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Category: Prayer

Managing Anxiety As Young Christian Adults

Managing Anxiety As Young Christian Adults

Have you ever wondered, “Where is all this anxiety coming from? How do I handle it all?” If so, tune in now—this episode of Vantage Point is for you!

Follow Vantage Point on Instagram for updates: https://www.instagram.com/vantagepoint.inc/

Vantage Point is brought to you by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ).

Visit https://incmedia.org for more!

Follow us on social media: https://instagram.com/incmedianews/ https://twitter.com/incmedianews https://www.pinterest.com/incmedianews/ Find a congregation near you: http://iglesianicristo.net/directory/ #IglesiaNiCristo (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/iglesianicristo) #incmedianews


Show/Hide Transcript

Vantage Point: MANAGING ANXIETY AS YOUNG CHRISTIAN ADULTS

[Show starts]

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MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello everyone, welcome to Vantage Point where we have honest conversations about the challenges of today, what we face in life and see what the Bible says on how to deal with them. 

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Vantage Point 


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Despite so many changes
Let’s move forward together
This is

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Vantage Point 

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Before our discussion, here’s a recap of things we’ve been through

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Source: NBC News

Breaking News: First U.S. Case of Deadly Mystery Virus Confirmed

Narrator: The first confirmed US case of the contagious coronavirus now in Washington State 

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Source: Global News

Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: We have, therefore, made the assessment that COVID-19 can be characterized as a pandemic

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau: We will be denying entry to Canada to people who are not Canadian citizens or permanent residents.

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Source: The Washington Post

News Reporter #2:  Seeing protesters overcome the police. The police are now running back into the Capitol building.

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Source: City News

News Reporter #3:  Some truckers met with Tory leader Erin O’Toole, Friday. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is in isolation. 

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Source: DW News

Woman: No, mental health is not going good. 

Woman #2: [In German] I have been sad a lot, I must say. 

Woman #3: [In German] I’m lonely, yes, and often very sad. And I can’t really sleep very well anymore either. 

Man: [In German]I know people who actually had suicidal thoughts. 

Anne-Sophie Brandlin: It’s been over a year now that the world has been dealing with COVID-19 and its devastating ramifications.

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Source: BBC News

Man #2: I tested positive for coronavirus on Tuesday. 

Woman #4: I tested positive for coronavirus last week.

Man #2: Learning, it’s been an uphill struggle. There is no in-person contact hours.

Woman #5: These three and a half weeks I’ve been in my flat have felt about three years. 




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Vantage Point 

Brother Felmar Serreno: With me on the show is Natalie Fitzpatrick and JR Dongalen. Nat and JR, your reactions please on the video we just saw.

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GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Natalie Fitzpatrick: It’s heartbreaking to think about how deeply so many lives have been affected throughout this pandemic. How many have lost a loved one, some more and others have suffered from severe illness…

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults


Natalie Fitzpatrick: … and feel this deepening stress or anxiety that comes with all the rising tensions that continue to go up around the whole world.

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CONTENT CREATOR

JR Dongalen
 

JR Dongalen: Nat is right. You know, it leaves you numb and overwhelmed hearing those numbers when you really stop to take it in. I mean, there have been moments where I’ve felt really overwhelmed. You know, it’s another devastating blow that the pandemic has caused in the world. And it’s, you know, a big reason why there’s the decline of our mental health or, you know, a rise in anxiety disorder. 

According to data gathered from January to June 2019. Through the National Health Interview Survey in the United States. 

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Source: cdc.gov/nchs

In 2019, 11% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder. In January 2021, 41% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder. The pandemic has impacted the mental health of Canadians, with youth experiencing the greatest declines. 

Source: www.mentalhealthcommission.ca
“Young people are particularly vulnerable to the disruptions the pandemic has caused, and many are being left behind in education, economic opportunities, health and well-being during a crucial stage of their development. 

JR Dongalen: They saw that 11% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder, that number rose to 41% in January 2021. Statistics show that in Canada, the pandemic has impacted the mental health of Canadians with youth experiencing the greatest declines. Mental health commission.ca says that young people are particularly vulnerable to the disruptions that pandemic has caused, and many are being left behind in education, economic opportunities, health and well being during a crucial stage of their development.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Now let’s talk to someone who knows more about anxiety and mental health. We welcome to the show, Janelle Velo. Hi, Janelle, and welcome to Vantage Point. If you could, please tell us a little bit about yourself and the work that you do.

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Conscious Parenting Coach

Janelle Velo

Janelle Velo: Hi, Brother Felmar, Hi, Nat. Hi, Jr. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me as a guest on Vantage Point. I’m so excited to be here and talking about this topic in particular. 

A little bit about myself, I graduated from the University of British Columbia and then I went on to do post graduate studies under the mentorship of Dr. Shefali. She’s a world renowned psychologist, and I graduated in New York from her Coaching Institute. So now I work in private practice as a conscious coaching practitioner and I work with individuals, couples, families, all who are working through dealing with and healing from childhood and intergenerational trauma.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, thank you for joining us today, Janelle. And congratulations on your achievements and the work that you do and the service that you do, working with families on a regular basis. 

Now, based on your experience, addressing anxieties and families working with youth. Tell us more about the rising anxiety in youth nowadays. Why is this happening?

Janelle Velo: Yeah, well, as we know, peer interaction social groups, this is all a big and critical part of adolescent development. And so with the isolation that’s had to happen during this whole pandemic, we’re seeing not only new anxiety arise in youth…

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Janelle Velo: …but also a triggering and exacerbating of pre-existing underlying emotional, mental health issues, not only with youth as individuals, but maybe in their family home environment that families were dealing with prior to COVID. 

So if we look at anxiety, the root word is from the word “ango,” which means to constrict. And so anxiety is what happens when someone feels who they are, at  their cor,e is not worthy and is not enough. And so they start to disconnect from their authentic self, they start to constrict and suppress their true voice. And then they start to try and become what they think the world wants them to become.

And so we see a lot of youth struggling with outside expectations and pressure coming from their home, from their families, from school, from society at large. And as you can imagine, this is very difficult. And this is a lot of pressure, it’s causing our youth to find it difficult to move forward with confidence and certainty. 

I’ve worked with a lot of young people and without fail, they’ll always say two things to me, one, I don’t know who I am. And two, I don’t know what to do with my life. And so they have this, this fear, and they’re paralyzed, and they don’t know how to move forward and make decisions for themselves, because they’re so inundated with the loud voices and noises of the world around them.

Brother Felmar Serreno: So Janelle, if I may summarize, in simpler terms, if I may, based on your field of study, a lot of the anxiety that the youth are going through, is due to this need to meet expectations from parents, from society, and other institutions, and even needing validation from them. Well, what’s one piece of advice that you could give to anyone, especially the youth, who are listening in on our discussion today?

Janelle Velo: Yeah, to anybody who’s dealing with anxiety right now, what I want you to know is that you are not your anxiety, you are not broken. If anything, your anxiety speaks to the brokenness of this world. Anxiety is a very normal response to all of the abnormal events that are happening on a global scale right now in our world.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, if we can go to you in connection with what Janelle just shared with us about anxiety. Are you seeing this today? Like, based on your personal observation or discussions you’ve had with peers? Do you see this rising anxiety in the youth nowadays?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think one of the big ones, especially, that I talked about a lot with my friends, during the pandemic, or at least when it first started was this huge feeling of cabin fever, you know, a lot of us got confined through lockdown. So we were stuck at home, whether that was by ourselves or with our families, for a much longer period of time than we were originally used to being with them. 

So doing that, and being in that environment, whether you’re working from home studying from home, it just felt like there was so much more attention brought to our habits, or to our mood swings, or you know, not to mention our own flaws, like we get inside our heads about the littlest details. And I felt like that often led to things like feeling irritable, or, you know, suffocated at home. And I think that also probably led to a lot of feelings of anxiety amongst myself and even some of my friends,

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, if you could share with us, what are some strategies that have worked for you, when it comes to dealing with anxiety?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: First off, I think in times when I feel most anxious, I find that breathing becomes a lot harder to just naturally take a breath without thinking about it. So my breath becomes faster, it becomes shallower. What I try to do to, I guess, combat that in a sense, is to take a break and just slow down my breath, you know, maybe let out a really deep sigh to get that stress off my shoulders. 

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Natalie Fitzpatrick: But I think another thing that really also helps me relax and get my mind off of things that are bothering me is just being involved in activities, for example, with CFO of the Christian Family Organizations, being with brethren and other people, having that social environment. And just enjoying time together, that quality time, even doing online fitness activities, or being able to just play games together online, and seeing other people happy. I feel like that energy is sort of contagious. And I really feed off of that. And it helps with, you know, trying to stick through the tough times or whenever it does get a little bit rough. And it feels, in a sense, encouraging.

Janelle Velo: Yeah. And I just want to take a moment to pause there and say that what Natalie mentioned is so very important. Having a safe space where there are people who will accept you unconditionally, who will lend a supportive and helping ear to listen to you without judgment can be so helpful and such a wonderful resource.

JR Dongalen: What I’ve experienced myself, heard from friends and loved ones, you know, especially lately during the pandemic, you know, it stems a lot from, you know, the pandemic, obstructing a lot of future plans, like decreasing social activity, like I can’t go out and see friends, you know, missing out on awesome and fun events that, you know, we’d have on an annual basis. You know, there’s also the fear of getting sick, you know, I caught COVID, twice, actually, you know, losing someone also, you know, the social battles happening all over the world with discrimination, hate crimes, war, social media comparison. I mean, the list goes on and on—that itself leaves me speechless. Sometimes, you know, I mean, it’s been almost two years since they’ve shut down the world. And, you know, the fact that we had a global pandemic, like, we really have to, like sit here, soak that in and kind of reflect,

Brother Felmar Serreno: I wonder who amongst our viewers today, listening in on this discussion, are also feeling the adverse effects of the pandemic. True in several parts of the world, if not majority, restrictions are lifting. But many people are still dealing with the effects that the pandemic has brought into their life. Did you also have to deal with cabin fever? 

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Brother Felmar Serreno: And now there are broken relationships amongst friends, or within the family and we don’t know how to fix it. Or do we feel discouraged,  because like what JR mentioned earlier, those plans or goals that we’ve set, have been put on pause? Or is something else triggering our anxiety, and we don’t know what to do about it? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, then we invite you to take this advice now. It comes from the Bible. I’ll read for you what is stated in the book of James, chapter 1 and the verse is 5, this is what it says,

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. 

[James 1:5 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So if you’re looking for answers to whatever may be triggering your anxiety, what should we do? According to the Bible, turn to God. So, don’t turn to alcohol, or gambling or a mere night out? No, we should turn to God. How can we turn to God? We’re taught, pray to the Father. 

Now why is it that we should turn to God because He loves to help. The Bible says, Now when can we be sure that God will listen to our prayers, and that He will help us? Here’s another Bible verse. In the book of Psalms, the chapter is 28, the verses are 7 and 2, 

The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Listen to my prayer for mercy as I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.  

[Psalm 28:7 & 2 New Living Translation]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So we can be sure that God will listen to our prayers, when we put our trust in Him. How can we be sure that God will help us? The Bible teaches, I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary. The Lord’s sanctuary being referred to here is the place of worship, where God’s chosen ones worship Him. So when we worship God, we pray to Him, and we trust in Him, what will God do for us?  According to the Bible, God will be our strength, He will help us and He will fill our heart with joy. And that’s why we prioritize the worship service.

Now, JR, as a member of the Church Of Christ, and as a young person yourself, what would you say to a fellow brother or sister in the faith, who is striving to break free from their anxieties?

JR Dongalen: You know, I want to put it out there first. You know, whatever you’re experiencing, I hope that you put your faith in God to help you get through this mental, physical or spiritual rut that you’re in. I can’t speak for someone else’s experiences, I can’t say what the right or wrong thing is to do. Or, you know, whatever helped me in the past might help you now—those types of things. 

The main thing I recommend is prayer. Other than that, try dedicating time to things that you love, you know, working out, you know, it’s that’s something that I was able to finally do when, you know, the mandates lifted a little bit and that’s helped me, you know, improve my mental health, you know, writing, drawing, playing video games, self-care. Allow yourself to unwind, you know, take your mind off the struggles of today with your favorite hobbies, you know, following up on our prayer with positive steps towards the things we love. You know, hopefully your anxieties and struggles will slowly fade.

Brother Felmar Serreno:

Well, thank you, Jr, Natalie and Janelle, for joining us in our discussion. We’ll see you all next time.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Give us a thumbs up below if you liked this episode. And don’t forget to tag and follow us @vantagepoint.inc on Instagram for more content. Hit subscribe for future episodes. See you next time!

[Show ends]

Posted in Common Problems, Finding Purpose and Direction, Prayer, Vantage Point, Video

Coping With Loss

Coping With Loss

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one, which is one of life’s unavoidable circumstances? Join the conversation on this episode of “Vantage Point”.

Follow Vantage Point on Instagram for updates: https://www.instagram.com/vantagepoint.inc/

Vantage Point is brought to you by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ). Visit https://incmedia.org for more!

Follow us on social media: https://instagram.com/incmedianews/ https://twitter.com/incmedianews https://www.pinterest.com/incmedianews/ Find a congregation near you: http://iglesianicristo.net/directory/ #IglesiaNiCristo (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/iglesianicristo) #incmedianews


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Vantage Point: Coping with Loss

[Show starts]

Brother Felmar Serreno: There are many questions that can bother a person when we lose a loved one. “Why did he have to die now?” “Will I ever get over this pain?” “She was so young, this can’t be fair.” Coping with loss is the topic of our discussion for today, please join us.

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Vantage Point 


[On-screen text graphic]
Despite so many changes
Let’s move forward together
This is

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

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MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi everyone, welcome to Vantage Point. Before we begin the show, we want to express our sincere condolences to anyone who may be grieving at this time, and we pray that this show can be of help to those who are coping with loss. 

Natalie, have you ever experienced a death in the family that you’d be willing to talk about?


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GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yes, I’ve lost relatives that were close, more so to my parents, specifically on my mom ’s side. My uncle actually contracted COVID-19 in January of 2021, and this was while he was living in California. So, within the week of him contracting COVID, he actually ended up in the ICU shortly after, and then later on passing away. But the last death within my family that I remember more vividly, personally, would be of my great grandmother. 

I was only 4 or 5 years old so I have really, really sweet memories of her being this older lady that always spoiled me whenever we would visit.

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Vantage Point

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Topic
Coping With Loss

Natalie Fitzpatrick: But I still carry her memory with me everyday, and thinking of my friends who have had family or parents or siblings that have passed away unexpectedly or devastatingly, it’s the emotional repercussions that really stick with me, because I often think about, you know, “What if that was my family?” “What if down the road, that’s my mom or my dad, or my brother?” And it’s that, that really sticks with me, and makes me think about what the future holds.  

Brother Felmar Serreno: JR, how about yourself?


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CONTENT CREATOR

JR Dongalen
 

JR Dongalen: During the pandemic as well, just like sister Nat, I had actually lost my aunt in the Philippines due to complications with COVID-19, and other underlying health conditions… I wasn’t really that close with her, but seeing my mom, and obviously their side of the family go through that devastation of finding out what happened.

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Vantage Point

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Topic
Coping With Loss

JR Dongalen: I’ve lost my grandparents in sudden moments, my grandmother on my mom’s side passed away when we were on vacation back in 2008, and my grandfather on my dad’s side passed suddenly years ago. 

I’ve also had close friends pass, people that I’ve spent amazing memories and moments with, and those were just as hard. A friend of mine, we actually graduated highschool together, we were close friends from beginning all the way to the end of highschool, and when I found out later that he passed, that was very difficult.

Brother Felmar Serreno: People say there are generally 5 stages of grieving. We have denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In your opinion JR, which is the hardest stage?


[On-screen text graphic]
Denial
Anger
Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Brother JR Dongalen: Probably acceptance, that’s the toughest part for me. Trying to come to terms with the situation and actually believing that this person is no longer around. In some ways, I’m in a constant internal battle between denial and acceptance, just going back and forth in this cycle. Even in the most heartbreaking situations in my life, I sometimes say to myself, “No way, this didn’t happen!”

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I’d say that like JR, acceptance is probably the most difficult for me too. I feel like denial naturally comes with that resistance to accept, because, like you said, it’s so hard to believe that somebody could suddenly be gone. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Now, while opinions may vary on which stage in the grieving process is hardest, there’s no denying that death can come to any one of us at any given moment. But maybe there are those who are wondering, “Well, why is there death in the first place?” 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s listen to what the Bible says here in the book of Hebrews, chapter 9, and the verse is 27: 


And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this, the judgment,

[Hebrews 9:27 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno:  So why is there death? Because the LORD God made it so. Well, why did God appoint death to man?

Brother Felmar Serreno: This is revealed in Romans, chapter 5, and the verse is 12:

Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned—

[Romans 5:12 , New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So death, or the cessation of our breath is the consequence, or one of the consequences of sin. And as members of the Church Of Christ, we learned in our Bible studies on doctrines, that actually the full payment of sin will be meted out on Judgment Day. 

Now, if any of our viewers would like to learn more about that specific topic, Judgment Day, we invite you to view another one of the Iglesia Ni Cristo’s (Church Of Christ) programs called INC International Edition. On a specific episode they discuss that topic. 


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Topic

Coping With Loss

Brother Felmar Serreno: As for us today, the focus of our discussion is “Coping With Loss”, and what is it that we’ve learned so far based on the Bible? That death, as harsh as it may be, is a reality that we cannot avoid; it’s just a matter of time. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Okay, but, what if someone was to challenge that?because of losing somebody that they love, they feel that God got the timing wrong,

Brother Felmar Serreno: Then, let’s ask the Bible this, Natalie. Are we in a position to question the decisions of our Maker? 

Brother Felmar Serreno: The Bible answers here in the book of Isaiah, chapter 45, the verse is 9:

“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’?

[Isaiah 45:9, New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, based on the Holy Scriptures, no man or woman is in a position to question the decisions of our Maker, Who is the One True God, the Father Who is in heaven. 

Why don’t we try looking at it this way: isn’t it that in our respective country, or state or province or town there are government officials. And for the sake of law and order, isn’t it that decisions are made; regulations are implemented by said officials. From traffic regulations, to public school policies, to laws regarding owning property, or starting up a business. And we do know how to respect those decisions that are made. Well then, all the more we should yield and surrender to the decisions that are made by our Maker: the Almighty God, the One Who created every one of us, as well as everything that is in heaven and on earth. 

JR Dongalen: So, instead of questioning God’s decisions when it comes to life and death Brother Felmar, what should we do?

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Topic

Coping With Loss

Brother Felmar Serreno: I’m glad you asked that question, JR. And, this now is the last Bible verse that we’ll be reading for today. But, before we do, we hope that those who are grieving, would listen well. And we pray that this message would give us hope. It’s found here in the book of Lamentations, chapter 3, verses 28 to 33, and verses 25 to 26:

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way

[Lamentations 3:28-33 The Message]

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.  It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.

