Parameters for the Wives in the Villages Raising the Families
It’s a wearisome effort to go out and find some female friends that are also wives and that are also willing to discuss the topics that need to be explored and that also want to uphold the true Biblical teachings.
This God-fearing gal enjoys having a good time connecting with her other God-fearing sisters in faith. And even though we may be adhering to the teachings of God – we are also still having a grand time. In fact, because we put our faith as the foundation, we have an amazing time whenever we get to be together. There will be chocolate in multiple forms. There will be laughter. There might be tears. The kind of tears that come with stomach stitches.
There are some entertaining dramedies out there of women getting together and bonding over their dramatic made-for-television-ratings “realities”. The comedy shows where women unite against the men in their lives.
My actual reality is that I love my kids and I love my husband and I love the family that we have worked so hard to build. I love living a quiet and peaceful life. I love being able to give that quiet and peace gift to my husband. I love honoring our marriage.
So when I’m in need of female bonding I can get together with my besties and we can talk and bond and destroy.
We can talk and bond and build one another up.
I think you know the only choice to make.
I’ve discovered three important ground rules if I’m going to get together with my ladies and our husbands become the subject of discussion.
- Don’t get caught in the comparison trap
When my dearest friend shares a sweet story about her hubby and what he did that was simply super amazing – I want to be genuinely thrilled for her. I don’t want to start comparing her husband to my husband and rob that moment of its joy.
When my girl posts about her date night with her hubby, I want to love the photo and post a supportive comment and celebrate with them.
I used to want to show the photo to my husband and actually thought doing so would motivate him. This thinking, fueled by comparison, reasoned that using their date photo and a comparison statement of “them versus us” would remind him that we are over-due for a date. He didn’t see my reminder as a reminder. We would each end up confused and disappointed.
When I begin to compare what I have with what others have, I find myself staining my thoughts and spoken words with complaints. I then rob my own relationship of its joy. Complaining begins to lead me down to jealousy’s injurious alleyway or even entitlement’s sticky ensnarement or discontentment’s destructive camp. (Those are actual places to get lost in.)
It’s best to train myself to celebrate with others in their moments of joy and continue to infuse my marriage with its own joy.
- Set the expectation to be an encouraging wife.
Getting together with the girls is as much risky as it is necessary.
What’s necessary? Female bonding. Women are great listeners and good friends give real honest advice.
What’s risky? The risk is in the serious temptation to follow the meager example set by Hollywood scriptwriter’s and romance novelist’s. If one starts complaining about her husband, we will all want to help console her. And we might be tempted to console her by putting our own husbands on blast.
What’s at risk? The intimacy of our marriages. A husband stands much taller when he knows his wife isn’t running around speaking ill about him. If our tribe of women includes females that groan and gripe about their problems with their spouses – this is not healthy for our marriages.
In those situations, I need to remind myself about the need to be a positive influence for my friend, and not be influenced by her situation. It might seem like finding a needle in a haystack at this point. How do I reduce the risk of ruining my own marriage?
(See number 3)
- It’s all about gratitude
I love the man that I married. I love the marriage that we have built together. I am thankful for a lifetime partner. I am thankful that I get to build him up and help him accomplish his dreams and build a home together. I am thankful that he loves me for who I am and that he supports me with my dreams. I love that he handles all the garbage. I love that his smile still rocks my world. I love getting to tell my friends about how wonderful he is. I love knowing that he prays for me.
When I reflect on all the things that I would miss if he was gone, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude.
When I choose to focus on what I am thankful for, I find that I attract others that also focus on the positive. That positivity breeds more growth and success in our relationships – as friends and as wives.
Why make it a point to build up a community of wives? There’s the popular saying: “it takes an entire village to raise our children.” If this is our sentiment, then it also means that the village needs to have a lot of sturdy and committed marriages.
As a wife, I make it a point to connect with my spouse daily. Our regular time to hold a conversation with each other and join together in prayer to God is absolutely sacred.
I have also realized that my entire family benefits when I get intentional about re-fueling myself. I am a much better human being when my own tank is not running on fumes. The Saturday afternoon nap is as much for my family’s benefit as it is for mine.
What I’ve learned recently though is the importance of connecting with other women – and especially building a tribe of women. For this reason, I’m working to connect with more women of faith. I’m on the hunt for sisters in faith that are also treasuring their marriages.
Here’s to the village of strong marriages that know how to have a good time together and build one another up. Here’s to the marriages that can model for our children what the work for true love and commitment really is. May we avoid unhelpful comparison, encourage one another, be filled with gratitude and surround ourselves with like-minded people working towards what really matters in life.
Stephanie Canete is a staff writer for INCMEDIA.ORG from Florida. She cherishes getting to encourage her husband of 12 years every day and is also a homeschooling mom of two . She is a firm believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and believes in Him so much that she also is a member of His Church.