This all male panel discusses physical attraction and the role it plays in finding the one for them.
Martin: You’re listening to part I of “Looks Don’t Matter” on INC Heart & Soul.
Looks. Do they really matter? Yes; no; maybe at first; maybe forever. Join us today with a special all-male panel who will lay it all out for us. The truth, “How important is physical attraction?” Well we’re about to find out. It’s time for some Heart & Soul.
Martin: Welcome to INC Heart & Soul, I’m Martin Zerrudo. Physical attraction: Does it help bring us into a relationship, and if it does will we stay there long enough for the relationship to stay alive? You know, is it the most important thing? We’re gonna find out. And today my guest host comes all the way from the district of Northwest California we have Nick Morales. Hi Nick, how are you?
Nick: I’m good brother Martin, how are you?
Martin: I’m really good. Thank you for being our first guest host here on Heart & Soul. What we’re gonna do is, with every episode we’re gonna go district to district from around the world getting some great guest hosts to help us talk about love, relationships, friendships, all in between. So Nick, hope you’re excited to be here.
Nick: Oh I’m very excited. Today we actually have a great group of brothers to shed some light on this, highly debatable and frequently thought about, topic. Please welcome our first panelist, Ken Cruz…
Kenneth: Hey what’s going on guys!
Nick: Nothing much. Could you actually tell us a little bit about yourself?
Kenneth: So Ken Cruz, I’m from the district of Southwest California, in Long Beach, nice and sunny.
Nick: All right so that’s Ken. Thank you, Ken. We have another panelist here, Christian Angelo Era.
Angelo: Hey, I’m Christian Angelo Era and I’m from New Zealand. Locale of Auckland, New Zealand, district of Australia East.
Martin: Thank you for that brother Nick. So now we have Ken, we have Angelo here, we’ve got Nick, let’s jump right into our topic. What would you say attracts you to a woman?
Nick: I tend to like that tannish tanned skin, long-ish hair, not too long. I can see girl rockin’ short hair, but I tend to like the longer hair. Last thing would probably be height. So I prefer if they’re, if you guys are listening, shorter than 5’6”.
Angelo: Oh… girls take note, make sure! All 5’6” girls…
Martin: Oh wow, we’re getting specific! Ok! Moving on… Ken! I guess we’re talking about your wife, so what 3 things first attracted you to her, physically.
Ken: I would say, physically, the eyes… you know, something about just having a great set of eyes that look at you, that look back at you while you’re lookin’ at ‘em, that’s 1. 2 would be, yea weirdly enough hair is a factor. So I agree with brother Nick…
Martin: It has to be long eh?
Ken: Yea! Uh well, I mean I don’t know, it just has to be good hair, I think. You know? Like well kept… I think…
Martin: Oh like well maintained.
Ken: I think well-maintained hair is a sign of like a woman that takes care of herself, I think…right?
Martin: [laughing] Right right right.
Ken: So, I mean that’s attractive…
Martin: She got the Aloe Vera in there…got it.
Ken: The Aloe Vera and then, you know, the Papaya soap on the face…I’m just kidding.
Martin: Papaya soap…
Ken: I think the third thing would be a nice figure.
Martin: Somebody who takes care of themselves who’s athletic or physically fit, you mean.
Ken: Yea, it shows that they appreciate a healthy lifestyle and appreciate looking good, not just for people, but for themselves.
Martin: All right, pretty good, pretty good. Last but not least, Angelo. 3 reasons, or 3 first things that attract you to a woman, physically.
Angelo: First is eyes, yes, and eyes is a good place to start, ‘cause eyes captivate you, if that makes any sense. You know, I don’t know, I just like eyes, because that’s the first thing you have to look at, you don’t look anywhere else, you just look into a girl’s eyes I guess that makes sense.
Angelo: And I guess second would be smile. Making a good impression with a smile. You know it doesn’t matter about your teeth, I guess. It’s how you put off your smile. You know if it’s genuine I guess you can kind of tell…
Martin: That’s true.
Angelo: …that smiles are genuine.
Martin: A genuine smile goes a long way. Yea, that’s a good one.
