Age Gaps In Marriage
[Show opens]
Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap.
Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.
[Show catchphrase]
Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.
Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life.
Jasmine Balacano: Hi!
Mac Balacano: Hi there.
Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment?
Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs]
Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then?
Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times.
Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow.
Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs]
Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it.
Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be.
So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap?
Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me.
Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?”
And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway.
Myrtle Alegado: Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other.
And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities.
Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy.
One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me.
Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs]
Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs]
Myrtle Alegado: So, Mac, how about you?
Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful.
Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now?
Mac Balacano: Yeah.
Jasmine Balacano: We are.
Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people.
I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits.
The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half.
Myrtle Alegado: And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess.
And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen?
Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times.
Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy thinker or doer. I think it is more of the creative side of me.
And I’m very laid back, and he’s just very high strung about time, especially time and efficiency. And, you know, like, sometimes we can’t even go to the mall without him being like, “What’s the most efficient route to get from this store, to that store, to that store?”
Myrtle Alegado:
Oh, wow. [laughs]
Jasmine Balacano:
And I’m just like, I’m a window shopper, right? I’m like, “Oh, I saw something there. Let’s go walk in there.” And he’s like, “That’s not part of the plan.” And I’m just like, “You need to relax.”
Myrtle Alegado:
Don’t deviate from the agenda. [laughs]
Jasmine Balacano: Yes, he’s very, like, itinerary based if anything.
Myrtle Alegado: Can you describe how you do deal with your different outlooks or approaches to life in general?
Jasmine Balacano: I think like every married couple, you want to talk things through, right, in a rational, calm state of mind. Usually it’ll take me about 30 minutes to kind of come around and be like, “Okay, I was being a little too much there.” So, you know if I can tell he’s really, like, in the zone, ‘I need to think about this.’ And I was just kind of like, “No, I need an answer now.” You know, we’ll start a conversation and be like, “Hey, can I just say something?” And that kind of gives the verbal cue to him that like, “I’m probably going to say something that you’re not going to agree with, but this is how I actually feel about it.”
And sometimes he’ll do that back to me as well. Like he’ll just kind of be like, “Look, this is obviously not meant to offend you, or this is not meant to be a hurtful thing, but this is really my perspective on it and I just want to let you know that it’s coming from a place of neutrality.”
Mac Balacano: I think there were moments in the beginning of our relationship, and including at the start of our marriage, where we’re adjusting to each other and certainly where we have moments where our conversations might have escalated. And I think it usually takes us a bit of time to come back around from that very initial, kind of knee-jerk emotional response that you might typically have in those situations.
And for us we really want, and take the time, to kind of calm down first. I think we learned that fairly quickly. We’re both feeling a lot of feelings, all the feelings, right now and maybe we just need to, you know, just take a moment, just calm down, and we’ll kind of continue the conversation later. But I think at the end of the day, you know, where we land is, like, and I really credit a lot of this to Jasmine, she’s really helped me get to this point especially as, you know, reminding each other that we’re on the same team, right? At the end of the day, we want what’s best for each other. And whether that means sometimes letting the other person have what it is that they want or that they need, or coming to a compromise of some sort, or something that works for the both of us, right?
She’s really helped me kind of understand that, “Hey, you know, just because sometimes we say something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what that person was intending to make you feel.” Our intentions aren’t necessarily bad. They can still be good intentions and very wonderful things that we want to come out of that conversation. And we just, again, need to take that time to really reflect and not be so emotional, so that we can, you know, land in a happy place or in a good place at the end of that conversation.
Myrtle Alegado: Well, I think it’s great that you can both recognize when the other is, you know, “triggered” at the moment and needs some time to kind of just back away from the situation, you know, really contemplate about things, and then you reconnect together and really get to that place where you’re both in a state of understanding of each other. So I think that’s absolutely awesome.
But going back to age gaps now, do you think your age gap affects how differently you approach things?
