Protecting Family Bonds in the Digital Age

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INC International Edition

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THE PROBLEM WITH TECHNOLOGY

Man: You live in a unique and strange world. We humans are so advanced that we’ve shaped the world around us using technology and since the beginning of the information age, and especially since the 2000s our own bodies are being flooded by artificial impressions. 

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Brother Bob Pellien: The rapid advancement of technology in the last two decades has drastically changed how billions of people live and communicate. 

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Today’s topic: THE IMPACT OF EXCESSIVE TECHNOLOGY USE ON FAMILY BONDS

Brother Bob Pellien: Internet and social media use have surged with almost everyone having a smartphone, computer, tablet, and spending time online, posting and communicating. However, does this technology pose risks to individuals and families? What should parents be cautious about regarding their own and their children’s interactions with social media and online activities. 

Brother Bob Pellien: I’m Bob Pellien. Let’s go to the Bible’s responses to these questions today, right here on the Iglesia Ni Cristo International Edition. And joining us today in this very important discussion is Brother Donald Pinnock in Toronto, Canada. Brother Marvin Adriano in Paris, France and on an island of Saipan, Brother Julius Malabanan from Saipan in the Northern Marianas Islands. Hello, Brothers, and welcome to our program. 

Happy Day, Brother Bob. 

How are you, Brother Bob? 

Thank you for having us.

Brother Bob Pellien: Thank you all for being here and contributing to this important discussion about technology. So let’s get right into it, Brothers. 

Brother Bob Pellien: First of all, we all know that and what’s been noticed concerning the accelerated development of technology. No one can live on this planet, right without noticing how fast technology is advancing. Let’s go around the world. First, Brother Donald, let’s go to you and Canada. What have you noticed up there? 

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Donald Pinnock

Toronto, Canada

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Donald Pinnock: Well, Brother Bob, before I answer your question directly, please permit me to read an excerpt from an online article. And the article is entitled, “The impact of rapid technological change on sustainable development.” And the website can be seen on the screen. 

Recent decades have seen a dramatically accelerating pace in the development and adoption of new technologies, even though various gaps persist in terms of adoption in different parts of the world, especially in the least developed countries. This rapid technological change is affecting almost every area of the economy, society and culture.
-The impact of rapid technological change on sustainable development, unctad.org

Brother Donald Pinnock: Please note, dear viewers, that this rapid technological change is affecting almost every area of the economy, society and culture. Very, very definite. Here in Canada, this is exactly what is happening. And I believe it’s not just in Canada. In fact, it is all over the world.

Brother Bob Pellien: Wait a minute there. Excuse me, Brother Donald, you know, some, some may inject this argument or saying, “Well, that the advancement of technology, it’s good, you know. Including the means of communication, the social media, it’s having, many would say, it’s having a positive effect on people’s lives. For example, students, well, they can use it to help in their studies, doing all kinds of wonderful research, right? Others would say, maybe when it comes to their livelihood, the internet and social media and research capacities, it’s a positive thing. So what would we say, Brothers, if to those who would say that this is a positive advancement in human existence, is that true?

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Marvin Adriano

Paris, France

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Marvin Adriano: Well, Brother Bob, not entirely, as we can glean from this following excerpt, again, from an online article entitled, “The Influence of Technology on Family Dynamics” he says here, I quote:

A powerful tool that contemporary society uses not only to entertain, but also to communicate and educate. There is an ever-present availability of media access. However, there was an ongoing debate over whether or not the power of this influence and its ubiquitous availability yields positive or negative consequences in different aspects of our lives. One area of concern in particular is the dynamics of the American family. It was apparent that media does affect the way a family unit socializes, and as a result, their relationship.
-The Influence of Technology on Family Dynamics, Allessondra Villegas, Fordham University

Brother Marvin Adriano: So Brother Bob, as we can understand from what we have read, even though technology, including media, is proliferating, others have observed such an advancement is affecting how a family unit socializes. And thus the relationship between family members.

