Effective Communication in Marriage: Intro

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Communication in marriage is crucial. Our newlyweds, Kurt and Jannelle, have known each other for over a decade, but have been married for a couple of years now. Communication in their relationship has evolved over time, but they’re still learning along the way.

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Effective Communication in Marriage: Introduction

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado (host): “Hello, everyone! For those joining us again we’re glad you’re back, and a warm welcome to our new listeners out there. I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of this newest podcast by INCMedia, Happy Life where we help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. As for me, I have been happily married for over 21 years to my husband, Paul.

In our last episode, we left off on the topic of communication. Today, we’re kicking off the series on effective communication in marriage.

On the website insightpsychological.ca it states that lack of communication is the root cause of marriage issues and on www.marriage.com they state and I quote:

“Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.”

Stay tuned now as we talk about what communication is and look at some of the different methods.

[Show jingle/catchphrase]
Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome our guests Jannelle & Kurt, from Delta, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married a little over 2 years now. Hey, Kurt & Jannelle! How are you both today?

Jannelle Quines: Thank you so much! We’re doing great, thanks!

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! Kurt, how are you?

Kurt Quines: Pretty good. Hi, everyone!

Myrtle Alegado: So, before we jump into our discussion today, would you mind sharing a little bit about yourselves? You know, so we can get to know you a little. What do you both do professionally?

Kurt Quines: So, I’m a Structural Engineer at WHM Structural Consulting just outside of Vancouver.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmmhmm.

Jannelle Quines: And I’m a Digital Marketing & Communications Professional. I work within a tech company that focuses on video editing software.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow, those definitely sound like busy careers. I know from our last conversation together, I know you met when you both worked in retail about 9 or 10 years ago. But you only got married 2 years ago, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yes, that’s right.

Myrtle Alegado: So for you personally, what does good communication in your marriage mean to you?

Kurt Quines: So for us, it basically means speaking with honesty and respect.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, definitely, being able to speak with honesty and like, you know, being unafraid of your spouse’s reaction. Also, having an open mind and an open heart to listen to what your spouse is saying or trying to say.

Myrtle Alegado: So, in the little over 2 years that you’ve been married, but you’ve known each other for a total of 10, so what have you learned about communication with each other over the years? And did that change a little bit, you know, after you got married?

Kurt Quines: Definitely. So, communication in marriage is a lot different from when you’re dating. It’s a new stage in your relationship, as well as your life, so there are new things you’ll learn about yourself and your spouse while living in the same space.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh yeah definitely, because you know you’re adjusting not just to being married but to living with each other, living together.

Kurt Quines: Exactly. We both came from living with our families so this was our first time living with anyone. And, basically, first time living apart from our families as well.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: So it was challenging learning to live together while adjusting to living away from our separate families.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, I get that.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, for example, there are times where you know, we felt like we couldn’t express ourselves, because it felt like, you know, when you express yourselves and you’re not used to being with somebody constantly, you feel like you’re being criticized or being questioned, like the methods that you’re doing in your everyday life is being questioned. And we were both used to, you know, avoiding that. So we would try to avoid as many arguments by keeping silent, but you know that never works out. And then, you know, because of that tensions build and things start to feel uncomfortable in the shared space that you have.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of funny how that dynamic works, because I mean you’ve known each other for 9 or 10 years, and then you get married, and then it’s like walking on eggshells with each other.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s almost like you’re trying to figure out, you know, when to bring something up or not.

Jannelle Quines: Right, totally. For sure, for sure. Like, I think It took some time, but we learned that the space that we share is you know, exactly that. It’s shared. So remembering that it belongs to the both of us, so it’s up to us to create that home together. It’s not like, you know, it’s only his space or only my space. It’s a space where we need to communicate our wants, and our needs, and our overall feelings in order for things to be more harmonious.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, before we continue, let’s find out what exactly is communication and how do others define communication?

The definition of communication according to Merriam Webster dictionary is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

There are 2 basic types of communication, being verbal & non-verbal. Verbal communication has two types. Oral Communication, which happens through word of mouth, spoken words, conversations like face to face conversation with your spouse, or you know phone calls; and of course, nowadays, we also have video chats and what not. And then, the other type is Written Communication, which happens through handwritten or typed medium, like text messages, instant messages, handwritten notes, or emails.

And then we’ve got Non-Verbal Communication. Any communication without word of mouth, spoken words, conversation and written languages are called Non-Verbal Communication. And it happens through gestures, body language or facial expressions

So, now that we have defined what communication is, Jannelle & Kurt, in your own words, why is effective communication important to you?

Jannelle Quines: I think communication is important to us because it’s taken us to another level of love and respect for each other. I think we understand each other much better, and we truly are partners in life. We’re in this together and that’s really comforting.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, in it for the long haul, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So,can you take us through a typical day for you two, you know, what you share, how you communicate with each other? How often? Is it throughout the day during work, or just in the evening when you finally get to see each other?

Kurt Quines: I think a good example is, because we work fairly close to each other, we usually carpool on the days when we have Church night.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh that’s nice.

Kurt Quines: So we have really good conversations while driving home or driving somewhere.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: What are the sorts of things you talk about in the car?

Jannelle Quines: Well, I think it’s good that we work close by. So, when we carpool back home we talk about how our day went at work, and sometimes you know, how we’re feeling. We mention things that happen, like funny things that happened during the day, current events, or what’s happening in the world right now. We discuss a whole bunch of different topics when we go home.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of like anything and everything, huh?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, literally. It’s kind of whatever is happening, that happened that day, we sort of chat about. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So, it’s kind of like a catch up session but also you can bring up anything. That’s great.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: Pretty much, and then we talk about Church, mostly as well. Talking about our responsibilities and our duties. You know, we kind of coordinate our schedules in the car, pretty much. And, overall, quality time is really important to us, so even if we don’t talk and we just drive, and we’re just in the same space, we sort of can feel or read each other’s mood.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s so awesome when, you know, that comforting kind of silence is there, like you don’t really have to say anything. You’re just happy being with each other’s presence. That’s so awesome to me.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: You mentioned Church duties. What are your duties in the Church Of Christ? Can you give us examples of how you communicate in order to fulfill them?

Jannelle Quines: So, I’m the head secretary at our local (congregation), so in the local (congregation) of Delta, and Kurt is the assistant choir leader, Buklod president and group overseer. So we have not just our busy schedule in terms of work, we have also quite a busy schedule when it comes to our Church responsibilities as well.

Myrtle Alegado: For sure, it sounds like it. You’ve got a lot on your plate.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: For those who aren’t familiar with the term you mentioned, Buklod, it’s the organization for married members within the Christian Family Organizations in the Church Of Christ.

Ok, so you both work full time, on top of that you have responsibilities in the Church. How do you manage? Like, really?

Jannelle Quines: Well, to be honest, there are times where we may feel really overwhelmed and like, juggling everything and managing deadlines. You know work, like after work you have to do your Church duties, or vice versa where you go do your Church duty and then you have to go to work. But, I think we do our best to keep each other informed about what our schedules are like for those days or the weeks coming by. We have like a shared calendar or we just verbally tell each other, “Oh, hey, just a reminder you know I have choir practice tomorrow, so you know make sure you’re ready to leave work on a certain time” or “I have a Buklod officers’ meeting tomorrow.” So you know, we need to make sure that whatever our schedules are like, we make time for that as well. Because, of course, our Church offices and our duties are important, so we want to make sure that we put those into priority and make time for those on top of our work schedules.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: And we also like to eat and go out for dinners-

Myrtle Alegado: Who doesn’t?

Kurt Quines: -and that’s basically when we get down to like all our worries and start talking about it, and just, you know, just sitting down saying, “Yeah, I’m pretty tired today.” The fact that we understand one another and can empathize really helps.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: Of course, we know that God will always help us to be able to do our regular work and also carry out our duties too.

Jannelle Quines: Mmhmm. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s a great point and the perfect timing to actually bring in a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno in on this discussion. Welcome back to the show Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Sister Myrtle.Good to be back, and congratulations on Episode 2 for Happy Life! Yay! And hello to Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle. It’s nice that you’ve joined us on this discussion here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: So Bro Felmar, Kurt and Jannelle were just sharing some of their experiences. And today, since we’re kicking off our series on effective communication in marriage, Jannelle and Kurt, it sounds like for them, they enjoy having in-person conversations. But when it comes to communication as a whole, I’m just curious as to what is actually most effective?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Yes like you mentioned, Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle do enjoy their conversations with each other. And kudos to them, right? Despite their busy schedule in their personal lives, in their duties as members of the Church Of Christ, they put in that big effort to always stay in touch with each other.

However, there is a kind of communication that really ALL people should be doing and that includes married couples. And what is it?

The Bible reveals to us the answer, here in Job, chapter 8, verses 5-7 in the New International Version:

“But if you will seek God earnestly and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”
[Job 8:5-7 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So while husband and wife, like Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle, should be effective in communicating with each other, the Bible reveals to us that, above all, we ought to be communicating with God. Communicating with God through prayer is most effective—especially when it comes to marriage. What can those who are prayerful and upright expect? According to the Bible, “Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”

What guarantee does God Himself give to His people who pray to Him? In Isaiah 41:17, in the Good News Translation:

“When my people in their need look for water, when their throats are dry with thirst, then I, the LORD, will answer their prayer; I, the God of Israel, will never abandon them.”
[Isaiah 41:17 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: Now in the Christian era, our time, who are God’s people whose prayers the Lord God answers? They are the members of the Church Of Christ. Why are we sure? In 1 Peter, chapter 2, verse 9, in the Good News Bible, Apostle Peter says this to the members of the Church Of Christ:

“But you are the chosen race, the King’s priests, the holy nation, God’s own people, chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his own marvelous light.”
[1 Peter 2:9 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thus, as members of the Church Of Christ, we can be confident that as God’s people, He listens to our prayers and He answers our prayers. The Lord, our God Himself, gives that guarantee.

Did you know that even our Lord Jesus Christ has a guarantee for His disciples who are prayerful? Here in John 16:24, in the New King James Version:

“Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
[John 16:24 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on these truths we have read from the Bible, it is vital that husband and wife pray together on a regular basis. If husband and wife regularly communicate with each other, even more so with God. Why? Because when we constantly seek God through prayer, the Bible taught us, God will act on our behalf; even if we come from humble beginnings but our future will be prosperous. How else does the Bible explain the efficacy of prayer? Based on what we read earlier in Isaiah, even if God’s people are in dire need, God will answer our prayers! Even if we may encounter ‘desperate times’—and there’s plenty of that going on right now—people are desperate when it comes to their health; their job security; paying off their mortgage or other bills. And yes these situations and pressures can take its toll, even on married life. But what will be our advantage if we stay prayerful, even during these desperate times? The Almighty God Himself—the Almighty God Himself—guarantees that He will never abandon His people! As for our Lord Jesus Christ, what is His guarantee? We read it earlier, He said, “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”

So if you and your spouse are already praying together on a daily basis, be even more devoted to that. If, as a married couple, you have not yet set your devotional prayer together, why not look at your daily or weekly schedule together now, so you can agree on a time that you can pray together. And remember, preparation is key. And we’ve been taught about this many times, right, Brother Kurt, Sister Jannelle, Sister Myrtle? We’ve been taught about this many times in worship services. So, please, to all our listeners out there, especially to the newlyweds, please ensure you give yourselves enough time to prepare, to dress properly, to pause and meditate, putting away the cell phones or any distractions, so that you as a married couple, can pray together—wholeheartedly, communicating with the Lord God your needs; entrusting to Him your plans; and asking help too from our Lord Jesus Christ.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s all really, really great and inspirational advice, Brother Felmar. Thank you for enlightening us and also for joining us again here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you to the Lord God and His precious words. Again, a pleasure to be with you all here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, Jannelle and Kurt, now that we’ve heard that inspirational and biblical advice, can you share how prayer has helped you as husband and wife in these 2 years of marriage?

Jannelle Quines: I think prayer has helped us a lot. I mean, knowing that God is there to listen to us, and that He knows already about our worries, our stresses, our concerns, it’s really comforting. We know He’s provided us with the solutions and even just giving us strength during the times we need it. So we make it a priority to have our devotional prayers together to ensure that we always have God on our side.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmhmm.

Kurt Quines: We are so thankful that God pretty much brought us together. We always pray that God continues to give us the patience, the open heart, and understanding that we need. Even though there will be times we don’t see eye to eye, we pray that our love continues to grow and that our faith remains intact and will continue to grow stronger.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s awesome and it’s wonderful to hear the important role that prayer has had in your marriage. So, thanks for sharing that. And you know, considering what we’ve learned so far and what we’ve discussed today, how do you plan to improve your communication together going forward?

Kurt Quines: Definitely a work in progress. So, learning how to communicate well is ongoing and we both know that it takes a lot of work and patience.

Myrtle Alegado: It never stops, to be honest.

Jannelle Quines: Never, no.

Kurt Quines: For sure, and developing good communication habits as well is a lot of trial and error. So, you know, hopefully like we’ll get through it and patience is definitely the key. We’re also learning not to take things too personally or like it’s a personal attack or criticism of each other. So, putting that ego aside when your partner is sharing how they feel or giving feedback.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s a tough one to learn, but yeah that’s very true.

