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Category: Common Problems

Cross Border Love During A Pandemic

Cross Border Love During A Pandemic
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Zachary and Isabelle are a long-distance and cross-border relationship success story! Find out how Zach, from Canada, found himself moving thousands of miles away to marry Issy, the missing puzzle piece that completed him.


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Cross Border Love During a Pandemic

[Show Opens]

Myrtle Alegado: With today’s technology the world doesn’t seem so large, and we can easily connect with friends and family. It has even made it easier to find a romantic love interest across borders, or even across the world, and stay in a long-distance relationship. We’ll discuss more about this in our episode today.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: Our newlyweds, for this Happy Life episode, are a long-distance, cross border, transnational love story success! Zachary is originally from Toronto, Canada, and Isabelle is from the Bay Area of Northern California.

Thanks for agreeing to chat with us today on Happy Life, Zach and Isabelle.

Zachary Sese: Hello, Myrtle. Hello, everyone. Thank you.

Isabelle Sese: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Myrtle: So how was your day today?

Zachary: Not bad. We’re here traveling towards an area in Wyoming, a long drive.

Isabelle: Yeah, it was a long drive. This is our seventh state in the past seven days.

Zachary: We’ve traveled seven states in seven days, yeah.

Myrtle: Wow! Well, we appreciate that you’re joining us today, despite your traveling, and despite all the distance that you’ve logged on your car probably.

So we’ve had a lot of previous Happy Life guests who were also in long-distance relationships before marriage, but we haven’t really discussed, in depth, the challenges of being in one. Why don’t you two share how you met, and how you got engaged, and of course eventually married.

Zachary: Before we were married, we were actually both District KADIWA presidents. It’s an organization in the Church Of Christ for the youth that’s aged 18 and up who aren’t married. In 2018, we had a KadCon. This is a conference for those members within that organization. I was actually District KADIWA vice president at the time. Part of this activity is that we recorded something with KADIWA officers all across North America, and these videos would be shown to every local [congregation] across the world.

Through these videos, that’s where I actually noticed Isabelle in one of the videos. I guess she definitely caught my eye. I started to like her from those videos. So, I guess you could say I was a fan of her, but I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought she was cute, she was pretty. And it turned out that Isabelle had actually visited Toronto recently to attend a wedding, and the friend that I mentioned to had actually met Isabelle. So yes, it was actually interesting. We actually had mutual friends already.

Myrtle: That’s so cool.

Isabelle: Yeah, so two months after that KadCon, late 2018 so probably late December and even early January 2019, the friend that Zach told that I was cute, shout out to Chryselle, she actually messaged me. She said that she had friends who were visiting the Bay Area for vacation. So she asked if I could meet up with them and tour them around. Then she eventually gave me Zach’s contact information.

So when I did reach out to Zach, I asked him for his itinerary, when they were planning to be visiting. But when I found out the dates he was visiting the Bay Area, it just so happened that I was going to be in the Philippines, so we didn’t actually get to meet in person. But we did start messaging on Telegram starting from then.

Zachary: Based on that, when we started messaging, I personally thought that she had no idea I was interested in her. I thought I was playing my cards right.

Myrtle: Playing it cool?

Zachary: Yeah [laughs], but we just kept talking and sending video messages to each other. And it was when she got back to California, after her trip, we started to video chat with one another, and then in January or February 2019 I finally told her that I liked her. And then from there, she mentioned, “Hey, you know, you’ve got to ask my parents.”

So in April 2019, so just a few months after, when I was able to get enough vacation days, I flew to California and asked her parents if I could officially court her. And then, thankfully, we got engaged two years later in June of 2021. Actually, I wanted it to be sooner. I wanted to propose, actually, the year before that. But because of COVID-19, the restrictions were really tough. So, I was just waiting for that one opportunity to just be able to fly.And then we ended up getting married in January 2022.

Myrtle: Yeah, that darn COVID.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah.

Myrtle: You know, if anything, it kind of taught us patience a little bit didn’t it?

Zachary: Yeah. [laughs]

Isabelle: It definitely did.

Myrtle: Well, that was kind of a whirlwind, you know, relationship from 2019 to getting married in 2021. What were the biggest challenges in having a cross-border long-distance relationship or, you know, what people call LDR?

Zachary: See, what’s actually funny is that before I met Isabelle, I actually didn’t want to date anyone from the West Coast. I apologize to anyone from the West Coast. Just hear me out. [laughs] It’s just that it’s far from Toronto, and I always thought that there was a big challenge with the time zone. The three hours, it can get pretty, pretty difficult especially later at night.

But when we did get to see each other it was never long enough to visit, and the limited vacation days and other responsibilities, it made it really hard for us to be able to have a lot of time to really spend with one another.

Isabelle: So for my side, very opposite side of the spectrum compared to Zach. I’ve actually been in long-distance relationships, and I actually preferred it because I had a little bit more of independence. But when Zach and I were in an LDR, I thought it was way more difficult because I knew he was the one, and I wanted to be with him already, especially in person.


So, I guess the biggest challenge was to be patient while waiting to see each other in person. With the three hour time zone difference, it was definitely difficult to schedule quality time, because whenever I was sleeping, like early in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. And then whenever he was getting ready to sleep, I was just getting out of work. So, that was pretty difficult for us to coordinate, especially with our busy lives, but we found a way. He would usually just stay up till 2am and wait for me. So that’s how we were able to find our quality time.

Zachary: Actually to interject with that, it’s funny because the years that we were dating, because I really pushed myself to stay up for her to adjust to the time zone, I  think all these years I’ve always been on the west coast time zone.

Myrtle: [laughs] You started training yourself early, I guess. Well you know, I completely understand, because when my husband and I were dating, way before video chats were even available by the way, he lived in Hawaii and I was in Toronto. So, our time difference was six hours.

Isabelle: Oh, wow!

Zachary: Oh, man!

Myrtle: Yeah but you know, we made it work too. So, that’s one thing you take away from long-distance relationships, right? You put in a little bit more work, but it’s worthwhile.

So is there anything you enjoyed about having a cross-border, long-distance, relationship?

Isabelle: For me, I really liked being able to focus on my life. In relationships, when both people are from the same area, you tend to see that they devote a lot of time to each other, which is not a bad thing. But from my personal experience, I felt like I always put myself on the back burner and focused on the relationship only or more. So, being in a long-distance relationship, that really allowed me to find that balance. So, I got to spend more time with my parents, I focused on my career, my responsibilities with Church, and even my self-care time, and I got to spend time with Zach because we really had to schedule everything.

Zachary: We talk about it a lot that we both really enjoyed the space. I personally felt like I had the appropriate amount of space, and even though we were apart, it [was] almost as if we had the space, but we were still together because we would video call a lot with each other. So, I could do my activities, she could do her activities. I could perform my duties, she could perform her duties, and we could do whatever we needed to do. It was enough for us, because we were still in each other’s lives. But because we were so far from each other, we were very understanding that we both had our individual lives, our responsibilities, and priorities. And we never really had any arguments about the lack of attention or not having enough time for each other. So, the physical distance made us more understanding of the fact that we had other things to attend to.

Myrtle: Yeah, and then when you do, you know, have your time together it’s almost like you cherish it a little bit more, right?

Zachary: It definitely means more. We definitely valued every time when we were physically together. It really felt much more.

Myrtle: See, only LDR people know this, right? [laughs]

Zachary and Isabelle: [laugh]

Myrtle: Now aside from your video chatting, and your video calls, how else did you stay in touch and communicate with one another?

Zachary: Well, what’s interesting is that the way we actually met, per se, was through messaging. So, we were always used to communicating with one another that way. It started from text messaging, and then it evolved to sending video messages, and then eventually to video calls. So a good chunk of time, when we never hung out, was on video calls and we understood that was the nature of our relationship, and we were very understanding and supportive with that. We both used up a lot of our data usage during that time. And, you know, I would say phone plans are a lot better in America than in Canada, so it was a lot easier for her to keep up with our video calls versus me. Sometimes I had to tell her, “Sorry, I don’t have any more data. I’ve got to wait till I get home.” [laughs]

So, because of that, that we would use up our data or whatever internet we have, even when we were working at our offices, sometimes we’d stay on video call just for each other’s presence. That was enough for us. Knowing that we were far, just the fact that we know that we were there and it was almost like that was our support for each other. I promise you, we were not slacking off. [laughs]

Myrtle: Okay. [laughs]

Zachary: Actually to be honest, when we video call, I would probably say less than 50% we’re actually talking to each other.

Isabelle: It sounds really cheesy. We’re just staring at each other.

Zachary: No. [laughs]

Myrtle: No, I totally get it, because just having each other’s presence, even if you’re not saying anything, it’s a comfort knowing the other person is there. So, I totally understand.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah. And even during the pandemic, when we were just at home, or we’re doing chores, or attending meetings online, we just ended up staying on call with each other the entire time. Surprisingly, we never got tired of each other.

Myrtle: So, what were your parents’ reactions to your long-distance relationship and then, you know, getting engaged and having to decide who would move?

Isabelle: So, I’m very close to my parents. I also want to say I’m the youngest child, and I’m the only daughter. So, a lot of pressures of being their daughter, but overall my parents were really supportive throughout our relationship. My dad, if anyone knows my dad, they know that he is super strict, and he was extra strict on Zach.

Myrtle: Uh oh!

Isabelle: It’s as if he knew Zach was the one, so he did things to kind of test him throughout our courtship. But my parents were really happy that they were able to see Zach loves and he takes care of me, and they know that he’s a really great guy.

So, when we got engaged and we started preparing for the wedding, I could tell the idea of me leaving the house gave them some sort of separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome, especially for my dad. My mom, you could see a little bit of that in her, but she didn’t really show it. She actually showed it way differently. The week I got engaged, so the same week, she already started sketching out how she wanted to transform my room into her home office and crafts room.

Yeah, I remember I was working from home, and she just brings in her notepad and a pen and she just walks in and just starts drawing something, like ”What are you doing?” She’s like, “I’m trying to figure out where to put all my furniture when you move out.” So yeah, she was definitely a little more eager for me to leave. She was so very supportive of me and Zach.

In terms of moving, my parents wanted me to keep my job where I currently work, because I’m very blessed to have an amazing working relationship with my bosses and co-workers and work is very stable in that company. So, from what I initially researched, when I was looking at job opportunities in Canada, it would take me a minimum of one year for me to be able to legally find work if I were to move to Canada, which would have definitely been a challenge financially. But, ultimately, my parents, they knew that it was going to be Zach and I together for life. It’s our life together. And their advice to us was to keep a devotional prayer for God’s guidance on the best place for us to go.

Myrtle: Absolutely. Before we go to you, Zach, and you know your parents’ reactions to your relationship, what do you do for work, Isabelle?

Isabelle: I’m currently an electrical design engineer for an engineering consulting firm.

Myrtle: Oh, wow.

Isabelle: Oh, yeah. A very, very difficult program, but I’m really glad I stuck it through.

Myrtle: I see now. So if you moved to Canada, you would have to get recertified and whatnot.

Isabelle: Exactly, yeah.

Myrtle: Okay, I understand now. All right, Zach, you’re up.

Zachary: Well, when we first got together, my parents actually were very supportive and excited, knowing that I’m with someone that has the same values and faith. So my parents have always been the type to give me guidance on my relationships, but will also allow me to make my own decisions. I would say that was always kind of a good thing and a bad thing, because I liked it because, you know, they let me make decisions. But also sometimes when I’m confused, sometimes they’ll give me, like, a philosophical answer hoping I make the right decision. And sometimes I’m just like, “Can you just tell me what to do?” [laughs]

But jokes aside, it was really helpful that they allowed me to learn from everything. When I decided to fly to the Bay Area to visit Isabelle and ask for permission to court her, and later on to propose to her, my parents simply said, “Okay. Ask God for guidance to be sure of your decision.” That was always what they wanted, to make sure that everything that I do is reliant on God’s will and not my own.

