At one point, I didn’t want to look at the story highlights on my Instagram.
It used to be the first thing I would look at because it was convenient—a minute long or even less of my friends and people I follow sharing a highlight of their lives or content they want to share. But one day, when I started my routine of tapping through these highlights, my stomach began to churn, and then my chest began to feel heavy. It was that feeling of dread you get, like when you’re on a rollercoaster and know the drop is about to happen…
But I didn’t see anything scary; what I saw were my friends finding the “One,” my friends achieving goals, and my friends just looking absolutely happy.
These were all milestones, defining moments of life, yet why did I feel…sick to my stomach?
The not-so-nice “Must be nice” side comment
When you’re constantly surrounded by “highlights” of everyone’s lives, especially when their highlights are things you personally wish for in your own life, it’s easy to fall down a rabbit hole of the “must be nice” phrase. “Must be nice graduating with honors,” “must be nice being in a relationship,” or “must be nice landing an amazing job.” Slowly, you begin saying that phrase with bitterness.
But you’re not bitter towards them. You’re bitter toward yourself. You begin to see what you lack. You have tunnel vision, and all you can focus on is what you don’t have.
During that point when I didn’t want to look at my Instagram, it was when my closest friends all started getting into relationships. They were “soft launching” and “hard launching” their boyfriend or girlfriend. One of my friends made it “official” on Instagram, and another one posted her two-year anniversary.
When we would catch up for lunch, my friends would gush about their love stories and I would sit there listening, feeling my own heartbreak because I didn’t have that. I found myself being the single friend of the group, and although I understood my friends love me for who I am and they would always hype me up, I just kept thinking how there was now a barrier between myself and my friends. I couldn’t relate to them. I found myself wanting that, wanting that experience of getting flowers and getting sweet good morning texts.
All I could think about was, “How come I don’t have that in my life? I should have that in my life, right?”
To compare or not to compare…
“Out of sight, out of mind” no longer applied because my social media was flooded with relationship goals. It was the worst feeling in the world when I couldn’t feel happy for my friends because I was just so consumed by the comparison game.
Comparing ourselves to others isn’t new. It’s a feeling we’ve all had, and although it’s a feeling I don’t wish on anybody, the way we react to that feeling of dread is the only thing we can control. This is where we need to stop and make a decision on how we want to move forward from this.
Focus on your own wall of highlights
Imagine a blank shelf or a blank living room wall. If you were to put things on the shelf or picture frames on the walls, what would you put?
My mum loved printing out photos and hanging it on our living room wall. She always told me because she likes to look at them. I think I know why now. To my mum, those were her “wall of highlights.” She wasn’t looking at what other families were doing; she was looking at the amazing memories we shared as a family.
I realized that I was too busy looking at other people’s success that I neglected to fill up my wall of highlights.
When you fill your wall of highlights, find the things that you feel are most significant to you. It could be milestones like having friends come out to a Bible study, graduating high school or university, participating in Church activities or your first day at work! It could be simpler moments that make you smile— catching up with your best friends or carpool karaoking during a road trip.
Your highlights could be about doing something you love, be it hobbies or your duties in the Church. Those moments are YOUR wall of highlights. So post them on social media, create a highlight on your page, or go old school, print those memories out, and hang them on your physical wall! Focus on the things in your life that make you happy already.
But remember, those highlights aren’t for anyone. They are for YOU. Nobody else. Don’t forget to celebrate your own wall of highlights.
Choose The Trusted Influencer
Social media is an algorithm, a program. It will give you what you feed it, and it doesn’t know that you’re out here comparing yourself to others. So, read that sentence again because that’s one way to stop comparing yourself.
To put it simply: reprogram the way you think and see things.
We get influenced all the time by what we see on social media, and comparing ourselves is just one way of getting influenced. We think we need this and that in our lives because that seems to be the norm. Not just for romantic relationships but for anything! There might be influencers you follow online, and we often compare ourselves to their lives and think that’s the #goals we need to have.
But the truth is: as a member of the Church Of Christ, God guides me in my journey. Yes, I make my decisions, but I rely on God’s words to direct the ones I make. So when you’re caught up with what’s on your feed, and you’re feeling sick to your stomach because you’re feeling you’re missing out, pray to God, and let it out to Him. He knows you, and your timeline, so it’s always best to believe in, trust in, and rely on what God can do for us.
“The Trusted Influencer” on INC Media discusses exactly this. The program’s panelists discuss what our values should be, and my favorite part about it is a classic-iconic quote from Brother Bob:
“And since He’s the Creator, of course, He knows what is good for His creation.”
Watch this really insightful program here.
Your wall of highlights is living proof that your life is unique!
God has carefully selected a story arc for you, and it’s time you read your own story. Sure, you don’t have what the other person does, but think of it this way – God created us, and so in every part of our lives, He directs us, just like the timely Verse of the Week episode on the FOMO (fear of missing out).
The episode highlights a phrase that really got me:
“But as God’s people, our best life lies in the Lord God.”
That stood out to me the most because my wall of highlights is my own living proof that my best life does lie in God. Everything that I have – my job, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my duties in the Church — God gave to me. It’s what makes my life unique, what makes me unique. Sure, I may not have exactly what my friends have, but that doesn’t make my life any less. My life is blessed, just told differently.”
Remember, your life’s highlights are blessings from God
Be thankful.
It’s always okay to just step back and be thankful for your wall of highlights (physical or virtual). We often get caught up in the social spider web—entangling ourselves into a weave of comparisons, focusing on things in this world, such as the things we don’t have, and feeling sad about it.
I mentioned earlier to focus on yourself and the things in your life that make you happy. Let me rephrase that; focus on the things God wants you to do, and what God has given you. You’re not your best friend, your sibling, or your coworker. You are you!
And your life is worth celebrating, so let’s stop playing the comparison game and play a new one called the gratitude game.
Thank God for your blessings, and express your gratitude to the good people whom you made memories with
On a Making Changes podcast episode, “Expressions of Gratitude” host Aliw expresses her gratitude to her Aunt, who introduced her to musicals. That one simple memory full of happiness became part of her wall of highlights and has influenced her greatly. So, rather than comparing ourselves to others, let’s instead be inspired by them.
Trust me, after putting together everything I wrote in this blog, I find it easier to open my Instagram highlights because I’m proud of my friends and their successes. But I’m also proud of my own successes, and I’m grateful that myself and the people I care about are all #winning.
So be thankful because God made your story a good one—put that in your highlights for everyone to see!
