What Happens to My Soul When I Die?

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What’s the difference between the spirit and the soul? And what happens to the spirit and the soul when a person dies? You asked, the Bible answers.

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Brother Bob Pellien: Hello, and welcome everyone to this program. I’m Brother Bob Pellien and thanks for joining us on this episode of That’s In The Bible.

Today we’ll be addressing questions regarding what happens to the soul, what happens to the spirit and to the body when a person dies? You know, dear friends there’s so many questions that are connected in one way or another to the curiosity of people pertaining to death and what happens when one dies.

So, let’s go to our first questions from Danielle and Jessie:

Danielle: What happens after a person passes away?

Brother Bob: Thank you Danielle for your question. You know, as I said, there’s a lot of questions that are connected to man’s curiosity about death, and the afterlife. Here’s another one that comes from Jessie:

Jessie: What is the Church’s view on the immortality of the soul?

Brother Bob: Thank you Danielle and Jessie for asking those intriguing questions. You know, actually, there are three things that happen according to the Bible. And these three things that happen, happen to the three parts that make up any person. First of all, what are the three parts of any individual? We begin turning to the pages of the scriptures for the answers we need, 1 Thessalonians 5:23 records the following:

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

[1 Thessalonians 5:23 New King James Version]

So, a whole person, or a person completely consists of the following three parts as we just read from the Holy Bible: the spirit, the soul and the body. So what happens to each of these three parts of a person? Let’s turn to Ecclesiastes 12:7 we go to the Bible once again for the response of the Lord and this is what is recorded there:

Then shall the dust [out of which God made man’s body] return to the earth as it was, and the spirit shall return to God Who gave it.

[Ecclesiastes 12:7 Amplified Bible]

So here, dear friends, the Bible teaches us what happens to two of the three parts. As mentioned here, the body returns to the dust out of which God made man’s body, and the spirit, or the “breath of life” as it is described in the book of Genesis, returns to God.

So that’s two. And what does God say will happen to the third part, which is the soul? And this is the part that people often get confused about or they often get it wrong. What happens to the soul? Will it live on? That’s what many people are saying, that’s what many people are teaching, that’s what many religions are teaching, that it lives on and goes to a place which they call a purgatory type kind of place for further cleansing or other such teachings that are very popular about the soul.

But we, here in the Church Of Christ, we’ll just ask the Bible. Will the soul live on and maybe become a ghostly entity, scaring people in the middle of the night? Which is also something that people believe in. And Hollywood has made many movies about that. So therefore dear friends, let’s go to the Bible for the Bible’s teaching and truth about this. Ezekiel 18:4 records the answer we’re looking for, it says:

“Behold, all souls are Mine;

The soul of the father

As well as the soul of the son is Mine;

The soul who sins shall die.

[Ezekiel 18:4 New King James Version]

One’s soul or “being” dies, dear friends, according to the Bible. What then does the Bible say about the mortality of the soul? The soul that sins dies.

Since the Bible says that the soul that sins dies, does the Bible then also teach us what happens next? Because people might think therefore, might be thinking that the soul’s death is only for a moment. What’s the teaching of God regarding the soul that dies? We continue going to the Bible for the answers, in the book of Psalm 119:25:

My soul clings to the dust; Revive me according to Your word.

[Psalms 119:25 New King James Version]

Souls, dear friends then, after death, they die. And does it become a ghost and scare people in the middle of the night like Hollywood movies desribe? No, the Bible makes it very clear. The soul after death clings to the dust. The body returns to dust from whence it came. The soul clings to the dust. Any revival of such would be only in accordance to the word of God as taught to us here in the Bible.

So let’s continue looking at the Bible. Let’s continue asking the Bible some important additional questions about this. Such as, well: Whose soul dies and clings to the dust? Well we’ve read where the Bible said, it’s the soul that sins, that’s the soul that shall die.

But is it only their souls that will die, right? Whose soul dies? Maybe there’s those thinking that well their soul did not commit sin, they did not commit sin, so they will not die. There is something we’ve got to understand and accept. What is it? The Bible answers in the writings of Apostle Paul, Romans 5:

Sin came into the world because of what one man (Adam) did. And with sin came death. So this is why all people must die-because all people sinned.

[Romans 5:12 English Revised Version]

Dear friends, all people have sinned, therefore all souls will die and cling to the dust as we read. So that’s how the Bible described what will happen to those who die. Ok, let’s recap:

1. The body returns to dust, from whence it came

2. The spirit, or the “breath of life”, returns to God

3. The soul dies, and all souls die

But then, there are many who want more deeper information on this topic, so we turn to our next question which comes from Juan in Salinas, California. Let’s listen to what Juan asks:

Juan: After death, do we have a place to go?

Brother Bob: Thank you very much, Juan, for your question on this important topic we’re addressing today. And yes, the Bible does describe what will happen on the day of judgment, when we are all brought to life again as mentioned in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 (New King James Version).

And where will we go after being brought back to life again on the day of judgment? Well, Juan, Matthew 25 records a Biblical response to your question, let’s take a look:

“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

[Matthew 25: 31-34 New King James Version]

So, Juan, everyone will be gathered before the Lord on what the Bible also calls the Day of Judgment, and they will be sent either into the kingdom of the Lord. And what will happen to those, by the way, were called sheep, they were separated: the goats on the left, the sheep on the right. The sheep brought to the kingdom of the Lord. But then what will happen to those on the left? Do they also have a place to go? Absolutely yes. And the Lord mentions where they go in the same chapter, Matthew 25, let’s go ahead to verse 41:

“Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels:

[Matthew 25:41 New King James Version]

So dear friends they will be separated: the sheep from the goats. There’s no middle place which some call purgatory, it’s described as only two. What will be the place for the sheep, those on the right, what’s the Biblical description of the life of those on the right who will be brought into the kingdom of the Lord? Revelation 21, the Bible’s description of that place is recorded here in verses 1-4:

Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

[Revelation 21:1-4 New King James Version]

And dear friends, how does the Bible describe the place for the goats on the left? Where will they go? The Bible describes their future as well, like this, also in the book of Revelation, this time chapter 14:10-11:

he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name.”

[Revelation 14:10-11 New King James Version]

So Jessie, you asked what is the Church’s view on these matters? Well, the Church’s view is only that which is prescribed here, our view is always perfectly aligned with that of the Holy Bible.

It is thus so important for everyone that we be resurrected on the day our Lord Jesus Christ returns, when he comes to receive His church into the kingdom of our Father above. Be with us here inside the Church Of Christ on that day.

When you are ready to learn more about these fundamental teachings found here inside the Church Of Christ, here inside the Bible visit incmedia.org. Why? Because there, you’ll find various series of programs like this, all dedicated to answering your spiritual questions. You can also follow our Facebook pages at Iglesia Ni Cristo News and Updates and Iglesia Ni Cristo Media to view more of our shows and see how, as well, you can find out how the Church gets involved with our communities. You can do that by checking in on INCgiving.org. You can also find a house of worship that’s near to you, visit IglesiaNiCristo.net. If you’ve got questions that you’d like answered right here on this show, please email them to answers@incmedia.org. Well, we thank you all for joining us today, we’ll see you again next time here on…That’s in the Bible!

Is My Name Written in the Book of Life?

What is the Book of Life? How do you get your name in that book and once your name is in it, what does that mean? What steps can you take to get to heaven?

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Voiceover: Next on That’s in the Bible!

Brother Bob Pellien: Today, we’ll tackle various questions regarding getting to heaven which is of course something we all want. So to get us started, what does the Bible have to say about those that will enter heaven and those that will not? But you know some may still have that lingering doubt. Michael Bancod wrote to us this email [where] he asked this question: How do we know our names are truly written in the Book of Life in heaven?

[Show open]

Brother Bob: Hello, I’m Brother Bob Pellien and thanks for joining us in this episode of That’s in the Bible, wherein today we’ll tackle various questions regarding getting to heaven which is of course something we all want. Our first two viewers asked this same question, a question that so many of us have asked ourselves. Let’s hear the first question. It’s from Athena Anastasi from Huntington Beach, California:

[Video begins]

Athena: How do you know if you’re going to go to heaven or not?

[Video ends]

Am I going to heaven?

Brother Bob: Thank you so very much and Ron from Sacramento, California wrote in the same thing when he asked, “How do I know I’m going to heaven?” Well, thank you both for asking that question. So to get us started, what does the Bible have to say about those that will enter heaven and those that will not? Let’s begin first in the writings of the prophet Daniel, in Daniel chapter 12, recorded here in verse 1:

There will be a time of terrible suffering. Things will be worse than at any time since nations began. But at that time of suffering your people will be saved. Their names are written in the Book of Life.

[Daniel 12:1b New International Reader’s Version]

Brother Bob: So to know whether or not we’ll be entering the kingdom of heaven, we need to be sure that our name is written in the Book of Life. The book where God’s people are listed and be among His people. What if your name is not listed there? We turn directly to Revelation chapter 20 of verse 15, it answers that like this:

And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire.

[Revelation 20:15 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Very, very direct response from the Holy Bible, if you’re not listed there in the Book of Life—you would be cast—anyone would be cast into the lake of fire and of course nobody wants that so, we need, therefore, to become part of His nation, His people, God’s kingdom. So as to be sure that our name is listed in that book. And are we sure? How could we make sure that our name is actually in that book and that God would count us among His people? What has to transpire? In the book of Colossians chapter 1, verse 13 and 14. Here’s what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Colossians there:

He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.

[Colossians 1:13-14 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: So dear friends, one needs to be brought into the kingdom of the Son. Why? Because it’s therein where forgiveness is found, redemption from sins committed, we’re brought out of the power of darkness but into the kingdom of the Son, that kingdom of the Son is also very identifiable.

[On-screen text graphics]

But he who endures to the end shall be saved.

[Matthew 24:13 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: It is identifiable because it is that which has been redeemed by Christ’s blood. And as we have read many times here in this program, Acts 20:28 identifies that which has been redeemed or purchased by the blood of Christ and as Acts 20:28 tells us that is none other than the Church of Christ.

[On-screen text graphics]

Take heed therefore to yourselves and to all the flock over which the Holy Spirit has appointed you overseers, to feed the Church of Christ, which he has purchased with his blood.

[Acts 20:28 Lamsa]

Brother Bob: The Church of Christ, therefore, is the Kingdom into which one must be brought to ensure their name is listed in the Book of Life. And ensuring one’s name is listed in the Book of Life, they are sure of salvation on the Day of Judgment. So join the Church Of Christ, live a holy life in faithful service to the Lord as mentioned by, in Matthew 24-13, the instruction is clear to endure until the end. But you know, some may still have that lingering doubt. Michael Bancod wrote to us this email wherein he asked this question:

[On-screen text graphic]

How do we know our names are truly written in the Book of Life in heaven?

Brother Bob: Thank you for that question because…can we go there and actually look and physically see our own names there listed in that Book of Life in heaven? Can we go and double check that our name is there? Of course we cannot do that but is there a way that we can be equally confident that our name is listed there? In Matthew chapter 18 verse 18 our Lord Jesus Christ made a very important pronouncement, 18:18 reads this way:

”Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

[Matthew 18:18 New King James Version]

How can I make it to heaven?

Brother Bob: Well it may be so that we cannot go physically now to the kingdom of heaven and check and see, open up the pages of the Book of Life and look maybe alphabetically or whatever to see, “Is our name listed there?” We can’t do that. But we can be sure that we are listed or bound there in that book. How? Jesus said, “Be bound here on Earth and you will be bound in heaven.” But what did it mean when He said we need to be bound here on Earth so as to be bound there in heaven? What is that binding element? What would bind us? It’s not our personalities that binds us together, it’s not our nationalities that bind us together. Yet we need to be bound here on Earth? Proverbs chapter 3. The binding element is described here in Proverbs 3:

Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart,

[Proverbs 3:1, 3 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: What binds us together is not our personalities or ethnicities, such things as that. No, we are bound by the laws of God, all of us following the same laws, following the same commands that will enable us to be bound here on earth but how can we be bound here by the laws and the commands of God? There’s a method by which we are bound by those laws and commands of God and it’s our Lord Jesus Christ who spoke of that method in these terms when he wrote in Mark 16 verse 15 and 16 He said:

And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.