Janelle Quines: It’s definitely, it’s tough to learn for yourself. But I think another thing that comes to mind is assuming or expecting the other person “just knows” or “should know”, like putting that aside. I think that’s part of the ego aspect of it. It’s like you think, “Oh, you should know this,” but you know trying not to think in that sort of mindset is something that we’re still working on improving, even now. And I think that it’s a challenge for many newlyweds.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, for sure. And this is actually another big part of communication, and that is managing expectations and being on the same page as your spouse.

And this aspect of effective communication in marriage will actually be the topic in our next episode. So, we’ll discuss the importance of husband and wife understanding and agreeing on each other’s expectations.

But for now, thank you so much to our newlyweds, Jannelle & Kurt.

Jannelle Quines: You’re very welcome. Thank you guys for having us.

Kurt Quines: It was nice to be here.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, you guys gave great answers, you know, great discussion. It’s always awesome, very nice, to hear first-hand examples of how married couples deal with their challenges, you know real-life kind of experiences. And in Jannelle and Kurt’s case they mentioned they continue to work on their communication with one another, and most of all they communicate & pray to God that He continues to give them patience and understanding and that their love will continue to grow. We hope that all newlywed couples out there had a great learning experience today in our first episode for this series we have started on effective communication in marriage.

Remember to tune in to our next episode as we continue the discussion and we tackle the topic of ‘Expectations.’

Well, that’s it for our discussion today. To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. Or if you have any questions or just want to send us a message, please do so by emailing info@incmedia.org with the subject Happy Life. Please also share this episode with newlywed couples you think would enjoy or benefit from it.

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and God bless all the married couples.

[Show closes]

On Following My Dad’s Footsteps

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Meet a father and son who have both decided to devote their lives in the holy ministry. Brother Donald Pinnock, the host of the INC Media show, “The Solution” will be talking with his son, Brother Daniel Pinnock, who followed in his father’s footsteps. They’ll take us back to their journey on how their life-changing decision to answer God’s call to the ministry has given their lives purpose and meaning. And Brother Daniel seeks fatherly advice on parenting as he and his wife raise two young sons of their own.

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Making Changes – On Following My Dad’s Footsteps

Brother Donald Pinnock: You know, what’s really strange, son? When we visited you in France, when we went to Marseille, and you were preaching in—

Brother Daniel Pinnock: Oh man, I totally forgot about that…

Brother Donald: …in Tagalog, and also English. I’m sitting there listening to my son preaching Tagalog and also slices of English and French at the same time. And it was just like, wow. But I did notice, I really noticed that for you, I wasn’t there, because you were really concentrating on the brethren. And I could, I could also feel that the love that you have for them. So, that just made me even prouder, I suppose, and now, I’m telling you,

Brother Daniel: Well, like father, like son, Pop, it’s all the mercy of God.

[Show Open]

Aliw Garcia Pablo: No matter where you are in the world, there is one thing we have all experienced together, change. This pandemic has forced us out of our comfort zones, and has pushed us into a new norm. And we simply surrendered and figured out a way to thrive. I’m your host, Aliw Pablo, and welcome to Making Changes, a new podcast from INC Media Audio. In this podcast, you’ll hear honest conversations between two people who are on the same path to change, but are in different stages in their journeys. And we’ll learn how they’ve navigated their way around their new normal, but always with God by their side.

On today’s episode, you’ll meet a father and son who have both decided to devote their lives in the holy ministry, Brother Donald Pinnock, assigned in Toronto, Canada, and also the host of the INC Media show, The Solution. We’ll be talking with his son, Brother Daniel Pinnock, currently assigned in Val-d’Oise, France, just outside of Paris. Today, we’ll learn about this close-knit father and son relationship, and they’ll take us back to their journey and how they answered God’s call to devote their lives to the Church. Brother Daniel who calls his dad, Pop, will seek advice from his father, on parenting his two young sons, while living a life in service to God and others. We’ll be flies on the wall as they share life lessons they’ve learned along the way. Let’s listen in.

Brother Daniel: Hey, Pops, thanks for sitting down with us and having this kind of conversation with me. How’s everything there?

Brother Donald: Good, son. It’s great to talk to you. You know how much we miss you and the family.

Brother Daniel: I miss you and mom, too. Please give my love to mom and Chantel.

Brother Donald: Always.

Brother Daniel: First off, Pop, try not to cry, okay?

Brother Donald: I can’t promise you anything.

Brother Daniel: Right off the bat, Dad, I just wanted to say, thanks. I’ve never really had a chance to, you know, say thank you for the advice and guidance that you’ve given me throughout my life and throughout both my pre-ministry and ministerial life. So you still continue to give that kind of advice. So I still want to express the kind of gratitude and know that when it comes to everything you’ve taught me up until this point, and all the advice that you still give. I’m always taking it to heart and I try my best to follow it. So, thanks for all of that, Pop.

Brother Donald: And even if you didn’t say thanks, and it’s a labor and fruit of love. You know how much your dad loves you and your sister. So, you know, love motivates everything that we try to do. We try their best as parents for you.

Brother Daniel: So far, so good, Pop, with God’s help.

Brother Daniel: Let’s take it back a little bit, Pop, when it comes to you joining the ministry. I figured that’s where we could start because that’s what we have in common right now, aside from families.

Brother Daniel: When it comes to you joining the ministry, Pop, and I know you’ve explained it to me before, but I guess my question right now is, when it comes to what you had to give up, to join the ministry, because at the time if I remember correctly, you were already married, you had me – newborn, you already had a job. So you were established as far as you know, living your life, as a member of the Church Of Christ. You had a duty or duties in the Church, you were performing them. So what was the, what was the reason or the catalyst for giving that up, to join the ministry? Was there any specific mindset that you had at the time?

Brother Donald: I think looking back, even though I had a, let’s say, a rough upbringing. I learned a lot, I experienced a lot, and all thanks be to God. But little by little, He started to channel me towards the Church. And, you know, eventually becoming a baptized member of the Church in 1985. And inside the Church, that is when I started to experience real progress when it came to my life.

Brother Daniel: Okay

Brother Donald: I started to be more successful. Yes, by the time I was a member of the Church, I was already in my career as a graphic artist. I mean, the most important void within me was filled, when I became a member of the Church. That was a lot. That was 99%, we can say that I became a member of the Church that filled the void within me, because before then, I just felt empty.

Brother Daniel: Okay

Brother Donald: But I became a member of the Church, I became full. However, there was still a part of me that was seeking more.

Brother Daniel: Okay

Brother Donald: Seeking more when it came to my life. You may have heard the expression, ‘The purpose of life is a life of purpose.’ Before I found what my real purpose was, yes, it was nine to five Monday to Friday, you work, you save up, you plan to get a house, you have your family, you work hard, if you’re lucky, you pay off the house that you get your retirement and enjoy the last decade of life. But I just couldn’t see myself doing it. I really couldn’t see myself doing it. There was no compulsion. It was almost drudgery to drag myself out to, again, a career that was paying. But at the same time, there was just something that was missing inside.

Brother Daniel: Okay.

Brother Donald: And I was a CWS [Children’s Worship Service] teacher. And our dear Brother Pastor Palacios, he was the resident minister there in Toronto. I remember after a class, he said, just out of the blue, he says, “Who knows, you may join.”

Actually, what happened was we finished the class and I was walking out of the chapel there in Toronto. And I started walking towards the bus stop. I was taking the bus at that time. And all of a sudden, I heard that inner voice saying who knows one day you’re going to be a minister. And I started laughing to myself. I really did. I was laughing to myself. So that’s ridiculous, me a minister. But then, as time went by, I really started to, dwell on

Brother Daniel: The idea

Brother Donald: Of being in the ministry. Which was something, before then, I would never ever think of, to the point that we went to the Philippines, in 1990. Myself and your mom spent some time and we visited Brother Erano G. Manalo. Me and your mom, we spoke and we said, “Okay, I’m going to ask permission if I could study in the ministry.”

Brother Donald: And at the end of the visitation, he turned around, he says,

“Yes, you can study in the ministry.”

Brother Donald: So that changed everything.

Brother Daniel: Okay.

Brother Donald: That changed everything that was 1990. And yes, I could see that it would be very difficult. But at the same time, there was something that was really driving me.

Brother Daniel: And I don’t know if I ever actually told you this before, but for me, joining the ministry, what I noticed because if you remember, I had various like part time jobs from high school

Brother Donald: Right

Brother Daniel: You remember that? Working that, you know, Tim Hortons, coffee donut place, KFC [Kentucky Fried Chicken], Taco Knives. Yeah, all of these jobs.

But what was crazy, Pop, was when it came to all the jobs, even the good paying ones, I don’t know if it’s the same as yours or in the same sense as your case, but for me, it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t fulfilling to the point where I wanted to stay.

Brother Donald: Right

Brother Daniel: Even the good paying jobs, it was like, yeah, they were good paying, I got the money I could buy whatever I wanted to buy for either myself or for you and mom or Chantel

Brother Donald: Video game consoles

Brother Daniel: Yeah, my video game consoles, which I miss, and I hope you’re taking care of them. But it just never felt like enough or never felt fulfilling. And that was one of the reasons that pushed me towards considering joining the ministry. Because it was as if even a good paying job, which at the time it was, if even a good paying job, wasn’t enough to keep me in that job, then, what’s a bad paying job for sure going to keep me there?

Brother Donald: Maybe like father, like son.

Brother Daniel: Which is crazy, Dad.

Brother Daniel: It’s as if that need for purpose that you had was like, through heredity, was just installed.

Brother Daniel: Do you remember when I told you I was joining the ministry? That

Brother Donald: Yeah. But that was maybe a week or so after you graduated from university.

Brother Daniel: Yeah.

Brother Donald: And then you and I went out, we to a Vietnamese Pho. Well, we went, and we sat down. It was probably a long time since we had a father and son discussion like we did there. And it was because of course, your mom

Brother Daniel: Gung ho

Brother Donald: Gung ho. She wanted you…

So more or less in that conversation, if you remember, we talked about pros and cons, there’s no real cons, per se. But there are certain realities that have to be accepted. Again, when the Administration goes, you go there, you go there, there’s no complaint. When it comes to discipline — we make a mistake, we fall short of expectations, and there’s a discipline there,iIt has to be accepted. So in many ways, it’s like you’re, you’re entering into the military, but this is a holy military. So it’s the holy ministry.

And some of what I went through, I relate to you in that conversation, and I told you at the end, more or less, son, whatever your decision is, I will accept it wholeheartedly. But don’t join the ministry, because I’m in the ministry. It can’t be, it has to be because you feel that God is calling you. And you should also understand that it’s a lifetime commitment. It’s not just a trait now, you don’t like it. Okay, I’ll take off because, that’s really doing a 180 in ways you’re turning away from God. 3

Brother Daniel: In truth, you didn’t just sit down and talk, do you remember, you wrote me a letter about that? You don’t you don’t remember that email? Do you?

Brother Donald: I sent you so many.

Brother Daniel: You don’t remember that email though?

Brother Donald: Did we have email in those days?

Brother Daniel: Yes we had email. How far back do you think this was, Pop? This was less than 10 years ago. I’ve been a minister since 2017. Four years, now going into 2021. But you wrote me an email, right in the same week that I was graduating, that’s where you listed out, like what you mentioned,

Brother Donald: Do you still have it?

Brother Daniel: Yes, I’m looking at it right now. I printed it out.

Brother Donald: Really?

Brother Daniel: Yes, I saved it, Pop

Brother Donald: Send me a copy.

Brother Daniel: I’ll send you a copy afterwards. But I’ll read you one part just to see if it jogs your memory. But the first part right there it says:

“I’ve been wanting to write to you for some time, but as usual, so busy. Anyway, I’m taking a little while here to mention a few matters. You’re reaching that stage of life, when you have to make serious decisions concerning your future. You’re about to step out of being a student per se and into manhood, the path that you take in life will be based on your decision, even though overall God will have known already.”

Brother Daniel: And then that’s where you go and talk about, you know, life in the ministry, which you’ve experienced, and then life outside of the ministry, and what you’ve experienced. But that letter was before, our sit down there at the Vietnamese restaurant.

Brother Daniel: It was nice, it was a nice prep for entering the ministry.

Brother Donald: And you had job offers remember?

Brother Daniel: Yes, ,that was but that was like God’s way of testing if I really wanted to go to the ministry, because that was right around the time when it was time to enter the ministry.

Brother Daniel: Oh, here’s one for you, Pop because we’re talking about going into the ministry. So I decided to join, I was chasing that purpose in life as well. that was a big one for me, because that was a big point that you always instilled in me in Chantel. That was to always love the brethren and take care of them, and I figured, with all the love the brethren have shown us, what better way can I help them, then, to help them in their services to God, so why not be a minister?

Brother Daniel: So going into the ministry now, with all the reasons that were already laid out. I’m trying to get my mindset around how different it must have been me studying there versus your time. What were some of the biggest aspects of studying in the Philippines you had to deal with, Pop? Aside from the obvious, you know, language, difference in culture and food? What would you say, if you can remember, or like the biggest challenges or the biggest adjustments that you had to make as far as studying, actually studying now, in the ministry?

Brother Donald: The biggest challenge for me when it came to my studies was being alone. Being the only black man in a school of hundreds and hundreds of ministerial students, I was the only black at that time. That’s an old brother Greg, a good, best Friend.. He’s a best friend in the ministry. And I really miss that guy,

Brother Daniel: I miss brother Greg, Pop.

Brother Donald: He really helped a lot in those years, because we used to spend a lot of time together, after class and everything. But what compelled me was, especially when, before I entered the ministry was, here’s this glorious Church, doctrines – watertight, solid; there was just absolutely no new poll or leak when it came to the teachings. And it’s like, wow, people have to know about this Church. And especially people of my kind, meaning to say, non-Filipinos, but fellow blacks – they need to know.