Brother Bob Pellien: I think many have probably witnessed that, that taking place here in my family. When the grandkids visit, you know, we always have to have those things set aside. We don’t get to see them enough. So when they’re there, the family’s attention needs to be on one another. Is that how you’re experiencing it there as well, Brother Marvin?

Brother Marvin Adriano: Yes, that’s very true. Brother Bob. Just like what Brother Donald said, and what you said a while ago, wherever you go, people are usually glued to their devices, using social media or using the internet, Brother Bob.

Brother Bob Pellien: That’s really true, but, but hold on a second. You know, there may be those, perhaps, that conclude as they witness in their own lives, the use of these technologies and what, as I was saying earlier, really want to insist the effect is positive, not not negative. 

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Today’s topic: THE IMPACT OF EXCESSIVE TECHNOLOGY USE ON FAMILY BONDS

Brother Bob Pellien: And consider this, Brothers, aren’t people now able to keep in touch with their loved ones and in such because of the advancement in technologies and smartphones and all such things as that, isn’t this all a good thing? 

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Julius Malabanan

Saipan, Northern Marianas

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Julius Malabanan: Here in the Commonwealth of Northern Marianas Islands, especially here in the island of Saipan Brother Bob, that is quite true. The advancement of technology allows people to communicate with one another almost immediately, and it really is an advancement for many.  But sad to say, when it comes to the relationship between people, the communication between siblings, between friends, between parents and children, it’s not that positive. When we read an online article entitled “Impact of Social Media Addiction in Families,” where the following is stated negative interactions triggered by social media, and I quote:

The impact of social media is a powerful one. Most often technology can bring forth negative interaction or zero interaction, between siblings, couples or parent and child. It stars the family of learning, modeling with each other’s social cues, international or interpersonal skills, relationships and communication skills and bonding.
-Impact of Social Media Addiction in Families, Addictionhope.com

Brother Julius Malabanan: And this is what we can see. So in this article, it says that there is zero or negative interaction, and that’s proven. Can you imagine, if a family is going out to dinner for say, they are in the same car, they’re heading to the same place, but each one of them has a cell phone going to wherever they’re going to go for dinner. They don’t have any kind of conversation. Everyone is so focused on their cell phone, doing their own thing, doing what pleases them. So even here, in this island of Saipan, we see that as well. For me as a parent, we make certain that whenever I pick up my daughter or whenever she comes home from school. The first thing I would ask is, “how was your day? What did you learn at school? Were there any issues?” I make it a point that we have a conversation about how she’s feeling, how she’s doing throughout the day.

Brother Marvin Adriano: Yes, Brother Julius, and since interacting with social media is usually not a group, but rather a personal activity, this can lead to a lack of communication and interaction between members of the household, and thus weakening the bond between the family members. 

Brother Julius Malabanan: It’s so important, and it’s so imperative that relationships between parents and children are not fractured due to the individual members of the family being so absorbed in their own little world. Whenever they have that cell phone or gadget in front of them. Everyone has their responsibilities, but parents should be the first and foremost to make certain that that relationship is cultivated, and that relationship is built by interpersonal communication.

Brother Bob Pellien: And you’re saying there Brother Julius, that parents have the responsibility to ensure that the technology does not interrupt that family bonding, right? 

Brother Julius Malabanan: Yes, yes, absolutely. 

Brother Bob Pellien: But how can they do that? How can parents, Brothers, how can they do their part to make sure that, you know, the family dynamics do not deteriorate, but always are strengthened and built up. And most important, what guidance can the Bible provide to the family regarding this topic about technology? Friends, that’s where we’re going to pick up this important discussion right after this short break. Stay with us right here on the Iglesia Ni Cristo International Edition. 

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INC International Edition

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Today’s topic: THE IMPACT OF EXCESSIVE TECHNOLOGY USE ON FAMILY BONDS

Brother Bob Pellien:  Welcome back, everyone. I’m your host Brother Bob Pellien. Before we took that short break, we discussed how the proliferation of technology can ultimately harm the interpersonal relationships between friends and most especially family members within a household. 

