If I could draw a picture of what loneliness looked like it would look a little bit like this post from incmedianews’ Instagram account.
But loneliness doesn’t always look like the image above.
In fact, the more I talked to people, loneliness may also look like this.
Or this.
Maybe even this.
But what you see on the outside may not always reflect what’s happening on the inside. The smiles on the outside may not always reflect the emotions and feelings of loneliness someone feels on the inside.
As you can see, loneliness isn’t just being alone. And it’s a lot more common than you may think.
What is Loneliness?
You can feel lonely in a crowded room or even when you’re surrounded by family and friends. It’s that empty feeling when you feel disconnected from others, even if people are around. Loneliness is when you want more social connections or deeper relationships than you currently have.
Loneliness might feel like:
- Feeling left out at school, at work, or at home
- Wishing you were in a relationship or had friendships
- Feeling like no one understands you
- Wanting to talk to someone but not knowing who
Remember, everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s a normal human emotion.
While it can be uncomfortable, loneliness can also push us to make positive changes in our lives. For some, it might lead to picking up a new hobby or reaching out to make new friends.
Maybe you’ve seen the headlines about the “loneliness” epidemic. But the numbers are shocking considering we live in a time where we can connect face-to-face with people at any time. But consider the numbers from recent research:
- 4 out of 10 people feel lonely at least once or twice a week
- 79% of young adults often feel lonelier than those aged 66 and older.
- Single people tend to feel lonely more than married people
- 65% of parents and guardians are lonely compared to 55% of non-parents
In a world where we can talk to anyone anytime, people still feel alone. But don’t worry—we’re going to talk about why this happens, why it’s healthy, and how to fight it when it becomes a problem.
Why do people feel lonely?
Based on all the recent research, observations and studies, it’s clear that there’s not one reason to explain people’s loneliness.
- Relocation and loss of familiar support systems
- Heartbreak and heartache
- Major life transitions (new jobs, schools, new child)
- Difficulty forming deep connections in new environments
- Past traumas or emotional struggles
- The challenge of building a new social network from scratch
I reached out to a few people who shared their recent experiences with loneliness and what has helped them.
Mia from Canada moved from a bustling metropolitan area to a small city.
Having grown up in a very diverse environment with weekly church activities, Mia found herself in unfamiliar territory. The stark contrast in her new surroundings led to unexpected challenges.
Mia reflected:
“I definitely faced culture shock. I felt so alone. Even when I made a couple of friends at work, although they were kind, I truly felt like they could not understand me, my experiences, and my values. It’s such an isolating feeling when you can’t connect with people that have the same values as you.”
Meet Felicia, who experienced heartbreak after a long-term relationship
Felicia’s story highlights how the end of a significant relationship can lead to feelings of loneliness. She describes the difficulty of adjusting to life after her relationship.
"I couldn't stand the fact of being home alone, so I would go out on long drives and listen to sad Taylor Swift songs on purpose just to cry it out. I found myself going to the gym two or three times a day and even signed up to run 10k's. I know, crazy right?"
There’s also Cham C., a young Christian from Mindanao who relocated to Manila.
Originally from Mindanao, a southern region in the Philippines, She had traveled to Manila to represent her district in the International Unity Games of the Church Of Christ and was encouraged by her uncle to relocate permanently. All at once she was in a new place, started a new job, and transferred to a new local congregation. The suddenness of these changes and the difficulty of leaving behind close friends contributed to her feelings of loneliness.
“Longing to start a new life, living in a new city, meeting new people, and starting a new job, I thought it would be easy. I'm so lonely, I didn't expect some things to happen to the point that the loneliness made me regret my decision.”
Dylan, a college student from California struggling to find belonging
While he seems like your typical college student, Dylan has often felt detached and conflicted, caught between different emotions while trying to figure out who he really is. His loneliness doesn’t come from being alone, but from feeling disconnected from himself and constantly overthinking.
"I found myself lost between confidence by consequence... juxtaposed between sporadic and indefinite periods of languishing and being conflicted towards sustaining regular periods of peace."
And finally, there’s Abigail F., a young mom from Canada
When she first became a mom, Abigail found herself teetering between the wonders of motherhood and feelings of loneliness. She shared:
“When I think that I'm not doing the best or the right thing, especially on my firstborn based on others’ standards as a mother i.e. breastfeeding, not giving healthy foods always, etc, I feel I'm lacking as a mother.”
Loneliness can be tough. And in the moment, can feel impossible.
Loneliness isn’t an impossible problem to solve.
While each person has faced moments of loneliness they found solutions in the faith community they surrounded themselves with.
Here’s what is helping fight off those feelings of loneliness.
- Focus on God. Abigail found that doing work for God made her feel more happy and productive. She felt less lonely in the process because she focused not on herself but on God.
