Mariel Gutierrez:You’re listening to Faith and Family, a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian values. I’m Mariel Gutierrez: Today we’re going to talk about the three parenting methods to leave to our husbands. And they are number one, to model spirituality in our household. Number two, help our sons navigate through puberty. And number three, to teach our daughters their self worth. We’re leaving these to our husbands because as the heads of our household, they are just more effective at it than we are. Are they?
Mariel: And according to a report in fathers and their impact on children’s well being, even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, more confident to explore their surroundings and as they grow older, they have better social connections.
Bernie: Right, right.
Mariel: So we’re going to get right down to it. With me today are other busy multitasking dinner cooking, early rising tired moms, Emirick, Jewel, And Bernie.
Bernie: I agree. My husband is Jerry. And he’s super fun. I’m like the regulator of the household. And he’s a fun guy. And when I mean fun like I walked into the house one day and they were putting like there was spraying whipped cream into each other’s mouth. Oh, so Jerry he likes to take the time to explain to Jojo who is four and when Jojo’s going through one of those ask a million question moods just like, Why? Why? why? And Jerry doesn’t like to give him half answers. Just so you know, Jojo will stop asking. Oh, which I love.
Jewell: Awesome Bernie.
Bernie:Yeah, yeah. And Jerry also being a son of a minister, he believes in teaching Jojo spiritual guidance before anything. And to put God first and everything else will fall into place. And it may even be painful sometimes, but God will always you know, take care of his children and so he tells Jojo that he can pretty much always pray and talk to God about you know anything so sometimes Jojo when he feels frustrated, sometimes even with me he was just like, Mom, I just, I just need to talk to God for a second. He said about three sentences with a little bit of help, but he was like, Dear God, please bless our parents. Thank you God for everything. We love you God, Amen. And that was it. And I tell you, that was one of my proudest moments and just, the fact that my husband, that time that he took really gave my son the confidence to pray and not be afraid.
Jewell: I think that’s so–I love love, love hearing that because in today’s world it’s the lack of that spirituality. It’s so sad, you know what I mean? Because, you can take on that burden themselves. Whereas I love how Jerry is teaching your son like, don’t take the burden yourself, you know, leave it to God and it’s so amazing that your son Jojo is learning. Our children are learning that at an early age, you know what I mean? That it’s the thing to do. That’s the automatic thing to do. And it’ll just make Jojo growing up, it’s gonna make life so much easier.
So thanks for sharing that.
Alright let’s move on to number two: help our sons navigate through puberty.
Emirick: I have three boys. So Russell is my oldest. He’s 16 years old now. And then Andrew is 12. So he’s in that tween years, tween stage, entering the adolescence. It’s okay because I’ve gone one round so I’m a little more confident this time. And then the little one is David. He’s 10 years old. So yeah, I have three boys. So if you’re talking about puberty and talking to boys about puberty, I don’t have much to offer except scientific information, you’re going to experience hormones and then you’ll start to smell a little different.
Okay, I have three boys and I’ll give you an example. So they have the school talk, and I kind of follow up with like, I give them the permission, you have to sign, you have to sign the form that gives them permission. So I give him permission and then I’ll I’ll follow up and say, so what did you learn? And then he’s too embarrassed to tell his mother like, I don’t know nothing. What? I’m like did you talk about hormones?
Jewell: and it makes me feel awkward you saying that!
Emirick: I’m like, did they show you pictures? Did they show you where your urethra is?
Okay, quick story. So, you know, I think we’re covered because he watched the video. I followed up with the discussion. We’re good, right? So my son’s in bed when he was about 12 or 13, he was laying in bed and it was time to turn the lights off and he was sitting with his iPad. And I’m like, okay time to go to bed hand it over, you know, and then so he quickly like, you know, he’s trying to shut it down, all frantic, and I’m like–
Bernie: Control, alt, delete!