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Bob Pellien

San Francisco, California

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Bob Pellien: Let’s go to you here, Brother Donald. Within the household, who should take the lead in making sure that online use of technology never does become detrimental to the synergy, the unity that should always be evident within the family, inside the Church Of Christ and in accordance with the teachings of God in the Holy Bible. Who’s got that responsibility?

Brother Donald Pinnock: Well, going directly to the answer Brother Bob, it is none other than the parents. That’s why, when it comes to my family, even though my children are grown up, one of them also has a family, we try to make sure that we have that time when everybody can get away from the lure of being online or in cyberspace to actually have a relationship with, you know, somebody who’s living right there in front of you. 

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Donald Pinnock

Toronto, Canada

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Donald Pinnock: And again, when it comes to the attraction of, you know, being online, when it comes to the internet, when it comes to social media, it is very attractive, especially for the younger generation. But still, when it comes to the parents, we have to do our part to make sure that we still have the opportunity, we have that strong relationship with our children and the children, in turn, they should learn from us. And this is substantiated by what the Bible teaches here in Proverbs 22 the verse is 6: 

If you train/teach children to do what is right, all during their life they will act/behave in that manner.
-Proverbs 22:6 Translation For Translators

Brother Donald Pinnock: Regardless of the personal schedule, then of each family member, because it’s easy to say, we’re busy, the parents should create times to be physically spent with their children who are still living at home, and even when it comes to those who, perhaps have moved out to the home. It could be as simple as having a meal together, as mentioned by Brother Julius, how sometimes there are those who they view as they go to a restaurant and they see a family gathered together. But what happens while waiting for their meals? For example, everybody is on their phone. We should try to have a meal together with our family members without the distraction of any kind of gadget, including cell phones, tablets or just staring at a TV screen or perhaps even going for a walk. There is something healthy for every family member to do. A family outing, playing board games or just a family discussion. But the sublime goal there is to inculcate in the heart and mind of the children to do what is right, to utilize their time wisely. Because, sad to say, there are too many who are spending excessive time online when not necessary, when they could be doing something more beneficial for themselves or for the family.

Brother Marvin Adriano: Yes, Brother Donald, so sacrifices would have to be made, including, for example, time away from using the internet. 

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Marvin Adriano

Paris, France

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Marvin Adriano: However, on such occasions, Brother Donald, when all the members of the household are present, will help to strengthen the bond between family members. In fact, what we’re seeing right now, Brothers, is that parents sometimes, sadly, which is very sad that they’re the ones who are far more addicted to their devices than their children. Let’s watch this video:

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Woman: People have a point. Adults are just as guilty. And the fact is, ask any kid, ask any kid, “do your parents bring the phone to the dinner table? Do you even eat at the dinner table together? Do you have a conversation? Or is everybody on their phone? Or after dinner is over and it’s cleaned up, what’s everybody doing? Are they all like this?” And when you’re sitting with your family that isn’t the time to be on your phone.

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Brother Marvin Adriano: And some parents are aware of this bad habit that they have resulted to this to control themselves. 

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Woman: If you’re a mom, do you find yourself either mindlessly scrolling when your kids are playing and you just have nothing to do? Or binge scrolling when they go to bed? I am embarrassed by my cell phone usage. I started locking my phone at night for like three to four hours so I can get work done and just so I can actually be present and not just waste my life on my phone. When you lock it, it is locked for good. You can’t get it out. There’s no like overriding it, and it shows you the amount of time you’ll have left until you can have your phone.

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Brother Bob Pellien: Brothers, that video really indicates just how addicted some people can be to their devices where they actually have to lock them up. 

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Today’s topic: THE IMPACT OF EXCESSIVE TECHNOLOGY USE ON FAMILY BONDS

Brother Bob Pellien: Is there anything else that parents need to do in order to nurture that bond between them, themselves and their children, and anything else that can be done, Brother Marvin?