My parents also wanted to keep me close, for sure, and wanted me to stay in Canada. And I think any parent would want their kids close, so it’s always only natural. Obviously, they hoped Isabelle would move to Canada, but they knew that wherever we ended up would be what God’s answers to our prayers were for us. So, maybe it was a bit hard, but they were more happy knowing that where we’re going is what God has for us, because they know that God knows what’s best for us.

Myrtle: Mmhmm, I’m sure that it was a little hard for them to let go, but they know God’s got you, right?

Well, when you got engaged, you know, aside from your work situations, what were the other things you looked into regarding moving after you got married?

Isabelle: So, when Zach just finished his master’s and he wanted a career change in that field, we thought that it was a really great opportunity to take advantage of the different job opportunities the Bay Area has to offer. And that’s pretty much what the deciding factor was for him to move to the Bay Area.

Zachary: Yeah, because we both had stable jobs. With me trying to find my position and striving for a career change, it just made sense for me to move to the Bay while Isabelle stayed at her job, because hers was, you know, she was really sure of what she’s doing already. Our only concern was when I would be able to work, because I would be waiting for my work visa to be approved. That was the only, I guess, caveat. I don’t exactly enjoy not working, but we knew that it would be a short-term, temporary, concern.

Isabelle: We definitely do consider relocating to Canada one day. That was honestly our initial choice because of wanting to stay close to Zach’s parents. And yeah, the free health care would be very beneficial, especially when we decide to start a family. Zach loves the snow, the cold winters, and buying coffee from his favorite Canadian coffee shop every day. I would just have to adjust my sunny California standards whenever we do decide to move out there.

Myrtle: Yes, get used to the snow! [laughs] What was the process you underwent to see how and if Zach would be able to move there?

Isabelle: We researched the immigration forms and the legalities of Zach moving to the Bay Area. Once we figured out what we needed to do as well as the timeline, we actually had an immigration lawyer consulting us throughout this process, we went straight into apartment hunting. Zach actually flew into California two months before the wedding. So, our wedding was in January, he moved in November. And he moved early so that he could start helping with the final logistics of our wedding planning as well as with the apartment hunting, and he stayed with one of our friends during that time.

So throughout those two months, he really dedicated a lot of time to researching areas that we wanted to live [in], especially somewhere close to work. Because anyone who’s listening to this podcast, if you’re familiar with any metropolitan city, traffic is really bad. So, I definitely wanted to live closer to where I worked. We also researched the amenities we really wanted to have, one of which was an in-unit laundry, and then of course what would fit our budget.

Zachary: You know, it was really timely because once we found a place we were interested in, the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday rolled around, which meant Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals.

Myrtle: Yessss!

Zachary: We bought our first apartment home basics, like bedding, cookware, and did our best to look for any used or unwanted furniture we could use. We pretty much got everything in our apartment on Cyber Monday.

Isabelle: Oh yeah, and we stored everything in my small bedroom at my parents’ house. Once we found that apartment, Zach moved into it two weeks before the wedding to really prepare and set everything up before the wedding day, and that helped tremendously. It was definitely like a weight lifted off our shoulders so that we had a place to go to right after we got married.

Myrtle: Must have been exciting too, that feeling of knowing you have a home, you know, right after your wedding.

Zachary: Oh, definitely. It was really comfortable knowing that living there, even for the first week, and saying, “Oh, this is our home.” I just have to get used to I won’t see snow.

But I would say the most difficult part of the moving process was the moving day. We picked up the moving truck, loaded it with all of our belongings and furniture, drove the truck about an hour away, and unloaded it at the apartment, just the two of us. It was a solid workout.

Myrtle: I can imagine.


Zachary: It was the most strenuous but most rewarding workout we had. And I think it was also a good experience for us, because it also gave us an instance of team building for us in our relationship. So, it was great.

Myrtle: Moving can definitely be pretty stressful, but if you work together, you know, and that’s an important thing to learn early on in your marriage, right, that teamwork? So, that’s pretty awesome that you guys have that. There’s definitely a lot to consider when it comes to moving from one country to another, but I’m glad it all worked out for you both.

Right now I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar. It’s always nice to have you here with us on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, Zach and Isabelle, and hello to everybody tuning in. Well, like you mentioned at the outset, Myrtle, this isn’t the first time we’ve had guests on the show who are the product of LDR or long-distance relationship. Our avid listeners are well aware that in those previous episodes, one thing to be noticed is how our guests spoke of prayer, how communicating with God regularly has been a huge factor for the stability of their relationship.

And one of the reasons behind that is there’s only so much you can know about a person through text messaging or video calls. I mean, how can you gauge true compatibility when you’re both in different time zones, when visiting each other only lasts a couple of days, or when you haven’t even tested the waters yet on how you handle disagreements and other challenges together as a team? Nevertheless, there is someone we can turn to, and should turn to, for guidance on whether or not this relationship is really meant to go the distance, no pun intended, despite the concerns that a long-distance relationship has, and who is that? None other than the Lord our God.

But why turn to God? Why conduct devotional prayers to Him regarding your courtship or engagement? Because as we’ve learned in previous episodes, a true spouse comes from God. That’s based on Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 14. For today’s Bible-based advice, there’s something we’d like to highlight that ought to be included in the devotional prayers of a man and woman who are in courtship or engagement, long-distance or not but especially if it’s long-distance. So, what is an important thing the both of you should be praying together about? We turn to the book of Colossians, chapter three, verse 14, in The Good News Translation, for the answer. I quote:

And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.

[Colossians 3:14 Good News Translation]

Brother Felmar: If you are truly sincere about the relationship you’re in, why wouldn’t you pray for that, right, that your affections, or your feelings, or true love for each other would grow? And why is this important? So that there will be unity, according to the Bible. If a man and a woman who are in a long-distance relationship are sincerely asking for unity in their devotional prayers then, by the mercy of God, He will help your relationship to grow in love and unity, in spite of the fact that you are physically apart from each other. Because think about it. You’re already miles apart from each other and then there would be a lack [of] unity? Even if just one of you is not on the same page, how can you expect a relationship like that to become something meaningful and solid?

So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. For those who are in a long-distance relationship, if you’re serious and sincere about it, then you should be praying together. And what’s an important thing to pray for? That God would help you to overcome the challenges of a long-distance relationship, and that He would help you both grow in love for each other, so that there will be unity in your relationship.

As a side note, if neither of you are ready to hold this devotional prayer, well then, I’d say it doesn’t sound like the relationship is serious. [The] thing is though, if the relationship isn’t serious, then what’s the point? You see that’s the danger that others step into, a “relationship” without true direction. Things like casual dating either end in feelings getting hurt, families in conflict, or poor life choices. So again, if you’re not ready to hold devotional prayers about your courtship, whether long-distance or not, much better to focus on the other priorities of life in the meantime, like succeeding in school, building your career, and edifying our spiritual life.

Myrtle: That was a wonderful Bible verse and reminder about the importance of prayer, Brother Felmar. Thanks for sharing that with us today.

Isabelle and Zachary, do you have any tips now for other long-distance relationship couples in a cross-border, transnational, or international relationship, especially when it comes to dealing with immigration?

Isabelle: Some advice I would like to offer is document as much as you can about your relationship. So, save everything like photos, letters, messages, anything that shows proof of legitimacy of your relationship. I think those are the key things in applying for immigration. Thankfully, it’s a lot easier to save that information, because we’ve gone almost fully digital, but it can also be very overwhelming. Because I know with Zach    and I, we have three years worth of photos and you can’t send all of them. You have to really be selective of those things. So yeah, document as much as you can.

Zachary: We pretty much chose the photos that showed our best angles. No, no, I’m kidding. [laughs] But I would say, something we didn’t plan for was our change in who was moving where, and especially with the pandemic it affected how quickly one can be approved for immigration. But what I would say is don’t let the immigration timeline affect how you view your plans either. Ultimately the goal is to stay together, especially after marriage.

Myrtle: One hundred percent, yes. I agree. How did having the same faith as members of the Church Of Christ help you in your cross-border relationship?

Zachary: Having the same faith was pretty much the foundation of our relationship. It’s how we met. It’s how we found out our common interests. It’s how we progressed in our lives, individually and together. Sharing the same faith means always sharing the same understanding when it comes to priorities and values.

Isabelle: Even when we have disagreements, the first thing we do is ask God for the right answers. So we’re constantly on the same page in our relationship, because we know that we should do what God wants.

Myrtle: And if you don’t mind, can you share what you do pray about together?

Zachary: We always ask for peace, love, and harmony in our relationship. We always ask for support and understanding for each other, especially in the performance of our duties in the Church.

When we were still dating, we asked God if it was His will for us to be bound as one. When we got engaged, we thanked God for blessing us with the engagement. We prayed to God to guide us in our wedding plans and to bless us in our future marriage. As per the advice from both of our parents, we also prayed for guidance about where we should live and for us to remain active in our duties wherever we go.

Isabelle: Now that we’re married, we ask God to give us the qualities and characteristics needed for us to fulfill our duties as husband and wife. We always ask that God provides us with the things that we need, especially as we’re in the stage of praying for a family together.

Zachary: So pretty much always, always pray. Knowing we have God in our lives gives us the courage and hope we need to go through everything, such as when we went through the very extensive immigration process. We know that those are challenges, but that’s why we want to make sure that we rely on God. So we pray, ask God for help.

Myrtle: Absolutely. Well, here’s kind of a light-hearted final question for you both. When you first got together and were dating, what were the differences you noticed between Canada and the United States? It has probably changed since I became part of the, what I like to call, ‘CanaRican’ couples. So what are your thoughts on, you know, the differences you noticed?

Isabelle: It’s hard for me to generalize pros about the U.S. because I only grew up in California. Though it’s a huge state, it’s only one of the many states in the U.S., but because of that I never really felt what a true winter felt like. So to me, that’s a pro! So the worst weather that we have to go through in California is pretty much heavy rain, and even then the heavy rain doesn’t last very long.

I have family who actually live in Canada, so in Saskatchewan, and they tell me about how often they have to shovel snow just to get into their cars or get out of the driveway. I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out. But other than the weather, I feel like Canadians in general are so much nicer than Californians, probably because we live a faster way of life and probably because Canadians have universal health care. [laughs]

Zachary: I would say for me, a con about California is that they have no winter. I like winter, I must admit. A pro, particularly in California, is the quality of coffee. Tim Horton’s is great. That’s part of our culture in Canada. But coming to California, there is so much more to learn about coffee that I never knew and just add that appreciation for it. And also the abundance of fast food. Many might say that that’s not a good thing but, hey, having many options is great.

To be honest, I still have trouble conceptualizing how far one mile is, and Isabelle has seen my struggle over these past few months. So to help me out, she has forced herself to convert to kilometers on Google Maps. So she said she’s pretty much given up on me learning it. So, she’s just going to adjust to kilometers for me.

But in general, those are pretty much some of the things that I noticed are different, but overall I’m really enjoying living here.

Myrtle: I totally agree with, you know, our much loved Canadian coffee, but I have to say I do love the minty iced coffee at Philz in the Bay Area. Anybody who’s been to the Bay Area knows this coffee with the minty leaves in it…..so good!

Zachary: Yes, that is true. That is very true.

Myrtle: Well, Zach and Isabelle, it was so awesome to have you both here with us on Happy Life, and hopefully you enjoyed your time with us as well.

Isabelle: Thank you so much!


Zachary: Thank you so much, Myrtle, and to all of Happy Life. We enjoyed. Thank you for having us. We really enjoyed it.

Isabelle: Thank you so much, Myrtle, for having us, and thank you to everyone who’s tuning in.

Myrtle: Being in a cross-border, transnational, relationship allows you to experience the best of both worlds in my opinion. There are definitely some decisions to be made when it comes to figuring out who will move where but, ultimately, as long as you’re together, that’s all that matters.