And, my purpose was just developing. And it was, getting into fourth or fifth gear was going turbo by that time. So even when I went there, in fact, if I can just retell this I don’t know if; in fact, I’m sure I told you, but when you were one year old, your mom was still a choir member that I have set up for the choir because I had to, spend more time when it comes to preparing my studies. So as an overseer, and one worship service in Toronto, I had to babysit you. And near the end of the worship service, we’re in the nursery. All of a sudden, you started to have convulsions, to the point where your eyes were rolling to the back of your head, your lips turned blue. And you were listless and it was right at the end of the worship service. So I just kind of ran out of the nursery and I’ve just virtually shouting for somebody to help.

Brother Donald: Fortunately, there are a couple of sisters who were nurses, they came. They tried to help out but still you seem very listless. And in fact, I was afraid you’re gonna die. And we went into the office, Brother Raniel Serrano, the Minister, called me in and he prayed for you, and immediately you started to return to normal.

But I will never forget that there was that proverbial voice inside that said, “The life of your son is in my hands, you do what I tell you to do.”

And the reason why that happened was because a couple of months before I started to have doubts, I started to hesitate because I said to leave all my friends, I was going to leave a well paying job – we were just at a point of buying our first house. And I’m thinking, are you crazy gonna leave all this behind?

Brother Donald: And let’s face it, life there in the Philippines at that time, especially for a foreigner was going to be very, very difficult.

Brother Daniel: For sure.

Brother Donald: But then because of what happened in that worship service, that removed every single iota of doubt that I had. I was there, even though I was the only black man, still I was so focused. I knew God wanted me to be there. And that was, that was everything. I knew he wanted me to be there to study in a ministry. And that’s why, glory be to God, I was able to stick it out. And now, looking back and seeing so many ministerial students of different cultural backgrounds, there’s a great joy in my heart, and especially when it comes to seeing my son as a minister. I mean, can’t be happier.

Brother Daniel: How about now, 30 years later? What’s been the drive to keep you performing that duty? Because I’m just starting and I haven’t even hit five years yet. So I’m trying to picture in my head, Pop—what, five times four? Four more years? Or sorry, four more times? Just five years? What’s the drive that’s kept you performing that duty, the way that you’re expected to as a minister?

Brother Donald: Love—love of God. And because I have all of these years in the ministry, I can look back. And I, you know, I can see the condition, and also the position of the Church in the 1990s.

Brother Daniel: Okay—

Brother Donald: …and here I am in 2020, you know, I mentioned earlier when it comes to seeing all of these non-Filipino ministers coming from virtually every cultural background in the world; the houses of worship, all of these congregations. here in Toronto before when you were growing up? It was normal for ministers here to have eight worship services a week to conduct eight—so six to eight worship services a week—because we were short, few in number.

Brother Daniel: Oh, yeah.

Brother Donald: … few a number. But definitely love, love of God, love of the Lord Jesus Christ—because we’re seeing all of these prophecies being fulfilled, and of course, love of the brethren. You really get to care. But if I’m going to point to one delightful aspect of my ministry, no matter what it has to be preaching, I love to preach.

Brother Daniel: It’s crazy that you say that, because for me so far in my ministry, you know, preaching the words of God, the way the Church Administration taught us to preach. That’s like—that brings the most fire; the most drive to my idea of the ministry—is being able to preach. And that’s where it feels the most—it’s so flowing. It helps that what we’re preaching is the truth, and we see it happening. And you can see it being fulfilled in our lives and the lives of the brethren. That’s what adds to that love for preaching the words of God, and sharing them with people.

Brother Donald: Yeah, I just always look forward (to it) until today. You know, it has always been taught by the ministers in the past, that you should always consider every worship service assignment, as not only your last, which is very important, because it could be your last; but also an opportunity for you to deliver a perfect message. And when I say a perfect message, it is not just words, per se, but words that will impact the listeners coupled with the gift of the Holy Spirit. So, that can’t be done unless you know your way of life when it comes to your prayers—your devotional prayers—and also when it comes to studying the lesson. But I just love to preach. I just want to help the brethren to just stay firm, bring them closer to God and deliver them to Him, you know? We’re just mouthpieces.

You know, what’s really strange son was, for example, when we visited you in France, then we went to Marseille. And then you were preaching in Tagalog and also English.

Brother Daniel: I totally forgot about that!

Brother Donald: Now I’m sitting there listening to my son preaching Tagalog, and also with slices of English and French at the same time, and it was just like, wow. But I did notice—I really noticed that for you, I wasn’t there. You were really concentrating on the brethren, and I could also feel the love that you have for them. So, that just made me even prouder. Now I’m telling you,

Brother Daniel: Like father, like son, Pop. It’s all the mercy of God.

Brother Donald: You were in Canada. You had to come back because of your paperwork. I believe the visa that you had in France was only good for a year or so?

Brother Daniel: No, it was three months. It was three months.

Brother Donald: So, you had to leave the country. And you came back to Canada. And of course, they gave you a worship service assignment. And then we were graced with sharing a worship service.

Brother Daniel: Yeah—

Brother Donald: It was in the locale of Markham. I remember we were both sitting there as father and son, and then I gave you the nod for you to stand and start to preach. And while you’re preaching, it really felt as if I was looking in the mirror. It’s like I was looking back in time at myself. And you even sounded like me!

Brother Daniel: First of all, as far as the preaching when I was even in my studies, and I was preaching out loud, practicing, there were times where I stopped myself. I said, man, I’m starting to sound like Pop. Like , I can see exactly how he says it. And I guarantee you, Pop, I can do the same exact intonations that you do on certain questions or certain verses, like, for tone for tone, I could match you. That’s how it for me was God’s way of showing like, you know, your, your Donald Pinnock’s son. So for me, it was a point of pride. That first worship service assignment, Pop, for me was a big time blessing.

Brother Donald: Yeah, those are memories that God gifted us with, that I’ll cherish. I’ll cherish until my last days.

Brother Daniel: What advice would you give me about raising these two munchkins who are super crazy—

Brother Donald: [laughing] You know, those early years of the child’s development—it’s like, placing them in the car, without giving them instructions. For sure they’re going to crash in the lake, have accidents, make mistakes. You know, Christian discipline, it’s really important. And you also have to create it, where you’re able to have that warm relationship with your children. You know, the open lines of communication, talking to them as if it’s an older brother to a younger brother, sort of thing. That’s why, you know, I just love—I really enjoy what we have, because we can just talk, we can laugh, and we can joke.

Brother Daniel: And I’ve always told everyone this, you’re a minister, before you’re my Pop. But you’ve always done that balance of, you know, of raising me and Chantel, to recognize that you’re a minister. You are going to discipline and raise us and correct us based on the teachings of God. But that love of being our father, always was and always will be there. We always felt it. So that’s—I’m hoping I can give that kind of balance, as well.

Brother Donald: I’m sure you will, son.

Do I have regrets? I have to confess, yes. And the regrets are, when it comes to not being able to spend more time with you, and your sister, Chantel.

Brother Daniel: It always worked out, Pop, because that’s when, believe it or not, me or Chantel—we were always the most proud of you, and we knew where you were. We never even when we talked about it—if Chantel even remembers from back in the day, we would talk about you being gone either for, you know, being in the locale or out of the locale like you mentioned, and it was never with any regret on our end.

Brother Donald: As a father, I suppose, that’s where the regret is. So, my advice to you, as much as possible, even though there are circumstances that you will not be able to control, but as much as possible, try to be there. Spend some real quality time, talking, laughing with your kids. It’s everything. Time is that commodity, you know, one second goes by, and you can’t get it back.

Brother Daniel: I guess in closing, Pop, I mean, thanks for joining me on a trip down memory lane. And I just want you to know that I’m always praying and I’m always thankful to God, for blessing my life with parents, who not only love me and Chantel, but you know, raised us to, to recognize God. I mean, being born inside the Church, that was a grace that no one really controls. So, all praise, all glory to God for that. And what God has done to give us parents that raised us to know God, and to give importance to what God wants, to serve Him— enough that, you know, the son enters the ministry and my sister’s an active member and officer. So, I’m always thankful to God for that. And my prayer for you and mom, especially in these golden years of your life together, is just the best of health and that you keep being a minister that, you know, God can keep using to help the brethren.

Brother Donald: As for me, son, I’m really, really happy and fortunate. I pray for you and your family. Every single night, on bent knees, that God will keep all of you safe and that He’ll bless you in your ministry. Yeah, we miss you all. We love you all. And again, I’m very proud of you, son.

Brother Daniel: I miss you too, Pop.

Brother Donald: I’m very, very proud.

Brother Daniel: God’s good, Pop. Thanks so much.

Aliw Garcia Pablo: Hello Brother Daniel and Brother Donald. It’s so nice to listen in, and just simply be a witness to the love that you both have for each other.

Brother Daniel: Thanks for having us!

Aliw Garcia Pablo: What was so beautiful about listening to your conversation is, not only do we feel the love between the both of you, but the friendship. You know, we can really feel that you’re not just father and son, but you really are best friends and best buddies.

Now, Brother Daniel, I know that you’ve kept the e-mails and you have kept all the advice that your dad has given you through the years. But would you be able to point out the one thing that you always hear, one piece of advice that is constantly in your head, as you go on as a father; as kind of like your moral compass, as you go on in your ministry.

Brother Daniel: The one I guess voice that I could always hear, Brother Donald, my dad, saying is, to trust God. It’s shown so much in everything that he’s done and has happened in his life. Like, from the beginning, we’re talking, just becoming a member of the Church of Christ. Why? Because he trusted God enough to believe his words. So, he joined the church. Why did you join the ministry? Because he trusted God enough that when he saw certain signs, aspects of his life, he answered the call, he joined the ministry. You know, he trusts God enough to, to love the brethren through the hard times, and to see what God did in return because of that love and care for the brethren. He trusts God enough to always remind me to, you know, submit to the Church Administration. That’s why we follow the lead of the Church Administration, because that’s what God wants us to do. And that extends to my family, and raising these kids now, and having my own wife and and my own ministry—that will always be the reminder that I’ll remember from Brother Donald, my Pop, as far as being a father now and being a minister, is to just keep trusting God. Keep trusting his words that the Church Administration never gets tired of reminding us, that God will be the one to prove that that trust was well founded. And he’ll prove it multiple times. I’m sure of it.

Aliw Garcia Pablo: And Brother Donald, you know, I, myself, I am from a ministerial family, and like you mentioned there was really something special about the bond between, you know, ministerial families, and just this call of duty. You talked about sharing a podium with your son, which, you know, I have to say, not a lot of ministers and their ministerial sons can honestly say they’ve been able to do. Can you describe the joy of having a son serve alongside you in the Holy ministry? What does that feeling like? And what is life like, you know, with that kind of shared purpose?

Brother Donald: It’s extremely surreal. You feel another level of spirituality. It goes beyond chance, beyond luck. And you really understand that this is God’s will. Just to be with Daniel, sharing a worship service, was amazing. To sit down in the congregation when I was on family week, and again, listening to him preach, was also, you know, so heartwarming. I can’t really—I can’t really ask for much more.

Aliw Garcia Pablo: Now, wasn’t that just a heartwarming conversation? Thanks again, Brother Daniel and Brother Donald for taking the time to share your stories and life lessons.

And if you found value in what you just heard, please share it with your dad or your son, and let them know you’re thinking about them.

Now, be sure to subscribe and stay up to date with new episodes of Making Changes. And we’d love it if you can leave us a review on whatever platform you’re listening from. For more inspiring content, log on to incmedia.org, or download the INC Media app. Thanks for listening, and may your change uplift you.

Newlyweds: Post Big Day and Honeymoon Getaway

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Marriage advice and tips for the newlywed and engaged to be wed couples to get through the first months of marriage, since adjusting can be challenging.

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Newlyweds: Post big day & honeymoon getaway

Myrtle Alegado (host): So the wedding rings have been exchanged, you’ve tied the knot, and all those months of planning and anticipation have come and gone with your “big day.” Maybe part of you wishes you could go back and make that excitement last just a little bit longer… But what you’re probably asking yourselves now is “What’s next?”, “How can we get that amazing life we have always dreamed of?”

And looking at the numbers on www.CDC.gov with nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and on Statistics Canada with divorce rates on the rise, the more important question is: “How can we have a happy married life?”

Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that focuses on newlywed concerns. We tackle topics from marriage challenges to newlywed struggles and throw in some tips and advice.

I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado. This past May my husband, Paul, and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary, but we became boyfriend and girlfriend in 1995. Now, whether you’re newly wed or have been married for some time, stay with us to find out what you can do, so that all will go well in your marriage and in your life .

[Show jingle/catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to ‘Happy Life’

Myrtle Alegado: So after the honeymoon, you and your spouse are now living under the same roof, and you’re thinking, “Well, what’s next?” Let’s hear from newlyweds Abigail and Kenneth who have been married for a little over a year now. Welcome to Happy Life, Kenneth and Abbie.

Abigail Sarmiento: Hello.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Hello. Thanks for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, it’s great to have you here! So, can you share how your first few months as a married couple went. How did it go?

