Build Good Habits For a Growth Mindset
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Frendhel: Having self discipline allows you to grow as a person and, not only that, it changes your perspective, it changes your attitude for the better. And what I’ve learned is that because of this, everything around me has changed for the better. If you drive on discipline, you know it has to be done, because it’s good for you, and you think about why you’re doing it – you’re gonna get up and do it. No excuses.
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Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves.
Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.
Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now studies show that in order for a habit to form it takes repetition and a constant conscious effort. Right?
Nan: Yeah and so in today’s discussion we’ll focus not just on any habits but creating good habits for a growth mindset – how an attitude of gratitude, most especially, can impact our daily mindset and help us focus on the good, so we can do good for ourselves and those around us.
Lois Paula: Right. And so for today’s discussion, we will get tips from someone who consistently uses her online presence or digital footprint ,so to say, to spread positivity. So let’s welcome, from Washington State — she is a dental professional by day, and by night she’s not just a mom of two or a fitness enthusiast, a coach; she is also a producer, a correspondent, a content creator with Eagle Broadcasting Corporation and its many motivational segments, let’s welcome Frendhel Fejeran, otherwise known as Den Den.
Nan: Hi Frendhel.
Lois Paula: Hey Frendhel.
Frendhel: Hey what’s good LP and Nan? How are you guys?
Lois Paula: It’s good to have you.
Nan: Great, doing great, doing great. You know, LP I think in your intro you said, “by day and by night”, but I think by super early morning she’s like the workout queen right?, I think that’s what, what she is.
Lois Paula: You’re awake at dark o’clock.
Frendhel: Dark o’clock, that is correct. That is correct. And I’m just really excited to be here on this podcast with you guys. And I don’t think, I mean I love fitness – I wouldn’t quite say that I’m the fitness queen. Although I love fitness and I can be a queen, so I guess you’re right.
Nan: Perfect. Perfect. That’s perfect. We’re so excited to have you here with us, this past year has changed a lot of our perspectives and it’s really given us an opportunity to reflect, to reevaluate our goals right? And of course we all know we’re, we’re to varying degrees of isolation so we’ve really been put in positions to self motivate. So, if you can, Frendhel, help us understand firstly, what is a growth mindset?
Frendhel: So a growth mindset – what I’ve learned how to define it for myself, is being aware that everything that you encounter in life and everything that you experienced, there is a life lesson. So be willing to learn from every experience for self growth and to improve.
Lois Paula: I love that and I like how you said what you’ve learned from you, because there’s so many definitions in the world right now, but just as you are discussing it, it’s how you’re taking it in, your perspective so that you can personally have your growth, you can apply it to your own life. And you know, you are also – yes, you are a fitness enthusiast, you’re a content creator for many motivational segments, but you know speaking of fitness, that in itself is just a big deal in terms of motivation. You consistently share your wellness journey online with your friends and family, which we know it isn’t easy. So how important to you is self discipline and self motivation? How have you made this a habit?
Frendhel: So first I had to think to myself – what are the results of being disciplined? What is the benefit of it and why is this important for myself – not only for myself but for my family? And so when I’ve defined that and for me it’s, being able to work out and having self discipline allows you to grow as a person and, not only that, it changes your perspective, it changes your attitude for the better. And what I’ve learned is that because of this, everything around me has changed for the better. And so when I think about that, think about the positive change, I don’t rely on motivation to get me to the gym or to get me to work out. I rely on discipline. Because if you only rely on motivation, like there will be days where you’re like, “Man I don’t feel like working out. I’m too tired.”, you know? And if you always listen to that voice, you ain’t ever gonna work out, at least not on a consistent basis. You know what I mean? You’ll go work out once a week, twice a week.
Lois Paula: AKA myself. Yeah.
Frendhel: If you drive on discipline, you know it has to be done, because it’s good for you, and you think about why you’re doing it – you’re gonna get up and do it. No excuses. But at the same time, you have to be forgiving, right? Because you just can’t go because mama life takes over, other duties take over, all your other responsibilities and then at that point, you know, you just have to be aware of what is your current priority right now, and be okay with not doing what you had planned to do. Self discipline for sure is, for me, most important.
Nan: That’s really cool to hear, the self discipline portion and how you kind of explained, even motivation. So do you see that the discipline, kind of, applies to other aspects of your life now? Like you’re more disciplined, you know, in anything else – it’s increased your discipline?
Frendhel: Most definitely. And thank you so much for that question. So, every aspect of my life – so I’ll give you an example. One is food. Don’t we love food? Right?
Nan: I do, I do.