Jasmine Balacano: Usually, I don’t feel that our age gap really makes anything different. And if we do have a concern, we’re very straightforward with each other and we’re not trying to play mind games with each other either. It’s nothing like that. And it’s nothing about like, “Is that what your generation of friends do?” Like, we never, ever, question it like that. It’s more about the individual rather than what stage of life you’re in, I find.
Mac Balacano: And for me, you know, I don’t really think it affects how we approach things, per se. I think it just affects the nature of the problems that we face on an individual level, just due to the fact that we are in slightly different phases in our life, right? So, I think it’s not so much how we deal or approach the issue, it’s more we’re challenged with different things. I think that’s really where that comes in.
And related to that, I think our age gap does allow us to see things together or collectively in a more diverse kind of way. You know, it lets us approach things together from different vantage points or points of view, just because we grew up in slightly different generations, or we’re exposed to different things, or the current things that we’re experiencing at that moment are slightly different because of the different life phases that we’re both in. So I think through that, it just really helps us to be able to see things together from many different views, which ultimately I think helps us get to making better decisions, right?
Myrtle Alegado: I can see that. Yeah, for sure. And you know, there’s different data out there that categorizes the ages of those who are Gen Z and Millennials. So I think Jasmine, I probably consider you as a Gen Z, while Mac is a Millennial. What are your views on this, these two generations, and how much do you think they differ?
Mac Balacano: You know, I mean for me personally, I don’t think Gen Z is all that different from Millennials. I almost feel like they’re Millennials but amplified. So I think of things like, you know, even better with technology or it’s more intuitive. That’s something that makes me feel really old when I have to ask, “What is that? How does this work?” So there’s that. I think the other thing too, broadly speaking you know there is more, what I see, more activism, more acceptance, right, in terms of different social issues or social viewpoints. And then speaking of social, there’s also social media differences, right? So for me, I don’t have a TikTok account.
Myrtle Alegado: Same.
Jasmine Balacano: I’m always showing him TikToks, like, constantly.
Mac Balacano: Yeah, so there’s stuff like that, right? There are those slight differences, but I don’t find them significant enough in a way that dramatically affects anything, I guess.
Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I personally don’t like to consider myself Gen Z. I find myself right in between. I’m at the very end of the Millennial generation and right at the beginning of Gen Z. I feel like Gen Z’s have a very different outlook on life, in my opinion. I don’t feel that I share a lot of their opinions. I can’t come up with anything off the top of my head, but some things that I do feel that I share with that generation is, you know, not wanting to conform to societal [norms], or like, you know, pushing boundaries and limits. Those are some things that I feel that maybe I’m more in line with. But you’ll never see me doing a TikTok dance. Probably not. [laughs]
Myrtle Alegado: But why do you think there’s a stigma to dating someone when there is an age gap? How do you feel about the stigma? And this is coming from someone whose parents have an 11 year age gap. And, honestly, I never really thought about it. So, you know, what are your thoughts on this?
Jasmine Balacano: Personally, I think it could be a Western perspective, that age gaps are inappropriate. There’s a lot of that going around, I find. And, you know, perhaps people might come to the conclusion, or maybe assume, that the person who is younger isn’t able to make a proper decision, or maybe they’re being, like, groomed is a word that I hear a lot.
But the reality is, you know, and especially for me and Mac in our situation, I think it’s personally fine for the people involved in the relationship, and more importantly because it was a consensual choice. Sometimes I feel nervous about the stigma, maybe that I’m being judged. I definitely can say that I definitely was judged for, you know, starting a relationship with Mac because he is a little bit older than me. But most of all, you know, like one of the things that always kind of was reassuring in my mind was that I knew myself, and I knew my relationship with Mac. Mac never pressured me. He never put anything on me in that way, any kind of his ideals or perspectives, you know. It was always up for discussion, and he was probably one of the only people regarding that topic that made me feel like I had a voice.