Abigail Sarmiento: First few months. Okay, so first let’s go to our honeymoon. We took a three day mini-getaway to Whistler, which is here in British Columbia, Canada. Then a couple months later we went to the Philippines, because you know it’s nice to get away, just us, to relax and focus on each other.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow! Yeah that sounds great. So, okay, you get back from your trip, and then what happened? What sorts of adjustments took place?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, in terms of dealing with adjustments, I’d say the biggest adjustment so far was when we moved in together into my parents basement unit. Abigail’s adjustment to the new living situation was more challenging, because she definitely missed her parents and her comfort zone. And what else, Abbie?

Abigail Sarmiento: Like, my bedroom and all other familiar things.

Myrtle Alegado: Well that’s understandable. So, how did the transition take place then?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, I remember that in the first few months, she would always visit my in-laws at least three times a week after work. And so sometimes I was home alone waiting for her until past 10pm.

Abigail Sarmiento: Awww.

Kenneth Sarmiento: But, you know, I didn’t complain much since she’d always bring back cooked meals from her mom.

Abigail Sarmiento: Of course.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow, that is pretty late, but you know what, home cooking is always nice, so.

Kenneth, if you could just hold your thoughts for one minute, if you don’t mind, because Abbie I want to ask you to try to explain why it was hard for you to transition to moving in with Kenneth. I mean, you just got married and you just got back from your honeymoon. So why were you feeling a little bit lonely? Can you try to explain?

Abigail Sarmiento: Ooh, okay. Yeah, it was hard because of me thinking of the ‘what ifs.’ It was a new environment for me, living with my in-laws. And, you know, we might have different perspectives in some things. Unlike when I was with my parents and brother, I can say or do whatever I want because they know me well. So, when I moved in, I would start thinking, “What if I do this? What if I do that? Is it going to be okay with them?” Or “am I doing it right?” There were worries like that in my head, and that made me a bit lonely.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww, so kind of like you were second guessing yourself on certain things.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes but, actually, fortunately, as I see my in-laws every day, as I talk to them whenever there’s a chance, I could say that my in-laws really made me feel welcome as a new member of the family. And I believe having the same faith definitely helped.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! So, okay, Kenneth back to you now. So when you saw that Abbie was having, you know, a hard time adjusting, was maybe a little bit homesick, how did you help her transition? She said that your parents were very, you know, accommodating to her. So, how did you help her transition?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, first of all, as her husband, of course I was concerned. I really wanted to make her feel more comfortable. So, we talked about it and really tried to stay open to each other, and most importantly, we also pray together.

Myrtle Alegado: Can you maybe expand a little bit more on what your communication looked like? How did you comfort Abbie through those adjustments when she felt homesick?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, there were times we communicated with words, and also other times just by our actions. So let me try to explain this a little bit. With words, we try to speak in such a way that we express honestly what we feel or think about a certain issue, just like a straightforward, direct approach. Almost like when you talk with your best friend, there’s no guessing or hesitation. Meanwhile, when we communicate through actions, usually it’s because we’ve noticed each other’s moods or expressions. For example, if Abigail is unusually quiet,

then I know it usually means that-

Abigail Sarmiento: Mmhmmm.

Kenneth Sarmiento: -something is bothering her.

Myrtle Alegado: Uh oh.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, and then I respond first by maybe giving her a hug, making her feel more comfortable, and then I ask her what’s on her mind.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, you know, that’s great. It sounds like, you know, you’re really in tune with each other’s moods, and you can adapt to one another.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes.

Abigail Sarmiento: Oh, don’t get me wrong. At first we had these embarrassing and awkward moments too, because, you know, we were together almost 24 hours a day, right? So, we got to see each other’s flaws and weird habits that we did not really show each other when we were still dating.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yeah, and then there were times we would have different opinions on matters in the home and other topics like that.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, so how did you deal with that? You know, what was your approach? Were you, like Kenneth said, you know, as if talking to your best friend, brutally honest with each other, or did you have to choose your words carefully sometimes?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, in the beginning, some things that would leave us both irritated were criticizing each other’s driving skills, or like buying stuff that isn’t really needed. Like for example, when Abbie and I go shopping, whether it be food, groceries or even clothing, just before we leave the house we already have, like, a what to buy list in our minds, or write it down on a piece of paper. And then, when we’re at the store, all of a sudden we see the 50% off aisle or the buy-one-get-one aisle.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes! Savings!!

Kenneth Sarmiento: Well, next thing we know it, we bought more things than we’ve actually really needed.

Myrtle Alegado: I can relate, I can relate.

Kenneth Sarmiento: But, you know, after those experiences we just try to remind each other that, just gently remind each other maybe we don’t need those things now, or maybe we can buy those in the future.

Or maybe there are some experiences or issues that gently reminding each other doesn’t clearly work out, or if we really needed to talk things through, then Abbie’s been the one who usually initiates the conversation. If for some reason she didn’t feel like talking, but I could feel that she was really struggling with something, then I would try to open up and start a conversation.

Myrtle Alegado: It sounds like you’re both taking turns initiating the conversation and that’s really awesome. Earlier, Kenneth, you mentioned that you pray together. What did you pray for specifically?

Abigail Sarmiento: Okay, so first of all, the reason we probably don’t have big fights, is because we talk openly with each other, as Kenneth mentioned a while ago—we communicate.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes.

Abigail Sarmiento: And regarding our prayers, we always include that may our Almighty God strengthen our relationship to be loving, caring, loyal, trustworthy, faithful with each other. And that God may guide us in all our decisions and goals in this life.

Myrtle Alegado: Yes, those are wonderful things to pray for. And after hearing examples of these challenges newlyweds face, let’s bring in a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno.

Hi Brother Felmar, and welcome to the podcast!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi Sister Myrtle. Thank you for the warm welcome. I am truly happy to be here, really excited for one of our latest podcasts brought to you by the Church Of Christ through INCMedia. And hello! Hello to everyone who’s tuning in.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, thank you so much brother Felmar. We’re happy that you were able to join us today. Now, for the married couples, especially the newlyweds who are tuning in and who may be going through the same types of struggles that Kenneth and Abbie experienced, does the Bible have any advice for us? How do we tell our spouse we think they need to, perhaps, change some habits that bother us? And, you know, what we all really want to know, how can married couples be truly happy?

Brother Felmar Serreno: So we have three questions here right, sister Myrtle?

Myrtle Alegado: Yes, that’s right.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Okay. Well, the answer to your first question is a resounding yes. The Bible has plenty of advice for married couples. In fact, the truly essential and fundamental teachings and guidelines on marriage are in the Bible. Why? Because the Bible is the Word of God. And God is the one who instituted marriage.

Let me skip to your third question before answering the second one. So your third question goes: “How can married couples be truly happy?”

Myrtle Alegado: That’s right.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s all direct our attention please to what the Bible says here in the book of Psalms, chapter 128, verses 1 to 4, as rendered in the Good News Translation:

Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs; you will be happy and prosperous. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your home, and your children will be like young olive trees around your table. A man who obeys the LORD will surely be blessed like this.

[Psalm 128:1-4 Good News Translation]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So true happiness in marriage, and in life, isn’t dependent on wealth or exotic vacations, as what TV or other media portray at times. Rather, according to the Bible, it is those who fear God who have true happiness.

How can you identify those who have holy fear of God? They have true respect, obedience, and submission to God and His ways. What can people who live this way expect? They will be happy, the Bible says. Their marriage will be happy, and their home will be happy. Why? Because they will surely be blessed by God.

Therefore, we must allow God to be at the center of our life, and we must allow His teachings to be the foundation of our marriage. Now for your second question, if you could remind me please, Sister Myrtle.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh it was, “How do we tell our spouse we think they need to perhaps change some habits that bother us?”

Brother Felmar Serreno: Right. So it goes without saying, when you go into marriage many adjustments will happen. Right, Brother Kenneth and Sister Abbie?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, it does, Brother.

Abigail Sarmiento: A lot, a lot, Brother.

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right. Now let’s remember, brethren and our friends who are tuning in. Let’s all remember, prior to marriage you were living with your parents maybe, or you were living on your own. And for so many years you followed how your parents did things around the house, for example. Or you followed your own method of getting through the day, developing your own habits along the way. But now you’re living with your spouse, your God-given partner in life. Although physically two distinct human beings but now, through marriage, the two are one in the sight of God, as stated in the book of Mark, chapter 10, verses 7 to 9. So not only because of your love for each other, but also because of our love for God, and giving due reverence to holy matrimony, husband and wife have to cooperate and make the team up work—ergo, adjustments. And yes the adjustments can take years.

Myrtle Alegado: And years, and years.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And years and years. Right Sister Myrtle. So, let’s all be guided by additional teachings coming from the Holy Scriptures. When it comes to making those adjustments, husband and wife, as we go on in marriage, especially on the part of the newlyweds who are tuning in at this time. So, let us listen to what is stated here in the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 to 5 in the New International Version:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

[1 Corinthians 13:4-5 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, taking into consideration that the Bible teaches us to be patient, kind, don’t be proud, don’t dishonor or disrespect others, so applying this to marriage and our issue right now on ‘making adjustments,’ so both the husband and wife should be willing to make adjustments in themselves and be willing to support their spouse in the adjustments that he or she is facing.

But here’s the important part, what is the foundation for making those adjustments, whether it be in our character, lifestyle, habits, making those adjustments as a married couple? So the foundation for making the latter should still be God’s teachings which are recorded in the Bible.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you so very much, Brother Felmar, for being with us today and for sharing with us those wonderful teachings and advice from the Bible.

Brother Felmar Serreno: The honor is mine, Sister Myrtle. God bless to all.

Myrtle Alegado: So Kenneth and Abbie back to you and your experiences. Have you had any other situations or topics so far that, you know, you didn’t exactly see eye to eye on.

Abigail Sarmiento: Uh, what else, Kenneth? Maybe division of chores and other responsibilities.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Ooh, that’s right. Though we live in the basement unit of my parents’ place, we have to decide for ourselves now how to manage things.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, that seems to be a popular one amongst newlyweds, trying to decide that. So you’ll be happy to know we have a few tips that we found to share, that we pulled from some sources, and here they are.

So, practical tips on division of chores. Number one is: list your chores. Sounds easy enough but sit together and make a list of chores that needs to be done, you know, daily, weekly, monthly, maybe even yearly, and just divide them. Number two: make chores proportional. Look at how much spare time you both have outside of work and divide the chores accordingly so that, you know, one won’t end up having more leisure time than the other and Abbie can’t have a movie marathon while poor Kenneth is vacuuming the whole house, you know. And then number three: take turns. So rather than trying to equally divide each chore every day, try taking turns. If there’s a task you both loathe, alternate who does it but, you know, make sure that the turns are fair. Better still, learn to love the task because it has to be done.

Abigail Sarmiento: Right.

Myrtle Alegado: So Kenneth and Abbie, believe it or not, we’ve come to our last question for today.

Abigail Sarmiento: Woooo!

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes!

Myrtle Alegado: Are you ready for it?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, we’re ready.

Myrtle Alegado: You sound too happy that this is coming to an end. All right. Well, the question is: “Are you happy?”

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes we are.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes we….wait are we? Yeah, of course we are happy. Although we know there are still plenty of challenges that we have yet to face but we are confident that, with God’s help, we will stay a content and happy married couple.

Kenneth Sarmiento: And yes, we are happy but we are still adjusting and improving our communication as we go on. We know marriage is a lifetime commitment.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, absolutely. Well, first of all, let me say a big thank you to Kenneth and Abbie for joining us on the show today.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Hey, thanks for having us. We had a great time.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes, it’s a pleasure. It’s happy to be here.

Myrtle Alegado: Now to all of our listeners, especially all you newlyweds out there, if you noticed Kenneth and Abbie remarked that they are happy as husband and wife, but they also acknowledge that they are still adjusting to each other and improving their communication. And chances are all you newlyweds are going through the same thing, which is why we’re excited to invite you back for our next episode, which will actually start off a series about effective communication in marriage.

So be sure to join us in our next episode as we educate ourselves on the importance of communication for newlyweds and touch on some of the challenges. Until then you can visit www.incmedia.org to find more information on Christian relationships. We’d also appreciate your feedback about this new podcast of the Church Of Christ. You can email them to info@incmedia.org with the subject: Happy Life. Feel free to also email us your questions about marriage, or even just to say hi.

Well, that’s all we have for you today. On behalf of everyone here at Happy Life, thank you all for tuning in. God bless to all the newlyweds out there.

[Show closes]

How To Teach Kindness To Kids

“Please” and “thank you” might be a good start, but how else can we teach compassion in our family and raise kind kids with generous hearts? Teresa Castro, an educator and mother from Irvine, California joins us to reflect on family giving and strengthening relationships with kindness, as we focus on using our blessings as the best lesson plans.

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How To Teach Kindness To Kids

[show open]

Teresa: One little thing can make a difference in somebody’s life and seeing her realize that and seeing her do these actions on her own without us telling her what to do, has been so amazing. For us, our biggest success is raising a daughter who is kind because that’s just her heart, and for us that’s the most important thing.

[lead in]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself. It just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast, brought to you by the INC Giving Project, we’re your hosts LP and Nan!

Lois Paula: So today we are actually talking about a topic that hits close to home — raising kids, now specifically raising kind kids! Being a mother of two, this topic, is something that my husband and I, we always try to instill in our kids in different ways. But we know, there isn’t a one size fits all approach; but definitely, we value seeing and hearing what other parents have done to raise their kind kids.