Brother Marvin Adriano: Yes, Brother Bob, we always consult what our Lord God says as written in the Bible. Let’s read Proverbs 31 and verse is 27: 

She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.
-Proverbs 31:27 New Life Testament

Brother Marvin Adriano: So, Brother Bob the mother as well as the father, should be diligent in knowing what is going on in their family and in their home. Parental supervision is not just limited to knowing who our children are spending time with outside the home, but even, even when they are even surfing online.

Brother Julius Malabanan: I agree with you, Brother Marvin. 

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Julius Malabanan

Saipan, Northern Marianas

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Julius Malabanan: Parents should have that concern for their children. But some parents might be thinking to themselves, “I watch my children.” But are they watching them carefully? What would a careful parent be doing? They would remind their children about the time that they spend on their gadgets. Are they spending it viewing, surfing the things on the internet, or are they using it for the benefit of their studies? Are they using their time wisely? That’s why parents who carefully watch their children should put limits as to the use of the gadgets that they provide their children.

Brother Donald Pinnock: If we can also add Brother Julius, for young children, parents can utilize the parental controls that many internet services or gadgets provide so that unsuitable websites and subject matter can be blocked from being visited by the young ones. It’s a great mistake for a parent just to give their phone or gadget to the children. And in truth, when it comes to the younger generation, they are so adept when it comes to using that kind of technology, the danger is they could be surfing anywhere, and we’re talking about sites that could be very detrimental when it comes to the upbringing, especially members inside the church, when it comes to that spiritual upbringing and the future of that child.

Brother Bob Pellien: Hold on a second there. Brother Donald, let me inject here, because, you know, I’m listening to what you’re saying, Brothers, you know, I can see some of our young viewers, just like rolling their eyes and saying, what’s with all the worry? What’s with what’s the problem? I know what I’m doing, what’s with the restrictions you guys are talking about. Why would you want to control it? How can I ever grow up? They might say, they might say, you’re taking away my independence, taking away my freedom, as when parents would restrict their children’s gadget use, limiting the times in such places with such kinds of parental controls. It’s normal they want and feel they deserve some space to grow in their independence, and they find that they could do that sometimes online. Is that a good thing, Brother Donald?

Brother Donald Pinnock: Brother Bob, in truth, such children should understand not only the reason why parenting is so important, but also the benefit if they listen and follow the instructions of their parents. And that’s why we can read here in Proverbs 1 the verses are 8 to 10 the following: 

My son, listen to your father when he corrects you. And don’t ignore what your mother teaches you. The things your parents teach you are like a nice hat or a beautiful necklace that makes a person look even better. My son, some people love to do bad things— and those people will try to make you do bad things too. Don’t listen to them!
-Proverbs 1:8 to 10 Easy To Read Version

Brother Donald Pinnock: Children should spend time to respectfully listen to what their parents are advising them. As long as what they are teaching is in accordance with the teachings or the commandments of the Lord our God. The children should be receptive to what their parents are relaying to them and to implement these reminders in their life. And above all else, children should understand it is out of love, out of love of the parents for them, the children that they give such advice.

Brother Marvin Adriano: Yes, Brother Donald, children should be receptive to the call of the parents for family activities or conversations. For example, when parents ask their children to put down their devices, to stop using the internet or social media the children, in fact, every family member should be prepared to forgo time online or on social media, to do their part. Because this is very, very important in strengthening the family unit itself. 

Brother Bob Pellien: I don’t think anybody would disagree with Brother Marvin, that’s so important for not, not just for the children, but even for parents, if they’re also spending so much time on their devices. 

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Today’s topic: THE IMPACT OF EXCESSIVE TECHNOLOGY USE ON FAMILY BONDS

Brother Bob Pellien: But why else should children pay attention to the sound advice and the instructions of their parents about these things regarding technology and regarding any topic whatsoever for that matter? 