Angelo: I think third, I have to agree with the hair.
Angelo: I don’t know there’s not really a preference, short, long, I don’t know. I guess guys just dig hair. Guys just love getting haircuts and a girl that can rock a really good hairdo. I guess that just attracts a lot of guys. Curly hair, straight hair, short hair, long hair…
Martin: Hey that’s a good point.
Angelo: Any will suffice.
Martin: Right on, right on. Ok so the common thread here: really nice hair. Long, short, up, down, so long as its got that nice sheen on it, that Pantene Pro V, then we’re good to go.
Martin: On the opposite, what do you hope that women notice about yourselves? Physically first.
Angelo: Hmm I guess appearance, how my face looks. I guess, growing up still, I’m only 21 years old. Still got that oily face goin’ on. And I guess tryin’ to getting rid of all them spots on your face, that’s the one thing… I’m not really sure… I guess the way that I present myself. I just want to look good…
Angelo: Presentable, good hygiene, you know, make sure I brush my teeth every morning.
Martin: Right, right. Do you wear cologne?
Angelo: Not much, not much, really.
Martin: Mm, ok pro tip: the brushing the teeth and the face is good, cologne helps.
Martin: But you know what, that kind of put the question on its head, so I mean there’s things we want girls to notice about us, but also kind of plays into our insecurities, I guess. So for brother Angelo, you girls to kind of notice that you put a lot of effort and stock into the way you present yourself, knowing that you’re kind of… would you say that you’re kind of insecure about, you know, currently where you’re at in life with the oily skin and the hormones and all that?
Angelo: Yea, I could say that part of me is a bit insecure; because I want to make sure that I don’t have that many spots on my face but what can I do? Just don’t let that get to you, don’t let it get to your head.
Martin: Imma go to you, Nick, now.
Nick: I’m not like huge on brands or anything, I don’t know if it’s just where I live, but I tend to hear other guys talking ‘bout, you know, what kind of suit they’re wearing, where they got it from. I just tend to notice that the girls are… they pay attention to that…right? I’m not saying that’s the only thing that’s on the girls’ mind, but for sure, I sometimes wonder when it comes to my style. Is it up-to-date?
Martin: Is it trendy enough?
Nick: Yea, is it trendy enough, you know? Is it something that catches someone’s eye? You know? Or am I just kinda there?
Ken: I think, I mean, just to that point, when you feel good, and you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel good, I think it resonates to anyone that you talk to, and you know, and that is around you. You know, if you’re… if you feel good about yourself, people can see and feel that, so I think that’s something that’s huge when it comes to how people perceive you and how women perceive you. What people remember me by, but what I feel is also I’m insecure with, is my smile. Because I mean I feel like I don’t necessarily say I work on my smile but I think I have a genuine smile…
Ken: …but at the same time too, I have crooked teeth, so it’s kind like a strange combination of something genuine. But I feel like if I wanted somebody to remember me, is the smile, just not the teeth [laughs]
Martin: Just not the teeth.
Nick: I can relate.
Martin: You can relate to that, Nick? Why?
Nick: I wish I had braces since I was like… I’ve been wishing for braces for like ten years now. Yea, for sure I have crooked teeth. I see people… I see guys taking selfies, you know, and one of the reasons why I can’t take selfies, aside from I just think it’s a little weird, is… yea, is my smile. I don’t think my smile is the nicest smile in the world.
Ken: You know, I think on the difference between like a smile and teeth, I think teeth is what you have and a smile is what you can control. You know, no one can take away your smile, you know, and so I feel like if you are confident in your smile, people will… you know it kinda gives out the aura that you are confident in yourself and you’re confident, and like approachable.
Martin: For myself I guess I would have to say in terms of, I guess what attracts me to women, I would say, yea the hair. I mean I cannot deny that you know, just I don’t know, just shampoo and conditioner goes a long way. I don’t know does that sound horrible?
Ken: I think that’s reasonable.
Martin: For guys and girls? You know, for guys and girls, you know my little brother he’s 12, he’s just starting to get hit by the puberty and he goes to sleep, and he fixes his hair before he goes to sleep, because he says when he wakes up it looks better. And he’s just starting to go through that process of like discovering the growths in his body. So yea, I’m like “hey, stop muckin’ up your hair. Just keep it clean. Get a good trim, you don’t need to overdue it, you know what I mean?