[Mark 16:15-16 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: So this is the pronouncement of our Lord Jesus Christ. We received the commandments taught by those who have been sent to preach them, we hear them, we believe in them, and then we can be saved. One must be taught the words, believe in the words, be baptized, and once baptized, all of those who have undergone that process—that binding process—where can they be found? 1st Corinthians chapter 12, verse 13 tells us where they’re all gathered upon being baptized:

For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.

[I Corinthians 12:13 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: So those that have been baptized have been baptized into one body. Colossians 1:18 tells us that one body is none other than the Church. Which Acts 20:28 tells us is none other than the Church Of Christ.

[On-screen text graphics]

And He is the head of the body, the church,…

[Colossians 1:18 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: What else is needed to ensure then that our name remains listed in the Book of Life? Once we have heard the true gospel, believe the true gospel, been baptized into the Church Of Christ. We may not be able to physically go there and look to see is our name listed but we can be equally sure that it is by being here inside the Church Of Christ and what else is necessary? Revelation chapter 21, there is something else that one needs to consider when their sole desire is to have the certainty their name will be read from the Book of Life on the upcoming Day of Judgment and as recorded here in the book of Revelation chapter 21 let’s listen together:

Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life.

[Revelation 21:27 New International Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, we need also to live a pure life as members of the Church Of Christ. We must strive to have our name listed in the Book of Life by being and remaining bound here on Earth and therefore bound in heaven as members, registered members of the Church Of Christ. And then live a life of purity, holiness, the best of our human capability.

Thank you for your questions and please continue to write because that’s all we have time for today. And what you’ve heard is just an introduction to the teachings of the Bible taught in the Church Of Christ. Which is why we invite you to learn more and join with us.

[On-screen text graphics]

Learn more: incmedia.org

Find a congregation near you: iglesianicristo.net/directory

Brother Bob: And if you have questions you’d like answered on this program, email them to us and we’ll use the guidance of the Holy Scriptures to help you find your answers.

[On-screen text graphics]

Email us: answers@incmedia.org

Brother Bob: The truth: That’s in the Bible. Thanks for watching. I’m Brother Bob Pellien and we’ll see you next time.

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Teaching Children About the Importance of God

Teaching kids how to pray is an important part for them to recognize God in everyday situations. Listen to the conversations Christians moms have with their kids about God and the importance of God in our lives.

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Marielle Gutierrez: Hi, welcome to Faith & Family. We are a Christian Family Community that promotes Christian values. I’m Mariele Gutierrez from Fremont, California, and I’m a mother of two, and today we are talking about the importance of finding teachable moments. Moments that spark spiritual awareness in our children and joining me today are Harmony and Jewel Buenavista from San Diego, California. They’ve got three kids of their own. Hi, guys!

Harmony Buenavista: Hello, hello! Hey Mar!

Jewel Buenavista: Hello Mar, how are you?

Marielle: I’m doing well! How are you?

Jewel: Good! Recently, Harmony and I read a study that actually showed that 70 percent of young adults today drop out of religion.

Marielle: Wow!

Jewel: Which is pretty, pretty, scary. I mean Mar, we have three young children. A 7 year old daughter, who acts like she’s 30, and a 6 year old and a 2 year old son and they’re still very young. And reading this, it makes us think about, as busy as our lives are, what can we do to make sure that our kids do not drop out of religion or that they will always see how important it is to have religion in their life and to have God in their life.

Marielle: You know as parents, as Iglesia Ni Cristo parents it’s our worst nightmare for our child to drop out of religion and to stop believing in God.

Jewel: Yes.

Marielle: As parents and as members of the Church we can prevent this because we have an advantage. The Church provides us with all the tools that we need. The Worship Service lessons provide guidance to the parents, the kids learn about God through the Children’s Worship Services, and if we ever had questions about anything the Ministers are always ready to answer based on the words written in the Bible.

Jewel: Yes.

Marielle: On top of that, as parents we need to make a conscious effort to get to know our children so we can evaluate how to instill the teachable moments. But then, how do we find the time?

Harmony: Well at least for me, well both of us actually. During the course of the week, we alternate. Jewel actually tries to volunteer in the kid’s school. So if she volunteers in Jasmine’s class, I’ll take the other one out for lunch, like Hayden because they go to the same school. So those are the times that we- I try to connect with them during our lunch time that we chat, see what’s going on in school, kind of gage to see if they’re having any kind of any problems or if they’re having a hard time with anything-

Marielle: So you’re telling me that you go out of your way, to have one-on-one, an intimate one-on-one time like hangout time with each individual child?

Harmony: Oh yeah, yeah. I mean it’s-

Marielle: Wow.

Harmony: Like you said we have to make, we have to make time, we have to find the time to do it.

Marielle: So, life can get busy. According to the Washington Post, this article that I read, “Parents spend less than 7 minutes a day communicating with their children.” And I don’t know if you’re going to argue with me, Harmony but it says that, “On average, men tend to spend less time than women.” Is this true? How are we able to squeeze in time for our kids to talk about things that matter to us especially as members of the Church Of Christ? Like what matters to us is God, right? So how do we actually take that time, how do we go out of our way to make sure that we talk about the important things?

Harmony: We kind of remind them, if you have a test or anything like that, make sure you pray because God is the one who’s going to help you. Right when they get home it’s homework, and it’s the same thing we kind of instill in them, “Right when you do your homework, what are you supposed to do?” and the kids know now, “We’re supposed to pray because God is going to help us when we do our homework.”

Marielle: That’s good. So you’ve integrated it into certain aspects of your daily routine then, right?

Harmony: Yes, correct.

Marielle: So that God is always kind of in the forefront of their mind, “I’m going to have a test, wait, I got to pray.”

Harmony: Yes.

Marielle: I’m going to do homework, I should probably pray too, right.

Jewel: Even if they get a papercut or they get hurt, wow let’s pray because so that God can heal your owie.

Marielle: Yeah! Yeah…

Jewel: You know what I mean? And so it’s really cool when they see their owies are healing. It’s like, “Mom, look! God is healing my owies.” You know what I mean?

Marielle: Yeah. [ Marielle laughs]

Jewel: And so it’s literally everything. Not just big events, I think a lot of times people think we need to have big events that happens in our lives for us to realize that God is there.

Marielle: Right, right.

Jewel: But it’s even for the little things. Every week we have a sit down and then we talk about what are your goals for the next week, when it comes to your…

Harmony: School…

Jewel: School. How are you going to help your family? And then most especially, what can you do to help…

Harmony: Your faith…

Jewel: Your faith. And so it’s as simple as Jasmine, she’s in the Choir. She’s like, “Oh! I’m going to organize my hymnbook.”

Marielle: Aww!

Jewel: You know?

Marielle: Yeah…

[Marielle and Harmony laugh]

Jewel: But it’s instilling like, “Oh I got to do something for God because that is most important for me.” And another thing that we do, the 3 jars. I don’t know if you ever heard about that Mar.

Marielle: No I haven’t. You have to explain. [Marielle laughs]

Jewel: So basically-

Marielle: Are they jars of cookies?

Jewel: No, no, no, it’s the 3 jars. So the first jar is, jar for God.

Marielle: Aww!

Jewel: And the second jar is for money you save for bank and the third jar is for toys or fun, right?

Harmony: It’s their allowance we give them every week that’s why.

Jewel: Yes. So they do good sets,(Need clarification, 05:58) they get an allowance. But the rule is, whatever money, let’s say they get 5 dollars in a week or something. The rule is, they have to always put money-

Harmony: In all three.

Jewel: In all three, but the first one is always God.

Marielle: Oh wow! You’re already teaching them about setting aside, right now!

Jewel: Yes, yes! And then secondly, a savings which is the bank and then the third is-

Harmony: Fun.

Jewel: Fun or toys.

Marielle: Those are good tips! I’m taking note of those, those jars!

[Harmony and Jewel laugh]

Marielle: Maybe I’m going to have a big chocolate jar, a bigger God jar. But definitely for us too, we do our best to integrate our membership as Church Of Christ. You know the things we stand for, our values, things like that. Even the content of our prayers. I’ve taught the kids that when you pray before school, don’t forget to pray to remember that you are a member of the Church Of Christ.

Jewel: Yeah…

Marielle: Of course they’ll ask me, “Wait, what do you mean?” And I’m like, “Everything that you’re learning in CWS (Children’s Worship Service) so every situation you face that’s the thing that I want to be in the forefront of their mind. You know?

Harmony: Oh yeah!

Marielle: For me, car rides. Car rides it sounds…to be honest to you it’s really underrated. Car rides, I pick up my kids, I literally go to school 3 times a day. Unfortunately the bell times of both my kids are different and so I drop them off at 8. I pick up my son at 11 and then I pick up my daughter at 3. It accumulates to about a good total of maybe an hour where we’re in the car.

Jewel: Yeah…

Marielle: I was guilty before, when I drive I just be like this is my time to tune out, to clear my mind, but it was such a waste. The most recent conversation I had with my daughter in the car was actually during after Choir practice and we were going home and she looked kind of sad, and she was telling while she was singing and practicing for the Processional, there were some words that kind of hit her. And it made her think of, believe it or not, the condition of the world, but the thing is what you have to know about my daughter is she’s a serious kid. She’s 9, but you know she’ll think about things way beyond what she should probably be thinking about. So she went in the car, 08:15, and I asked her, “Are you okay?” and she was like, “You know what Mom? I’m just a little worried about what is happening in Paris. And I asked her, “Why are you even thinking about that?”

Jewel: Wow…

Marielle: She mentioned that because we’re going to be going on a trip, outside of the United States and she was like, “What if there are bad guys there?” And well so I had to collect myself, make sure that I don’t freak out and just be like, “Stop it, you’re freaking me out.” You know?

Harmony: Yeah…

Marielle: But I had to really choose my words and for this instance, I had to say a quick prayer in my head and be like, “I need help to guide my words here.” So what I told her then was, “You know what there are bad guys everywhere, there are bad guys in our backyards, and you cannot worry about the bad guys because you’re a member of the Church Of Christ, right?” And she was like, “Yeah…but you know this is far way.” I’m like, “No, you’re a member of the Church Of Christ here, you’re a member of the Church Of Christ a thousand miles away from here, wherever you go, you know you’re a member of the Church Of Christ. And what does CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teach you? Does it teach you to worry? Teach you to be afraid? Who are the heros in the Bible? You have David, right? You have our Lord Jesus Christ, he never worried about anything, you know.” And I guess she started like, “Oh! That’s right.” And my husband chimed in, and he was like, “You know what honey, none of the brethren in Paris were hurt.” You know?

Jewel: Yeah…

Marielle: Even though one of the situations that happened was I think really near to the venue of worship of the place of worship that we have there but none of our brethren got hurt. And I think that was when she was like, “Oh wow. Look at the power of God, look at how He takes care of all His people.”

Jewel: I love how you brought it back to God will always protect us. We need to remind ourselves as parents that we always have to bring it back to God.

Harmony: And it’s cool because we teach and teach our kids as best as we can that God is always going to be in their life, that He is always to be the one who will help them. But it’s great to hear it echoed back in their prayers.

Marielle: Yeah…

Harmony: When they pray at night and they say things on their own. Like God- As little as like God please– Jasmine especially she’s like please help me stop scratching.

Jewel: From her eczema…

Harmony: Just every single thing, every little thing it’s, “God please help me with this, Thank you for this God.” And it’s just awesome to hear that they’re listening…they’re listening to us.

Marielle: And they’re acknowledging God in everything, they’re seeing Him in everything in your life. That is fantastic.

Harmony: Yes.