[Lamentations 3:25-26 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So when dealing with the loss of a loved one, which feels like, what the Bible said, “is heavy and hard to take”, what should we do? Get angry with God? Complain against Him? No. Instead, the Bible teaches us, “It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.” So God is the One Who can help us to get through the sorrow. 

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God is the One Who can help us to get through sorrow

Brother Felmar Serreno: How can servants of God approach Him for help? The Bible stated, “go off by yourself, enter the silence, bow in prayer.” In other words, we ought to calm down, clear our mind, gather our thoughts, so that we can pray properly to our Almighty God. And if we as members of the Church Of Christ do this sincerely, what can we expect? The Bible promises us, “God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.”


[On-screen text graphic]
God proves to be good 

to the man who passionately waits

to the woman who diligently seeks

Natalie Fitzpatrick: You know, Brother Felmar, hearing that, it reminds me of how important it is to have daily devotional prayers. Just to have that moment of silence, and to really calm down, like you said earlier. That it’s important to have that moment with God to be able to lay it all out when everything is heavy and hard to take. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: And further to what you just mentioned, Natalie, many members of the Church Of Christ even make the extra effort to go to the chapel, or the house of worship to say their prayer there. Even when it isn’t a day of worship service. And this is open to all members of the Church Of Christ. At any time, we can coordinate with the respective minister so that they can open the house of worship for us, and we can also have a personal prayer there—to seek God’s comfort and peace, so that we can get through the trials we may be dealing with, like losing a loved one. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: And this brings us to the end of our show for today, we thank everyone who joined us, and again thank you to Natalie and JR. We’ll see everyone next time! 

[Ending graphic/image]

JR Dongalen: Give us a thumbs up below if you related to today’s episode on coping with loss. Follow us on instagram at @vantagepoint.inc for more content, and before you go, don’t forget to hit that subscribe button in the corner for future episodes. 

Posted in Common Problems, Finding Purpose and Direction, Prayer, Vantage Point, Video

Having a Honeymoon Baby

Having a Honeymoon Baby
https://storage.googleapis.com/incmedia-org-audio/happy-life/2022/HL_2022-01_WEB_OTT_podcast.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | TuneIn | RSS

Thirdy and Bianca, from London, share what their experience has been like adjusting to newlywed life and to the unexpected surprise of welcoming a baby in the first year of marriage.


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Having a Honeymoon Baby

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado:
Being newlyweds is an exciting time in the marriage journey but have you known some newly married friends who found out that they were expecting a wedding night or honeymoon baby soon after marriage too? We’re going to delve into that topic today as we launch season two, so stay tuned.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.


[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: In Season One of Happy Life, we talked about adjustments as newlyweds and the transition from the big day to your new life as husband and wife. Imagine now that one of those adjustments also includes welcoming a baby. And today we have with us Thirdy and Bianca all the way from London. Their wedding was in April of 2021, so another pandemic wedding. Hi, Thirdy and Bianca, and thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, thank you for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, how are you two doing over there in London?

Thirdy & Bianca Magsino: We’re good. We’re good.

Thirdy Magsino: A bit sleep deprived, but we’re good.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s to be expected. So can you tell us a little more about your wedding and you know, your life together immediately afterwards?

Thirdy Magsino: So we got married last year, April 29, 2021. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. So she lives in Hamburg, Germany. And the wedding was on the 29th of April. And shortly afterwards, maybe three days after, she left…

Bianca Magsino: I had to go back

Thirdy Magsino: To go back to Germany to fix some paperwork and to handle some government things for the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow. Like only 3 days?

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was, it was kind of bittersweet. It was like, from the high of the wedding. And then all of a sudden, like the sadness of saying goodbye straight away, like a few days after.

Myrtle Alegado: So you had your wedding, and then you went back to being kind of like an LDR [long distance relationship] couple .

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. But then it wasn’t for too long. Because Thirdy then came to Hamburg to stay with me in June, until August, which was nice. So we’ve got to spend some time in Hamburg as well before I finally moved to the UK in September 2021.

Thirdy Magsino: We always said, looking back, it’s not going to be long, but in the moment.

Bianca Magsino: In the moment, it always feels long.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, well, that’s true. I mean, it was, what, four or five months. So it’s kind of significant, a third of the year or whatnot. So but you know, on our episode today, we’re talking about having a honeymoon baby or expecting a baby in your first year of marriage.

First of all, congratulations to both of you on the recent birth of your baby girl. So when was she born? And what’s her name?

Bianca Magsino: Thank you. She was born on the 19th of January 2022. And her name is…

Thirdy Magsino: Evie Grace Magsino.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s so wonderful, you know, [as] first time parents you must be, as you said, sleep deprived, but at the same time, you’re probably ecstatic that she’s finally arrived.

But you know, when we were looking into discussing this topic, we found that there were pros and cons to becoming pregnant right away after the wedding. You know, for example, some pros are if you’re worried about having problems conceiving, you know, at least you’ll find out right away and you’ll have avoided the question many people ask right after you get married—you know, “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?!”

And on the other hand, some cons are that having a baby means a huge change in your life right away, which also means you won’t really have that time to adjust to one another during the newlywed phase. And also your friends might not be at the same stage as you or, you know, ready to have children of their own. So you might not be able to see your friends as much.

So why don’t you tell me about how you found out about your pregnancy, Bianca, and what it was like?

Bianca Magsino: So I found out when I was back in Germany. It was a month after when I was waiting for that “time of the month” to come. And it wasn’t coming, so I was like “Okay, maybe it’s time for me to actually check” because there is a possibility. And by the time I did check, well it turned out positive. So I was like, “oh, okay,” but maybe it does happen that sometimes it does test positive but you know, a false positive. So I waited another week and then I tested again and it turned out positive again. So I was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m guessing we’re pregnant.”

And yeah, you can really say it is a honeymoon baby because we weren’t really [together not long) after the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Literally a honeymoon baby, because if you left after three days…. [laughs]

Bianca Magsino: And then I waited a bit to tell Thirdy because I wanted to kind of surprise him in a special way and not just tell him on the phone, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” I ended up ordering something online. It was a baby romper that said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Daddy.” And I shipped it to his house. And yeah, I was on the phone when I told him to open the package. He thought it was, because I think it was almost close to our first ‘monthsary’. So 1 month after our…

Thirdy Magsino: Or, two months?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, two months. Yeah, he thought it was a monthsary wedding gift for him.

Thirdy Magsino: What’s this?

Bianca Magsino: And then, yeah, we were on a phone call, on a video call. And then I was like, “Oh, can you open this package?” And that’s how I told him.

Myrtle Alegado: So you were going through all of this, you know, alone by yourself, taking all these tests and whatnot. So wow, that must have been hard to kind of keep under wraps.

Bianca Magsino: It was. It was because we’re usually a couple that tells each other everything straight away. Like something small happens, I [would] already tell him. So it was really difficult for me to keep it a secret. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but I just wanted to tell him in a nice memorable way. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: A special way.

Myrtle Aegado: So, Thirdy, why don’t you share, you know, your version of events on that call?

Thirdy Magsino: Honestly, because usually when she’s hiding something or you know trying to surprise me, there’s a bit of like, you know,

Bianca Magsino: You can kind of tell. 

Thirdy Magsino: Hmmm, something’s going on. But no, she was able to hide it and kind of surprise me fully. And yes, it was like our ‘monthsary’ wedding gift. I was like, “Oh sorry, I didn’t get you anything. And then she told me, “Okay, make sure you record yourself.” And I was on the phone, and then there was one phone recording and one phone on us together, on the video call together. Yeah, so it came in a little, small box. And all of a sudden I opened it and I could barely see it. All I saw was ‘Daddy.’ I was like, “What? What’s this?” I saw her laughing. “What’s this?” And then I lifted it up a bit.

And I was just speechless. Anyone that knows me, I’m never speechless. I talk a lot. I talk a lot, yeah. I could not speak, I was just … I could not… Just thinking about it now, yeah, it’s… for a good like 20 seconds. I was looking at her like and looking back [at it] and I was just like, stunned. And then she said…

Bianca Magsino: I had to speak for him to kind of realize what was happening. I said, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” And that’s when it kind of hit him, I think.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, because, you know, reading ‘I can’t wait to meet you Daddy,’ I was like, “Is this a joke?” Like, is this a joke or like for real? My mouth just dropped. I was… I can’t believe it. That was really like, it was an unbelievable moment. Like, my emotions [were] just like riled up and I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t process anything.  

Myrtle Alegado: So what were, you know, the other emotions that both of you experienced, finding out about the pregnancy?

Bianca Magsino: To be honest, we were not really planning to get pregnant straight away. But we were like, oh, maybe we can wait a year or so. We wanted to travel together and do things together after being in a long distance relationship for so long. But at the same time, we also said that if it happens, it’s God’s will and we will, of course, take it.

The only thing that was a bit difficult was being separated from Thirdy in the beginning, especially right after the wedding, and when I found out I wasn’t physically with him. By the time I was able to speak to him about it, it felt lighter. I wouldn’t call it a burden, but a kind of…

Thirdy Magsino: Like a relief.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, relief of being able to talk to someone about it, instead of just having to keep it to yourself. It was very emotional, I think, also for Thirdy. He already said that he was quite speechless when he found out.

“Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?” That’s what one of our concerns were. And then we were also thinking, “Oh, what if we’re not ready for this?” What if there’s …

Thirdy Magsino: And in the moment, while I was away, you were able to talk to your mom weren’t you? Like, after you told me, you were able to tell her as well, isn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, yeah, yeah, I told my mom after.  A week or two after, I was able to also talk to my mom. And I told her, “I’m pregnant.” She was happy. And that was also some emotional support that I needed and that she was able to give me. Not just my mom, but also my dad. By the time I told them, it just really felt like a big relief on my end, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So how many weeks did you keep it to yourself, Bianca?

Bianca Magsino: I’m not too sure [about] the weeks. Maybe around…

Thirdy Magsino: I think you said it was like two, three weeks wasn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, after I waited for my cycle and it didn’t come. Oh no,  actually, by the time I found out, it was almost three weeks until I told Thirdy.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was almost a month.

Myrtle Alegado: Three weeks, okay, almost a month. Yeah, and it’s such a time where you really want to share it with your spouse, right? So, how did you feel during those times, Bianca, when you’re really trying to keep it a secret, but at the same time, you know, you want to share it? Were you feeling any loneliness, I guess, maybe?

Bianca Magsino: In a way, you can kind of call it loneliness, because, like we said, we share everything. We don’t keep any, we usually don’t keep any secrets from each other. So I really, it’s because it’s also such a big thing. And I wasn’t expecting it. And by the time I saw this positive test, I was like, the first thing that popped into my head was I want to talk to Thirdy about it. I want to share this, because it’s going to be our baby. And keeping it from him, yeah, it kind of made me feel a bit lonely. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Thirdy, you know, what else went through your mind after she finally told you, and you were able to visit her in Hamburg too, right?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s crazy, because you’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid. And then when you are there in the doctor’s [office], and you hear the heartbeat for the first time…

Bianca Magsino: It’s a completely different thing.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s something else.

Bianca Magsino: Like you know about the baby, but then when you hear the heartbeat. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a living being that’s inside you.

Bianca Magsino: That’s when it feels even more real.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I think a lot of parents feel that way where, I mean you know you’re pregnant. But the first time that you hear the heartbeat, it’s like, oh wow. There’s a living being inside you.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: The progression from a little kind of seed to… It’s crazy, those early days, because we just got married. And now we’re expecting a baby. So we’re adjusting to a lot of things.

Bianca Magsino: When it comes to marriage, and then we have another thing to cope with…

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Bianca Magsino: which is pregnancy and parenthood.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it’s a lot to wrap your head around. But hearing the heartbeat for the first time was really, it’s difficult to describe. You really can’t describe it in terms of— that’s your baby. That’s me and you, you know.

Myrtle Alegado: So if you can kind of share, you know, how did you manage all of your emotions? You said there was like a whole jumble of emotions so I’m expecting, you know, fear, happiness, excitement. I guess all of those kinds of things?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a lot. It’s, honestly, [there are] so many things that [run] through your mind, not just in the moment but especially afterwards when you just think, you know, you’re going to be a dad, you’re going to have to help provide, you’re going to have to lead the family, you’re going to have to be a supportive husband, you know. There’s so many things. It’s like you’re scared and happy and kind of like, “How do I do this?” It’s just a lot. It’s just …

Bianca Magsino: Because it’s something you haven’t experienced before.

Thirdy Magsino: Being in charge of someone, like, as they grow up, is something else. It’s completely different to anything that we’ve ever… It feels like we’re not qualified for it, if that makes sense. It’s like, we skipped step three to ten. And then we went straight to it. Like okay, here’s a baby. And that’s, for us, that was just kind of like the overwhelming thing I think, isn’t it?

We’d like to say we’re still relatively young. Some people would laugh, like, some of our younger friends would laugh at that. We’d like to say that we’re relatively young, and it feels like, “We’re allowed to have kids this young?” Because we don’t feel like we’re parents, you know? Yeah, it doesn’t feel like…

Bianca Magsino: We barely felt like Buklod [the group of married brethren of the Church Of Christ within the Christian Family Organizations/CFO].

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, we barely felt like a married couple.

Myrtle Alegado: Right, yeah. I mean, definitely unchartered territory that you’re navigating through, right?

So just how do you deal with a great blessing that is, you know, at the same time, a little bit stressful, and thrusts you into uncertainty or the unknown? I’m looking forward to hearing what the Bible has to say. Here with us again on Happy Life Is Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

Hi there, Brother Felmar, and welcome back to Happy Life, as we start this new season.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello there, everyone. Hello to the Happy Life team. Hello to you, Myrtle. And [it’s] so good that we could all get back together again like this for season two of the podcast. And to start us off, we have Thirdy and Bianca joining us for episode one of season two. And very glad to have you both and congratulations again on your newborn.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Bianca Magsino: Hello.

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, I would first like to respond, at this time, to what was mentioned earlier about the “viewed” pros and cons on becoming pregnant right after getting married. Now, we are not saying here that it is wrong to have an opinion on the matter, or that you should absolutely reject any suggestion that others may give you about getting pregnant in your first year or so of marriage.

But there is a biblical truth to remember when planning, or not, to have a child or when to have a child and how many, in fact. What should we remember? Let me quote for everyone what is written here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 21, in the New International Version, the Bible says:

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

[Proverbs 19:21 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: This is what we should never lose sight of. While we do have the opportunity to make plans, and hear suggestions and weigh the supposed pros and cons of getting pregnant, in the end, in spite of all of our efforts, “it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” So for example, a married couple decides that they do want children right after the wedding. However, it’s not happening. Well, God has a purpose for that. It could be the opposite—husband and wife do not want a honeymoon baby. Rather, they want a couple years first to themselves. They do not want to become parents right away. But that’s not what happens. They do become pregnant sooner than planned. Well, God has a purpose for that, too. And if I’m not mistaken, if I heard it right earlier, for yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, you kind of wanted some time first to yourselves, huh, before becoming parents. Am I right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. We have been in a long distance relationship for so long. So we were like, okay, let’s take this time to, to…

Bianca Magsino: Just enjoy.

Thirdy Magsino: Enjoy our alone time, travel the world.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. A perfect example to what was just mentioned. What ended up happening in reality is different from what they had planned. But the point is, what ends up happening, God has a purpose for that. And when God’s purpose does begin to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We’ll stay here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 3 this time though. We’ll go and read verses five to six. Here in the Message translation, the Bible teaches:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.

[Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: When God’s purpose starts to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We need to trust Him. How should we trust God? The Bible states, “from the bottom of your heart.” What else does the Bible mean when it teaches us to trust God? “Don’t try to figure out everything on your own,” the Bible says. So in the case of newlyweds having a baby right away, or not—whatever the outcome, we ought to recognize that that is God’s purpose. That’s His plan for us, and we must trust Him, even if what ended up happening is different from what we originally hoped or planned.

But maybe some are thinking right now, and maybe it’s something that has crossed your mind, Thirdy and Bianca—how can you be sure that you will succeed down this path that God has purposed for you, when originally that’s not what you had planned? So, how can you be sure that you will succeed on something that you originally didn’t plan? That’s why the Bible stated, right, “Listen for God’s voice in everything you do. He’s the one who will keep you on track.”

So it may be something different from what was originally planned. But if we’re listening to God’s voice, He will teach us how to adapt. He will teach us how to get through it, to be successful down this path that He has purposed for us. “Listening for God’s voice,” what is the equivalent of that? If we read the same verse, in the New King James Version, it’s equivalent to acknowledging or recognizing God. And Thirdy, if I can ask you very quickly, what is one way that we prove to God that we do acknowledge or recognize Him?

Thirdy Magsino: Brother Felmar, one way we recognize God is by praying to Him at all times.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Correct, exactly—prayer. So devotional prayer is crucial, especially if you are pregnant and expecting an additional member of the family. We need the Lord God to continue to guide our every decision we make for the well-being and security of our family. And what should we never forget about raising a family? Let me read for you from I Timothy, this time chapter 5, verse 8, here in the Revised Standard Version:

If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

[I Timothy 5:8 Revised Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on this biblical truth, the Lord God holds parents responsible to provide for their own family. Thus, what are some guiding questions to consider when you’re expecting a child, particularly if this is your first child?

So, here are some guiding questions. Number one: have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? I’ll say it again. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? So what are things to consider? Hospital bills, present and upcoming gas bills for all of those back and forth checkups, budget for diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, baby bottles, you know, everything baby, right?

For yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, praise be to God your daughter has already been born, right. But prior to, did you also experience, you know, these bills and expenses just, you know, coming left and right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Well, here in the UK, it’s not too much of a problem regarding hospital bills, but one thing that we had to consider is the baby room. Like it’s a lot. It’s a lot to consider. We never expected it to be that much actually.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And going into it, Bianca, did you talk with Thirdy? Like, did you work out a plan? Was it helpful to have a plan going into this?

Bianca Magsino: We weren’t sure what to expect. We did end up talking about it. In our situation, Thirdy is responsible for the finances, so I leave it all up to him.

Brother Felmar Serreno: I see. Okay, well, if that is how you communicated with each other for your situation, then that works as well, right? It’s important that husband and wife communicate.

The point is though this is a guiding question, generally speaking, for everyone who’s going into pregnancy, expecting a child, especially if it’s their first one. It does help to be prepared by having a plan for those expenses or financial concerns.

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right, so here’s another guiding question for those who are expecting a child. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for household chores and other important routine activities? Obviously, as the pregnancy progresses, there are many things your respective wife will not be able to do. And that includes also after the baby has been born. So, husbands out there who are expecting a child, or your wife is currently pregnant, or has recently given birth, right, we really need to brace ourselves. Because as a loving and responsible husband, you will take on most, if not all, of the housework, while earning a living, and while tending to your wife and your unborn child or newborn child, as the case may be.