Ken: Well that’s a difficult age, you know?
Martin: It is, it is…
Ken: That’s literally the time when you start actually noticing how you look and how others look, and feel, right? And it’s one of those times in your life where you just have to go through it [laughs]
Martin: Did you guys ever feel like, growing up, that you would kinda compare yourself to the other guys in your locale congregation or in your district? You go to those district activities and you kinda scope out like, “what are those guys doing?” How are they dressing? Have you ever experienced something like that, where you’re kind gauging yourself with the other guys?
Nick: Yes, I definitely have. I didn’t have a suit until I was like 16, 18…
Nick: Yea, so I was always seeing these guys, and I would always hear the girls, “Oh man I like your suit! Where’d you get it? “H&M blah blah blah!” And I’m kinda just there like with the same shirt I wore last week, you know?
Nick: Yea, a tie that I didn’t know how to tie.
Martin: How did that make you feel, Nick?
Nick: I definitely… Mm at that age I was, I’ll admittedly say that I was kinda jealous, right? ‘Cause it’s these guys getting compliments from these girls, and I’m not getting that kind of attention in that particular area.
Angelo: I kinda feel insecure because some of them are like taller. Or they look better in clothes, and they know how to rock a suit properly.
Angelo: Or like rock a certain hairdo. And sometimes I feel insecure like, “how come I can’t do that?” Or like sometimes when girls are like the social media or something like that, some of them work out, some of them got like a six-pack, some of them always go to the gym. I look at myself and I’m like, “oh I haven’t been to the gym since I was 13.”
Angelo: School gym… ah man, and I just look down like “uhhh”… I’m pretty unfit, I’m like, how do guys like them do that? How do they workout like that, how can they rock that kind of body. I’m just, I guess I’m just kinda lazy, when it comes to working out. But then at the same time I’m kinda insecure about it because I guess they’re like more confident with their body, while I’m not.
Martin: Right. So Ken, as somebody who obviously puts some effort and time into staying physically fit, both before and after getting married, you know when was that point where you were like, “you know I’m gonna dedicate myself to looking good” and is it difficult to maintain that?
Ken: Uh, 1, absolutely! [laughs] The older you get, the more challenging it gets, you know, with all the things that happen and…
Martin: The dad bod’s creepin’ in right?
Ken: *sigh* It’s a tough thing. ‘Cause it’s just like, you know, not only do you have to worry about your own intake, food intake, but you got your wife’s food intake too. So it’s kinda like, you know, she doesn’t finish her food all the time so I’m just like, “well I’ll just, I’ll eat that for you, don’t worry.”
Martin: Yea! ‘Cause it’s a waste, right?
Ken: Yea, yea, so then yea, and then obviously affects me…
Martin: …it adds up.
Ken: …yea, that affects my diet and you gotta put in extra work in turn for that. But I mean, in going back to like the conversation regarding, you know, dudes in other districts, you know seeing how other people work out, seeing other peoples’ images kinda like having that affect me. I think like, I feel like I’m kinda grateful that I grew up in a different time because I was actually like on the hunt, you know, a mid-teen at this time, then I don’t know how I would fare because I would just be trying to compare myself to other people versus working on, you know, maturing myself.
Martin: … yourself. Do you ever have to face that stigma, “oh he’s just this dude bro, he’s just a gym-head who’s just all about physical and that’s just pretty much all he is”, people kinda just throw the shade because they think that’s really… you’re just one-dimensional, you’re just a meathead guy.
Ken: Yea, that was like a lot of the rumors out there, right? I mean when you don’t know somebody, a lot of the times you’re just like basing it off of a picture or of a series of pictures and you’re like, “oh this guy is probably, has like no substance other than the fact that he works out a bunch”, right? And that’s where, you know, I put a challenge to myself where it’s just like, “all right, how can I work on myself, 1, but also not give off that stigma of like being one-dimensional?” When I meet somebody, you know, I do my best to hopefully have a lasting impact that’s not just physical.