Marielle: Well I mean these are all great suggestions. I hope that all of us are going to continue on, so that we can keep on a solid unit of an INC (Iglesia Ni Cristo) Family. We don’t want our family or any of the families really in the Church Of Christ to be part of the 70% statistic of young adults dropping out of religion. That’s why we’re having this discussion today, as suggestions for all our listeners out there. How can we create more conscious or meaningful ways to connect with our kids now and instill what it means to be a member of the Church Of Christ. Instill how to see God in everything in every detail of our life. Thank you so much to the Buenavistas for joining us today!

Harmony & Jewel: Thank you!

Marielle: To all you listeners out there we have a challenge, I dare you. I dare you, to go on social media and show us okay? Find a teachable moment where you are connecting with your kids spiritually. Thank you so much for joining us, we’ll talk to you all next time here on Faith & Family.

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Faith & Family’s Top 3 Questions Answered

This podcast explores these questions:

How do you make connections with your children?
What do you tell your kids about the opposite sex?
Are extracurricular activities important?

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What Are Our Roles in Marriage?

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A viewer asks “What role does the man play in the family?” What are the roles and responsibilities of a husband and wife in a Christian marriage?

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Husband and Wife Roles and Responsibilities

[Show open]

Brother Phillip Velasquez: Hello, I’m Brother Phillip Velazquez, and thank you for joining us again, on another episode of That’s in the Bible, where your questions are answered straight from this: the Holy Scriptures. If you remember on our last episode, we discussed the importance of the commandments of God in governing how the husband and wife treat each other for them to live a happy and peaceful life. The question we’ll be answering today is related to just that.

[Video starts]

Question: Hi, my name is Rhonda Brown, and I’m from Longview, Texas. And I would like to know, what role does the man play in the family?

Rhonda Brown

Longview, Texas

[Video ends]

Brother Philip: Thanks for that question, Rhonda. In our last episode, we were taught that God’s law should dictate how husband and wife treat each other. The same goes for what the roles are for husband and wife in their respective families.

Responsibilities of a Christian husband

Brother Philip: So, according to the Bible, what is a primary role of the husband or father to his family? We can read the answer in Ephesians 4:28. These are the words of God through His Apostle Paul:

He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

[Ephesians 4:28 New International Version]

Brother Philip: If he is well and able, he must work to provide for the needs of his family. Under normal circumstances, God intended that the husband or the father, being the head of the household, be the main provider or breadwinner in a family. But in rare incidences, it can be the mother if the father is no longer around.

Take note, the Bible also teaches that he must earn an honest living, meaning it mustn’t go against any law of the land, especially any law of our Almighty God.

Now, how dedicated should the head of the household be in providing for the needs of his family? Let’s get the answer from Proverbs 10:4. These are the words of God:

Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.

[Proverbs 10:4 New International Version]

Brother Philip: How dedicated must the head of the family or head of the household be in providing for the needs of his family? He must be diligent or hardworking. Under all circumstances, it is against God’s command for any man to be found lazy—or worse still—neglectful of his responsibilities. Much more so, if he already has a family that depends on him for support.

In the eyes of our Almighty God, how evil is it for the head of the household to neglect his obligation in providing for his family? Let’s get the answer from I Timothy 5:8. This is what we’re taught by Apostle Paul:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

[I Timothy 5:8 New King James Version]

Brother Philip: If the head of the household neglects his family, then he is worse than an unbeliever, according to what we read. In the sight of our Almighty God, he is not a true Christian because he has denied the faith. So you see, dear friends, the role of the head of the household is so important. And that’s why before one chooses to enter married life and begin a family, he has to be sure he is able to fulfill all of his responsibilities as set forth by our Almighty God.

The role of a Christian woman in marriage

Brother Philip: Now, since we’re on the topic, we might as well go into the role of the woman or the wife in the family. According to God’s design, what is the role of the wife? Let’s read the answer in Titus 2:4-5. This is what the Holy Scriptures teach all of us:

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children. The younger women must control themselves. They must be pure. They must take good care of their homes. They must be kind. They must follow the lead of their husbands. Then no one will be able to speak evil things against God’s word.

[Titus 2:4-5 New International Reader’s Version]

Brother Philip: God expects wives or mothers to administer the home well. May no one make the mistake of diminishing the importance of this special role, since its successful implementation has far-reaching effects, not only in the home but also in our society as a whole.

And parents, especially the wife or mother, has the primary duty to attend to these concerns at home. What else is the vital role of the wife or mother to her family? Let’s get the answer from Proverbs 31: 27-29:

She watches over her family and never wastes her time. Her children speak well of her. Her husband also praises her, saying, “There are many fine women, but you are better than all of them.”

[Proverbs 31: 27-29 New Century Version]

Brother Philip: The wife or mother supervises her family well. She makes sure that virtues are being developed in her children by giving them responsibilities to fulfill and rules to follow in the home. She is always aware of her children’s whereabouts and whom they are with. And if ever she so chooses, and the husband agrees, that she gets a job in order to help augment the family income, well, they should not in any way hinder her from fulfilling her primary task of looking after the welfare of her family at home.

What is strictly prohibited so that wives or mothers will be able to perform their roles well? Let’s read I Timothy 5: 13. This is what we are taught by the apostle Paul:

And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.

[I Timothy 5:13 New King James Version]

Brother Philip: Just as it is prohibited for the husband to neglect his duty to provide for the family, it is also prohibited for the wife to be lazy in administering the home. What else? The Bible says they should not be busybodies or gossips. Instead of focusing on the lives or homes of others, she first must focus on the condition of her own home.

But above all, what is the ultimate role of both the husband and the wife to their family? Let’s get the answer from Joshua 24:15:

And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

[Joshua 24:15 New King James Version]

Brother Philip: What is the ultimate role of both the husband and the wife to their family? To lead their entire family in serving our Almighty God; to bring up their children to be faithful and obedient servants of God. And the best way to instill these most admirable qualities is by parents being the best examples to their children in being true Christians by upholding God’s commands at all times in their lives.

Well, that’s all we have time for [in] this episode. We hope that you’ll tune in next time where we will be answering more of your questions from the Holy Scriptures. We encourage you to please write in with your questions. You can email them to this address.

[On-screen text graphics]

answers@incmedia.org

Brother Philip: Thanks for watching! I’m Brother Phillip Velasquez and we will see you next time.

Kids and Food Allergies

Listen to moms exchange horror stories about their child’s food allergies. Learn the allergy precautions and how this can bring your child closer to God.

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JEWELL BUENAVISTA, HOST: You’re listening to Faith and Family. A Christian family community that aims to provide Christian advice, and promote Christian values. I’m Jewell Buenavista.

Food allergies are on the rise. As a matter of fact, according to the study released in 2013, food allergies among children have increased by 50% between 1997 and 2011. Unfortunately, my own children are part of this statistic, especially my eight-year-old daughter, Jasmine. Jasmine has been dealing with allergies for pretty much all her life. We’ve literally tried everything, and so, we’re pretty experienced in this topic. Calling in today is, actually, my sister-in-law, Liz Correa, who also has children that have food allergies, and can share with you some of her experiences. Hi, Liz!

LIZ: Hi there!

JEWELL: So, tell me, why do you think that this is an important topic for parents to talk about?

LIZ: It’s definitely… like the statistic that you gave us, it’s definitely on the rise, and it’s something that, even those who don’t have kids with allergies, they should be aware of this rise, and how the effects can, you know, harm, especially children, that have these life-threatening allergies.

JEWELL: Yeah, as a matter of fact, you’re right! A lot of people don’t realize that some of these food allergic reactions can actually be fatal.

LIZ: Mhmm…

JEWELL: There are eight foods that account for 90% of all food reactions, and I’ll name them: milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, wheat, fish, and shellfish. You recently had an incident with your son, Brandon, tell us a little bit about that.

LIZ: Yeah. So, actually it was at the start of this year. We were given as a gift, this box of chocolates. And on there it had traces, you know, not traces but where it says manufactured on, you know, that could have traces of peanuts and things like that. Usually when they have that, it’s more like just an awareness that, usually, when Brandon eats something that has that inside, he’s actually okay. But this was a different brand. It was like European, and he had one chocolate and he was fine, but we didn’t know that there was an assortment? And so the second one that he had, he became… first, he was quiet, and if you know my

son Brandon, he’s very active, and so I was like, what’s wrong? And when he looked at me his face had broken out in hives, and so I knew at once, okay, he’s having a reaction! So, the first thing we always do when he has a reaction, we give him the Benadryl.

We gave him the Benadryl, and this is when I knew it was bad, because he then threw up, and he never does that. Usually he’ll take it, and then the, you know, the symptoms will go down and then he’s okay but this time he keeps throwing up, and so I was like okay, let’s give it to him again. So he takes it in, and it wasn’t getting any better. Like, his lips started getting swollen, his hives were still coming out.

But, what was the, I guess, main factor that made us go to the next step, which was the EpiPen, was that he was complaining that his throat was hurting. And so, he was like my throat hurts, my throat hurts, and I was just like, oh my gosh! And so, you know, me and my husband were like okay, we need to… we need to give him the EpiPen. And so, this was Brandon… Brandon’s 7, and we knew about his allergies since he was four to six months. Four to six months. So, we’ve gone, never had to use an EpiPen for how many years, and it was this! This was the time when we had to use it! So, we gave him the EpiPen, and if anyone is unaware [of the] EpiPen, it is a needle. It’s an injection that you put on the thigh of the leg, you hold it down for 10 seconds, and it’s a… it’s a big needle! Because that needle is big, so that it can pierce through clothing to get to go through clothing, skin, and to get to the muscle for the medicine to work. And so, we did that, and the… the sound of him [crying], and that scream was just, you know, [emotional] I felt so bad for him. I’m actually glad I wasn’t the one who did it? I’m glad my husband did it instead of me, because it was just like, heart-wrenching, it was heartbreaking hearing him in that pain! But we knew we had to give it to him to help him. And so…

JEWELL: … especially you know that his throat is starting to swell or close up, almost…

LIZ: Yeah. Well, the doctor said. Well, actually we gave the EpiPen, we rushed to the ER, because after you give an EpiPen, I remember when we got training on on the EpiPen that they gave us at Kaiser [hospital], they told us, once you give it you have to go, still go to emergency, because that can subside. Like, the EpiPen can… you can still continue with the reaction. So, once we got there, they actually said that him saying that his throat is hurting, might have been the way that he was describing that his throat was closing up. And so, they said it was a good thing that we gave the EpiPen, that we went to the emergency right after, and it can also cause… the EpiPen can also cause, like, side effects. That there could be an irregular heartbeat, which he actually had, so we had to stay in the emergency for a good couple of hours until we got the clear to take him home. And even after that, he was on medication for 5 days to ensure that the allergy wouldn’t still be in him, that it was still under control, and then we had to go back for a follow-up appointment. So, it’s not as easy just to give an EpiPen and then it’s done. There could still be a reaction after that, so it’s always best to, once you give the EpiPen, go into emergency, and make sure that your or child is checked out.

JEWELL: Thanks for sharing that! Because it really, it really paints a picture for the audience, for our listeners, that something as… something like chocolate with nuts, can really bring a child to the emergency room!

LIZ: Mhm. And even, too, like, something as simple as you know… this happened with my youngest daughter. She was at camp, and one of her friends, she [Liz’s daughter] is allergic to nuts, and especially hazelnut is I like her biggest allergy. And so, I guess one of the kids had eaten a Nutella sandwich. And, I guess, the child didn’t wash her hands properly, and she touched Leana… just touched her on the face? She had welts on her face, and that wasn’t something that was consumed, that was just by touch! And so, you know, just being aware to like, when you’re around those that have allergies, to wash your hands and wipe your mouth if you had something, because even with our kids like, if we eat something that we know they’re allergic to, like I’m always washing my hands afterwards, or wash my mouth before I go and kiss them, because I know even a kiss would cause a welt on their face. So, it’s being aware of that, too, that it’s not only something consumed, but even by touch for some kids can cause a reaction as well.

