Parent-Child Relationship

Brother Richie Juatco: Our parents are the very first people we ever depend on. The first voices we recognize are theirs. The first arms to hold us are theirs. The parent-child relationship or bond is the first one we know and often the most pivotal or crucial. Whatever our relationship is with our parents, it always shapes who we become. 

Now, when it comes to such a vital and fundamental relationship or connection, we often hear that it comes with no manual, whether that is raising a child or in regarding a parent throughout a lifetime. But here inside the Church Of Christ, we do have a guide—the Bible. We use it in every aspect of life. So what does the Bible teach about family values or specifically the parent child relationship? What should we understand regarding how God instructs this important relationship to be?

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Parent Child Relationship

Stay with us. This is what we will study today here on The Message.

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The Message

Brother Richie: Hi, I’m Brother Richie Juatco.

Brother Mark Vasquez: And I’m Brother Mark Vasquez. The relationships formed within a family, starting from marriage between a man and woman to become husband and wife, and then adding children to make them parents, are all blessings from God. And because God is the one who creates each individual within the family unit, He has clear instructions and commands for each family member.

Brother Richie: So, Brother Mark, what does God command the parents regarding their children? 

Brother Mark: Well, let’s read that here in the book of Ephesians. We’ll read Ephesians, 6 and we’ll read verse 4,

And parents, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and teaching of our Lord.

[Ephesians 6:4 George M. Lamsa Translation]

Brother Mark: Here we can see what God instructs the parents of a family to do and even what not to do. First off, what did He command parents not to do? We read “parents, do not provoke your children to anger.”

Brother Richie: So the relationship between parents and children should be strong and close. The parents should make sure that the relationship is conducive for them to teach and guide. Why is that important? Brother Mark, why does God command the parents to do that?

Brother Mark: Well, here it says here in the Scriptures, “bring them up in the discipline and teaching of our Lord.” So parents are responsible for raising their children in a particular way, not just any way that they choose. Since God is the one who blesses the couple with children, He knows what’s best for them, which is to make sure that the children grow up in His discipline and teachings.

Brother Richie: How will parents be able to do that? How will parents be able to fulfill the command of God to raise their children in God’s discipline and teaching or His commands? 

Brother Mark: Let’s read that here together in the Book of Deuteronomy. We’ll read 6:6 until verse 7,

The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up.

[Deuteronomy 6:6-7 New International Reader’s Version]

Brother Mark: Here we see that God explains in detail how parents can raise their children in His commands. What is the first step? He said, “The [commands] I give you today must be in your hearts.” 

Brother Richie: So, before parents can impart or pass anything on to their children, they first need to acquire it themselves. Brother Mark, where are God’s commands given or taught? 

Brother Mark: They’re taught and preached in the worship services. Therefore, parents should pay very close attention to God’s commands taught in the worship service, not only for their benefit but also for the sake of their children.

Brother Richie: And also, we know that placing God’s commands in our hearts is not merely hearing and understanding them, but rather applying them in our lives and genuinely living by them. Now, once God’s commands are truly in the hearts of parents, what is God’s instruction to them? 

Brother Mark: Well, we could read God’s instruction. It says here, “Make sure your children learn them.” So what must parents do with God’s commands so that their children will also learn them? God said here. “Talk about them… Speak about them.”  

Brother Richie: So the parents should be the first teachers regarding God’s commands. They should relay and impart what they themselves have learned from the worship service. Now, when should parents do that? When should parents teach God’s laws to their children?

Brother Mark: The Bible told us when the parents can teach this. It says, “Talk about them when you are at home, … when you walk along the road… when you go to bed…when you get up.” Therefore, every appropriate opportunity that parents have to talk to their children should be utilized to teach God’s instructions. 

Brother Richie: You know, we can observe that when God adds blessings to His people, in terms of giving them a family, like starting with a spouse and then later on with children, these added blessings come with added responsibilities. Since God is the one that creates the family, He is the one that knows how to make it strong, successful, and thrive.

Brother Mark: After learning about God’s instruction to the parents to teach their children God’s commands, Brother Richie, what else is God expecting, particularly from the fathers of the families? 

Brother Richie: Let’s read that command of God. Here in I Timothy, we’ll read chapter 3, verse 4. Here it says, 

he must be able to manage his own family well and make his children obey him with all respect.

[I Timothy 3:4 Good News Translation]

Brother Richie: Here we see God’s expectation for those He blesses with a family. What is God requiring of them? We read, “he must be able to manage his own family well.”  So the father must learn and gain the ability to properly manage his family.