Frendhel: Comfort food…
Frendhel: Oh yeah you know how people say they have a sweet tooth.
Lois Paula: Oh yeah.
Frendhel: I have sweet teeth. Like, I love sweets. I love carbs.
Lois Paula: And you are, for how many decades, you know, in the dentistry field?
Frendhel: So I just have to be like, you know, I have to make these changes. I have to be choosy and very selective of what I eat because of my health. So, health-wise, with food choices, discipline has played a huge role in me. I’m not telling you I’m perfect and I’m not telling you that I always make the right decision, but at least I made a conscious effort to make the right decision for my health, ultimately for my family. And another one is checking emails, and responding to them. So I learned in my job, that’s something that I have to do. And so knowing that I have to do it, even though I don’t want to do it. Because I do it consistently, regularly, I’m now applying that with my personal life and my personal emails. And so just, you know, things like that, but truly you can apply that with everything – your faith, as a mom, as a neighbor, as a family member, a sister, a niece, everything. There’s a home for self-discipline.
Nan: Right, definitely, and you know it’s interesting because once, once you have that discipline and you apply it to your life it’s like you’re just creating good habits. We know how important creating good habits are, it sets us up for success right so what about tips. What are some ways you stay motivated to keep moving?
Lois Paula: Yes because we need your energy Frendhel.
Frendhel: Podcast hugs! So some tips, being forgiving, for one, right? Just forgive yourself and make room for regress. Like, be aware that you are going to fall back. But when you fall back, you have to remember that it’s only prepping you for a come back. Right? So with every fall back there’s a come back. And when it comes to the habits, you can, be realistic. Okay, so for example for me this year, my goal is to develop new 12 healthy habits this year. I’m not going to try and develop 12 habits at one time. Because I know that’s just gonna stress me out. You know, in a life of mindfulness and just mental wellness, I’m not going to stress myself out when I don’t need to. So I’m just going to choose one skill or one habit that I’m gonna work on for an entire month. Because as you know right, they say, depending on what you read, it’s either 21 days or 27 days of consistency where you will build a habit. So why not dedicate one month to one habit? Right? And so, for me, my first one is proper skincare before you fall asleep at night. That was January and, oh man, I was so good, so good for 20 days. And then that one day, I was like, “Aww man I’m tired.”. But that’s okay, because, you know, you pick back up, as long as you don’t give up – that’s the key. Like, you don’t want to give up. Yeah, so pretty much dedicating the one habit for the one month – being aware, being realistic with your goals. This month I’m working on doing skin care with my girls now. Because now that it has become a habit of mine, I get to have skin care parties with my girls. Right, so in hopes that they too will develop that habit.
Lois Paula: Which that’s quality time as well. Yeah.
Frendhel: Exactly, quality time. It’s fun and they are helping themselves.
Lois Paula: And I love that because you prove to yourself that you can do it as a habit so now it’s something you’re imparting to your children.
Frendhel: Exactly.
Lois Paula: Awesome. And these are great ideas of how, you know, you maintain just habits in general but what if, like you said earlier, we’re human, we get tired, and sometimes you know we don’t necessarily want to move forward because we feel like we’re doing okay as is. We’re comfortable. There’s not necessarily a, like you said, a cause and reaction to, if we don’t push ourselves to move forward. Is that a right mindset to you, you know, and if not, what can we do to push ourselves forward?
Frendhel: So let me ask our listeners this. If you knew that eating one potato chip was gonna cause obesity, like, the next minute, would you eat that potato chip?
Nan: No. (laughter)
Lois Paula: I would say no. (laughter)
Frendhel: So, the point of that question is you have to push yourself, and the way you can push yourself is thinking about the consequences, you know? And there are negative and positive consequences. So, what is it that you want? What kind of life do you want? Do you want a meaningful life? Do you want to experience new things? Do you want to give out more to the world? Do you want to give out more to your family – to yourself? When you answer those questions, then you have to ask yourself how do I do that? What is required of me? And you have to know that, with any kind of growth in your life, is gonna come with discomfort and it’s gonna come with pain, it’s gonna come with stress, but it’s also fun. But what we need to do is bring ourselves to another level of self awareness. And once we figure that out, then it would be easier to get over our, the lack of better terms, laziness to move onward. And it’ll help us just live outside our comfort zone. And we hear that all the time right? Like, if you don’t change, nothing’s going to change. So if you want change. You got to change.
Frendhel: Once you change for yourself, everything around you will change without force.