Nick: You know, we’ve been talking about physical attraction and how those can help bring us into a relationship, right? But why do we need more than just physical attraction, what else is there really?
Angelo: Personality. Especially with the members of the Church Of Christ you gotta have that personality that you have to be righteous, you have to be holy, you have to be respectable, loving, kind, you know, all of that good stuff. Because being in a relationship, if anyone is in a relationship they have to have that demeanor where they treat their partner with respect.
Ken: I think that when it comes to looks, yea it’s like, it may be the initial thing that gets your attention and then you know, but that only goes for so long. That can only carry you up until like maybe week 3 of a dating relationship and then you’re gonna be like, “ok, this is not enough.” What other things does that person bring to the table that, you know, you feel is gonna be long-lasting? And not even that, but you know like do you feel that you can grow with this person, you know, away from just looks?
Nick: The tough thing is that you know, nowadays we have all the social media, and like you’re only gonna post good stuff, you know, you’re not gonna post like…
Nick: …the things that you struggle with, your insecurities, you know, you’re only gonna post the things that you feel that other people will like. And a lot of times that carries on to a conversation and into a relationship. And that’s what’s tough because you know, you‘ve played a part on social media, now you gotta play part in this relationship and you know, in the long run, that may negatively affect your relationship because you’re not getting the true self of one another.
Martin: Yea, it’s like your personality isn’t your instagram feed.
Nick: Right! And I think that’s what’s tough! That’s what’s tough nowadays where it’s just like when we talk personality like a lot of people just talk what’s their social media reach.
Martin: Brother Angelo, have you been in a relationship before? Hopefully you don’t get yourself in trouble…
Angelo: No I’ve never been in a relationship before.
Martin: You have not? … You have not…
Martin: As a single young male in the Church Of Christ what is your outlook when presenting yourself in front of the opposite sex, and hopefully finding somebody compatible with you.
Angelo: It’s quite daunting actually, but I guess when presenting yourself, first of all you wanna show that you’re devoted to your duty because God will give you that special someone, that special one in your life. And also, I guess for me what I look for in a girl is that, you know, she has love for her duty, and she always puts God first, she always prioritizes her duty besides anything else in life…
Ken: Can I touch on that?
Martin: Of course! Of course!
Ken: Um don’t you feel that like when a sister is like spiritually active, like that’s attractive…
Nick: For sure!!
Ken: For me, I feel like that’s huge! I mean I’ve went ahead and tried to pursue a relationship based on, you know, how active I’ve seen a sister, or how I feel that, when someone is close with God, you know like you wanna be close to that person so that you can get to where that person is, and hopefully go to another level. And that’s, I feel like that’s huge, right? We have like, as members, we have like that extra level… like a different tier of attractiveness.
Martin: Right right…
Ken: You know, we have physical, we have the personality, and then you also have that spiritual and I think that’s like…
Martin: It’s the S class [laughs]
Ken: Yes, S tier, top tier, gold standard, you know. [laughs]
Nick: If you can’t connect on that level, something such as faith, that you are ready to defend with your very life, you know like, why would you want someone who doesn’t agree?
Angelo: Very true.
Martin: Wow…No, that makes sense.
Angelo: That makes sense that makes sense. I want a girl that has a strong faith that will always strive, that she’ll never let go of that faith, she’ll never let of her election that God gave her. And that’s the thing that kind of scared me because I thought it would be hard to find especially me because I’m so weird and awkward [laughs] it’s quite hard for me to talk to girls. And so you know, I just hang out with the guys, and they would talk about girls and I couldn’t relate. But you know you’re faced with a test, it’s a test from our Lord God, He’ll put this beautiful woman, or beautiful girl, make you have a crush on her, the next thing you know her heart’s changing, her faith is withering away, and you know God’s trying to test you, I guess, God’s trying to test you if you’ll go with her, or if you’ll stay with the Lord God.
Martin: Tune in to Part II of this episode where minister of the gospel, brother Richie Juatco joins us to answer this question and so much more.
We’re just people talkin’ love. Talkin’ love and relationships on INC Heart & Soul.