And that brings us to the end of today’s episode. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show Closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life

Managing Anxiety As Young Christian Adults

Managing Anxiety As Young Christian Adults

Have you ever wondered, “Where is all this anxiety coming from? How do I handle it all?” If so, tune in now—this episode of Vantage Point is for you!

Follow Vantage Point on Instagram for updates: https://www.instagram.com/vantagepoint.inc/

Vantage Point is brought to you by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ).

Visit https://incmedia.org for more!

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Vantage Point: MANAGING ANXIETY AS YOUNG CHRISTIAN ADULTS

[Show starts]

[On-screen text graphic]

MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello everyone, welcome to Vantage Point where we have honest conversations about the challenges of today, what we face in life and see what the Bible says on how to deal with them. 

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Vantage Point 


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Despite so many changes
Let’s move forward together
This is

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Vantage Point 

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Before our discussion, here’s a recap of things we’ve been through

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Source: NBC News

Breaking News: First U.S. Case of Deadly Mystery Virus Confirmed

Narrator: The first confirmed US case of the contagious coronavirus now in Washington State 

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Source: Global News

Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: We have, therefore, made the assessment that COVID-19 can be characterized as a pandemic

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau: We will be denying entry to Canada to people who are not Canadian citizens or permanent residents.

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Source: The Washington Post

News Reporter #2:  Seeing protesters overcome the police. The police are now running back into the Capitol building.

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Source: City News

News Reporter #3:  Some truckers met with Tory leader Erin O’Toole, Friday. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is in isolation. 

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Source: DW News

Woman: No, mental health is not going good. 

Woman #2: [In German] I have been sad a lot, I must say. 

Woman #3: [In German] I’m lonely, yes, and often very sad. And I can’t really sleep very well anymore either. 

Man: [In German]I know people who actually had suicidal thoughts. 

Anne-Sophie Brandlin: It’s been over a year now that the world has been dealing with COVID-19 and its devastating ramifications.

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Source: BBC News

Man #2: I tested positive for coronavirus on Tuesday. 

Woman #4: I tested positive for coronavirus last week.

Man #2: Learning, it’s been an uphill struggle. There is no in-person contact hours.

Woman #5: These three and a half weeks I’ve been in my flat have felt about three years. 




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Vantage Point 

Brother Felmar Serreno: With me on the show is Natalie Fitzpatrick and JR Dongalen. Nat and JR, your reactions please on the video we just saw.

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GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Natalie Fitzpatrick: It’s heartbreaking to think about how deeply so many lives have been affected throughout this pandemic. How many have lost a loved one, some more and others have suffered from severe illness…

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults


Natalie Fitzpatrick: … and feel this deepening stress or anxiety that comes with all the rising tensions that continue to go up around the whole world.

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CONTENT CREATOR

JR Dongalen
 

JR Dongalen: Nat is right. You know, it leaves you numb and overwhelmed hearing those numbers when you really stop to take it in. I mean, there have been moments where I’ve felt really overwhelmed. You know, it’s another devastating blow that the pandemic has caused in the world. And it’s, you know, a big reason why there’s the decline of our mental health or, you know, a rise in anxiety disorder. 

According to data gathered from January to June 2019. Through the National Health Interview Survey in the United States. 

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Source: cdc.gov/nchs

In 2019, 11% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder. In January 2021, 41% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder. The pandemic has impacted the mental health of Canadians, with youth experiencing the greatest declines. 

Source: www.mentalhealthcommission.ca
“Young people are particularly vulnerable to the disruptions the pandemic has caused, and many are being left behind in education, economic opportunities, health and well-being during a crucial stage of their development. 

JR Dongalen: They saw that 11% of adults were reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder, that number rose to 41% in January 2021. Statistics show that in Canada, the pandemic has impacted the mental health of Canadians with youth experiencing the greatest declines. Mental health commission.ca says that young people are particularly vulnerable to the disruptions that pandemic has caused, and many are being left behind in education, economic opportunities, health and well being during a crucial stage of their development.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Now let’s talk to someone who knows more about anxiety and mental health. We welcome to the show, Janelle Velo. Hi, Janelle, and welcome to Vantage Point. If you could, please tell us a little bit about yourself and the work that you do.

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Conscious Parenting Coach

Janelle Velo

Janelle Velo: Hi, Brother Felmar, Hi, Nat. Hi, Jr. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me as a guest on Vantage Point. I’m so excited to be here and talking about this topic in particular. 

A little bit about myself, I graduated from the University of British Columbia and then I went on to do post graduate studies under the mentorship of Dr. Shefali. She’s a world renowned psychologist, and I graduated in New York from her Coaching Institute. So now I work in private practice as a conscious coaching practitioner and I work with individuals, couples, families, all who are working through dealing with and healing from childhood and intergenerational trauma.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, thank you for joining us today, Janelle. And congratulations on your achievements and the work that you do and the service that you do, working with families on a regular basis. 

Now, based on your experience, addressing anxieties and families working with youth. Tell us more about the rising anxiety in youth nowadays. Why is this happening?

Janelle Velo: Yeah, well, as we know, peer interaction social groups, this is all a big and critical part of adolescent development. And so with the isolation that’s had to happen during this whole pandemic, we’re seeing not only new anxiety arise in youth…

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Janelle Velo: …but also a triggering and exacerbating of pre-existing underlying emotional, mental health issues, not only with youth as individuals, but maybe in their family home environment that families were dealing with prior to COVID. 

So if we look at anxiety, the root word is from the word “ango,” which means to constrict. And so anxiety is what happens when someone feels who they are, at  their cor,e is not worthy and is not enough. And so they start to disconnect from their authentic self, they start to constrict and suppress their true voice. And then they start to try and become what they think the world wants them to become.

And so we see a lot of youth struggling with outside expectations and pressure coming from their home, from their families, from school, from society at large. And as you can imagine, this is very difficult. And this is a lot of pressure, it’s causing our youth to find it difficult to move forward with confidence and certainty. 

I’ve worked with a lot of young people and without fail, they’ll always say two things to me, one, I don’t know who I am. And two, I don’t know what to do with my life. And so they have this, this fear, and they’re paralyzed, and they don’t know how to move forward and make decisions for themselves, because they’re so inundated with the loud voices and noises of the world around them.

Brother Felmar Serreno: So Janelle, if I may summarize, in simpler terms, if I may, based on your field of study, a lot of the anxiety that the youth are going through, is due to this need to meet expectations from parents, from society, and other institutions, and even needing validation from them. Well, what’s one piece of advice that you could give to anyone, especially the youth, who are listening in on our discussion today?

Janelle Velo: Yeah, to anybody who’s dealing with anxiety right now, what I want you to know is that you are not your anxiety, you are not broken. If anything, your anxiety speaks to the brokenness of this world. Anxiety is a very normal response to all of the abnormal events that are happening on a global scale right now in our world.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, if we can go to you in connection with what Janelle just shared with us about anxiety. Are you seeing this today? Like, based on your personal observation or discussions you’ve had with peers? Do you see this rising anxiety in the youth nowadays?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think one of the big ones, especially, that I talked about a lot with my friends, during the pandemic, or at least when it first started was this huge feeling of cabin fever, you know, a lot of us got confined through lockdown. So we were stuck at home, whether that was by ourselves or with our families, for a much longer period of time than we were originally used to being with them. 

So doing that, and being in that environment, whether you’re working from home studying from home, it just felt like there was so much more attention brought to our habits, or to our mood swings, or you know, not to mention our own flaws, like we get inside our heads about the littlest details. And I felt like that often led to things like feeling irritable, or, you know, suffocated at home. And I think that also probably led to a lot of feelings of anxiety amongst myself and even some of my friends,

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, if you could share with us, what are some strategies that have worked for you, when it comes to dealing with anxiety?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: First off, I think in times when I feel most anxious, I find that breathing becomes a lot harder to just naturally take a breath without thinking about it. So my breath becomes faster, it becomes shallower. What I try to do to, I guess, combat that in a sense, is to take a break and just slow down my breath, you know, maybe let out a really deep sigh to get that stress off my shoulders. 

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Natalie Fitzpatrick: But I think another thing that really also helps me relax and get my mind off of things that are bothering me is just being involved in activities, for example, with CFO of the Christian Family Organizations, being with brethren and other people, having that social environment. And just enjoying time together, that quality time, even doing online fitness activities, or being able to just play games together online, and seeing other people happy. I feel like that energy is sort of contagious. And I really feed off of that. And it helps with, you know, trying to stick through the tough times or whenever it does get a little bit rough. And it feels, in a sense, encouraging.

Janelle Velo: Yeah. And I just want to take a moment to pause there and say that what Natalie mentioned is so very important. Having a safe space where there are people who will accept you unconditionally, who will lend a supportive and helping ear to listen to you without judgment can be so helpful and such a wonderful resource.

JR Dongalen: What I’ve experienced myself, heard from friends and loved ones, you know, especially lately during the pandemic, you know, it stems a lot from, you know, the pandemic, obstructing a lot of future plans, like decreasing social activity, like I can’t go out and see friends, you know, missing out on awesome and fun events that, you know, we’d have on an annual basis. You know, there’s also the fear of getting sick, you know, I caught COVID, twice, actually, you know, losing someone also, you know, the social battles happening all over the world with discrimination, hate crimes, war, social media comparison. I mean, the list goes on and on—that itself leaves me speechless. Sometimes, you know, I mean, it’s been almost two years since they’ve shut down the world. And, you know, the fact that we had a global pandemic, like, we really have to, like sit here, soak that in and kind of reflect,

Brother Felmar Serreno: I wonder who amongst our viewers today, listening in on this discussion, are also feeling the adverse effects of the pandemic. True in several parts of the world, if not majority, restrictions are lifting. But many people are still dealing with the effects that the pandemic has brought into their life. Did you also have to deal with cabin fever? 

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Topic: Managing Anxiety as Young Christian Adults

Brother Felmar Serreno: And now there are broken relationships amongst friends, or within the family and we don’t know how to fix it. Or do we feel discouraged,  because like what JR mentioned earlier, those plans or goals that we’ve set, have been put on pause? Or is something else triggering our anxiety, and we don’t know what to do about it? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, then we invite you to take this advice now. It comes from the Bible. I’ll read for you what is stated in the book of James, chapter 1 and the verse is 5, this is what it says,

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. 

[James 1:5 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So if you’re looking for answers to whatever may be triggering your anxiety, what should we do? According to the Bible, turn to God. So, don’t turn to alcohol, or gambling or a mere night out? No, we should turn to God. How can we turn to God? We’re taught, pray to the Father. 

Now why is it that we should turn to God because He loves to help. The Bible says, Now when can we be sure that God will listen to our prayers, and that He will help us? Here’s another Bible verse. In the book of Psalms, the chapter is 28, the verses are 7 and 2, 

The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Listen to my prayer for mercy as I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.  

[Psalm 28:7 & 2 New Living Translation]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So we can be sure that God will listen to our prayers, when we put our trust in Him. How can we be sure that God will help us? The Bible teaches, I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary. The Lord’s sanctuary being referred to here is the place of worship, where God’s chosen ones worship Him. So when we worship God, we pray to Him, and we trust in Him, what will God do for us?  According to the Bible, God will be our strength, He will help us and He will fill our heart with joy. And that’s why we prioritize the worship service.

Now, JR, as a member of the Church Of Christ, and as a young person yourself, what would you say to a fellow brother or sister in the faith, who is striving to break free from their anxieties?

JR Dongalen: You know, I want to put it out there first. You know, whatever you’re experiencing, I hope that you put your faith in God to help you get through this mental, physical or spiritual rut that you’re in. I can’t speak for someone else’s experiences, I can’t say what the right or wrong thing is to do. Or, you know, whatever helped me in the past might help you now—those types of things. 

The main thing I recommend is prayer. Other than that, try dedicating time to things that you love, you know, working out, you know, it’s that’s something that I was able to finally do when, you know, the mandates lifted a little bit and that’s helped me, you know, improve my mental health, you know, writing, drawing, playing video games, self-care. Allow yourself to unwind, you know, take your mind off the struggles of today with your favorite hobbies, you know, following up on our prayer with positive steps towards the things we love. You know, hopefully your anxieties and struggles will slowly fade.

