Dealing With Disappointments
(Show opens)
Chloe dela Paz
I didn’t get the grades that I wanted
JR Dongalen
They’re not always gonna be there for you.
Lovely Mendoza
We want to give advice right away. But you know what, it is very important to listen.
(On-screen text graphics)
Dealing With Disappointments
Brother Felmar Serreno
Whether we like it or not, disappointments are a part of life.
(On-screen text graphics)
Brother Felmar Serreno
Minister of the Gospel
Brother Felmar Serreno
Here with me to discuss its various shapes and sizes are Chloe dela Paz, who is Gen Z, JR Dongalen, a millennial, and Lovely Mendoza, who is Generation X. Hello, and welcome to the show.
Chloe, if you could share with us please a time when you were met with disappointment, even though you tried so hard for success? And how did you react to that?
Chloe dela Paz
Yes, so I am currently a university student.
(On-screen text graphics)
Chloe dela Paz
College Student
Chloe dela Paz
I’m currently a third year student studying Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Science. And so one example, or experience that I can think of is me studying for my pharmacology exam, which has to do a lot with medical terminologies, and a lot with mechanisms of action.
(On-screen text graphics)
Dealing With Disappointments
Vantage Point
Chloe dela Paz
And so I really wanted to study hard for it. I am naturally a high achiever. I’m naturally an overachiever, actually. And I really wanted to get those good grades. And so I studied day and night, had my flashcards on me every single minute of every day. And when I came to do my test, and I got my results back, I didn’t get the grades that I wanted, they were not good on my standards. And so I felt disappointed. I felt really sad and really almost frustrated at myself, like, why couldn’t I have done better?
Brother Felmar Serreno
Now, another side to disappointment is disappointment in people, maybe you just didn’t see eye to eye with someone in your local congregation, or perhaps a friend that you were counting on, couldn’t be there for you at a vital time in your life. JR, have you ever experienced something like that?
JR Dongalen
I most certainly have experienced something like that.
(On-screen text graphics)
JR Dongalen
Content Creator
JR Dongalen
I mean, my friend groups have evolved over the course of the last couple of years. But the one biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that not everybody you think you are the closest to or you think is your best friend. You know, they’re not always going to be there for you, even in the times where you need them the most. And I learned that in times when there was conflict, there were times of need, where I just needed support, even when I’m trying to celebrate a personal or personal experience, a business endeavor that I’ve created or something like that, and they’re nowhere to be found. So, you know, I’ve learned that disappointment is something that is an experience to teach you and say, Hey, like this might be time for me to change something around my life.
Chloe dela Paz
Brother Felmar, you’ve heard, JR’s, experiences and you’ve also heard my experiences. And so we wanted to ask you, was it wrong for us to feel these kinds of disappointments? Was it wrong for us to feel these negative emotions, when we encountered these kinds of situations in our lives?
Brother Felmar Serreno
No, not at all it to have that feeling of disappointment is not wrong in itself. In fact, let me read for you something we can find here in the Holy Bible, an example of someone who did have those feelings of disappointment or sadness. In the book of Job chapter 17, verses 11 and 15.
My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart. Where then is my hope – who can see any hope for me?
[Job 17:11 & 15 New International Version]
Brother Felmar Serreno
What we read here has to do with the experience of God’s servant Job, who mind you, was counted as blameless and upright. Nevertheless, what did he experience? If we go to chapter One of the book of Job? It describes for us how Job’s possessions were robbed, how his livelihood was struck by calamity, and how all of his children died at the same time. Adding to this everything else that happened to Job, how did he feel about it? Well, we heard how he expressed his disappointment and sadness. He said, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart.
(On-screen text graphics)
Dealing With Disappointments
Vantage Point
Brother Felmar Serreno
So again, Chloe, the feeling of disappointment is not wrong, per se. Living in this world, we all go through it. At times, it’s due to our own limitations, other times it’s external factors like other people, or situations that are just beyond our control. Still another form of disappointment is that through the eyes of a parent, Lovely, when your child is expressing directly to you, that he or she is going through disappointment, or perhaps indirectly, through the mood or body language. Do you go? I’m dealing with my own problems right now? Or, you know, do you send them to the freezer to get a tub of ice cream? You know, have some of that you’ll feel better? How have you dealt with your child’s disappointments?
Lovely Mendoza
That’s a very good question. Brother Felmar. Yeah, because it is happening from time to time in our house.
(On-screen text graphics)
Lovely Mendoza
Lovely Mendoza
And that is normal. So what I usually do, I want to make sure that I can pause for a sec, I need to know. Who is the child in front of me? What is his or her weakness? Or weaknesses and [strengths]? And from there, I could assess how I would open the conversation, and once we open the conversation, even a little bit? Well, you know, what we can also be aware, we can assess what is the degree of that disappointment? It could be low, it could be on the middle, but it could be on high disappointment level. So for whatever or [ however] they feel at that time, you should acknowledge it. It doesn’t mean that you are agreeing, but at least they can feel that you are acknowledging what their disappointment [is]. From there on, I think that’s the way that I can find a solution, how to talk and how to give an advice to my child. But I will never ever step back. Even if I’m busy. When I see that [from] my child. When they show that disappointment directly or indirectly. I should pay attention to that one.
If I may ask you Brother Felmar for parents and youth alike. What’s some advice from the Bible on handling disappointments?
Brother Felmar Serreno
Right? Well, to answer that, we’ll go to the book of Jeremiah. The chapter is eight and the verse is 4.