So, you know side note, you are really fortunate and express your gratitude if your parents and relatives are around and they’re willing to help, right? But with or without that extra help, husband and wife ought to work out a plan for things like doing the laundry, taking out the trash, staying on top of important dates like paying the rent on time. You don’t want to forget that, right? What else? Renewing things like your car insurance. But as members of the Church Of Christ, above all, let’s stay on top of our spiritual obligations and deadlines, such as preparing for the worship service ahead of time, marking our calendar for the upcoming committee prayer meetings or CFO (Christian Family Organization) activities, setting aside for our Thanksgiving, finding ways to attend Bible studies and share our faith.

So regardless of how busy life gets, we must never lose sight of accomplishing these Bible-based doctrines of ours, and all the others. Why? Because even more important than providing the material is providing the spiritual needs of our family. And what does it mean to God when that is the order of our priorities? It means that we do trust Him with all of our heart. And for that, what will God do for us again? He will keep us on the right track.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you, Brother Felmar, for joining us again here on Happy Life and for sharing the biblical advice that always provides us with insight and clarity, and also for those probing questions to really help expectant parents to prepare. Now before you go, Bianca and Thirdy, do you have anything further you’d like to ask?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Myrtle. We were wondering, Brother Felmar, we’d just like some advice on balancing our relationship on being new parents.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Ah, okay, okay. Married life is an adjustment. Having a child is an adjustment in itself, right. So all of these adjustments happening, which is why to answer your question, we did the series on communication in season one, because to maintain that balance and harmony within the relationship of a married couple—communication is huge. Communication is big. So, hopefully you can have a chance to review those episodes. And in those episodes, we hear from married couples, their experiences and what helped them, as well as, again, Bible-based advice, right? Because nothing beats Bible-based advice—God’s counsel, His guidance—so that our marriage will work and will be harmonious, and we’ll have that balance, like you said, every day.

In that series on communication, we touched topics like how do you handle disagreements, expectations, [and] making decisions. So those things and more were discussed in season one, so I’m not going to, you know, go over everything right now all over again. It would take a lot of time up. The point is—communication is big.

And just as a side note to that, in my humble opinion and based on experience, and also working with other married couples, you know, sometimes the imbalance in the relationship, sometimes it stems from something as simple as you just both need a break. Sometimes it’s as simple as that—you just both need a break. So, as a side note, a suggestion would be [to] try to have an outlet. Try to have an outlet, a personal outlet, and an outlet that you do together as husband and wife.

Like for others, you know, the personal outlet of the husband could be, you know, just having time alone to read a book at a coffee shop, you know, just to reset the stress levels, you know, kind of to do that. Or for the wife, it could be, you know, to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, right? Get some fresh air in your lungs.

And an outlet that can be done together is to maybe watch a movie together, right, have a good laugh, you know, just to get your mind off of things. Again, reset those stress levels and then go back together again, you know, to tackle the problems of life, right. But again, that’s just something on the side that, you know, we can share. Number one, always, is the Bible-based guidance we receive, communicating with God. We also touched on those things in season one on that series on communication. So hopefully, does that answer your question, Thirdy and Bianca?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Brother Felmar Serreno: If you don’t mind me asking, do you have something like that, like an outlet that you do, together?

Thirdy Magsino: We used to watch movies together, Brother Felmar. We used to have like this little tiny projector screen and used to try and project on the screen, on the wall of our bed. But right now, we haven’t had the chance to have any [time] I think.

Bianca Magsino: The focus is on the baby, right now.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, the only time we’ve ever had any relaxed time is just walking around the house, in the garden or something.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, that’s the thing. At least you have that right? You know, because the way I see it, if you don’t make kind of like the extra effort to pinpoint, you know, just really set it in stone—on this day, at this time, we’re going to unwind. You know, let’s get some time for ourselves, let’s get a break, reset, so that we can keep going, right? So, yeah, it helps to have an outlet. So thanks for sharing that as well, and hopefully it’s of help too, to all the listeners out there.

Myrtle Alegado: Thanks again, Brother Felmar, and we’ll see you next time on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you, everybody. Bye for now.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy and Bianca, if I can just add my two cents to a little bit of advice on  maybe finding that balance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everybody needs help. So if you’re fortunate enough to have family and friends who are willing to maybe watch the baby for an hour, take the time to have that quality time together so that you can continue to build on your own relationship while you also adjust to becoming new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: To be honest, that is one of our difficulties I think, to reach out for help. There’s so many people offering their advice right now, but we’re still yet to take their offer. We’re trying.

Bianca Magsino: We’re trying, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I know it’s hard. It’s hard to let go because, you know, she is your first baby and you’re new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, we were fortunate enough to have our family help us in…

Bianca Magsino: The first couple of weeks.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. Her family actually came here a few weeks ago to help with the baby and to meet their grandkids, which was really beautiful, beautiful memories.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy, you know when we chatted before you said when you first heard the news during that video call, you asked Bianca to pray together. Can you share what your prayer was about?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. It was really unexpected, like what we mentioned earlier. So, the prayer was mainly just from the heart. We’re just so thankful, we’re so thankful. It was a prayer of thanks and a prayer to ask for help, for the solution, you know, because we don’t know how to be good parents. But through prayers, we always ask [to] help us to be a good example, to give us the solutions. Because in the prayer, I said something along the lines of we know that this is a blessing, but we know that there’ll be many tests that we’ll encounter along the way. But whatever the tests may be, help us to pass them. Help us to overcome them and to learn from those tests.

Yes, having a baby, for us, is really, really an amazing thing. But we’re overthinkers, both of us, and we worry a lot. You know, that’s one thing that we would like to improve in ourselves. But that’s one thing that I mentioned in the prayer [to] help us to always be thankful, no matter the situation, circumstance. And even until now we pray for the same things.

Bianca Magsino: Always with a thankful heart.

Thirdy Magsino: Always, no matter [the] difficulty, no matter the circumstance. I think that’s a difficult thing, just having a positive outlook in any situation. Because right now, currently—praise be to God—the baby, Evie, is perfectly healthy and we’re thankful. It was just overwhelming thanks and just non-stop crying.

Bianca Magsino: It’s a blessing.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww, well you know thank you for sharing all that with us. But you know, what are your biggest worries as you dive into parenthood, and how has the adjustment been to this new chapter in your life?

Bianca Magsino: In the beginning, it was or still is very scary. Because, yeah, we’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before. We don’t know how to raise a child. We don’t know how to, yeah, just take care of her, do things. I mean, you can only read as much online about how to parent but at the end of the day, you have to figure it out on your own, like how to be able to take care of this baby, or of Evie. And of course, with prayer, that’s really one of the things that is helping us the most on how to be able to cope with everything that we’re experiencing right now. But yeah, it’s just crazy. Because when you think about it, you have to… this isn’t just like a one month thing and then you can kind of say, “Okay, I don’t want this anymore.” But you have to raise this child until they’re old enough to be able to stand on their own.

Thirdy Magsino: Even after.

Bianca Magsino: Or even after. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think it stops honestly. Yeah, there’s no handbook that says, “Okay, at this stage you do this, at this stage you do this, right? You’re always learning as well, right? Because when they become parents, I think you still continue to parent your own children.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. We can tell from our parents.

Myrtle Alegado: So you know, how do you get past all the worries and the fears that you have?

Thirdy Magsino: Just a matter of accepting what’s been given to us, good and bad. So whatever God’s plan is for us, it helps us get past the worries and fears I guess. Because if you kind of go against it, if you’re really negative towards a certain situation, it kind of feeds into the worry and fear even more.

Bianca Magsino: It makes it worse.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it makes it a lot worse, rather than if you just accept it in the moment, it makes it better and you know that you’re following God’s plan. And that’s what we continue to pray for, to have that characteristic—to help us to follow whatever His plan may be for us, whatever it may be. And because at the end of the day, God always knows what’s best for us. He’s always given us and allowed us to have the best in this life. Whatever it might be, it’s always been for the best.

Bianca Magsino: And it’s also easier to manage those day-to-day challenges we experience when we have this positive outlook.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, yes, we do that everyday now. We, at the end of the day, we try to [ask] “what three things are you most grateful for today?” Even if it’s a small thing, like, oh, we got to eat lunch together.

Bianca Magsino: We were able to take a nap.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, those simple little things really are, you get to appreciate [them] even more.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, no, those are great. You know, that’s a great mindset, and to be able to have those affirmations at the end of the day, it changes how you look at things in a more positive light. What are your hopes, and what are you looking forward to now?

Bianca Magsino: We are looking forward to seeing how she will develop her own personality. We kind of see some of our own traits in her. Like it’s the small things, like the way she sleeps, for example. She has some favorite positions that kind of remind me of Thirdy’s sleeping positions, and that’s kind of cute to see, like she really is a mix of the two of us. And we’re excited to also see her grow even more.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Also another thing for us is we’re really excited for her to be an active member of the Church, you know, for her to be strong in the faith.

Bianca Magsino: Definitely.

Thirdy Magsino: For us that’s going to be one of the main things that really, we’re so excited to see, to perform [our church duties] with her. Imagine that, the first time she’s in the choir loft, or you know, whatever her duty will be in the future, and all of us are performing together. That’s the goal.

Bianca Magsino: That’s the dream.

Thirdy Magsino: That’s the dream. That’s the dream.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I’m sure, you know, with all of your prayers and the support system you have in your family and friends, I have no doubt you two will be great parents. So, you know, congratulations again, and thank you for sharing your experiences and your emotions that you went through here with us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much, Myrtle.

Bianca Magsino: Thank you.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much for talking to us and having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, that was really nice.

Myrtle Alegado: Well give a little Evie hug from Auntie Myrtle.

Thirdy Magsino: We will, after she wakes up.

Bianca Magsino: Will do, after she wakes up.

Myrtle Alegado: Becoming parents in the first year of marriage sounds daunting, but we hope the discussion that we had today provided some comfort for those newlyweds who are currently expecting. Remember to lean on your friends and family and most of all, trust God.

And that brings us to the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi, send us a question or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Relationships, Happy Life, Happy Life, Prayer

Helping Grandma Remember with Music

Helping Grandma Remember with Music

When Nydel’s grandmother is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Nydel turns to prayer and music during the tough times and has a deeper appreciation for INC music


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Helping Grandma Remember with Music

[Show starts] 

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FAITH SPEAKS 

STORIES WITH PURPOSE

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HELPING GRANDMA REMEMBER WITH MUSIC
NYDEL IBARRA 

Nydel Ibarra: It was the middle of the night during a family vacation, and my uncle woke up to the sound of banging at the door. Well, when he opened the door, it was my grandmother, and she said, “I don’t remember going outside or how I got here. I don’t remember.” 

Something was obviously wrong with Grandma. 

Well, a year later, I noticed she would mistake the days of the week. She dressed for worship on days [when] there was no worship service. And then we noticed she would forget to eat and drink. And eventually she started forgetting who we were… because of Alzheimer’s.

Seeing grandma like that, it was… it was devastating. She wasn’t herself anymore. She was grumpy and lost all the time. I missed how she was before – confident and content. 

My grandmother, she’s one of my heroes, though. She always had one piece of advice for me. It’s okay to be sad, anak (child). Don’t worry! Magtiwala ka sa Diyos (You should trust God). Siya na ang bahala si iyo (He will take care of you). Just pray and trust in God because in the end, in the end… God is Good. God is good. 

Her faith inspired me so much. She was also the one who inspired me to play the organ. 

You know, growing up, my grandmother, she was like my second mom. So, I called her Mama. To this day, I still call her Mama. And as a kid, I remember I could hear her play worship service hymns on the piano, and the house would be filled with soulful music. She played so beautifully. She knew it too. To encourage me to practice, though, she knew she would have to tease me and say that I couldn’t play as well as her. You can’t play as well as me. She was kind of right. I wasn’t [as] good as her. I wasn’t as good as her – let me emphasize that. But, you know, she inspired me. I wanted to be just like her. 

Fun fact, Mama was an organist back in the Philippines. She told me how she would travel very far distances to perform in different local congregations, and how much she absolutely loved it. She loved it so much she wouldn’t stop talking about it. 

You know, I grew to love the organ, too. It’s kind of like “our thing” and it was a way for me to ease my anxiety. 

Playing makes me feel joyful. In times of happiness, sadness, confusion, or a need for inspiration – the organ is always where I want to be. You know, if you notice the hymns in the Church Of Christ, it expresses exactly how I feel. It teaches me how I can handle life’s heaviest troubles. And the hymns provides the exact words I would want to say [in] my prayers to God. 

And in one of my prayers, I ask God [to] make Mama strong, make her content, to lift her up when she’s down, and to help her to always remember Your goodness and Your love. 

And as time went on, I decided to finally purchase my own (used) Johannes organ so I could sharpen my skills at home. Buying this, I knew this would benefit me and my faith, and that was it. That’s all I really thought about. But it actually made an impact on Mama as well. I started to see that she was more of herself when she would hear the music coming from that organ that we just got. The worship services and even the INC Concerts. The INC Concerts… it was always a great time. She loves INC Concerts. All of a sudden, her face lights up every single time. I’ve never seen her happier. And I realized this organ was not a blessing just for me, it was a blessing for the both of us. 

I was so much more inspired to be a good organist because it was my way of thanking God for the gift of having a Mama stay present, and because I love this duty – we love this duty.

You know, it reminds me of a worship service led by our Brother Eduardo Manalo. He mentioned something about how when we get older, we might start to forget things. Right? But one thing he noticed… one thing he noticed was that the parents, the grandparents in the Church Of Christ, they never forget their duties. They never forget their duties. They will always remember to wear their Church uniform for worship services. And that’s what Mama did. She never forgot. I pray that when I get older, I will never forget that, too. 

I like to think that I now play as well as Mama did – probably not [laughs] … and while she sometimes forgets who we are, or what my name is, she remembers her love for music and how great God is. And it’s in those moments we are filled with gratitude for the time we have together and for the duty God has blessed us with. 

You know, Mama was right. It’s okay to be sad, but pray and trust a God because God is and will always be good. 

Thank you.

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INC Media Services 

© All Rights Reserved 2022 

[Show ends] 

Posted in Christian Living, Faith Speaks, Prayer, Video

On Being A Nurse During A Pandemic

On Being A Nurse During A Pandemic
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Meet Warren and RJ, both ICU nurses from the opposite sides of the country. Warren, who’s been a New York nurse for 20 years, talks with RJ from Los Angeles who became a nurse shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Both men talk candidly about how being on the frontlines has changed them as nurses and as people, along with the frightening reality when the patient is a family member. They also share the one thing they both do regularly to help them cope with the tragedies they witness on a regular basis.

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On Being Nurses During A Pandemic

RJ Dela Cruz: I got into this field because I wanted to help. You know, I was an accountant before, and I really was looking for that part of myself to help someone in the time of need and..

Aliw Pablo: Meet RJ, a surgical ICU nurse from Los Angeles, who made a career change and found himself in a new field at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.

RJ Dela Cruz: I feel like the nursing school, it prepared you for the boards, but you know, once you get out onto the field, I felt like I was a deer in headlights, my first few shifts.

Warren Sabino: Oh, trust me. Yeah, I’m surprised that I did become a Nurse.

Aliw Pablo: RJ talks with Warren, a cardiac ICU nurse in New York with 20 years of experience and shares some advice on how to get through tough days in the nursing field.

Warren Sabino: You know, I remember one of the older nurses who retired already, they used to tell us, “Don’t take any of these things home with you.” I pray multiple times before my shift, during my shift, and then after my shift.  It’s just one of the ways that helps me cope.

[Show Open]

Aliw Pablo: Welcome to Making Changes, I’m your host, Aliw Garcia Pablo. On today’s episode, we’ll hear from RJ and Warren, two nurses from the opposite sides of the country. At the time of this recording, we were in the middle of the second surge of the pandemic here in California. They’ll talk about the challenges and changes this pandemic has brought to the lives of nurses but also the frightening reality of what happens when the patient is your child.  We’ll be flies on the wall as we listen to what helps them cope, seeing the frailties of life each and every day, for the sake of helping others. Let’s listen in.

RJ Dela Cruz: Hey, Warren, it’s really nice to meet you. You know, they always say that no one knows what you’re going through when you’re a nurse, except for another nurse.

Warren Sabino: Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you and to talk to you RJ, as well. I know, being a nurse definitely is stressful, but also rewarding. But I’m glad to talk to a male nurse as well.

RJ Dela Cruz: I feel like they’re seeking out male nurses now. In my cohort, because I’ve only been a nurse for about a year and a half. So fairly new. 

Warren Sabino: You’re a baby.

RJ Dela Cruz: I want to be as experienced as you one day. I wanted to ask you, Warren. So I was wondering how it is in New York right now?  How is the state of the pandemic?

Warren Sabino: As you know, like when the pandemic hit, New York was one of the first cities that really got affected by it. And, you know, we were really suffering for those first few months. And at that time, we didn’t really know what to expect. So it was really kind of nerve wracking, you know, I never, in my 20 years of experience, ever experienced something as serious as this virus.

RJ Dela Cruz: Just looking in, in the beginning from California. I have to admit, I was kind of skeptical. I was thinking, what most people thought. Oh, it’s just a really bad case of the flu. And then, when you actually see your first COVID patient, it opens up your eyes, you know.  You don’t understand the severity of it until you see it in person. 

In the beginning, we changed my unit. I’m a surgical ICU nurse, and we changed our unit to a COVID unit. And we changed it for about maybe three, four months in the beginning. And then our cases went down. So we converted back to a surgical ICU. And then the second wave came. Did your years of experience as a nurse, did it prepare you at all for something like this?

Warren Sabino: Well, I mean, I think when it comes to this pandemic, I think no amount of experience can prepare you for something like this. You know, I’ve seen things and done things that I never thought I would do as a nurse. And you’re used to being in pressure, stress, high stress situations, as well, I’m also a cardiac ICU nurse. You know, your experience does prepare you for but because of how unique this situation is, how we have to gown up and take the necessary precautions to protect ourselves first. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yes.

Warren Sabino:  You know, that was a change, like, when you’re an ICU nurse, a lot of  time is very important. And, you know,  especially when patients are not doing well, minutes, seconds are very valuable to have to stop and gown up and take that time away, and to take care of these patients who were really, really sick. I mean, it was, it was definitely a change and a different experience as a nurse. You know, our unit can only hold 20 patients, but when it was at the height of the pandemic, we were doubling people in rooms,

RJ Dela Cruz: Wow.

Warren Sabino: If you see this picture is unbelievable, because in the hallways, you see all these IV poles with multiple IV pumps flooding the hallways.  We’re like the nurses are all over the place. You know, when you see how crazy and how busy… I mean, when I look at it now, now that it’s a little calm down here in New York, I just kept like, all of us are like, well, I can’t believe that we went down that whole thing.

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah, I think we kind of did the same. Or we’d have the IV tubing and everything extensions. Outside of the room. We also had the vents outside of the room at one point, or they were extended outside. So that was new. 

Warren Sabino: Wow.