Brother Felmar Serreno:

Well, thank you, Jr, Natalie and Janelle, for joining us in our discussion. We’ll see you all next time.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Give us a thumbs up below if you liked this episode. And don’t forget to tag and follow us @vantagepoint.inc on Instagram for more content. Hit subscribe for future episodes. See you next time!

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Posted in Common Problems, Finding Purpose and Direction, Prayer, Vantage Point, Video

Coping With Loss

Coping With Loss

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one, which is one of life’s unavoidable circumstances? Join the conversation on this episode of “Vantage Point”.

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Vantage Point: Coping with Loss

[Show starts]

Brother Felmar Serreno: There are many questions that can bother a person when we lose a loved one. “Why did he have to die now?” “Will I ever get over this pain?” “She was so young, this can’t be fair.” Coping with loss is the topic of our discussion for today, please join us.

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Vantage Point 


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Despite so many changes
Let’s move forward together
This is

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Vantage Point

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MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi everyone, welcome to Vantage Point. Before we begin the show, we want to express our sincere condolences to anyone who may be grieving at this time, and we pray that this show can be of help to those who are coping with loss. 

Natalie, have you ever experienced a death in the family that you’d be willing to talk about?


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GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yes, I’ve lost relatives that were close, more so to my parents, specifically on my mom ’s side. My uncle actually contracted COVID-19 in January of 2021, and this was while he was living in California. So, within the week of him contracting COVID, he actually ended up in the ICU shortly after, and then later on passing away. But the last death within my family that I remember more vividly, personally, would be of my great grandmother. 

I was only 4 or 5 years old so I have really, really sweet memories of her being this older lady that always spoiled me whenever we would visit.

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Vantage Point

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Topic
Coping With Loss

Natalie Fitzpatrick: But I still carry her memory with me everyday, and thinking of my friends who have had family or parents or siblings that have passed away unexpectedly or devastatingly, it’s the emotional repercussions that really stick with me, because I often think about, you know, “What if that was my family?” “What if down the road, that’s my mom or my dad, or my brother?” And it’s that, that really sticks with me, and makes me think about what the future holds.  

Brother Felmar Serreno: JR, how about yourself?


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CONTENT CREATOR

JR Dongalen
 

JR Dongalen: During the pandemic as well, just like sister Nat, I had actually lost my aunt in the Philippines due to complications with COVID-19, and other underlying health conditions… I wasn’t really that close with her, but seeing my mom, and obviously their side of the family go through that devastation of finding out what happened.

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Vantage Point

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Topic
Coping With Loss

JR Dongalen: I’ve lost my grandparents in sudden moments, my grandmother on my mom’s side passed away when we were on vacation back in 2008, and my grandfather on my dad’s side passed suddenly years ago. 

I’ve also had close friends pass, people that I’ve spent amazing memories and moments with, and those were just as hard. A friend of mine, we actually graduated highschool together, we were close friends from beginning all the way to the end of highschool, and when I found out later that he passed, that was very difficult.

Brother Felmar Serreno: People say there are generally 5 stages of grieving. We have denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In your opinion JR, which is the hardest stage?


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Denial
Anger
Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Brother JR Dongalen: Probably acceptance, that’s the toughest part for me. Trying to come to terms with the situation and actually believing that this person is no longer around. In some ways, I’m in a constant internal battle between denial and acceptance, just going back and forth in this cycle. Even in the most heartbreaking situations in my life, I sometimes say to myself, “No way, this didn’t happen!”

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I’d say that like JR, acceptance is probably the most difficult for me too. I feel like denial naturally comes with that resistance to accept, because, like you said, it’s so hard to believe that somebody could suddenly be gone. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Now, while opinions may vary on which stage in the grieving process is hardest, there’s no denying that death can come to any one of us at any given moment. But maybe there are those who are wondering, “Well, why is there death in the first place?” 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s listen to what the Bible says here in the book of Hebrews, chapter 9, and the verse is 27: 


And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this, the judgment,

[Hebrews 9:27 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno:  So why is there death? Because the LORD God made it so. Well, why did God appoint death to man?

Brother Felmar Serreno: This is revealed in Romans, chapter 5, and the verse is 12:

Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned—

[Romans 5:12 , New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So death, or the cessation of our breath is the consequence, or one of the consequences of sin. And as members of the Church Of Christ, we learned in our Bible studies on doctrines, that actually the full payment of sin will be meted out on Judgment Day. 

Now, if any of our viewers would like to learn more about that specific topic, Judgment Day, we invite you to view another one of the Iglesia Ni Cristo’s (Church Of Christ) programs called INC International Edition. On a specific episode they discuss that topic. 


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Topic

Coping With Loss

Brother Felmar Serreno: As for us today, the focus of our discussion is “Coping With Loss”, and what is it that we’ve learned so far based on the Bible? That death, as harsh as it may be, is a reality that we cannot avoid; it’s just a matter of time. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Okay, but, what if someone was to challenge that?because of losing somebody that they love, they feel that God got the timing wrong,

Brother Felmar Serreno: Then, let’s ask the Bible this, Natalie. Are we in a position to question the decisions of our Maker? 

Brother Felmar Serreno: The Bible answers here in the book of Isaiah, chapter 45, the verse is 9:

“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’?

[Isaiah 45:9, New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, based on the Holy Scriptures, no man or woman is in a position to question the decisions of our Maker, Who is the One True God, the Father Who is in heaven. 

Why don’t we try looking at it this way: isn’t it that in our respective country, or state or province or town there are government officials. And for the sake of law and order, isn’t it that decisions are made; regulations are implemented by said officials. From traffic regulations, to public school policies, to laws regarding owning property, or starting up a business. And we do know how to respect those decisions that are made. Well then, all the more we should yield and surrender to the decisions that are made by our Maker: the Almighty God, the One Who created every one of us, as well as everything that is in heaven and on earth. 

JR Dongalen: So, instead of questioning God’s decisions when it comes to life and death Brother Felmar, what should we do?

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Topic

Coping With Loss

Brother Felmar Serreno: I’m glad you asked that question, JR. And, this now is the last Bible verse that we’ll be reading for today. But, before we do, we hope that those who are grieving, would listen well. And we pray that this message would give us hope. It’s found here in the book of Lamentations, chapter 3, verses 28 to 33, and verses 25 to 26:

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way

[Lamentations 3:28-33 The Message]

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.  It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.

[Lamentations 3:25-26 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So when dealing with the loss of a loved one, which feels like, what the Bible said, “is heavy and hard to take”, what should we do? Get angry with God? Complain against Him? No. Instead, the Bible teaches us, “It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.” So God is the One Who can help us to get through the sorrow. 

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God is the One Who can help us to get through sorrow

Brother Felmar Serreno: How can servants of God approach Him for help? The Bible stated, “go off by yourself, enter the silence, bow in prayer.” In other words, we ought to calm down, clear our mind, gather our thoughts, so that we can pray properly to our Almighty God. And if we as members of the Church Of Christ do this sincerely, what can we expect? The Bible promises us, “God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.”


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God proves to be good 

to the man who passionately waits

to the woman who diligently seeks

Natalie Fitzpatrick: You know, Brother Felmar, hearing that, it reminds me of how important it is to have daily devotional prayers. Just to have that moment of silence, and to really calm down, like you said earlier. That it’s important to have that moment with God to be able to lay it all out when everything is heavy and hard to take. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: And further to what you just mentioned, Natalie, many members of the Church Of Christ even make the extra effort to go to the chapel, or the house of worship to say their prayer there. Even when it isn’t a day of worship service. And this is open to all members of the Church Of Christ. At any time, we can coordinate with the respective minister so that they can open the house of worship for us, and we can also have a personal prayer there—to seek God’s comfort and peace, so that we can get through the trials we may be dealing with, like losing a loved one. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: And this brings us to the end of our show for today, we thank everyone who joined us, and again thank you to Natalie and JR. We’ll see everyone next time! 

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JR Dongalen: Give us a thumbs up below if you related to today’s episode on coping with loss. Follow us on instagram at @vantagepoint.inc for more content, and before you go, don’t forget to hit that subscribe button in the corner for future episodes. 

Posted in Common Problems, Finding Purpose and Direction, Prayer, Vantage Point, Video

Control Your Social Media

Control Your Social Media

Social media has its perks, but can also be bad for us. Are we handling it responsibly or is social media now controlling us? Join us in this episode.


Show/Hide Transcript

Control Your Social Media

[Show open]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Social media has become a big part of everyday life. Many use it for good, but many also use it to spread things like misinformation, fake news, immorality and the like. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: How can you tell when something on social media is actually bad for you and is it even that big of a deal? Stick around and let’s find out.

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Vantage Point

Brother Felmar Serreno: Welcome to Vantage Point. A new show brought to you by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ). And we’re broadcasting from our INC Media Services Satellite Office here in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

Joining me on the show are Natalie Fitzpatrick and JR Dongalen.

JR, Natalie, how’s it going?

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Minister of The Gospel

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: Hi, Brother Felmar! Hey, JR! How’s it going?

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Graphic Designer

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Brother JR Dongalen: I’m doing well, good to see you both again

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Content Creator

JR Dongalen

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, getting right to it, according to a blog entitled, “The Seven Different Types of Social Media: published on Biteable, these are the types of different social media platforms: Social Networks, Social Review, Image Sharing, Video Hosting, Community Blogs, Discussion Sites and Sharing Economy Networks.

Now on the seven that were mentioned, I’m on three. How about you guys?

Brother JR Dongalen: I’m pretty sure, I’m on all of them.

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: I think I’m on five of them, but definitely not all.

[On-screen Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick and Brother Felmar Serreno]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well compared to the both of you, it looks like I have some catching up to do. But anyway, here now is the focus. On a scale of 1-10, how careful are you when using social media? So, one would be like, not too concerned about who’s posting, as long as it’s entertaining, I’ll read it, I’ll watch it, I’ll consume it—and 10 would be, I’m always fact checking, I’m selective when it comes to opinionated content. 

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: That’s a tough one! I’d say I’m probably around…. I want to say I’m careful, but I’m not that careful, I don’t take social media that seriously, so I’ll say six. I spend a lot of time on entertainment content, so tutorials, DIY hacks, just fun videos, stuff like that. But when it comes to news, I’m definitely a lot more careful. So, if I see a headline, on Facebook, for example or in my newsfeed somewhere I will definitely look into the article, and not just take it for face value and I’ll compare that with citing sources. 

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: While we are on the topic, here’s some valid info about misinformation and false news, from an article by MIT.

They say that false rumors spread faster and wider than true information. Falsehoods are in fact 70 percent more likely to be retweeted on Twitter than the truth and reach their first 1500 people, six times faster. Can you believe that? It’s mind blowing right! But I don’t know—what about you, JR? What would you say? On a scale of 1-10?

Brother JR Dongalen: On a scale of 1-10, I think I’m an 8. Like most of the time, I’m reading, watching or like I consume content that’s fun and enjoyable. Most of the time it has to be something that I laugh at. But I don’t know, I like to think I have a pretty good sense for inaccurate content like you mentioned, like you know fact-checking and knowing these sources, you know obviously working in an industry that revolves around, you know content and social media. I studied journalism so it’s kind of like one of the biggest principles is fact-checking and making sure that everything that you report on, consume, use a resource is like a hundred percent true and it’s impartial so–

Brother Felmar Serreno: Considering that social media is among the things we use in this world, I’d like to share with everyone an important principle that we should live by.

Brother Felmar Serreno: It’s written in the Bible, here in 1 Corinthians 7:31 in the New International Reader’s Version..

[On-screen text graphics]

“Those who use the things of the world should not become all wrapped up in them. The world as it now exists is passing away.”