Nan: Well you know LP, I, I gotta say, I don’t think you give yourself or Glenn, the credit that you guys deserve. You know you and your husband are definitely on the right track — trying is already the first step, and seeking knowledge is the second step in the right direction, so you’re on that right path. And I have had the privilege to meet your kids and to get to know your kids, and I gotta say they are truly kind kids.

Lois Paula: Thanks to you Uncle Nan.

Nan: But I don’t have any little ones of my own…

Lois Paula: Yet.

Nan: …yet, but I do have nieces and nephews, you know, and I also helped with the youth group in our local congregation, and I’ve come to learn that kids have such a wide range of personalities and influences so I can see why there isn’t a one size fits all approach.

Lois Paula: Yes, and I’m glad you brought that up Nan, you are a teacher in the Children’s Worship Service and so we’re grateful for you and your help and you’ve seen my kids and you’ve helped raise them and our co-officers, you know in the office and whatnot. So we’re grateful. It does take a village to raise a child so thank you in advance for all that you do for the youth in the Church Of Christ being a teacher in the Children’s Worship Service.

But yes for all our listeners who are new parents, maybe you’re a grandparent or even that awesome aunt or uncle, like Nan, who is helping raise you know the kids in your household, this will be a fun and hopefully helpful listen to us all. So our guest today is actually a mom herself, who is also an educator, so let’s welcome everyone Teresa Castro.

Nan: Hi Teresa.

Teresa: Hey everybody, thank you so much for having me. Hi.

Lois Paula: Hello. Now Teresa before we get started, can you introduce yourself to our listeners? How long have you and your husband been parents?

Teresa: We have been parents for 10 years, going on 11.

Nan: Oh nice.

Lois Paula: All right, and your, your, you have one daughter, is that correct?

Teresa: Yes correct one girl.

Lois Paula: How has parenthood been thus far — 10 years, congratulations.

Nan: Yes congratulations.

Teresa: We have been really spoiled. She’s amazing. She’s an amazing little one. So she’s very talented and hardworking and so loving and so we’ve been really, really blessed, but she is, you know, going through those almost teenage years and we’re trying the best we can, but she’s still wonderful, we’re very lucky.

Nan: I remember being in that, at that age. I can say that I was not the kindest, so…

Lois Paula: You weren’t a kind kid? (laughter)

Nan: No, I tried to be, but you know as a young kid, you play in the playground.

Lois Paula: There’s a lot of influences like you said.

Nan: Yeah. But my parents did a great job and got me right back on track.

Teresa: Well that’s good to know it’s never too late. But luckily Katelyn has been, she is just intrinsically kind. So, it hasn’t been hard for us but we know that teenage years are coming. We’re not sure what they’re going to bring so we’re praying hard, but we’ll do our best, that’s all we can do, right?

Nan: Right. And you know, you hear it in this podcast, it’s in the title, “kindness” we hear the word kindness a lot. And it can be perceived in so many ways. So Teresa, what’s your idea or definition of kindness?

Teresa: Wow, that’s a big question. Yeah, kindness is, I mean of course it’s being friendly to others, but I think a big piece of kindness when it comes to when we’re talking to our daughter is being generous, and also being considerate. We often talk about, you know, being kind means putting others before ourselves a lot of the time, and we try to instill that with her as much as possible.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, and it’s something that you have to keep teaching, it’s not something that you just teach one time and you know it goes away but like you said she’s entering in her teenage years, and there’s a lot of influences so hopefully you know what you have taught and what you will continue to teach like you said will will be implemented.

But we’re talking about kindness and parenthood. But what about upbringing? How has kindness been instilled for you specifically Teresa, as you were growing up? Do you recall certain moments where it was in your family and now it’s impacted the way that you treat Katelyn?

Teresa: Oh definitely. Growing up, my parents were, you know, they were very strict but they were also very kind, not just to me but to everyone around them. So I was very blessed because when my parents raised me they really did teach me to put others first and I think that was a big thing so whatever I do, I accomplish, whatever I get, I just make sure that you know I’m serving others and that’s a big part of my life, life of service. That’s why I’m a teacher and that’s why we instill that in Katelyn as well, because you know when she does that for others that, of course makes her feel good too and it’s the right thing to do.

So, I always saw my parents giving to others very generously. A lot of the times you know putting others first and making sure they got everything they needed before we got all the things that we needed. And growing up, you know, it was hard to understand at first but then after a while you saw and you saw how wonderful it felt to really give to others so seeing them do that and being generous with their time and with their resources, not only with our family but with friends and with people from our Church, that was, that really made a big impact on me and I knew that it was something I wanted to carry on to my to my daughter and my family.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, I agree. I think when I look back, it was my mom who I looked back at as my hero, you know like, the most selfless person in the world. But yeah kindness is definitely something we strive for every single day. It’s easy to disregard it, especially the times that we’re living in everyone is, you know, needing something so it’s easy to kind of just forget about it and really focus on ourselves. Yeah, I’m glad that, that inspiration has allowed you to carry what you’ve learned on into your parenthood as well. So in a way, you know, being kind to something we all need to really fight for like you said, and make sure it continues despite all of the negativity around us.

Teresa: Right, absolutely. And I like how you put it that you have to fight for it because it’s not something you know you can learn it one day, but a lot of things happen in life so we really do have to teach our kids to fight for what’s right, and whether or not other people are doing it, you know, you have to really fight for, for kindness for being kind to one another and yourself as well.

Nan: Yeah, I totally agree. You know kindness, it takes effort right. I mean it’s easy to only think of yourself or disregard the needs of other people and you know you talking about your parents and how they raised you to put the needs of others ahead of yours, you know I think that’s a really really great lesson to have been taught to you. And it’s great to hear how kindness was something that was instilled in you at such a young age, you know, and I really do think your parents found success because it seems to have really stuck with you even into parenthood.

Teresa: Oh, thank you. That’s probably the biggest compliment that you can give them. Thank you so much that’s really kind of you to say as well. And it’s really yeah it really is so important to us so thank you for that.

Lois Paula: And you know we can’t say it enough kindness kindness kindness it’s the name of this podcast and it’s a topic we touch on every single episode, but we usually we talk about how we should and could be kind — but today’s a little bit different because we’re also talking about how to instill it in, not only ourselves, but in the kids we raise. You know to see how much it can really impact, not just us and those around us but have a lasting impact, even after we’re gone you know for our kids.

Nan: Yes. Yeah, and that’s, that’s the goal right. And it’s not just about us and what, how we can improve ourselves but also the kids that, you know, as parents that you have to raise and also the kids that are in our lives, whether it be through our family and friends. So Teresa earlier in the podcast we learned what your idea or definition of kindness is, how does that translate into you raising a kind kid?

Teresa: So for us, like I said, a big part of being kind is being generous and considerate of others and we explicitly make sure that we take steps towards that, if not daily, you know, at least weekly. And ever since she was small, we made sure whether you know, whether it’s our savings how we saved, we made sure that we had enough to give to others. Every week we make sure, what you know what did you do for someone today or what did you do for others this week? If you haven’t done anything, what can we do before the end of this week? That’s always an explicit conversation that we’re always having. Because it’s easy for her to see what kindness is, but sometimes it’s hard for her to do it on her own, and she’s getting to the age where she really is doing it on her own at this point.

So, we talked about not just doing the kindness, but, but why? Why is it that we do it because when you understand the reason why you are kind to others it becomes embedded in what you do. And so we do have those conversations of, of giving to others, especially when we had like activities for the Church where we did our acts of kindness for others and, and a lot of those things that we did they were funded by her she made sure that that came from, from herself. It was truly, it wasn’t something from her parents. We didn’t make her do it, she, she really reached into things that she earned and made sure that this was really coming from her and that was a really powerful moment for us as her parents, but also for her as well. And I think that was very lasting because even now she remembers those things. And you can see her starting to do that on her own, without us prompting her to do it.

Lois Paula: That’s a beautiful accomplishment.

Nan: Yeah, I would say like, that’s a proud moment. I could feel the pride, you know like, just in you sharing that moment, yeah it’s it’s really nice to hear.

Lois Paula: Yeah, and we’re so grateful. you know you use your platform Teresa to even to share the tips and things online you know with other parents and with your friends and family who are also listening and following you. But in terms of, you know, the many facets of just raising children in general, why is raising a kind kid so important to you and your husband? What does that mean to you? And where does that inspiration come from?

Teresa: I mean, with our faith we’ve always been taught to be kind to our fellow man, and also to our family but if you take a step back and you look at people who are kind, they’re just overall happier, aren’t they?

Nan: Right.

Teresa: You know, when you’re kind and you do things for others it feels good. And when you’re happy also you have less stress you know that’s really important in the world we live in today. And so when you’re kind to others, not only do they benefit but you benefit too and that’s something that Katelyn has realized that she’s doing it for others but she, it makes her feel good so it makes her want to do more and so I think it’s really important to be kind, because of course you create those connections with other people, you make friends, your self worth really starts to build because there’s a high correlation between your self worth and feeling like you belong and being kind to other people because that’s how you get along with people.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, you create those connections and those connections could, who knows, one day lead to somewhere else where it wouldn’t have ever, you know, opened the door for it if it weren’t your taking the moment to, to be kind and to be generous like you mentioned.

And you said also earlier, your faith had a big part, a big role in, in the way that you raise Katelyn and the importance of raising a kind kid you know since instilling a strong understanding of Christian kindness, has been implemented in your life and you’re implementing it and Katelyn’s, and what are some things that you decided to do well with her like you said you you practice something on a weekly basis you have affirmations that you, you do. What other things are you learning over the years that are helpful and maybe not so helpful, maybe there are some things that you’re like, oh my gosh that did not work let’s try again.

Teresa: Right. Yeah, I think at first when, you know, when she was when we were really trying to instill the kindness it really was for us. I mean she, her personality is, she is a people pleaser. She loves to make people feel happy which is a blessing, but it also makes me wonder if it’s lasting. Also is it something that is really her or is this us, you know, so that was a challenge in the beginning we weren’t sure like okay she’s doing this but is she doing it for us, or is she…

Lois Paula: You’re right. You know, when you’re young, you really don’t understand too much, you do, but you’re right — is it because it’s what your parents are telling you to do or is it because you really feel like it’s right.

Teresa: Right.

Lois Paula: At what point did that click? At what point did you really feel and see that what you were teaching her was really being understood and taken proactively in herself?

Teresa: Like I mentioned before, I think a big part of it was teaching her why we did what we did and why we choose the things that we do, when you, when you’re kind to people why is it that you do it, you know, and giving her a lot of stories about when we grew up, maybe this tiny thing that we did has such had a such big impact on someone else’s life and sharing those stories with her and her realizing that even small acts of kindness can make a huge difference to somebody’s day and, you know, she has bad days some days and and you know talking to her about you know if someone just gave you one word of kindness, what difference could that make for you and she realized like you know what yeah that would turn my day around, you know one little thing can make a difference in somebody’s life and seeing her realize that and seeing her do these actions on her own without us telling her what to do, has been so so amazing and I know it’s very important to raise children who are successful in life but for us, our biggest success is raising a daughter who is kind because that can open so many doors and that’s just her heart, and for us that’s the most important thing.

Nan: That’s so great to hear you know clearly you’ve, you found a great way to learn and even practice kindness and, and instill that in Katelyn. And you, you kind of already answered this, because you’ve stated that she is proactive and even during the make kindness contagious campaign that you and your family participated in. It’s cool to hear that it was like all her kind of taking the reins and asking you to, to help her with that. So, are there any particular opportunities that she enjoys and she like actively like asks you to take her to or to volunteer for? I mean, are there certain things that she just enjoys doing as far as helping others?

Teresa: Oh yeah. She’s old enough now to start researching. You know, we watch her research but she takes time now to kind of look for things that she can do to make a difference, you know, she researches what kids her age can actually do out there and so she’s found a lot of great things and we do continue to donate to the shelter near us which we started doing with the kindness campaign from the Church so we started back then and we continued that right now and actually made quite a bit of friends over there so yeah, so that was, that was huge, that was huge, we would have never done that without the opportunity so so we’re very thankful for that. And you know, she takes time to make crafts or she makes goodie bags to carry around in the car so if we see, if we see someone in need on the way like she yells out “Give them one, give them one.”

Lois Paula: I saw, I thought that was so smart you called it something specific, what, was it?

Teresa: She called them blessing bags.

Nan: Oh wow.

Lois Paula: Blessing bags. How beautiful is that? You have it in your car, you prepared ahead of time just so you’re, there’s never a reason for you not to give it.

Teresa: Absolutely. And so she’s, she’s so proud to do things like that and when we find people who need, she she goes out there and she’s eager to go out on her own and and that’s just such a big you know quality to go, to have the courage to go out there to people you don’t even know and offer a helping hand, you know, and and we’re so proud. We’re so proud about that.

Nan: Wow, that’s, that’s really cool and that’s a great idea to those blessing bags I, I’m gonna have to take a page out of Katelyn’s book and make my own blessing bags for my car.

Teresa: Yeah. You know something lately she’s even started her own little business and part of it was, we were asking her “Why? Why are you doing this?” and, and she came up with a business plan. One of the questions was, what are you going to do with your earnings? And I was expecting a lot of answers but this was a really proud moment when she said, “Oh, I’m going to I’m going to donate them.”. And she said, and then I said so. “So Is that why you’re doing what you’re doing?”. She’s like “Yeah because so I can make more to give.”. And so that was, that was when we knew that this was really becoming a part of who she is.

Lois Paula: That’s beautiful.

