Wow.

Aliw: Jay, being a son of a minister himself, was quite surprised at the dreams and aspirations and prayers Mike had for his son, Mateo. 

Mike: Sure, we want God to help him to do the things that we do, so that he himself can actually grow up to take care of himself. But if the goal is to get him to salvation, praying for him to become a minister? What does that require? Well, he needs to learn how to speak. He needs to learn how to socialize with people, he needs to understand other people, and therefore to be able to understand their problems, he has to ultimately comprehend the words of our Almighty God, right?

Jay: Right. Yes.

Mike: And ultimately, he has to grow to love God. That’s going to get him to salvation. Right. So that has been our prayer for our son. 

Jay: It’s really just follow the path, follow the blueprint.

I think fear plays a big role in needing to do the things that we need to do. Sometimes, I guess we second guess ourselves. It’s like, are we doing the right thing? Is this really helping Layna?

Mike: Yeah. 

Jay: And that’s kind of why we have a lot of late nights is that the majority of the time her energy is really high. She is always so happy. Right? And it’s very hard to calm her down. But when she’s down, when she’s sad, oh, you’ll know it from a mile away. 

Mike: Absolutely.

Jay: And it’s hard, she can’t tell you why she’s not feeling happy. And you have to, you know, we’ve learned a lot by looking at her nonverbal cues, being able to learn a lot more of that. It’s still a guessing game for us. 

Mike: We’ve been seeing it in Mateo, how we need to communicate with him to be an active listener. Being able to read his body language, so that we can address what might be bothering him.

Aliw:  And it was in this part of the conversation where what started off as thoughts of fears of the unknown, now slowly transitioned to the blessings that they’ve begun to see in their marriages as a result of learning and dealing with the autism diagnosis. 

Mike: Over the years we’ve discovered how we need to be better for each other as husband and wife. It could be a challenge for husbands in general, but to read body language, and then to be an active listener. I know it’s our first impulse to try to find a solution, and just fix it. Right? Because we’re fixers, that’s what we do, we fix things. But a lot of the time, we don’t need to be the fixer, we just need to be the listener, we just need to try to understand what’s happening. So in being able to do what we need to do to help us strengthen our relationship with Mateo, in turn, it’s helped us with Micah, our daughter, and in turn, it has also helped Myra and I as husband and wife.

Jay: Over these two years, our relationship has gotten stronger, because not only has our communication skills have become better, it’s, you know, seeing the cues, our patience has gotten better. And overall, just being able to show that love, you know, and having that energy through how you say your words. You know, when we have those bad days, we want to make sure that we’re also in that place of love before we say anything.

Parents who have children who are neurotypical, you know, someone that doesn’t have autism, their child is able to say what they want to say when they want something, or what might hurt or whatever. Whereas with autism, they can get easily overwhelmed with a new environment.

For example, when we bring her to the children’s worship service, right, and there’s, you know, it’s quite loud, there, there’s a lot of children and sometimes before, while you’re waiting for the worship service to start, and even after, the children are quite loud and happy, in general, but for her, that is hard for her to get used to at the moment. And that’s one of many, but one of the triggers that can start off a bad day, because she’s not able to express it. 

But would you and your wife together, when you have those bad days, when you aren’t able to console them, eventually becomes overwhelming for you, slowly, when you realize that, how do you and your wife work together to get through it?

Mike: Essentially, we talk it out, we have to talk it out. So, if ever Mateo is having difficulty regulating his emotions, like negative emotions as if he’s not feeling good at all, we can ask him questions. If he reacts to it, then, hey, maybe that’s what actually bothered him. And then we can smooth things out. If he doesn’t react to it, then we’ve got to keep asking him. 

And you’re probably finding this with Layna as well. What could be bothering them at that moment actually probably didn’t happen at that moment. It may have been something that happened a few hours ago, it may have been something that happened maybe a couple of days ago, or maybe even last week. But it’s only at that moment that they are expressing their feeling of what happened to them. It’s so important to make them feel safe, that they can share.

Aliw: You know, just listening to Mike and Jay, I could sense that they wake up each day not knowing what to expect, especially since they rarely get much sleep due to their children’s energy. But whatever day they’re having, good or bad, they’re constantly and patiently working to get to the root of the triggers their children have. 

Jay: And it’s like, it’s just a lot of this trying to be a detective, trying to figure out what it is.

Mike: Absolutely.

Jay: So, do you guys do anything differently whenever you have the good days with Mateo? How do you celebrate those good days with him?

Mike: Every day, they’re little celebrations throughout each and every day. Celebration is even in the form of he just wants us to get off our phone, or get off our screen, and just sit with him. Because he just wants to feel that connection. He doesn’t need to say the words “Hey, Mom, Dad, you’re on your screen too long. Pay attention to me.” He blocks our view of our screen. So it forces us to put our phone down or whatever. And then he sits on our lap. And then he’s face-to-face with me, giggling and laughing. And it’s like, “It’s my time now.”

There are times where Myra and I, we’ll have a very animated discussion. You know what he’ll do? He’ll come between us. He literally will grab our hands and make us hold our hands. 

Jay: Oh, wow. 

Mike: And then he’ll make us face each other. And then he’ll make us face him. And then he’ll start giggling. 

Jay: Layna actually did something, not quite like that. This was one of those very early mornings, where she’s very happy. It’s 3am, (she) doesn’t want to go to sleep. Gem was watching something. And Layna went up to her, looked at her phone, and Gem thought, “Oh, maybe she’s interested as well at what I’m watching.” She leaned over, pressed the pause button, (and) put the phone away. 

Mike: Wow. 

Jay: It’s like, I guess in a way, she’s telling mommy to “pay attention to me,”  right? 

When she does things like that. And then she looks at you with her big round eyes. It’s like, she doesn’t have to say it, you just know it. We celebrate when we get those moments with her.

What are some, you know, difficult truths that you’ve faced over the past six years of having to tell other people, explaining to them your child’s diagnosis? And did you have to do anything particular to overcome those?

Mike: One difficult truth is that, even though Mateo can’t use words, he will express himself vocally and he can do so loudly. Right? Very loud.

Jay: I can relate to that.

Mike: Even though there might have been these weird or uncomfortable glares or stares coming from others, it’s still important for us as a family to make Mateo feel like, “You know, maybe you’re a little bit loud. But don’t worry about what other people may be feeling at this time. Because we want you to feel comfortable wherever you’re going to be, wherever you go.” So it’s not so much talking to other people and trying to get them to understand Mateo.

Jay: That’s what we eventually figured out – that it’s really her being happy. It’s the way that she expresses her happiness. So we shouldn’t be ashamed of that. 

Mike: Wherever he is, if he’s at home, if he’s at Church, if we’re out and about, he knows that we’re not going to change our tone or the way that we speak to him. So that will lend to that feeling of safety for him. That, “Yeah, we’re going to talk to you the same way that we talk to you at home, dude.”

Jay: Thanks, Mike.  

Mike: No, thank you.

Jay: Thank you so much for answering the questions that I had. It really helped, gave more insights to it, and what to expect, and things that I was unsure of. Thank you for giving your explanation being further along in this journey. It really gives us that hope. It’s really been a great discussion. Thank you so much. 

Mike: Thank you. This has been so awesome. And just being able to share stories, and just being able to verbalize just really just helps me like reflect at the same time. This is almost kind of therapeutic as well.

Jay: I was about to say. You’re actually the first dad that I’ve spoken to, at length, about, you know, autism having a child with autism. And it’s been, like you said, it’s been therapeutic. It’s been good.

Mike: Awesome. Oh, that’s, that’s so great.

Jay: Thank you again, Mike.

Aliw: Mike and Jay, I just want to thank you both. It was really heartwarming, actually, Jay, to hear you say, this is the first time I’ve spoken to another dad. And with everything that you guys talked about today, Jay, what would you say was your biggest takeaway?

Jay: My biggest takeaway would be how Mike highlighted, how when we have our prayers, and we pray to Almighty God. It’s really about our child, and changing and shifting our mindset, that we are still parents, they belong to God. And we’re just there to lead them to salvation.

Aliw: Yeah. And for you, Mike. Well, you’ve been on this journey for, you know, eight years now, Mateo’s eight. Have you ever talked, talked it out, talked it through with another dad the way you did today?

Mike: It’s the same thing with me. This is by far the most, aside from Myra, the most that I have talked about my son, and our family life. And it was truly therapeutic, to really just not only hear, but to feel those ideas that have been in my head, and in my heart for eight years. So, thank you.

Aliw: Why do you think it’s just as important for dads to get emotional support?

Mike: Silently suffering. Right? Part of that, because as a head of household, as a father, as a Christian dad, like, you’re expected to, to provide for your family, but that’s not just materially. You have to be there emotionally. And if you want to, if you’re somebody who’s always kept your emotions in check, you’re not going to be the leader you need to be. It’s important to talk freely in that way with your spouse. It’s important to be that active listener for your spouse, but especially for your children.

Aliw: So you’re both functioning with no sleep. I admire the fact that you are both and your wives are so much more in tune with your children, as opposed to parents who may have quote, unquote, normal kids. Those good days, where they’re not having a tantrum today, or those good days, while they actually, you know, slept for five hours instead of just two you both take these small moments, these micro blessings. And really, never taking them for granted and realizing, wow, this is God’s blessing for us today. If autism was not in your life, how different of a dad would you be?

Jay: Somebody once said to me that we’re blessed with special children because we’re special parents. But I like to say, or I think what we’ve started to see is that it’s our children that helped us to become special.

Mike: We’ve come to learn how to communicate with Mateo, how to try to understand him, how to help him. This is what we are supposed to do as parents anyways. And I mentioned this before, it’s also helped us in how we have been raising our daughter, as well.

Aliw: You both talked about how autism has helped your communication with your spouses, has helped you be more aware in using the right words, and you know, energy and empathy with your child, so how would you say your journey has also changed your relationship with God?

Mike: Our prayers have to shift. Even though God knows exactly what we’re thinking, but to take what’s so deep in your heart, and to just lay that out for God to receive? I think that’s another big change. Being a man, if you’re going to be emotionally accessible for your family, all the more you have to be that way to God. As a Christian dad, everything that I do, everything that I say, every mistake that I make, is going to impact my entire family. So what are you going to do? You can’t get them to salvation if you don’t keep working on your relationship with God. Because you’re accountable to Him for the sake of your family.

Jay: I don’t want to say that I wasn’t as trusting before. But I feel like I’m trusting even more to God’s plan. As long as we have our complete trust in our Almighty God, and we remain faithful, we have our prayers, and we continue our, you know, our devoted services to Him, He’s going to take care of us, He’s going to take care of Layna. 

Mike: We continue to grow in our prayers. The thing is, though, we can’t stop serving Him. And you know, and over the last couple of years, and in part of the needs of our local congregation because of this pandemic is, you know, I just felt encouraged to do more to help out my local congregation as well. God’s given you so much, what can you do more for him as well?

Jay: That’s another thing I just realized also. You’d think that someone who’s just found out that their only child has been diagnosed with autism, and the challenges that’s presented in front of you, you’d think that oh, they won’t have time to take up any more duties. And for both Gem and myself, we’ve actually taken up extra duties in, not only in our local congregation, but also for our district.

Aliw: Thank you both. Thank you so much. My kids are older, but I’ve learned a lot from what you both have shared, and I think that there’s so many parents that can really learn a lot from this, whether or not they have children on the spectrum. So, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing your heart. And thank you for trusting, Making Changes to tell your story. 

We’re glad to have been able to help you with your therapy and you will be getting the bill in your email. I’m just kidding. Thank you guys. 

Jay: Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Aliw.

Mike: Thank you so much. Thank you.

Aliw: Hope you both get some sleep!

Aliw: Special thanks to  Mike and Jay  for taking the time to share their stories and life lessons with us. And if you found value in what you heard today, please share it with a friend or a dad who may be experiencing what Mike and Jay are going through. And we’d greatly appreciate it if you can leave a review on wherever platform you’re listening from. Be sure to subscribe to Making Changes to stay up to date with new episodes.  For more inspiring content or to learn more about the Iglesia Ni Cristo Church Of Christ, log on to incmedia.org or download the INC Media app. 

Thanks for listening. And may your change uplift you. 

Posted in Common Problems, Making Changes, Making Changes, Prayer

Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs

Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs
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A very young newlywed couple, Kegan and Ailafaye, are learning about married life while chasing their dream to become successful entrepreneurs.


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Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: They say that compared to older generations, young people can be very optimistic. They’re full of energy and often come up with fresh ideas because they aren’t always set in their ways. What does this have to do with today’s topic? Stay tuned and find out. 

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: The willingness of the youth to try new things, coupled with their ability to quickly adapt to new technologies, make them natural leaders in the ever-developing small business climate. Our newlywed couple today are really quite young, but they’re also aspiring entrepreneurs. Let’s welcome Kegan and Ailafaye to Happy Life. Hello, you two.

Kegan and Ailafaye Baker: Hello!

Myrtle: Both of you are still quite young. What made you decide that this is the right time to get married, and would you mind telling us how old you both are?

Kegan Baker: We’re both 21 and we started dating when we were 18. Her parents were very strict. They had a lot of rules. We wanted to gain their trust. We had to be home at a certain time, very early in the night, like eight o’clock. We would rush home at like 6:30. We were like, “Oh we gotta get home. We don’t want to get her parents to be mad at us. And we wanted to avoid temptations and to be careful. 

We saw, like, a lot of people our age going out and doing things that weren’t necessarily appropriate for Church Of Christ members, especially like later on in the night they’d go clubbing and things like that, or they’d go travel together and they’re not married. And we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, because we are members of the Church [Of Christ]. We want God’s blessing in everything that we do. 

We wanted to also go and travel the world together, to embark on a new journey, and get to know each other better. So, that’s why we decided to get married so early on, and we wanted to just start our lives together.

Ailafaye Baker: Aside from my parents, we had a lot of help from the brethren within the Church. One of the brethren was Brother Ricky Bravo, who’s a minister in the Church Of Christ, and his wife, Sister May Bravo. So we would go over there for dinner, and they are a couple that we really really trust because, truthfully, they remind us a lot about ourselves. They shared stories with us that they’re actually the opposite of us. Sister May and Brother Ricky Bravo, they got married later on in life, and she actually shared with me that they got criticized for being a lot older. 

They always had their home open for us whenever we needed any type of guidance. That’s why we developed a good relationship with them. Since he’s a minister in the Church, we would always be comfortable enough to ask him questions and advice. He would share [with] us the words of Almighty God and counsel us when we had problems.

Myrtle: So did you find that people questioned your decision to get married so young?

Ailafaye: A lot of people actually did question our decision to get married young. A lot of people would ask us why. “Why would you get married so young?” “There’s a lot to live for.” “There’s a lot out there to do.” “You’re still in college,” or “That person is holding you back.” But I think the easiest way to put it is that you love this person, and you trust this person, and you build a relationship with them. 

