I don’t know what changed, but making friends as a 20-something-year-old is hard. When and why did I lose contact with my old friends from high school? Am I unable to make friends because of what makes me different from others?
I remember this one time when I was scrolling through some of my friends’ profiles on social media and trying to recall when was the last time I had connected with them. I can see how some are leading completely different lives, whether using social media as their platform to get their voice across or sharing resources for the world to see.
Others are traveling the world, getting married, and even spending time with their two or three kids! I’m glad to see those old friends of mine pursuing their interests in life. But it did make me reflect on why we might have dropped contact and why, even as we get older, friendships are important in nurturing our own growth as individuals.
So let’s talk friendship, friend!
When priorities and beliefs don’t match up
Life as a young Christian adult can be both exciting and challenging. Imagine…in a short span of time; we can graduate high school, say goodbye to hometown friends, start our first job, decide on a major, choose a career, graduate from college, make new friends, and get engaged… all before hitting 30.
As we navigate the complexities of adulthood, friendships often play a crucial role in shaping our experiences. However, maintaining these connections can become complicated when our priorities and beliefs differ from those of our peers.
But let’s get down to some factors of why it’s challenging for most of us to build or maintain adult friendships:
Why it’s hard to make and maintain adult friendships
1. Being busy - time constraints and responsibilities
For most of us, keeping our friendships at a younger age was less complicated. We saw each other almost every day because we had similar schedules. But now, as busy adults, we’ve got school, work, family responsibilities, and personal commitments pulling us in different directions.
This lack of available time can lead to infrequent or canceled meetups and miscommunication.
2. Changing circumstances - approaching different chapters in life
As young adults, we undergo various life transitions, such as pursuing advanced education or career opportunities, moving to different cities, states, or countries, getting married, or starting families. These new changes can significantly impact our social circles, resulting in physical or emotional distance from long-standing friends. Adjusting to these new circumstances can be challenging; sometimes, friendships may not survive the transition.
I sometimes wonder why my past elementary and high school friendships have faded or some friendships may not be as closely bonded anymore. But I have a bittersweet understanding that I’m in a completely new place in my life in terms of my career, responsibilities, and commitment to my faith.
3. Differences and diversities - having new hobbies and interests
I made a huge career change when I transitioned from undergraduate studies to graduate school.
Most of the connections I have made as a drama major have faded, or keeping in touch with them is challenging. In my mid-20s, I am usually with peers in a similar field as me (in education), or most of my interactions are with my fellow officers in the local or district Christian Family Organizations.
Investing time in quality friendships instead
I could list more. And while these challenges are common, the good news is that they’re not too great to overcome. Maintaining adult friendships successfully often requires proactive efforts, clear communication, and understanding of each other’s situations and limitations. Quality friendships are worth investing in, as they provide crucial social support and contribute to overall well-being.
Here are some tips and insights to help you build meaningful relationships along with embracing differences with grace:
Making and maintaining friends as an adult
1. Give Grace - practice unconditional love
Embrace unconditional love and grace in your friendships, just as God extends His love and grace to all. Be patient, forgive, and understand your friends’ priorities when planned hangouts do not go as planned. Recognize that each person is on their unique journey and working towards their priorities as part of their growth. Show empathy and support, even when you may not fully understand just yet.
Some of my friends have different beliefs, yet I still keep in contact with them. They’re also aware of my faith values and completely understand where our differences lie. Whenever those conversations about religion arise, they approach it with curious minds. In one Heart and Soul podcast episode, “How to Deal When Friends Have Different Faith,” the conversation reminds me of how I navigated these friendships. Who knows? Perhaps more of these conversations could eventually lead to your friends being more open-minded to learn more about our faith in the Church Of Christ.
2. Lovingly listen - be an active listener and openly communicate
Cultivate open communication in your friendships. Actively listen to your friends, seeking to understand their viewpoints and feelings without judgment. Be willing to share your thoughts and beliefs. Encourage honest and meaningful conversations where you can discuss your differences and learn from each other. This approach fosters deeper connections and mutual respect.
3. Foster Firm Foundations - finding common ground and shared values
While embracing differences is essential, nurturing common ground and shared values is equally crucial. Identify the core values and beliefs you and your friends share as Christians. Focus on these shared principles as a foundation for your friendship, and build upon them to foster a stronger bond. Engage in the different church activities launched by the Church Administration to bond with peers in similar age groups.
Build authentic relationships
Navigating friendships as a young Christian adult can be challenging, but it is also an opportunity for personal growth and spiritual maturity. By embracing our identity in Christ, managing differing priorities, and handling disagreements with grace, we can build authentic and meaningful connections with diverse individuals. Remember, our friendships serve as a platform to show Christ’s love to the world, and through them, we can impact lives positively and be a light in the darkness. Let us strive to be intentional in our relationships, fostering a community that supports, uplifts, and draws us closer to God.
Build authentic relationships
If you’re reading and are looking to connect with other young Christians, reach out to the Iglesia Ni Cristo congregation nearest you. Each congregation has an organization especially dedicated to young adults like you and me. And if you’re in college, reach out and see if you can be connected to the local chapter of the Christian Brotherhood International.
Life is already difficult, so why try to do it on your own? Meet others who might be facing the same journey with finding new friends or sticking with one another!