[1 Corinthians 7:31 New International Reader’s Version]

Brother JR Dongalen: Sorry to jump in, Bro. Felmar, but the Bible doesn’t prohibit us from using social media or developing tech?

Brother Felmar Serreno: It doesn’t, per se. But when using social media and all other things in this world there is a word of caution. What is it? The Bible tells us we should not become all wrapped up in them. So how should we deal with social media, especially when it is being used by others to spread false information? We should be careful and not careless. Now I know JR you studied communications and journalism and currently you manage and produce digital content for work. So, in your own words, how is it that someone could use social media carelessly?

Brother JR Dongalen: There are a lot of ways a person can use social media carelessly and… Nat just jump in if you feel like you have something to add too, I mean one of the biggest ways that people can get caught up in a messy social media situation is you know what they repost or they reshare. You know oftentimes like a user or someone using social media might think that what they’re posting is entertaining or hilarious which is most of us anyways like  you know like we think things are heartwarming and elicits like a really good form of emotion right? Sometimes it doesn’t really occur that you know they shared something that’s like a photoshopped image, could’ve been doctored, and you know if someone is gullible, someone might not understand some of these forms of sarcasm or tampered jokes—it could lead to some pretty serious deception. So, you know based on the content you’re consuming, you know the algorithm which is essentially the plot pattern of content appearing on various feeds, that kind of stuff is gonna show up so much more. For someone like me, if I’m engaging with basketball content often you know–most of you all know that I am a sports head, I love everything that has to do with it—so that’ll appear more and more over time and that’s the truth.

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: Is this why I keep seeing NBA pop up in my explore page now? It’s you isn’t?

Brother JR Dongalen: Yeah, it’s probably me. I’m sharing it on my story all the time and interacting with it, right? So, it’s like, you know, it’s the same thing. Social media—we become desensitized to a lot of things like violence, verbal abuse, negative conversation, inaccurate facts, you know so many more issues like—but you know nowadays some of these platforms are actually taking steps to like  filter out some of these deceptive or harmful forms of content, so it’s nice seeing that progression over time.

Brother Felmar Serreno: What’s another guiding principle that should be remembered when using things of this world like social media? We’ll read now in 

I Corinthians chapter six this time verse twelve in the Easy-to-Read Bible, it says

[On-screen-text graphics]

“I am allowed to do anything,” you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good. Even if it is true that “I am allowed to do anything,” I will not let anything control me like a slave.

[1 Corinthians 6:12 Easy To Read Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Here the Apostle Paul stated, “I will not let anything control me like a slave.” A slave obeys whomever he recognizes as his master.

Now as Christians, what should we never allow to master us or overwhelm us? Anything that leads to immorality, sin—and this also includes things like gossip, fake news, or slander. We should not have a part in producing these things or sharing them. So now I want to ask Natalie: As a member of the Church Of Christ, how do you protect yourself when it comes to dealing with social media?

[On-screen-Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick & Brother Felmar Serreno]

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: Honestly, uhm like anything I’d rather not hear about, it’s in one ear and out the other. I’d like to think that the best way to not get wrapped up in what’s online is to understand that we’re not a part of it or we don’t have to be. And while there are so many heated discussions taking place that can be full of toxic energy, you know the best way to keep it from seeping into your mind and festering is to just keep it away. It’s like the saying goes right? Out of sight, out of mind. And like JR already mentioned earlier, the algorithms on most platforms now generally feed you more of what you already click on or spend time viewing. So, if you’re constantly clicking on negative content then that’s all you’ll ever be fed. But if you’re spending more time watching uplifting videos, reading inspirational quotes or sharing puppy videos, you’ll be sent a boat load more of the like. So a great defense is to spend more time on the things you love or that put a smile on your face. This way, those posts that make you feel good will pop into your feed and you don’t have to worry about seeing all that negative stuff anymore.

Brother JR Dongalen: I agree with that Nat, uhm honestly one of the things I love to do is like take a break when I need to. I remove myself from social media, I unfollow, block, or mute people and pages that don’t have a positive effect on me or my life. There’s also all of the official Church sites and pages; you know following these pages, engaging with the content and sharing it brings a balance to my social media experience. Listen, I know people might not be like “Oh, it’s not the coolest content,” or “It’s not like TikTok trends,” but every official INC post, piece of content or official INC page offers you know, really valuable content and counsel for our lives. It makes a huge difference if we are consuming positive content all the more if it’s you know from our official Church pages and sites.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Exactly! If we do have questions or want to deepen our understanding on our Bible-based teachings in the Church Of Christ, let’s access the official pages or websites of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ), like iglesianicristo.net, incmedia.org. We also have official accounts of the Church on platforms like Facebook or Instagram or YouTube. Or even better, set up an appointment with a minister of the gospel in the Church so that our queries will be answered, and we can even be prayed for by the minister. This brings us to the end of this episode, JR and Natalie, thank you again for joining us on the show…

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

Sister Natalie Fitzpatrick: Want to learn how to curate a feed for happiness? Check out our blog page on incmedia.org. Give us a thumbs up below if you liked this episode. And give us a follow on Instagram at vantagepoint.inc for more content. 

[Show ends]

Posted in Christian Living, Common Problems, Vantage Point, Video

Dealing With The Changes of Today

Dealing With The Changes of Today

Due to COVID-19, changes have occurred that we are compelled to accept. Enumerate what some of those changes are that the youth are dealing with and show that we sympathize. But pandemic or not, there are things in our life that should never change, such as our devotion to our worship services. That is because worship is our life’s work, and it opens doors to God’s goodness. And having God’s goodness is a necessary advantage when dealing with the changes of today.


Show/Hide Transcript


“Dealing With The Changes of Today” 

[Show open]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Due to COVID-19 changes have occurred that we are compelled to accept. These include travel restrictions that hinder us from frequently visiting our loved ones in different parts of the world, having to wear a face mask at work at the gym or at school, and in extreme cases, staying home practically 24/7 due to lockdown. 

[On-screen text graphic]

How do you deal with change?

Brother Felmar Serreno: How do young people deal with the changes of today? And pandemic or not? Are there things in our life that should never change? Stick around and let’s find out.

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

[On-screen text graphic]

Despite so many changes and all that’s going on

keep the right mindset.

Let’s move forward together.

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi everyone, welcome to Vantage Point, a new show brought to you by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church of Christ). Here on Vantage Point, we have honest conversations about the challenges of today, what we face in life and see what the Bible says on how to deal with them. I’m Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel, and joining me on the show are Natalie Fitzpatrick, and JR Dongalen. 

[On-screen text graphic]

Minister Of The Gospel

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, if you could please tell us a bit about yourself. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Hi, Brother Felmar! Hey, JR! How’s it going? 

[On-screen text graphic]

Graphic Designer

Natalie Fitzpatrick

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I am Natalie. Or you can call me “Nat” as most of my friends and family do. I am a full time graphic designer as well as a part time event assistant with a BA in Design for Marketing.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And JR, how about yourself? 

JR Dongalen: I’m doing well, Brother Fel, Sister Nat, how’s it going? I’m Brother JR.

[On-screen text graphic]

Content Creator

JR Dongalen

JR Dongalen: ..and I’m a copywriter for a pretty cool company that works with you know, top creators, top YouTubers. And you know, I work directly with brands and platforms like the NBA and YouTube. And it all started when I studied journalism and communications. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right, well, good to have both of you on the show. JR, since the pandemic hit, what is one of the most significant changes that you’ve had to make in your life? 

JR Dongalen: I mean, it’s a lot, right? I mean, I can’t go to the gym.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Where do you start, right?

JR Dongalen: Where do you start? At the very beginning, I couldn’t go to the gym anymore. And Brother Fel and Sister Nat, both of you know that I practice mixed martial arts and, you know, you’re in a room full of dudes and hitting pads and roll it on the floor and then all of a sudden, you got to social distance and wear masks, and you can’t be anywhere near anybody. But you know, those are just one of them. But the major one for me was, you know, I lost my job during the pandemic when it first started. And I had to adjust and try to make ends meet from freelance work and contract work, like, you know, trying to find anything for me to make ends meet to support my family, myself. So that’s definitely one of the biggest changes I had to make since the pandemic started.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: All about that struggling artist’s life, huh?

JR Dongalen: No, it’s a struggling artist’s life. You know how it is, right? Whether it’s like social media, you know, you got to just go out there and put yourself out there, right?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I can totally relate. Yes. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: You know, thanks for sharing with us, JR. You know, the ups and downs that you’ve been through, I’m sure it’s the same for everybody, as COVID-19 has been a roller coaster, to say the least. Right? There were times we thought that things might actually go back to the way they were. And then we get news of a third wave, variants, fourth wave. In other parts of the world, they got out of lockdown, but not long after had to go back into lockdown. I want to ask Natalie now, how have these changes impacted your plans for the future? Whether they be personal or family plans? Or work related? 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Where do we even start? Just like with JR’s struggles you know, when we originally went into lockdown at the very beginning of the pandemic, I was working two jobs at the time. So I was planning to save up to fly and visit some of my friends in other parts of the country. I had plans.

JR Dongalen: Me, too. Me, too.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yeah, see. It was so sad to know that, you know, all these plans we had, like I wanted to go on a summer road trip with some friends, couldn’t because we were all trapped in our own regions, right, with all the restrictions. And then I also wanted to start a custom t-shirt business. I wanted to find a nicer apartment to rent. I also wanted to see a lot of my friends get married in person, which unfortunately, I did not get to do because they had to conduct their weddings through online services or with really intimate gatherings with only their close family or households involved. So I had all these bucket list items, I’m sure JR had a lot too. 

JR Dongalen: Yeah, I feel you. Like, you know what, I never actually mentioned this, I actually tried to start like a merch line and it fell through unfortunately, just because..

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Why didn’t we work together? 

JR Dongalen: I know, we should have, we should have. It was like it was a fitness line that we were trying to do and it just never came to real fruition just because of like COVID-19 and, you know, obviously it stems from being in the gym and being around gym rats too. So, but we couldn’t do that because like not really anyone could go to the gym. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I know.

Brother Felmar Serreno: We’ve heard from the both of you regarding the changes that you have had to accept and adapt to in light of the pandemic. Now, I want to ask, are there things in your life that did not change? And if so, why? 

[On-screen text graphic]

Are there things that did not change?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: All jokes aside, yeah, lots.. lots.. lots of bad stuff happened, things got taken away. And little things in our day to day routine obviously changed too, I went from working in an office to suddenly working from home. 

JR Dongalen: Me too. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yay, there you go. Perfect example. I mean, even though that happened, you know, one thing that never changed for us being in the Church Of Christ was that we never missed a worship service. You know, like, the one thing that we could always count on was that worship service would never stop. 

I mean, I remember, I don’t know, JR, if you saw these two, but all across my newsfeed or online, I’d see all these articles or headlines even of just saying, “this church has closed their doors.. this denomination is struggling to figure out when their next worship service will be..” you know, worshipers all over the country, or even the globe, actually, for a lot of different places around the world were struggling to figure out how they would be able to worship, where they could gather, when they would be able to gather again. 

But then in the Church Of Christ, that’s not something we ever had to worry about. Because I remember, even a couple of years ago, we had already started doing, you know, video streaming worship services, we were used to this online platform. And we were so well prepared, because the Church Administration had already, you know, helped us figure out all of these different ways to have our gatherings online, we had our worship services streamed to us, and we never had to stop. And then I guess, for places that maybe didn’t have that same accessibility, they were also able to have the worship services, maybe not by means of the internet, but they were provided instructions on how to do household gatherings. So even then, not not a single family, not a single person was exempt from these ongoing services, which is amazing. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: On that note, I’d like to read one of the bases on why worship matters a great deal to us. Here in the book of 2 Chronicles, chapter 29, verses 10 to 11 in The Message translation,

 “I have decided to make a covenant with the God of Israel and turn history around so that God will no longer be angry with us. Children, don’t drag your feet in this! God has chosen you to take your place before him to serve in conducting and leading worship—this is your life work; make sure you do it and do it well.” 

