How exciting! You’re officially engaged to be married, and… Now what? Do you start wedding planning right away? Can you wait to start planning? Where do you even start with wedding planning? Should you start thinking about planning beyond the wedding? Are your nerves starting to kick in?All of these questions, all of your feelings, are completely normal and are to be expected. Wedding planning is unchartered territory, right? Of course there’s a lot of uncertainty with how to proceed.
The road to engagement
Maybe you’re not even engaged yet. Are you planning on proposing soon, and have you thought about how to execute your perfect proposal? Perhaps you want it to be just you and your future fiance(e) present, or maybe someplace special to both of you, just like how Darryl proposed to Jasmine. Listen to that episode if you want to hear all of the details.
Even before this stage of your relationship, open up the dialogue about some serious topics. Here are some things to consider:
- How ready are you for marriage?
- Remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment, so be certain that you are both prepared for this next step. Financially, mentally, emotionally, and especially in your faith, are you at the same or similar stages?
- Starting a family
- How soon after marriage would you like to start a family, and how many children are you planning to have?? How do you plan to parent and raise your children?
Discussing this early on in your relationship, and praying together about your plans and aspirations, will definitely help in shaping your future together.
Wedding Planning
When to Start?
There are factors, such as how long your engagement will be, what type of wedding reception venue you’re looking for, how many guests you’d like to accommodate, that will affect how early wedding planning should start. Take advantage of free online printable wedding checklists or purchase a wedding planner book, with helpful timelines, that provides guidance for couples getting married.
Imagine planning a wedding during a pandemic, like Kara and Alvin. They had their own method, using spreadsheets, of keeping track of their progress and ensured they had open lines of communication during the planning process.
Let’s Talk Budget!
If you are currently on the road to marriage, one thing many newlyweds have mentioned is their wish to have been better prepared financially, not just for the wedding itself but even for married life afterwards.
Find out how Chris and Alyssa had their tough conversation about finances before even getting engaged in “Buying Your First House as Newlyweds.” They share some great tips about budgeting and saving. In addition, other topics of conversation to consider are your goals.
- Short-term and long-term goals:
- What timeline are you looking at to become homeowners?
- How many vacations do you want to take every year, and what types of vacations?
- What are your retirement plans?
Family & Friends
The pressure to invite every single friend and family member to your wedding can be heavy. But those who truly love you will understand your situation and be happy for you and your union whether they’re physically at your wedding or not. Those you do invite, try to make things easy for them by keeping them updated with your plans, especially if they need to travel for your nuptials.
What are You Envisioning?
Most women have in mind the ‘wedding of their dreams,’ but it’s important for you and your future spouse to be on the same page as to how you want your wedding to be. Some might want a small and intimate wedding in a quaint venue, and others might opt for hundreds of guests at an opulent reception venue. It’s important for you to stay true to yourselves and not succumb to the expectations of others. Most importantly, learn to ‘roll with the punches’ so to speak, because things will inevitably change and unexpected roadblocks might arise.
For example, what if you weren’t certain your wedding was going to even happen, because of changes in government restrictions? And what if you had to completely change your honeymoon plans, like Sean and Vanessa? If you want to find out where they would have gone on their honeymoon, listen to their episode!
God’s Guidance For Couples Getting Married
The one thing to remember is that the ultimate goal is being united as husband and wife. During your important marriage seminars in the Church Of Christ, you’ll be guided by biblical teachings to help you prepare for marriage God’s way.
Keeping in mind the most important reason for marriage, becoming one before God, the rest of the ‘bells and whistles’ of your big day, if and when they fall into place, are just icing on the cake.
Helpful Wedding Planning Tips
For now, here are some wedding planning tips we asked a few newlywed couples to share with us:
- Talk about finances!
- Set financial expectations and agree on a budget for the wedding together.
- Responsibly take advantage of credit card promotions and/or sign up bonuses for wedding expenses.
- You can use the travel points later to fund your honeymoon! But this can be a slippery slope—make sure you do your research and understand whether this is right for your financial situation.
- Look very closely at the fine print
- With your vendors, look at what their rules are for cancellations and postponements. Talk to friends who have already gotten married and get some referrals for vendors they were happy with.
- Schedule dates to sit down and plan, but also take breaks from wedding planning.
- Try to stay as organized as possible, but it can get stressful and overwhelming at times. Remember to find joy in the process!
- Letting go of perfection
- If you can relinquish your expectations of how your “perfect” wedding should turn out, you’ll definitely be less stressed. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
- If you can relinquish your expectations of how your “perfect” wedding should turn out, you’ll definitely be less stressed. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Once You’re Husband and Wife
Adjustments and Pleasant Surprises
As strange as it may sound, you might experience moments of homesickness because of leaving everything familiar to you. Kenneth shares how he tried to help Abbie when she went through these emotions in the first months after their wedding.
Because you’ve never lived with one another before, there will be a huge learning curve when it comes to your daily routines and habits. Some will drive you crazy, and some you’ll learn to adapt to. Listen to how Darnelh and Kim maneuvered their way around this issue when they were trying to figure out the distribution of chores.
One other thing you’ll have to adjust to are expectations from your families and how to balance your time with them. If you’re open and upfront (but still respectful of course!) with both sets of parents, you’ll be certain to find some sort of schedule or compromise that works for everyone. After all, you’re really one big family now!
One thing our newlyweds have shared with us, that they are pleasantly surprised by, is they enjoy the mundane tasks they do together; from grocery shopping, to cooking, to running errands, to doing household chores.
Try doing some of these daily tasks together, maybe grocery shopping and then cooking a meal, even now as an engaged couple. You’ll be able to see and become accustomed to each others’ little quirks and preferences. Maybe this simple way of spending time with each other is something you and your future spouse will cherish too.
Preparing for Marriage God’s Way
Enjoy the journey, both to the wedding day and well into married life. God gave you your person (as Darlene said in “Marriage Benefits – We Don’t Just Date For Fun”). So, soak up all the happy, sad, challenging, exciting, worrisome, thrilling, and blessed moments with your spouse.
Follow the example of our Happy Life couples, and put God and His words at the center of your marriage. Then everything else will fall into place, according to God’s plans.