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah, so I don’t know. Like you said, now you look back at it. It’s like, how did we do that? Yeah, how do we manage that? But we did.

Warren Sabino: Well, it can be overwhelming. But you know, you go through it. But someone who’s just starting out with only a year and a half of experience. And I couldn’t even imagine how they must have been feeling or dealing with it. Because like you said in LA it’s one of the hardest hit right now. How are you handling things over there?

RJ Dela Cruz: You know, it’s been tough as a new nurse, but you have to realize what, or why you got into this field, you know. I got into this field, because I wanted to help. You know, I was an accountant before, and I felt like I wasn’t helping anyone. And I really was looking for that, that part of myself to help someone in the time of need. And I felt that this profession really does that, especially now because this pandemic, you can’t, your family can’t even be in the room with you.  You have iPads, you have FaceTime, you have, actually like zoom meetings with family members who can’t be in the hospital and you’re like, the patient’s family. And it’s been pretty tough. But to that point, I feel that I’m able  to stay afloat by our faith and our family. I guess in a way it was good that I’m new, cause I don’t know what normal is as a nurse yet. So, it’s like throwing someone that doesn’t know any better.

Warren Sabino: That’s a great way of looking at things actually. I never thought of it that way. I mean, like, being new to get that experience.

RJ Dela Cruz: It was pretty hard. In the beginning starting as a fresh nurse in the ICU. Actually, the cases in California are slowing down. And now that I’m gaining patients that are non-COVID, it’s kind of weird, surreal, because, like you said, the putting on the protective equipment and the mask and the gowns, and now that I walk into a patient’s room, that’s not a COVID patient without all that stuff…

Warren Sabino: Right.

RJ Dela Cruz: I feel strange. I feel like am I protected? Am I doing this right?

Warren Sabino: I totally agree. I mean, even after this whole pandemic is done, we’re all talking about it at work,  it kind of changed. I can’t imagine taking care of patients without a mask and a shield. It might not be COVID, in the future who knows what other, I mean, I don’t want to think that way but, you know, it’ll change the way we take care of patients. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yes. 

Warren Sabino: Who knows what else will be there?

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah, I don’t know about you but before COVID hit, I hated wearing a mask in a patient’s room. Even in the hospital, I hated wearing a mask. But now I feel like I need to.

Warren Sabino: Totally. I mean, sometimes I would do things not patient care, but things in a room without gloves. Now, I can’t even imagine, like not putting on gloves the moment you walk in a room now. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah.

Warren Sabino:  Going back actually, if you don’t mind me asking if we can just for a second. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah. 

Warren Sabino: You said earlier that you were an accountant before? 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yes. 

Warren Sabino: Then you went into nursing. And so how did that happen? How did you become a nurse from being an accountant? I know, you said, you wanted to help people. But how did it become nursing?

RJ Dela Cruz:  You know, I’ve always had this interest in the medical field. But I was stubborn about… Let’s face it, Warren, there’s a stereotype about Filipinos being nurses. And I was so stubborn about that. I was like, I don’t want to fall into that stereotype. I resisted it for so long. But I was stuck, I felt stuck in Accounting. So jobs were being sent overseas and I have a family. You know, honestly, it’s been a blessing, because probably a lot of people during this pandemic have been laid off. And I feel like I probably would have been laid off. If I didn’t become a nurse at this time. Yeah, it’s a blessing.

Warren Sabino: I agree. More than ever. At this time, it’s a good career choice, RJ.

RJ Dela Cruz: There’s no turning back now, Warren. 

Warren Sabino: I know.

RJ Dela Cruz: Honestly, we’re both in ICU and for me, there was one point where I would come into work, and there would be a patient who would just pass away every shift. And that was tough. I was taking care of this patient for at least three weeks. And that was my patient for every shift. Because the family requested me. And in the end, he passed. That really affected me. And it’s so hard to think about this now, because the family was so grateful. They even wrote me a nice letter and saying, thank you for just being there when we couldn’t because of all that COVID stuff.

Warren Sabino: I don’t know, I don’t think you can ever get used to someone dying on  your shift. You know, there are those situations where you kind of know there’s not much you can do anymore for patients. You know, I remember one of the older nurses who retired already. They used to tell us, “Don’t take any of these things home with you.” Like any of these, like when it comes to… don’t let it weigh you down.  If you can save someone’s life, you’re trained to do that. Just trust in what you’ve learned. And what I do is I always just pray every…I pray multiple times before my shift, during my shift, and then after my shift. It’s just one of the ways that helps me cope with kind of experiencing all that and not letting it affect me to the point where it affects who I am and what I do.

RJ Dela Cruz: You see these COVID patients, a lot of them personally, the ones that we see, they don’t have anything really wrong with them, except for COVID. COVID is real. It doesn’t discriminate against anyone. We get patients who are young, and they’re in their early 20s, you know?

Warren Sabino: Actually, in the beginning, my son actually was affected. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Wow!

Warren Sabino:  My youngest son, yeah, he was 12 at the time. He came down with a fever. And of course, at that time it’s alarming because that’s one of the biggest symptoms that you have to look out for. So when it happened, I was just like, we were kind of hoping it was just something—nothing too serious. It was just like, maybe just, like a 24 hour thing, it’d go away. And then my wife called me in the middle of my shift, I went to work. And she’s like, “He has a 104 fever.” And I was like, “What?”  You know, obviously I was kind of nervous about it. Because we’re in the middle of [a] pandemic. So, everyone in the hospital has COVID and no one wanted to spread it. So they told you know, don’t go if you can handle the symptoms at home. And he was my son, I can tell he was getting like when he sleeps, his breathing was labored. And he was just so tired. And he couldn’t even walk to the bathroom. Or if he did, he’d be so tired. If so we finally brought him in. And then the doctor,  they took some blood and they couldn’t get a blood pressure on him. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Wow.

Warren Sabino: They were like, yeah, they were like, he doesn’t look good. I think we’re gonna send him to the ER. So he would stare me blank in the face. And he was like, “Dad, I can’t see.” And I was like,”What?” I was like, yeah, so then I was like, “Okay, sit down.” We had to [lay] him down.  We had to call an ambulance to get him to the hospital, just to the hospital. But all I could do in my mind was pray. 

I was praying so hard. When we got to the ER, in the Emergency Room and then all of a sudden they asked to, they wanted to get his weight. So they stood him up. They couldn’t get a blood pressure at all. And then they were like, you know what, “Sit back down.” And then they finally got one that was like 60 over 40, 30. And then all of a sudden, they called like a mini code. So then all of these doctors and all these nurses start rushing in. And of course, I’m from the ICU, of course I know what’s going on. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah. 

Warren Sabino: And I know what they’re about to do. But then, you know, my son just looked at me and I just looked at him, I just I go, “you’re fine.”  I was like, “they’re just gonna give you some medicine, you’ll be fine.” I just kept looking at all like maybe like five or six people were putting on IVs, giving him fluid, giving him… putting monitors on him. And then when it really hit me, they started bringing the intubation tray in and central line placement kits, all those things that you do when you get into an emergency and I was just like, “Please God.” Like, “please.” But he was a trooper, he would just look at me, I just [looked] at him. He never lost consciousness. He was just kind of, I guess, a little nervous. But I would just say, “Oh, you’re fine. No, you’ll be fine. No worries.” Finally, they took us up to the pediatric ICU, I guess during that time, they seemed like kids that were having, not COVID, but I guess they were labeling it the Kawasaki disease? 

RJ Dela Cruz: Oh, yeah. 

Warren Sabino: Cause it was like presenting like that. But I think now they named it, what is it?  The Multi-system Inflammatory Syndrome. But after a few hours, he made a quick turnaround.  During that whole time the only thing other than that we can think of to do was to pray like I, you know, we would call some of our ministers. And I [called] every minister I can call. 

RJ Dela Cruz: Yeah. 

Warren Sabino: Because when it comes to us, that’s the real solution, the real solution, the real treatment for us. So, I had like multiple prayers and only after a few hours, he recovered quickly. Yeah, all his medicine, they were able to go down. Like, I think we were probably in the ICU a total of two days.

RJ Dela Cruz: Wow.

Warren Sabino: And our doctor and his cardiologist are all like, “wow, like, it seems like he never even had it.” Like, he’s great. He’s doing well, and there’s no restrictions. Like, he’s doing well. Thank God, that was probably the scariest thing that ever happened to me in my life—it’s because of that. You know, it’s just different. It’s so different when it’s your own family. As nurses we know how to take care of these patients, we know what to do. But when it’s your own family, it’s just a different experience. Like, it’s unbelievable.

RJ Dela Cruz: When it hits close to home like that, you feel a little helpless and you just got to trust in your faith in God and just keep praying.

Warren Sabino: Totally. I mean, if it’s just, you know, God has always been good. And, I really believe that He was there for him and for our family, because even with, like, when it comes to myself,  I mean, I’ve been exposed. I mean, not exposed but dealing with COVID patients so closely, though, these almost a year, not lucky, but just blessed to be…

RJ Dela Cruz: Exactly.

Warren Sabino: I don’t have to worry about that.

RJ Dela Cruz: You know, I pray all the time, before every shift, before I leave the house, that God is with me. Asking for guidance, and especially to help me when I feel stressed out or any anxiety. As a new nurse, I definitely get anxiety just thinking about going into work. You know, what am I going to see today? What’s going to… what kind of patient is going to be thrown at me or what kind of situation is gonna happen at work that I don’t know how to, or that I’ve never experienced before.  But, all I do is pray and I know that there’s nothing that’s going to happen, that if He’s with me that I can’t handle. 

RJ Dela Cruz: How do you think that this whole pandemic has changed you as a nurse, and a person in general?

Warren Sabino: You know,  just being more aware. I mean, it made this happen so quickly, and out of nowhere, and it just shows how delicate life is. Being a member [of the Church Of Christ] really puts us at an advantage. When it comes to dealing with what’s happening in the world and like during this time you’re even closer to God.

RJ Dela Cruz: It just made me appreciate everything more. You know, it just appreciate your family, appreciate being able to have, like you mentioned more in the faith that we have. You kind of take these things in life for granted that this pandemic has pretty much brought to the forefront of your mind like, “Wow, I’ve been so blessed.”  I’m going to try not to take any of that for granted.

Warren Sabino: And no matter what situation– if it’s the pandemic, if it’s something life threatening, if it’s anything that happens, it’s just knowing you’re a member and knowing God is on your side, you can take on anything.

RJ Dela Cruz: So, hey, Warren, I just want to say thanks, and I really appreciate you taking your time to talk to me and as a new nurse, just having someone to talk to about all this, it’s really been a blessing. So thank you so much, Warren. 

Warren Sabino: I was such a…I really had a good time talking to you. You know, I wish you all the best in your career and your family life. Hopefully, when this thing gets figured out, if I ever go to California, I’ll come see you guys.

RJ Dela Cruz: Definitely, I’m 15 minutes away from Disneyland, Warren. So come on over.

Warren Sabino:  Nice. Will do will do.

[Music]

Aliw Pablo: Hey, Warren, and RJ! Gosh, listening to you guys, you know, all of these images come to mind when you guys are talking about your real life situation in your hospitals or just being with the patients that you’ve had. We can only imagine how challenging your every day must be. Now, RJ talking to Warren, what do you think was your biggest takeaway from your conversation today with him?

RJ Dela Cruz: You know, even for Warren, this pandemic has been new. But although he has 20 years of experience, the experience helps, but Warren, you still rely on your faith and your family to get through this.

Aliw Pablo: And Warren, what would be your advice to anyone who is studying to be a nurse, especially now that the world has completely changed, you know, so much from this pandemic? Any pieces of advice you’d want to give that may be different from when you started as a nurse 20 years ago?

Warren Sabino:  My advice to anyone who wants to become a nurse—I say do it. It’s very rewarding. If you have that passion and if you have direction where you want to help people, I would definitely say, keep on it. And you’ll know, you won’t be disappointed with it. 

Aliw Pablo: Well, I just want to say thank you both for your time. And for being at the frontline during this terrible pandemic. And we pray for both of you and your health and your safety and your families. And, in case you don’t hear it enough, we just want to thank you for doing all that you do. Thanks, guys.

RJ Dela Cruz: Thank you for connecting me to Warren. It’s been great talking to you.

Warren Sabino: Thank you. I really enjoyed this experience. And it’s really uplifting. So, thank you.

Aliw Pablo: Thanks to RJ and Warren for taking the time to talk with us. And we’d like to thank all the nurses and frontline workers who have been such a tremendous help to families during this pandemic. 

Now, if you found value in what you heard in this episode, be sure to share it with another frontline worker or another friend who could use this conversation in their life right now. Be sure to subscribe to the Making Changes podcast on Apple or Google podcasts, or download the INC Media app to stay up to date with new episodes and check out our Making Changes Instagram account so you can see the faces behind the voices. Thanks for listening and may your change uplift you.

Posted in Common Problems, Making Changes, Making Changes, Prayer

On Losing My Mom

On Losing My Mom
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Meet Mike and Jason, two sons who were very close with their moms. In the previous episode, they talked about the special mother and son relationships they had but also the challenges of taking care of an ill parent, as their mothers dealt with chronic illness. In this part 2, they open up about the pain of losing their moms and how this life-changing experience has given them a deeper perspective on grieving and loss.

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Michael Robinson: I never wish for anybody to be in the positions that we’re in, right?

Jason Pablo: No. 

Michael: We always want best for others being able to have that certainty that our mothers, our loved ones pass, and that there is a time that will come to see them again. This is just a timeout? Timeout, you know, it’s this short period of time that you know, we’re just waiting to see them again. And I relished in the fact that when my mother passed away, these things… 

Jason: Yeah

Michael Robinson: Whatever is happening in the world right now could do nothing, could change nothing about who she was, and what she stood for in regards to her faith.

[Show Open]

Aliw Pablo: No matter where you are in the world, there was one thing we have all experienced together–change. This pandemic has forced us out of our comfort zones, and has pushed us into a new norm. And we simply surrendered and figured out a way to thrive. I’m your host, Aliw Pablo, and welcome to Making Changes, a new podcast from INC Media audio. It’s part two of our episode on loss and grieving. 

In part one, we heard the story of Jason and Mike, who both cared for their mothers battling chronic illness who eventually passed on, they talked about the challenges of seeing their moms physically deteriorate, but how the change in their prayers is what helped them get through their ordeals. 

On today’s episode, both talk about the values their moms have passed on to them, and how knowing that they will see their moms again, is what helps them fight through the pain of loss. Let’s listen in.

Michael Robinson: That’s one of the great things too Jay, you know, I think about the legacy that my mom leaves behind. And that’s left in us. 

Jason: Oh absolutely!

Michael Robinson: I started thinking about all the things that she taught me. And of course the good values of just being a good person, you know, because we weren’t in the Church of Christ. I grew up in the Church, but she was converted. And I started thinking about all of these values that she taught me that were of course given through the Worship Services in the church and those few days before, and just holding her hand, and she’s taking her last breaths, which is, it’s still a horrible sequence of images in my brain but over time, it’s gotten better and better. But I really felt like because of the mercy that I was asking, it’s like, “God, please just give me mercy to accept your will, give me the strength.” 

The fact that I was next to my mom when she was taking these last breaths. And she was actually able to attend Worship Service, even though just hearing, but it was a video streaming of our Executive Minister. And it was such a timely lesson, because it was about the fight until the end, and trusting God, that He is on the job, that he will do what is good for you. And once you accept that, no matter what happens, only good things will come to you. And I wanted to share this little piece with you, Jay, because I don’t know if you had an experience like this, but the nurse was with me. And as she left, I’m saying these words to my mom in her ears and , “Mom, we will see you again. We love you. Remember, you’re a member of the Church. You’re blessed. This isn’t the end.” And once she passed and took her last breath, the nurse said to me, “Well, at least she’s not in pain, and she’s in heaven now.” And that made something clicked so hard in my brain. Where I said to her, “Well, as a matter of fact, no.” And my brother, our I’m sorry, my co-worker, he came there, he was there already, Gary, and he recorded me on his phone talking to this nurse for 30 minutes about our faith. 

Jason: Right. 

Michael Robinson: Because that’s one of the things in perspective that I want to say “change,” but it became even more highlighted in my mind. The way that we see death is entirely different…

Jason: Right.

Michael Robinson: from the way the world sees death when someone dies. You know, yes, we celebrate life. We remember them. And the living works so hard to hold on to those who have left behind. And I’m not saying that’s wrong. You know, we concoct so many things in our minds, to help us…

Jason: Cope—

Michael Robinson: …to cope, to console ourselves, to get by. But the fact of the matter is, is that being in the Church and seeing that path that God prepared for my mom and I—Not only to spend time with each other, but for me to truly repay her, and caring for her, even in her darkest hours–It taught me a great sense of humility. We know that our parents are not just gone, they’re resting, there’s something better that’s coming for them. And it just made me think, “Well, how bad do I want to see them again? How bad do I want to see them again?”

Jason: Well, you know, first of all, I do need to say that I think your mom, and my mom, they’re cut from the same cloth– just very, very hard, loving people. I mean, my mom, I always described her as that when she loved you, boy, she would go out of her way to take care of you. But again, the prayer was all about, “God, she’s in your hands, will love you no matter what, you know, I just don’t want to see your suffering anymore.” And a day later, that was when she was no longer awake, and the only thing keeping her alive were the machines and the medicines that she was on. 

My mom was, you know, she and I were very close and to lose her it just made me realize that you have to really let your kids know how much they’re loved by you, as a father, by you as a parent, because that’s what my mom did. I miss her very much. But like you said, I’m inspired to be able to one day see her again, which makes me work even hard during the performances of my duties. 

One, so that my kids can see that. But two, just so we could all get there. And you know, I do treat that differently as a member of the Church, because death is but a rest. And we’ll all get there, as long as we hold on, and I’ll be able to see my mom. And one day again, along with my younger sister and along with my nephew…

Michael Robinson: Yeah, I never wish for anybody to be in the positions that we’re in, right?

Jason: No.

Michael: You know, we always want the best for others. And, whether you’re in the church or not, people face death, people get ill. People, unfortunately, become part of unfortunate circumstances, whether it’s calamities that happen. I mean, COVID that’s going around now, right? 

Jason: Yeah.

Michael Robinson: You know, it’s a part of life. And we’re involved in that, too. But, you mentioned it, being able to have that certainty that our mothers, our loved ones passed, and that there is a time that will come to see them again, because that’s what our faith is. Our faith dictates that. And, it’s proven that this is just a, what do we call this? A timeout? 

Jason: Yeah. 

Michael Robinson: It’s timeout, it’s this short period of time, that we’re just waiting to see them again. And I relished in the fact that when my mother passed away, that these things here in the world– pain number one, this physical, emotional bodily pain, would never grip her again. 

Jason: Yeah.

Michael Robinson: Whatever is happening in the world right now, could do nothing, could change nothing about who she was, and what she stood for in regards to her faith. Yeah, with the passing of my mom, I not only became stronger and my resolve because I said, I want to see my mother again. But I trusted God more.