Emirick: How do I delete the history? So I’m like, give it to me, so he gives it to me and then he quickly tucks himself in bed in hides. And so I’m walking out of his room. He just gave me the iPad and now turning around and walking out of the room and I turned the iPad on the last thing he was looking at was this website that had adult content on it. Totally not for children. This is my very first experience with this. So I’m like, What? Oh my God, my first instinct so funny because I don’t think my son is there, or he’s ready for that kind of thing yet, right? Even though I just got the iPad from my son in his room, and I turned it on and I see that, my first instinct is to yell at my husband. I’m like, Luis! What are you looking at? And he’s like, what are you talking about? And I’m like, look! He’s all like I didn’t look at that. And so now we’re like, What? Are you? Oh, yeah.
So my husband and I start going through the history of looking up, you know, and my husband’s like, calm down. It’s okay. This is normal and He’s like, he’s like, look at the history. He’s looking up pregnant uterus. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind. But anyway, my husband takes the wheel. He’s like, I got this calm down. It’s gonna be okay. You know and so he goes back in the room and they they talk for like five minutes and and he’s like, we got a date we’re going to the movies. So that weekend they go to the movies and my husband they go an hour before the movie so that they could have the talk. And they did and so I think fathers especially with sons going through puberty, right. They offer you know more than what their fifth grade or seventh grade teacher can show them what more than what I can tell him. My scientific–
Bernie: Go crazy.
Bernie: You better respect a woman’s body! Don’t you ever look at her!
No you can’t talk to her!
Emirick: But they offer experience because they have experience. They know how to navigate through all those experiences. And so they had a really deep talk. And then after that they had a part two and a part three. So over. Yeah, so over several weekends, they had a chat and it puts me at ease knowing that my son is being guided through this very difficult time of your life.
Mariel: Okay. And finally, number three.
Mariel: Dads, fathers or husbands, they can teach our daughters through self worth. It makes sense that our husbands take handle on the process of navigating through puberty as a man, right with our sons. But what about their role in our daughter’s lives? Studies revealed that a father has a greater impact on their daughter’s ability to trust, enjoy and relate well to the males in her life. Well father/daughters usually are more confident, more self reliant, more successful in school and in their careers than poorly father/daughters.
Jewell: I love this topic because there’s so many girls out there who lacked that confidence even though they’re beautiful. They don’t understand their self worth. And so that’s so big for me. Since I have a daughter that my daughter grows up with confidence. Harmony, he doesn’t really verbalize things a lot. A lot of it is action driven. So he takes lead–like what I’ve mentioned before he takes Jasmine out to like his weekly lunch dates taking that time out and you know, going to her school, and you know, even if it’s for 30 to 45 minutes, but that that 30 to 45 minutes of his day where he makes her feel so important. It’s empowering for her because it creates that, wow, I’m important. The other point that I wanted to make because we were actually talking about this not too long ago. How can we build that confidence in our daughter? See Jasmine is only eight she’s turning nine in a month. So it’s not like he has these heart to heart talks like, oh, because she’s not at that, that stage yet. But where I do feel that where she’s learning from him is how he treats me. Because Harmony, he’s a true gentleman. I mean, he’s the type of guy that really opens doors. I’m actually at a convention right now. In out of state. And you know, Jasmine keeps asking, kept asking him before we left. Daddy, do you have to go? Do you have to go? And Harmony basically says, Well, you know, I don’t Want mommy to drive by herself because I want to make sure I take care of her. And so he does a lot of– he really I’m a strong woman, but next to Harmony, I feel like the weaker half because I really do feel that he caters. He really takes care of me like that. And I think Jasmine witnessing that helps her see her worth and so that in the future, like if she ever finds a guy, that’s how she should be treated. Yeah, like that’s how she should be treated. And so I feel it’s so important for for fathers to show that to their if especially if they have daughters how a woman should be treated right?