JEWELL: It’s really hard to see your children in pain. So, it’s good that we… that our kids are trained? But it’s also important that the adults around are really aware that even if their children don’t have allergies… Liz, talk about how did you prepare Brandon? Knowing that he had allergies, what kind of preparation did you do before he went to kindergarten?

LIZ: Yeah. So, before he went to kindergarten, you know, everyone’s trying to teach their kids to make sure they know their ABCs, their 1,2, 3’s… Well, for me it was okay, what are you allergic to? [Laughing] And so, I would go over that with him! Okay, what are your allergies? And I’ll let him, like, peanuts, eggs, you know? He’ll start naming them off, because I wanted to ensure that he knew how to communicate that to someone, or you know, ask questions when it came to food. That was one way I had to make sure that he knew all of his allergies. I spoke to the teacher, I spoke to the school nurse, I spoke to all of them, and depending on, I guess, what school you go to, and I think this may be standard? They normally have like, a special form for parents to complete, that talks about like, the allergy reaction plan. So, in our particular school, the doctor actually has to complete the form, to say if there’s a reaction, what should be given, what medicine should be given at the school, and I had to make sure I had that with me that first day. I had all of his medicines in a baggie to give to the nurse, his EpiPen, his Benadryl, and I’m grateful that, you know, the school does have like a process in place, and it’s always good to, you know, speak to the school nurse or the teacher, just to give the extra communication…

JEWELL: Although they do have these processes in place, to not do anything to make the children feel isolated. I want to share a quick story that happened with Jasmine to our listeners, which to this day, makes me sad to think about it.

So, for a whole entire year, there was this one time, it was already like a month before school ended. And I visited her during lunch. I was going to drop off something, and I noticed she was sitting by herself at the lunch tables. And I was thinking as I was approaching her, I’m like oh my gosh, did she get in trouble or something? And so, I went over to her, and I said, sweetheart are you okay? Did you get in trouble or something? And she was like, oh no no, this is where I sit. This is the peanut free table. And so I’m like, well, why don’t you go sit with your friends? She goes, oh no, they won’t let me. I have to sit here.

What I didn’t like was that the school actually isolated her. So, I went ahead and communicated to the principle, the school, the nurse, the teacher… and helped them understand that, as much as I appreciate that they’re creating awareness, they also have to think about the psychological and emotional effects that something like that would do to the children. Because that can lead to so many other things like, for example, the rise of bullying, you know? There are bullying of children with food allergies! There are many stories that you could even read on the internet about children with food allergies being bullied upon. So, I want to bring to the point… bring back to the point of the importance of building our children up, for those that have allergies. So, Liz, what have you done to help build confidence in Brandon and Leana, you know, so that they don’t feel like an outcast or something?

LIZ: I guess one of the things that we try and do is, you know, we let them know that they’re not alone. That there are other kids that have the same allergies, like their cousins that have it. And that, you know, not to feel that they are lacking in somehow because of their food allergies. That they can do everything else, like other kids can do. It’s just, they just have to be more careful, you know? I think, instilling in them, once you know that there is an allergy… they have a food allergy, it’s just kind of not trying to shy them away from everything? But just to grow to accept it, and there are alternatives that they can eat, that they can have, so they don’t feel completely left out.

JEWELL: So, Liz, aside from building his confidence, what else do you feel he’s learned from these experiences?

LIZ: You know, from these experiences I have felt that Brandon has truly understood the power, you know, of God to heal him. He’ll say things like, okay mommy should I, I’ll just pray, and then God will make it go away, and I’ll ask him to make sure the medicine will help heal me? And I’ll say yes, that’s what you do. So, it’s, you know, uplifting that he has taken that, and has learned that at a young age.

JEWELL: I love hearing that. You know, just just like Brandon, I remember… I believe Jasmine was only 4 years old, and you know, she was just learning how to pray. One of their first times she prayed about her food allergy reaction, and all she said was, you know, “Dear God, please please help me stop being itchy.” You know? And I mean just her saying that on her own, it is really… It’s like she knew that only God [could] help her with her itchiness at that time. I love that they’ve learned to call unto God for these imperfections that they have, but it makes them who they are. And so, and it just makes them more prayerful, and it really built them up, and that’s what also helps their confidence! Because they know that God is there for them. And so to all of you parents out there with kids who have allergies, you are definitely not alone. Please, send those questions, or if you have your own suggestions, let us know! Thank you for joining us on this Faith and Family podcast!

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Pint-Sized Prayers

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Learn how to teach your children the importance of prayer.

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Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome to Faith and Family. We are a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian advice and promote Christian values. Today, we’re talking about fully-packed, pint-sized prayers. What are we teaching our kids when it comes to the content, opportunities, and benefits of prayer? How are we teaching them to be confident communicators with God? And why is being prayerful so important for the future of not only our kids, but the future of the Church Of Christ? With me today is Stephanie Canete from East Jacksonville, [Florida] and Robert Tapales from St. Petersburg, [Florida]. Hello! How are you guys?

Stephanie Canete: Hey, how are you Mariel?

Robert Tapales: Oh, we’re doing great, Mar.

Mariel: Doing well! Tell us about your kids.

Robert: Okay, this is Robert. I’ll go ahead and get started. My wife and I have two children. We’ve got an older child, who’s our son. He’s 19 years old, in college. And we also have a daughter, who is 11-going-on-what-seems-to-be-30. But typical preteen angst and everything else that goes along with it in middle school.

Mariel: Mmm.

Stephanie: We actually know Robert’s family very well. We’ve been together in our congregation and working on many projects. We’re close. And he’s actually in the same congregation where my parents are in right now—the grandparents of my children. We just love to visit them and I love his children. So, he gave you some basic information there.

Mariel: Oh!

Robert: She knows more than I do, probably.

Mariel: Well, share with us! Share with us! I didn’t grow up with you guys so I want some of that! For me, I’ve got two kids. I have a son who is six years old and my daughter is nine. And I mean, like you said, Robert, man…she is nine-going-on, maybe like, 99. She’s super mature for her age, super-serious kid.

So anyway, just to get to it, we’re talking about prayer today and I was doing my research for our podcast before I came in here to talk to you guys. I found out that here in the United States, prayer isn’t something that’s, I would say, embraced nationally, right? Maybe it depends on where you are, geographically. Maybe it’s different, depending on what state you are in; what city you are in. But since the Supreme Court said no more prayers in school in 1963, a lot of Christian sects out there blame this decision for the current “anything goes” atmosphere that’s prevalent in the world, including [an] increase in teen pregnancies, divorce rates, and single-parent families. But for us, members of the Church Of Christ, we try our best not to be part of those statistics, right? So, how are we passing down this virtue to our kids?

Robert: Prayer is incorporated into the daily lives and daily processes of our kids, and it’s more [than] about just asking for things. It’s about gratitude, I think, more than anything else. You want to start by teaching them that, you know, you don’t only close your eyes and start praying, simply because, “I need to do well in school tomorrow,” or, “Because I really, really want that bike that I’ve been waiting for for years,” or, “I have a problem.” It’s understanding that God is the source of everything that we have.

Mariel: Yes, absolutely.

Stephanie: Prayer is so profound, so important, so fundamental to a life of a servant of God. And once you start a family, you take on a spouse, you’re already learning how to pray together. You wake up and both those eyes flip open and it’s like, “I’m breathing. My heart is beating.” Isn’t that a beautiful thing? And it’s so fun because those are the things that you can do with little children. A child could really get a heartbeat. You could take your hand and, “Feel mommy’s heartbeat. Put it right there on my chest.” And likewise, where you take their ear and you turn it to the chest and you just listen, and they get fascinated, like, “Wow! There’s a bu-bump-bu-bump, a thump-a-thump going on there.” And then you say, “Yeah, you know who makes that beat? You know who gives us that?” You tell them, “God.” And they learn about who He is and His nature.

And then, they learn more every time we pray and we talk—because that’s what prayer is—talking to God. So, with little kids, [tell them,] “Open your eyes, close your eyes. Open your eyes, close your eyes. And who lets us see these things? Who gave you that gift of sight? And who gives us all of these wonderful things to look at?” And so, just pointing Him out, and then pointing out that it’s just not going to be there—that we have to take the time to talk to Him and to pray, and to be grateful for all these things.

Mariel: Okay, so I guess it starts with the attitude of gratitude, right? In which we are constantly pointing out how God is providing for us, what He’s doing for us and the things that we shouldn’t take for granted. Like you said, basic things like opening your eyes. You know what? Some people can’t even see. Right? And we can. You guys ever have that—when you get the sniffles and you just think about all the times where you took for granted just breathing properly?

Robert: Yeah, yes.

Stephanie: Yes!

Robert: When allergy season kicks in, absolutely.

Mariel: Exactly! Okay, so that’s awesome. Check, I’m going to put that down on my list. What’s next though? What else do our kids need to know? What about maybe the accessibility of God?

Stephanie: Your child now knows, “I can talk to God,” and “God gave me everything I have and He intends for me good things.” So, with that level of understanding, or that awareness that you have so many blessings already, they realize, “He’s good and He is good to me.” And then, they also learn that God has expectations. That’s when we’re kind of afraid to talk to God—when we didn’t meet an expectation.

Mariel: Ahhh, yeah.

Stephanie: Yeah, right? And so, they know, “When I did something wrong,” or a child will use the word “bad,” and if they start attending the worship service for the children, they’ll hear the Bible’s term, which is “sin.” That’s when you teach them how forgiving and kind God is and that He can and He wants to forgive you. And that’s the beauty—because it works for you as a mom and a dad—it works for us. Because otherwise, they just continue to do that wrong over and over and over and over again. And then, “Well, God wants you to be better and this is His commandment. And when you said to God, ‘Please forgive me,’ how many times is He going to forgive you if you keep doing it?” And so, they [say,] “Ohh.” And then they realize, “So, I can call on Him when I’m happy, and I can call on Him when I have feelings like shame, or feelings like sorrow or sadness. I can call on Him when I’m just grateful. And I can call on Him when I need something.”

So, you start to help them realize that He is accessible all the time. Mommy goes to sleep, but God doesn’t. He is there for you. Mommy and daddy—we’re away. And some kids now, they’ve got cell phones, right? But it’s got to stay in a pocket or in a backpack. And your teacher is going to give you a hard time if you request to pick up the cell phone because you have a concern. But you can easily bow your head and approach God and call on Him.

Mariel: I love that you mentioned, Annie, that you can teach your kids to go to God, even when they’re feeling ashamed, right? Because I feel like that’s what really strengthens a bond, I feel. Like, the act of forgiveness—the act of acceptance—of unconditional acceptance. That’s very much what a parent would do, right, for their child? “Yes, you’ve spilled this milk everywhere and I’m so tired and I’ll clean it up, but I forgive you.” You know, that sort of thing? And your kids actually take note of that.

Robert: I think that’s the first introduction into understanding what unconditional love really means—that no matter what you do, even though you’ve sinned, you’ve told a fib, you’ve told a lie to your mommy or daddy, you’ve done something wrong, you punched your brother in the nose, gets you really upset, you know? But you know that if you’re really sincere about it in your prayer, that God still loves you and He still accepts you. The evidence of that is that you’re able to still call on Him and have your prayers answered. So, learning that early, I think, is a huge step to knowing that love isn’t limited by us just making mistakes.

Mariel: So, you mentioned that love and having our prayers answered—and we’ve all experienced having the various answers of prayers—it’s yes, no, maybe, and silence. Right? And I understand that some of these notions are probably going to be really hard to grasp, especially the “silence” one. So, how do we teach our kids about that part?

Stephanie: How do we teach them to find God or to know that He’s there, answering, when they just need stuff that is so tactile? They need concrete evidence, right? “I prayed for a bike. Where is it?”

Robert: Yeah, “It’s still sitting on the shelf at the store. Why is it not in my garage?”