Jason: Yeah, no, definitely. You know, once our moms kind of finish their course. You know, they became the lucky ones. Yeah, they had to suffer through it. They had some pain to endure. And they did. Probably, I mean, I know both you and I wish that we could have been in our mom’s places where we just kind of like take the pain away from them. But you know what, God did that for us. And you and I, as members of the Church of Christ, we definitely treat death differently. Because our parents–because our moms have died as members of the Church.

Michael Robinson: And just like your mom, she fought till the end. I remember bringing my mom to the House of Worship. Every time that we go to the Worship Service. I go in the room, get her clothes, put her clothes on. I put her foot drop brace on, tie her shoes, I will get her wheelchair ready with a cushion and a pillow that she specifically wanted. Because she kept saying, I want this pillow and help her out. I put the wheelchair in the back of the van, and then repeat the whole process all over again. And Jay I know, I’m waiting for you to tell me with your mom how that all was. I’m sure you had experiences.

Jason: Everything you said was dead on but because my mom, because of her condition it was a show. I mean, it was us getting ready for a show, you know, you had to give her a bath. You had to get her ready. 

Michael Robinson: Yes. 

Jason: Lay out her clothes. But the thing was, and this is how I knew my mom was still in there, my mom still cared about worshiping and how she worshiped because we would lay her clothes out. And you could even with her trach he’d be like, she’d be telling us, “No, not that.” 

Michael Robinson: Not that color. 

Jason: And then like my sisters would grab earrings. And she, of course she’d go up. What are you doing? These are not the earrings that I want. I want another. So you know, like you said it was just a big show to get your mom, wheelchair up into the car. Get into church, the brethren would you know, the brothers and sisters at church would come and kind of greet her. And, you know, my mom is really happy to see them. She’s exhausted. But you know, she’s still trying to say “hi.” But you know, I just remember that getting the wrong clothes and having the wrong earrings. My mom would not want to get ready unless it was right. Because, again, she was going to worship service and she wanted to worship God in the way that she wanted. She wanted to look right for Him.

Michael Robinson: Even I imagine that that time Jay, like they were on that hill. And they’re making all this effort. And I would even say like and, that’s one thing that I learned from that experience was that because our mothers are like, they don’t I’m not saying they didn’t care, but they’re like, “Hey, I gotta worship.” And imagine that you, the caretaker, are going to stop your mother from worshiping God is almost saying, “God, I don’t think this servant of yours should worship” like that. 

Jason: Exactly, bro.

Michael Robinson: I mean, “Wait, am I really gonna do that? Because I started realizing my responsibility as a son. Like this was now the added bonus to my relationship with my mom. I was now responsible for her to worship God. And so you know, bringing her to Worship Service, even though that was the only time she went out of the house! 

Jason: Exactly, bro. 

Michael Robinson: Like this the only time and she would not get in a wheelchair for anything. You know, if it was the day before, she’s like, I’m not doing anything, I need to rest this whole day for the worship service. But they knew, even to that point, they were so ill-stricken. And we talked about this before, you know, we all could have made excuses, and would have had the right to, but they still fought. If they’re fighting and they have such little that they’re able to do yet they’re still fighting? Why not more us? Yeah, that’s why I’m just grateful. 

I’m thankful for the faith that we have. The faith that we live by in the Church Of Christ. And honestly, Jay, I’m thankful to you as well, having this outlet to speak about this, because, for me, and you’ve been there, losing a parent, and it’s still kind of fresh, but just having someone else to be able to talk to about it, give their perspective. And, you know, it all boils down to, we really do think differently, from what the world may think about it, and because of these experiences, it changed us for sure. It changed us, but it changed us for the better. And it changed us for the betterment of serving God. Thank you so much, Bro, I really appreciate your time. 

Jason: Oh, no. I enjoyed it.

Michael Robinson: I forgot to ask you, oh my gosh, this just popped in my head too you know, like your advice that you would give, for others because our situations were different still but, what would you say to others and such?

Jason: It’s just that, the best place to be is in God’s hands and in living under God’s will. We may not understand why certain things happen. The good and definitely the bad but at the end of the day God knows exactly what He’s doing. And feel good about being under God’s will because you are always taken care of. God always knows what we need. Whether it’s you know, whether it’s a moment of sadness, like losing a mom, losing a parent. It teaches us something about ourselves, which makes us better as Christians. But God’s always doing that for us. Everything that happens in life, God’s will is at work. That would be my advice to everybody.

Michael Robinson: And I’m going to take that personally, because I love that line you just said, everyone who’s listening, “Feel good about being in God’s will.” That is the phrase of the day. Only feel good because nothing else will go wrong. And I can’t thank you enough. Jay really can’t. 

Jason: Oh, thanks man. I appreciate it, bro.

[Music]

Aliw: Gosh, I felt like I wanted you guys to talk forever. Like you guys, one minute you’re making me laugh. And the next minute you’re making me cry. That’s how this listening to two big burly guys talk about their moms. It’s like you guys are like these big teddy bears. But you know, what’s been so great is just listening. You know, listening to you both and and your mom’s we’re so blessed, to really have been loved by sons like you and having been loved and cared for by you guys. And, I know I got to meet your mom once Mike in Florida. 

Michael Robinson: Yeah. 

Aliw: And, and I know, and you know this, I would text you this all the time that how blessed your mom was to have you. As you know, you are going through all those difficult times taking care of her because like Jason said, it was just you and you and I always told you, “You got to take care of yourself, because you had two little kids and then your wife.” 

And, I also really got to see how much my mother-in-law really loved Jason, and up till the time she passed away. He’s right, she was always concerned about us, even though she was the one that was in pain and suffering. But, it’s rare to have to hear two guys talk about their feelings, and talk about their love. 

Jason: We’re big and burly. So you know, we’re okay about it.

Michael Robinson: Teddy Bear.

Aliw: It’s just rare. But you guys really, you know, thank you for being so vulnerable and letting your heart out there. But, grief is not something easy to talk about to begin with, but to have two guys talk about grief is like a whole nother level. But what do you think, Mike, what do you think your biggest takeaway from Jason was? In our conversation today?

Michael Robinson: Well, I think one of the things you just said, being vulnerable, I think the premise of the things we talked about, didn’t make me feel vulnerable, or to think that I was going to be in a vulnerable place. Because it’s honest, it’s real. And I mentioned, even earlier, the one thing that just popped in my head with Jay was saying is that feel good, that you’re in God’s will. 

And hearing his story about knowing that sometimes we want to know what God’s will is and, and we believe it’s what’s best for us. And even to the point and I connected with Jay so much when he said, “I don’t want to make that decision.” And when we trust in God to know that He’s going to provide, even if we had to make the decision or not, He’ll give us that strength to do it. 

But I’m just even speaking to Jay, with someone else, you know, it’s always good to speak to someone else who’s experienced something like you did. I mean, our circumstances are different in certain places. But, we’ve all experienced the same loss. And I’m very thankful for listening to Jay’s story, too. I’m happy to hear that there’s another guy that really loves his mom as much as I to what extent we would go to, because I used to think like, “Am I loving my mom too much because you have a family too.” But just hearing Jay–it reassured me even more that what we did was right. And it wasn’t because we just loved our mom. But, we know what’s good to God. And we know what His will is, and when we apply ourselves to it and make ourselves part of it, versus thinking what we think is best. Not only do we have good things, but we’re more calm, we’re at peace.  And that was my whole endgame here. 

In regards to my mother passing and I’m sure with Jason to know that we had peace and everything that we did. And having this conversation gives me more peace about it, knowing that moving forward that even though I do miss her, yes, you know, I have a fellow brother who also firmly believes we’ll see our mothers again. And it’s not just our mothers who will see each other’s mothers again and each other. 

But yes, feeling good about being in God’s will–That’s the biggest thing that I love what Jay just said, because it really brings me peace about everything that has happened, and to never be upset with God, but to be even just more thankful. And, to know that I passed this part of the trial in my life and when other ones come, we know we can feel good, because God’s will, it’s just being done for all of us.

Aliw: And what about you, Jason, what was your biggest takeaway from Mike?

Jason: My biggest takeaway from Mike was that, we’re always gonna question how, if we’ve grieved enough or during the time, have we done enough? The answer to all of that, that I’ve learned from Mike is that God has always allowed us to do exactly what we needed to do for our parents or for our loved ones, for that matter. You know, and even after death, our parents are going to live through us because we love our mothers so much, we’re always gonna wonder if we’ve done enough for them. We’ve grieved enough for them. Now that they’re no longer here. But I want to say that we only question that because we love them so much.

Aliw Pablo: Thanks again, Jason, and Mike for taking the time to share your stories and life lessons. And if you found value in what you heard today, please share it with a friend who is dealing with grief during this time. And we’d greatly appreciate it if you can leave a review on whatever platform you’re listening from. 

Be sure to subscribe to Making Changes to stay up to date with new episodes. For more inspiring content or to learn more about the Iglesia Ni Cristo or Church Of Christ, log on to incmedia.org or download the INC media app. Thanks for listening and may your change uplift you.


Posted in Christian Living, Common Problems, Making Changes, Making Changes, Prayer

On Caring For A Sick Parent

On Caring For A Sick Parent
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Meet Mike and Jason. Both men have experienced taking care of an ill parent, something that almost everyone will experience in their lifetime. Both of their moms suffered from chronic illness that changed their moms in ways they could have never expected. But through it all, they share the life-changing moments they gained as they watched their moms courageously face such difficult moments.

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On Caring For a Sick Parent

Michael Robinson: She went into this, you know, coma like state. She just wasn’t responding, and she was having brain seizures over and over again. Now, I had to decide whether—am I accepting this as what my… this is what it’s going to be from my mom’s, you know, quality of life now. Like, is this what it is? At what point did you find yourself where you’re like, okay, this is my mom. Okay, this is who she is?

Jason Pablo: I wasn’t prepared for that. So, while my mom was actually recovering, initially from the brain tumor removal, she actually had a stroke. And it was at that point where it flipped the switch in my head—this isn’t going to be the mother that I knew.

(Show Open)

Aliw Pablo: No matter where you are in the world, there is one thing we have all experienced together, change. This pandemic has forced us out of our comfort zones, and has pushed us into a new norm. And we simply surrendered and figured out a way to thrive. I’m your host, Aliw Pablo, and welcome to Making Changes, a new podcast from INC Media Audio. In this podcast, you’ll hear honest conversations between two people who are on the same path to change but are in different stages in their journeys. And we’ll learn how they’ve navigated their way around their new normal, but always with God by their side. 

On today’s episode, you’ll meet Jason and Mike, who both cared for their mothers’ battling chronic illness, but now have passed on. Jason has lost three members of his family in a five year span: his young nephew, his mom, and most recently, his younger sister. Mike, an only child, cared for his mother for two years, and just recently lost both his mother and his grandmother a month apart. 

Today, these men will talk about what it’s like to go through different stages of grief, and how in such tough times, why having the right perspective matters. And, by the way, Jason is my husband, and Mike is a good friend of ours and my colleague here at INC Media. So we’ll be flies on the wall as these two sons share life lessons they’ve learned along the way. Let’s listen in.

Michael: Hey, Jay, how are you doing?

Jason: What’s up, Bro? First of all, you know, I want to extend my condolences to you. How are you holding up?

Michael: I’m doing okay, and thank you for the condolences. It’s been odd, been very odd. And I say that to you Jay, because, you know, I know you’ve had a loss in your family. I mean, my gosh, like the past three years, if I’m not mistaken, right? 

Jason: Oh, yeah, five. Three very, very close family members in the past five years, so yeah.

Michael: You know, sometimes, I wish I could be in your position, because that saying of “Time heals.” And, yeah, the situation I just had, it’s pretty fresh. But I say it’s an odd situation, because just like, you gave her condolences, and I’m so grateful for it. 

Jason: Right… 

Michael: You know, but it feels like it happened so long ago. But when I start thinking about those last moments because I had the opportunity to be with her, it really makes it even more real again, that I have accepted that she’s gone. And until now, I still wonder if I dealt with the grief properly. You know, I’ve spoken to others who are close, and I’ve been meaning to speak to you for a while. 

Jason: Right.

Michael: You know, it’s one thing to say that loss is— it’s expected, you know, we’re expected to pass. But when it happens, and it really happens to somebody who’s close to you, and in this case, a parent, it’s always helpful to find different perspectives on it, because everyone’s circumstances are different.

Jason: Well, I lost my mom back in 2017. And I think for me, it was all about—she got into her condition because she actually had a tumor in her brain. And, you know, she was fine before that. And then all of a sudden, that tumor came about and the doctors thought it was a pretty aggressive tumor, so they wanted to take it out really fast. But it was after that particular operation to remove the tumor where my mom was never the same after that anymore. But it was just one of those things where God’s will kind of took the forefront and you know, you’re right. “Have you accepted it? Have you grieved enough? Have you grieved in the right way?”, I was asking that question to myself. You know, I would say, months, probably even a year after she had passed. So, tell me a little bit more about your mom. I mean, if you don’t mind, what was her illness?

Michael: Well, my mom was diagnosed with renal failure. She had kidney failure, and it was a process for her. It wasn’t something that just came. In a nutshell, in 2000, she was in a very bad car accident that changed the life of my entire family. She had spinal nerve separation. Basically, she had all these shredded nerves. And she lost all feeling in her right leg and she had foot drop, and she developed Parkinson’s disease after that, but after that she was walking, going back to work. She had a cane, like—

Jason: She went back to work? Oh, my goodness!

Michael: Oh, yeah, she went back to work after six months, and she was diagnosed not to ever walk again. 

Jason: Your mom’s a fighter, Bro! 

Michael: And it was lots of prayers. No, I’m serious. This woman is, like, she’s, stubborn to the letter. She went to work. She went back to her usual thing. And it was when we moved down to Florida, because the winters were getting so cold, so harsh for her body in 2018. And, she was expecting just to live life and retire. 

And unfortunately, she got to that age where her condition got worse. Her Parkinson’s got stronger, you would see her right arm shake, her neck shake involuntarily, so she had to take more medicines for that. And then she started having urinary tract infections. And it got to the point this past year, Jay, I mean, I’m not even kidding, because I have the discharge papers to prove it, she was in the hospital more than 20 times this year. She was in the hospital more, and rehabilitation more, than she was at home. And that’s how bad it got. 

And then later on, she started having seizures because she had to go on dialysis because of her kidney failure, and it weakened her body more and more and more, and every time she got sent home, because she ran out of Medicare days, she couldn’t do rehabilitation anymore. You know, she would always get sent home in a weakened state. 

And it got to a point where I picked her up from dialysis one time because her blood pressure was so low, I picked her up, we’re driving home and she had a seizure, right in the car when I was driving. And I was holding her down trying to turn around, keep calm and everything like that. And since then, and this was in September, I admitted her again. And that was the last time that I was really able to have a conversation with her because then she went into this coma-like state. She just wasn’t responding. And she was having brain seizures over and over again. And yeah, that’s where it got really, really tough. 

Because you mentioned before, now I had to decide whether—am I accepting that this is what my mom’s, you know, quality of life [is] now? Like, is this what it is? You know, and I start to ask, like, how am I going to deal with this? I mean, there [were] things that happened beforehand that I was even struggling with, but she was home with us. She was able to talk to me and tell me like, “Michael I feel this way, or this, you know.” But now like, I was in this position where I’m like, Oh my gosh, I have to make decisions for her health now?”

Jason: Right.

Michael: And now I have my wife who has her own health issues. [I] Have two young children. How does this all fit in? So, and it even started affecting me honestly, Jay, it started affecting my own health. 

At what point did you find yourself where you’re like, “Okay, this is my mom. Okay, this is who she is, even though she’s sick. Okay, yeah, she’s still the same person.” And then all of a sudden, they’re never who they were that you knew they were before?

Jason: Oh, yeah. No, it’s, you know, when I was going through all of my health stuff, of course, the heart transplant and everything, you know, of course, with something like that, you know, death is always in the back of your mind. And for me, it was thinking about death. For me. It was about me leaving behind my wife and my two young kids. But with that, I was prepared for me, for my own death. And by the grace of God, I got through all of that, but when it came to my mom—I wasn’t prepared for that. 

So, while my mom was actually recovering, initially from the brain tumor removal, while she was recovering, she actually had a stroke. And it was at that point where, you know, it flipped the switch in my head saying that, I don’t think my mom’s going to recover from this, or if she does recover it, this isn’t going to be the mother that I knew. This isn’t gonna be the mother that was always calling us to see how we were doing. You know, every time I ended up in the hospital, she was…because she worked at the same hospital, she was there, she would spend her lunches, she would spend her breaks just to see how I’m doing. But now that was gonna be gone, that part of my mom was going to be gone. 

I mean, essentially as bad as this may sound, my mom stopped being my mom, during this time. And yeah, it was tough to accept, even if she were to be physically—and she was transferred into a nursing facility. She was also after that transferred to another specialist facility, because she actually got tracked. So and there she is, she’s there. She can’t communicate, because she has a tube down her throat. So, yeah, one of the biggest things I struggle with is–this is no longer my mom. And it was tough. 

You know, there were a lot of prayers, but the theme of those prayers were—at first, it was, “God, please heal, Mom.” That’s what we’d say prayers with the kids with Aliw and the kids, “please heal mom.” But, once we were kind of like, knowing where this was going, and you know, there was, it was a couple years until my mom actually passed on. But once we turned our prayers to God—”no matter what, we’re still gonna let—Your will is what we trust. Whatever You have planned for mom, we will accept it.” And, I think, once we came to that point, it got better, emotionally, to deal with. It got better spiritually to deal with. Because, we had to just let God’s will kind of like happen. And the toughest part was just kind of like watching her deteriorate. I mean, it’s hard, one, to see your parent, or to watch your mother get older and weaker. But for me, I mean, I had siblings, there were four of us to take turns, because she was bedridden from this point on. But for you, man, I mean, you were an only child.

Michael: Yeah, that was really the rough part. And to be honest with you, my shoulders would get tight, my face would get tight. There’s actually a part of me at one time when I found out my mother was intubated, because things weren’t going right. I actually was in the car driving, and I felt my face tightening up. I started having heart palpitations. I said, “Oh, my gosh, am I having a heart attack? Am I having a stroke? So, I called my wife and I said, I’m going to the ER, and when I went to the ER, they’re like, “Sir, you’re fine, it’s anxiety.” And I used to belittle people who have anxiety attacks. And I’m like, “oh, man, it’s just in your brain. Like, get with it, grow up”, you know that kind of thing. 

Jason: Shake it off type of thing.

Michael: Yeah, shake it off, but you know what I realized at that point? That it wasn’t in my mind, because it really wasn’t in my mind that I was stressing. It was my body. Like, my body was actually telling me like, “Look, you got to deal with this in a way that you know, because it is affecting you.” And, you know, being that I was the only one working. 

