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After Loss: Why I Stopped Asking God Why

When Maria stopped asking God why she lost her child, everything changed. A story of child loss, faith, and becoming a better mom through grief.

Maria and her husband were doing everything right. God-fearing. Committed. Active in the church. And when their first daughter was born, life was exactly as planned.

Then, four months later, Savannah’s heart stopped.

What followed would test everything… their marriage, their faith, and everything they thought they understood about a God they had always trusted. And somewhere in the middle of the grief, Maria faced a choice: keep asking why… or start asking, “What do you want me to do now, God?”

This is the story of what she did with that loss. And how, even 18 years later, Savannah is still changing her family.

Episode Timestamps

00:00               She Lost the Gift: Why Savannah Is Still Changing Everything

01:42               Meet Maria: Three Teens, One Busy Household, and a Fourth Child Named Alex

03:42               18 Years Ago: A Perfect Pregnancy and a Life That Was Going as Planned

05:05               Day Two: When the Nurse Heard Something Different

06:25              Two Holes in Her Heart: The Diagnosis No One Expected

07:05               February to March: The Cold That Wasn’t Just a Cold

08:14               In the Choir Loft: The Night Everything Changed

10:23               “Your Daughter Had a Cardiac Arrest”: Still in Her Toga

11:17               Think Like a Nurse, Not a Mom: Maria’s Sister Steps In

13:25               The Prayer at SickKids: “If It’s Not Your Will, Help Me Learn”

14:44               “Your Daughter Is a Vegetable”: When the Doctors Finally Said It Plain

15:14               Letting God Take His Place: The Decision No Parent Wants to Make

17:34               Job’s Story, Holy Supper, and the Biggest Test of Her Faith

19:24               “I Want to Perform”: Choosing Duty Over Grief

21:12              The Last Thing She Would Do Was Let the Devil Win

22:13               What Kept the Marriage Together: Daily Prayer, Even When Tired

23:12               Get Your Ego Out, Maria: From “What Did I Do?” to “What Can I Do Now?”

25:56               The Purpose of Savannah’s Four Months

29:12               There Is Purpose to Pain: What She Would Say to Anyone at the Bottom

33:20               Keep Going: Going Back to Duty When You Just Want to Hide

37:11               “I Cannot Do This Without You”: Prayer as the Anchor

39:23               After Savannah: Trying Again and Holding Your Breath

44:40               My Three Kids Are My Promise to God

48:26               Church Activity Plus Ice Cream: Making Faith a Family Memory

50:40               Why Kids Leave: Questions That Never Got Answered

51:19               How Maria Stays One Step Ahead

53:41               You Can Be Successful and Still Have Nothing

55:19               I Want My Kids to Make It to Heaven to See Their Sister

57:52               My Daughter Said: “I Appreciate That You Stay and Listen”

1:00:06            Don’t Make God Your Babysitter

1:01:24            “Your Kids Only Have One Mom”

1:04:25            Care About Your Soul More Than Our Image

1:08:00            God Is Everywhere: Faith Isn’t Just for the Chapel

1:10:26            Two Different Parenting Styles, One United Front

1:12:11                        “Do You Still Believe?” The Question Maria Asks Out of the Blue

1:16:44            How Did Losing Savannah Change You?

1:18:01            Prayer, Space, and Coming Back Together: Advice for Couples After Loss

1:19:41            Rapid Fire: Food, Laughter, and the Questions She’s Not Ready For

1:21:07            Change Is: Growth, Humility, and Moving Forward

It’s never about the circumstance. It’s about our response.

And that’s exactly what we heard from Maria today. She didn’t choose the loss. She didn’t choose the test. But she chose what to do with it. And 18 years later, that choice is still showing up… in the way she prays with her kids, in the conversations she refuses to walk away from, in the way she fights for three children in honor of the one she couldn’t keep.

Savannah was here for four months. But her impact continues to be felt.

If Maria’s story moved you today, share it with a parent who needs to hear that the hardest seasons don’t have to break you. They can be the very thing that makes you fight harder for the people you love.

Mentioned in the episode:

Watch: Faith and Family: “What do you say to someone who lost a child” https://incmedia.org/what-do-you-say-to-someone-who-lost-a-child/

Read: Blog post: Devote Yourself in Prayer and See What Happens https://incmedia.org/devote-yourself-in-prayer-and-see-what-happens/

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Visit our website: incmedia.org/making-changes

 

 

 

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After Loss: Why I Stopped Asking God Why