A lot of people assumed I was pregnant, and that was the main reason why we would be getting married. And it hurt my emotions a lot, because I had to have this negative reason to be marrying him. Sometimes, because I’m a human, it would get to me. When you hear the words of other people you start to question yourself, but only you know the truth. We know what’s true. And we trusted in God to get rid of those rumors actually. 

My mom, I came to her for guidance. I asked her, “Mom, there’s a lot of people saying these things about me.” And she told me to be more prayerful, and to ignore them, and that God knows what’s true. “Anywhere you go,” she always told me this, she said, “even if I’m not watching you, God is always watching you.” We didn’t let what others said hurt us. We just became more prayerful. It actually strengthened our faith [in] God. We just took all the negative and basically wanted to show everyone that through faith anything is possible.

Myrtle: And, Kegan, Ailafaye said that you two knew the truth and, you know, of course God knows the truth. How important was it to have your family’s support as well?

Kegan: It was very important, but it was really harder for me because I had just become, you know, newly [baptized] in the Church, and they had just met her. They didn’t really believe in the same things we believe. But praise be to God that my mom and my stepdad are now in the Church. 

Myrtle: Aww!

Kegan: Yeah.

Myrtle: Congrats! That’s awesome.

Kegan: It was really, really important that I had her parents’ blessing, which is why I bought a house so early on in my life is I saved every penny I made working, because I didn’t want to marry her and not have anything for her. I didn’t want to live on the streets with her being married, you know?

Myrtle: You said that it was important for you to have her family’s support. So, you know, how did you get them, I guess, to come around to the idea of you two getting married so young?

Kegan: A lot of prayer, a lot of going to devotional prayers, talking with them, them getting to know me more. Our families really championed us because they wanted the best for us. Even though we were young they were like, “You guys have a bright future. We want to see you do the things that you want in this life, just as long as they are in accordance with God’s will.

Myrtle: That’s great advice. And you know, with marriage, there are a lot of adjustments and challenges and that might be extra difficult for a couple so young. So I was wondering, what inspired you to start your own business at this stage in your life?

Kegan: I have always had a passion for food. I love cooking. I started cooking when I was 14 in restaurants. That was my first cooking job ever. I’ve always been very ambitious. In culinary, I’ve watched, nonstop studied, practiced all the time. I’d buy, like, bags of potatoes and just practice knife cuts. 

But my wife is the main reason I started this business. She always believed in what I can do. She always showed that she really cared about my passions and stuff. My mom, she started a Hawaiian shave ice truck, and she told me how hard it was to start. And she kind of helped guide me. I’m Hawaiian and Filipino. I’ve always loved just cooking. So my goal is to showcase my talents and my family’s culture. Growing up, I didn’t learn about my cultures that much, because we lived separated from my grandparents on both sides.

Myrtle: So what do you love about, you know, the Hawaiian culture and cuisine?

Kegan: I love just the different flavors and how they’re so different. Filipino food is like more, you know, vinegar, black pepper and all that stuff. And then Hawaiian food is a little more sweet and then when you have them together, it’s just so good. 

I want to bring my family’s culture and my food to the people of Orlando, because there’s not that many easily accessible foods, for people who are from the Philippines or from Hawaii, here. They’re always like, “Oh, there’s never any good places around here.” They’re all mixed or not authentic and it’s hard for them. I want to support the needs of my family, my wife, and then I want to also be able to give back to the Church.

Myrtle: So you said you started pretty much cooking when you were 14. You know, how else did you kind of add to your culinary skills and how did you continue to learn?

Kegan: I did a lot of reading, a lot of watching people. And then, since I was in restaurants a lot of chefs helped me to develop my skills, as well as my own mom, and my wife’s family as well. They were kind of the harshest critics, but they always did it with love and helped me to become the best chef version of myself.

Myrtle: What do you love about that, Ailafaye, that he’s such a good chef?

Ailafaye: I think the best thing about that is that, like he said, my family is the greatest critic. So, a lot of that comes from how strict they are. So,when it comes to food, we’re from Pampanga, which is the food capital of the Philippines. So, my dad takes a lot of pride in his cooking, because that’s how my grandmother took care of them when they were younger. So, when they would criticize him about even, like, how he chops the food, or how the flavor of the food is, it has to be spot on. 

And he was surprised, because of how critical my family is, that he started to develop in a way that, like, I thought he would be offended. But instead he grew to challenge himself, and he got over every obstacle. Sometimes my dad would be so mean, that he would need to take a moment, go to the room and pray, and then come back and try again. So, him being able to take criticism, and basically taking it as a way to better himself in his cooking, was what makes him a best chef for me.

Myrtle: Oh, well good on you, Kegan. You’re growing a tough skin at a young age, you know, and I think that’s really needed in any kind of industry where you’re really trying to go after your dreams. People are going to criticize you, people are going to pretty much try to pull you down, but you’ve just gotta keep going. Right? I mean, you’ve got the support of your family, and your wife, and you’ve got God. So, just keep praying about it. 

So, how did you prepare yourselves to become entrepreneurs? You know, what kind of research did you carry out to see if launching a business would even be feasible?

Kegan: I did a lot of research, countless hours of just looking at, you know, how this can be done. There [were] a lot of permits that we had to get done, a lot of licensing, especially in America. You’ve got to go through the proper channels and the proper laws to be able to, you know, sell food. 

I worked at five restaurants. Two of them were Italian restaurants, one of them was number one in Orlando at one point when I was working there. So about seven years, give or take, in the restaurant industry. There were a lot of chefs who tried to mentor me, but there was also a lot that tried to hinder me from learning, or becoming better, because they were afraid that I was going to be better than them. 

We did devotional prayers every single night. Am I going to quit my job to do this? I don’t know what I’m going to do. There were a lot of things that happened where, like, I don’t know how we’re going to get through this and then we prayed. And then somehow it got resolved. Even when I feel I don’t have enough knowledge or skills, I turn to God for the answers.

Myrtle: And He definitely has all the answers. 

Let’s also hear some biblical advice about our topic today. Right now, let’s welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar! We’re glad you’re joining us again on Happy Life. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, everybody. Now, if I’m not mistaken, Kegan and Aila, you have actually set the record for being the youngest newlywed couple, so far, on the show. And at 21 years old, currently, the both of you, I don’t know if anyone will top that, not that it’s a competition or anything like that. 

So I actually want to zero in on what you mentioned earlier about wanting to avoid temptations and be careful. Of course in courtship, after getting to know someone, you develop very strong feelings that would turn into love for one another. But during this development and early stage, the risk of falling into temptation may arise. But we never want to be defeated by temptation, because that leads to sin, and sin leads to God’s anger. And if you make God angry, well, then how can you expect Him to bless your dreams, or help you succeed as an entrepreneur, or flourish as a married couple? 

So, having said that, the question now is this: “What temptation should be avoided by a man and woman who are in courtship or engaged?” They should avoid committing premarital sex. Why? Because sex is a blessing that is reserved for married couples. First off, what’s the proof that sex is a blessing from God? Let’s turn to the book of Genesis, chapter 2, and the verse is 24, in the New King James Version:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

[Genesis 2:24 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Therefore, based on the Bible, sex itself is not something impure. It is pure, because it is from God. But for whom is this blessing reserved? For a husband and wife, a man and woman who have been joined together in holy matrimony. And what should attract husband and wife to each other in sex? Let’s go to I John, chapter four, verse seven:

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 

[I John 4:7 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Sex should be motivated by love, the blessing of love that God has formed and developed between husband and wife for each other. Sex is an expression of love to the spouse that God has blessed you to have. Take note: This expression of love should not be one sided. Both husband and wife should give themselves to each other out of their love for each other. However, if someone were to take sex outside of true marriage, what would happen? This is what the Bible teaches in I Corinthians this time, chapter six, the verses are nine to 10:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

[1 Corinthians 6:9-10 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: What are examples of sex outside of true marriage? According to the Bible, fornication, or premarital sex. What else? Adultery, having sex with another person who is not your spouse. What else? Homosexuality, men having sex with other men, or women having sex with other women. What does the Bible say about adultery, fornication, and homosexuality? These are unrighteous. What will befall those who practice unrighteous deeds? They will not inherit the kingdom of God. They will not receive God’s graces in this life, and more so in the life to come. 

Therefore, to everyone who’s tuning in, take note: When others engage in premarital sex, they are ruining the potential of God’s blessings in their life. Premarital sex is in violation of God’s design of love and marriage between a man and woman. That’s why in the Iglesia Ni Cristo, the Church Of Christ, that we’re members of, from our Bible studies on doctrines, to worship service lessons, to initiatives of the Church through the CFO, or Christian family organizations, and even to podcasts like this of the Church, under INC Media, what is it that we are molded to do? Live in righteousness or holiness and not unrighteous deeds. 

So, we’re all aware that there’s pressure in various circles of society to go along with premarital sex or fornication, especially for those in your age bracket, Kegan and Aila. So, if you don’t mind sharing with everybody, what helped the two of you to stand your ground, all this time, in our Christian values? Maybe if we could start with Aila.

Ailafaye: So, what helped me stand my ground in our Christian values is my relationship with my parents. My mom and my dad both led me to have a stronger faith with God. My mom always had a good relationship with me. She taught me, from a very young age, how powerful it is to pray when times get difficult. Being honest with your parents is so important, especially even when you get into a relationship. Because when you get into a relationship, it’s something new. There are a lot of things that I’m experiencing now that I look to my mom and my dad for guidance. Like, I never knew this before. My mom had always guided me in a way where I would see my parents with arguments, they would end it with prayer. So to help me stand in my Christian values is my relationship with my parents, in teaching me the importance of having our faith with our marriage.

Kegan: So, what helped me in standing my ground in my Christian values is being honest with the people around me. Telling people, “Oh, I don’t do specific things, because I’m a member of the Church. I don’t go out drinking. I don’t do this.” Even to friends, I found it was better to tell your friends and have no friends after they, like, leave you or whatever, than have bad friends who try to influence you to be of the world and to do all the bad things that they’re doing. Those obviously not members of the Church Of Christ, and they don’t know, like, the proper way to serve God. So, that obedience to God was the most important thing to me.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you very much, to the both of you, for sharing that.  Communicating well with our parents, and communicating well with our friends and peers, right, helping them understand our beliefs—two great ways to ensure that we remain in our Christian values, no matter what society or the culture around us may do or say. 

Alright, last follow up question for today: “Do you really think it makes all the difference to stay faithful to God’s design of marriage?”I guess what I’m asking is, by staying loyal to our Bible-based teachings in the Church, what do you believe this will do for your life and future together?

Kegan: It really makes a difference, because we followed God’s design for marriage, the aspect that we didn’t live-in together. We didn’t cohabitate and live in the same place. 

And we went through the Bible lessons for marriage that taught us how important it was to, like, love each other and to care for one another, and to always respect one another. And those lessons really helped cement our marriage and our faith. Always choosing what God wants for you is always the right choice, because He knows what your future has in store. No one else knows that, not even you as a person knows that. God is who can help guide us in everything that we do.

Ailafaye: We believe to always follow in God’s teachings because, honestly, when you’re married you go through so many problems and difficulties. And a lot of the things that we learned through the counseling within the Church, and the teachings of marriage in the Church, has helped us get through and navigate throughout our lives as a married couple. And God will bless you if you do the right things. And that’s so important, especially with our business is that we know that if we are always obedient with God and following His teachings, then any trials and difficulties that happen to us, we can get through because we have the power to call upon Him in any problems that we may go through.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Okay. Thank you very much, Aila and Kegan, very well said. Thank you for your sincerity and your honesty in sharing with us what you have been through and the conviction that has resulted from staying true to our Bible-based teachings, you know, in spite of what the people around us or what society may say or think.

Again, like what you mentioned and what is based on the Holy Scriptures, when we choose to remain faithful to God, when we choose to make God happy, the blessings will make all the difference when it comes to not only your marriage, but also your dreams, also your ambitions in this life. So, we pray for your continued success and may God continue to bless all of the married couples out there.

Myrtle: Thank you for those Bible verses, Brother Felmar. We’re glad you’re here with us on Happy Life again to help all the married couples.

So, Kegan and Ailafaye, what would you say was the most challenging thing you faced trying to get your business off the ground?

Kegan: The most challenging things we found were, you know, trying to juggle married life as newlyweds and trying to start our business at the same time. We barely had time for each other with all of our duties. We’re trying to become deacon and deaconess [in] the Church. And I also [am] aspiring to be a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher in the Church. So I had a lot of things going on and so did she, because she was a choir member. Now she’s going to be a deaconess. 

Ailafaye: I agree with that. Honestly, when he said he wanted to start a new business I was afraid. I was really scared, because it’s a new thing. It’s something that you’re not familiar with. And similarly enough, we had to go through the challenges of being newlyweds as well as going through the challenges of having a new business, without knowing how to start up a new business. We were basically just relying on God to show us the way. 

There’s a lot of times where life gets really hard, and in our wedding speech we were like, “Oh, it’s going to be so much fun because we get to travel and we get to have fun,” and then truthfully you’re hit with the fact that no, there’s bills now. You can’t travel, and that’s the reality. It’s not going to always be like how you see it in movies, that it’s going to be happy all the time. Sometimes it’s just having dinner together. You take moments like that, and being there and having your partner with you when you’re having a difficult time, having him remind me that, “It’s okay! We will get through this. Let’s just close our eyes. We’ll pray. We’ll get through this problem together.”

Myrtle: But you know in marriage now, and in your business aspirations, what do you pray for? 

Kegan: So we pray for, obviously our business, that we are successful in that endeavor that we have. But we also pray that we stay united as a couple, and really fight for our faith, and never lose sight of what is most important to us, which is God. We also pray for our parents, because we see that they’re getting older and we have less and less time with them. Because we’re starting these businesses, getting to know what married life is like, we pray that God protects them as well as us. And then I pray for my family who isn’t in the Church yet. Even my immediate family, like my brother and my sister that aren’t in the Church yet, I always constantly pray that God will guide them to it.

Ailafaye: As husband and wife, of course it’s praying for the peace in our household. We pray that we can get the mindset and to be prepared for whatever comes our way, [and] to always love one another because that’s a big one. We also pray that we always have everything that we need in our life, and that I hope that God will prepare us one day to be parents, but of course in His timing. We’re not in a rush for that. We’d like to really enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other more.

Myrtle: Now, you know, you’re both members of the Church Of Christ. So how does having the same faith help you as newlyweds and in business planning? 

Ailafaye: It’s really helped me a lot. I really can’t even imagine life without being a member of the Church Of Christ. We would always call Brother Ricky (Bravo) and say, “Hey, Brother Ricky, could we please hold a devotional prayer in the chapel?” Every morning, we would go rush over to the chapel. Things that are difficult to talk about, we tell God. Like they say during worship service, before you even let the words come out of your mouth, God already knows and God already has a solution for your problem. 