Brother Mark: So what must he do regarding his children? 

Brother Richie: Well, we did read that, “make his children obey him.”

Brother Mark: So in what way should the father train his children and teach them the way they should go? 

Brother Richie: Notice what we read. It says, “with all respect.” So the father must make a way to foster love and respect with his children, so that they will learn to obey him. This is vital in order to fulfill God’s commandment to raise the children in God’s teaching. 

Brother Mark: The teachings of the Bible are very clear. 

Brother Richie: That’s right. 

Brother Mark: When it comes to the mother of the family, though, what is God expecting from the mothers of the family? 

Brother Richie: So let’s read that in what is recorded in Proverbs, chapter 31 and we’ll read verse 27. Here, the Bible teaches this, 

She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household and is never lazy.

[Proverbs 31:27 The Living Bible]

Brother Richie: What we read is the standard God sets for those that He blesses to have their own household. What does God want to see from the mothers? We read, “She watches carefully.” Now what does God want the mothers to carefully watch? We read, “all that goes on throughout her household.” 

Brother Mark: So the mother of a family should be focused on and be fully aware of everything happening in her own household. 

Brother Richie: Now, we do want to emphasize that a mother should focus on her own family, not be in other people’s business, or focus on other people’s household. Now, how diligent does God want the mothers to be in monitoring their families? The Bible describes them as “never lazy.” 

Brother Mark: Although there are specific roles that God assigns to the husband and wife, or more specifically, father and mother of a family, one of the main duties the couple shares is raising children. The couples must work together properly to bring them up, to learn, and understand God’s commands. 

Brother Richie: You know, Brother Mark, just so that we’re clear and especially for those watching, why is that so important? Why is it so important for parents to teach their children God’s commands? 

Brother Mark: Well, let’s read here in the Scriptures why it’s so important for parents to teach the commands of God. That’s right here in the Book of Ecclesiastes. We’ll read 12 and the verse is 13, 

After all this, there is only one thing to say: Have reverence for God, and obey his commands, because this is all that we were created for.

[Ecclesiastes 12:13 Good News Bible]

Brother Mark: What we just read are God’s words through King Solomon. King Solomon is described in the Bible as the wisest king. 

Brother Richie: Now, with all the wisdom that God granted King Solomon, what is it that he discovered as the most important thing in life? 

Brother Mark: He discovered the most important thing. He said, “there is only one thing to say: Have reverence for God, and obey his commands.” Why is revering, or worshiping God and obeying His commands, the most important thing in life? He said here in these verses, “because this is all that we were created for.” This is the reason it’s so important for parents to teach this to their children. The purpose of life is to worship and obey God. 

Brother Richie: You know, that’s really important to know and understand because we know parents, naturally, they have dreams and aspirations for their children. They have hopes of how their children will turn out, how they will become, what good traits that they will acquire. Parents even, rightfully, they invest time and resources to give their children the best chance to succeed in certain aspects of life. But it needs to be understood, even if the children become the best in sports, arts, business, even though they are the most popular and highly respected, none of that will matter if the children are not successful in worshiping God and obeying His commands. 

Brother Mark: That’s correct. Worshiping God should not be merely part of their life, but rather it should be the focus of their life, because that’s the reason that we were created by the Father. 

Brother Richie: That’s right. And this main focus is what the children should constantly try to improve on, and the responsibility to make sure the children understand this is given by God to the parents.

Brother Mark: Now, although every one of us came from our respective families, not everyone is a parent—but every single one of us is a child. 

Brother Richie: That’s correct, Brother Mark. But before we move on, at least we now know, right, for those whose parents they follow these biblical instructions, the children  at least know why they did what they did. In fact, we even ask those that are watching: “What is the most meaningful biblical lesson you remember learning from your mom or dad?” Share it with us in the comment section below.

Brother Mark: Now, Brother Richie, let’s find out, in terms of the parent-child relationship, since we mentioned earlier that all of us are children, what are God’s commands to the children? 

Brother Richie: Let’s read from what God teaches here in Ephesians, chapter 6. We’ll read verses 1 to 3. And this is what it states,

Children, it is your Christian duty to obey your parents, for this is the right thing to do. “Respect your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise added: “so that all may go well with you, and you may live a long time in the land.”