Nan: Wow. That is awesome. That is so cool. And I want to say thank you so much for really showing us how important it is, as a parent, to raise a kind kid and and it really does shine through in just everything that you’ve shared with us and what we’ve heard about Katelyn and you and your husband and and all the things that you’ve done to instill that in her. So what’s really interesting is, okay we’ve established you’re a parent and you’ve had these experiences where you’re able to instill kindness in Katelyn. But what about as an educator? Because you get to kind of see both sides of the coin, you know you’re a parent, and then you’re also an educator so based on your experience, you know, how much of a difference does it make when you’re working with or teaching kids that are just, you know, genuinely, and sincerely kind?

Teresa: Well this, it’s a big reason why I became an educator because kindness is such a big piece of me and, you know, when I work with kids that’s, that’s actually my number one goal. Of course academics are so important, but for me, it’s really important to instill that character, and that’s my number one thing I’m known for it. It’s so important. It’s so important and not only, you know, raising kids who are your own or kids in your classroom, raising kind kids is not just for a bright future for them but a bright future for, for all of us. And it makes the world a better place, and I truly believe that kids are naturally, intrinsically kind and helpful. That’s how they’re born, that’s how they are. Sometimes they might go a different direction but that’s really who they are to the core so it’s not hard to bring them back to that. And so when they come to us, we want to make sure that they can access that part of themselves and when they leave us they hope that they continue to continue to do that.

Lois Paula: I’m getting emotional because I just think of my, my six year old and he’s in kindergarten, and you’re saying all those things that I just have, you know, there are so many hopes and dreams as a parent you want for your child and and you know as much as I see like, you know, the tantrums, I do see the beautiful kindness in these little small moments where he’s interacting with his teacher and he just, you know, she asks, “Do you want to answer the question, Ryder?” and instead of just blurting out an answer, you know, “Thank you Mrs., yes I would like to,”. I’m like, oh you’re so polite like, where did that come from?

So it makes me so emotional to say that — and firstly I just actually want to thank you, Teresa, as an educator, and all of your colleagues. Thank you to all of our teachers and educators all over the world. We appreciate you. We appreciate what you’re doing, your sacrifices, everything that you have done in all of your years in education, it means a lot, coming from a parent. Doing this virtual thing, it’s all new to us, but you have so much patience and love for our children. So thank you, thank you, endlessly for what you’re doing.

Teresa: Thank you so much. I know it, we don’t hear it often, but we, when we do, it means a lot so thank you for saying that.

Lois Paula: Before we continue on with our conversation. We did ask you, our listeners as well, all of you, our kindness ambassadors, to chime in, about how kindness moves you. So for this episode specifically, here’s what Cindy Sandi from Temecula, California had to say about kindness and compassion, and how it can help in our own families.

Cindy Sandi: The INC Giving Show reminds me that in this time of darkness, there is still light shining in this role, through love and compassion. We are the examples of hope and faith in our community. But most importantly, to our family. It has to be shown to them through the act of a giving heart, we share and reflect the love and mercy, that God has graced us with, even during this time of uncertainty. Being able to give is such a true blessing. We are humbled by his love and we are happy to give, as well as share our faith.

Nan: Thanks Sandy for sharing how kindness moves you. You know we’ve had Teresa on the show today. And we’ve had a great time hearing about how she’s instilling kindness in her child. Her and her husband have done a great job and it’s really been fun hearing about those experiences and also your perspective as an educator, so thank you Teresa for sharing that with us. Now we’ve mentioned this earlier in our discussion during the podcast, you and your family were part of the Make Kindness Contagious Campaign and we’ve seen you participate in various outreach projects for the Church Of Christ. How has the INC Giving Project helped you in your goals of raising a kid?

Teresa: Oh it’s, wow that’s kind of hard to put into words. So the activities in the Church, especially the making kindness count, has been such a big deal because it gave us opportunities to really get out there and I think we’ve always wanted to do those things but we didn’t really take the initiative initiative to do them so it gave us a vehicle to do what we’ve always wanted to do and those prompts for what we were to do every day, we wouldn’t have thought of those things on our own and so it was really fun for Katelyn to see those and it was fun to see what she can come up with for every day, that was really fun. So without those activities, I don’t think we would have done it as soon as we did and we’re happy to continue to carry on. We continue to do those things even now, so we’re very thankful for that.

Nan: Very cool. So is, that whole campaign was kind of like a catalyst for all these new ideas that Katelyn and your family are participating in.

Teresa: Oh absolutely, because when you go out there and you try to find things to do, they’re just kind of, there’s a lot of things and you’re not sure what you should do, what can you do, but this was really motivation and she was excited every day to see “What’s, okay, what’s next, what’s next, what are we going to do next?”. And she was planning those out and we were together making those calls to the different shelters and who was accepting what, what can we do, just really making that part of our day and part of our lives and knowing that it’s not as hard as we thought, because those were always big ideas that we thought like “Oh we’ll get to them someday.”, but not realizing it’s not really that hard and these campaigns forced us to do it every day and when we’re done we’re like, oh, that wasn’t so bad we can continue to do this all the time and so that was, that was really great and we’re thankful for the opportunity and for the motivation to, to show kindness.

Lois Paula: And I think a lot of us share that feeling where we think that it’s this big hurdle that we have to really plan it out and think about it and create this elaborate plan, like you said, but at the end of the day it’s not as difficult as we would think it to be. So we’re grateful and you actually you mentioned this, but before we go, we did want to just ask you if you did have any parting piece of advice that you would like to share for parents or maybe people raising kids to be kind — you know, what would that be? As an educator or as a parent, you mentioned some great things today and we are inspired by your words and by your insight so any last tips or advice that you can give our listeners?

Teresa: Oh well I can learn so much from you, but in my whole 10 years, I think the biggest thing for us is our faith, and praying together and praying for ways to be kind and to do what we should do in this world, really being lights of this world and helping others and I think it’s really important to teach our kids and our students as well that, that they’re worthy, they’re worthy of receiving kindness and giving kindness and every little bit of kindness makes a difference to others so it’s always worth it. Even though you’re having a bad day, or even though things are hard is, showing kindness to others will always be worth it for them and for you as well, so instilling that in our children and in our students that really leads us to a bright future for all of us. And so, I don’t know if that was really advice but I think…

Nan: That’s great advice.

Lois Paula: I think just speaking positively about it and empowering one another to, like you mentioned, to understand that everyone’s worthy — that was so beautiful and and that’s why I appreciate your posts. On a, on a general basis, you use your platform to share inspiring quotes, to share motivational stories, on your platforms constantly about kids and, about the youth and education so thank you for that as well.

Teresa: Oh thank you. I didn’t know I had an audience.

Lois Paula: Everything that we do online it’s there and again you’re using your digital footprint, so to say, in a positive manner, so your educator mode is always on.

Teresa: Thank you so much.

Lois Paula: So thank you so much again Teresa for joining us. You’ve highlighted ways for us to help us raise kind kids and there’s also more examples from volunteers like you and Katelyn and your family featured on ingiving.org or on the Instagram, the official INC Giving Project Instagram so check it out for more ideas, if you haven’t, to all our listeners.

Nan: Yes, and we are so thankful. This was a lot of fun. It was nice to hear such inspiring words and just inspiring experiences that you’ve had with your family so thank you so much Teresa for joining us.

Teresa: Thank you for having me.

Nan: So in our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions about one of the important values, one can carry into adulthood, kindness, no matter how young or old, we break down how to keep a compassionate upbringing in your toolkit early on as a young professional and through the decades, as we focus on the true value of doing good.

Lois Paula: Yes – so, so much ahead, we hope you enjoy these conversations as much as we are. Thank you for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org.

Lois Paula: And add us to your playlist of favorites or download more episodes on Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio and Apple Podcasts. Remember, act now — make your move to do good, because kindness matters; it’s meaningful, it motivates, Kindness Moves!

[show close]

Happy Life Podcast coming soon, Newlyweds

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Tips for newlyweds to get through challenges they face in their 1st years of marriage. We ask the Bible for advice on how to have a happy marriage.

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Myrtle Alegado (host): As newlyweds, your wedding day was probably one of the most important events in your life to date. So much goes into wedding-planning, and quite often, engaged couples get so focused on the quote/unquote “BIG DAY” that what comes afterwards, the real life , normal day-to-day adjustments, issues and concerns can come as a surprise.

I’m Myrtle Alegado, your host of Happy Life, a new podcast coming soon by INCMedia Audio. With the help of some newlywed couples who share their real-life experiences, we’re here to help you maneuver through this uncharted territory of married life.

[Kurt Quines soundbite]

“It was challenging adjusting to living apart from our own families.”

[Kim Muolic soundbite]

“…honestly, because there’s no way that your spouse can read your mind.”

[Martin Zerrudo soundbite]

“We have different responsibilities and lifestyles. So, definitely, that was one of the challenges and areas of disagreement.”

[Jannelle Quines soundbite]

“Prayer has helped us a lot… knowing that God is there to listen to us, and that He knows already about our worries, our stresses, our concerns, it’s really comforting.”

Myrtle Alegado (host): You know, sometimes, it just helps to know that there are other couples who are going through the same thing. You’ll hear how prayer and Bible-based teachings helped them tackle their challenges.

Stay tuned and find us on the INC Media app, Apple podcast and Google podcast.

What I Saw After My Child’s Autism Diagnosis

Embracing my son’s autism diagnosis opened my eyes to countless blessings

When I realized my son might be autistic, my heart and mind were racing in all directions.

I searched online to find out more about the “signs and symptoms of autism.” Why didn’t I see it sooner? Why is this happening to our child, why is this happening to us, I wondered. I felt helpless and couldn’t see beyond my fears.

Now, almost six years later, even though it’s been a bumpy road, a lot of the regret and worry have faded. Through our son, we’ve been able to see God’s mercy behind every challenge.

These days, we welcome questions, and the most common one is: “How did you know your child has autism?”

How Did You Know? Recognizing the signs and symptoms of autism

One question kept ringing in my head after my son’s 18-month checkup: Does he look and point?

My husband Michael and I had never had many concerns about the health of either of our two children. So, at each checkup, we’d become accustomed to answering “yes” to all of the questions the doctor would ask. Does he have a normal appetite? Regular bowel movements? Is he walking? Yes, yes, yes…

And I had said “yes” to indicate that he does “look and point.”

But after seeing the pediatrician, I was looking at our son. The question wouldn’t go away. DOES HE LOOK AND POINT??

I knew it wasn’t really a big deal if Mateo didn’t speak yet, but I wanted to know why his doctor asked whether he could “look and point.” Deep down, I had a hunch about what it could be. So, I looked it up.

Search query: “toddler cannot look and point”

Results: “Signs and Symptoms of Autism”

From my laptop, I looked up and stared at Mateo as he played. As if he was moving in slow motion, I could check off so many of the signs and symptoms.

He does not respond to his name
He does not look and point
He does not make eye contact
He does not have any words
He does not notice other children
He does not imitate others
He does not “share” moments with anyone

And as all of the indicators piled up, there was Mateo running around in a circle, flapping his hands. Two more indications.

His eighteen months flashed before me, and I wondered why I hadn’t noticed earlier.

Mateo was born almost six weeks early, but he’d always been an easy baby to care for. He was our second child, quiet and content, and could spend hours playing. But over the past couple of months, he’d been pretty much in his own world by himself.

He would sit and play and stack his toys, and he would be perfectly happy to receive food or drink at the appropriate intervals. He would cry, of course, if something was wrong. But that was pretty rare.

And he hadn’t ever tugged at my sleeve or asked me for anything.

My heart was breaking as I made one realization after another.

When Mateo was about a year old, he had started to babble. Then, one day, my husband Michael was about to teach in the Children’s Worship Service, and as he went up to the podium, I know I heard Mateo say very clearly: “Daddy.” That was December, and Mateo was 14 months old.

But it was March now, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard Mateo make any recognizable sounds. Was that an instance of regression? Another indication.

Hopeless, we turned to God in prayer for our child

After agonizing over Mateo’s first eighteen months, my mind jumped ahead to the future. Will he ever speak? Will he be able to take care of himself? Get married? Have a family? How long will we be around to help him? Then I wondered, will he be able to have faith and serve God?

At this point, Michael arrived home, and I shared all the heart-wrenching thoughts that filled my head.

We then took every one of our worries and gave them to God in prayer.

My child was diagnosed with autism, so now what? Seeing the silver linings

A few months after my flurry of realizations, our son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Mateo is now seven years old, and although he is nonverbal, he can say some words and phrases, and makes many happy sounds. He’s making much more eye contact, he’s sharing moments with others, and he’s using his iPad as an AAC (assistive and augmentative communication) device. Through an app called Proloquo2Go, he can form sentences and make requests such as “Can I have more chocolate?” He’s even learned how to join us when we pray, and can use his iPad to say “Amen.”

These are just a few of the silver linings we’ve seen since his diagnosis, and we feel we’ve also grown in three key areas:

1. Resilience

Mateo often wakes up after midnight and stays awake for hours, so we’ve been sleep deprived for years. We’ve had to become stronger, spiritually for sure, but physically and mentally as well. We’ve worked on dietary changes for Mateo and for ourselves and our daughter, and we’ve tried to improve our fitness, so that we can keep up on this autism journey.

2. Perspective

Our understanding of Mateo and autism has also helped my husband and I understand all people better. We’ve learned about “neurodiversity,” the idea that neuro-atypicals, including those with autism or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) might think and process things differently than “neurotypicals,” but they are different, not less. We’ve developed better working relationships with our colleagues, and I feel I have a better understanding of the wide range of strengths and challenges of the high school students I teach.