Kegan: Right as soon as I started the business, I was like, “There’s no way, no way I’m going to be able to do this. I’m 21, I just got married, I’ve got all these bills. I don’t know what to do. And then I’d go and I’d pray, like, crying before God because I didn’t want to cry in front of my wife. Even though she’s your partner, you can’t express all those emotions out to her, but you know you can do it to God. My wife is the real reason why I keep pushing. Whenever I’m sad or anything, she’ll tell me, “Go pray. Go take a break. And remember that God is with you, and always put your trust and be patient.”

Myrtle: I couldn’t agree more with what Ailafaye advised you. 

If you have any helpful advice to share with other young couples, you know, those who are at the right age, are financially stable, they’re mature in their faith, and also have their parents’ approval, and they’re thinking about marriage, what would you say to them? 

Kegan: I would say what a minister of the Church Of Christ told me is, “Just do it. Go for it. What do you have to lose? Life on this earth is only temporary and as long as you do what God is asking you to do, and what is right before Him, He will bless you, and your future, and your family.” I would like to add, it’s difficult but worth it. There are a lot of times where you’re arguing, but at the end of the day you come together, before you go to bed, you don’t stay angry at each other, and you pray. 

If you’re thinking of marriage, hopefully that means you found the person you’re meant to be with. But you’ve got to always, you know, add that into your prayers. “God is this who I’m supposed to be with? Is this the person that’s right for me?” And why wait till you’re old. Why wait 10, 15 years, 20 years, down the road to be like, “I’m going to marry this person.” Also pray that God will guide your decisions. 

Myrtle: As young newlyweds, what are your hopes for the future? 

Ailafaye: Truthfully, we just hope for a really bright future, because we don’t know what’s ahead of us. Like he said, you don’t know what’s going to happen five minutes from now, maybe even five years from now. You just have to be more prayerful about that stuff, because God already knows before you know. We also pray for success in our business, because truthfully our business is what provides for our family. We always want peace in serving God as well. 

Kegan: Our hopes, as newlyweds, for the future is to be able to provide a good life for our kids with peace in our household, with love from one another and care in our families. And to achieve any goal that we decide to reach for, if it’s God’s will, we pray for success and we will achieve it. 

Myrtle: You know, for a couple that is so young, those are such positive outlooks and I agree that continuing to put your faith and trust in God, while also continuing to serve Him, is the key. 

So, Ailafaye and Kegan, thank you so much for joining us on Happy Life today and for sharing what, you know, newlywed life is like at such a young age and for also sharing what it’s been like trying to start your business. 

Ailafaye: Thank you so much. 

Kegan: Thank you for having us. 

Myrtle: Starting your own business comes with its own challenges and demands, and becoming entrepreneurs, while also being very young newlyweds, can be difficult too. Making good decisions, regarding your marriage and your business, can only be done with the guidance of God by putting your utmost trust in Him.

And that brings us to the end of today’s episode. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. 

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. 

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Happy Life, Happy Life, Podcast, Prayer

Expressions of Gratitude

Expressions of Gratitude
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It’s our host, Aliw’s turn to say thank you to someone who introduced her to musicals which her whole family has grown to love and enjoy, plus, we’ll hear other thank you messages from people who have been recipients of human kindness.


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Making Changes: Expressions of Gratitude

Aliw Pablo: Hi, Tita Bong, how are you?

Tita Bong: I’m fine, Aliw. Thanks for having me.

Aliw Pablo: Yes, you’re so welcome. We invited you today because nearly 30 years ago, you did something for us. And it was so simple. I’m sure you never even thought about it.

Tita Bong: That’s way too long ago. That’s a long time and you think at my age I’ll remember that, right?

Aliw Pablo: From INC Media Audio, this is Making Changes, a podcast about the changes we go through, and the life lessons we learn along the way, but always with God by our side. I’m your host, Aliw Garcia, Pablo. 

Aliw Pablo: Today, we’re continuing our Thank You Series, which are surprised calls to people who have made a positive change in someone’s life. It’s simply a chance to say thank you. 

Aliw Pablo: And this time, it’s my turn to show my gratitude. Today, I get to thank someone who was responsible for my love for Broadway musicals. Okay, but first, let’s set the record straight. I can’t sing. But you know, there is something about watching live stage musicals. It’s the stories, it’s the writing, it’s the music. It’s really storytelling at its finest. And my husband, Jason, I mean, I would, we would have never discovered our love for stage musicals together, and passed it over to our kids, if it wasn’t for this person you’re about to meet. And all this because of our aunt Eva, or who we fondly call Tita Bong. Come meet her! 

Aliw Pablo: Theatre for stage musicals. Do you remember what year that was…kind of?

Tita Bong: Oh my gosh, what show was it?

Aliw Pablo: It was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I think it was 1993, 94 was definitely mid-90’s. And I was in college, I think at the time and you know, and we had never, you know, Joy, and I, you know, my sister, we’ve never really been exposed to musicals, or live stage or anything. And I remember you asked us, Hey, do you guys want to go usher and we’re like, usher? Oh, sure. And, you know, you even allowed us to bring our friends. You allowed us to invite their friends. It was all free.

Aliw Pablo: So Tita Bong was a paid staff Usher at the theaters here in San Francisco. And when they were short staffed, they were allowed to invite volunteer ushers, and all we had to do was pass out playbills and show people to their seats. And once the show started, whatever empty seats there were, it was ours.

Aliw Pablo: But you exposed us to musical theater that I don’t think we would have ever been exposed to. I mean, Filipino parents don’t necessarily encourage their kids to go watch musical theater. But it’s something that, you know, Jason and I, we both really loved it. It was our first time seeing any kind of musical theater, we pass it down to our kids. And now that the Church has lots of stage musicals. I really believe that that’s why our kids are so excited every time there’s stage productions in the church, because we had exposed them to musical theater. And it’s all because you had exposed us to musical theater. So 30 plus years later, Tita Bong I just wanted to say ‘thank you’ for that.

Tita Bong: Oh, my goodness, you’re most welcome. I haven’t done it. I mean, that was back in. I started back in 1981. ‘81 was when I first started at the theater and like you for an initial introduction like that, I was hooked also. 

Aliw Pablo: Right. What was your first musical?

Tita Bong: My very first musical, which I did not usher, but I was exposed to was the… I was in London on a training program. I was brought to… we were brought to see Fiddler on the Roof in London. 

Aliw Pablo: Fiddler on the Roof. That was your musical.

Tita Bong: Yes. That was my very first musical introduction to the theater. I mean, and from that day forward, I mean, just like you, I was hooked. But I started ushering at the Theater in San Francisco in 1981. I lived in a residential hall close to the theater and one day my friend said that there was an announcement about the theater next door, which is that the Golden Gate Theatre was looking for ushers. I said, usher? Okay, so usher.  When I got to the theater, jeez, I saw the theater– huge.

Aliw Pablo: Yes, it doesn’t look much from the outside, but when you go in? 

Tita Bong: Yes, it was huge. 

Aliw Pablo: What’s amazing for me is being able to see what they can, how in two hours, they can tell a story that transcends time, in a small stage. And yet you’re basically, you know, run back in time transformed and the storytelling and the music, right? And it’s just you’re enthralled as you’re watching it versus watching it on the screen. For you, what has it been? How have you been able to have such a love affair with stage musicals all these years? From Fiddler on the Roof. You know, starting from the late 60s.

Tita Bong: Yes, that was. I love music. I mean, I love music, I am happy to sing. I play the guitar. Well, I played the guitar. So I really like music. And it’s just amazing how those characters come alive on stage. It’s just the things that they do on stage and backstage. It’s just amazing.

Aliw Pablo: For as long as I know Tita Bong, she’s always worked at the theater. But this was the first time I heard about all the famous people she’s met who’ve come to see the shows. 

Aliw Pablo: So I’m sure you’ve seen all sorts of different things. You know, having worked in the theaters for 40 years or so. Have there been any interesting instances you’ve had with different people, maybe even famous people?

Tita Bong: Yes, yes. There was one I was… I was ushering in the orchestra in the middle of a row. I saw Robin Williams. 

Aliw Pablo: Wow. 

Tita Bong: And I saw Oh, Robin Williams! And Robin, just instantly said, ssssh, you know, motion to me to be quiet. Oh, and one person that really left a good impact on us, the ushers, specifically, was Lena Horne. Lena Horme made it a point to give us each an autographed picture of all the ushers. We asked why, why of all the people and we learned that she was an usher when she was, before she was a big star.

Aliw Pablo: Big actress, yes. That’s so sweet.

Tita Bong: So she had this special place in our hearts for ushers.

Aliw Pablo: And also, I kind of want to just pivot to how you know, when I started watching musical theater, you know, there wasn’t anything like that, really, at the time in the church. I remember the very first any kind of stage musical type that we got to see here was a 30th anniversary, which was in 1998. 

Tita Bong: Right. I remember that. 

Aliw Pablo: So that was a big deal. That was a big deal, right in 1998 for the Church to be able to rent this huge I think it was the San Jose Convention Center. That was the first time that we rented a venue that big for us to put our own show, ‘98. And now, my kids, they’re always in stage productions of the Church’s. What can you say about just how music has evolved in the Church, but specifically, stage productions in general in the Church from the time when you were growing up in the Church to when I was growing up to how it is now you know in 2022 or in the 2020s?

Tita Bong: Yes, I mean, in fact, I was so impressed. I think the first time I saw it I was watching the productions of the Church. Now I said, wow, we’ve really evolved because I think during our time, we even had to rework only presenting Filipino folk dance. Yes, so I think eventually when I saw that it was starting to have all these new songs. Some of them were even written by the kids, the brethren now. I was impressed. I was so impressed.

Aliw Pablo: At this point in our conversation, we’re able to reflect on how far musical production has come in the Church Of Christ. And I’m so glad that my kids are able to be part of all these amazing creative projects.. 

(song lyrics)”…please send us a Minister to teach us. Who can lead us in our name…”

Aliw Pablo: I know, in the Philippines, they’ve done, you know, productions like that already in the arena with the orchestra playing as a full on musical on any of their stages much bigger in the arena, right? Then, for example, in the theaters here, and here, you know, it’s now they think about it, the very first musical we had here in the States was 30 years in the West, which was in 1998 and I did the video directing for it. And I have to say, had you not exposed us to musicals in 1993, if I hadn’t seen those musicals beforehand, it would have been really scary. And then fast forward to the 50 years in the West, which we had here, just, you know, four years ago now.

…give me patience to wait for you to act, the right to fight for the faith…

Aliw Pablo: It has really helped a tremendous deal in being prepared for, you know, video directing those types of productions.

Tita Bong: Yes. And I think it’s the exposure, the exposure to such productions that produces also the interest in the youth to create their own musicals, you know, and I’ve also seen how the Church’s orchestra?

Aliw Pablo: Yes. Yes. 

Tita Bong: That is so impressive. We have so many talented musicians in the church, when I saw that…

Aliw Pablo: Oratorio 

Tita Bong: Yes, I saw that. Oh, wow.

Aliw Pablo: And we had that in the Philippines in the arena. But the one in New York, we just had one a few years ago in New York.

[oratorio bit]

Aliw Pablo: You know, it’s really amazing, right? How far music transcends all generations and, you know, thank God that we’re doing the same thing and exposing our youth to those types of productions. 

Aliw Pablo: But just, I just wanted to say thank you, Tita Bong for walking down memory lane with me today. And I, you know, I know I’ve said thanks before, but I wanted to publicly thank you for being here. 

Tita Bong: My pleasure. 

Aliw Pablo: The impact, and really the change in us being exposed to musical theater in a way that we would have never been exposed to had it not been for you back in the nineties.

Tita Bong: I’m glad I made an impact on you. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it, too.

Aliw Pablo: I want to entitle this episode as Thank You for the Music.  But thank you. 

Tita Bong: Thank you. 

Aliw Pablo: We’ll see you soon. We’ll see you soon.

Aliw Pablo: Special thanks to my aunt Eva, or Tita Bong as we call her. And I’m glad that 30 years later, I’ve been able to not just say thanks, but to really reflect on the huge impact that her one gesture from decades ago has had on my life. And we’ve all had those moments, you know, where someone does something kind for us that we never forget. But sometimes we don’t always get to see that person again to say thank you. So here are a few stories from our team here at INC Media Studios, and the people they’d like to thank for changing their lives.

Michelle: I want to say thanks to Miss Nancy Ecker. She was one of my English teachers in high school. And she was a fantastic teacher who made books come alive for me, as nerdy as that sounds. But I remember when I was in grade 11, she would recommend these books for me to read. During winter breaks and spring breaks. She would lend me these books from the book room. And they were just books that helped me as a teenager. You know, I was going through a lot of like, teenager stuff at that time, very angsty. And those books kind of helped me deal and understand what I was going through. And she was also really encouraging when it came to my writing. She was very supportive and really encouraged me to pursue literature and writing post high school right after high school. And I took a few detours. But, you know, I eventually ended up here and INC Media, telling stories, connecting people with stories and writing about what matters most to me. So thank you, Miss Acker. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for being such an amazing teacher and leaving that mark with me. Up to this point, thank you.

Renezen: I want to say thank you to a wonderful stranger named Adriana from Petaluma, California. I wanted to thank her for the kindness she showed me on October 13, 2001. I was at the San Francisco International Airport when I got the news that my dad had passed away from a sudden heart attack. I was stunned and in shock, did I yell out,did I cry. I’m not really sure. To be honest, the details are a blur to me. But what I do remember is Adriana walking over to talk to me, she must have heard or seen my distress. And instead of turning away she came over and introduced herself. She asked me questions about what happened, where I was from and told me she was from Petaluma. She stayed with me until it was time for me to board my flight home. That was the last time I saw her. I think about that moment from time to time, and of the kindness and warmth she showed me at that moment. I hope one day I can thank her in person, but this will have to do for now. Thank you Adriana.

JJ: I would like to thank my high school teacher, Mr. Green, he was actually my teacher for computer science and computer engineering. And back in those classes, he would actually enroll the students in the class in competitions for computer programming, robotics. The way he would help us and teach us approaching these competitions was how to tackle problems differently. He was very encouraging for us to find the solution now in our own ways. He really sparked in us the ability to search for ourselves instead of providing answers for us. And it really helped me in my way of looking for solutions to problems and problem solving.

Christine: I’d like to thank Emma Solberg and her family. I met Emma Solberg in junior high. And her family would take Emma’s classmates, including myself, to different trips up and down the East Coast, for art galleries, for museums, and also to Shakespeare festivals. And that opened up to me the world of you know, literature and the arts. And that’s what I think pushed me to become a film studies major, and make the arts part of my career.

Brother Joe: I wanted to say thank you to Miss Taffy Patton, an elementary school teacher whom I had long ago. She helped to spark in me a love of learning that continues to this day. She helped to nurture my creativity. And I can honestly say that her genuine concern and personal approach to teaching, would help to inspire me to also take that path that led me to becoming first children’s worship service teacher as a teenager, and now minister of the gospel. She was more than just a teacher. She was a great mentor, and a great friend. And her enthusiasm for guiding her students towards not just understanding the material, but in achieving excellence is one which all teachers, whatever subject they happen to teach, can learn from. I know that I certainly have. And so thank you so much Miss Patton, for everything that you’ve done. For your great influence in my life, and in the lives of many students who have been truly blessed and fortunate to have encountered you in their studies.