And, Jay, you and I being members of the Church, we love our duties. We would die for our duties. It doesn’t mean that we don’t balance our time with our family. We love our families, but when that call is there, we know that when we perform our duties, God doesn’t forsake us. And that’s what it was really at. 

So, when you ask that question, like, you know, how did I do it? It really was with God’s help. And why I did it was because I was really like, God, what more can I do to have you help me? What more can I have? I used to say this to my wife—I’m not asking God to give us more things, I want more mercy. I want more of His pity on us because I really felt like, “wow, I’m hurting here.” But that was an experience that I thought maybe, at the time, crossed my mind being a human being and, when I had to do maybe sometimes undignified things to take care of my mom because it was just me, and it’s just her. With the prayers, I mean, I went to the chapel every day, you know, initially asking, “God, can you please heal my mother?” You know, “I’m not asking you to make her 100%, just let her be able to walk, or not even walk, just let her be able to talk and respond.”

And the experience that I wanted to share with you is that the doctor was telling me right in front of my face. And at the time that my mom had just opened her eyes, but she couldn’t communicate–He’s saying, “You need to consider hospice.” And when he said that, my mom had this very sad and tearful look. You know, and I let the doctor talk. Because I said, “Okay, we need to listen to what he has to say.” Then after he left, I went to my mom. And I said, “Mom, look, I said we had to hear what we needed to hear, because for the doctors, yes, it’s an improbable thing. But that’s why this is for God. He’s the expert of the improbable and impossible. So we’ll continue to pray, and do what’s best. So don’t worry about if I’m going to send you to a hospice center.” I said, “That’s not in my mind. What I want is, is that, you know, we’ll be guided in whatever decisions we make.”

You know, and that was the turning point, as you said, Jay, to my prayers. I went to the chapel that day, and I prayed and I met a good friend. This close family friend said to me, “Mike, I wish I was in your position. Because I wish I could have had the chance to be with my family or a family member before they passed.” And when I heard that, I realized that I was never upset about the fact that God didn’t heal my mom, I never got upset about that. I never got upset that, you know, as much as I prayed that there was no progress in her health. I realized that God was preparing me, I was mourning that whole time, grieving that whole time, but He was preparing me to accept that look, you know, if it’s your mom’s time, this is what it is. And I remember saying that, that time I first spoke to the sister that, “God, please just give me the strength from now on, to accept whatever you want. I’m ready to accept that if my mother passes.” Because Jay, I’ve seen the pain that she’s been in. And I’m sure you’ve seen the pain that your mom’s been in probably a long time—

Jason: Most definitely.

Michael: You know, you’ve been sitting with her next to her on that bed taking care of her and you see this excruciating pain they go through. And they even tell you about it.

Jason: Most definitely.

Michael: It was frustrating taking care of my mom, but not once did I ever get upset with God; thinking that why would he allow this to happen? Does He know that I’m performing my duty at the same time and Jay, I fought hard. Your wife knows well, I fought hard to come into the office every day to do work. And at any time, I could have said, “I can’t.”

Jason: And you had every reason to say no. 

Michael: You would think I had every reason. And at the same time. I’m like, “do I have a reason? Do I have a reason to be upset? Do I have a reason not to thank God still?” And after all that, that’s when I really again, realize like, you know what, I can never be mad at God for what happened. 

Jason: When my mom was going through all of her stuff going in and out of the hospital—there was one time I was actually in choir practice, and I get a call. The doctor said, “Your mom is having trouble breathing, we’re probably going to have to intubate her again, but we need your family to give us the yes or no.” So, quickly, I had to call my siblings but right before I call them, I just prayed and I said, “God, I am not going to make this decision.” Because the doctor said if we don’t intubate her, the trajectory could go in a downward direction. And it was just one of those things like oh, okay, so I prayed, “God, let your will be done.” I called my siblings and said, “Hey, this is what’s going on. I need to give the doctor some decision, okay? What are we going to do here?” And you know, we talked about it. The decision was, is my mom able to communicate with you? So I called the doctor back. That was gonna be my question—“Can my mom communicate with you?” When I called the doctor back, the doctor says, “Your mom told us to intubate her.” 

Michael: Oh, wow.

Jason: My mom was the one who made the decision. So, even the last time I saw my mom awake, and it was a Saturday night, prior to her death, Aliw and I, we walked into the hospital and you know, my mom, she’s hooked up and everything. But she’s cognizant, she’s looking at us. She’s smiling. She’s waving. But she’s got all these tubes, in and out of her. You can see the pain that she was in, and you know, yeah, we just sat down. Of course, you know what it’s like to sit there holding her hand. Just watching them suffer. But my mom was still trying to smile for us. I think she even asked us if we ate. And I was like, “Mom, you don’t have to worry about us eating.” 

And then my dad and my sister walked in, so we kind of left and Aliw and I were just talking and said, “You know, I hate seeing my mom like this.” And that night we prayed, “God, we know, whatever You want to do, we’ll still love You.” Again, it was always that, we wanted to assure God that we will still love You no matter what. Just put my mom into Your hands, whatever Your will is. 

And that was the last time that we saw her awake. Me and my family, we never had any reason to ever be mad at God. Because with the situation where she had a hard time breathing; are we going to make the decision to intubate her or not? God gave her enough strength to communicate with the doctors, so she made the decision to be intubated. 

Jason: Even that last time that I saw her, you know, we knew she was suffering. But again, the prayer was all about, “God, she’s in Your hands. We’ll love You no matter what. I just don’t want to see her suffering anymore.”

And a day later, that was when she was no longer awake, and the only thing keeping her alive were the machines and the medicines that she was on. She was sick for quite a while. And I think God gave me that time, gave us that time to to kind of prepare for it. But you know how it is, Mike, no matter how much you prepare, you’re never prepared when it really happens.

Michael: I was gonna say, because you said something before and hearing what you’re saying, Jay, it’s helping me a lot. Because one thing I was looking for, always was, in making these decisions, am I gonna have peace about it? And you sound like, you know, because of your prayers. You know, God gave you that peace to know that even if the decision that was made, and you know, she passed, that you really could feel that it was His will and it wasn’t something that you were left in confusion. And I went through that similar thing. When I made that decision, I was wondering, before the decision, am I making the right decision? Am I choosing her fate here of some sort? Or what’s gonna happen? 

Jason: You know, the one thing that you said, which totally hit home was, “what should we pray for as a family?” And you said, “I just prayed for mercy.” And that’s what it was. Once you said that, it’s like, I had goosebumps everywhere. Because that’s exactly it—”God, you know, please be merciful. Not just to me, but to everybody who showed love to my mom.” And I thought that was awesome, when you said that. I’m not asking for anything. I’m not asking for her to come home, you know, to be able to do this again or do that again. All I’m doing is praying for mercy.

Michael: It was mentioned in one of our worship services about how God’s peace is something so different and unimaginable, that it guards our thoughts and emotions. And when I heard that, it just clicked.

Jason: When we were asking for mercy from God, for God’s will to kind of show up. It’s like, do we keep my mom around for our own selfish acts? Because we just want her around? 

Michael: Yeah. 

Jason: Or do you just want God to do what He has to do, so she stops feeling pain. And the latter was always the greater, and yes, I love my mom. You can ask my siblings, I am the favorite. You don’t have that problem! 

Michael: Oh right. 

Jason: Yes, but I miss her very, very much. And, you know, but God did what he had to do for us, and for my mom, to put us at peace. We as members of the Church, we treat death differently. 

Michael: Oh, definitely, yes.

Jason: So, I mean, definitely with my mom, definitely with my, my nephew, when he died at eight years old. And then with my younger sister, who was only two years younger than me, so she was, 45 when she passed. And hers was all of a sudden. So, with my mom, you had time to prepare, with my sister, I didn’t have any time because that was, literally, out of the blue. But God knew. God’s will was that they all be taken away from this world. In the time that He did, and that’s all God’s will. And we say it in our prayers every time, God, in Your hands, and in Your will, is the best place for us to be, just keep us there. And I love it when my kids can say that in their prayers when we say that at night.

Michael: And that’s one of the great things too, Jay, because you ended off like with your kids. You know, I think about the legacy that my mom leaves behind, and that’s left in us. I started thinking about all the things that she taught me.

Aliw: And that’s part one of Mike and Jason’s story. We’re going to stop right here for now. And in part two, we’ll talk about the values that their moms have passed down to them, that they’re now passing on to their own children. We’ll also talk about their advice for others who are going through grief in this pivotal change of losing a loved one. So, make sure you tune into part two. 

Now, if you found value in what you heard today, please share it with a friend who is dealing with loss and grief during this time. And we’d greatly appreciate it if you could leave a review on whatever platform you’re listening from. Be sure to subscribe to Making Changes to stay up to date with new episodes. For more inspiring content or to learn more about the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church of Christ), log on to incmedia.org or download the INC media app. Thanks for listening and may your change uplift you.

Posted in Common Problems, Making Changes, Making Changes, Prayer

Effective Communication in Marriage: Intro

Effective Communication in Marriage: Intro
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Communication in marriage is crucial. Our newlyweds, Kurt and Jannelle, have known each other for over a decade, but have been married for a couple of years now. Communication in their relationship has evolved over time, but they’re still learning along the way.


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Effective Communication in Marriage: Introduction

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado (host): “Hello, everyone! For those joining us again we’re glad you’re back, and a warm welcome to our new listeners out there. I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of this newest podcast by INCMedia, Happy Life where we help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage.  As for me, I have been happily married for over 21 years to my husband, Paul.

In our last episode, we left off on the topic of communication. Today, we’re kicking off the series on effective communication in marriage.

On the website insightpsychological.ca it states that lack of communication is the root cause of marriage issues and on www.marriage.com they state and I quote:

“Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.”

Stay tuned now as we talk about what communication is and look at some of the different methods.

[Show jingle/catchphrase]
Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome our guests Jannelle & Kurt, from Delta, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married a little over 2 years now. Hey, Kurt & Jannelle! How are you both today?

Jannelle Quines: Thank you  so much! We’re doing great, thanks!

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! Kurt, how are you?

Kurt Quines: Pretty good. Hi, everyone!

Myrtle Alegado: So, before we jump into our discussion today, would you mind sharing a little bit about yourselves? You know, so we can get to know you a little. What do you both do professionally?

Kurt Quines: So, I’m a Structural Engineer at WHM Structural Consulting just outside of Vancouver.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmmhmm.

Jannelle Quines:  And I’m a Digital Marketing & Communications Professional. I work within a tech company that focuses on video editing software.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow, those definitely sound like busy careers. I know from our last conversation together, I know you met when you both worked in retail about 9 or 10 years ago. But you only got married 2 years ago, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yes, that’s right.

Myrtle Alegado: So for you personally, what does good communication in your marriage mean to you?

Kurt Quines: So for us, it basically means speaking with honesty and respect.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, definitely, being able to speak with honesty and like, you know, being unafraid of your spouse’s reaction. Also, having an open mind and an open heart to listen to what your spouse is saying or trying to say.

Myrtle Alegado: So, in the little over 2 years that you’ve been married, but you’ve known each other for a total of 10, so what have you learned about communication with each other over the years? And did that change a little bit, you know, after you got married?

Kurt Quines: Definitely. So, communication in marriage is a lot different from when you’re dating. It’s a new stage in your relationship, as well as your life, so there are new things you’ll learn about yourself and your spouse while living in the same space.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh yeah definitely, because you know you’re adjusting not just to being married but to living with each other, living together.

Kurt Quines: Exactly. We both came from living with our families so this was our first time living with anyone. And, basically, first time living apart from our families as well.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: So it was challenging learning to live together while adjusting to living away from our separate families.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, I get that.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, for example, there are times where you know, we felt like we couldn’t express ourselves, because it felt like, you know, when you express yourselves and you’re not used to being with somebody constantly, you feel like you’re being criticized or being questioned, like the methods that you’re doing in your everyday life is being questioned. And we were both used to, you know, avoiding that. So we would try to avoid as many arguments by keeping silent, but you know that never works out. And then, you know, because of that tensions build and things start to feel uncomfortable in the shared space that you have. 

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of funny how that dynamic works, because I mean you’ve known each other for 9 or 10 years, and then you get married, and then it’s like walking on eggshells with each other.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s almost like you’re trying to figure out, you know, when to bring something up or not.

Jannelle Quines: Right, totally. For sure, for sure. Like, I think It took some time, but we learned that the space that we share is you know, exactly that. It’s shared. So remembering that it belongs to the both of us, so it’s up to us to create that home together. It’s not like, you know, it’s only his space or only my space. It’s a space where we need to communicate our wants, and our needs, and our overall feelings in order for things to be more harmonious.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, before we continue, let’s find out what exactly  is communication and how do others define communication?

The definition of communication according to Merriam Webster dictionary is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

There are 2 basic types of communication, being verbal & non-verbal. Verbal communication has two types. Oral Communication, which happens through word of mouth, spoken words, conversations like face to face conversation with your spouse, or you know phone calls; and of course, nowadays, we also have video chats and what not. And then, the other type is Written Communication, which happens through handwritten or typed medium, like text messages, instant messages, handwritten notes, or emails.

And then we’ve got Non-Verbal Communication. Any communication without word of mouth, spoken words, conversation and written languages are called Non-Verbal Communication. And it happens through gestures, body language or facial expressions

So, now that we have defined what communication is, Jannelle & Kurt, in your own words, why is effective communication important to you?

Jannelle Quines: I think communication is important to us because it’s taken us to another level of love and respect for each other. I think we understand each other much better, and we truly are partners in life. We’re in this together and that’s really comforting.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, in it for the long haul, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So,can you take us through a typical day for you two, you know, what you share, how you communicate with each other? How often? Is it throughout the day during work, or just in the evening when you finally get to see each other?

Kurt Quines: I think a good example is, because we work fairly close to each other, we usually carpool on the days when we have Church night.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh that’s nice.

Kurt Quines: So we have really good conversations while driving home or driving somewhere.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. 

Myrtle Alegado: What are the sorts of things you talk about in the car?

Jannelle Quines: Well, I think it’s good that we work close by. So, when we carpool back home we talk about how our day went at work, and sometimes you know, how we’re feeling. We mention things that happen, like funny things that happened during the day, current events, or what’s happening in the world right now. We discuss a whole bunch of different topics when we go home.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of like anything and everything, huh?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, literally. It’s kind of whatever is happening, that happened that day, we sort of chat about. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So, it’s kind of like a catch up session but also you can bring up anything. That’s great.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: Pretty much, and then we talk about Church, mostly as well. Talking about our responsibilities and our duties. You know, we kind of coordinate our schedules in the car, pretty much. And, overall, quality time is really important to us, so even if we don’t talk and we just drive, and we’re just in the same space, we sort of can feel or read each other’s mood.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s so awesome when, you know, that comforting kind of  silence is there, like you don’t really have to say anything. You’re just happy being with each other’s presence. That’s so awesome to me.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: You mentioned Church duties. What are your duties in the Church Of Christ? Can you give us examples of how you communicate in order to fulfill them?

Jannelle Quines: So, I’m the head secretary at our local (congregation), so in the local (congregation) of Delta, and Kurt is the assistant choir leader, Buklod president and group overseer. So we have not just our busy schedule in terms of work, we have also quite a busy schedule when it comes to our Church responsibilities as well.

Myrtle Alegado: For sure, it sounds like it. You’ve got a lot on your plate.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: For those who aren’t familiar with the term you mentioned, Buklod, it’s the organization for married members within the Christian Family Organizations in the Church Of Christ.

Ok, so you both work full time, on top of that you have responsibilities in the Church. How do you manage? Like, really?

Jannelle Quines: Well, to be honest, there are times where we may feel really overwhelmed and like, juggling everything and managing deadlines. You know work, like after work you have to do your Church duties, or vice versa where you go do your Church duty and then you have to go to work. But, I think we do our best to keep each other informed about what our schedules are like for those days or the weeks coming by. We have like a shared calendar or we just verbally tell each other, “Oh, hey, just a reminder you know I have choir practice tomorrow, so you know make sure you’re ready to leave work on a certain time” or “I have a Buklod officers’ meeting tomorrow.” So you know, we need to make sure that whatever our schedules are like, we make time for that as well. Because, of course, our Church offices and our duties are important, so we want to make sure that we put those into priority and make time for those on top of our work schedules.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: And we also like to eat and go out for dinners-

Myrtle Alegado: Who doesn’t?

Kurt Quines: -and that’s basically when we get down to like all our worries and start talking about it, and just, you know, just sitting down saying, “Yeah, I’m pretty tired today.” The fact that we understand one another and can empathize really helps.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: Of course, we know that God will always help us to be able to do our regular work and also carry out our duties too.

Jannelle Quines: Mmhmm. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado:  That’s a great point and the perfect timing to actually bring in a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno in on this discussion. Welcome back to the show Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Sister Myrtle.Good to be back, and congratulations on Episode 2 for Happy Life! Yay! And hello to Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle. It’s nice that you’ve joined us on this discussion here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: So Bro Felmar, Kurt and Jannelle were just sharing some of their experiences. And today, since we’re kicking off our series on effective communication in marriage, Jannelle and Kurt, it sounds like for them, they enjoy having in-person conversations. But when it comes to communication as a whole, I’m just curious as to what is actually most effective?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Yes like you mentioned, Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle do enjoy their conversations with each other. And kudos to them, right? Despite their busy schedule in their personal lives, in their duties as members of the Church Of Christ, they put in that big effort to always stay in touch with each other.

However, there is a kind of communication that really ALL people should be doing and that includes married couples. And what is it?

The Bible reveals to us the answer, here in Job, chapter 8, verses 5-7 in the New International Version:

“But if you will seek God earnestly and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”
[Job 8:5-7 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So while husband and wife, like Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle, should be effective in communicating with each other, the Bible reveals to us that, above all, we ought to be communicating with God. Communicating with God through prayer is most effective—especially when it comes to marriage. What can those who are prayerful and upright expect? According to the Bible, “Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”

What guarantee does God Himself give to His people who pray to Him? In Isaiah 41:17, in the Good News Translation:

“When my people in their need look for water, when their throats are dry with thirst, then I, the LORD, will answer their prayer; I, the God of Israel, will never abandon them.”
[Isaiah 41:17 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: Now in the Christian era, our time, who are God’s people whose prayers the Lord God answers? They are the members of the Church Of Christ. Why are we sure? In 1 Peter, chapter 2, verse 9, in the Good News Bible, Apostle Peter says this to the members of the Church Of Christ:

“But you are the chosen race, the King’s priests, the holy nation, God’s own people, chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his own marvelous light.”
[1 Peter 2:9 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thus, as members of the Church Of Christ, we can be confident that as God’s people, He listens to our prayers and He answers our prayers. The Lord, our God Himself, gives that guarantee.