[Ephesians 6:1-3 Good News Translation]

Brother Richie: Here God is very clear in His command to the children of the family. What is it that He said? He said, “Children… obey your parents.” Why does God command children to obey their parents? Well, He said, “it is your Christian duty.” It “is the right thing to do.” Now, we already learned earlier that parents have a duty from God to teach their children and raise them in God’s discipline and command. So it only makes sense that God is instructing the children to obey their parents. 

Brother Mark: Now, what happens if parents fail to fulfill their duty to God by not teaching their children his commands? What if the parents teach the opposite of what God wants? What type of parent is God instructing the children of a family to obey? 

Brother Richie: You know, Brother Mark, that’s actually a really good question. And if we read this same verse in another translation, like in the New King James Version, it actually specifies: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. So the parents in the Lord, or those who teach God’s teachings, are the ones whom the children must obey. So if parents are going to teach anything opposite, or anything that opposes God’s will, then the children are to prioritize God’s teachings over the parents. 

Brother Mark: That’s very clear, the teachings that God gives to the children concerning obeying their parents—that’s very clear. What else is God now teaching the children that they should do? 

Brother Richie: Well, we learned that they should respect, “Respect your father and mother.” Just how important is it to God that we follow this, that we respect our parents? We read, “Respect your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise added.” What does God promise to the children who always respect their parents? We read, “all may go well with you, and you may live a long time in the land.”

Brother Mark: May none of us break this command of God and disrespect our parents, no matter what the situation may be. 

Brother Richie: Now, although obedience to parents is on the condition that what they are teaching is within God’s laws, we have to understand there is no condition where God allows us to disrespect our father and mother. Unconditionally, our parents will never stop being our parents. And this is how the children within God’s nation must be. We must be respectful and obedient to our parents.

Brother Mark: You know, Brother Richie, this command from the Lord God is very clear, and it’s also very loving of our Father in heaven to give us these commandments. But what warning does God now give to us, so that He could protect us from unknowingly breaking His commandment?

Brother Richie: Let’s, read what He teaches, because you’re right. It’s clear. God wants the children to obey their parents, but there is something that we have to be aware of. We’ll read what He teaches in II Timothy, 1 to 2 from chapter 3. Here it says, 

You may as well know this too, Timothy, that in the last days it is going to be very difficult to be a Christian. For people will love only themselves and their money; they will be proud and boastful, sneering at God, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful to them, and thoroughly bad.

[II Timothy 3:1-2 The Living Bible]

Brother Richie: What we read is a prophecy that is being fulfilled in our time, or what the Bible calls “the last days”. What is forewarned to happen? We read “in the last days it is going to be very difficult to be a Christian.”

Brother Mark: Brother Richie, why? Why would it be difficult? What makes it so difficult to live like a true Christian in the last days? 

Brother Richie: Well, the Bible describes how the people around us, they’re actually going to worsen. How so? We read that the people will “be proud and boastful, sneering at God, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful to them.” 

Brother Mark: So we need to know from the Bible, just how disobedient and how ungrateful will children be to their parents? Also, what is it about the worsening characteristics of people that will pose a danger to true Christians to remain focused on God’s commands and maintain strong bonds with the family?

Brother Richie: You know, to get our answers to the questions you posed, let’s read this same verse, but we’ll read it in another translation. We’ll read the same thing, II Timothy 3:1-2,

But you need to be aware that in the final days, the culture of society will become extremely fierce. People will be self-centered lovers of themselves and obsessed with money. They will boast of great things as they strut around in their arrogant pride and mock all that is right. They will ignore their own families. They will be ungrateful and ungodly.

[II Timothy 3:1-2 The Passion Translation]

Brother Richie: Here, we can see why the worsening characteristics of people pose a danger to true Christians. We read, “In the final days, the culture of society will become extremely fierce.”

Brother Mark: We definitely see this happening. With the invention and development of the internet and social media, the culture of society today is very aggressive in trying to get people to think and feel the way that they do.

Brother Richie: That’s right. You know, people have lost their focus on fundamental values like maintaining the family unit and have become, as we read, “self-centered lovers of themselves and obsessed with money.” Children have become so ungrateful to their parents that the Bible mentions that, “[people] will ignore their own families.” What is God’s instruction to us? We read, “you need to be aware.”

Brother Mark: This is definitely something to keep an eye on or remain aware of. If not, we might, we too might unknowingly change with the rest of the world. 