Aliw Pablo: Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories of change and gratitude. Now is there someone that has made a huge impact in your life that you’d like to thank? We’d love to hear from you. Send us a direct message on our Instagram account at Making Changes Podcasts. And we’d love to try and connect you with an old friend, classmate, mentor or anyone who you want to thank. So if you found value in what you heard today, be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you’ll always be up to date with the latest episodes. While you’re at it, feel free to leave us a review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks for listening, and may your change uplift you.

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Making Changes, Making Changes

Cross Border Love During A Pandemic

Cross Border Love During A Pandemic
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Zachary and Isabelle are a long-distance and cross-border relationship success story! Find out how Zach, from Canada, found himself moving thousands of miles away to marry Issy, the missing puzzle piece that completed him.


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Cross Border Love During a Pandemic

[Show Opens]

Myrtle Alegado: With today’s technology the world doesn’t seem so large, and we can easily connect with friends and family. It has even made it easier to find a romantic love interest across borders, or even across the world, and stay in a long-distance relationship. We’ll discuss more about this in our episode today.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: Our newlyweds, for this Happy Life episode, are a long-distance, cross border, transnational love story success! Zachary is originally from Toronto, Canada, and Isabelle is from the Bay Area of Northern California.

Thanks for agreeing to chat with us today on Happy Life, Zach and Isabelle.

Zachary Sese: Hello, Myrtle. Hello, everyone. Thank you.

Isabelle Sese: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Myrtle: So how was your day today?

Zachary: Not bad. We’re here traveling towards an area in Wyoming, a long drive.

Isabelle: Yeah, it was a long drive. This is our seventh state in the past seven days.

Zachary: We’ve traveled seven states in seven days, yeah.

Myrtle: Wow! Well, we appreciate that you’re joining us today, despite your traveling, and despite all the distance that you’ve logged on your car probably.

So we’ve had a lot of previous Happy Life guests who were also in long-distance relationships before marriage, but we haven’t really discussed, in depth, the challenges of being in one. Why don’t you two share how you met, and how you got engaged, and of course eventually married.

Zachary: Before we were married, we were actually both District KADIWA presidents. It’s an organization in the Church Of Christ for the youth that’s aged 18 and up who aren’t married. In 2018, we had a KadCon. This is a conference for those members within that organization. I was actually District KADIWA vice president at the time. Part of this activity is that we recorded something with KADIWA officers all across North America, and these videos would be shown to every local [congregation] across the world.

Through these videos, that’s where I actually noticed Isabelle in one of the videos. I guess she definitely caught my eye. I started to like her from those videos. So, I guess you could say I was a fan of her, but I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought she was cute, she was pretty. And it turned out that Isabelle had actually visited Toronto recently to attend a wedding, and the friend that I mentioned to had actually met Isabelle. So yes, it was actually interesting. We actually had mutual friends already.

Myrtle: That’s so cool.

Isabelle: Yeah, so two months after that KadCon, late 2018 so probably late December and even early January 2019, the friend that Zach told that I was cute, shout out to Chryselle, she actually messaged me. She said that she had friends who were visiting the Bay Area for vacation. So she asked if I could meet up with them and tour them around. Then she eventually gave me Zach’s contact information.

So when I did reach out to Zach, I asked him for his itinerary, when they were planning to be visiting. But when I found out the dates he was visiting the Bay Area, it just so happened that I was going to be in the Philippines, so we didn’t actually get to meet in person. But we did start messaging on Telegram starting from then.

Zachary: Based on that, when we started messaging, I personally thought that she had no idea I was interested in her. I thought I was playing my cards right.

Myrtle: Playing it cool?

Zachary: Yeah [laughs], but we just kept talking and sending video messages to each other. And it was when she got back to California, after her trip, we started to video chat with one another, and then in January or February 2019 I finally told her that I liked her. And then from there, she mentioned, “Hey, you know, you’ve got to ask my parents.”

So in April 2019, so just a few months after, when I was able to get enough vacation days, I flew to California and asked her parents if I could officially court her. And then, thankfully, we got engaged two years later in June of 2021. Actually, I wanted it to be sooner. I wanted to propose, actually, the year before that. But because of COVID-19, the restrictions were really tough. So, I was just waiting for that one opportunity to just be able to fly.And then we ended up getting married in January 2022.

Myrtle: Yeah, that darn COVID.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah.

Myrtle: You know, if anything, it kind of taught us patience a little bit didn’t it?

Zachary: Yeah. [laughs]

Isabelle: It definitely did.

Myrtle: Well, that was kind of a whirlwind, you know, relationship from 2019 to getting married in 2021. What were the biggest challenges in having a cross-border long-distance relationship or, you know, what people call LDR?

Zachary: See, what’s actually funny is that before I met Isabelle, I actually didn’t want to date anyone from the West Coast. I apologize to anyone from the West Coast. Just hear me out. [laughs] It’s just that it’s far from Toronto, and I always thought that there was a big challenge with the time zone. The three hours, it can get pretty, pretty difficult especially later at night.

But when we did get to see each other it was never long enough to visit, and the limited vacation days and other responsibilities, it made it really hard for us to be able to have a lot of time to really spend with one another.

Isabelle: So for my side, very opposite side of the spectrum compared to Zach. I’ve actually been in long-distance relationships, and I actually preferred it because I had a little bit more of independence. But when Zach and I were in an LDR, I thought it was way more difficult because I knew he was the one, and I wanted to be with him already, especially in person.


So, I guess the biggest challenge was to be patient while waiting to see each other in person. With the three hour time zone difference, it was definitely difficult to schedule quality time, because whenever I was sleeping, like early in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. And then whenever he was getting ready to sleep, I was just getting out of work. So, that was pretty difficult for us to coordinate, especially with our busy lives, but we found a way. He would usually just stay up till 2am and wait for me. So that’s how we were able to find our quality time.

Zachary: Actually to interject with that, it’s funny because the years that we were dating, because I really pushed myself to stay up for her to adjust to the time zone, I  think all these years I’ve always been on the west coast time zone.

Myrtle: [laughs] You started training yourself early, I guess. Well you know, I completely understand, because when my husband and I were dating, way before video chats were even available by the way, he lived in Hawaii and I was in Toronto. So, our time difference was six hours.

Isabelle: Oh, wow!

Zachary: Oh, man!

Myrtle: Yeah but you know, we made it work too. So, that’s one thing you take away from long-distance relationships, right? You put in a little bit more work, but it’s worthwhile.

So is there anything you enjoyed about having a cross-border, long-distance, relationship?

Isabelle: For me, I really liked being able to focus on my life. In relationships, when both people are from the same area, you tend to see that they devote a lot of time to each other, which is not a bad thing. But from my personal experience, I felt like I always put myself on the back burner and focused on the relationship only or more. So, being in a long-distance relationship, that really allowed me to find that balance. So, I got to spend more time with my parents, I focused on my career, my responsibilities with Church, and even my self-care time, and I got to spend time with Zach because we really had to schedule everything.

Zachary: We talk about it a lot that we both really enjoyed the space. I personally felt like I had the appropriate amount of space, and even though we were apart, it [was] almost as if we had the space, but we were still together because we would video call a lot with each other. So, I could do my activities, she could do her activities. I could perform my duties, she could perform her duties, and we could do whatever we needed to do. It was enough for us, because we were still in each other’s lives. But because we were so far from each other, we were very understanding that we both had our individual lives, our responsibilities, and priorities. And we never really had any arguments about the lack of attention or not having enough time for each other. So, the physical distance made us more understanding of the fact that we had other things to attend to.

Myrtle: Yeah, and then when you do, you know, have your time together it’s almost like you cherish it a little bit more, right?

Zachary: It definitely means more. We definitely valued every time when we were physically together. It really felt much more.

Myrtle: See, only LDR people know this, right? [laughs]

Zachary and Isabelle: [laugh]

Myrtle: Now aside from your video chatting, and your video calls, how else did you stay in touch and communicate with one another?

Zachary: Well, what’s interesting is that the way we actually met, per se, was through messaging. So, we were always used to communicating with one another that way. It started from text messaging, and then it evolved to sending video messages, and then eventually to video calls. So a good chunk of time, when we never hung out, was on video calls and we understood that was the nature of our relationship, and we were very understanding and supportive with that. We both used up a lot of our data usage during that time. And, you know, I would say phone plans are a lot better in America than in Canada, so it was a lot easier for her to keep up with our video calls versus me. Sometimes I had to tell her, “Sorry, I don’t have any more data. I’ve got to wait till I get home.” [laughs]

So, because of that, that we would use up our data or whatever internet we have, even when we were working at our offices, sometimes we’d stay on video call just for each other’s presence. That was enough for us. Knowing that we were far, just the fact that we know that we were there and it was almost like that was our support for each other. I promise you, we were not slacking off. [laughs]

Myrtle: Okay. [laughs]

Zachary: Actually to be honest, when we video call, I would probably say less than 50% we’re actually talking to each other.

Isabelle: It sounds really cheesy. We’re just staring at each other.

Zachary: No. [laughs]

Myrtle: No, I totally get it, because just having each other’s presence, even if you’re not saying anything, it’s a comfort knowing the other person is there. So, I totally understand.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah. And even during the pandemic, when we were just at home, or we’re doing chores, or attending meetings online, we just ended up staying on call with each other the entire time. Surprisingly, we never got tired of each other.

Myrtle: So, what were your parents’ reactions to your long-distance relationship and then, you know, getting engaged and having to decide who would move?

Isabelle: So, I’m very close to my parents. I also want to say I’m the youngest child, and I’m the only daughter. So, a lot of pressures of being their daughter, but overall my parents were really supportive throughout our relationship. My dad, if anyone knows my dad, they know that he is super strict, and he was extra strict on Zach.

Myrtle: Uh oh!

Isabelle: It’s as if he knew Zach was the one, so he did things to kind of test him throughout our courtship. But my parents were really happy that they were able to see Zach loves and he takes care of me, and they know that he’s a really great guy.

So, when we got engaged and we started preparing for the wedding, I could tell the idea of me leaving the house gave them some sort of separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome, especially for my dad. My mom, you could see a little bit of that in her, but she didn’t really show it. She actually showed it way differently. The week I got engaged, so the same week, she already started sketching out how she wanted to transform my room into her home office and crafts room.

Yeah, I remember I was working from home, and she just brings in her notepad and a pen and she just walks in and just starts drawing something, like ”What are you doing?” She’s like, “I’m trying to figure out where to put all my furniture when you move out.” So yeah, she was definitely a little more eager for me to leave. She was so very supportive of me and Zach.

In terms of moving, my parents wanted me to keep my job where I currently work, because I’m very blessed to have an amazing working relationship with my bosses and co-workers and work is very stable in that company. So, from what I initially researched, when I was looking at job opportunities in Canada, it would take me a minimum of one year for me to be able to legally find work if I were to move to Canada, which would have definitely been a challenge financially. But, ultimately, my parents, they knew that it was going to be Zach and I together for life. It’s our life together. And their advice to us was to keep a devotional prayer for God’s guidance on the best place for us to go.

Myrtle: Absolutely. Before we go to you, Zach, and you know your parents’ reactions to your relationship, what do you do for work, Isabelle?

Isabelle: I’m currently an electrical design engineer for an engineering consulting firm.

Myrtle: Oh, wow.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah. A very, very difficult program, but I’m really glad I stuck it through.

Myrtle: I see now. So if you moved to Canada, you would have to get recertified and whatnot.

Isabelle: Exactly, yeah.

Myrtle: Okay, I understand now. All right, Zach, you’re up.

Zachary: Well, when we first got together, my parents actually were very supportive and excited, knowing that I’m with someone that has the same values and faith. So my parents have always been the type to give me guidance on my relationships, but will also allow me to make my own decisions. I would say that was always kind of a good thing and a bad thing, because I liked it because, you know, they let me make decisions. But also sometimes when I’m confused, sometimes they’ll give me, like, a philosophical answer hoping I make the right decision. And sometimes I’m just like, “Can you just tell me what to do?” [laughs]

But jokes aside, it was really helpful that they allowed me to learn from everything. When I decided to fly to the Bay Area to visit Isabelle and ask for permission to court her, and later on to propose to her, my parents simply said, “Okay. Ask God for guidance to be sure of your decision.” That was always what they wanted, to make sure that everything that I do is reliant on God’s will and not my own.

My parents also wanted to keep me close, for sure, and wanted me to stay in Canada. And I think any parent would want their kids close, so it’s always only natural. Obviously, they hoped Isabelle would move to Canada, but they knew that wherever we ended up would be what God’s answers to our prayers were for us. So, maybe it was a bit hard, but they were more happy knowing that where we’re going is what God has for us, because they know that God knows what’s best for us.

Myrtle: Mmhmm, I’m sure that it was a little hard for them to let go, but they know God’s got you, right?

Well, when you got engaged, you know, aside from your work situations, what were the other things you looked into regarding moving after you got married?

Isabelle: So, when Zach just finished his master’s and he wanted a career change in that field, we thought that it was a really great opportunity to take advantage of the different job opportunities the Bay Area has to offer. And that’s pretty much what the deciding factor was for him to move to the Bay Area.

Zachary: Yeah, because we both had stable jobs. With me trying to find my position and striving for a career change, it just made sense for me to move to the Bay while Isabelle stayed at her job, because hers was, you know, she was really sure of what she’s doing already. Our only concern was when I would be able to work, because I would be waiting for my work visa to be approved. That was the only, I guess, caveat. I don’t exactly enjoy not working, but we knew that it would be a short-term, temporary, concern.

Isabelle: We definitely do consider relocating to Canada one day. That was honestly our initial choice because of wanting to stay close to Zach’s parents. And yeah, the free health care would be very beneficial, especially when we decide to start a family. Zach loves the snow, the cold winters, and buying coffee from his favorite Canadian coffee shop every day. I would just have to adjust my sunny California standards whenever we do decide to move out there.

Myrtle: Yes, get used to the snow! [laughs] What was the process you underwent to see how and if Zach would be able to move there?

Isabelle: We researched the immigration forms and the legalities of Zach moving to the Bay Area. Once we figured out what we needed to do as well as the timeline, we actually had an immigration lawyer consulting us throughout this process, we went straight into apartment hunting. Zach actually flew into California two months before the wedding. So, our wedding was in January, he moved in November. And he moved early so that he could start helping with the final logistics of our wedding planning as well as with the apartment hunting, and he stayed with one of our friends during that time.

So throughout those two months, he really dedicated a lot of time to researching areas that we wanted to live [in], especially somewhere close to work. Because anyone who’s listening to this podcast, if you’re familiar with any metropolitan city, traffic is really bad. So, I definitely wanted to live closer to where I worked. We also researched the amenities we really wanted to have, one of which was an in-unit laundry, and then of course what would fit our budget.