Stephanie: Yes! “I wanted that video game,” “I wanted to go to the concert,” right? All these things. And again, that goes back to the gratitude piece and it goes back also to understanding our purpose. Our purpose is to serve God, right? Our purpose is we’re His sons and His daughters, and He has such good intentions and such good plans for us. And so, how does what we want, what we’re requesting help us with that? If I get that video game—which you really deserve—you should feel confident asking for it because you’re a great student, you’re a great helper at the home, and you know that mom and dad can’t really afford it right now—or maybe they can but you have to convince them. So, let’s ask God to convince them. But again, having that heart-to-heart with the child, pointing out, “Again, if you have a video game and you don’t have the self-discipline, it’s going to take away from your time. What’s the impact? What’s the consequence? Let’s play it through with cause and effect. If I get this game, now I’m glued to my TV screen an additional 3-4 hours a night. Why am I having migraines? Am I going to be able to do all the things that God wants me to experience in life? Maybe that’s why He’s holding out. Maybe we’re going to wait until the summer. What is best for us?”

Robert: It’s a constant reinforcement and reminder that God doesn’t always answer your prayers in the way that we think He is—just blatantly. Sometimes, that silence is what we have to be able to accept as being what the answer really is.

Stephanie: Completely. Our reactions to when God answers our prayer—there’s this wonderful little quick thing that I have to tell myself all the time: “More is caught than taught.”

Robert: Yeah. That’s a great saying.

Stephanie: We could tell them, “Wait on God! Wait on God!” But when they see how we waited, they get it. They can draw from that so much more. And when I have a moment with my children, I try to connect with them. I try to give them 10 minutes—it doesn’t sound like a lot but man, it’s all I can afford and it’s so powerful—10 minutes of just you and just I, it always starts off and ends with—I sandwich it with the phrase, “Mommy prayed for you. I asked God for you and He gave me more than I wanted.” And at the end, we pray together and I just pray for them. I just let them know exactly everything I’m hoping God will do for them. It’s their dream and their life, and what God has planned for them as well.

Robert: As parents, we want our kids to be even better and more fortunate and even more successful than we are. That’s our goal for our kids. I think teaching them prayer is going to be that foundation and instilling in them that, “At some point, you’re going to be what mommy and daddy are: raising your own kids and wanting them to be able to learn the same way that you are—all of these important reasons for wanting to be able to pray properly and having God listen to you.”

Mariel: Absolutely, absolutely. Wise words to leave our listeners with. Listeners, thank you so much for hanging out with us today on this episode of Faith and Family. We hope you’ll join us again next time.

Parenting Tips on Toddler Communication

Communicating with a toddler is like being a hostage negotiator. Listen to moms discuss effective ways to talk to a toddler, “and learn what didn’t work.”

Show/Hide Transcript

Mariel: You’re listening to Faith & Family, a Christian-family community that aims to promote Christian values. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Nothing can really prepare you for parenthood, not even a college degree. But you’re quickly going to learn that it is exhausting. I’m a Tired Mom. I’ve been a Tired Mom for almost 10 years now and my husband and I can’t even say that we’ve mastered parenting at this point. And everything that we’ve learned has been through trial and error and lots and lots and lots of prayer, especially during those dreaded toddler years. Now, having a toddler is like being a hostage negotiator. I mean, their list of demands is never clear, even when they’re able to express it, they’re impossible, and they’re constantly protesting and they never listen. So, how exactly do you communicate with your toddler? We have a few other Tired Moms joining us today on this podcast to share their experiences. Bernie, you there girl?

Bernie: Yes ma’am I am. How are you? Thank you for having me here. I’m excited.

Mariel: Jewell’s here too. Hey Jewell!

Jewell: Hey! I’m excited to talk about this.

Mariel: Mhmm, so both of you have toddlers, correct?

Bernie & Jewell: Yes we do.

Mariel: Bernie, tell me about your toddler, girl.

Bernie: My son, he is almost 4, just around the corner. Anybody who’s taken care of him knows he can wear you out. But for me, I guess what’s most challenging for my son is him toeing the line. He is at that age where he wants to see how far he can go before he goes into the serious trouble. He gives you the stare down and he gives you the stare down while you’re telling him multiple times like, “Don’t touch it! Don’t throw it! Don’t put it in your mouth!” And as you’re telling him that, he’s slowly doing it and he’s looking at you at he’s–

Mariel: He’s maintaining that eye-contact huh?

Bernie: He’s like, “I’m going to do this mom!” And he’s got the grin on his face like, “You know I’m going to do this. I’m going to commit.”

Mariel: What’s your favorite thing about him though?

Bernie: My favorite thing about him is he is at that age where you see him growing into his own personality.

Mariel: What about you Jewell? How’s your toddler?

Jewell: Well, I actually have 3 kids. I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I have a 6-year-old son, and my toddler, he’s 3 years old. My thing with Hudson, my 3-year-old, it’s not really annoying. He’s in this stage where he thinks he’s an Avenger. This guy has absolutely no fear. He really believes he probably can fly, because Ironman and all of those guys, they just jump and fly. So actually, not too long ago, this is probably super bad parenting… On our staircase, he actually went on the outside of our staircase. Our staircase is about 17 steps high, and I think he went on the 10th step and decided he was Ironman! He jumps off and oh my gosh! Well I wasn’t there but all the kids were like, “MOMMMMMY!” Hudson, he was crying, but fortunately he didn’t break anything, and you would’ve thought the kid would’ve learned, so maybe for a couple of weeks, he didn’t do it. And so he’s at it again, you know? And I try to have fun with it, but you know what girls? There are just days where I’m like, “Ok, you need to take that energy level from 20 down to like, 2 or something”.

Mariel: There are days when bedtime is 6pm, right? [they all laugh]

Bernie: That’s the truth!

Mariel: [joking] You’re like, “I don’t care it’s light outside. It’s summer. It’s really 8pm. Trust me.”

Jewell: And it’s funny because there are days when I’m just like, “Honey, seriously. Can you put the kid to sleep?”

Bernie: I know, you try to put him in the bathtub with that lavender, and half the bottle’s empty, ’cause you’re like, “I’m going to make you go to sleep!”

Mariel: And you’re there falling asleep while you’re scrubbing him (like), “Why are they like this?” Ok, so ‘Super Hudson, Adventure Hudson’. But what’s your most favorite thing about him?”

Jewell: He’s just in the stage where, when he sees me, he’s always just super excited so of course, any mother loves that feeling. So I’m trying to hold on to this stage that he’s in right now. So I think he’s in that ‘in-between’ stage where he’s somewhat done with his ‘terrible twos’. So he’s a little passed the ‘terrible twos’ stage, so he’s in this super energetic phase but it’s going to be transitioning into that ‘testing phase’. So I’m kind-of cherishing this moment right now ’cause I’m still going through it with my 6-year-old where it’s that testing and I’m screaming for him to listen to me.

Mariel: So I’m somewhere there. I’m straddling in between those things. Because my kids, my daughter’s turning 10 and my son, he’s just passed the toddler’s stage. He’s 6. I was trying to describe this feeling to one of my single friends and she was asking me why I was thankful that the toddler years were done. And I was like, “I don’t know if I’m thankful that they’re done” because I miss it! Like… it was hard, oh my gosh. There was one time when my baby was born, the bigger one regressed a little ’cause she wanted attention too obviously, right? So the baby pooped all over the white couch so she decided, “I’ll go poop all over the white couch too!” And I remember that being the hardest toddler moment ever, you know? But even at that moment, if I could go back and tell slightly-younger-Mar, “Hey, don’t be so frustrated. You’re going to laugh at this. I promise you. It’s going to be fine.” But I remember that day. I was not telling myself that. I was crying.

Bernie: I think anything that has to do with poop, it’ll make you cry.

Mariel: Poop equals tears.

Bernie: That equals tears. One time we were getting ready to go to Bible study and we were running late and Jojo (her son) decides to… we were all dressed up and everything. As soon as we were leaving the door, he hands me his poop. He’s just like, “Mom, here.” I’m like, “Here! Give it to me! What is that? What is this?” And I’m like, “Did you give him chocolate?” And I made the fatal mistake of smelling it and I realized it’s poop so…

Mariel: At least you didn’t taste it!

Bernie: Right? Thank goodness he didn’t go to that level but still, I’m like, “It’s good. I’m holding poop in your hand and we’re just going to be late to Bible study… good times.” [laughter]

Mariel: Alright, we’re going to move forward here. We love our toddlers but tell me about a time where they just will absolutely not listen to you.

Bernie: Everyday is like that. They don’t listen, I think. But the one time when I have to really make sure he does listen is when we’re at church because we sit in the nursery but still…

Mariel: But does he listen to you when you’re at church?

Bernie: [Sighs] Yes and no. There are times we have our good days where you just put the little iPad in front of him. I bring his ear phones and he’s set. And then there are times… and it depends on if there’s other kids there where he’s like, “Yo, my homies here so we’re about to get down with the get down and we’re going to make some noise.”

Mariel: Oh that’s right, he’s too young for CWS [Children’s Worship Service], right?

Bernie: At the end of the year, he’ll be CWS [Children’s Worship Service]. But for now, he’s my little sidekick. And you know, you can’t yell at him at church. Sometimes you give him the quick, little tiny pinch but you don’t want to do that either.

Jewell: I do! [laughter]

Bernie: Girl! I know you do! [more laughter]

Jewell: And you know what, Bernie? I do it with a straight face, I’m looking straight forward—

Bernie: Like, they don’t even know where it’s coming from, like it was a ninja pinch. A ninja pinch under the arm where you hope no one can see it… I have tried to… and this is always at church… I have tried to like, “I’m going to kneel down and I’m going to look you straight in the face.” I don’t yell ’cause I did that one time and it’s just like, not good. I don’t want it where people see ‘Crazy Bernie’ at church but at the same time, it’s like, “This is my kid. If you have a problem [with] how I parent, you can talk to me.” But at the same time, this is church and I try to teach him there’s a time and place for everything like, “When you’re at home, you can go bananas. But when you’re at church, maybe beforehand you can play around a little bit. But when we’re in church, you need to be quiet.” And so there are times I gotta really do the stern voice and look him in the eye because you can’t yell. And sometimes that works, and if that doesn’t work, I just revert to: “I’m telling on your dad!”

Mariel: When you kneel down though, is that your way of leveling with him? Is that a strategy?

Bernie: I think so. Instead of me being overly… let me just be on your level, let me look at you in the eye, he’ll know. And then sometimes when he’s about to lose it, I’d have to grab his shoulders and (be like), “Son, we are at church.” But at the same time, they have to learn. This is how they learn about how far you can toe the line, because they’re going to learn the look. They’re going to learn the look with the pursed lips and you’re talking underneath it like, [mutters under her lips] “You better not even… you better stop.” So I try to do that. I try to look him in the eye and see and let him know how serious I am. This is serious. So they kinda know. So those are one of the things.

Mariel: When they grow up though, they’re going to master the 5 words, the 5 magic words: Wait ‘til we get home. [laughter]

Jewell: What’s funny though, is for us it’s like, when we get home, I’m too tired.

Bernie: It’s like, “Wait ‘til you get home!!” –

Mariel: And like, “Wait ‘til tomorrow. Wait ‘til next week.”

Jewell: When you ask the question Mar, when your kids don’t listen to you, I think as parents, we just…it’s a lot of times they don’t listen to you and it really is because they haven’t really reached that stage where they can fully comprehend everything that they see. It’s like you have your toolbox like, “Ok, what is it today?” You know what I mean? You take out different tools. Like the other day for example, I tried to have Hudson go to Children’s Worship Service. I mean, he’s been attending Children’s Worship Service for the last year and a half. And on Sunday, he just did not want to go in. So then, I used my toolbox. My tool that I used that day was the ‘Option of 2’. “Ok so who do you want to sit next to?” ’cause he was like, “I want to sit next to you. I want to sit next to you.” I’m like, “Oh no no no. So who do you want to sit next to? To kuya (polite term for older male) or ate (polite term for older female)?” So his brain is like, “Oh ok so I guess those are my only 2 options.” He’s like, “Ok I’ll sit next to kuya.” And so it was a very quick fix because sometimes, knowing our children, it really helps. There are days when he will listen, and there are days where you have to use different strategies like narrowing it down to two options and he doesn’t think that there are other options.