And, you know, we always make sure that even now in our marriage, that we’re talking about these issues and these needs when it comes to our generational [differences] or the way we approach things. And it’s not just because of our age gap, but it’s because we want to make these decisions with consent, respect and with love.
Mac Balacano: Yeah, and for me, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate that I personally never really faced the stigma associated with our age gap, or I’ve never really felt that way. But I do know that some people think that it can be, for example, like a red flag when there’s an older guy who may be dating a younger girl. And maybe I think, you know, for some people they might think, “Oh, you know, there must be something wrong with that guy. Why? Why can’t he find someone his own age?”
And I think that’s usually attributed to the lack of maturity and progression in their life, potentially, right, and I think also especially since girls tend to mature mentally and emotionally faster than guys. So, I do think that’s a valid concern in some situations, and I certainly, you know, have seen examples of that kind of play out. But I can appreciate why some people may have concerns around that.
Myrtle Alegado: That’s true. Every relationship and situation is different, for sure. Right now, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, so that we can hear the Bible-based advice regarding our discussion today.
Hi, there, Brother Felmar! I hope you’re doing well today.
Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, everybody. Doing well. Thank you for asking. Hello to Mac and Jasmine.
So regarding age gap, for example the husband is 5 or 10 years older than the wife or vice versa, is this a problem? To answer that, let’s be reminded about something first. Let’s be reminded that one of our Christian values is to respect and honor our parents. That’s why in the Church Of Christ, we are taught to communicate and seek approval from our parents first, before entering courtship, engagement, and marriage. Therefore, so long as parents on both sides do not disagree with the relationship, despite the age gap, then the two involved may proceed with courtship.
That being said, what should parents consider before giving their consent that their son or daughter can enter courtship, which is also something the individuals themselves should consider before courtship and more so marriage? So, I actually answered a similar question to this on one of the episodes for the Heart and Soul podcast. The questions are slightly different, but the same Bible-based teaching applies. So if everyone could please listen to what’s stated here in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 19, verse 14. We’ll quote from The New Revised Standard Version:
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. [Proverbs 19:14 New Revised Standard Version]
Brother Felmar Serreno: So, based on this, one of the very important questions to ask oneself prior to getting married is: “Is this person that I am courting, or is courting me, the answer to my prayers? Is this person the blessing to me from God?” This is something parents ought to ask themselves too: “Is this person the blessing from God who will be the future spouse of my son or daughter?”
But how do you determine that? One way that helps is if you can answer yes to the following questions: Do they have genuine feelings for each other and have they proven themselves to be compatible with one another? Do they have stable livelihoods? Have they proven themselves to be mature individuals capable of making good rational decisions? Above all, are they both spiritually mature? So long as the answer is yes to all of those questions, age gap is not an issue.
Regarding the stigma or the judgments people may make about married couples who have an age gap, well, people concocting negative thoughts in their mind is something beyond our control. But what we can control is our reaction. How should Christians react to insults or negative thoughts against us for whatever reason it may be? We learned this in our Bible study on doctrines in the Church Of Christ prior to baptism. Let’s be reminded about this important teaching here in I Peter, chapter 3, verse 9. We’ll quote from The New International Version:
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. [I Peter 3:9 New International Version]
Brother Felmar Serreno:
We, Christians, should know better than to repay evil with evil. Rather, God expects us to repay with blessing or kindness. So, not just to Mac and Jasmine but to all married couples out there with an age gap, the next time you may get a weird look or remark from someone because of your age gap, what should we repay? Repay kindness.
So I’d actually like to ask Mac and Jasmine very quickly, “How do you control your reaction in these situations?” Obviously, human as we are, it doesn’t feel nice when you’re on the receiving end, right, of something negative. But at the same time, we are Christians, we are members of the Church Of Christ. In all circumstances, we must uphold our Christian values and the way we act or respond, right, we reflect the values that we uphold. So, how do you control your emotions in those types of situations?