3. Love

Even though we’ve never heard him say it, we feel Mateo’s love, and because of him our marriage is stronger. Through Mateo, my husband and I have learned that words make up such a tiny, tiny part of communication. We’ve become more aware of how we respond to each other, we look at each other more, and we understand each other better.

We see this in our daughter, as well. Micah, now nine years old, had to do a lot of growing up at such a young age as she developed in her autism understanding. But we’ve seen her develop a very special relationship with Mateo. And we know he adores her—he shows it in his smile and his giggles with her, and in how he leans in for a kiss.

Lately, Mateo has been coming up to Michael and me when we’re sitting on the sofa. He takes our hands and puts them together. He makes sure we don’t let go. Then he walks away, smiling. Mateo has really taught us to love more than we ever thought we could.

Every night Micah prays from the bottom of her heart: “Dear God please help Mateo do all the things we do.” But as we’re realizing, Mateo’s actually doing so much more—he’s encouraging us to be stronger as a family and to trust God as He guides Mateo on his journey.

Meeting the needs of my child with autism

It’s overwhelming. And if you’re there, you’re not alone. Listen to “Raising An Autistic Child” in which a mom realizes the true purpose of being a parent when she learns her son is autistic and finds hope through faith. I got the opportunity to speak with Emirick about her experience on the new INC Media podcast “Making Changes.” It was a moving and inspiring experience for me to see the journey of raising a child with autism from the perspective of someone who has been there. I hope you walk away feeling hopeful after listening to it.

As you work towards meeting the needs of your child with autism, there will always be new challenges that require resilience, such as learning about IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and advocating for the best therapy and education. So it might help to listen to “Examples of Conscious Parenting,” in which a working mom of two shares how her fears and hopes keep her present for her children and allow her to be a conscious parent.

And for the fathers out there, you can read about when Michael became a Christian dad, and what he learned as he navigated his new responsibilities.

There is always hope in this parenting journey

No matter where you might be in your journey towards understanding and helping your child, keep loving your child and just know that you’re not alone, and know that hope can be just a prayer away. As members of the Church Of Christ, we firmly believe that God hears the cries and prayers of His people and gives them strength to face all challenges in life.

For our family, we focus on the strengths and abilities that the Lord allows to develop, not only in Mateo but in each of us as well.

We still have challenging days, but we continue to put our faith in God. He always provides the help we need and allows us to see the biggest blessings in the smallest of things.

About the Writer

Myra is a full-time high school teacher, from Toronto, Ontario. She’s a wife, and mother of two, who enjoys skateboarding and making healthy food for her family. She’s a staff writer at INC Media Services.

Trailer – Making Changes Podcast

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Making Changes Podcast features honest conversations between two people who are on the path to change, but are on different stages in their journeys. Listen in as they share life lessons they learned along the way, but always with God by their side.

Interfaith Relationships: Do They Work?

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Couples with different religious beliefs are becoming more common worldwide. Can interreligious relationships work or are there unavoidable consequences?

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[Video: Question from Robbie of San Diego, California]

Robbie: Hello, my name is Robbie from San Diego and my question is what would you do if you love someone and you’re planning to marry them, but you two are different religions but you’re both Christian, just different denominations and you’re contemplating three options? Would you change your church to that person’s, try to convince that person to go to your church or you try to raise your family between the two?

[SHOW OPEN]

Brother Bob: Does the Bible give any insight to the consequences of having such kind of divided household? Absolutely. We turn to the Holy Bible in Matthew. Matthew, chapter 12, and here’s what it says there. There’s definitely going to be consequences, Robbie. And it goes like this in the words of our Lord Jesus Christ…

[On-screen text graphic]

SHOULD A PERSON MARRY AND BUILD A FAMILY WITH SOMEONE WHO IS OF A DIFFERENT RELIGION?

²⁵ But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.

[Matthew 12:25 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: If then, Robbie, you or anyone, wants to ensure that your household, your family, will stand strong and firm and will not be divided and ultimately, ruined, Jesus made it very clear. There cannot be any division. But what if the two elements of the household, husband and wife, would have different beliefs? What must the household have concerning belief? Again, we just pose the questions together and we turn to the Holy Scriptures. Ephesians 4:4-6 reads this way…

⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

[Ephesians 4:4-6 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: There can be only one faith. If the household, the family, wants to stand strong and firm and have a wonderful future blessed by God, they all have to be inside the one true faith. Because what’s the instruction of the Lord through the Apostle Paul, dear friends? If one will, as mentioned by Robbie in his question, that what if they love someone who’s not a part of the one true faith that one is embracing? What if, inside the one true church, they fall in love with someone who is not part of that one faith that was just described in those verses? Answer of the Bible again, we’ll read it in the LAMSA rendition of the Holy Scriptures. 2 Corinthians, chapter 6 is worded this way in verses 14-18…

¹⁴ Do not unite in marriage with un-believers. For what fellowship has righteousness with iniquity? Or what mingling has light with darkness? 15 Or what accord has Christ with Satan? Or what portion has a believer with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ Or what harmony has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As it is said: “I will dwell in them and walk in them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

¹⁷ Wherefore “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. And touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you.”

[2 Corinthians 6:14-17 LAMSA Translation]

Brother Bob: What’s the instruction of the Lord, dear friends? “Come out from among them and be separate.” Do not make marriages with them. The household that is divided cannot stand; it will end up being ruined. And you know, dear friends, this is that instruction is…it’s not something new. Let’s consider, for example, in the book of Deuteronomy, a law of God since the very earliest times, I quote in Deuteronomy 7:3-4…

³ Do not marry any of them, and do not let your children marry any of them, ⁴ because then they would lead your children away from the Lord to worship other gods. If that happens, the Lord will be angry with you and destroy you at once.

[Deuteronomy 7:3-4 Good News]

Brother Bob: So Robbie, be together in one faith, here inside the one true Church Of Christ and God’s blessings will be with you and your household.

Thanks for watching. I’m Brother Bob Pellien and we’ll see you next time.http://www.iglesianicristo.net

Living The Military Wife Life

As a military wife and mom of 2, Roxanne Matammu learns to deal with taking care of the household and while strengthening her marriage while her husband is deployed.

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Roxanne: So, I mean, we’ve gone through a lot of stuff. But, one of the hardest things that we’ve had to go through as a couple, and also for me as a mom, was um -Rob had deployed early October, and maybe just a few weeks later, we were surprised to find out that we were actually pregnant! But, unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t last. We ended up losing the baby,

Mariel Gutierrez: Parenting isn’t easy. It’s challenging and frustrating, but it’s also rewarding and inspiring. We just need a few reminders sometimes. Parents, dads, mamas, you’re not alone. Let’s do this parenting thing together. I’m Mariel Gutierrez…

Jewell Buenavista: And I’m Jewell Buenavista. We are the tired but inspired moms, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life.

Mariel: So, Jewell, the other day – I have to tell you just a quick story – I was busy, right? Going between meetings, and deadlines, and spreadsheets. And, of course, homeschooling… still! That I completely forgot to look up and cook dinner.

Jewell: [Laughs]

Mariel: And, unfortunately, it happens frequently. [Laughs]

Jewell: Especially these days, right?

Mariel: Exactly! Especially these days. I have no sense of time, it’s always dark, so I just keep going. But, you know, fortunately for me, my husband swoops in. By about 4:30, if he can see that I’m still, you know, in a meeting or doing something, I don’t even have to ask – he’ll cook, you know? He actually did that these past few days. Yesterday, what did he cook yesterday? Yesterday, he made clam chowder! Today, he made kalua pork!

Jewell: Yum!

Mariel: I know! You know? So, I’d totally be lost without him. I think it’s a good reason that God made parenting a two person job, you know – marriage, sharing the household stuff – a two person job between husband and wife!

Jewell: [Laughs] Seriously, Mar! I can barely take a trip to Walmart by myself. I mean, it’s really sad.

Mariel: I give credit to those that have to do it on their own. Like, I can’t imagine… So, Jewell, today, we have Roxanne Matammu, a mother of two sweet and energetic boys, who is also a military wife!

Jewell: Mmm!

Mariel: So, when Roxanne’s husband is deployed – his name is Robinson – he’s gone for months at a time, and she’s left to champion a home base.

Jewell: Oh wow…

Mariel: I know! And, you know, I’m only cleaning bathrooms like, sometimes? [Laughs] There’s a schedule for it, but I’ll also forget, you know? But, she’s doing everything! She’s doing the cleaning, cooking, home cooking – oh home cooking? Well, yes – home-schooling, biking, working, laundry… everything falls on her plate! Roxanne’s on with us now, and she’s going to talk about her experience as a military wife. Hi, Roxanne!

Roxanne Matammu: Hi Mar! Hi Jewell!

Mariel: Hi! I know it’s like, morning there, currently, in Japan, right?

Roxanne: It is. It’s about… almost 10 o’clock.

Mariel: Oh, nice.

Roxanne: Yeah, it’s early in the day.

Mariel: So, how’s your day going so far? 10 A.M. in Japan – I’m so jealous!

Roxanne: Around this time, I mean, the boys are already at school, so, it’s kind of my “me” time. It’s nice and quiet inside the house. [Laughs]

Mariel: Oh, niiiiice…

Roxanne: It only lasts for a little bit, though. [Laughs] So I take advantage.

Mariel: Right, right. Yes, absolutely! You deserve it! Tell us about your boys! What are they like?

Roxanne: They’re very… they’re very… different! You know? One for example, Rylan, is my oldest, and he loves to talk to anybody. No one is a stranger to him, and he loves, loves being around people. As opposed to my youngest one, who is like the complete opposite. He’s very careful who he talks to. We used to joke around about how he won’t say hi to you unless, you know, you’re in his circle of people that he trusts. So, they are very completely opposite boys, but they… honestly they just, they have their moments! But they’re very, very sweet mama’s boys.

Mariel: Ohhh! You’re so blessed then. [Laughs] So, I’m going to jump right into it, because me and Jewell were just talking about how we don’t think we could be, you know, military wives. But, as I understand, you and Robe were long distance before you got married, right?

Roxanne: Yes, yes. He was early on in his military career, so I know already that if we were to get married, that was a lifestyle change that was going to happen – for me at least! You know, when you marry into the military, you already kind of have an idea of what their job entails, like, in general. When we say military, it’s like, they leave for a certain amount of time, but I don’t think you really know what you get into until you’re actually in it! It’s kind of like when you get married?

Mariel: Oh, just like marriage, yeah.

Roxanne: Yeah!

Jewell: Roxanne, what’s the longest Rob has been deployed?

Roxanne: Oh my goodness. Umm… I was actually thinking about this the other day, and I calculated this last deployment was the longest that he was on. It was slated to be for 6 months only, because it’s just part of the cycle that they go through with his job, but it ended up being almost 8 months. It was short of 8 months by like, 2 weeks, I think.

Mariel and Jewell: Oh wow.

Roxanne: Yeah, so it was unexpectedly extended. But then, the thing is, in the military, that’s…

Mariel: Normal?

Roxanne: … expected for things to be unexpectedly extended for whoever knows how long. There’s just – you never really can guarantee anything that the military says, because it changes constantly. We never know what’s going to happen.

Jewell: You know, we have a lot of military wives listening to this podcast, and I’m sure they can relate to the frustrations, you know? Tell us about a time that Rob was deployed and it was difficult for you? Can you think of examples that you can share with us?

Roxanne: Oh my gosh. There have been so many!

Mariel: [Laughs] She’s like, which one?

Roxanne: We’ve been through natural disasters without him, we’ve been through a tornado without him, we’ve been to a couple ER visits with just me and the boys, and Robs deployed, or he’s on what they call a TDY, which is also kind of like a shorter deployment. Let’s see… oh! I’ve even had our pipes burst in our house while he was gone.

Mariel and Jewell: Nooo…

Roxanne: So, I mean, we’ve gone through a lot of stuff. But, one of the hardest things that we’ve had to go through as a couple, and also for me as a mom, was um – this happened, actually, last year – and… it really, like, it really showed… I felt like it really showed that… Ok, I am a strong mom. I can get through stuff! But, last year, Rob had deployed early October, and maybe just a few weeks later, we were surprised to find out that we were actually pregnant! It was a surprise, definitely a big surprise to us, but it was something that we had been praying for for a long time, so we were happy with the surprise. But, unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t last. We ended up losing the baby, and, mind you, Rob had already deployed. Once they deploy, there’s no way that they would be able to come home unless, you know, there was a death in the family, but when I say death in the family, I mean like, their parents, or the kids, or anything like that. But this wasn’t one that would really validate him to come home. And so, that was hard. Because it was the first time that it had happened to us, you know, and not something that we thought would ever happen to us…

Mariel and Jewell: Yeah…

Roxanne: But just going through the motions of… physically, going through the miscarriage alone, and without him as my support, and at the same time, having to put on a happy face, and a strong face in front of the boys was probably thee hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do.

Mariel and Jewell: Yeah…

Roxanne: For Rob, it was hard for him, too, because he did want to come home, and help, and be there, but he just couldn’t, and it was almost like… ok, this is something I have to [do / go through]

Jewell: Like, he felt helpless

Roxanne: Yeah.

Mariel: So, you know, going through situations like that – not just, you know, the calamities, the tornadoes, but even the moments when you want to lean on someone, and they physically just can’t be there – how does your faith help you, both, get through things together while you’re apart?