Bernie: I like that. I like the whole ‘toolbox’ thing. That’s the truth. You just gotta see, gotta figure out which ones [are] going to work for that day, for that particular situation.

Jewell: Even when they were babies, right? When they were babies, we were told, “You have to even figure out which cry it is. Is it the hungry cry? Is it the poop cry? Is it the ‘I’m sleepy’ cry?” So I guess in every stage, you have to play this guessing game but we have that maternal instinct of knowing what it is.

Mariel: I agree with that. When my kids were young, I did try to level with them. I did the whole ‘looking into their eyes’ also. I did the ninja pinches. I did that. I did the ‘bringing them to the bathroom’. They hated that.

Bernie: You know what? When they get snatched up, that’s when you know you’re in trouble.

Mariel: And the thing is, it came to the point where I would be like, “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” And they knew what that meant, you know what I mean? [laughter] It wasn’t because you were potty trained or anything like that. It was: [sternly] “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” That is precisely how I would ask it and they would be like, [scared] “No…” [laughter] For me, what worked was, every time that they would get in trouble, we would have to get ourselves out of the current situation. For instance, if they’re freaking out over something over here, I would remove them, bring them to a different room first of all. We would sit down in this different room, even if it’s just like in the bathroom. Not ‘bring them to the bathroom’ kind-of thing. But wherever it is, it’s a separate room. We have to remove ourselves from the situation. We sit down. And then I have to tell them, “Ok, I’m going to have to punish you ’cause you did this.” And this was more for the advanced ages of toddlers obviously. Baby toddlers are not going to understand that. Baby toddler, what I had to do was hold their hands to make them understand like, “No. Stop hitting. I’m going to hold your hands for a little bit, ok?” They would cry, they would twist, they would do that ‘melting’ thing. Oooooh! Help me, help me, help me! That was hard. And one of my other mom-friends, what she did was… it’s so funny. She’s on a different level. But she makes discipline fun. She would chant things like for instance, “We’re not going to touch this socket”. When you say, “hey don’t touch that socket”, that’s not fun. But with her, it’s like [friendly], “We’re not going to touch that socket! Yay! Let’s say it together! We’re not going to touch that socket!” And then they’re all doing it together and they’re not touching the socket and I think, “Whatever works…”, you know what I’m saying?

Bernie: I like that, I may have to try that… kinda change the energy. She went from upset to switching it really quick.

Mariel: Yeah! I think what she did was take away the negativity out of discipline.

Jewell: If we were to do the 80/20 rule, the 80% of the time, we’re actually very loving and then the 20% of the time, we’re ‘mom-sters’. But I do believe kids need to see that, that when you act up, cause and effect!

Bernie: Yes, yes yes.

Mariel: We don’t want to yell.

Mariel: You balance it out with love.

Jewell: Yes. Lots and lots and lots of love.

Mariel: And I agree with that. I, too, am a yeller.

Bernie: Who isn’t?

Mariel: I’m a ‘mom-ster’. It’s true. But you’re right though, it is cause and effect and I tell them that all the time. They’re older kids now and I’m able to say, “You know what? You think I enjoy yelling at you guys? I’m tired. Why would I want to?” But yeah, it’s definitely about balance, right? Ok so now, we’re fully engulfed into motherhood. What do we pray for in regards to being a mom? Do we pray for that aspect of our lives?

Jewell: Definitely. For me, not just myself but even my husband, we pray to have the patience. Lots and lots of patience. And really, the qualities that we need to be good examples for our children. And it’s important for us to teach our children that they hear those things. It’s funny, I have to say that to my kids when I’m stressed… ’cause sometimes I say, “You guys are stressing me out.” And so they’re like, “Mommy, I want to pray.” And actually, my kids say in their prayers, “Dear God, please help my mom not to be so stressed.” [laughter]

Bernie: And that’s great! Because we know that no matter what happens or whatever it is, they know they’re going to turn to God first. That’s the one important thing.

Mariel: Even for when mom is going crazy.

Bernie: “Dear God, please help my mom not be crazy.” [laughter]

Mariel: Yes! Valid prayer.

Jewell: And you know what? You’re so right Bernie ’cause I think it’s the funniest thing, but I totally believe in what you just said, that it makes me happy to know: good and bad things, you run to God for everything.

Bernie: Right! You hope they carry that forever. Even with my son, before, we used to tell him, “Ok did you pray for your food?” The majority of the time, I’m putting his plate down and I turn around to get a drink or whatever. And I already hear him like, “Dear God, please bless my food. I love you God. Amen.” And just to know that you know to pray.

Jewell & Mariel: Yes, yes.

Mariel: What about specifically as a mother, is there something that you pray for Bernie?

Bernie: I think that aside from patience, I think it’s really, “God give me the knowledge and wisdom to understand when my son is going through those things because I don’t always want to yell at him. I don’t always want to be like, ‘Do you want palo (spanking) or do you want pinch?’ Give me the understanding, the open heart to be able to see and feel what my son is going through so I just don’t revert to just yelling.”

Mariel: There was a moment when my daughter was a toddler. She was 3 when I had my son. And I believe that I had suffered a little bit of postpartum depression. And there were a lot of times, of course, aside from the regular stresses… for me, what it felt like was I was constantly not doing enough. There was a moment where I had gotten mad at my toddler and I know it wasn’t her fault and then I started crying because I was like, “Oh my god, I’m a monster.” And that was the first time I apologized to her and I really wanted her to understand. I wanted her to know I did wrong. It was my mistake. It’s not you. Because I was so worried like, “Oh my gosh. I broke her. I’m going to break my toddler, she’s going to grow up, she’s going to hate me, she’s going to do this this this.” And I was freaking out.

Bernie: You’re not the only one, girl. I’ve done that to my son where I’ve lost it. Like why? And then I find myself crying because it’s like, “I’m horrible!”

Mariel: Right! And the thing is, I feel like motherhood is this constant… it’s like you give give give, you love love love but you’re so guilty all the time, right? But at that point, I realized I kind-of switched gears in my prayers and I said, “God, I am not the mom that these kids deserve.” I’m even getting emotional now! [gets emotional] But um, ’cause it’s hard, you know?

Bernie: Very hard! And you know what? It’s ok to cry, especially the new moms too. You know, how you have your baby, you’re losing sleep and all that… To the moms out there that are listening to this, that when you feel you’re at your wits end and you’re tired, your hair’s a mess, you don’t know what a manicure and a pedicure is like anymore, you feel guilty ’cause you went to Target and you bought a shirt that was on clearance instead of trying’ to buy something… It’s ok! Being a mom is not easy, it’s hard work! And when you see another mom, especially those new moms, give them a hug. Sometimes when I see some of these new moms, “Girl I’m going to just give you a hug ’cause I know that look of ‘you haven’t slept in a day’” The only snacks you’ve had was their (the baby’s) food, the melting cereals, the poop under your fingernails, I mean c’mon…

Jewell: No and you’re right it’s totally… and one of those things that we worry about is, “Oh my gosh. All of these people are watching.” But you know what? Don’t even worry about it because most people have been through that so they totally understand. So you don’t have to feel bad or anything like that. And I love Bernie how you said that it totally is ok. But always remember you are doing the best that you can and your kids will love you. We really are amazing moms, we do nothing but everything for our kids.

Mariel: That’s perfect. I think those are great words of wisdom for all of our moms listening out there. All you moms out there? We’re here for you. The moms that work, stay at home, commute, make dinner, go to school, you’re all appreciated, we all virtually hug you. And for those moms that are still going through the toddler phases, just remember they have a limited vocabulary, even though they’re yelling in your face, they don’t understand everything that we say and we can’t expect them either to understand everything that we’re saying but in the end, I think that it’s pretty unanimous that prayer works, right?

Jewell & Bernie: Yes.

Mariel: Yes, prayer works. So hold on tight during those toddler years, pray hard. We’re going to be praying with you. Thank you so much Jewell and Bernie for being with us on today’s Faith & Family podcast.

Jewell: Thank you.

Bernie: Thank you for having me, thank you for having us. And for all the moms out there, Sis Jewell and I are out here to give you a hug if you need it.

Mariel: Alright, so aside from finding us on incmedia.org, you can catch these podcasts on iTunes and Google Play. We’ll catch you guys next time on Faith & Family.

[PODCAST ENDS]

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Teaching Kids Gratitude

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Children imitate their parents, so if parents model gratitude and kindness, our children will learn to develop and mirror an attitude of gratitude.

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Mariel Gutierrez: Welcome to Faith and Family! We’re a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. I’m a tired mom. I have two kids, a husband, a dog, so I’m juggling a lot of responsibilities and you know it’s the common mom conundrum that the family starts off with: “Hey mom, where’s this? Mom, what’s for dinner? Mom, can you…? Dot, dot, dot, fill in the blanks, everything!”

It can get really exhausting. And most days no one really says, “thanks Mom!” or “good job, mom!” You know, and it’s easy for mom’s, maybe, moms like me, to feel underappreciated. Have you ever really felt like that, moms out there? Or could it be that we’re feeling quote unquote “underappreciated”? Maybe because we aren’t teaching our kids how to be grateful? After all, children are born without feelings of gratitude, it’s not something they know right away, right? It’s something they have to learn.

So let’s ask our moms who are with us today. Today, we have mommy Bernie, mommy Jewell, and mommy Emirick. Hey moms!

Everyone: Hi!

Mariel: How’s your day today?

Bernie: For me, normally Mondays are the days that I go into work, but for the rest of the day’s, Tuesday through Friday I work at home, and I also take care of my three-year-old. So it’s logging in, the boy wakes up, go to the computer, the boy wants breakfast, go back to the computer, and then the boy watches a little bit of Daniel Tiger, and I feel like I’m juggling work, at the same time I have a curriculum for my son. I have my good days, and I have my bad days, because as perfect as it may sound, it doesn’t always streamline like that.

Emirick: I am a teacher, and so it’s kind of nice because right now I’m on summer vacation. But, it’s summer vacation, I should be on vacation! I should be reading a book, and enjoying myself, taking frequent trips to the beach, but okay. So, let me paint the picture. My boys, I have 3 boys. They are 9, 12 and 15. The 9 and the 12 year old are on a swim team. Practice is at 7 o’clock in the morning. So, I have to wake up earlier than them, because they don’t wake up on their own. So, I get up at around 6, so that I could have a moment to myself, like you were describing, which is awesome! And then at around 6:30 I’m starting to wake them up. And I’ve got to do it a few times. I’ve got to make my rounds. I first start off by singing! So, I’m singing the “Wake Up” song, and

Mariel: Wait wait wait, no, we want to hear! We want to hear!

Bernie: Yeah I want to know

[Laughing]

Emirick: Ok, it goes: “Wake up! Waaake up! It’s time to wake up!” And I just…

Everyone: Yeees!

Emirick: I just kind of make it up whatever, clapping my hands, and they pull the covers over their heads. After maybe 15 minutes of doing that they reluctantly get up, put their swim clothes on, and I leave my fifteen-year-old in bed and we head off to the pool. So, they’re doing their warm-up and I’m sitting, you know, trying to memorize my processional for thanksgiving as I’m sitting there. And I’m planning, you know, some of the stuff getting ready for the following school year, so I’m doing my own little thing while I’m at swim practice, and I call my older son, and I call him, and I text him, and I call him until he wakes up, and tell him, okay you guys, you’ve got to go for a morning jog or something. You’ve got to read a book, you know, all this stuff. And after all that’s done, we’ve got to come home, I have to make breakfast.

Bernie: Mhmm…

Emirick: Then before you know it, it’s lunch. And I have to take Andrew to piano, and then they’ve got to memorize their processional, too! Then I’m quizzing them with their processional as well, and this is just Monday, ladies! It’s a pretty crazy ride on my shoulders.