Zachary: You know, it was really timely because once we found a place we were interested in, the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday rolled around, which meant Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals.

Myrtle: Yessss!

Zachary: We bought our first apartment home basics, like bedding, cookware, and did our best to look for any used or unwanted furniture we could use. We pretty much got everything in our apartment on Cyber Monday.

Isabelle: Oh yeah, and we stored everything in my small bedroom at my parents’ house. Once we found that apartment, Zach moved into it two weeks before the wedding to really prepare and set everything up before the wedding day, and that helped tremendously. It was definitely like a weight lifted off our shoulders so that we had a place to go to right after we got married.

Myrtle: Must have been exciting too, that feeling of knowing you have a home, you know, right after your wedding.

Zachary: Oh, definitely. It was really comfortable knowing that living there, even for the first week, and saying, “Oh, this is our home.” I just have to get used to I won’t see snow.

But I would say the most difficult part of the moving process was the moving day. We picked up the moving truck, loaded it with all of our belongings and furniture, drove the truck about an hour away, and unloaded it at the apartment, just the two of us. It was a solid workout.

Myrtle: I can imagine.


Zachary: It was the most strenuous but most rewarding workout we had. And I think it was also a good experience for us, because it also gave us an instance of team building for us in our relationship. So, it was great.

Myrtle: Moving can definitely be pretty stressful, but if you work together, you know, and that’s an important thing to learn early on in your marriage, right, that teamwork? So, that’s pretty awesome that you guys have that. There’s definitely a lot to consider when it comes to moving from one country to another, but I’m glad it all worked out for you both.

Right now I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar. It’s always nice to have you here with us on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, Zach and Isabelle, and hello to everybody tuning in. Well, like you mentioned at the outset, Myrtle, this isn’t the first time we’ve had guests on the show who are the product of LDR or long-distance relationship. Our avid listeners are well aware that in those previous episodes, one thing to be noticed is how our guests spoke of prayer, how communicating with God regularly has been a huge factor for the stability of their relationship.

And one of the reasons behind that is there’s only so much you can know about a person through text messaging or video calls. I mean, how can you gauge true compatibility when you’re both in different time zones, when visiting each other only lasts a couple of days, or when you haven’t even tested the waters yet on how you handle disagreements and other challenges together as a team? Nevertheless, there is someone we can turn to, and should turn to, for guidance on whether or not this relationship is really meant to go the distance, no pun intended, despite the concerns that a long-distance relationship has, and who is that? None other than the Lord our God.

But why turn to God? Why conduct devotional prayers to Him regarding your courtship or engagement? Because as we’ve learned in previous episodes, a true spouse comes from God. That’s based on Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 14. For today’s Bible-based advice, there’s something we’d like to highlight that ought to be included in the devotional prayers of a man and woman who are in courtship or engagement, long-distance or not but especially if it’s long-distance. So, what is an important thing the both of you should be praying together about? We turn to the book of Colossians, chapter three, verse 14, in The Good News Translation, for the answer. I quote:

And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.

[Colossians 3:14 Good News Translation]

Brother Felmar: If you are truly sincere about the relationship you’re in, why wouldn’t you pray for that, right, that your affections, or your feelings, or true love for each other would grow? And why is this important? So that there will be unity, according to the Bible. If a man and a woman who are in a long-distance relationship are sincerely asking for unity in their devotional prayers then, by the mercy of God, He will help your relationship to grow in love and unity, in spite of the fact that you are physically apart from each other. Because think about it. You’re already miles apart from each other and then there would be a lack [of] unity? Even if just one of you is not on the same page, how can you expect a relationship like that to become something meaningful and solid?

So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. For those who are in a long-distance relationship, if you’re serious and sincere about it, then you should be praying together. And what’s an important thing to pray for? That God would help you to overcome the challenges of a long-distance relationship, and that He would help you both grow in love for each other, so that there will be unity in your relationship.

As a side note, if neither of you are ready to hold this devotional prayer, well then, I’d say it doesn’t sound like the relationship is serious. [The] thing is though, if the relationship isn’t serious, then what’s the point? You see that’s the danger that others step into, a “relationship” without true direction. Things like casual dating either end in feelings getting hurt, families in conflict, or poor life choices. So again, if you’re not ready to hold devotional prayers about your courtship, whether long-distance or not, much better to focus on the other priorities of life in the meantime, like succeeding in school, building your career, and edifying our spiritual life.

Myrtle: That was a wonderful Bible verse and reminder about the importance of prayer, Brother Felmar. Thanks for sharing that with us today.

Isabelle and Zachary, do you have any tips now for other long-distance relationship couples in a cross-border, transnational, or international relationship, especially when it comes to dealing with immigration?

Isabelle: Some advice I would like to offer is document as much as you can about your relationship. So, save everything like photos, letters, messages, anything that shows proof of legitimacy of your relationship. I think those are the key things in applying for immigration. Thankfully, it’s a lot easier to save that information, because we’ve gone almost fully digital, but it can also be very overwhelming. Because I know with Zach    and I, we have three years worth of photos and you can’t send all of them. You have to really be selective of those things. So yeah, document as much as you can.

Zachary: We pretty much chose the photos that showed our best angles. No, no, I’m kidding. [laughs] But I would say, something we didn’t plan for was our change in who was moving where, and especially with the pandemic it affected how quickly one can be approved for immigration. But what I would say is don’t let the immigration timeline affect how you view your plans either. Ultimately the goal is to stay together, especially after marriage.

Myrtle: One hundred percent, yes. I agree. How did having the same faith as members of the Church Of Christ help you in your cross-border relationship?

Zachary: Having the same faith was pretty much the foundation of our relationship. It’s how we met. It’s how we found out our common interests. It’s how we progressed in our lives, individually and together. Sharing the same faith means always sharing the same understanding when it comes to priorities and values.

Isabelle: Even when we have disagreements, the first thing we do is ask God for the right answers. So we’re constantly on the same page in our relationship, because we know that we should do what God wants.

Myrtle: And if you don’t mind, can you share what you do pray about together?

Zachary: We always ask for peace, love, and harmony in our relationship. We always ask for support and understanding for each other, especially in the performance of our duties in the Church.

When we were still dating, we asked God if it was His will for us to be bound as one. When we got engaged, we thanked God for blessing us with the engagement. We prayed to God to guide us in our wedding plans and to bless us in our future marriage. As per the advice from both of our parents, we also prayed for guidance about where we should live and for us to remain active in our duties wherever we go.

Isabelle: Now that we’re married, we ask God to give us the qualities and characteristics needed for us to fulfill our duties as husband and wife. We always ask that God provides us with the things that we need, especially as we’re in the stage of praying for a family together.

Zachary: So pretty much always, always pray. Knowing we have God in our lives gives us the courage and hope we need to go through everything, such as when we went through the very extensive immigration process. We know that those are challenges, but that’s why we want to make sure that we rely on God. So we pray, ask God for help.

Myrtle: Absolutely. Well, here’s kind of a light-hearted final question for you both. When you first got together and were dating, what were the differences you noticed between Canada and the United States? It has probably changed since I became part of the, what I like to call, ‘CanaRican’ couples. So what are your thoughts on, you know, the differences you noticed?

Isabelle: It’s hard for me to generalize pros about the U.S. because I only grew up in California. Though it’s a huge state, it’s only one of the many states in the U.S., but because of that I never really felt what a true winter felt like. So to me, that’s a pro! So the worst weather that we have to go through in California is pretty much heavy rain, and even then the heavy rain doesn’t last very long.

I have family who actually live in Canada, so in Saskatchewan, and they tell me about how often they have to shovel snow just to get into their cars or get out of the driveway. I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out. But other than the weather, I feel like Canadians in general are so much nicer than Californians, probably because we live a faster way of life and probably because Canadians have universal health care. [laughs]

Zachary: I would say for me, a con about California is that they have no winter. I like winter, I must admit. A pro, particularly in California, is the quality of coffee. Tim Horton’s is great. That’s part of our culture in Canada. But coming to California, there is so much more to learn about coffee that I never knew and just add that appreciation for it. And also the abundance of fast food. Many might say that that’s not a good thing but, hey, having many options is great.

To be honest, I still have trouble conceptualizing how far one mile is, and Isabelle has seen my struggle over these past few months. So to help me out, she has forced herself to convert to kilometers on Google Maps. So she said she’s pretty much given up on me learning it. So, she’s just going to adjust to kilometers for me.

But in general, those are pretty much some of the things that I noticed are different, but overall I’m really enjoying living here.

Myrtle: I totally agree with, you know, our much loved Canadian coffee, but I have to say I do love the minty iced coffee at Philz in the Bay Area. Anybody who’s been to the Bay Area knows this coffee with the minty leaves in it…..so good!

Zachary: Yes, that is true. That is very true.

Myrtle: Well, Zach and Isabelle, it was so awesome to have you both here with us on Happy Life, and hopefully you enjoyed your time with us as well.

Isabelle: Thank you so much!


Zachary: Thank you so much, Myrtle, and to all of Happy Life. We enjoyed. Thank you for having us. We really enjoyed it.

Isabelle: Thank you so much, Myrtle, for having us, and thank you to everyone who’s tuning in.

Myrtle: Being in a cross-border, transnational, relationship allows you to experience the best of both worlds in my opinion. There are definitely some decisions to be made when it comes to figuring out who will move where but, ultimately, as long as you’re together, that’s all that matters.

And that brings us to the end of today’s episode. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show Closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life

Age Gaps in Marriage

Age Gaps in Marriage
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Jasmine and Mac, from Winnipeg, Canada, have an age gap, which can also be considered a generational gap, of several years. Discover if this age gap impacts their relationship as newlyweds.


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Age Gaps In Marriage

[Show opens]


Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life.

Jasmine Balacano: Hi!

Mac Balacano: Hi there.

Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment?

Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then?

Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs]

Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s  been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it.

Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be.

So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap?

Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me.

Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?”

And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway.

Myrtle Alegado:  Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other.

And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities.

Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy.

One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me.

Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado:  So, Mac, how about you?

Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful.

Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now?

Mac Balacano: Yeah.

Jasmine Balacano: We are.


Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people.

I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits.

The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half.

Myrtle Alegado:  And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess.

And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen?

Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times.

Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy thinker or doer. I think it is more of the creative side of me.

And I’m very laid back, and he’s just very high strung about time, especially time and efficiency. And, you know, like, sometimes we can’t even go to the mall without him being like, “What’s the most efficient route to get from this store, to that store, to that store?”

Myrtle Alegado: 

Oh, wow. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano:

And I’m just like, I’m a window shopper, right? I’m like, “Oh, I saw something there. Let’s go walk in there.” And he’s like, “That’s not part of the plan.” And I’m just like, “You need to relax.”

Myrtle Alegado: 

Don’t deviate from the agenda. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano: Yes, he’s very, like, itinerary based if anything.

Myrtle Alegado: Can you describe how you do deal with your different outlooks or approaches to life in general?

Jasmine Balacano: I think like every married couple, you want to talk things through, right, in a rational, calm state of mind. Usually it’ll take me about 30 minutes to kind of come around and be like, “Okay, I was being a little too much there.” So, you know if I can tell he’s really, like, in the zone, ‘I need to think about this.’ And I was just kind of like, “No, I need an answer now.” You know, we’ll start a conversation and be like, “Hey,  can I just say something?” And that kind of gives the verbal cue to him that like, “I’m probably going to say something that you’re not going to agree with, but this is how I actually feel about it.”

And sometimes he’ll do that back to me as well. Like he’ll just kind of be like, “Look, this is obviously not meant to offend you, or this is not meant to be a hurtful thing, but this is really my perspective on it and I just want to let you know that it’s coming from a place of neutrality.”

Mac Balacano: I think there were moments in the beginning of our relationship, and including at the start of our marriage, where we’re adjusting to each other and certainly where we have moments where our conversations might have escalated. And I think it usually takes us a bit of time to come back around from that very initial, kind of knee-jerk emotional response that you might typically have in those situations.

And for us we really want, and take the time, to kind of calm down first. I think we learned that fairly quickly. We’re both feeling a lot of feelings, all the feelings, right now and maybe we just need to, you know, just take a moment, just calm down, and we’ll kind of continue the conversation later. But I think at the end of the day, you know, where we land is, like, and I really credit a lot of this to Jasmine, she’s really helped me get to this point especially as, you know, reminding each other that we’re on the same team, right? At the end of the day, we want what’s best for each other. And whether that means sometimes letting the other person have what it is that they want or that they need, or coming to a compromise of some sort, or something that works for the both of us, right?

She’s really helped me kind of understand that, “Hey, you know, just because sometimes we say something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what that person was intending to make you feel.” Our intentions aren’t necessarily bad. They can still be good intentions and very wonderful things that we want to come out of that conversation. And we just, again, need to take that time to really reflect and not be so emotional, so that we can, you know, land in a happy place or in a good place at the end of that conversation.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I think it’s great that you can both recognize when the other is, you know, “triggered” at the moment and needs some time to kind of just back away from the situation, you know, really contemplate about things, and then you reconnect together and really get to that place where you’re both in a state of understanding of each other. So I think that’s absolutely awesome.

But going back to age gaps now, do you think your age gap affects how differently you approach things?

Jasmine Balacano: Usually, I don’t feel that our age gap really makes anything different. And if we do have a concern, we’re very straightforward with each other and we’re not trying to play mind games with each other either. It’s nothing like that. And it’s nothing about like, “Is that what your generation of friends do?” Like, we never, ever, question it like that. It’s more about the individual rather than what stage of life you’re in, I find.

Mac Balacano: And for me, you know, I don’t really think it affects how we approach things, per se. I think it just affects the nature of the problems that we face on an individual level, just due to the fact that we are in slightly different phases in our life, right? So, I think it’s not so much how we deal or approach the issue, it’s more we’re challenged with different things. I think that’s really where that comes in.

And related to that, I think our age gap does allow us to see things together or collectively in a more diverse kind of way. You know, it lets us approach things together from different vantage points or points of view, just because we grew up in slightly different generations, or we’re exposed to different things, or the current things that we’re experiencing at that moment are slightly different because of the different life phases that we’re both in. So I think through that, it just really helps us to be able to see things together from many different views, which ultimately I think helps us get to making better decisions, right?

Myrtle Alegado:  I can see that. Yeah, for sure. And you know, there’s different data out there that categorizes the ages of those who are Gen Z and Millennials. So I think Jasmine, I probably consider you as a Gen Z, while Mac is a Millennial. What are your views on this, these two generations, and how much do you think they differ?

Mac Balacano: You know, I mean for me personally, I don’t think Gen Z is all that different from Millennials. I almost feel like they’re Millennials but amplified. So I think of things like, you know, even better with technology or it’s more intuitive. That’s something that makes me feel really old when I have to ask, “What is that? How does this work?” So there’s that. I think the other thing too, broadly speaking you know there is more, what I see, more activism, more acceptance, right, in terms of different social issues or social viewpoints. And then speaking of social, there’s also social media differences, right? So for me, I don’t have a TikTok account.