Lois Paula: I love that and I love how strategic you have become with all of your actions, with all of the planning, it’s, it’s a process. You have to really think about, like you said, what do we want in this life? Is it a life of purpose and, and meaning and how am I going to get there? And you know, we talk about habits of just everyday growth, of progress, but here, you know, on Kindness Moves, on this podcast, we really shed a light on, not just changing your mindset, but also having an attitude of gratitude to help us grow and well, grow as well.
Frendhel: You know, being aware of my thoughts and my attitude and my action has afforded me a lot of joy. And this is why – because I noticed that everyone that I talked to, or just like my family or my patients, my co workers – we have a pretty good time you know? And I want to also be that energy, that vibe that that will only bring you value. I don’t want to waste any time with anyone. And it’s not me, having a motivational speech with you. It’s not about that. It’s simply your smile, the way you communicate; you leave people feeling good. And when you leave people feeling good about themselves, they’re going to pay that forward right? And that’s the whole point of acts of kindness. You want to share and be contagious and infectious the right way.
Frendhel: And that’s kind of like my life goal like when people are around me it’s like, they’re in my space, they’re in my home. How do I want to treat them in my home? How do I want them to leave when they’re not around me anymore? You know, what do you want to offer them? What kind of value do you want to give? And why do you want to give this? Because you want to help.
Frendhel: For me, and, and some of the listeners that are in the act of service – and I know you are because you’re listening to this awesome podcast. You know, that’s what we want to do, so we’re gonna do whatever we can. And for those that aren’t naturally approachable or outgoing or smiley, that’s okay. You don’t have to be fake, right? But if it’s in your heart to want to give more to others, trust me, they will feel that. And again, it doesn’t even have to come from words – from your, just the way your presence is. And whenever you’re right in your heart, that’s what they will feel. And I also like to say this. Whatever you say from the heart, it goes to the heart. And that comes with your gestures too, and your actions. If it’s coming from the heart, it’s going to hit the hearts of others.
Nan: That’s beautiful.
Lois Paula: And it’s so powerful that you put it that way. You exude that all the time Frendhel. That’s why you are here today speaking on this very topic. Because you are — you have that smile. Where do you get that inspiration from Den if we can ask you? You wake up every morning, and again, you’re up so early, you have, you know, a million things just as every, you know, parent and worker has these days. But you keep going and you still have this positive mind, where do you get that from? What’s your inspiration?
Frendhel: My inspiration is my faith. Number one and I – I didn’t think that was gonna tug at my heart. But that is my inspiration – is my membership in the Church Of Christ. My inspiration is — what our purpose is in life – to be a light. My inspiration is finally realizing that because of what your purpose is, you are valuable, you are worth it, you have something to offer, and knowing that gives me this God confidence, which is, with His help, and with His guidance, anything is possible. The sky is really the limit. And so that’s why I’m just excited about waking up, I’m excited to share that with others because every single person has something to offer that can help save a life. So that is my inspiration, my ultimate inspiration.
Frendhel: And after that, of course, is my family. My girls. My number one dream, when I was growing up, is to have a family. Well no, first I had to get married, number one was to get married. Then to have some kids, and to teach these kids to know and to love God. And that is something that has come true. And every day I need to show God that I recognize that He has brought life to this dream and I have to nurture it, cherish it every day.
Lois Paula: I love that and you’re living by example.
Nan: Yeah totally.
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Lois Paula: And we also ask you, our listeners, our kindness ambassadors to chime in, you know, while you’re listening, while you’re performing your acts of kindness about how kindness moves you. So for this particular episode, before we continue with our discussion with Frendhel, here’s what Samantha Rimando from Southern Ontario, Canada had to say about how she’s motivated each day to take steps forward to help others. Take a listen.
Samantha Rimando: the thing that I’ve realized is … doing one thing today, you’re already farther than where you were yesterday. Don’t be scared. I think that was one of my biggest things, don’t be scared to ask for help. You go back to the INC Giving quote. And it’s like whenever you possibly can do good to those who need it. And I just hold on to that because I feel like I’ve been graced with everyone who has always treated me with kindness. So moving forward, I want to treat people with kindness. People are hardened by this world, it’s like if you keep feeding them that kindness, I feel like that can give you peace, that will give you intenral peace and that is what people might be missing in the world.
Nan: Thank you so much Samantha for sending in your thoughts on how kindness moves you. Visit incgiving.org to hear Samantha’s full story. You get to hear and see how she’s helping young female professionals through “A Sister Movement”, which is a really really cool story so please give it a watch and a listen.
But on the show today. It’s been really really fun. I’ve really enjoyed hearing Frendhel speak to us and share with us her experiences. So we’ve received some great tips today from Frendhel – how to create good habits for a growth mindset that allow us to do more good for ourselves, and especially for others.