Mac Balacano: Well, Brother Felmar, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate enough in these situations, it’s not often that I have a negative reaction from other folks when it comes up in conversation. But you know what? When it does, I usually try to make it a little bit more lighthearted, in terms of the situation. I just say things like, “Oh, you know, but we feel age is just a number. That’s not how we define our relationship,” just something that is, you know, more neutral or lighthearted to not make the situation negative or anything like that.
Brother Felmar Serreno: Jasmine, how about you?
Jasmine Balacano: I’d say the same thing. I’m a little more quick with my comebacks. When Mac says we do it lightheartedly, I usually make a joke out of it or something. I’ll probably say something like, “Yeah, I know Mac’s graduation pictures are in black and white,” or something like that just to be funny about it. But it does get tiring. It can be a lot. Sometimes I just tried to ignore it, but most of the time I would play it off with a joke or something like that.
Brother Felmar Serreno: Since you mentioned it does get tiring, how do you help each other out? Like, do you talk about it afterwards? Do you, like, vent to each other? You know, how do you deal with that when it does get tiring?
Jasmine Balacano: I think, yeah, we would vent to each other. Like sometimes, if we were out with friends, and then like on the drive home, we’d kind of talk about it. And it’d be like, “Yeah, that’s kind of frustrating,” and then we would just kind of laugh it off and talk about something else. Like Mac said, it’s not something that we really base our relationship off of. Our relationship is so much more than the number between us, and that’s why it’s not that hard to brush off.
Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And to everyone who’s tuning in, if you do have an age gap in your relationship, we hope that what Mac and Jasmine shared is of help to you. It does help to vent to each other, right, just to help each other, you know, get through it. Because like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, as Christians, when you’re in the moment, it’s better to just have a neutral response, right, a light hearted response. You don’t want to make a big deal out of something that really isn’t a big deal.
Like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, they are well aware their relationship is so much more than a number. But sometimes for others, you know, they don’t see it that way yet, right? So what are you going to do about that? That’s not within our control, right? But having that lighthearted response, because we are Christians, it helps to ensure something small doesn’t get out of hand. And then we can always talk about it after as husband and wife, just to make sure we’re doing okay and get on with our day.
Well, that’s all the spiritual advice that I have at this time, Myrtle, for our episode for today. I hope everyone enjoyed it and it was of benefit to everybody. I’ll sign off now, and I’ll see you all next time.
Myrtle Alegado: Thank you again, Brother Felmar, for sharing those Bible verses that definitely did inspire all of us today.
Jasmine, earlier you said that you felt like you were sometimes being judged for your age gap. And Mac, how do you feel about telling people about your age difference?
Mac Balacano: You know, I don’t personally really have any feelings about it really. It just kind of rolls off my tongue if it’s a relevant part of the conversation. Because to me, you know, it’s just a normal relationship, and again I don’t think it’s something that we or myself really use to define the nature of our relationship.
Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I’m actually fine with our age difference. Before it used to bother me, and then it kind of stopped, and then recently I think with the current social climate, it makes it such an uncomfortable topic. It’s not that I’m like, “Oh, no, my relationship is inappropriate.” It just makes it really awkward to want to tell anyone, because just the phrase itself, ‘an age gap,’ already has some sort of negative connotation to it. Just kind of what Mac said, it’s just like a normal relationship. And we’ve always been on the same page in terms of our views and things like that. So I am totally fine with it. It’s just something that feels a little bit odd to discuss sometimes.
Myrtle Alegado: And how much has your faith helped you in being understanding of one another and in accepting each other’s differences, and maybe even, you know, kind of dealing with people’s thoughts about your relationship, whether they’re warranted or not?
Mac Balacano: Having the same faith and belief system, first of all, I think is one of the most important things that you need to have in a relationship. And really because that common ground really creates a foundation for your relationship, creates a foundation of who we want to be, what we want for a future together.