Myrtle Alegado: Same.

Jasmine Balacano: I’m always showing him TikToks, like, constantly.

Mac Balacano: Yeah, so there’s stuff like that, right? There are those slight differences, but I don’t find them significant enough in a way that dramatically affects anything, I guess.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I personally don’t like to consider myself Gen Z. I find myself right in between. I’m at the very end of the Millennial generation and right at the beginning of Gen Z. I feel like Gen Z’s have a very different outlook on life, in my opinion. I don’t feel that I share a lot of their opinions. I can’t come up with anything off the top of my head, but some things that I do feel that I share with that generation is, you know, not wanting to conform to societal [norms], or like, you know, pushing boundaries and limits. Those are some things that I feel that maybe I’m more in line with. But you’ll never see me doing a TikTok dance. Probably not. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado:  But why do you think there’s a stigma to dating someone when there is an age gap? How do you feel about the stigma? And this is coming from someone whose parents have an 11 year age gap. And, honestly, I never really thought about it. So, you know, what are your thoughts on this?

Jasmine Balacano: Personally, I think it could be a Western perspective, that age gaps are inappropriate. There’s a lot of that going around, I find. And, you know, perhaps people might come to the conclusion, or maybe assume, that the person who is younger isn’t able to make a proper decision, or maybe they’re being, like, groomed is a word that I hear a lot.

But the reality is, you know, and especially for me and Mac in our situation, I think it’s personally fine for the people involved in the relationship, and more importantly because it was a consensual choice. Sometimes I feel nervous about the stigma, maybe that I’m being judged. I definitely can say that I definitely was judged for, you know, starting a relationship with Mac because he is a little bit older than me. But most of all, you know, like one of the things that always kind of was reassuring in my mind was that I knew myself, and I knew my relationship with Mac. Mac never pressured me. He never put anything on me in that way, any kind of his ideals or perspectives, you know. It was always up for discussion, and he was probably one of the only people regarding that topic that made me feel like I had a voice.

And, you know, we always make sure that even now in our marriage, that we’re talking about these issues and these needs when it comes to our generational [differences] or the way we approach things. And it’s not just because of our age gap, but it’s because we want to make these decisions with consent, respect and with love.

Mac Balacano: Yeah, and for me, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate that I personally never really faced the stigma associated with our age gap, or I’ve never really felt that way. But I do know that some people think that it can be, for example, like a red flag when there’s an older guy who may be dating a younger girl. And maybe I think, you know, for some people they might think, “Oh, you know, there must be something wrong with that guy. Why? Why can’t he find someone his own age?”

And I think that’s usually attributed to the lack of maturity and progression in their life, potentially, right, and I think also especially since girls tend to mature mentally and emotionally faster than guys. So, I do think that’s a valid concern in some situations, and I certainly, you know, have seen examples of that kind of play out. But I can appreciate why some people may have concerns around that.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s true. Every relationship and situation is different, for sure. Right now, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, so that we can hear the Bible-based advice regarding our discussion today.

Hi, there, Brother Felmar! I hope you’re doing well today.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, everybody. Doing well. Thank you for asking. Hello to Mac and Jasmine.

So regarding age gap, for example the husband is 5 or 10 years older than the wife or vice versa, is this a problem? To answer that, let’s be reminded about something first. Let’s be reminded that one of our Christian values is to respect and honor our parents. That’s why in the Church Of Christ, we are taught to communicate and seek approval from our parents first, before entering courtship, engagement, and marriage. Therefore, so long as parents on both sides do not disagree with the relationship, despite the age gap, then the two involved may proceed with courtship.

That being said, what should parents consider before giving their consent that their son or daughter can enter courtship, which is also something the individuals themselves should consider before courtship and more so marriage? So, I actually answered a similar question to this on one of the episodes for the Heart and Soul podcast. The questions are slightly different, but the same Bible-based teaching applies. So if everyone could please listen to what’s stated here in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 19, verse 14. We’ll quote from The New Revised Standard Version:

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
[Proverbs 19:14 New Revised Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno:
So, based on this, one of the very important questions to ask oneself prior to getting married is: “Is this person that I am courting, or is courting me, the answer to my prayers? Is this person the blessing to me from God?” This is something parents ought to ask themselves too: “Is this person the blessing from God who will be the future spouse of my son or daughter?”

But how do you determine that? One way that helps is if you can answer yes to the following questions: Do they have genuine feelings for each other and have they proven themselves to be compatible with one another? Do they have stable livelihoods? Have they proven themselves to be mature individuals capable of making good rational decisions? Above all, are they both spiritually mature? So long as the answer is yes to all of those questions, age gap is not an issue.

Regarding the stigma or the judgments people may make about married couples who have an age gap, well, people concocting negative thoughts in their mind is something beyond our control. But what we can control is our reaction. How should Christians react to insults or negative thoughts against us for whatever reason it may be? We learned this in our Bible study on doctrines in the Church Of Christ prior to baptism. Let’s be reminded about this important teaching here in I Peter, chapter 3, verse 9. We’ll quote from The New International Version:

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
[I Peter 3:9 New International Version]


Brother Felmar Serreno:

We, Christians, should know better than to repay evil with evil. Rather, God expects us to repay with blessing or kindness. So, not just to Mac and Jasmine but to all married couples out there with an age gap, the next time you may get a weird look or remark from someone because of your age gap, what should we repay? Repay kindness.

So I’d actually like to ask Mac and Jasmine very quickly, “How do you control your reaction in these situations?” Obviously, human as we are, it doesn’t feel nice when you’re on the receiving end, right, of something negative. But at the same time, we are Christians, we are members of the Church Of Christ. In all circumstances, we must uphold our Christian values and the way we act or respond, right, we reflect the values that we uphold. So, how do you control your emotions in those types of situations?

Mac Balacano:  Well, Brother Felmar, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate enough in these situations, it’s not often that I have a negative reaction from other folks when it comes up in conversation. But you know what? When it does, I usually try to make it a little bit more lighthearted, in terms of the situation. I just say things like, “Oh, you know, but we feel age is just a number. That’s not how we define our relationship,” just something that is, you know, more neutral or lighthearted to not make the situation negative or anything like that.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Jasmine, how about you?

Jasmine Balacano: I’d say the same thing. I’m a little more quick with my comebacks. When Mac says we do it lightheartedly, I usually make a joke out of it or something. I’ll probably say something like, “Yeah, I know Mac’s graduation pictures are in black and white,” or something like that just to be funny about it. But it does get tiring. It can be a lot. Sometimes I just tried to ignore it, but most of the time I would play it off with a joke or something like that.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Since you mentioned it does get tiring, how do you help each other out? Like, do you talk about it afterwards? Do you, like, vent to each other? You know, how do you deal with that when it does get tiring?

Jasmine Balacano: I think, yeah, we would vent to each other. Like sometimes, if we were out with friends, and then like on the drive home, we’d kind of talk about it. And it’d be like, “Yeah, that’s kind of frustrating,” and then we would just kind of laugh it off and talk about something else. Like Mac said, it’s not something that we really base our relationship off of. Our relationship is so much more than the number between us, and that’s why it’s not that hard to brush off.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And to everyone who’s tuning in, if you do have an age gap in your relationship, we hope that what Mac and Jasmine shared is of help to you. It does help to vent to each other, right, just to help each other, you know, get through it. Because like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, as Christians, when you’re in the moment, it’s better to just have a neutral response, right, a light hearted response. You don’t want to make a big deal out of something that really isn’t a big deal.

Like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, they are well aware their relationship is so much more than a number. But sometimes for others, you know, they don’t see it that way yet, right? So what are you going to do about that? That’s not within our control, right? But having that lighthearted response, because we are Christians, it helps to ensure something small doesn’t get out of hand. And then we can always talk about it after as husband and wife, just to make sure we’re doing okay and get on with our day.

Well, that’s all the spiritual advice that I have at this time, Myrtle, for our episode for today. I hope everyone enjoyed it and it was of benefit to everybody. I’ll sign off now, and I’ll see you all next time.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you again, Brother Felmar, for sharing those Bible verses that definitely did inspire all of us today.

Jasmine, earlier you said that you felt like you were sometimes being judged for your age gap. And Mac, how do you feel about telling people about your age difference?

Mac Balacano: You know, I don’t personally really have any feelings about it really. It just kind of rolls off my tongue if it’s a relevant part of the conversation. Because to me, you know, it’s just a normal relationship, and again I don’t think it’s something that we or myself really use to define the nature of our relationship.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I’m actually fine with our age difference. Before it used to bother me, and then it kind of stopped, and then recently I think with the current social climate, it makes it such an uncomfortable topic. It’s not that I’m like, “Oh, no, my relationship is inappropriate.” It just makes it really awkward to want to tell anyone, because just the phrase itself, ‘an age gap,’ already has some sort of negative connotation to it. Just kind of what Mac said, it’s just like a normal relationship. And we’ve always been on the same page in terms of our views and things like that. So I am totally fine with it. It’s just something that feels a little bit odd to discuss sometimes.

Myrtle Alegado: And how much has your faith helped you in being understanding of one another and in accepting each other’s differences, and maybe even, you know, kind of dealing with people’s thoughts about your relationship, whether they’re warranted or not?

Mac Balacano: Having the same faith and belief system, first of all, I think is one of the most important things that you need to have in a relationship. And really because that common ground really creates a foundation for your relationship, creates a foundation of who we want to be, what we want for a future together.

Even around the time when Jasmine and I were thinking about getting engaged, before we got married, you know, we had those kinds of discussions, right? We really wanted to nail down, like, what do we want our future to look like? And I think that’s super important that people have those kinds of conversations. You know, “Do you want to have kids? Where do you want to live?” No matter what those kinds of conversations are about your future, I think the underlying thing that should be there, that would really help people, is that you have the same faith and belief system. I think that’s really important.

Myrtle Alegado: A hundred percent I would agree with you. So can you share what role prayer has had in your marriage?

Jasmine Balacano: Prayer has always been a very important part of our relationship, even more so now in our marriage, and even the days leading up to our wedding. Knowing that when we pray together that God is with us and that, you know, we can really rely on Him in our relationship to ease any of the anxieties or the worries we have about the future. And we know that every time we pray, that we’re able to do that together, that God is there with us, you know. And it’s always been a comfort to us whenever things were falling apart, even when things were going amazingly, you know. We always would pray and just be so grateful and thankful no matter what happened.

And especially when we’re planning for our future, one of the things that my mom always told me and I held it with me when I met Mac, even before we were getting married and now, is my mom always told me that you should always be with someone that brings you closer to God and that a relationship that revolves around God will be a successful one. I’ve always held that very dear to my heart. Every time we pray together, we’re never really that worried. We just trust.

Myrtle Alegado: As it should be. So what words of encouragement do you have for newlyweds, or engaged couples, even those who are simply just dating, who have an age gap that might be considered a generational gap as well?

Mac Balacano: Yeah I mean, for me, I think there’s going to be, you know, practical issues, some of which I’ve personally experienced. You know, whether that’s people having their own thoughts or opinions, or either of you are going to be in a slightly different phase in your life, right, maybe one of you is working already full-time, but someone is still in school or trying to sort out what their future could potentially look like. And just kind of think those through ahead of time, and just make sure that you’re okay with it, or have that discussion between the two of you to make sure that you’re on the same page.

And you know, for us, as Jasmine has mentioned, you know, it’s a conversation. We want to make sure that we’re both okay with it. It’s give and take, right? We’re building a life together, and we’re both pitching in in different ways.

So, you know, I think at the end of the day age is just a number and I personally don’t think it should overrule what you feel about each other. I think everything else that we’ve talked about, the foundation of your relationship, like all that stuff needs to be there. And I think age is just one of the many other different considerations that you should be thinking about in terms of your relationship.

Jasmine Balacano: I agree with Mac. You know, when we first started dating, I felt a little bit left behind. I wasn’t as successful, I was still kind of starting out my career. I was still in the process of, like, establishing myself in terms of my own personal success. But my best advice is, you know, find someone who wants to communicate with you, someone who wants to have those really hard discussions, those difficult conversations, right, and someone who’s encouraging you.

And these conversations always have to be done with open hearts and open minds, because if you don’t have that willingness to understand, that willingness to love unconditionally, when that stuff gets hard then it kind of speaks for itself. So, that really is kind of my advice is just be open minded, you know, be open hearted, be understanding, and be patient most of all.

Mac Balacano: And finally, I think if you pray about it and you have God’s blessing, we talked about we’re very fortunate to have, that’s the feeling that we have in our lives, that we truly feel that, you know, God has been with us every step along the way, and it’s coming up to our one year anniversary. And, you know, I think that’s really the most important thing, right, that you not only have a relationship with each other, but that together you have a relationship with God. That’s really all that matters.

Myrtle Alegado: Those were great words of advice, Mac and Jasmine. And honestly, we’re so grateful to you for sharing how you’ve managed to deal with an age gap in your marriage and as newlyweds. So thank you both for joining us [in] our discussion today on Happy Life.

Jasmine Balacano: Thank you so much.

Mac Balacano: Oh, thank you.

Myrtle Alegado: Hopefully what Mac and Jasmine shared today will provide some comfort to other couples who are currently dating, or perhaps engaged to be wed, and experiencing the same challenges.

And that’s the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life

Thanking My College Counselor

Thanking My College Counselor
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Our ‘Thank You Series’ continues, and in this episode, Jan says thank you to her college counselor who believed in her and changed the course of her life nearly 20 years ago.


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Thanking My College Counselor

Aliw Pablo: Hi, Jan. 

Jan Valerio: Hello. 

Aliw Pablo: Can you believe it? You finally made it on the Making Changes podcast.

Jan Valerio:  I know.  (singing) Some people wait a lifetime for moments like this.

Aliw Pablo: I didn’t know there was a singing contest on the podcast.

Jan Valerio:  That’s why they won’t ever let me man a podcast. But now that I have the chance I’m going to sing.

Aliw Pablo: This is Jan, a senior producer here at INC Media. And today, she’s gonna thank someone who she hasn’t seen in nearly 20 years.

Aliw Pablo: Yes, do whatever you like. So tell us who are we talking to today?

Jan Valerio:  Today we’re talking to Sheldon TaKwata, who I like to call Mr. T. He was my college guidance counselor. And he was the one who helped me dream myself out of Kalihi. A small town in Hawaii. I never thought I was gonna leave the islands. 

Aliw Pablo: From INC Media Audio, this is Making Changes, a podcast about the changes we go through and the life lessons we learn along the way…always with God by our side. I’m your host, Aliw Garcia Pablo.  Welcome to season2!  Whether you’re listening to this while driving, working out or walking the dog, we’re so glad you’re choosing to spend your time with us!  So we’re starting this season with a “Thank you Series”  – it’s basically surprise phone calls or video calls to people who have made a positive change in someone’s life, and it’s a chance to say thank you. 