Lois Paula: It’s been extremely encouraging to remember that, while it isn’t easy, Frendhel’s reminded us that with persistence, you know, having God confidence, like you said, through prayer, it is very doable if we incorporate an attitude of gratitude consistently, you know, so acts of kindness really do become second nature.
Nan: Right, so Frendhel, we’d like to open it up to you one last time for any final words of encouragement that you’d like to share or maybe even acts of kindness that you’ve witnessed yourself or even received that have been life changing for you.
Frendhel: Yes, I would like to share with everyone that every single person in your life has something to give you. And I’m telling you every single person in your life. And we can learn from everyone and that’s part of having a growth mindset; is knowing that with every single person in your life, with every experience, there is a lesson to be learned to help you live a more meaningful present, that will prepare you for an awesome tomorrow.
Frendhel: The acts of kindness that I’ve seen for myself, is, I want to take it to the pandemic times, okay. So, not only does the, Iglesia Ni Cristo reach out and help the community on a really big scale. The community that I also live in here on a smaller scale, just my neighbors, there are so many people on our community Facebook that was offering their help to the elderly, to run their errands, to do whatever, you know, just to be of assistance. There are parents who have offered their homes to bring in a couple more of their, the children in their neighborhood so that they can go online, do remote learning together with their own children. And not only that, but because some parents have to work. And so seeing the community get together like that was very moving to me.
Frendhel: And, on a regular basis, on a daily basis, and it might be small to some of you but it’s always huge to me – just taking the opportunity to say hello to someone, and to ask for their name, and to ask how they’re doing. That is a huge act of kindness that goes a very long way, not financially. But you’re feeding their heart and you’re feeding their mind with something that they can use throughout their day. Because whenever you feel that you are actually noticed and acknowledged, wow, you know? And imagine if you yourself, recognize it within yourself like, wow, wow, people actually appreciate my smile. And then you do that more and then that person believes that wow my smile is actually contagious. And then everybody’s smiling, and it’s not fake anymore. And even though we have our masks on – yes, we could still tell, we could still tell you’re smiling or not. But, you know, just as simple as a hello. A warm hello is a huge act of kindness.
Lois Paula: I love that because we talk about, you know, acts of kindness, we talk about projects and efforts and really big elaborate, you know, planned out activities and things that you can do with your family or with yourself or in your community we talked about all of those things with the INC Giving Project and, you know, inspired by the things that we learned through the Church Of Christ. But here we are discussing on a very, I want to say minimal, but it’s so powerful. It’s just the presence of being positive, and really truly feeling it. And then, being that light, like you said, you know, for others to see, to see that we are Christians and this is our gift and this is who we are and if we can some way help you throughout your day, then I’m going to be here all day to give it to you. So, thank you so much Frendhel just for saying that and for sharing and giving us that perspective on how to just be disciplined, like you said, and looking at it as discipline because we have to do it. It’s something that we, we have to do.
Nan: Yeah, thank you so much Frendhel. You know, it’s been really a treat to hear you just really express it the way that you’ve expressed it, and even the whole saying hello and smiling you know, I know you said oh it might be a small thing to some people but it’s huge to you, and you know I can totally see that because I think, to a degree like you can get kind of numb to the fact that people don’t smile or don’t say hello, right? So, when you finally do encounter someone that does say hello or gives you a smile like, it’s so impactful right and even for if you’re on the opposite side where you’re the one giving a smile or saying hello, like it makes you feel even better when you actually go and do it. But, yeah, the smile and the hello, is, is a huge, huge gesture. So thanks for sharing that. We really appreciate your time. And we look forward to seeing more of what you do on social media. But um, yeah we just want to say thank you.
Frendhel: Oh, it’s such a blessing. This is a huge blessing. I really appreciate just being considered to be part of this wonderful movement through this podcast so thank you so much LP and Nan for, for giving your time to hear my story about growth mindset.
Nan: Of course, of course.
Lois Paula: Thank you Frendhel.
Frendhel: You’re welcome!
Nan: We hope you’ll join us and listen to the other guests in the future episodes, because there’s a lot of really, really awesome and bright, shining people just like you, that are going to be sharing their story. In our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions on letting positivity drive our actions amidst sickness and adversity and how no matter what age, it’s cool to be kind.
Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s so much more to come. Thank you for tuning in to all our listeners. I’m Lois Paula.
Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas and how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org, and add us to your playlists to favorites or download more episodes on Google podcast, I Heart Radio and Apple podcast.
Lois Paula: Remember, act now make your move and do good, because kindness matters — it’s meaningful, it motivates, kindness moves.
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