[2 Chronicles 29:10-11 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: What should we notice about how servants of God regard worship? It is a covenant or a holy obligation to God. How else do servants of God regard worship? It is our life work. 

[On-screen text graphic]

Life Work

That’s why worship service is a high priority for us. Why else is worship important to us in the Church Of Christ? We find the answer here in the book of Psalms chapter 34 and the verse is 9.

Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness. 

[Psalm 34:9 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: I want to ask JR very quickly, you know, since the pandemic started, was there ever a time that you missed worship service? 

JR Dongalen: Worship Service with WebEx and video streaming, the way we’ve done, I think it’s made it easier. Short answer is no. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Okay. Well, according to the Bible, worship opens doors to all God’s goodness, do you agree JR that this is true? 

JR Dongalen: I do believe that worship opens doors to all His goodness. Like I mentioned previously, you know, I lost my job when the pandemic started. Prayed, hoping that, you know, I’d be able to find a job and you know—staying patient, staying devoted to worship, holding devotional prayers, all those things were answered, and God gave me those things. And in the moments, you know, I spent praying devoted to worship, I felt like it was all worth it. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, the pandemic was not a hindrance for God’s goodness to find its way into your life?

JR Dongalen: No, not at all. God’s goodness has affected me in such a positive way. And all I can say is, I believe that’s a result of just staying devoted and committed to prayer and worship service. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: You know, I can relate to JR 100% too, you know, God’s goodness isn’t just covered by huge events like work opportunities, or promotions or a raise or a new this or that. But God’s goodness is so much more than that. It’s like what was written in the Bible, worship opens doors to all His goodness. And for me, God’s goodness has been proven in the strength that I received when I didn’t  think I could make it on my own. 

For example, when I was in university, hardly sleeping, always anxious, because I’m trying to meet deadlines back to back, while working part time, and being in school full time. It’s stressful. And I know a lot of young people our age too, who may still be in school, or who are just starting university for the first time, are probably panicking when you add a pandemic on top of that too. It’s a struggle, but you know, even when all that’s going on, even when we’re trying to figure out how to balance life, and how or when we might be able to transition back to the things that we were used to before. I keep thinking about the worship service lessons that we’ve been having, 

[Photos]

Live Streaming Worship Service photos courtesy of Executive News

Natalie Fitzpatrick: ..and how every topic that’s covered every week, every service is so relevant to what’s going on. It’s like, one thing happens in the world. And everyone’s on that topic, and they’re so focused on it. But then in the worship service, as soon as that lesson comes up, you go, wait a minute, this was already brought up before, you know, we’ve been taught how to handle this.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Natalie, it’s great that you brought that up, highlighting the worship service lessons. You know what, while you were saying that what came to my mind is the piece of advice that Brother Eduardo V. Manalo gave, our Executive Minister, during one of his sermons. I’m paraphrasing here, but he said something to the effect that when going into worship service, we should be asking ourselves, what does God want to tell me today? You know, what is His will for me? 

[On screen text graphic]

What does He want me to do?

Brother Felmar Serreno: What does He want me to do? Because when we approach worship service with that sincerity, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Like what you were explaining, we will come out of every worship service with the blessings that we need, right? God’s not going to leave us with nothing when He sees that we are sincerely looking for Him and looking for His guidance, and we want to hear His words through those lessons so that we can implement it in our life. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Oh, I completely agree, Brother Felmar. You know, that’s a really good point too, what Brother Eduardo V. Manalo said about what does God want me to understand or want me to do, because it’s not even just in the sermon of the worship service, but even in the hymn singing, or in saying our prayers, you know, if we’re just there, but we’re not really feeling it, it doesn’t satisfy, you know, it doesn’t satisfy the soul. But when you’re sincerely praying or saying it from the bottom of your heart, you know.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Right.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Even in our deepest, darkest moments, like the one the moments we don’t talk about, with our friends or family..

[On screen text graphic]

The moments we don’t talk about

Natalie Fitzpatrick:  ..with nobody, the stuff we keep to ourselves all bottled up. Whenever that stuff happens to us. I know, even for me, whenever I just bow my head in prayer, close my eyes, shut everything out and just enter the silence or focus on speaking to God. It’s in those moments that I feel like everything just fades, problems, everything that I’m worried about, all that stress and anxiety that I feel.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And you get that blessed peace from God, right?

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Yeah

Brother Felmar Serreno: ..that He provides as well. It’s part of His goodness, during worship service. 

JR Dongalen: Yeah, for sure. I feel that you know, with how we are today, or everything we’re doing is centered at home. And for my situation, it’s like work is done here. You know, leisure time is spent here, you know, sitting at this very desk at my computer, but also the worship is done here right now as well. You know, some of us are back to in person services. But, you know, we’re still having to do the live stream worship services. 

And in the worship service, where I feel like I’m present, like my mind is just whatever happened before or whatever is happening after this worship service, everything’s just kind of gone. You know, and, you know, you spend so much time on the go here, you know, in your center, in your desk, doing whatever. But then when it comes to the worship service that hour feels so peaceful, 

[On-screen text graphic]

That hour feels so peaceful

JR Dongalen: ..like your mind is at peace, your soul is at peace.

Brother Felmar Serreno: In closing all the more we appreciate the effort and the leadership of the Church Administration, as they have been guided by God to make a way for us that worship service would continue..

[Photos]

Live Streaming Worship Service photos courtesy of Executive News

Brother Felmar Serreno: ..in spite of the pandemic and that is where we receive God’s goodness, His blessings and peace. So, I want to thank JR, and Natalie very much for joining us today in our discussion. See you again next time.

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

[On-screen text graphic]

Bro. Felmar Serreno

Production Manager

Kate Concepcion

Producer

Jervy Serreno

Assistant Producer & Music

Camille Valencia

Production Assistant

Natalie Fitzpatrick

JR Dongalen

Writer, Editor & Co-host

Special thanks to:

Brother Angelo Eraño V. Manalo

CEBSI President & CEO

Special thanks to:

Brother Eduardo V. Manalo

Executive Minister,

Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ)

Natalie Fitzpatrick: Want to know more about the worship services in the Church Of Christ? Check out our worship with us page on incmedia.org. Give us a thumbs up below if you liked this episode, and share and tag us @vantagepoint.inc on Instagram and follow us for more content. Don’t forget to hit that subscribe button for future episodes!

[On-screen logo graphic]

Vantage Point

[Show ends]

Posted in Christian Living, Common Problems, Vantage Point, Video

Age Gaps in Marriage

Age Gaps in Marriage
https://storage.googleapis.com/incmedia-org-audio/happy-life/2022/HL_2022-06_web_ott_Podcast.mp3

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Jasmine and Mac, from Winnipeg, Canada, have an age gap, which can also be considered a generational gap, of several years. Discover if this age gap impacts their relationship as newlyweds.


Show/Hide Transcript

Age Gaps In Marriage

[Show opens]


Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life.

Jasmine Balacano: Hi!

Mac Balacano: Hi there.

Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment?

Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then?

Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs]

Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s  been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it.

Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be.

So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap?

Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me.

Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?”

And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway.

Myrtle Alegado:  Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other.

And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities.

Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy.

One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me.

Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado:  So, Mac, how about you?

Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful.

Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now?

Mac Balacano: Yeah.

Jasmine Balacano: We are.


Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people.

I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits.

The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half.

Myrtle Alegado:  And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess.

And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen?

Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times.

Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy thinker or doer. I think it is more of the creative side of me.

And I’m very laid back, and he’s just very high strung about time, especially time and efficiency. And, you know, like, sometimes we can’t even go to the mall without him being like, “What’s the most efficient route to get from this store, to that store, to that store?”

Myrtle Alegado: 

Oh, wow. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano:

And I’m just like, I’m a window shopper, right? I’m like, “Oh, I saw something there. Let’s go walk in there.” And he’s like, “That’s not part of the plan.” And I’m just like, “You need to relax.”

Myrtle Alegado: 

Don’t deviate from the agenda. [laughs]

Jasmine Balacano: Yes, he’s very, like, itinerary based if anything.

Myrtle Alegado: Can you describe how you do deal with your different outlooks or approaches to life in general?

Jasmine Balacano: I think like every married couple, you want to talk things through, right, in a rational, calm state of mind. Usually it’ll take me about 30 minutes to kind of come around and be like, “Okay, I was being a little too much there.” So, you know if I can tell he’s really, like, in the zone, ‘I need to think about this.’ And I was just kind of like, “No, I need an answer now.” You know, we’ll start a conversation and be like, “Hey,  can I just say something?” And that kind of gives the verbal cue to him that like, “I’m probably going to say something that you’re not going to agree with, but this is how I actually feel about it.”

And sometimes he’ll do that back to me as well. Like he’ll just kind of be like, “Look, this is obviously not meant to offend you, or this is not meant to be a hurtful thing, but this is really my perspective on it and I just want to let you know that it’s coming from a place of neutrality.”

Mac Balacano: I think there were moments in the beginning of our relationship, and including at the start of our marriage, where we’re adjusting to each other and certainly where we have moments where our conversations might have escalated. And I think it usually takes us a bit of time to come back around from that very initial, kind of knee-jerk emotional response that you might typically have in those situations.

And for us we really want, and take the time, to kind of calm down first. I think we learned that fairly quickly. We’re both feeling a lot of feelings, all the feelings, right now and maybe we just need to, you know, just take a moment, just calm down, and we’ll kind of continue the conversation later. But I think at the end of the day, you know, where we land is, like, and I really credit a lot of this to Jasmine, she’s really helped me get to this point especially as, you know, reminding each other that we’re on the same team, right? At the end of the day, we want what’s best for each other. And whether that means sometimes letting the other person have what it is that they want or that they need, or coming to a compromise of some sort, or something that works for the both of us, right?

She’s really helped me kind of understand that, “Hey, you know, just because sometimes we say something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what that person was intending to make you feel.” Our intentions aren’t necessarily bad. They can still be good intentions and very wonderful things that we want to come out of that conversation. And we just, again, need to take that time to really reflect and not be so emotional, so that we can, you know, land in a happy place or in a good place at the end of that conversation.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I think it’s great that you can both recognize when the other is, you know, “triggered” at the moment and needs some time to kind of just back away from the situation, you know, really contemplate about things, and then you reconnect together and really get to that place where you’re both in a state of understanding of each other. So I think that’s absolutely awesome.

But going back to age gaps now, do you think your age gap affects how differently you approach things?

Jasmine Balacano: Usually, I don’t feel that our age gap really makes anything different. And if we do have a concern, we’re very straightforward with each other and we’re not trying to play mind games with each other either. It’s nothing like that. And it’s nothing about like, “Is that what your generation of friends do?” Like, we never, ever, question it like that. It’s more about the individual rather than what stage of life you’re in, I find.

Mac Balacano: And for me, you know, I don’t really think it affects how we approach things, per se. I think it just affects the nature of the problems that we face on an individual level, just due to the fact that we are in slightly different phases in our life, right? So, I think it’s not so much how we deal or approach the issue, it’s more we’re challenged with different things. I think that’s really where that comes in.

And related to that, I think our age gap does allow us to see things together or collectively in a more diverse kind of way. You know, it lets us approach things together from different vantage points or points of view, just because we grew up in slightly different generations, or we’re exposed to different things, or the current things that we’re experiencing at that moment are slightly different because of the different life phases that we’re both in. So I think through that, it just really helps us to be able to see things together from many different views, which ultimately I think helps us get to making better decisions, right?

Myrtle Alegado:  I can see that. Yeah, for sure. And you know, there’s different data out there that categorizes the ages of those who are Gen Z and Millennials. So I think Jasmine, I probably consider you as a Gen Z, while Mac is a Millennial. What are your views on this, these two generations, and how much do you think they differ?