Mariel: Oh, my husband, Ej recently did something unexpected for my daughter. Usually the split of the focus of parenting is by gender for us. And so for Matea, her and I will usually cook and chop and talk together. So our relationship is kind of gearing more towards like being friends. And I’m sure that one day when she’s an adult, we’re going to be great friends right now. I’m like, heavy on the mom side more. But anyway, so she had a talent show recently and her and I prepared for it. I helped her. We sang together, we rehearsed and the day came and it was great. And then it was just done. Well, anyway, my husband he was he was very supportive the whole time. He told her she was doing great. He was there for the talent show, got her flowers and everything, but unprompted by me, I didn’t even know he sent a video of her performance to the writer of the musical of the song that she’s sang. If you’re curious, it was Lin Manuel Miranda. And she sang Breathe from In The Heights. Anyway, so he got a response. And then he showed me. And I was so surprised. And I looked at him like, why did you do that? And not that it was bad or anything, but I was like what I was, I was surprised. I shouldn’t be surprised because obviously I know that he loves her. And he supports her. Between the two of us he’s the one that will let her dream, like he’s the one that will say, Oh, you like music? Let me get you a microphone. Which by the way, I’m borrowing now. Okay, this is my daughter’s mike. Do you like playing piano? Okay, here’s, here’s a keyboard and get you whatever she was into. Oh my gosh, like, recently too she got a ukulele. He got her like a little case for it. Every single aspect of her interests like he is all for it. He really just encourages Matea to dream and he supports her like in In the fullest sense, you know, and in the end, she’s so confident, she’s so fearless, and bold that she not only believes she can do anything, but she just goes out and does it. I want to say it’s because she takes after me, I really want to. But I know deep inside, I mean it’s my husband that’s really heading that aspect of supporting her. And I know that it’s his approval that is really giving her the confidence to go out there and accomplish everything she can set her mind to.
Jewell: That support from her dad is so key. You know, when I think of my father, I think I’m a very confident woman. A lot of it is because of him. He’s always shown that support of everything that I do. I’m one of those, I guess has one of those kids that just had interest in a lot of things and he saw that in me. I mean, I ran for president in sixth grade. And I remember he–running for president like, he got me all of these things so that I could have things you pass out flyers and posters and stuff.
Emirick: He was your campaign manager.
Jewell: And I kid you not, to this day, my dad still helps me with my business. I mean, even with my business, my dad doesn’t really have to work but he wants to see me succeed. And so he’s like, my partner in my real estate business. And it’s like, I just feel like that support system of him being there is is enough to just for me to have that confidence of like, I can do it because I know my dad is there.
Emirick: My dad died when I was 21. But looking back, he was a quiet man. And he was just the kind of guy who was like, the wind beneath your wings, you know? Jewell ran for student council reminds me of my dad. He was an immigrant. He was very shy, because being in a different country than you grew up in, you know, he didn’t have a whole lot of confidence, but he worked really hard. And he did what he could to support you. And he kind of did it quietly. I ran for Treasurer in fourth grade. And he made– I don’t know that my dad knew exactly what to do. I would talk to him about what the expectations were, and then the next morning, and he probably should have involved me a little more and guided me, but he just– I’d wake up in the morning and there were posters, you know, for me to hang around the school.
Bernie: I’m gonna cry.
Emirick: I know I’m crying right now. He wrote my speech. It probably didn’t make sense at all. I’m sure I didn’t win.
But I read it in front of an audience and he just– he went to every swim meet. He was just always pushing me he would take me. He would, oh, what do you have to do? Okay, I’ll do it. He was just always there and I think that definitely led to my grit, to my confidence.
Jewell: Presence is so powerful. I mean, like what you said your your dad is a man of little words, but the presence of him being there. It likewise it’s like the wind, the wind beneath your wings, because it’s like, just being there is like amazing. It’s already means a lot already. It’s very powerful.
Emirick: And you don’t think about that until like later, but like, you realize, yeah, it’s because you felt safe. You know, like, he was gonna be there no matter what.