Brother Julius Malabanan: Brother Bob, allow me to read what is recorded in The Holy Scriptures from First Corinthians 15 and 33 and this is what it states:

Do not be fooled. “Bad companions ruin good character.”
-I Corinthians 15: 33 Today’s English Version

Brother Julius Malabanan: As the Bible testifies that children should be aware that bad companions really ruin good character. Our children should understand that there will be no one in this world that will love them, care for them, protect them more than mom and dad. That’s why all of the efforts that the parents put into to make sure that their son and daughter become a good citizen, a good person, would be ruined by someone who they follow, maybe on social media, they would like the things that these people are doing, these so called “influencers” in social media. They might think and might be trapped to thinking that what they’re doing, though it goes against the commandment and will of God might be the right thing to do. They should understand that parents are inherent to us. I know it is for me in my household, I will want to protect my daughter and my family from anyone who wants to do them harm. So children should really take heed to what the Bible teaches. The wisdom in the words of God, that bad companions do ruin good character.

Brother Bob Pellien: And isn’t it true? Brother Julius, those bad companions, they won’t necessarily always just be walking through the door, climbing in the window, they’ll be coming in through the screen and the device of your child with their errant ideologies and philosophical reasonings to try and infiltrate the mind and the thought of a family member, and that’s why parents need to be so careful in making sure that the next generation is well well protected. What else should children also be aware of, Brother Marvin? 

Brother Marvin Adriano: Well, Brother Bob, children should also not become preoccupied. More so addicted to being online for excessive hours each day. Yes, using the internet, using social media, there are times that it’s very important for the advancement of once, for example, study or what they do, which is very important in their daily lives. But the time spent online has nothing to do with this. Studies or means of livelihood, but rather is being squandered wasted by playing non-stop video games or viewing unwholesome programs. Instead, they should reciprocate the efforts and advice of the parents to spend time participating in family activities. This is very important.

Brother Donald Pinnock: This is why parenting in the Church Of Christ is taken very seriously, dear viewers. Since the Bible is replete with proof that God not only wants every member of the family doing their part to create and then maintain a harmonious household, but also to constantly receive the outpouring of His blessings due to their compliance to His commandments. And we can truly say the ultimate blessing of the Lord our God, is salvation and the attainment of eternal life. That’s why, inside the Church Of Christ, when it comes to the family, it is well looked after because of the teachings of God that we constantly receive.

Brother Bob Pellien: Why is it that all members of the family must take time and exert effort to be with each other? It’s really, really very important, is it not, Brother Donald?

Brother Donald Pinnock: Well, to answer that question, Brother Bob, let’s read Psalms 27 and verses 10: 

My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me.
-Psalms 27:10 Good News Bible

Brother Donald Pinnock: This is a fact of life, as we know it. When it comes to death. and family members have limited time with one another. Under normal circumstances, the parents will be laid to rest before the children. They will physically no longer be around for the welfare or to take care of their sons and daughters. But before that time comes, all the members of the family should make sure that to the best of their ability, they have been able to say and prove their sincere love for one another through the many shared activities and conversations that they would have enjoyed throughout the years, archived in videos and pictures, but more so in their memories and their heart, so that there will be no regrets when it is already too late. And for members of the Church Of Christ, ultimately, the goal is for parents and children to be together in our true home, that heavenly kingdom that God has promised to his chosen people. 

Brother Bob Pellien: My dear friends, we’d like to thank Brother Donald Pinnoch in Toronto, Canada, Brother Marvin Adriano in Paris, France, as well as Brother Julius Malabanan there in the Commonwealth of Northern Marianas Islands. We’d like to thank you Brothers for giving to us the Bible based answers, so that, as the Apostle Peter said to the members of the Church: 

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.
-I Peter 3:15 New International Version

Brother Bob Pellien: That’s First Peter 3:15. Well, that does it for us here on the Iglesia Ni Cristo International Edition, we hope you will join us again next time. I’m Brother Bob Pellien, thanks for watching.

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