Jewell: I almost feel guilty! I’m painting my day, listening to you guys because I’m a firm believer of: it takes a whole village to raise your children! So, I moved my parents back to live with me when I started having my children, so my day… I don’t know why I’m so tired! I actually have a lot of help at home!

[Laughing]

But I’m like, why do I sound so tired then??!

Everyone: It’s tiring! You’re still a mom! Yeah!

Emirick: And they’re little, so they’re crawling all over you!

Mariel: Yeah, but you know, but even with all of that said, there are still moments… maybe unappreciated is not the word? You know what I mean? But like, there are some moments that we do things, and maybe our family… well maybe it is underappreciated? Do we ever feel, or are there moments where we feel underappreciated? Or maybe underappreciated is just not the word. What do you guys think? Are there efforts that go unnoticed? What is it?

Emirick: I feel like uh… they take me for granted?

Everyone: Aww…

Emirick: Maybe the word is, I’m not looking for their appreciation, but I’m looking for them to pitch in, you know? Without being told. If I tell them, if I tell them

I often say to my kids, you know, there are six people in this family, and I’m like, in a team, where there are six people, let’s pretend… basketball. There are five people on the team. If only one person was running up and down the court, trying to make all the baskets and all the other four people were just like, that’s cool, I’m going to watch you, you’re doing a great job, you’re doing a great job… you know?!

Mariel: If they even say you’re doing a great job, right?

Emirick: Yeah! You know, today, we had a Costco trip. And I parked the car, we’re home, and they’re so eager to get in the door, so they can play their video games, and get on Skype and talk to their friends. And I’m like, “Boys! Should I carry all of this by myself??” And they’re like, “Oh! Oh, oh, yeah mom, do you need help? Do you need help?”

Everyone: Do you need heeelp? Do you need help?!

[Laughing]

Emirick: I’m like, “I don’t know? This watermelon is kind of like… heavy! The one you picked out, David.” You know?!

[Laughing]

Mariel: Oh man. You know what’s funny? Is my kids, what they’ll do, so we’ll open the trunk, and I’ll pick up the snacks that they want from the bags, and they’ll walk away!?

Bernie: Helping!

Mariel: They’re like, “We’re helping!” I’m like oh, no, no, no, no. You know, I think that you guys are right though, it’s not necessarily underappreciated. Like, for me, I’ve said it before, I feel like sometimes it is like a little bit of disregard. I feel Jewell: I feel that it’s not that it’s underappreciated, it’s… it’s more of they don’t know, you know? Since they were born, as moms, I guess it’s up to us.

Bernie: Mommy does everything

Jewell: Yes, mom does everything

Bernie: You know, I guess it’s up to us to kind of, to…

Jewell: … to teach them!

Bernie: To teach them.

Mariel: It’s sooo funny, because it’s… our fault.

[Laughing hysterically]

Mariel: This is not how this was supposed to go!

I feel guilty, again.

Jewell: That’s the reason why it’s a conscious effort to actually teach our children to be a certain way

Mariel: You know what, yeah. Ok, so on that point, you just … you hit the nail nail on the head. So could it be that we’re feeling underappreciated or all these other feelings that we just discussed? Because maybe we aren’t teaching our kids how to be kind, encouraging and grateful?

According to an article published on ksl.com, there are 8 compliments that kids are dying to hear. Okay so number one:

I believe in you!
That choice makes me proud
I appreciate your ability to… blank
I’m thankful that you’re in my family
I can trust you to be honest with me
You made a good choice
I know you did your best, and last but not least
I love you

Duh, right? So ok, we’re all tired, but how many of those things can we honestly say that we tell our kids?

Jewell: You know what? I’m feeling proud of myself right now! Because I’m like, wow! I do those things!

Bernie: Ohhh! Girl! Ok! Because I’m over here like… ?

[Laughter]

Emirick: Me too! I’m like… I’ve got to say these more.

Jewell: What you just said right now, Mar, like for example, another Christian mom has taught me that the older ones, you have to make them responsible for the younger ones. And so like with Hayden [her eldest son] or with Jasmine [her daughter, and eldest child], I always tell them, like, you know, I am so proud of how well you take care of your brother. You know, your brother, Hudson [her youngest son]. And ate [older sister, referring to Jasmine], you always protect them. When really on the side, I’m thinking in my head like man, you’re always so mean to them!

Mariel: Yeah, but you want to highlight the good that they just did.

Jewell: Yes, exactly! You know?!

Mariel: Reverse psychology. Right.

Jewell: And so I… I hope, hopefully he doesn’t hear this podcast! And so, what I like to tell like, Jasmine [is] are you proud of how you made that choice? Because I feel like it’s not just them making us proud or others proud, that they also should be proud…

Bernie: … proud of themselves? Yeah?

Jewell: Not necessarily having pride in themselves. That they, that they are proud that they are making good decisions. You know what I mean? For themselves, not just for everybody and so that’s why I think, like I said earlier, it’s a conscious effort to actively say these things to our kids even though really in your head it’s like… why in the world did you just hit your brother? You know, why in the world did you just kick your sister? So I’m hoping that over the years, as they grow up, that those things, those things they learn to, to implement in their lives. What about you guys?

Emirick: Yeah. You know one of the books that I read… I read a book called Mindset. And actually as you were going through the list of things that you should be saying to your children, it kind of meshed with what I learned in the book on how we need to praise our children. Not for their natural endowments, but for the efforts that they make. For the hard work that they do. For things they have control over, because we want them to, you know, through when we praise him that way, then it continues to reaffirm the fact that they, they… when they work hard, you know, that they’re in control of, of… of their, of their accomplishments, their successes, through their own efforts, and through their hard work.

Bernie: That’s what I also do for my 3-year-old. Because you know, he’s still at the, you know, learning stages, so for him, when he cleans up his toys, or when… you know, he’s… he does help with the groceries, I do, like what Jewell was saying, like, you know what Daddy? You know what JoJo do today? He cleaned up his toys by himself, and then you know he helped, he helped mommy do this and that. And when he hears that I see his reaction! And then he goes and tells his dad: I put away my books, and I put it this way, and that way. So, it’s just like, sometimes, it goes back to what Jewell was saying, it’s just like that encouragement, and it’s up to us to… to start honing [in] that direction. So… but I’m taking all these notes! Emirick! Girl, I am searching you on Facebook!

[Laughing]

Emirick: Just listening to you guys… it was really reminding me that I need to be a model for showing appreciation.

Mariel: You already are, girl! You’re a model to us!

Bernie: Right?! That’s what I was going to say! I’m like, I feel like I need to do 20 push ups after this!

Mariel: All right, so with all that said, in that sense of appreciation, what do we hope for them to learn about gratitude in terms of their spirituality?

Jewell: For me, as what I… what I find really useful or effective, is when you teach your child on the spot. When they do something, like… for example, if Hudson, or Hayden, or Jasmine, they did something well, I always tell them you know what? See how God has blessed you? See how God has healed you or your boo boo right away!

Bernie: Right.

Jewell: You know what? Why don’t you pray, and thank God for that? So, I’m like on the spot, like, we’ll pray right away. You know what I mean? Rather than waiting till the evening or something, because they see the results of their skin healing, or whatever it is, and right away they connected with: it’s because God God allowed this to happen. And so, for me it’s important to let them recognize that right away, so… It doesn’t have to be big humongous things, but it’s everyday little things that we do in life? That happens to us, that we have to always be grateful for. And so I think it’s important to immediately recognize them, thank God with a prayer, on the spot. You know what I mean? And so in addition to that even the evenings.

Emirick: Yeah. I also try to make it a habit that when, when you know, positive things happen in their life, that, you know, they notice that it’s God’s blessings, you know? Like,

But a think that I always talk to my kids about is appreciation versus entitlement. The feeling of gratitude versus feeling entitled, and how they are on two opposite sides of the spectrum. And I remind them to always stay humble. You know? You’re not owed anything. I forbid them to say, “I deserved it”. I remind them that God doesn’t owe us anything, you know? It’s, it’s our… it’s us who owe God, you know, everything that we have. So, I’m trying to think, instead of saying like, I deserved something, or… you know, I say, you know, you were blessed with something. You know? You were giving a gift! You know? And, and, and be appreciative [of] that gift! So we

In all the matter in the whole entire universe that God created, He created all the planets, He created all the stars, He created all these different things! He created earth, and look at all of the teeny tiny pieces of matter that we are? We’re so tiny in comparison to the whole universe, but God still gives us gifts. You know? And I’m like, so… cherish it. Doesn’t matter what it is, you know? It doesn’t matter how big the gift, or how little the gift, or whatever. We aren’t owed anything, you know? So, appreciate everything you have! You know? So, those are the things we talk about. Obviously, you know, talking about it is one thing, you know, but the action of appreciation is another thing! So, it’s a work-in-progress! You know, I don’t have the formula down, but I know that discussing it at least? You know, making them recognize, and not feel like I’m owed everything. 15:27

Mariel: Yes.

Emirick: And I’m hoping that, you know, it sinks in, but a lot of… I’ve learned a lot from you guys today, just in modeling appreciation. Because I don’t think I model it enough! I think maybe I might be a little bit more like: Boys! You need to like… work! Instead of being like: Oh, thank you son for making your bed this morning. Even though they didn’t, and I look at the bed like, you know.

Mariel: It’s the effort!

Emirick: Yeah. I need to stay a little bit more positive, because it’s really, really easy to get into that negative zone! You know??

Bernie: Right.

Emirick: And to make a conscious effort, and not go there all the time, but be a little bit more clever in your parenting, you know?

Bernie: Yes.

Jewell: Well, speaking during dinner, I try to… and another mom has taught me to do this just simple thing. By asking: What are, what are you thankful for? Like, what today, what from today are you thankful for? You know? I mean my kids are still young, and so it’s… I love this stuff that they come up with! You know what I mean? But one thing I do love, they always, always… three things they always say: I’m thankful for God, they always say it. I’m thankful for my family, and I’m thankful for the Church! All the time! You know, and then, and I love how they say… I say, give me three things, and they’re like: Can I have 10 things? You know? And so, it’s focusing on the… your right, it’s having that discussion. It’s so cute to have. Communication is key in and it helps us to understand, okay are they getting it? And are they understanding the importance of being thankful for the things that they have? Especially for our young ones, you know? I’m sure it’s going to change as they get older, but hopefully it stays in them as they get older.

Emirick: I think it does! Especially, I mean if my boys… because, you know, I’ve tried to do it since they were young. Especially in regards to God, you know? Like, be appreciative for God’s blessings in your life. And, they may not, like, always be the best at showing appreciation towards me? But they are pretty good about noticing God’s blessings, and thanking God for the blessings, you know? Because they’ll even tell me, like, sometimes when they come home from school, you know, oh my gosh this happened! And I prayed about it, and, and God gave it to me! You know?! And then I’m like, well, did you say thank you? And they’re like, yes! I’m like, ok good. You know?

Bernie: That’s good.

Emirick: So, it does… I think it does carry over, you know, into as they get older.

Jewell: I love how you said that, Emirick! And I think that’s the reason why the whole under-appreciation is not necessarily felt? Because ultimately we want to model by them appreciating everything back to God.

Emirick: Yeah.

Jewell: You know what I mean? Not necessarily towards us. Not necessarily… And I think that’s what we’ve, in the Church, what we learn is that the appreciation always goes back to God, and not necessarily to anybody. You know, it’s back to God. And how do we always give the credit back to God? And so, I think you really hit it on the point, Emirick, by saying that. That… that’s what actually brings it home for us, is that, when we rec.. when we see that our kids realize that the appreciation is back to God! You know what I mean? And that’s what gives us that gratitude of like, wow, you know, it really is sinking in them.

Mariel: Hmm, what about you Bernie? Is it too early to teach it right now?

Bernie: Um? You know, a little. Not, not… it’s never too early?