Praying and performing my duty as a choir organist have always been my “therapy”. By performing my duties to God, I know I am needed – that I am doing something good; that I am doing something that is pleasing to Him. This world is full of insecurities.
But when I am performing my duty to Him, I feel His mercy and love – that I am not alone. It’s like God is enveloping me with His warm embrace and telling me that, “It’s ok – you are not alone. I will always guide you. I love and appreciate you..” - Work on your current relationships and build new ones. With more time on her hands, Mia took the opportunity to deepen her relationship with her family. She also used the time to open herself up to new relationships.
I broadened my definition of friendship – they don’t necessarily have to be people my age with the exact same interests. I started getting close with the people in our Group Worship Service, whether they were children, parents, or grandparents. It started to feel like family.
3. Christian groups. Cham joined the Church youth group for unmarried individuals over the age of 18 and took part in Church activities. This helped her meet new people who liked the same things she did.
“Every Church activity with them secretly heals me. The loneliness I felt faded away because they never let me feel that I am lonely, and He never fails to heal me every time I pray to Him.”
4. Spend time with people in real life: It’s hard to believe that people are lonely when you consider how many people they have on their “friends” list on social media. But the truth is connecting on these platforms doesn’t always translate to meaningful relationships.
Instead, connect (or reconnect) with those already in your life the same Felicia did.
“Thankfully, I had friends and family who were more than willing to listen, see me cry, and keep me company. From brunch dates, facetime calls, and BTS/K-Pop Sundays, I was beyond grateful for the ones who took their time to spend time with me and make sure I was okay.”
5. Be grateful for what you have: Instead of feeling sad about what they didn’t have, our friends focused on the good things in their lives. This helped Dylan feel more grateful for the meaningful relationships he has now and his deepening relationship with God.
"Only knowing all that I know now, I could only then definitively understand the importance of being able to preserve the friendships I’ve come to appreciate, but more importantly thoroughly understanding my relationship with God."
Advice from the Bible
I asked Brother Joe Velasquez, a minister of the gospel, what advice he would give someone who might be feeling the heaviness of loneliness.
He said: “Being far away from our family, friends, and loved ones can often lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. And while there are actions we can take and interactions we can make to help us break out of emotional tailspins, we should above all rely on our Almighty God to ease the pain of feeling alone, like what was done by an early servant of God who prayed to Him.”
He read me these verses from the Bible as an added reminder:
Turn to me, LORD, and be merciful to me,
because I am lonely and weak.
Relieve me of my worries
and save me from all my troubles.
Psalm 25:16-17 Good News Bible
We can be certain that if ever we feel alone, we can call out to our Almighty God in our distress, and He will surely be there for us and not leave us alone, because we put our trust in Him.
Finding Community at Church
Want to know something cool? All the people I told you about found awesome friends at Church! They joined activities, helped others, and suddenly, they weren’t so lonely anymore.
Cham shares, “The KADIWA Organization, my Church duties, and the friendship I made in the local congregation I transferred in also helped me a lot. The loneliness I felt faded away because they never let me feel that I am lonely, and He never fails to heal me every time I pray to Him.”
After her breakup, Felicia found solace in her faith and community. She shares, “I remember telling one of my really close friends I wanted to strengthen my relationship with God. She encouraged me to join our Church’s concert production, which coincidentally was about finding peace.”
Felicia also became more involved at Church, which helped her heal and find genuine happiness.
Instead of just keeping to himself, Dylan looked for more opportunities to participate in his local congregation, participating in events like the Making Changes episode screening and youth group activities These moments provided him with a sense of belonging and reinforced his faith. “I had a confirming feeling: “that my prayers, my thoughts, and my ambitions were thoroughly guided, and moreover validated.”
Mia found a new way to be involved in the Church’s youth group. “I was asked to become a District KADIWA Officer. I was finally able to make those deep connections I was searching for, with people that shared the same faith and same values. I needed something to hold onto, and it was given to me. Through this duty, I am confident to say that I’ve made some of my closest lifelong friends.”
Loneliness looks different for everyone
I remember the time in my life when it seemed like everyone around me was married with kids. I remember attending a friend’s baby shower and realizing I was the only single person there. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. These moments can make you question your life choices or wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
But I’ve learned that everyone’s journey is different. Being single doesn’t mean being alone or incomplete. It’s an opportunity to focus on personal growth, pursue passions, and build meaningful relationships of all kinds.
My community of creative Christians
I’m blessed to be surrounded by the people I work with every day at INC Media. As coworkers, they became my friends and support system. Our group reminds me of the Japanese concept of social support groups that last a lifetime, providing social, health, and spiritual support.
We celebrate successes, help each other during tough times, and share in our faith journey together. Loneliness doesn’t stand a chance when you’re part of a supportive community. Whether it’s through Church, work, or other groups, finding your own community can make all the difference.