Did you know that even our Lord Jesus Christ has a guarantee for His disciples who are prayerful? Here in John 16:24, in the New King James Version:

“Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
[John 16:24 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on these truths we have read from the Bible, it is vital that husband and wife pray together on a regular basis. If husband and wife regularly communicate with each other, even more so with God. Why? Because when we constantly seek God through prayer, the Bible taught us, God will act on our behalf; even if we come from humble beginnings but our future will be prosperous. How else does the Bible explain the efficacy of prayer? Based on what we read earlier in Isaiah, even if God’s people are in dire need, God will answer our prayers! Even if we may encounter ‘desperate times’—and there’s plenty of that going on right now—people are desperate when it comes to their health; their job security; paying off their mortgage or other bills. And yes these situations and pressures can take its toll, even on married life. But what will be our advantage if we stay prayerful, even during these desperate times? The Almighty God Himself—the Almighty God Himself—guarantees that He will never abandon His people! As for our Lord Jesus Christ, what is His guarantee? We read it earlier, He said, “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”

So if you and your spouse are already praying together on a daily basis, be even more devoted to that. If, as a married couple, you have not yet set your devotional prayer together, why not look at your daily or weekly schedule together now, so you can agree on a time that you can pray together. And remember, preparation is key. And we’ve been taught about this many times, right, Brother Kurt, Sister Jannelle, Sister Myrtle? We’ve been taught about this many times in worship services. So, please, to all our listeners out there, especially to the newlyweds, please ensure you give yourselves enough time to prepare, to dress properly, to pause and meditate, putting away the cell phones or any distractions, so that you as a married couple, can pray together—wholeheartedly, communicating with the Lord God your needs; entrusting to Him your plans; and asking help too from our Lord Jesus Christ.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s all really, really great and inspirational advice, Brother Felmar. Thank you for enlightening us and also for joining us again here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you to the Lord God and His precious words. Again, a pleasure to be with you all here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, Jannelle and Kurt, now that we’ve heard that inspirational and biblical advice, can you share how prayer has helped you as husband and wife in these 2 years of marriage?

Jannelle Quines: I think prayer has helped us a lot. I mean, knowing that God is there to listen to us, and that He knows already about our worries, our stresses, our concerns, it’s really comforting. We know He’s provided us with the  solutions and even just giving us strength during the times we need it.  So we make it a priority to have our devotional prayers together to ensure that we always have God on our side.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmhmm.

Kurt Quines: We are so thankful that God pretty much brought us together. We always pray that God continues to give us the patience, the open heart, and understanding that we need. Even though there will be times we don’t see eye to eye, we pray that our love continues to grow and that our faith remains intact and will continue to grow stronger.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s awesome and it’s wonderful to hear the important role that prayer has had in your marriage. So, thanks for sharing that. And you know, considering what we’ve learned so far and what we’ve discussed today, how do you plan to improve your communication together going forward?

Kurt Quines: Definitely a work in progress. So, learning how to communicate well is ongoing and we both know that it takes a lot of work and patience.

Myrtle Alegado: It never stops, to be honest.

Jannelle Quines: Never, no.

Kurt Quines: For sure, and developing good communication habits as well is a lot of trial and error. So, you know, hopefully like we’ll get through it and patience is definitely the key. We’re also learning not to take things too personally or like it’s a personal attack or criticism of each other. So, putting that ego aside when your partner is sharing how they feel or giving feedback.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. 

Myrtle Alegado: That’s a tough one to learn, but yeah that’s very true.

Janelle Quines: It’s definitely, it’s tough to learn for yourself. But I think another thing that comes to mind is assuming or expecting the other person “just knows” or “should know”, like putting that aside. I think that’s part of the ego aspect of it. It’s like you think, “Oh, you should know this,” but you know trying not to think in that sort of mindset is something that we’re still working on improving, even now. And I think that it’s a challenge for many newlyweds.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, for sure. And this is actually another big part of communication, and that is managing expectations and being on the same page as your spouse.

And this aspect of effective communication in  marriage will actually be the  topic in our next episode. So, we’ll discuss the importance of husband and wife understanding and agreeing on each other’s expectations.

But for now, thank you so much to our newlyweds, Jannelle & Kurt.

Jannelle Quines: You’re very welcome. Thank you guys for having us.

Kurt Quines: It was nice to be here.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, you guys gave great answers, you know, great discussion. It’s always awesome, very nice, to hear first-hand examples of how married couples deal with their challenges, you know real-life kind of experiences. And in Jannelle and Kurt’s case they mentioned they continue to work on their communication with one another, and most of all they communicate & pray to God that He continues to give them patience and understanding and that their love will continue to grow. We hope that all newlywed couples out there had a great learning experience today in our first episode for this series we have started on effective communication in marriage.

Remember to tune in to our next episode as we continue the discussion and we tackle the topic of ‘Expectations.’

Well, that’s it for our discussion today. To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. Or if you have any questions or just want to send us a message, please do so by emailing info@incmedia.org with the subject Happy Life. Please also share this episode with newlywed couples you think would enjoy or benefit from it.

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and God bless all the married couples.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life, Prayer

Who Can Preach the Gospel?

Who Can Preach the Gospel?
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Can just anyone preach the Gospel? What is the best way to test the authenticity of a preacher? What is the difference between true and false preachers?


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Who Can Preach the Gospel?

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Kristina Larsen: How can we tell if God is speaking to us through a pastor?

Brother Bob Pellien: Thank you so much Kristina for that very insightful question. We say insightful because there might be some who have never been concerned with or even thought to wonder if their pastor, their priest, their bishop, their minister or whatever they call their preacher is actually preaching the true word of God to them. And of course on the flip side of that is the mentality, which is that well there doesn’t even need to be a preacher in order to hear the word of God. 

Dear friends as we always do in this program and in every program produced by the Church Of Christ we will address these questions by reading the answers right here recorded in the Holy Bible. Kristina’s question of how can we tell if God is speaking to us through a pastor.

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Question: How can we tell if God is speaking to us through a pastor?

Brother Bob: It’s actually perfectly aligned with the instruction to us from the apostles. And let’s read one of those in this recorded in 1 John chapter 4, verse 1:

My dear friends, do not believe all who claim to have the Spirit, but test them to find out if the spirit they have comes from God. For many false prophets have gone out everywhere.

[1 John 4:1 Good News Translation]

False Preachers

Brother Bob: According to what is written here, dear friends, we should not believe—were instructed not to believe just anyone who may be claiming to have the spirit or presents [themselves] as a messenger sent by God. Why? Because there are many false prophets according to the Apostle John, many false prophets who have gone out into the world. Therefore, Kristina you are on the right track or Kristina has the proper frame of mind to ask that question, how can I tell? How can we tell, dear friends, know even if the one is sent by God or not?

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Question: How can we tell if God is speaking to us through a pastor?

Brother Bob: The Bible’s instruction was clear. He said test them to find out. So obviously the next question that we have to pose together is, what’s the test and how do we test those who would be presenting themselves as a preacher or a spokesperson of God, true preacher?

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Question: What’s the test? How do we test those who present themselves as a “preacher” or a “spokesperson” of God?

Brother Bob: But before we delve into the Bible’s explanation of how to test the preacher to see if he’s really sent by God, let’s first understand, why is it so important to do that? 

“How can they hear without a preacher?”

Brother Bob: Why do we need to know that? Dear friends, because what would be the harm if one ended up listening to and following a preacher that is not sent by God? Maybe many would think that, “Well, they’re safe as long as they’re holding, as they’re reading from the Bible. That should be good enough.” But listen to the response of the Holy Scriptures, this time in the writings of Apostle Peter. Second Peter 3:16, he wrote:

This is what he says in all his letters when he writes on the subject. There are some difficult things in his letters which ignorant and unstable people explain falsely, as they so with other passages of the Scriptures. So they bring on their own destruction.

[2 Peter 3:16 Good News Translation]

Brother Bob: So we can clearly see here, dear friends that there are people who are explaining the passages of the scriptures, but doing so falsely. And although all you know they might sound like they know what they are saying, what did the Bible call them? The Bible calls them ignorant and stated here that they are bringing on their own destruction. So consider this, if the false preacher is headed to destruction where do you think all those who listen, all those who follow him are also heading? Destruction too, of course. Exactly.

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It’s so vital to know if a preacher is truly from God.

Brother Bob: That’s why it’s so vital to know if a preacher is truly sent by God. So dear friends, what is the benefit of actually hearing a genuine preacher of God? Again, we go to the Bible for the answer and this time is recorded in the book of Romans, Chapter 10, in fact verses 14 and 15. It says this:

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? . . .

[Romans 10:14-15 New King James Version]

Who can preach the gospel?

Brother Bob: So the benefit of hearing a genuine preacher of God is actually learning then how to properly call upon God. Notice the sequence of events that was recorded in these verses in the Bible so that that could happen. First, one cannot properly call to God or have his or her prayers heard by Him if they don’t believe in the Biblical instructions that God established to be heard.

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One cannot properly call to God if he doesn’t believe in God’s biblical instructions.

Brother Bob: Then next, there’s no way that one would be able to believe in those biblical instructions if in fact they have never been taught those instructions.

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One cannot believe in those biblical instructions if he has never been taught those commands.

Brother Bob: And one would not correctly be taught God’s commands if they never encounter or hear a genuine preacher sent by God.

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One would not correctly be taught God’s commands if he never encounters or hears a genuine preacher from God.

Brother Bob: Therefore, dear friends, finding a genuine preacher is the first step that one has to take in order to be able to call upon God. Again, that’s why it’s so vital to know if a preacher is truly from God or not. So we should take notice that a genuine preacher has the authority from God to preach.

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A genuine preacher has an authority from God to preach.

Brother Bob: It’s not just their own proclamation, “I’m a preacher.” Why? Because God is the one who sends him. That’s what we just read. And if one is not sent by God he will not be able to correctly preach God’s words. That’s what the Bible says. And how so they preach unless they are sent? 

Preaching the gospel: The difference between true and false preachers

Brother Bob:So now that we know the value of a true preacher sent by God, let’s find out, [how] are we going to be able to tell if one is true or not true? Well what’s the test that only a true preacher, one who has the spirit and is truly sent by God? What is the test that only he can pass? Well, listen to what’s recorded here in the Holy Scriptures. The writings of the Prophet Isaiah 8:20 says:

To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word. It is because there is no light in them.

[Isaiah 8:20 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, the Bible clearly states that one has to speak according to the law and speak according to the testimony, in order to prove that there is light or truth in him. It’s the criteria that a preacher has to meet in order to prove or demonstrate that they are indeed sent by God to preach. So what is that law mentioned here? What’s the law and what is that testimony referred to here in the prophecy of Isaiah that will serve the evidence that a preacher is truly sent by God? Let’s take a look at those two criteria. Let’s find out first, what is that law that was mentioned there and how would a true preacher speak according to the law?

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Question: What is the law and how would a true preacher of God speak according to the law?

Brother Bob: Jesus Christ, of course being an undisputed true preacher sent by God, well he’s the one who gives the answer and he does so here in John Chapter 7 verses 16, 17 and 18. I quote:

Jesus answered them and said, “My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me. If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is God or whether I speak on My own authority. He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who seeks the glory on the One who sent Him is true, and no unrighteousness is in Him.

[John 7: 16-18 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Here, dear friends, Jesus Himself explains that we would be able to know who is true. How? Concerning that doctrine or God’s law. Jesus did not preach His own doctrine.

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Christ, being a true preacher from God, spoke only to God’s law and not His own.

Brother Bob: Christ Himself, of course being a true preacher sent from God, spoke only according to God’s law and not His own. It’s already known that God’s laws and doctrines are written right here in the Holy Bible. A true preacher sent by God to preach God’s words will teach by reading God’s words written here in the Bible. Then if someone is preaching claiming that what they’re preaching is from the Bible, he must then read it to prove that he is speaking according to the law. If he cannot read what he is preaching then it’s a clear sign that he is not speaking from God, but instead is speaking from Himself. And of course then this would prove that he’s not sent by God to preach and would automatically then disqualify him from the test. In short he fails the test.

There are many preachers that are well versed in the Bible even if they could memorize it you know, citing different biblical passages in their sermons. We have already learned very important truths. Number one: false preachers will also use the Bible but will explain it falsely. That’s why we read that from Apostle Peter.

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1. False preachers will also use the Bible but will explain the meaning falsely.

2. Reading the Bible is not the only criteria of the test.

Brother Bob: Number two: reading the Bible is not the only criteria of the test. Remember that one must speak according to the law and according to the testimony. That’s what we read in Isaiah 8:20. So let’s find out now what is the testimony that a true preacher of God will speak according to? And we can read here in the book of Revelation 19:10:

And I fell at his feet to worship him. But he said to me, “See that you do not do that! I am your fellow servant, and of your brethren who have the testimony of Jesus. Worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

[Revelation 19:10 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, this is so important the testimony that a true preacher from God will speak according to the spirit of prophecy because God is the one who sends His messengers to preach. He is also the one, then, who validates them. How does he do that? Through biblical prophecy. A true preacher sent by God would be able to speak according to the particular prophecy about him, which would testify that he is indeed from God.

So let’s take a look at this a little bit deeper.

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Question: Who are some examples of messengers sent by God to preach that spoke according to the biblical testimony of their authority?

Three Biblical examples of messengers sent by God

Brother Bob: Let’s look at some examples of messengers sent by God to preach that spoke according to the biblical testimony of their authority. Let’s take a look at three examples. 

Lord Jesus Christ

Let’s start with our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, one of God’s own prophecies regarding His son Jesus Christ.

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Jesus Christ

Brother Bob: Well we all know is the greatest messenger of all. We can read that testimony recorded here in the writings of Prophet Isaiah 61, verse 1 and 2:

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn,

[Isaiah 61:1-2 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Dear friends, we should take notice in this verse that in this prophecy there is no mention of the messenger’s name. How would we know? How would we know whom then it’s referring to? Who then will explain and speak according to the testimony of the messenger mentioned here? It will be that particular messenger himself. How did Jesus do that? How did he speak according to this prophecy that testified of His authority being sent by God? Here it is. It’s recorded in Luke Chapter 4 verses 17 through 21:

And He was handed the book of the prophet Isaiah. And when He had opened the book, He found the place where it was written: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Then He closed the book, and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all who were in the synagogue were fixed on Him. 21 And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

[Luke 4:17-21 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Jesus Himself explained that He was in fact the one referred to in the prophecy. John the Baptist is another example of one sent by God to preach and he spoke according to biblical testimony concerning his authority. What was God’s prophecy regarding him? Let’s read that as well. It’s also recorded in the writings of the prophet Isaiah, Chapter 40, verse 3:

The voice of one crying in the wilderness: “Prepare the way of the Lord; Make straight in the desert A highway for our God.

[Isaiah 40:3 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: Notice again that the messenger’s name is not mentioned, the one referred to as crying in the wilderness. 

John the Baptist

It did not mention his specific name but how did John the Baptist speak according to this testimony concerning him? Him being sent by God? let’s read that. It’s recorded in the in the writings of apostle John, chapter 1 verses 19 through 23:

Now this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, and did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?” And he answered, “No.” Then they said to him, “Who are you, that we may give an answer to those who sent us? What do you say about yourself?”  He said: “I am ‘The voice of one crying in the wilderness: “Make straight the way of the Lord,” ’as the prophet Isaiah said.”

[John 1:19-23 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: John the Baptist here, dear friends he explained, he himself is the one that explained that while he was in fact the one referred to in the prophecy of Isaiah. That prophecy gave testimony of him. 

Apostle Paul

Another example of this is Apostle Paul. We can read another prophecy. In this prophecy is a testimony of Apostle Paul’s authority. Let’s read one more testimony. This one again going back to the prophet Isaiah 49:6:

Indeed He says, ‘It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant

To raise up the tribes of Jacob, And to restore the preserved ones of Israel; I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles, That You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth.’ ”

[Isaiah 49:6 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: By now, dear friends, we should notice God’s policy. His policy when making a prophecy regarding a messenger he will send in the future. First of all, He does not include the name of the messenger. That’s one. It is the messenger himself that will speak according to the testimony. Did Apostle Paul make known that he was God’s messenger? In Acts 13:46 and 47 it says this. Let’s listen to the to the Apostle Paul here:

Then Paul and Barnabas grew bold and said, “It was necessary that the word of God should be spoken to you first; but since you reject it, and judge yourselves unworthy of everlasting life, behold, we turn to the Gentiles. For so the Lord has commanded us: ‘I have set you as a light to the Gentiles, That you should be for salvation to the ends of the earth.’ ”

[Acts 13:46-47 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: As we can see here, dear friends, in these Biblical examples the messenger of God sent to preach His words not only speaks according to the law of God or the true doctrine, but also reveals the prophecy validating that God Himself is the one that has really sent them. In this way we would always be able to know who is actually sent by God and who is just claiming to be because anyone can make the claim. 

Some might think you know that, “Can a false preacher just make a claim like that? Well the Apostle Paul made the claim. John the Baptist made a claim. Jesus made the claim.” But they read the testimony. They read the prophecy concerning them, the Bible verse. They could say that anyone could just claim to be a messenger of God. How can we know, how could we do the test, apply the test?

How to prove a preacher is the fulfillment of a Biblical prophecy

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Question: How can we tell if a particular preacher is actually the fulfillment of a biblical prophecy?

Brother Bob: If a preacher is speaking to the testimony or a biblical prophecy is it really truly about them? It’s a very good question that’s posed there because the best one to answer that, first of all it can’t be said it has to be Jesus Himself because many people, in fact, did not even believe Him even after He revealed the prophecy that He was a messenger sent by God. Let’s take a look at what was recorded here in John Chapter 5:36:

But I have a greater witness than John’s; for the works which the Father has given Me to finish—the very works that I do—bear witness of Me, that the Father has sent Me.

[John 5:36 New King James Version]

Brother Bob: It’s so important, dear friends, because Christ explains that it’s the work being done or accomplished. If it’s the same work that God gave in the prophecy, which proves then or bears witness that one is a messenger sent by God or that that one is fulfilling the prophecy, if they don’t do the work contained in the prophecy it can’t be speaking about them. Being able to fulfill the work stated in the biblical prophecy is something that a false preacher will never be able to do and that will reveal who is true, who is false. So as the apostle stated in the verse we read earlier, we should not believe just anyone who presents themselves as a preacher from God.

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We should not believe just anyone who presents themselves as preachers from God, but instead we need to test them first.

Brother Bob: What was the instruction? He said test them first. Because if one cannot read in the Bible what is the authority for their preaching, if he cannot reveal the biblical prophecy that testifies of their authority as a messenger of God, if one has not accomplished the work stated in the prophecy, then that person, that preacher fails the test. And then he’s not sent by God should not be listened to. He is a false preacher. One has no right to preach God’s words unless God sends him to do so. But if we are fortunate enough to encounter a genuine preacher sent by God in connection with the fulfillment of biblical prophecy, we should pay very close attention to it to every word that is preached. Why? Because God will make His will known through him. This is what we should believe. This is what we believe also here inside the Church of Christ. Why? Because that’s in the Bible.

Dear friends, when you’re ready to learn more about this and all the other fundamental teachings found here inside the Church of Christ please visit incmedia.org.