Mac Balacano: You know, I mean for me personally, I don’t think Gen Z is all that different from Millennials. I almost feel like they’re Millennials but amplified. So I think of things like, you know, even better with technology or it’s more intuitive. That’s something that makes me feel really old when I have to ask, “What is that? How does this work?” So there’s that. I think the other thing too, broadly speaking you know there is more, what I see, more activism, more acceptance, right, in terms of different social issues or social viewpoints. And then speaking of social, there’s also social media differences, right? So for me, I don’t have a TikTok account.

Myrtle Alegado: Same.

Jasmine Balacano: I’m always showing him TikToks, like, constantly.

Mac Balacano: Yeah, so there’s stuff like that, right? There are those slight differences, but I don’t find them significant enough in a way that dramatically affects anything, I guess.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I personally don’t like to consider myself Gen Z. I find myself right in between. I’m at the very end of the Millennial generation and right at the beginning of Gen Z. I feel like Gen Z’s have a very different outlook on life, in my opinion. I don’t feel that I share a lot of their opinions. I can’t come up with anything off the top of my head, but some things that I do feel that I share with that generation is, you know, not wanting to conform to societal [norms], or like, you know, pushing boundaries and limits. Those are some things that I feel that maybe I’m more in line with. But you’ll never see me doing a TikTok dance. Probably not. [laughs]

Myrtle Alegado:  But why do you think there’s a stigma to dating someone when there is an age gap? How do you feel about the stigma? And this is coming from someone whose parents have an 11 year age gap. And, honestly, I never really thought about it. So, you know, what are your thoughts on this?

Jasmine Balacano: Personally, I think it could be a Western perspective, that age gaps are inappropriate. There’s a lot of that going around, I find. And, you know, perhaps people might come to the conclusion, or maybe assume, that the person who is younger isn’t able to make a proper decision, or maybe they’re being, like, groomed is a word that I hear a lot.

But the reality is, you know, and especially for me and Mac in our situation, I think it’s personally fine for the people involved in the relationship, and more importantly because it was a consensual choice. Sometimes I feel nervous about the stigma, maybe that I’m being judged. I definitely can say that I definitely was judged for, you know, starting a relationship with Mac because he is a little bit older than me. But most of all, you know, like one of the things that always kind of was reassuring in my mind was that I knew myself, and I knew my relationship with Mac. Mac never pressured me. He never put anything on me in that way, any kind of his ideals or perspectives, you know. It was always up for discussion, and he was probably one of the only people regarding that topic that made me feel like I had a voice.

And, you know, we always make sure that even now in our marriage, that we’re talking about these issues and these needs when it comes to our generational [differences] or the way we approach things. And it’s not just because of our age gap, but it’s because we want to make these decisions with consent, respect and with love.

Mac Balacano: Yeah, and for me, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate that I personally never really faced the stigma associated with our age gap, or I’ve never really felt that way. But I do know that some people think that it can be, for example, like a red flag when there’s an older guy who may be dating a younger girl. And maybe I think, you know, for some people they might think, “Oh, you know, there must be something wrong with that guy. Why? Why can’t he find someone his own age?”

And I think that’s usually attributed to the lack of maturity and progression in their life, potentially, right, and I think also especially since girls tend to mature mentally and emotionally faster than guys. So, I do think that’s a valid concern in some situations, and I certainly, you know, have seen examples of that kind of play out. But I can appreciate why some people may have concerns around that.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s true. Every relationship and situation is different, for sure. Right now, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, so that we can hear the Bible-based advice regarding our discussion today.

Hi, there, Brother Felmar! I hope you’re doing well today.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, everybody. Doing well. Thank you for asking. Hello to Mac and Jasmine.

So regarding age gap, for example the husband is 5 or 10 years older than the wife or vice versa, is this a problem? To answer that, let’s be reminded about something first. Let’s be reminded that one of our Christian values is to respect and honor our parents. That’s why in the Church Of Christ, we are taught to communicate and seek approval from our parents first, before entering courtship, engagement, and marriage. Therefore, so long as parents on both sides do not disagree with the relationship, despite the age gap, then the two involved may proceed with courtship.

That being said, what should parents consider before giving their consent that their son or daughter can enter courtship, which is also something the individuals themselves should consider before courtship and more so marriage? So, I actually answered a similar question to this on one of the episodes for the Heart and Soul podcast. The questions are slightly different, but the same Bible-based teaching applies. So if everyone could please listen to what’s stated here in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 19, verse 14. We’ll quote from The New Revised Standard Version:

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
[Proverbs 19:14 New Revised Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno:
So, based on this, one of the very important questions to ask oneself prior to getting married is: “Is this person that I am courting, or is courting me, the answer to my prayers? Is this person the blessing to me from God?” This is something parents ought to ask themselves too: “Is this person the blessing from God who will be the future spouse of my son or daughter?”

But how do you determine that? One way that helps is if you can answer yes to the following questions: Do they have genuine feelings for each other and have they proven themselves to be compatible with one another? Do they have stable livelihoods? Have they proven themselves to be mature individuals capable of making good rational decisions? Above all, are they both spiritually mature? So long as the answer is yes to all of those questions, age gap is not an issue.

Regarding the stigma or the judgments people may make about married couples who have an age gap, well, people concocting negative thoughts in their mind is something beyond our control. But what we can control is our reaction. How should Christians react to insults or negative thoughts against us for whatever reason it may be? We learned this in our Bible study on doctrines in the Church Of Christ prior to baptism. Let’s be reminded about this important teaching here in I Peter, chapter 3, verse 9. We’ll quote from The New International Version:

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
[I Peter 3:9 New International Version]


Brother Felmar Serreno:

We, Christians, should know better than to repay evil with evil. Rather, God expects us to repay with blessing or kindness. So, not just to Mac and Jasmine but to all married couples out there with an age gap, the next time you may get a weird look or remark from someone because of your age gap, what should we repay? Repay kindness.

So I’d actually like to ask Mac and Jasmine very quickly, “How do you control your reaction in these situations?” Obviously, human as we are, it doesn’t feel nice when you’re on the receiving end, right, of something negative. But at the same time, we are Christians, we are members of the Church Of Christ. In all circumstances, we must uphold our Christian values and the way we act or respond, right, we reflect the values that we uphold. So, how do you control your emotions in those types of situations?

Mac Balacano:  Well, Brother Felmar, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate enough in these situations, it’s not often that I have a negative reaction from other folks when it comes up in conversation. But you know what? When it does, I usually try to make it a little bit more lighthearted, in terms of the situation. I just say things like, “Oh, you know, but we feel age is just a number. That’s not how we define our relationship,” just something that is, you know, more neutral or lighthearted to not make the situation negative or anything like that.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Jasmine, how about you?

Jasmine Balacano: I’d say the same thing. I’m a little more quick with my comebacks. When Mac says we do it lightheartedly, I usually make a joke out of it or something. I’ll probably say something like, “Yeah, I know Mac’s graduation pictures are in black and white,” or something like that just to be funny about it. But it does get tiring. It can be a lot. Sometimes I just tried to ignore it, but most of the time I would play it off with a joke or something like that.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Since you mentioned it does get tiring, how do you help each other out? Like, do you talk about it afterwards? Do you, like, vent to each other? You know, how do you deal with that when it does get tiring?

Jasmine Balacano: I think, yeah, we would vent to each other. Like sometimes, if we were out with friends, and then like on the drive home, we’d kind of talk about it. And it’d be like, “Yeah, that’s kind of frustrating,” and then we would just kind of laugh it off and talk about something else. Like Mac said, it’s not something that we really base our relationship off of. Our relationship is so much more than the number between us, and that’s why it’s not that hard to brush off.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And to everyone who’s tuning in, if you do have an age gap in your relationship, we hope that what Mac and Jasmine shared is of help to you. It does help to vent to each other, right, just to help each other, you know, get through it. Because like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, as Christians, when you’re in the moment, it’s better to just have a neutral response, right, a light hearted response. You don’t want to make a big deal out of something that really isn’t a big deal.

Like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, they are well aware their relationship is so much more than a number. But sometimes for others, you know, they don’t see it that way yet, right? So what are you going to do about that? That’s not within our control, right? But having that lighthearted response, because we are Christians, it helps to ensure something small doesn’t get out of hand. And then we can always talk about it after as husband and wife, just to make sure we’re doing okay and get on with our day.

Well, that’s all the spiritual advice that I have at this time, Myrtle, for our episode for today. I hope everyone enjoyed it and it was of benefit to everybody. I’ll sign off now, and I’ll see you all next time.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you again, Brother Felmar, for sharing those Bible verses that definitely did inspire all of us today.

Jasmine, earlier you said that you felt like you were sometimes being judged for your age gap. And Mac, how do you feel about telling people about your age difference?

Mac Balacano: You know, I don’t personally really have any feelings about it really. It just kind of rolls off my tongue if it’s a relevant part of the conversation. Because to me, you know, it’s just a normal relationship, and again I don’t think it’s something that we or myself really use to define the nature of our relationship.

Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I’m actually fine with our age difference. Before it used to bother me, and then it kind of stopped, and then recently I think with the current social climate, it makes it such an uncomfortable topic. It’s not that I’m like, “Oh, no, my relationship is inappropriate.” It just makes it really awkward to want to tell anyone, because just the phrase itself, ‘an age gap,’ already has some sort of negative connotation to it. Just kind of what Mac said, it’s just like a normal relationship. And we’ve always been on the same page in terms of our views and things like that. So I am totally fine with it. It’s just something that feels a little bit odd to discuss sometimes.

Myrtle Alegado: And how much has your faith helped you in being understanding of one another and in accepting each other’s differences, and maybe even, you know, kind of dealing with people’s thoughts about your relationship, whether they’re warranted or not?

Mac Balacano: Having the same faith and belief system, first of all, I think is one of the most important things that you need to have in a relationship. And really because that common ground really creates a foundation for your relationship, creates a foundation of who we want to be, what we want for a future together.

Even around the time when Jasmine and I were thinking about getting engaged, before we got married, you know, we had those kinds of discussions, right? We really wanted to nail down, like, what do we want our future to look like? And I think that’s super important that people have those kinds of conversations. You know, “Do you want to have kids? Where do you want to live?” No matter what those kinds of conversations are about your future, I think the underlying thing that should be there, that would really help people, is that you have the same faith and belief system. I think that’s really important.

Myrtle Alegado: A hundred percent I would agree with you. So can you share what role prayer has had in your marriage?

Jasmine Balacano: Prayer has always been a very important part of our relationship, even more so now in our marriage, and even the days leading up to our wedding. Knowing that when we pray together that God is with us and that, you know, we can really rely on Him in our relationship to ease any of the anxieties or the worries we have about the future. And we know that every time we pray, that we’re able to do that together, that God is there with us, you know. And it’s always been a comfort to us whenever things were falling apart, even when things were going amazingly, you know. We always would pray and just be so grateful and thankful no matter what happened.

And especially when we’re planning for our future, one of the things that my mom always told me and I held it with me when I met Mac, even before we were getting married and now, is my mom always told me that you should always be with someone that brings you closer to God and that a relationship that revolves around God will be a successful one. I’ve always held that very dear to my heart. Every time we pray together, we’re never really that worried. We just trust.

Myrtle Alegado: As it should be. So what words of encouragement do you have for newlyweds, or engaged couples, even those who are simply just dating, who have an age gap that might be considered a generational gap as well?

Mac Balacano: Yeah I mean, for me, I think there’s going to be, you know, practical issues, some of which I’ve personally experienced. You know, whether that’s people having their own thoughts or opinions, or either of you are going to be in a slightly different phase in your life, right, maybe one of you is working already full-time, but someone is still in school or trying to sort out what their future could potentially look like. And just kind of think those through ahead of time, and just make sure that you’re okay with it, or have that discussion between the two of you to make sure that you’re on the same page.

And you know, for us, as Jasmine has mentioned, you know, it’s a conversation. We want to make sure that we’re both okay with it. It’s give and take, right? We’re building a life together, and we’re both pitching in in different ways.