And today it’s Jan’s turn, who was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii and we’re calling her community college counselor  Mr. Sheldon Tawata, also from Hawaii.

Aliw Pablo :Are you nervous about seeing him? When was the last time you saw him?

Jan Valerio:  I know last time I saw him was when I left Kapiolani Community College.    But yeah, he helped me to reach my goals. Having the opportunity to say thank you to him. It’s actually kind of exciting. 

Aliw Pablo: So in one sentence, How did Mr. T change your life, you think?

Jan Valerio:  How did he change my life? He changed my life in a way where there were I could see opportunities. I  really started taking school seriously after I met him. 

Aliw Pablo: Okay, well, I think it’s time let’s, let’s go ahead and see if Mr. T is online.

Jan Valerio:  Okay, I hope he remembers me. It’s been a long time.

Aliw Pablo: All right. Let’s see if Mr. T is on. Thanks, Jan.

Jan Valerio:  Thank you. Thank you for making this happen, Making Changes podcast.

Aliw Pablo: Hi, Sheldon. How are you?  Thank you so much, Sheldon, for agreeing to do this, you know?

Sheldon Tawata: No, it’s my pleasure. Oh my gosh.

Aliw Pablo:  Yeah. Were you surprised though, that you get a random call about a former student from years and years ago?


Sheldon Tawata: You know what you told me the year? I couldn’t believe it was that long ago but it still, seems like yesterday, we’re sitting in an office together trying to figure out her leaving Oahu. Which is mind blowing still.  think as you probably know, any youth leaving Hawaii, that’s a huge, huge step, but huge.

Aliw Pablo: Yeah. Jan refers to coming to California as coming to America. Because, you know, the mainland for her is America. You know, moving to… Yeah, it’s a big step. It’s a big step.  Well, without further ado, here’s your former student, Jan Valerio. Jan, come say hi.

Jan Valerio: Good morning, Mr. T! 

Sheldon Tawata: Oh, my God!

Jan Valerio:  This guy is the man.

Sheldon Tawata: So leading up to this day, you know how images come up in your mind? You think, Okay, this student did this, or this student did that. And I don’t know why this image stuck in my mind. And this could be true Jan form. But she probably won’t remember this. But when she was at KCC she would have her scooter on campus. 

Jan Valerio:  Yes. 

Sheldon Tawata: And go from one class to the next. I thought, too. Is she that lazy? And just joking? 

Jan Valerio:  No, that’s true. 

Sheldon Tawata: But I thought there was no one, no one on campus that did that. And so when I saw that, I thought, That’s Jan, you know, didn’t really,

Sheldon Tawata:  That’s the true Jan form. Like she is who she is she is going to do what she’s going to do. She doesn’t care what other people think. That’s Jan.

Jan Valerio:  Yes, Mr. T, yes, I did have a scooter. I can’t believe you remember that? 

Jan Valerio: I barely remember that. But now that you bring it up, I’m like, Yes, I did scooter on campus all the time.  So I wanted to thank you, Mr. T. for being part of this podcast when Aliw said that the theme of the podcast was a Thank You series. You were the first person that popped  into my head.

Sheldon Tawata: Oh, my goodness.

Jan Valerio:  Because I’m being honest with you. Every time I find myself, in a spot where I’m like, man, you know, I’m in a good spot in my life. I love what I do. I always think back to how Mr. T believed in   me, because I have to, I don’t remember, if I told you who I was in high school, I wasn’t a good student, I did the minimum. And when you’re doing the minimum, the teachers I grew up with, they would say things like, “you know, if you don’t have good grades, you can’t go to college.” “If you don’t have good grades, you can’t go to even a vocational school, you can’t do this, you can’t get a good job.” So in my head, I was always thinking, there’s no opportunities for me because I, I wasn’t motivated. My outlook was small. So the only thing people were telling me was like, go to community college. But my grades and my confidence were so low that I was thinking, what if a community college doesn’t even accept me? Until one day during the summer before transitioning to KCC (Kapiolani Community College.) There was a little dream in my heart, like I had bought a camera. And I was starting to film things and putting things together. I was like, this is interesting, maybe, maybe there’s something for me here in broadcasting, or I knew I had to do broadcasting or film. And then I remember walking around campus, (Audio fades)

ALIW VO: It all began with a flyer that Jan saw on one of the campus bulletin boards that had a happy face on it that made her go see a counselor. That’s how she first Mr. Sheldon Tawata who encouraged her to check out SF or San Francisco State University to pursue a major in Broadcast Journalism.

JAN:  And you said, “Have you heard of SF State?  I said, “No, but that sounds fancy.” And then you said, and then you said, “I actually came from there.” And I looked at you with bright eyes. And I was like, Oh, this guy came from the mainland, he knows he has experience he can teach me. So you’re giving me this whole two year plan for me all these classes to take. And then at the end, it was kind of overwhelming for me, This was the first time you even looked at me. And you’re like, Jan, this requires some hard work. I looked at you and I said, “Okay, you think I can do this?” And then you said, “Can, Jan, can.” And then I said, this is the first time anyone has ever told me, “can,” because in high school, they said “can’t.” But after talking to you, and you said, “Can” I was like, maybe, maybe there’s hope here. And then I walked out of that of your office thinking. Maybe it’s just today I feel motivated. But then you emailed me and you said, Hey, how’s it going? Come to me once a week, so we can make sure you’re on the right plan. So I started coming in once a week. 

ALIW VO:  And from there, what began as once a week counseling session, became 3x a week for Jan. Everytime Jan had challenges with her classes and felt like giving up, Mr T would tell her  “just stick to it, Jan” and he even found a tutor for her for classes that she was struggling with.  And   when it came to financial aid assistance, he helped her fill out all the required paperwork and even told her what to expect once she moved to the San Francisco Bay Area.  

Jan:  “…where you’re going to live Jan?” And I said, “I don’t know.” And you said, “I used to live in Westlake it’s foggy there. But it’s okay. And it’s close to SFC, you can take the BART.” I was like, “What is BART?” They don’t have Aloha the bus? And then you said, “No, I may have BART it’s like a train” and I said, “I’ll take that train, mister?” You’re like, “yes.” Like you never sounded annoyed. You’re so encouraging. And then you just, you just helped me. And it’s, what…20 years later, I always think back to how blessed I’ve been in being able to have this career. I work in nonprofit. We work for Christian media. And it’s been such a blast – this journey, doing the job that I love being able to have the college degree to help in this type of meaningful work. So I’m thankful to you. And I actually this is very full circle for me, Mr. T, because Aliw is actually the one who introduced me to this type of work. So she was the one who planted the seed in my heart, and you’re the one who helped me execute it. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you went to SF State, I feel like it was all aligned, and God made it happen this way. And to think I never thought that I was going to leave the islands. I never thought I was going to leave Kalihi. But God had other plans. And He allowed me to cross paths with Aliw and you. So I’m thankful actually, to both of you. 

Sheldon Tawata: You know, what’s amazing about that story is I always, I don’t know, maybe this is the reason why I’m on high blood pressure  medicine because every time I meet with students, I want to make sure that they are doing the best for themselves. And the thing for me, even as a parent, you want to intervene, you want to dare I say control, because you just want to make sure that folks are living a healthy and fruitful life. And so to be on the sidelines, I gotta tell you, super stressful. And so when you mentioned “Hey Mr. T I think I want to go to the mainland.” I was like, “Okay, let’s go.” But my palms are sweaty, and my blood pressure’s high. But in my but I think like with all of us, there’s this degree of faith, right? You just have to just kind of believe. But the fact that you’re in this place right now makes me so unbelievably happy. Because the thing that I feel people don’t know what they have inside themselves is resiliency. And that goes a long way. And so Jan, if you think if you can think back to the moment, not the moment you bought your… Well, let’s think back to that point. Think back to the moment you bought your plane ticket. Was it a one way ticket or two-way? Was it a round trip or one way?

Jan Valerio:  It was one way.

Sheldon Tawata: What did that feel like?

Jan Valerio:  Honestly, I was scared. Because like I said, like you even mentioned, this is a new place. This is why I’m leaving everything I know. And do they even speak my language too? Will they understand Pidgin? Will I learn English? But…

Jan Valerio:  But yeah, like, buying that plane ticket was scary because it is a leap of faith. But I kept thinking, you know, God brought me to this point. Mr. T believed in me. But you know, there was a time where I was here after six months, and it was foggy an d I was like, “Ha, I’m gonna go home. I know more money for  my financial aid is running out.” But I’m gonna come home as a loser. Nah. I don’t like come home as a loser. You know, I’m gonna stick it out. I’m gonna stick it out. 

Sheldon: So at your six month point, like what made you push through?

What really pushed me to stay. I was able to get a tuition waiver for SF State that allowed me to pay my tuition. I went to the registrar’s office to see how much it would cost because my family was having financial difficulties at the time too. I’m waiting for some crazy amount. And they the lady at the registrar’s office said $3, and I was like, what?”  $3! I said these four full time classes. And she was like, yeah, $3 and Mr. T, I kid you not, I had $5 in my pocket. And I gave it to her. I didn’t question her or anything. I went home… 

Sheldon Tawata:  And you got change back then. 

Jan Valerio:  I got change back. When I went home, I checked my status online. And it said that I got a tuition waiver, which is something I don’t remember signing up for how I got to this day, but I do know that it was through my prayers, because I kept praying and I said, you know, God, should I stay or should I go, and this was a clear sign for me to stay. And so, being at this point right now, I’m like, after that I was like, I just gotta keep going. I just gotta keep going. Because the signs were clear, like having you helped me. And then once I was here in SF, having that tuition waiver, it was like, all signs point to “yes.”

Sheldon Tawata: Oh my gosh. So as you probably know, I’m still working with youth.  So this past August, I think I will make 20 or 21 years at KCC.But in the mean, there’s what’s neat about my job, everyone has a story to tell and what makes being in my profession such a gift is that I get to hear everyone’s story. But what always fills me is when they talk about it. s word up again, as resiliency when I hear their story of how they’ve overcome all these challenges and just kind of push through. It’s just simply amazing. It’s just I can on a deeper level understand because I too, similarly, I went to Roosevelt High School, I wasn’t supposed to graduate. I was told to go rake leaves instead of go to class. I was told I’m better off just hanging out in the vice principal’s office versus the classroom. I understand what it feels like to be told you can’t do this. Understand that attention is sometimes taken away from you because you don’t shine like the others. But to me, I just have this heart felt natural connection for those who have to fend for themselves, who have to dig for resources, because it’s almost a survival thing. And to watch them struggle, which is very uncomfortable for me. But to then see them succeed is like the best gift ever. And so, knowing that, when…

Jan Valerio:  You say it’s a gift for you, it’s also like a gift that keeps on giving. And like, like, it’s been years, but I still remember you. And every time I think of you, I’ve always I always think you have been such a great blessing in my life. And it’s, I’m always an advocate when younger people are like I’m lost or whatever. I’m like, talk to your college counselor. Talk to your guidance counselor. But yeah,  talk to someone, talk to someone. It helps. 

Jan Valerio:  Yes, yes. Thank you, Mr. T.

Sheldon Tawata: It’s my pleasure. And oh, my goodness, this couldn’t have been a better day… better year. You know, this is just amazing.

Sheldon Tawata: Thank you. Again, I can’t thank you both enough for this opportunity to be here.

Aliw Pablo: Well, I’m just going to jump in. I know Jan’s really modest and she’s not going to tell you these things, but coming from Kalihi, Jan has traveled the world just to find stories to tell. We’ve gone to South Africa, we’ve done documentaries there. We’ve gone all over Asia. We’ve gone we’ve gone to Australia, and maybe after this Jan was shared with you, but coming from Kalihi, a girl who doesn’t really speak English. She’s actually our producer. She’s our senior producer for one of our shows called Faith Speaks and it’s basically a TED talks for young people. And, you know, she helps write and coach them, helps do their story arcs and mold their stories and so, yeah, she’s really come a long way. And what she’s been able to contribute to the world, to us here at INC Media and to the people whose stories she’s told you know, that’s the impact from you, making time, sitting down with her a couple times a week, and making sure she worked hard and got the sand out of her hair. And just went to work. But what I wanted to ask Mr. T, see, I’m gonna call you, Mr. T now, is that OK? 

Sheldon Tawata: That’s totally fine. 

Aliw Pablo: Okay…you mentioned that you’ve been doing this now for over 20 years?  What is it that keeps you mentoring and helping students like Jan, and those who are lost and helping, carry them, and telling them, “look can, can, can,” you know, and just giving those three letters makes such a huge difference?

Sheldon Tawata: You know, I truly feel that we have this, we have this huge bank of change agents. And some people know it, some people don’t know it. But I feel like every person I meet, they have the ability to make this place, make this world a whole lot better in whatever, whatever contributions they make, be it in media, sport, whatever. And I think when I see that spark happen, like in Jan’s case, when she just kind of saw the potential that’s out there, that, to me, is the motivation. And to see that as my job, I mean, if you can imagine my job is to see people grow into the person that they want to be. And I think that’s what keeps me going. And, Jan, I know, were you and your sister the first in your family to go to college? Did your parents go?

Jan Valerio:  Yes, we’re the first. My sister went to college, and my mom was like, “are you gonna go to college? Are you gonna make something of yourself?” And I was like, “I don’t know.” But yeah, it was a big deal.

Sheldon Tawata: Yes, even though I still meet with youth today, where that conversation at the dinner table doesn’t happen, like, what do you, what do you see yourself five years from now? Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? I think the conversation is more, how I am going to pay the bill tomorrow. And so to hear that, I mean, it crushes your heart. But when you see those that just work hard. They embrace reality, and then they try to make that shift. Yeah, that’s what keeps me going. 

Aliw Pablo:  And also, to your point that the conversations happening at the dinner table isn’t so much about college, but rather, how are we going to pay the bills? In fact, there’s studies right, that show that less and less kids after, during because of the pandemic, or going to college, because of the financial strains that pandemic has brought to families. How different or how much more challenging is it today to work with students because of how much of the world has changed also, higher rates of depression and things like that, mental health compared to almost 20 years ago, during Jan’s class?

Sheldon Tawata: Certain things are just totally changing. It’s becoming okay, now, how do I redefine everything? Now I, because I don’t know what the future truly looks like. And so to me, conversations I had with Jan are very different now because it’s more, how are you able to reshape the next, the next move or how you better reshape what your next plan is going to be?  Folks always had the ability. But now more than ever, you have the ability to be even a huge change agent because you can rewrite the script now.And so knowing your tools that you have, whatever passion that you have, how can you make it your own now because again, you can write your own script, And to see them struggle with that it’s still stressful. But to see them come up with possible solutions is also exciting. I mean, I only saw Jan, up until like, maybe her third year of college. And after that, it’s like I had to let her go, I had to let her kind of venture, I gotta let her fly. And then it’s like, Okay, I hope she’s gonna be okay. And so that’s hundreds of students like that. It’s like, okay, I have to let them go. And then just see how they do. But I always tell them, I’m always on the sidelines for you. And if you ever need to come back to reconnect, to just be a soundboard, I’m more than happy to just kind of hear your story. But that part of even now watching them take flight, in light of everything that’s happening in this world– but also kind of a joy to see what they’re going to do. 