Brother Richie: You know, there’s no doubt that within the family unit, there are normal misunderstandings and disagreements. But if we’re not careful, we might be influenced to deal with those problems the way that the world deals with those problems—which would only weaken the family bond and the parent-child relationship.

You know, we want to understand what is one of the factors, one of the things that we have to be aware of, that actually can affect that family bond, Brother Mark, because the Bible says, “you need to be aware.” What’s one of the things that we should be aware of? 

Brother Mark: If we’re going to be aware, we also have to know what’s happening now, during our time. So we have an article from an online article we’ll be reading. The name of the article is The Influence of Technology on Family Dynamics, and this is what it says on the online article:

[Article source: The Influence of Technology on Family Dynamics, by Alessondra Villegas. Proceedings of the New York State Communication Association: Vol 2012, Article 10. docs.rwu.edu] 

A powerful tool that contemporary society uses, not only to entertain but also to communicate and educate, there is an ever-present availability to media access. However, there is an ongoing debate over whether or not the power of this influence and its ubiquitous availability yields positive or negative consequences in different aspects of our lives. … It was apparent that media does affect the way a family unit socializes and, as a result, their relationships.

Brother Mark: According to this article, what was noticed by those studying the ever-present availability of media and the consumption of it? We read, “media does affect the way a family unit socializes and, as a result, their relationships.” 

Brother Richie: Now we want to make very clear that using technology, such as electronic gadgets and the internet, is not bad, if it will be used properly. However, there’s no denying that media, especially social media, influences and affects the family’s relationship. So what kind of effect does social media have on the relationship of the family unit?

Brother Mark: Here, let’s read another article, which also mentions social media. The name of this article is, the Impact of Social Media Addiction in Families. This is what it says:

[Article source: Impact of Social Media Addiction in Families, by Libby Lyons. addictionhope.com]

The impact of social media is a powerful one.
Most often technology can bring forth negative interaction, or zero interaction between siblings, couples, or parent-child. It starves the family of learning and modeling with each other social cues, interpersonal relationship skills, communication skills, and bonding.  

Brother Mark: If social media is used improperly or carelessly, it can be dangerous to a family because it could lead to a lack of communication. We read that it can bring forth “negative interaction, or [even] zero interaction between siblings, couples, [and even the] parent-child relationship.”

This can reduce the family’s growth, bonding, and the interpersonal relationship skills that we really do need. 

Brother Richie: You know, because of the risk and dangers surrounding us and our families, we need to all the more apply God’s teachings to ensure we properly take care of the families that God blessed us with. 

Brother Mark: And since we’re still on the subject of how the children of a family should regard their parents, how about adult children who already have their own families? We know that being a child doesn’t end when you grow up. 

Brother Richie: You know, that’s a really good question, Brother Mark. We know that generations, they move on and mature. Parents of a family, they often move on to be grandparents. And as they enter into their twilight years, the parent-child relationship becomes very different from where it started.

The relationship will change even more if and when one parent passes away before the other. 

Brother Mark: You know, it’s rare for parents to pass at the same time. 

Brother Richie: You know that’s true. So when it is one before the other, well, one becomes a widow or a widower for a number of years or for the remainder of one’s life.

Brother Mark: Because the people of the world today have become disobedient and ungrateful to their parents, to the point of ignoring their own families, they have their own ways of dealing with this change. But what command does God give the children within His nation who have parents in that situation? 

Brother Richie: You know, for that, Brother Mark, let’s turn to God’s command that’s written in I Timothy, chapter 5. We’ll read verses 4 and 8, and it says this, 

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn first to carry out their religious duties toward their own family and in this way repay their parents and grandparents, because that is what pleases God…. But if any do not take care of their relatives, especially the members of their own family, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.

[I Timothy 5: 4 & 8 Good News Translation]

Brother Richie: Here, the Bible specifies those that are being addressed. We read “if a widow has children or grandchildren,” right. So what should adult children or grandchildren do for their elderly parents? We read that “they should learn first to carry out their religious duties toward their own [families].” So the adult children have a religious duty from God towards the family that they came from. They should take care of their parents and even teach their own children how to do the same—love, respect, and obey their parents. 

Brother Mark: Brother Richie, what would it mean if adult children take care of their parents together with their own children? 

Brother Richie: Well, we read that “in this way [they] repay their parents and grandparents.” So adult children should learn to remember and repay or reciprocate the sacrifices of their parents for them. They should learn to be grateful to their parents, especially when they’re already in a stable and good living condition. They should look after their parents when they are already old. 