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learn more at incmedia.org

Brother Bob: Because there you’ll find various series of programs dedicated to answering your spiritual questions. You can also follow our Facebook pages

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follow us on Facebook:

/IglesiaNiCristoNewsandUpdates

/IglesiaNiCristoMedia

Brother Bob:  Iglesia Ni Cristo news and updates. Also Iglesia Ni Cristo Media. There you can view more of our shows and see how the church gets involved also with the community. You can find out all about that incgiving.org.

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learn more at incgiving.org

Brother Bob: To find a house of worship. Visit iglesianicristo.net.

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find a house of worship near you:

IglesiaNiCristo.net/directory

Brother Bob: If you have questions that you’d like answered here on this show

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Do you have questions about the Bible?

Brother Bob: please email them to answers@incmedia.org

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answers@incmedia.org

Brother Bob: From all of us here in That’s in the Bible team, thank you so much for joining us and we’ll see you again next time here on That’s in the Bible.


Posted in Baptism and Church Membership, Prayer, Programs, That's in the Bible, That’s in the Bible, Topics, True Christianity, Video

My Baby Is A Heart Warrior

My Baby Is A Heart Warrior

At 18 weeks pregnant, a young couple learns their 2nd child would battle Congenital Heart Disease. They’ve learned to find blessings in God’s plan.


Lois Paula Riturban: How are you?

Isla Riturban: *baby babble*

Lois Paula: With any kind of abnormality in pregnancies, the parents automatically––most especially, the moms––they question, “What did I do?”

Emirick Haro: Exactly.

Mariel Gutierrez: Yes. Yes.

Lois Paula: But again, to just know that, “Okay, it’s okay because this is what God gave me and He chose us to carry this, He can carry it for us as well.”

[Show Open]

Mariel: Parenting isn’t easy. It’s challenging and frustrating, but it’s also rewarding and inspiring…we just need a few reminders. Hey parents, you’re not alone.  Let’s do this parenting thing together.  I’m Mariel Gutierrez.

Emirick: And I’m Emirick Haro, we are the Tired BUT inspired moms and you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. 

Mariel: Those first few swells of the heartbeat through a stethoscope; you wait 12 weeks for a confirmation after taking that pregnancy test, right? And ta-da! You’re pregnant. That confirmation can fill any parent––any mom––with excitement, fear, and maybe a few concerns.

Emirick: I heard that sound three times in my life and there are no words to describe the emotions.

Mariel: Three times, “You’re pregnant!” Three times?

Emirick: Three times!

Mariel: Right. You go through the motions and you hope––you’re just filled with all of these hopes, all at once, right? You’re imagining everything. And so is everyone else around you. They’re always hoping––or they’re saying things like, “Oh, I hope it’s a girl!”, “I hope it’s a boy!” And you, of course, have these dreams and hopes for the baby right away. At the same time, you’re immediately aware of all the things that can come up and can go wrong, right? Thanks Google, thanks WebMD.

Emirick: Yup, I know what you mean. You totally start planning and dreaming. But ultimately, you just hope and pray that your baby comes out healthy and happy.

Mariel: Right. So, what happens when your fears become warranted during pregnancy? What happens when you learn something isn’t “status quo” with your baby? How do you keep moving forward? Can life still be normal? 

Emirick: Joining us in our conversation today is Lois Paula Riturban. When she was 18 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child, Isla, she learned her baby girl would have to battle Congenital Heart Disease. A disease that would put Isla at risk in any stage of her life. The doctors prepared Lois and her husband for all the worst-case scenarios, and while it’s been challenging and heartbreaking they’re thankful for the silver linings, answered prayers, and life lessons. 

Mar: And she’s on with us right now, Hi Lois Paula. 

Lois Paula: Hi, Mar! Hello, Emirick! Thanks for having me!

Emirick: Thanks for finding the time. I mean, you work full time from home, right?

Lois Paula: Yes, that is correct.

Emirick: And in the meantime, you’re helping your oldest son, Ryder, with school. Is he in distance learning right now?

Lois Paula: He is! He’s in virtual kindergarten. So, we’re learning how to kindergarten from home.

Emirick: And you’re caring for baby Isla while your husband, Glenn, is back to work at the office, right?

Lois Paula: Yes, that’s correct. Glenn, thankfully, is approved to actually work remote––or from home––like many of us are these days, a few days of the week. So, it definitely helps my sanity as our five-year-old learns how to kindergarten, like I mentioned. Isla’s just as high-spirited––she’s almost a toddler, so she’s kind of getting into that zone. My sister actually calls her a sour patch because she can be really super sweet on the inside but definitely a little sour sometimes, a little sassy. Some people call it spicy, whatever you want to call it––she’s a fighter.

Emirick: Why do you think Isla’s such a feisty little girl?

Lois Paula: Well, just as mentioned earlier, when I was 18 weeks pregnant, my husband and I were told that our baby girl has Congenital Heart Disease. Even as a fetus, she fought just to grow. We were told to prepare for a long road ahead. Every heart defect––so, just as a simple background for Congenital Heart Disease, or heart defects––every heart’s different; every defect’s different; every person or child or baby’s different, so she could need one surgery, is what we were told. We also were told she could need three or that she could need a heart transplant later on. So, we were told that surgery and medication could help but there really is no cure; that fixes would be there but they would only just help prolong the function of her heart. So, there were definitely uncertainties, to say the least, but they knew for sure that she would need operations. When? We were just told, “Okay, well we’ll see.”

Mariel & Emirick: Wow.

Lois Paula: So, of course, all this waiting and anticipation––when you’re pregnant, it’s just a bunch of waiting, because you go through this nesting period being pregnant, you go through, “Okay, I’m going to pick a name. We’re going to do this, we’re going to do that, prepare our house.” And then, you could just kind of wait. The first thing that we did after learning––after sitting down with the doctor––right after leaving the hospital, we went straight to the chapel and we prayed. That was the only thing that we knew––we didn’t know anything else––but we knew that we needed to go to the chapel to talk to God and to seek guidance from the ministers. So, that in itself, was like, “Okay, day 1: let’s get through this.” And then, from there, of course we were told all this guidance from the physicians, we were introduced to all of these communities of heart moms and heart parents and Congenital Heart Disease this and that. There’s a rabbit hole of research that anyone can go through but there were also inspiring stories of conquering and overcoming it. And above all, there was guidance from our spiritual leaders, telling us to trust. And that, in itself––that was, of course, the biggest thing that we could lean on.

Mariel: What were your prayers like leading up to the birth?

Lois Paula: Oh, man…our prayers were simple. Whatever the outcome was, we just prayed that we’d have peace in our hearts to understand whatever it is that we needed to do for the situation. And peace in our hearts, clarity of our mind, and just the strength to move forward. And really, to just love God even harder, no matter what our everyday life would become because we had no clue but we knew, at the end of the day, we needed to love God above all, regardless of what we were given or what was taken from us.

Mariel: You know, that’s like a really brave prayer, to be okay with the outcome; to have peace with whatever God decides. It’s a beautiful prayer. It sounds simple but I bet it took a lot of courage to get there.

Emirick: So, I’m going to ask you now about the day she was born. Okay? I’m curious because as we’re following this story––so, you’re told at 18 months that––18 months? Sorry. 18 weeks!

Mariel: What is she? An elephant?

Lois Paula: Can you imagine being pregnant for 18 months?

Emirick: No. No, no, no, no. So, at 18 weeks, you’re told that there’s going to be an issue and that it’s going to be a life-long battle. There might not be a cure––or there is no cure, they’re telling you that and all that. So, I’m just curious, what happened the day she was born?

Lois Paula: Different from normal pregnancies, instead of just one or two physicians being in there, there was a team of about 20 in there.

Mariel & Emirick: Oh, wow.

Lois Paula: It was awkward but they were ready. The hospital staff were ready with the NICU team, the specialty team, the cardiac team––they were all there, supporting this birth and this moment, which was very humbling. And so, she was born––thank God––on June 11th. And within minutes of her being born, of course, they had to just really quickly take her to the side table, do some self checks. But they wrapped her up and after that moment, what is it that you remember, guys? After they kind of clean the baby up, they give them back to you, right?

Mariel & Emirick: Yeah. Skin to skin.

Lois Paula: The moment––yeah––that every mom dreams of; every parent dreams of. They had her bundled up and they leaned over to say, “I just wanted to show you your daughter but we have to take her away now.” She was blue, so her face––all we saw, of course, was her face––but her face was blue because she wasn’t receiving enough oxygen. That’s what happens when the heart isn’t functioning properly. It cannot pump––it’s not strong enough to pump blood throughout your entire body, to go to the lungs and kind of be received by the entire body. So, she was turning blue so I was like, “Thank you so much. Hi, baby! Okay, go ahead! Take her, take her, take her! Go ahead, do what you need to do! Save her!”

Mariel: “Save her life!” 

Lois Paula: Then, of course, we just said our silent prayers really quick. And then, that was that and then, we kind of just waited. She was with the NICU staff and days after that, her breathing function, her oxygen saturation, started slowly going down. And then, on her 15th day of life, she received her first open-heart surgery. If you think about how large a heart is, if you guys take out your thumb and you look at your fingernail, a baby’s heart is smaller than that.

Mariel & Emirick: Wow!

Lois Paula: It’s the size of a walnut, supposedly. So they operate on that tiny little thing, so we were like, “Okay…” Then, the time came, they said, “Okay. Would you like to walk with us?” Like, “Okay…where are we going?” And so, they wheeled her down the hall and we followed right behind the physicians. We wheeled around a few corners and of course, our bodies are trembling. We were holding each other’s hands tightly and we were praying. And then, we stood there as they wheeled her off and the door swung closed and I can’t…that moment of surrender…just…I just…I collapsed in the hallway, just not knowing what the next hour or so would look like. We were told the surgery would be seven hours. That’s just one case. In other cases, it could be longer or shorter.

Emirick: Were the doctors positive? Were they always like, “Everything’s going to be okay,” or––?

Lois Paula: They were positive that she would have some kind of surgery. What they were not positive on was what type of surgery and what the outcome would be. So, we were told to prepare for two scenarios. One scenario being she would have what’s called an arterial switch and it would be this one procedure that she would be fixed and unless something happens down the line––patches are loosened, leaky valves, whatever the case may be––then she should be good to go. Second scenario was if things didn’t––the surgeon told us if things didn’t work out well in the operating room, they would have to go to a plan b, wherein they would find a temporary fix and would be, for sure, scheduling the next open heart surgery and possibly, one or two more after that. So, we’d be looking at a line of surgeries every year after her birth.

Mariel: Wow.

Lois Paula: We were waiting in the waiting room. We see other parents there among us. They’re holding their breath every time a surgeon walks in. We were praying and finally, the assistant surgeon pops in. We’re like, “This is it.” Then, he leaves.

Mariel & Emirick: No!

Lois Paula: “Were you just checking that we were there?” …something’s wrong?” Of course, your mind goes crazy. “There’s a complication!” “Something’s happening!” Eventually, he came out. He did explain that it took longer because of X, Y, and Z complications but…she was okay and the surgery was successful. In her recovery room, our first steps to see her, there’s tubes everywhere, there’s monitors beeping––there’s just a bunch of medical devices everywhere that’s it’s just––it’s so much to take in. You just look at her and you just physically see her heart beating out of her chest. It’s an insanely beautiful, humbling moment that we were able to see that; to just know that this is the creation of God. And it is Him who’s allowing this to happen and her heart is beating because of Him. And she looks like this but it’s okay because it’s beating.

Emirick: I was reading your blog and it was very touching and informative. You mentioned how, in the beginning, you did keep silent, hoping that you could hold onto a sense of normal, right, having difficulty facing the situation? And it kind of touched a chord with me because I have a son who’s different and it wasn’t something I could have ever planned for. And in the beginning of my experience with my son, I just wanted it to be normal. And I didn’t know how to face it. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted my vision of what everything should be like to happen. And so, when I was reading that, I identified with your feeling, with that emotion. But then, you talked about how your perspective changed in a way to help you embrace this experience. And actually, you called it a beautiful experience. There are a lot of people in the world who, when they’re faced with this kind of different experience, they get angry and there’s that entitlement. Like, “If life isn’t the way I expected it, then I’m angry with God.” But you took a totally different perspective. What changed that perspective in you? Where did you go, from trying to keep it quiet, trying to hold onto that old normal to now, embracing this?

Lois Paula: That’s such a great question. I think it took many, many prayers. And even now, it’s that constant struggle to be present and to know that there is a purpose in everything; that we can’t just take it at face-value and be kind of left in the slums with what we have. But there’s this greater responsibility, as children of God, to do something and to say something, and to make known how amazing His miracles are in our life, whether it’s big or small, whether it’s the birth of a child, whether it’s the birth of your sixth child, whatever it may be, it’s a blessing because, the way that I saw it, it was like, “Wow. He chose me? He chose us?”

Mariel: Right.

Lois Paula: Who are we to have to undergo this? And although it’s difficult, He sees something in us, to be able to take it and to grow stronger from it. And then, not be selfish and not keep quiet, but to use it. And so, until this day, I’m finding the courage to be positive about it and to look back and know that she is special. That every child and every person with, whether it’s a medical condition or a disability or anything of the sort, that goes against or is different from the normal of what we all know, that it is special and there’s a story to be told, and a responsibility to share, again, of how God has worked through that.

Throughout the first month of her life, we’re so grateful because we were guided to always update the Church Administration and to write to our Executive Minister, Brother Eduardo V. Manalo. And that in itself was just a very, very humbling opportunity, to just let him know how our daughter was and how the ministers that are guiding us are helping us get through it.  They would visit regularly to anoint her with oil and to pray for her every step.

Mariel: For all of those who are listening, anointing of oil is important for us members of the Church Of Christ because it’s a command from the Bible that when we are sick, we call on the elders who are the officers of the Church Of Christ to pray for us and anoint us with oil.

Emirick: So, what is life like today with your one-year-old daughter? 16 months later, right?

Lois Paula: Yes, 16 months later.

Emirick: What’s going on?

Lois Paula: Isla is so high-spirited. She’s as normal as a one-year-old can act. But to us, she will always be special. We don’t want to think of it like it’s something that is a disability to her but at the same time, I want to remember it and cherish it like she is this warrior. That’s why in the community of CHD, the moms call their kids “heart warriors” because they fought at the onset of being created and born and they’re still fighting every day. It’s this constant thing that the families of those with these conditions undergo. But it’s a blessing. She’s amazing, she’s feisty. She’s a beautiful one-year-old, living life and being a daily reminder of how blessed we are.

Emirick: Yeah…wow.

Mariel: You have a miracle that probably eats Cheerios 

Lois Paula: And she eats my arms. I’m just kidding.

Mariel: You have a toddler essentially now, right?

Emirick: She’s walking, talking, all that great stuff, already?

Lois Paula: Ah, she’s dancing, yelling, screaming. I’m just kidding. That’s why she’s a sour patch!

Mariel: Wow, it sounds like she’s really good at being one.

Lois Paula: Almost at two, she’s almost there. I’m just kidding. But no, we’re grateful. All the moms can attest that it’s just a beautiful journey and sometimes, it’s not what we expect but it’s special nonetheless.

Mariel: Right. That’s like the literal, I guess, manifestation of taking things day by day, right? 

Emirick: Yeah, totally. And just being optimistic and surrendering to God and the situation that you’ve been blessed with. And to see it as a blessing. Right?

Mariel: Right. That is beautiful.

Emirick: Yeah, instead of something that––even though it is a hardship, there’s no denying that. Just to see it as God’s blessing and some sort of purpose to be fulfilled, so…it’s amazing. I love it.

Mariel: Me too. And I love her name, too––Isla. That’s kind of like half way through “I love you”. I like that!

Lois Paula: The way that I think about it, she’s my mini-me. So, my name, Lois Paula––the last two letters of Lois, I-S; Paula, L-A––is iz-lah or eye-lah.

Mariel: Okay!

Lois Paula: She’s my mini-me! Isla!

Mariel: Ohhhh…and that’s why she’s so feisty! See?

Lois Paula: She’s emotional. Just kidding!

Mariel: Yeah, I know. I love it. It’s such a beautiful story. I wanted to thank you again for sharing it with us. But what I do want to ask now––of course, we know there are parents and moms that are probably going through something scary now, through either pregnancy, maybe a little after their pregnancy, maybe they just learned that their baby is going to have to live with a few challenges. What would you tell them? What would your advice to them be?

Lois Paula: One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned, and for any parent who has to undergo anything like this––God forbid––is that God’s our best friend. People might leave, our children may age, we have our spouses to tag team with but at the end of the day, the one  who will always understand us and that we can speak to endlessly, and cry to endlessly without any regard or reservation, is God. It’s God. And He’ll be there. So, He’s our best friend. 

Mariel: Totally. I feel like that’s liberating too, when you welcome that acceptance into your life, that it’s not on you. Because God can, obviously, carry so much more for you. So, it’s kind of like, “Well, it’s not all on me to fix, to solve or to anything.”

Emirick: You feel lighter.

Mariel: Totally. It’s liberating.

Lois Paula: And the big thing, actually, with any kind of abnormality in pregnancies is the parents automatically––most especially the moms––they question, “What did I do?” 

Emirick: Exactly!

Mariel: Yes. Yes.

Lois Paula: Because it’s something coming from our bodies, it’s just a human instinct to question, “What did I do wrong? Where did I––did I eat the wrong foods? Did I run too fast? Did I not sleep right?” Anything. We will question ourselves because we’re caring. It’s just our nature. But again, to just know that, “Okay, it’s okay because this is what God gave me and He chose us to carry this.” And you mentioned, He can carry it for us as well.

Mariel: It’s so much easier when He does.

Emirick: That is the greatest advice.

Mariel: I agree.

Emirick: And if we can adjust our mind and our perspective to that, it does, it becomes liberating and it becomes purposeful, and you just keep going bravely. So, thank you for sharing that advice with us.

Mariel: I’m excited. I’m really excited to watch Isla grow. I am. For her to grow into her purpose as well and learn about her journey, the more she’ll understand it in the future. I’m super excited about that part. But of course, both Isla and Ryder are very blessed to have you and Glenn. And I want to thank you again, Lois, for sharing your story with us. I know it couldn’t have been easy to have to go back and relive some of that stuff. So, we appreciate you. So, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Lois Paula: Thank you. Thank you for the platform and for the open hearts to just have this community of tired but inspired moms, to keep going and to move us forward. So, thank you guys.

Emirick: You are proof that we mamas can do it. We may have to cry it out sometimes, maybe even second-guess ourselves, like what you were saying, but with prayer, we’ll all get through it.

Mariel & Lois Paula: Yes.

Mariel: So, thanks for listening to this episode of Faith and Family. If you’re enjoying listening to us talk, laugh, cry, build each other up, you can download more on Google Podcast, iHeart Radio and Apple Podcast under Faith and Family. Please leave us a review, just say “hi”. And everyone, please take care and stay safe.

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Posted in Common Problems, Faith and Family, Faith and Family Podcast, Prayer
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