Aliw Pablo:  As a counselor, what would be your advice to students who may be listening to this, but maybe they don’t have a guidance counselor to help them. But what would be your advice for the first step in them wanting to create a change to start their future?

Sheldon Tawata: Talk to Jan and own a scooter. Nah, just joking. That seems to be the secret. But, I think it would be…talk to someone, it may not have to be a, like a college counselor or guidance counselor or whatever, but someone you trust, someone that, you know, won’t pass judgment. And having that space where you can lay out all your ideas on the table, and just have a dialogue. I think that’s where it starts. Because then you’re then in a place where you are, again, free of judgment, and you’re just kind of flowing with your thoughts. And then I think that’s a start.

Aliw Pablo: Would you say that God put Mr. T in your life for a reason? When you look at the path that God has laid out for you, how much of it was divine guidance, you think? 

Jan Valerio:  Oh, definitely. I prayed a lot about my future. And I remember the moment I was inspired to do the work that I wanted to do. I started praying and that’s when I met Mr. T.  And I believe God sent him there. He was a blessing in my life. God put him there.

Aliw Pablo: Well, this was so awesome. I want to thank you both. And you know, Mr. T, when she spoke about you, she just had such, you know, like, a glimmer  in her eyes and so you should have seen her eyes when I said, hey, guess what he called back. He’s got to be on this show. So you know, you said she’s made your day, she’s made your year. I think for Jan, it’s even more so, huh, Jan? This is your dream. This was your dream, number one to be on the podcast. And number two, to get Mr. T on.

Jan Valerio:  Mr. T, I always work behind the camera behind the scenes. I think they think I’m a liability or something when I’m on so, now I’m on!

Aliw Pablo: You can attest to that of all people right, Mr. T?.

Jan Valerio: And I’m so excited to share this platform to be able to thank you because you’re not I know when I left. I said thank you. I emailed you when I left. I said thank you. Maybe five years afterwards, I emailed you again. And I was like, thank you. But I think I will never we’ll never stop being thankful for what you’ve done for me. Like I said before, in high school. There were a lot of can’ts. You were the only one who said “can.”

Sheldon Tawata: Thank you so much, Jan. This is very special. Thank you. Thank you.

Jan: Thank you Making Changes for making this happen!

Aliw Pablo:  Special Thanks to Mr T and Jan, for being part of our thank  you series. Gosh, this episode just goes to show what a difference one person can make in changing someone’s life.

So if you have a “Mr T” that you’d like to thank for making a change in your life, send us a message on our Making Changes instagram account. We’d love to hear from you  and maybe even have you both on the show!  

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Thanks for listening. And may your change uplift you.

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Were Homosexuals Made in God’s Image Too?

Were Homosexuals Made in God’s Image Too?
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What does “God’s image” refer to? Were we all made in God’s image, including homosexuals? Did God make us perfect? You asked, the Bible answers.


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Were Homosexuals Made in God’s Image Too?

Brother Bob Pellien: As Christians, we believe that we were all made in God’s image, but some ask us, “Does that also include homosexuals? Were they also made in God’s image?”

Hello, everyone. Welcome to That’s In The Bible where the basis of the teachings here in the Church Of Christ is first and foremost, the Bible, the Holy Scriptures. And we want to clarify, as we regularly do, that the Bible does not answer just any and all questions, but regarding proper worship, right relationship with God, and most importantly, salvation. Those answers are most definitely here in the Holy Bible.

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That’s in the Bible!

Brother Bob: I’m Bob Pellien, and welcome to the program, That’s In The Bible. 

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Brother Bob Pellien

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Bob: On a recent episode, we addressed some questions about homosexuality, and gender identity, as well as same sex marriage. Today, we’ll be answering a viewer’s question about the nature of people, continuing though in the context of our community members who are homosexual. Patrick emailed and asked, “In Genesis, doesn’t God say He ‘made man in our likeness?’ What does that mean?” That’s from Patrick in Calgary. 

Well, we thank you very much, Patrick, for your question. And what it means to be created in God’s likeness, well, it’s important for all of us to understand. Understanding this will also answer similar questions that we received like: “Were homosexuals made in God’s image too?” Remember, God is perfect. Therefore, does this mean God made us perfect as we are, since we’re in and created in His image? So, in today’s discussion, we’ll be learning more about being created in God’s image from these points of question like: “In what way were we created in God’s image?” And, “Did God make us perfect?” And, “What are the consequences of not upholding the image we were created in?”  

So, dear friends, what does God advise to those, well, when they want to fulfill being created in God’s image, and they believe they were born without the ability to do so?

Let’s address these questions. In order to answer the first question regarding creation, let’s go to the verse being referenced by Patrick in his question, and that’s recorded here in the first book of the Bible, the Book of Genesis, chapter 1, and we’ll read here, you can follow along on the screen, verse 27:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
[Genesis 1:27 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Here, dear friends, we can read that, well, as God’s creations we were made in the image of God. Yes. It should be clear, however, that the image being mentioned, it’s not the physical image. We’re sure of that. Why? Because well, for example, according to I Timothy 1:17, God is invisible. In John 4:24, God is referred to there as a spirit, and that proves He has no flesh and bones, as in Luke 24:39 that spirit does not have flesh and bones. 

It’s clear then and in the image of God being referred to, it’s not then the physical human form. It’s not our body, it’s not our genetics, it’s not our functions, or our features. So in what way, then, are we all created in the image of God? And for that answer, we turn to the writings of Apostle Peter in I Peter 1:15, and 16, it says:

but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”

[I Peter 1:15-16 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: So here, dear friends, we see in what way we were created in God’s image. We were created to be holy. We were created to reflect holiness. God himself said, “Be holy, for I am holy.” Would this mean that we’re automatically holy, that the personality, the characteristics, the essence of being, all that we know of ourselves, is automatically holy? Some might think, “Since I’m like this,” like you know referring to various tendencies or traits in themselves, including homosexuality, “therefore, I’m supposed to be like this.” 

Is that how we should understand these biblical verses, dear friends? God made us perfect, no need to do anything, no need to learn God’s teachings. How can we follow God’s instructions to be holy? What can we use to reflect holiness? How can we become holy and reflect in the likeness of God? We can read the answer here in the book of John, chapter 17. Let’s quote the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, here in verse 17:

Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.

[John 17:17 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: So, dear friends, it’s God’s word, His truth, His instructions, commandments, His laws, is what can make a person holy. How so? Why so? Because it can sanctify someone. God’s laws, His commandments, they are what is good. That’s also mentioned in Romans 7:12, which is why when one follows them, he is sanctified. What’s the meaning of sanctified? To be purified, to be made clean in God’s eyes, or to be made holy, and therefore reflect the image of God, His image of holiness. 

This is the precise reason, dear friends, that the only thing that we, here inside the Church Of Christ, base our faith upon and share to all of you is what is actually written here in the Holy Bible. Because following God’s law is what we were created to do. We were created to reflect the holiness of God, so that we can be and live in the image of God or in His image of holiness. 

Now, we realize that it can be confusing when, especially leaders of different religions, while supposedly leading people to follow the Bible, say things that contradict the Bible. For example, when the Pope tells a gay man, “God made you like this.” 

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“Pope Francis tells gay man: ‘God made you like this’”

The Guardian

Sunday, May 20, 2018

theguardian.com

Brother Bob: In an earlier program, we studied the biblical truths regarding God’s prohibition against same-sex relationships. So anyone who tells a person who is currently living a lifestyle contrary to God’s words, and they would say something like, “God made you this way, so it’s therefore okay,” is obviously not speaking on God’s behalf, not speaking God’s words, but rather from their own opinions and how they have been influenced to believe in their own life, contrary to the word of God. 

Many studies, even debates, have already been done and much research has been published, all in an effort to find a biological or an environmental cause of homosexuality. Scientists have studied, for example, the human anatomy and even neuroanatomy to find out if the cause of homosexuality is biological. But up to now, they still have not found any conclusive proof that it is. The reality is that, up to now, no scientific evidence has been shown that homosexuality is inherited or that an individual is, in fact, born homosexual. So, what does the Bible say about people being created in God’s image, with the instruction to be holy as God is holy, but who have chosen to live a life outside of God’s law? The answer I quote from the Holy Bible once again. Ecclesiastes 7:29 reads this way:

Lo, this is the only reason for it that I have found: God made man upright, but they [men and women] have sought out many devices [for evil].

[Ecclesiastes 7:29 Amplified Bible]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, is there any one of our viewers right now living a life against God’s law? What you have to accept—it’s not the Creator’s fault. The Bible clearly says that God made us upright. He made us the right way. He made us able to be holy with every ability to follow his law. That is the image of God that we were created in, to live a life of holiness and obedience to His law. So why, then, are there those who are not remaining upright? As we just read here, the Bible said because people “have sought out many devices [for evil].”

So, the people living a life against God’s law: No, God did not make you that way. No. God gives us the choice of how to be and how to live. And, dear friends, what are the consequences if we do not live by or, we choose to live, breaking the laws of God? Listen once again to the answer of God. First John chapter three, verse four says:

Whoever sins is guilty of breaking God’s law, because sin is a breaking of the law.

[I John 3:4 Good News Bible]

Brother Bob: The biblical definition of sin, dear friends, is the breaking of God’s law. This is why we cannot accept that there are people born homosexuals, created by God to be on the path of a homosexual lifestyle, or that it is an innate character trait. Because if that were true, it would contradict God’s own teachings written in the Bible. God did not create us to break His law or to be lacking in the ability to abide by it. Remember, dear friends, the Bible says, “God made man upright.” In fact, in other translations of the Bible, it says that God made people good or uncorrupted. Although some would have us believe that there’s nothing wrong with always following one’s own passions and desires, we have to be aware that it is very wrong to do so, if the passion or the desire is what God regards as evil or wrong.

Those that find themselves proudly identifying as homosexuals, how does the Bible describe this kind of passion being that it is outside of God’s law? Well let’s, again, let God answer. These responses are not coming from us. We’re just reading them here in the Holy Scripture. So, for example, in the book of Romans, chapter 1, we’ll read first verse 28, and we’ll also read verse 25, 26, and 27:

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchange the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

[Romans 1:28, 25-27 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, it is the Bible that describes people, women with women, men with men, and described it as going against the nature God created for them. The Bible describes their acts, even calls it shameful, and the kind of passion that they have was called what? To quote the word of God, a “vile passion.” Therefore, living this way, it would not be living in the image of God. 

Is there anyone here in this program, joining us in this program today, that wants to live in the image of God but has homosexual inclinations or desires? What is the advice of the Bible? What guidance can be found in the Holy Scriptures, because God also holds out an invitation for those who hope to live within God’s laws but feel like these desires are out of their control, or these desires are too much for them to deny. Do you feel like you were born that way? There’s an important reminder of our Creator, spoken of by the Apostle Paul in I Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 13. Let’s hear this wonderful pronouncement of our Lord God:

But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it.

[I Corinthians 10:13 The Living Bible]

Brother Bob: The Bible reminds us that we “can trust God to keep that temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. That’s His promise. That’s the love of God. Again, we can see that love of our Creator here, right? He will not place us in a situation where we’re not able to live in His image, or to reflect His image of holiness, to reflect the obedience that will sanctify and purify us. He won’t make that too difficult for us. He will help us. He will help you if you’re feeling those passions, and you know that you need to change them. God is here. It is true that we as human beings, well you know, we have weaknesses right? Which is why it is necessary to follow God’s guidance, follow His laws on our path to holiness.

What should we remember if we ever feel alone in battling the desires to commit sin? Remember what we just read, dear friends. I quote, “remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different.” So, you’re not the first one to have encountered this problem. How then can a person who realizes that he’s not living in the true image of God, which is being holy and upright, and they adjust his or her lifestyle to the way God intended? The answer is also recorded here in the Bible. We turn to the writings of Apostle Paul in Ephesians, chapter 4, verse 21 through 24, he said:

You certainly heard about him, and as his followers you were taught the truth that is in Jesus. So get rid of your old self, which made you live as you used to—the old self that was being destroyed by its deceitful desires. Your hearts and minds must be made completely new, and you must put on the new self, which is created in God’s likeness and reveals itself in the true life that is upright and holy.

[Ephesians 4:21-24 Good News Bible]

Brother Bob: The Bible mentions, dear friends, the first step to renewing our life is to be taught the truth, and it’s only by hearing and learning the truth, which we learned earlier when we read John 17:17 is God’s words that will sanctify, God’s words, that one would then realize the error of their ways.

Does merely realizing it, though, or admitting the error of one’s ways mean that we’re now living in the image of God.? No, of course not. Not yet. So what’s the next step? What do we do now if, “I know that I need to change, I know I need to do something different, I need help?” The next step, what did the Apostle Paul instruct? “Get rid of your old self.” “Which self is that old self that I need to get rid of?” one may ask. Well, the Bible said, it’s the one that “made you live as you used to—the old self that was being destroyed by its deceitful desires.”

So what is needed then, dear friends, to truly get rid of our old self one may ask? Well it says, “Your hearts and minds must be made completely new.” So our idea, our own mind, our own opinion, our own idea of what we call right and wrong, can change, must change. How would a person be able to prove this change in their life? The Bible also said you have to “put on the new self.” What is this new self referring to? The kind of person “created in God’s likeness and reveals itself in true life that is upright and holy.”

God gave us clear instructions on how to pursue the holiness that He created us for. We started this discussion with a few main questions that we hope everyone understands now, as they have been answered by God. 

Brother Bob: Yes, we were all created in God’s image. Yes. But that image was not the physical nature but was the image of holiness, it was our capacity to live upright and to follow God’s commands. God did not create us cookie-cutter perfect specimens of utmost obedience. No. We have weaknesses, failures that are our own responsibility to correct. Thankfully, we have His laws. We have His commands, the guidance He provides to follow, so He’s there with us helping us attain that holiness, that upright stature of being in His likeness that he asks us, asks from us. This is the way of life we were intended to live in the first place, a life in the image of God.

We have learned today the starting process to truly live in God’s image. And that is what we have to do, because  That’s in the Bible.

You know, dear friends, there are many similar topics regarding sexuality and self expression that we’ve been covering and discussing here on the program That’s In The Bible. Some of these have included: How many genders did God create? and Does god support same sex marriage? 

Continue learning about the Iglesia Ni Cristo, the Church Of Christ. Visit us. Visit us online as well and browse the different topics.

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Visit incmedia.org

Brother Bob: Set up an appointment if you’d like to meet with a minister of the gospel. If you have any questions about the Bible, about salvation, please email them to us. 

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answers@incmedia.org

Brother Bob: I’m Bob Pellien. Thanks for watching. See you next time, right here, on That’s In The Bible.

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Posted in Finding Purpose and Direction, That's in the Bible, That’s in the Bible, Video
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