Bernie: I’m like still wiping my tears away. Okay.
Emirick:I know, I was not expecting this at all.
Bernie: Yeah, I think that my my father is similar to Emirick’s and that is, you know, he’s a quiet man. He’s mostly led our family, led my brother and I spiritually, I started getting into theater, and I started doing stand up. And at first my dad was like, I don’t like that theater thing. I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m feeling it. We had this–I had a really big play, and my whole family and my dad, everybody went. And afterwards, my dad was so proud of me. And from I remember how tight he hugged me, and was so surprised that this quiet, five foot girl was able to do this. And from that day forward, whatever, whether it was theater, whether it was stand up, he was my number one fan. He would tell me, give me a stack of flyers. And this man would pass it out to church, to work, people on the street, when he went to the store. And that made me feel so good because though my dad just like Emirick is a man of little words, he doesn’t really say so much, his actions of supporting me in something that I was afraid to do be on stage and all that he supported me,
Jewell: It’s like, Wow, it really it really has created such impact in our lives and to who we are today. And yeah,
Emirick: Yes. And it gives you an example of how to be a good parent and it’s just it’s funny because I don’t know my dad was an immigrant like I said, and he was a bit awkward and he dressed kind of funny.
So he would show up to every swim meet and volunteer to be a timer. And I was like, dad watch from the side. And he’d be like it Oh. I don’t know. But you realize now it’s like that support. You didn’t really, you couldn’t put your finger on it. Why did I feel so confident? Why was I willing to sign up for every little thing? You know, and then you see it later. It’s because there was a safety net. There was a support there was someone who was like your cheerleader.
Jewell: I love how you use that word that you feel so safe. When you said that it’s like that really is how, how I feel, how I felt with my dad. And that’s how I feel now with jasmine that Harmony is setting that being that support that my kids feel safe? When he’s there, you know?
Emirick: Yeah, I would have to say that a father’s role, one of their biggest rules is that safety feeling. You know that when that man is there and he’s leading you, and he’s praying for you, and he’s showing you, you know how to be strong and you just like, you feel like you can do anything, and it’s just awesome.
Mariel: Yeah, I agree. Okay, well, what about, let’s say, a situation where it’s a single parent household? It’s still possible, right? I mean, Emirick when your dad passed away, you were about 21 right?
How did your mom do it?
Emirick: My mom’s a pretty strong woman and she had to pick up both roles. And although she struggled she had a hard time especially with my brother because I think a boy needs his father for those, you know? Those moments of advice of someone who’s been through that experience, but my mom, she really works really hard. She’s a very relentless parent. She didn’t let it go. That, ah this child is stubborn or Oh, I used to call my mom and I still do, the 24 hour teacher. I’d be like, every moment you’re around her, she’s teaching you something. It’s like Mom, can we just chill and talk about something funny, but now it’s like, she’s got to teach you something all the time. My mom, she did a great job of picking up that extra weight and showing us how to follow God and make that the most important thing in our life and get us set on a career and and do all those things because she had to you know–
Jewell: Well she did an amazing job because look at you and Ka Richie today.
Mariel: Well, yes, I agree with you. Your mom did an awesome job Emirick in raising you and your brother after your dad passed. She had no choice, but she did it. And so to all the single parent households out there, you could do it too. For those households with a mom and dad, with both parents still around, take the time to listen to this podcast together. Moms, wives, bring in your husband’s just as a reminder to each other really that parenting is teamwork. Maybe a gentle reminder to your husband, that it’s more effective for him to model the three things that we just talked about. Spiritual number one spirituality in the household. Two, to help our sons navigate through puberty, and three to teach our daughters their self worth.
Bernie: I’ll call my dad after this.
Mariel Guittierez: Thank you ladies for contributing to this podcast. Bernie, Jewell and Emerick and to everyone else thanks so much for listening to this episode of faith and family.
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