But I think that, you know, if you lead by… for me, right now it’s just by example, not just by words. And one of the things that, I don’t know, I wouldn’t say it’s to the extreme, but a few weeks ago, my son and I got into a car accident. And my son was with me, and I’ve been into a car accident before, but this is the first time that it was with my son, so that shook me up a lot. Because you know when you get into a car accident, and it’s just you, you’re jue like I’m cool, whatever, but this time you got, you got your kid in the back. And as soon as we got home, you know, I’m still waiting for my husband to come home. As soon as I got home, I said, son, you know… Oh-kay, don’t cry [clears throat] I said, son, we are going to pray. And he was just like, why? Because the acc-i-dent? Yes. So I had him kneel. And this was… I had him kneel with me. I didn’t even take my shoes off, I just dropped my purse, and that’s the first thing we did, was kneel. And we said a prayer. And then after we said the prayer I explained to my son why we prayed, you know? Because we’re thanking Him [God], that we were okay, and He protected us and we… we really didn’t get hurt. And you know… you know, my husband is like, oh, you know is the

Are we praying for the car, too? I said, oh you know, the car is just something that, you know, it’s just a car, but I’m praying that you and I are ok.

So, the next worship service, you know, anybody, you know, if anybody has talked to my son, he talks a lot. He’ll tell you a story, he’ll go a mile a minute. And so he goes to Church, and you know, I had posted a picture on Facebook about the car accident, so brethren from Church were asking if we were okay. And my son was like, we got into a car accident, and then the car went bam! But then we went home, and we thanked God that we were ok, so… it’s ok!

Emirick: Awww…

Bernie: So, to know that even at those times… I mean, we remind them about God through our, you know, when we accomplish things. You know, when the little boo boo’s happen, and even, you know, things that are a little bit more serious, you know, like something like that. Even if it’s the worst, no matter what you do, if you’re okay, you always remember to thank God, because we’re okay.

Mariel: Alright so, based on this podcast today, we’ve learned that appreciation though sometimes not feeelt! You know, but it can be taught, right? Gratitude can be taught. Yes.

Everyone: Yes. Absolutely!

Mariel: You moms out there, even though your kids or your spouse may forget to say it and show it? Know that we feel you! We’re out here. We know what you’re going through, and we appreciate you! And you know what maybe if we incorporated the language, you know, those compliments that our kids are dying to hear, into our daily routines? You know, we teach gratitude that our families will pick up on our, and appreciate… you know, learn appreciation, and be able to mirror that virtue. Right?

Everyone. Yes.

Mariel: Not necessarily because we need the praise, or the thank you, or the recognition for that two-day-old spaghetti that we packed into their lunch boxes?

[Laughing]

Mariel: It’s all good, right?? Two days is fine, right?

Bernie: If it was in the fridge!

Mariel: Hmmm! No, it was in the fridge, definitely. Or the oven? I can’t remember.

Emirick: It’s better! Two days later.

Mariel: See? We don’t need the thank you’s, but you know, appreciation, t’s a virtue that needs to be honed and practiced. So, I want to thank you ladies! Jewell, Bernie, Emirick… thanks for hanging out with us today on Faith and Family.

Everyone: Thank you! Thank you for having us.

Mariel: So, aside from finding us on incmedia.org you can catch these podcasts on iTunes and Google Play. We will catch you next time here on Faith and Family.

Talking About Current Events With Your Kids

Christian moms discuss how they teach their children to have faith and trust in God when kids are getting bullied and they hear violence in the news.

“Show/Hide

[Show open]

Mariel: Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome to Faith and Family. We are a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian values.

There’s a feeling when you first find out that a child is entering your lives. It’s the highest joy, by God’s grace you get through the three trimesters that bring you your bundle of joy. And then you’re faced with the reality that danger is out there. Just turn on the TV, scroll through your Facebook, watch the news, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you’re like me, once in a while it crosses your mind. It was much safer when they were in the womb. With me today to talk about the news is Jewell Buenavista and Emirik Haro. Hey, moms.

All: Hi, hello

Mariel: Doing well. How are you guys?

Emirik: Good. Good.

Jewell: This is a very interesting topic.

Mariel:Your kids are younger than mine, right? Mine are nine and six. So you have?

Jewell: Three, six, and eight.

Emirik: And then I’m on the other end of the spectrum. I’ve got nine, twelve and fifteen.

Mariel: Yeah. What’s the scariest thing as a mom that you hear in the news? Is there a kind of news out there that makes you want to shove your kids back into the womb? As painful as that sounds?

Emirik: You know, I guess terrorist bombings and shootings. Those are always very sad to hear about.

Mariel: Yeah. And it’s been one thing after another, right.

Jewell: Yeah, I had a recent experience talking about the news. You know, a lot of active shooting. It actually happened [in] my own neighborhood. I got sent home from work not too long ago, about two weeks ago, because there was a drug bust or something. So Harmony was there with me–my husband, and I said, “Okay, mommy was sent home early because there was somebody that was shot near mommy’s work, and they’re still around and the police is trying to find them.” So they were like, “What do you mean? What happened? What happened?” You know, so they’re just like, “What do you mean? What does that mean?” So this is their first time hearing something like this. I said, that’s the reason why it’s important that everybody stays inside the house until they find these people. Right?

And so I said, “Well, so what we should do right now is let’s pray so that God will protect us.” So that’s what we did. We prayed. I actually had one of them pray. One of them pray and say, “God, please protect us from these bad people.” So we prayed. And so then me and Harmony, we acted like everything is back to normal. We’re here, let’s prepare dinner and all of this.

But I did notice that my daughter, she’s older so she could comprehend a little bit more. She was asking lots of questions: “What do you mean mommy? How come? Why are they shooting people?” So she was asking all these questions. And so then, I did explain to her, but at every single explanation I always ended it with, “But girl, you know what, don’t worry. God’s gonna take care of us. God is gonna make sure those bad people will be caught by the police.” Then we went to bed, then the following day, fortunately, they caught all five of them. So the following day, the first thing that came out of my daughter’s mouth was, “Mommy, do you think the police caught those people?” It made me think about like–

Emirik: It’s still on her mind.

Jewell: She’s really thinking about it, but again, it’s the way me and Harmony. We really try to make it like it’s not a big deal. Like we need to create awareness, like they’re out there. That’s why everybody stay inside. Don’t go outside to play, you know, create awareness. But at the same time, not to panic and not to be afraid and scared. You know what I mean? It’s a hard balance, it’s a hard balance. And I’m like, “Sweetheart, do you want to pray again?” And then when I looked at the news and I saw that they caught all of them. I said, “See, sweetheart, I told you God’s gonna take care of that.” We always bring it back to God. I told her bad people get caught by God. So she was happy, and then we’re back to normal. But it was it was just the thought of–

Mariel: A good gift of faith too.

Jewell: Yeah, reality is we’re humans, we are going to be afraid, but we just have to kick it back to like, okay God’s gonna protect us. And so we have to remain calm.

Mariel: Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean being brave essentially, like fear is still an aspect of that. Right? You have to face a fear.

Emirik: Just because you’re brave doesn’t mean you’re fearless.

Mariel: Right, exactly.

Jewell: See the challenge is we have to be careful but at the same time you don’t want them living at home 24/7.

Mariel: In a bubble, right?

Jewell: You know what I’m saying?

Mariel: Obviously scary things out there. So how do we protect them from news? Or do we try to be ahead of media? Or I mean, obviously, we can’t keep our kids in a bubble. So how do we control it?

Emirik: I am a firm believer of being upfront and honest with your kids. And preparing them for the life that’s to come. When news comes out, we talk about it. “Did you see that on Facebook? Do you hear about what happened?” And we do, we have these discussions about things like that and we do. We always bring it to God. We talk about how we have to be prayerful, and no matter what you know, trust God, because that’s the–

Mariel: Emirick, I love how you said, you let them know ahead of time what to face in life because I’m a believer of set expectations. Yeah, it’s not a surprise.

Emirik: I let my kids fail. I let my kids experience pain. My kids you know experience what it’s like to have to burn the midnight oil to get a job. You know just all that stuff because that’s life.

Jewell: Because you know one of the things that’s always in the news now too for children is bullying, you know what I mean? And I hate hate hate–what I don’t know if that’s too much of a strong word, but I dislike very much how we’re raising our kids to be such like, they complain about, “Oh they’re bullying me for–” I’m not saying bullying is good. But at the same time, you got to toughen up.

Mariel: Versus now

Jewell: Like when my kids complain about, “Oh, Ate or Jasmine called me this or Hayden called–” I said, “So what are you ugly?” Yeah, I was like, “Why are you offended? Don’t let it get to you.”And here’s Hayden, “Ate called me this.” And I said, “Are you that?” And then he’s like, “No.” Okay, then get over it, then don’t let it bother you. Yeah, I mean, because our society today it’s so like, Oh, this protector, their feelings and all this stuff. And so for me–

Mariel: Society coddles them.

Jewell: Yeah. People must think I’m again– I’m going back to being a monster. And it’s because I really want to raise my kids to be fearless.

Emirik: Resilient. Yeah. I see what you’re saying. Because the same thing, right? Kids will tell, “Kuya said I’m a liar.” “Are you a liar?” And all that he’ll say, Are you a liar? And he’ll be like, “No, who cares what he says then.”

Mariel: You know what, my kids will say things like the other is an inanimate object. They get so offended. Like I remember my daughter who’s almost ten mind you, okay? She’s like, “Massimo said that I’m an electric fan.” I’m like, “And now you are right?”

Jewell: So like speaking of like bullying, right, so then I really believe in self depth. What is it? Self deprecating humor. Okay. So then Jasmine has really bad eczema and then Hayden will make fun of her eczema. And then she’s like, “Mommy, Hayden is calling me–making fun of my eczema.” I’m like, okay. We make fun of our obvious perfections you know, so Jasmine had eczema, Hayden at the time was stuttery, I have really bad bunion feet. Harmony hasn’t really–

Mariel: He’s bald!

Jewell: No he had lots of friends. So then I started with jasmine, what do you say when somebody says, “ooh, what’s wrong with your skin?” And then she’s like, “What? I got eczema. You got a problem with that? And then we all start laughing like haha you got eczema.” Because we have to be ahead of people making fun of us. You know what I mean? Like, you have to have self deprecating humor, because if you let it get to you, it’s like–

Emirik: If you can laugh at yourself first and then no one else can like affect you. That’s pretty cool.

Jewell: The whole bullying. I’m not promoting bullying. I’m just saying at the same time, we cannot raise a society of kids that are super sensitive, every little thing.

Emirik: Many times when we do take a look at what’s happening in the world. We relate it to a lot of the prophecies that are in the Bible. These happen because that’s how it’s supposed to happen.

Mariel: That means it’s the end.

Emirik: Yeah, it’s getting close. So you know, then we remind my kids, my husband so you have to be all the more vigilant in protecting your faith. You know, there are tricks out there, there are evil people out there, that don’t have love in their hearts. And then there are tricks that the devil puts out there for you. The whole moral decline of society where it’s, it’s actually more popular than following God’s will. You know, that’s a trick. So these are tricks that are gonna happen as the end gets closer. So don’t, don’t let yourself be caught off guard.

Mariel: Well, we’re gonna tie it up right here. While we live in this world is true, anything can happen. We’re humans just like everyone else living in the human world, but the difference is we have God and He has promised us His love protection and most of all his salvation. So though yes, anything can still happen. We have the tools to overcome it all. If and when it does. Tired moms, we understand you. The moments when you’re human and you worry for your kids and their safety. We’re here for you. If you ever need a sounding board, talk to us in the comments section of the INCmedia Facebook posts of this podcast. Remember to celebrate your babies, cherish them, hold them tight, and then let them go. Let them run, love, laugh, live fearlessly. Yeah, that’s the point, right? All right. [I] want to thank my fellow tired Mama’s here. Thank you so much Jewel, Emirick, for being with us.

Jewell and Emirick: Thank you for having us.

Mariel: Aside from finding us on INCmedia.org you can catch these podcasts on iTunes and Google Play. Hang out with us again Tired Mom’s next time here on Faith and Family.

[Show close]

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