Change can be exciting, but it can also be difficult for some, especially children. How do you navigate big life changes—like moving?
As a minister’s daughter, we would move to new local congregations every few years. I’ve attended 3 elementary schools, two middle schools, and three high schools, with the majority of these moves PRE-Internet. (Gasp!) Because of this, every new move—whether it was a 30-minute drive away or cross-country—felt like a whole new world. We would cry thinking about making new friends as well as the probability of us never seeing our old friends again. (Yes, pre-internet/ social media days were a little dramatic, I’ll admit). Now, as a mom of two, I can use my past experiences in order to prepare my children for change.
When talking to my 4-year-old about a change, a new school, for example, one way to ease her worries is to get her excited about new things. I involve her in picking out her backpack and lunch box, seeing and learning her teacher’s name, and getting familiar with a new schedule. I remember when starting a new school gave me so many mixed emotions, especially fear. We also talked about the importance of prayer and entrusting everything, especially our worries, to God.
I’ve also reached out to fellow moms with similar experiences with moving with children and discussing change with their families.
Audrey Custodio, a mom of four, residing in Northern Virginia, is experienced in moving her military family:
“They know they will always have a home”
“I can say as a military family in the Church we definitely have an advantage compared to other military families. Transition is hard. Everything is new but for us, it’s different because we know we have one thing that is the same no matter where we go. Our membership, faith, and Church family. We have centered the kids’ lives around our faith and membership so it doesn’t matter where we are in the world, they know they will always have a home. We remind them of this every time we have to move. Your school will be different and your friends will be different but the way we perform our duties stay the same. This has helped a lot with our transitions because instead of focusing on the new things they focus on being able to go to church and they are truly excited to find a piece of home no matter where we are.”
“Finding ‘our places’”
Czara Venegas Guerin, a mother of two, from Detroit, Michigan, grew up as a military child and is now a military wife. She says:
“We’ve moved several times, and I’ve always focused the kids’ attention on finding ‘our places’ at our new location. For example, we make it a family adventure to find our new go-to for pho, ice cream, pet food, groceries, donuts, etc. Everyone has a say and it isn’t ‘our place’ until everyone agrees. The kids love to be involved and the new location starts to feel like ‘home.’ After a while, the kids are determined to find all our new spots that they forget they were ever sad about moving at all! It makes the new location exciting.”
Chanel Bailey, from Baltimore, Maryland, has moved her three children, once internationally and three times cross-country in the span of 15 years. Her children are now 15, 12, and 10. She says that moving can be stressful and full of anxiety, especially for children who don’t have a say.
Her advice is to take the time to check in and give them space to express themselves and how they feel about moving. Validate their concerns and fears, pay attention to their behaviors, acknowledge these behaviors, and address them with the kids. The comforting part is that there is a connection with being in the Church and that they had some consistency in their life, which they would look forward to.
Parents are obliged by God to raise their children in the ways of the Lord and also nurture their emotional and mental needs. We must remember that our children are sometimes born or raised in situations that they did not choose.
5 tips on adjusting to change
So what can we do to help navigate these changes?
- Communicate openly—if a move is imminent, talk to your children about what’s to come. Be open to any questions they might have as well as emotions they might be feeling. Chanel says, “Validate their feelings and let them know it is normal to feel worried or scared.”
- Show the “move” in a positive light—show them photos of the new area, attractions, your new home, and even a photo of the house of worship to where you’ll be transferring.
- Keep your kids involved– maybe it’s picking out new sheets for their new bedroom or labeling moving boxes, the more involved they are, the more they will feel comfortable. As Czara mentioned, finding new places together can be a family activity.
- Rely on familiarity—as Audrey states, there is always a “home” in any locale congregation
- Always entrust all your moves and changes to God. Involve your children in your family prayers and in praying for the changes to come. Ease their worries knowing that God will be with them everywhere they go.
In the end, our kids will reflect our behavior toward the change. Let’s stay optimistic, knowing that God will guide our every step.
* Written with contributions from Audrey Custodio, Czara Venegas Guerin, and Chanel Bailey