Even around the time when Jasmine and I were thinking about getting engaged, before we got married, you know, we had those kinds of discussions, right? We really wanted to nail down, like, what do we want our future to look like? And I think that’s super important that people have those kinds of conversations. You know, “Do you want to have kids? Where do you want to live?” No matter what those kinds of conversations are about your future, I think the underlying thing that should be there, that would really help people, is that you have the same faith and belief system. I think that’s really important.
Myrtle Alegado: A hundred percent I would agree with you. So can you share what role prayer has had in your marriage?
Jasmine Balacano: Prayer has always been a very important part of our relationship, even more so now in our marriage, and even the days leading up to our wedding. Knowing that when we pray together that God is with us and that, you know, we can really rely on Him in our relationship to ease any of the anxieties or the worries we have about the future. And we know that every time we pray, that we’re able to do that together, that God is there with us, you know. And it’s always been a comfort to us whenever things were falling apart, even when things were going amazingly, you know. We always would pray and just be so grateful and thankful no matter what happened.
And especially when we’re planning for our future, one of the things that my mom always told me and I held it with me when I met Mac, even before we were getting married and now, is my mom always told me that you should always be with someone that brings you closer to God and that a relationship that revolves around God will be a successful one. I’ve always held that very dear to my heart. Every time we pray together, we’re never really that worried. We just trust.
Myrtle Alegado: As it should be. So what words of encouragement do you have for newlyweds, or engaged couples, even those who are simply just dating, who have an age gap that might be considered a generational gap as well?
Mac Balacano: Yeah I mean, for me, I think there’s going to be, you know, practical issues, some of which I’ve personally experienced. You know, whether that’s people having their own thoughts or opinions, or either of you are going to be in a slightly different phase in your life, right, maybe one of you is working already full-time, but someone is still in school or trying to sort out what their future could potentially look like. And just kind of think those through ahead of time, and just make sure that you’re okay with it, or have that discussion between the two of you to make sure that you’re on the same page.
And you know, for us, as Jasmine has mentioned, you know, it’s a conversation. We want to make sure that we’re both okay with it. It’s give and take, right? We’re building a life together, and we’re both pitching in in different ways.
So, you know, I think at the end of the day age is just a number and I personally don’t think it should overrule what you feel about each other. I think everything else that we’ve talked about, the foundation of your relationship, like all that stuff needs to be there. And I think age is just one of the many other different considerations that you should be thinking about in terms of your relationship.
Jasmine Balacano: I agree with Mac. You know, when we first started dating, I felt a little bit left behind. I wasn’t as successful, I was still kind of starting out my career. I was still in the process of, like, establishing myself in terms of my own personal success. But my best advice is, you know, find someone who wants to communicate with you, someone who wants to have those really hard discussions, those difficult conversations, right, and someone who’s encouraging you.
And these conversations always have to be done with open hearts and open minds, because if you don’t have that willingness to understand, that willingness to love unconditionally, when that stuff gets hard then it kind of speaks for itself. So, that really is kind of my advice is just be open minded, you know, be open hearted, be understanding, and be patient most of all.
Mac Balacano: And finally, I think if you pray about it and you have God’s blessing, we talked about we’re very fortunate to have, that’s the feeling that we have in our lives, that we truly feel that, you know, God has been with us every step along the way, and it’s coming up to our one year anniversary. And, you know, I think that’s really the most important thing, right, that you not only have a relationship with each other, but that together you have a relationship with God. That’s really all that matters.
Myrtle Alegado: Those were great words of advice, Mac and Jasmine. And honestly, we’re so grateful to you for sharing how you’ve managed to deal with an age gap in your marriage and as newlyweds. So thank you both for joining us [in] our discussion today on Happy Life.
Jasmine Balacano: Thank you so much.
Mac Balacano: Oh, thank you.
Myrtle Alegado: Hopefully what Mac and Jasmine shared today will provide some comfort to other couples who are currently dating, or perhaps engaged to be wed, and experiencing the same challenges.
And that’s the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.
Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.
[Show closes]