Brother Mark: Why should adult children do all of this?

Brother Richie: Well, we did read, we said that, “because that is what pleases God.” Remember that all that we are created for is to revere and obey God’s commands. God is pleased to see children doing what is good for their parents, especially when their parents are already weak and old. 

Brother Mark: We know that some might see what other people are doing, but what if the adult children of a family end up treating their parents the way that the world treats theirs, even ignoring them and not taking care of them? What would happen? 

Brother Richie: Well, the Bible is the one that said, “if any do not take care of their relatives, especially the members of their own family, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.” 

Brother Mark: Doing the opposite of what pleases God proves that one denies the true faith. 

Brother Richie: And if one was once a believer, or a faithful servant of God, but then changed—changed for the worse—by not showing love, respect, and care for his or her parent, the Bible is the one that says that that person is “worse than an unbeliever.” We need to understand that it is not possible for a person to disobey, disrespect, ignore, dishonor one’s parents, while at the same time thinking that they are close to God. God will not allow it. 

Brother Mark: May this biblical warning serve as an effective guide to help us not only to preserve a strong relationship within our families, but all the more maintain a strong relationship with our creator, the Lord God.

If both parents and children follow the instructions that God gives to them, respectively, Brother Richie, what would be the great result if we follow God’s commands concerning having a strong family?

Brother Richie: Let’s read that from the book of Proverbs, chapter 23, and then we’ll read verses 24 to 25,

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her who bore you rejoice.

[Proverbs 23:24-25 New King James Version]

Brother Richie: You know, if parents fulfill God’s command to raise their children in God’s teachings, and the children fulfill God’s commands to respect and obey those teachings, then the result is that the child becomes wise and righteous. What then would be the result of the parents? We read, “The father [or the parents] of the righteous will greatly rejoice.” 

Brother Mark: Isn’t this so true? When parents have children who are righteous, do what is good and pleasing to God, it brings them joy and it brings them gladness. 

Brother Richie: That’s right. So what is the instruction of God to the children? We read, “Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her who bore you rejoice.” The relationship of children to parents has a great bearing on our relationship to God. Since God is our Father, He’s the greatest parent. And so if we strive to make our parents happy or glad, God will fulfill His promise to make all things go well in our lives. 

As members of the Church Of Christ, these family values in the Bible, these teachings and commands of God to the parents and the children are what we follow and obey, in order for God to be present in our families, protecting us and keeping us strong. 

Brother Mark: We hope this video inspires and encourages you to keep learning more of God’s written words taught here inside the Church of Christ. Come visit a congregation near you. Or if you want, ask us a question now, by clicking the link in the description and inquire how to listen to the basic teachings of the Bible. 

Brother Richie: And if you’re already going through those lessons or wherever you are in your spiritual journey, make sure that your journey does not stop here. Keep watching, keep growing with us, and stay constantly tuned into the message.

And on behalf of all of us here at The Message, we’re so grateful for you joining us in this episode. But before we conclude, please join us for a short prayer.

Brother Richie: Our heavenly father. We are so very grateful for the mercy and love that You showed to us. You allow us to hear the truth written in the Bible. You really do provide us with the guidance that we need. You even provide us with the families that we have. Our God, we thank You. We praise You. And we truly do honor Your most holy name. 

We see how You want the best for us. You want our families to be strong and healthy. You want the relationships that we have with our parents and children to be always with Your guidance and Your help. We ask you, dear God, help us to implement Your words, to always have Your teachings reign and rule in our families. 

Please bless the parents that are listening. Allow all the parents to be able to follow your instruction, that the children will grow up strong in Your teachings and discipline. 

Please bless the children that are listening. Please allow all the children to have the humility and obedience that you are looking for. So that the teachings that are being received from the parents, Your teachings, dear Father, they will follow. And in this way, they can receive Your promise that all will go well with them. 

Our Lord Jesus Christ, thank You. Thank You for allowing us to pray to God. We know that You are the only mediator to Him. We ask you, dear Lord, please bring to Him our thanks, our praise, and help us that we also will be pleasing to our Father in heaven. 

Thank you so much, dear God. Thank You for your continued mercy. We pray that Your message will be able to reach those that You are showing love and care for.

We ask that you bless the entire Church. Allow us to remain under Your care through the Administration that You have placed to lead us. 

We believe You hear our prayer.  We believe, dear God, that You will continually help us and protect us and our families through our obedience to You. 

We ask for all these things through the name of Your son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

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