Once again give them this message from the Lord: ‘When a person falls, he jumps up again; when he is on the wrong road and discovers his mistake, he goes back to the fork where he made the wrong turn.’
[Jeremiah 8:4 Living Bible]
Brother Felmar Serreno
According to the Bible, we should not allow ourselves to be defeated by disappointments. Why are we sure? Because the Lord God is telling us when a person falls, he jumps up again. And so I’d like to ask Chloe and JR, how do you jump up again, after a disappointment? What do you do to dust yourself off or to reset, so to speak, so that we can keep moving forward?
Chloe dela Paz
First of all, I know my friends know this, but I allow myself to feel those emotions first. You know, even for a brief moment for a couple of minutes, if I feel sad, or if I feel angry or disappointed, I will just cry it off. Really, just for a couple of minutes, allow myself to just feel overwhelmed. That way I can clear my mind out. It’s my way of, you know, going back to square one. And after that, the next thing I do is always to pray. I will pray for the strength for the motivation for the inspiration that I need so that I not only can keep pursuing my dreams, especially in my career, but most of all I can use my life and my strength to keep serving our Lord God.
JR Dongalen
Yeah, I mean I echo all of those things Chloe said if you need to take a second literally to drop on your bed face down and just start crying. I’ve done it before. I’m sure all of us have done it before. Do that because you don’t want to feel it later on. You don’t want it to bottle up and boom your emotions. Just go crazy.
(On-screen text graphics)
Dealing With Disappointments
Vantage Point
JR Dongalen
And one of the things that I’ve learned to do over time is just to pray to God for that strength because our emotions can get the best of us. And often times they’re so unpredictable. We never know what’s going to happen in the moment when we’re feeling so tight and so tense. Really important for us to call unto God to ask for that strength and to allow us to find peace and to settle our mind. And then, on top of those things, it’s having healthy distractions. So the things that I like to do are unfinished projects. You know, hobbies of mine, I like to pick up again and to do those things, just to get my mind off of things.
Brother Felmar, you know this, that, you know, we are going to meet different types of disappointments in the future. And you know, that might be caused by other people, work, in our school environment. So as members of the Church Of Christ, when we’re in these moments, what can or what should we hold on to so that we don’t become so negative or get swallowed up by these natural human emotions?
Brother Felmar Serreno
Great question. Let me read for everyone what’s stated here in the book of Jeremiah chapter 29, this time, and the verse is 11.
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.
(Jeremiah 29:11 Today’s English Version)
Brother Felmar Serreno
According to the Bible, God has good plans for his faithful servants. He plans to bring us prosperity, and the future we hope for so when we find ourselves in moments of disappointment, whether due to something or someone, understand, that’s not the end of it. What should we hold on to? What should comfort us and keep us going? God’s promise, His Word, to bring us prosperity, and the future we hope for.
In this, I’d like to ask Sister Lovely, and this will be our last question for today. As a Christian parent, what are your tips when it comes to parenting your child’s disappointments? And more importantly, how do you make sure that those experiences do not stunt their faith?
Lovely Mendoza
You know what it is very, very important for us parents to listen carefully, on every word that they are saying, and even like, even [if] it’s not through words, you should be very, very observant. And sometimes we want to give an advice right away. But you know what? It is very important to listen. And while you are listening, you have to show your child that you are calm and relaxed, whatever you are hearing from them. Because it’s not good that you are panicking, while they are telling you what happened, or how [do] they feel [at] that moment. So how can they trust you if you are not calm? So when they are saying something, ask more questions to clarify.
(On-screen text graphics)
Dealing With Disappointments
Vantage Point
Lovely Mendoza
If you don’t understand your child, ask more questions. And do not judge him right away. There is a possibility that we always jump into conclusions. And we will say “Oh, that’s right, or that’s wrong.” No, that moment, don’t say it. Just show how curious you are and how sincerely you are to help him or her.
So what I usually do, like I just want to share this to you guys. When my child has some disappointments, I just want to make sure that I always change the ambience. I can ask for a date. So if I will ask my daughter. I have to think of what is a very interesting place for her. I can go to a coffee shop. I can go to the shopping mall. For my son – there are some places that he might not think that I am interested in because I’m a mom, but I could surprise him to bring him to the place that he likes that he thought that I don’t like that moment right away, he will be surprised, and he will give me, like, this smile. And when we are there in that moment.
That’s the time that you can share some stories as well. And that story that is relevant to the situation. I always share the stories, especially when I was exactly at their age, I will not be embarrassed to accept that I have some mistakes. And I will always emphasize, how did I face the mistakes that I made? How did I face that lowest point of my life? And then how did God uplift me? And how did God help me?
Brother Felmar Serreno
Sister Lovely, that’s awesome there what you mentioned there, how you really put in that effort to connect with your children. What I wanted to ask is, how has the reaction been? When it comes to your children receiving your advice, learning about your experiences? This method, if you will, that you have used? Has it proven effective? What are the results that you have seen in your children?
Lovely Mendoza
Actually, I noticed a positive response from them. It’s because they can hear from you that it is normally happening. And they can hear it that “Oh, yeah. My parents understood what I’ve said. And yeah, it’s normal. So- and yeah, I should think about God! And God can help me at all times. He will never fail me.” So, in that moment, we will always remind our child to be prayerful, faithful, and grateful. Those are the three keywords that we always emphasize during those talks that we have.
Brother Felmar Serreno
Well, that’s all for us today here on Vantage Point. See you all next time!
(Show close)