Roxanne: Oh my gosh. That… I think that’s the only thing that kept us, you know, strong through… that situation, really, and any situation, because we… we both believe that, you know, God’s not going to give us anything that we can’t handle. And, as long as we trust God, that He’ll help us, that’s really what keeps us strong, you know? And we, as a family, set devotional prayers with the kids, and also, just with the both of us. I think it’s really important to share. You know, we’re praying, we recently started doing this thing where one person prays…

Mariel: Right

Roxanne: But each of us will say, oh, can you pray for this… for me? Or can you add this to the prayer? You know what I mean?

Mariel: Yeah

Roxanne: Because I want them to know [that] each of us have our own things that maybe we think is hard, that we need help with. And hearing it from somebody else in our family, they know that they’re not alone, and we all trust God. That God is going to be the One that is going to get us through it! And so, that’s something that we started doing. But just our faith, I mean, it’s really what keeps us strong, honestly. Through deployments, through anything. This military life, a lot of it [are things] that you cannot control, and so we have to leave everything up to God, you know? If we have to go through something hard, God [wants] us to see that for a reason. And, it’s funny, now that I think about it, that’s something Rob and I always say, like, well, there’s a reason for this, we just need to get through it and keep praying. I feel like we’ve said that, like, a million times! [Laughs] Because of all the things we had to go through!

Everyone: [Laughs]

Mariel: That’s amazing. So, this whole time, you guys don’t miss prayers? Your whole family? Even when he’s deployed?

Roxanne: No.

Mariel: Do you pray together?

Roxanne: Yeah!

Jewell: That is awesome.

Roxanne: He purposely chooses a schedule like that, so that at the end of the day, when the boys are getting ready for bed, he’s also getting ready for bed, and so we have our family prayer together.

Jewell: Awww, I love it!

Roxanne: But, I mean, it’s not always possible, but that’s always what he wants to be able to do, because, you know, being away for that long, it messes with your routines and things. And so, try to do everything we can to keep the routine as is, even though he’s on the other side of the world. We just try to keep the boys in that same routine as much as possible.

Jewell: Well, that’s conscious parenting right there.

Mariel: Right! Yeah. What other tips do you have? [These] are actually good nuggets here. What other tips do you have for other military wives whose husbands are going to leave them for a bit just because of an assignment?

Roxanne: I think the number one thing, you know, is to have your devotional prayer and keep it, you know? Another thing is to always have open communication. Letting them know even the smallest things. Sometimes, I’ll just text him and say oh, I’m eating flaming hot cheetos or something! [Laughs] And then it’s like, you know, just little things, like just keeping the communication open. They want to be a part of your daily life still, you know?

Jewell: Yeah

Mariel: Right

Roxanne: They still want to know what’s going on. And even if it’s like, like I said, the littles things to the biggest things, they want to be a part of it. And, I think, that’s what keeps your family, and your marriage strong, as well.

Mariel and Jewell: Those are great tips

Jewell: I love it, love it! But you know, I mean… I watch you, Roxanne, you’re also on social media with a handle @bravebeautylife!

Roxanne: [Laughs]

Mariel: I love it!

Jewell: And you spread so much positivity about going after your passion, being a conscious parent, and just an all around good Christian! I mean, how did “brave beauty” even come about?

Roxanne: [Laughs] Every woman should feel brave enough to be themselves, and to… like, ok! This is kind of silly, but, it’s like… you know, sometimes [laughs] and it almost seems superficial! But I really believe, really, the way we look and feel really can affect the way we are the rest of the day, you know?

Jewell: Oh yes!

Mariel: Mhmm

Roxanne: Putting on a red lipstick. Most of the time, women won’t put on a red lipstick because they’re worried that, oh that person thinks “oh, that’s too much” you know? Or “it doesn’t look good on her” or, you know, whatever. Those are the kind of things that we kind of tell ourselves, but really, they’re not true! And so, I want women to feel like, it’s ok to try those… that lipstick! Or, it’s ok to try that… um, outfit, or that hairstyle, or whatever.

Mariel: Yeah

Roxanne: It’s ok to be like, hey, I’m going to do it! I’m going to be brave, and I’m going to do it, and feel confident, and try it, you know…

Mariel: I like that!

Roxanne: It started out with that, and then I would tell stories of things that I’ve done that I feel like I hope… hopefully, if I share this story, then more women, or, you know, moms will say, “ok, if she’s a mom, if she can do it, I can do it, too!” You know? Just be brave, and do it beautifully, and feel beautiful doing it. That’s kind of the whole feel behind that. [Laughs]

Mariel: I love it!

Jewell: That’s right, mama! That’s it, I’m going to wear my red lipstick for my Zoom meeting tomorrow!

Mariel: I know! And I saw her feed! She even had a blonde wig! It was so cute!

Everyone: [Laughs]

Roxanne: It’s funny, because those are things that I never would do, but I’m like, you know what? I can do this!

Mariel: Yeah! Beautiful. I love it. You’re such an inspiration! I loved having you on today. I even saw your post today about the quick makeup, and then I did my makeup. [Laughs]

Roxanne: Yay!

Mariel: I know. I had no meetings today, but I was like, you know what…

Roxanne: That makes such a difference, you know? It’s so little, but it makes a difference.

Mariel: You go from no eyebrows, to eyebrows, and conquering the world, so…

Everyone: [Laughs]

Mariel: Yeah. So, you know. We wanted to thank you, because you know, it really is… you’re such an inspiration, you have such a positive outlook on things, um, and you know. So, thank you for being with us today, Roxanne. Hopefully, our listeners can learn a few things from this discussion.

Jewell: And, you know, thank you so much! And I hope all of us can exude brave beauty! I love that!

Mariel: Yeah

Roxanne: Yes!

Jewell: Thank you so much, I hope all of us can exude brave beauty as much as you do. I mean, did I even use that correctly? That’s it, you’re going to start seeing my hashtag: #bravebeauty.

Everyone: [Laughs]

Roxanne: [Laughs] I love it. Thank you so much for having me! It’s nice to have other adults, or, other moms to talk to during the day. [Laughs]

Mariel: I love it. All right, well… Thank you, everyone, for listening to this episode of Faith and Family. If you enjoy listening to us talk, cry, laugh, build each other up, you can download more on Google Podcast, iHeartRadio, and Apple Podcast, under Faith and Family. Please, leave us a review, or just say hi! Take care and stay safe!

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Is Premarital Sex OK?

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Premarital sex has been less stigmatized in modern society, but does that mean majority rules when it comes to God’s people? Is premarital sex a sin?

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[Video starts]

Hai: Premarital sex is so common today. Should that still be a stigma to society?

[Video ends]

Brother Bob Pellien: Thank you so much Hai, for your question.

[On-screen text graphic]

Brother Bob Pellien

Minister of the Gospel

Brother Bob: You’re really right and statistics back you up. What do they show concerning premarital sex? You can see here a couple of facts or statistics about that:

[On-screen text graphics]

By 2010s, 73% of people had 2 or more sexual partners before marriage.

Source: ifstudies.org

Brother Bob: By year 2010s and therein, there was 73% of people [were] reporting that they had had 2 or more sexual partners prior to marriage.

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By 2012, 58% of Americans felt premarital sex wasn’t wrong at all.

Source: reason.com

Brother Bob: By 2012 58% of Americans felt that premarital sex is not wrong at all.

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By the age of 44 – 99% of respondents in a survey had had sex, 95% had done so before marriage.

Source: guttmacher.org

Brother Bob: Those surveyed up to the age of 44, imagine this statistic, 99% of respondents in that survey that had had sex, 95% had done so before marriage. 95%. Well, as these numbers clearly show us, and as you stated, Hai, it is truly a common thing. But then you included in your question that, well, since it is so common, should it still be a stigma or be perceived as something shameful in society? Maybe Hai, as you have posed your question, as many others believe, it should be more tolerated. It should not be viewed as something that is bad or evil or wrong. Well, what are the things that we have to understand about premarital sex?

What is Premarital Sex?

Brother Bob: Firstly, premarital sex is engaging in sexual acts without the sanction of holy matrimony. We have to understand that sex is a privilege that God granted to married people only. It’s not a right which every individual has. So this prerogative then was given by God. Let’s go back to the first couple Adam and Eve and let’s take a look. What was the instruction that God gave to the first couple, the first man and woman. Genesis 1:26, let’s say verse 27 rather and 28, it reads this way:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

[Genesis 1:27-28 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: We should note here, dear friends, that God blessed the first man and first woman He created before—we should note the sequence, the chronological order there—He blessed them before He instructed them to go be fruitful and multiply.

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God blessed the first man and woman before He instructed them to multiply.

Brother Bob: First came the blessing. Sex then is something that is rightfully reserved for couples [that are] bound by that blessing of God, holy matrimony, or marriage.

What the Bible says about fornication and adultery

Brother Bob: Adultery and fornication then are two forms of sexual misconduct which are both reprehensible and detestable before God. Adultery refers to voluntary sexual intercourse by a married person with anyone other than that one’s own spouse. Those who commit adultery will surely be judged by God. In fact, we can read that here in Hebrews 13:4 wherein the Bible says this:

Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

[Hebrews 13:4 Today’s English Version]

Brother Bob: Fornication on the other hand, dear friends, is sexual relations by mutual agreement between two unmarried persons. Nevertheless, all adultery, all fornication is forbidden by God.

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All adultery and fornication is forbidden by God.

Is premarital sex a sin?

Brother Bob: So what then do the Apostles teach to us about premarital sex? What are specific instructions? Apostle Paul, for example, gives important advice to all young people regarding these issues. Let’s take a look at what he had to say about sexual immorality and fleeing from it and the temptations of it. 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 18 and 19 reads this way:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

[1 Corinthians 6:18-19 New International Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Thus the body is meant for the Lord and not for sexual immorality.

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The body is meant for the Lord and not for sexual immorality.

Brother Bob: If we continue in that chapter, Apostle Paul went on giving this advice in verse 13:

…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

[1 Corinthians 6:13 New International Version]

Brother Bob: So this is clearly God’s guidance to young people. What then, dear friends, if a person will refuse to leave or stand their ground strong and simply surrender to sexual immorality and the immoral ways which are truly the norms of the world around us nowadays? Suppose one will say “Ah, never mind that, oh that’s just outdated, that’s old-fashioned.” You know the Bible gives us this in verses 9 and 10. Should we be one who would just take it lightly and easily surrender to all the whims of the flesh, 9 and 10? Same chapter, 1 Corinthians 6:

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

[1 Corinthians 6:9-10 New International Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, it would place one’s eternal life in jeopardy.

Can society decide if premarital sex is immoral?

Brother Bob: The thing that Hai noted when he posed his question was that some will probably consider that these things are– that these laws of God and these commandments, they’re all outdated. Maybe someone would say “Well, you know since it’s done by the majority.” Let’s emphasize that word, majority, and the statistics that we read earlier really attested to that, the majority would consider it just a normal thing and go along with the tide of the times we’re in, the majority of young people will say, “Doesn’t that make it no longer shameful? Doesn’t the sheer numbers prove that it must be OK then?” Let’s take a look at God’s response to that.

[On-screen text graphic]

Who decides what’s right and wrong?

Brother Bob: Can the majority decide what is right and wrong or does God decide? Exodus 23, let’s take a look:

Do not follow the majority when the do wrong or when they give testimony that perverts justice.

Exodus 23:2 Good News Translation

Brother Bob: Dear friends, we cannot then agree to– we cannot find acceptable what the majority is doing if what the majority is doing opposes God’s will for us. For members of the Church Of Christ, we choose God even if we will stand alone in the midst of a majority that is doing what is wrong, and the current state of morality in the world nowadays is surely wrong compared to the truths of God. So in conclusion, let’s also consider what the Lord God said to us through the Apostle John in 1 John chapter 2, dear friends, dear young members of the Church, dear fellow men watching us in this program, together let’s listen to the Lord how he inspired the following writing of Apostle John. 1 John chapter 2, beginning in verse 14, we’ll continue through 17:

I write to you, my children, because you know the Father. I write to you, fathers, because you know him who has existed from the beginning. I write to you, young people, because you are strong; the words of God lives in you, and you have defeated the Evil One. Do not love the world or anything that belongs to the world. If you love the world, you do not love the Father. Everything that belongs to the world- what the sinful self desires, what people see and want, and everything in this world that people are so proud of- none of this comes from the Father; it all comes from the world. The world and everything in it that people desire is passing away; but those who do the will of God live forever.

[1 John 2:14-17 Good News Translation]

Brother Bob: May that be you, receiving the eternal life that God promises to those that choose Him rather than the ways of the majority in the world around us. Thank you Mr. Hai for your question and as we have read, we have read how strong young people are and how you can stand strong and how everyone has been warned against sinful self desires. So at the end of the day we hope that everyone finds the strength to fight the many temptations that surround us and be among those who do the will of God come what may and thus earn a chance to live forever. Why? Because that’s in the Bible.

Thanks for joining us today, and when you are ready to learn even more about the fundamental teachings that are found here inside the Church Of Christ, please visit incmedia.org.

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incmedia.org

Brother Bob: There you’ll find various series of programming. They’re all dedicated to answering your spiritual questions.

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Email: answers@incmedia.org

Brother Bob: Any time you would like to send us a video question of your own, email that question to us here at answers@incmedia.org. Thank you for joining us, we’ll see you again next time on That’s in the Bible.

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