So, you know, I think at the end of the day age is just a number and I personally don’t think it should overrule what you feel about each other. I think everything else that we’ve talked about, the foundation of your relationship, like all that stuff needs to be there. And I think age is just one of the many other different considerations that you should be thinking about in terms of your relationship.

Jasmine Balacano: I agree with Mac. You know, when we first started dating, I felt a little bit left behind. I wasn’t as successful, I was still kind of starting out my career. I was still in the process of, like, establishing myself in terms of my own personal success. But my best advice is, you know, find someone who wants to communicate with you, someone who wants to have those really hard discussions, those difficult conversations, right, and someone who’s encouraging you.

And these conversations always have to be done with open hearts and open minds, because if you don’t have that willingness to understand, that willingness to love unconditionally, when that stuff gets hard then it kind of speaks for itself. So, that really is kind of my advice is just be open minded, you know, be open hearted, be understanding, and be patient most of all.

Mac Balacano: And finally, I think if you pray about it and you have God’s blessing, we talked about we’re very fortunate to have, that’s the feeling that we have in our lives, that we truly feel that, you know, God has been with us every step along the way, and it’s coming up to our one year anniversary. And, you know, I think that’s really the most important thing, right, that you not only have a relationship with each other, but that together you have a relationship with God. That’s really all that matters.

Myrtle Alegado: Those were great words of advice, Mac and Jasmine. And honestly, we’re so grateful to you for sharing how you’ve managed to deal with an age gap in your marriage and as newlyweds. So thank you both for joining us [in] our discussion today on Happy Life.

Jasmine Balacano: Thank you so much.

Mac Balacano: Oh, thank you.

Myrtle Alegado: Hopefully what Mac and Jasmine shared today will provide some comfort to other couples who are currently dating, or perhaps engaged to be wed, and experiencing the same challenges.

And that’s the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life

Recognizing The Need For Action

Recognizing The Need For Action

Recognizing the basic human needs of others is an important first step to making your community better. See how some were able to recognize the need in their city through a community outreach program and how others even took it a step further by helping those that were outside of their own community.


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Recognizing The Need For Action

[show open]

Lois Paula: The INC Giving Project encourages volunteers in countries around the globe to share their faith through acts of kindness.

Lois Paula: Welcome to the INC Giving Show. No matter where we live, we are all part of a community. And within these communities, there will always be someone in need. So recognizing the need is a vital first step to making a larger impact.

Lois Paula: Off the coast of Turkey, Syria and Lebanon sits the third largest island nation in the Mediterranean Sea–Cyprus. Government and individual efforts have been made to preserve the cultural history and natural attractions that the country has been known for. Members of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ) in Cyprus did their part cleaning up Karsiyaka Park, a popular place for families in the community to spend the day together.

Lois Paula: According to the European Environment Agency, cities in Cyprus have one of the lowest proportion of urban tree cover at 4 percent, making places like Karsiyaka Park worth caring for.

Brother Mark Luel Leviste: By doing so we can show our love for our fellow man and maintaining the cleanliness, taking care of the environment around us.

Lois Paula:  On the other side of the hemisphere, another group of volunteers shared their support for preserving what makes their home unique, by appreciating the people who do just that. In Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea members of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ) organized an event to recognize the workers at the National Museum and Art Gallery. Volunteers provided care packages filled with essential items and nonperishable food items.

National Museum and Gallery Staff Member: I should say on behalf of the National Museum and Art Gallery staff and management we are privileged to actually have you here with us today. It’s the small gifts we received today it goes a long way and I believe each and every staff of the museum was actually appreciated very much.

Lois Paula: No matter how different these places may be, acts of kindness and service continue to have the same positive effects within communities.

Lois Paula:  What a wonderful story. It’s always great when we can highlight the dedication of those who aren’t commonly recognized. It’s these shared moments that help preserve the bonds we form as community members. So a special thank you to the staff members at the National Museum and Art Gallery for working hard to preserve their cultural and environmental history. And great job to the volunteers for contributing to the beauty of their communities and sharing acts of kindness at the same time. To our INC Giving volunteers in Cyprus and Papua New Guinea–thank you. 

Lois Paula: Now our next story brings us to a region that was in immediate need of help after a powerful tornado left their hometown devastated. Let’s see how Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ) members in surrounding communities traveled to Mayfield, Kentucky, to lend a helping hand.

Mayor Kathy O’nan: Our city was right in the direct path of an EF4 tornado that devastated for nearly 200 miles, everything in its path.

Nathan Kent: Some families have lost everything.

Lois Paula: The United States has the highest count of tornado outbreaks in the world. On December 10th, Over 60 tornadoes struck the Southeast region, devastating buildings and homes from all over the states of Kentucky, Arkansas, Tennessee, Missouri, Illinois, Georgia, Ohio, and Indiana. One city in particular that was heavily affected was Mayfield, Kentucky.

Nathan Kent: And the pathway took it right through the downtown of our community and so a significant fraction of our residential housing has been affected. Typically in disaster response, first-responders aren’t affected themselves and they’re able to simply go out and help. But this situation was unique that the government, in addition to our residential areas and some of our local businesses, were all affected.

Lois Paula: With the entire community struggling to find resources to recover from the storm, the volunteers from the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ) from states as far north as North Dakota and as far east as West Virginia came to their aid with bulk donations of canned food and clothing. The community was also gifted with care packages containing blankets and personal hygiene supplies.

Nathan Kent: Oh, goodness. I mean, we’ve got so many people that are displaced from their homes and will be for quite a while. The rebuilding process here is going to take many months. So these goods just provide for the basic needs of our citizens.

Mayor Kathy O’nan: And that’s why it’s so important that organizations such as yours have been so generous. They won’t have to ask. We’ll be there ready to give it to them, to help them restore their lives. Thank you so much. And I want to thank from the bottom, bottom of my heart. Your gifts are beyond measure.

Lois Paula: It’s so inspiring to see that so many of the surrounding neighborhoods recognize a need and leaped selflessly into action. On top of that, it was a community outside of their own. This truly highlights how volunteering can connect us. We wish all those affected in Mayfield, Kentucky, a safe and speedy recovery. As we just saw, weather can play a big part in determining which communities are in need.

Lois Paula: For example, in the colder climates, a warm set of clothes can make all the difference. So take a look at how INC Giving volunteers in Brampton, Ontario, Canada used a milestone anniversary as an opportunity to give back to their community.

Lois Paula: In the region of Brampton, snow falls for 61.8 days for a total of 19.84 inches of snow throughout the year, with temperatures reaching an average of -8.7 degrees Celsius or 16.3 degrees Fahrenheit. To help those in the area who needed winter clothing and provide them relief from the cold temperatures and snowfall, INC Giving volunteers from Brampton, Canada organized a winter clothing drive with their local police station of Peel. Together, they were able to collect more than 100 bags of gently used winter garments to give back to those in need in their respective communities.

Lois Paula: The clothing drive was part of the 15th anniversary celebration of the local congregation of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ) in Brampton. Mayor Patrick Brown came to recognize the milestone and also, to thank the INC Giving volunteers for the various community outreach activities they held throughout the pandemic.

Mayor Patrick Brown: But one of the beautiful things during this pandemic has been our faith communities have stepped up again and again. And this is an example of that, to have a winter clothing drive for the less fortunate. Trying to get everyone to show their generosity and heart is an example of the love we see displayed every day by our faith communities.

Mayor Patrick Brown: And during times of adversity, having strong faith communities that can help the community during those difficult days are so important.

Lois Paula: Presented to the INC Giving volunteers was a Certificate of Recognition for their humanitarian efforts, but also, to recognize their milestone anniversary of 15 years.

Mayor Patrick Brown: For a long time, you have been doing that in spades, in Brampton. And I want you to know the city appreciates you. Well, I just want to congratulate you on 15 years of offering spiritual guidance to the community. That is worth celebrating.

Lois Paula: Peel Police Officer, Assistant Sergeant Jennifer Horner also took the opportunity to say a few words on the joint activity held.

Jennifer Horner: So thank you very much for allowing us to join in your 15 years and it’s very telling as your congregation that to celebrate you want to get back. And our unit is very appreciative of all the donations that you will be providing. It will definitely serve many members of our community at large across not only Brampton, Mississauga but the GTA. And you will be making a difference in people’s lives and your loving care is greatly appreciated.

Lois Paula: With events like these, INC Giving volunteers and local organizations will always be here to make sure the community is filled with kindness for many more years to come. The question is, will you take action? That does it for this episode of the INC Giving show. We hope this episode has inspired you to recognize the needs in your area and to go out and make kindness contagious.

Lois Paula:

I’m Lois Paula. Remember whenever you possibly can do good to those who need it.

[show close]

Posted in Christian Living, Common Problems, INC Giving, Video

Managing Time as a Married Couple

Managing Time as a Married Couple
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Paolo and Rachelle are busy newlyweds from Burlingame, CA. They share how they juggle their careers, while making time for their marriage, and prioritizing their services to God.

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Managing Time as a Married Couple

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: With the many demands on our daily lives, newly married couples struggle in balancing their time between work, daily tasks, and other obligations. When we find ourselves very busy, is it still a reasonable goal to achieve work-life balance?  

Today on the show, we’ll chat with a newlywed couple from Burlingame, California, to talk about how they make time for each other despite their busy schedules, while still prioritizing what truly matters in their relationship. 

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life

Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Paolo & Rachelle from Burlingame, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2021.

Hey there, Paolo & Rachelle!  Thanks so much for agreeing to chat with us today. 

Rachelle de Dios: Hi!

Paolo de Dios: Hello!

Myrtle: How are you both doing? 

Rachelle: We’re good. Happy to be here.

Myrtle: Oh, well, we’re so glad you joined us. Can you tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you both met? 

Paolo: Sure. Rachelle and I, we first met at a Church activity. It was August 2018, and it was a career fair for the Kadiwa [youth in the Church Of Christ aged 18 and up who are unmarried] members. She had just moved from Detroit about a month before that, and, you know, I’m sure she was still learning a lot about the new areas and things like that. Maybe it was coincidence, but yeah, we met through that activity and just kind of went from it. 

Rachelle: Yeah, I was new, moving to California. So I was just kind of nervous about everything. But I remember when we were going through some of the notes for this career fair, I was like, “Oh, Paolo’s kind of cute.” I actually knew what to do with all the instructions of this career fair, but I pretended to not know much. So, I was messaging him like, “What are we supposed to wear? What do you mean for this job thing? What do we do?” I kind of just initiated the chatting.

Myrtle: Look at you being sneaky! Way to go for what you want. [laughs]


Rachelle: Woo!

Myrtle: Did you know that she already knew the answers, Paolo, but messaged you on the side just to have an excuse, I guess, to talk to you? Did you know that? 

Paolo: Honestly, no. I think when she was messaging me, I thought, like, “Wow, I can really impress her.” You know, “I can tell her exactly what we need to do here. She needs my help.” You know, “I’m going to be that person to support her in her time of need.” But you know, she’s smart. 

Myrtle: But how long were you two talking before things became serious, and then when did you get engaged, and finally married?

Rachelle: I want to say talking for about three or four months, and then when we got engaged, a year and a half to two years. That’s when we got engaged. 

Myrtle: So today we’re discussing managing time wisely, and for newlywed couples, I’m sure you can very much relate to that because both of you are working. Can you tell us about your careers? 

Rachelle: Yeah, so I am the head of strategy. I work in a neurotechnology clinic in Silicon Valley. I work with a lot of different technologies for health, whether it’s brain map scanning, or we’re creating products for speech, or language, or learning, or disabilities, or head trauma. I work on the projects that are involved in that.

Myrtle: It sounds pretty intense. 

Rachelle: Yeah, it sounds a lot cooler than I think it is.

Myrtle: Oh [laughs]. And then, Paolo, yourself?

Paolo: I’m a marketing manager and business analyst. So you know, I help different companies kind of build their communication and advertising. In a simple way, I spend their money to sell more things. So kind of a simple job.

Myrtle: Well, it definitely sounds like you both have pretty busy schedules. What does your typical workday look like? 

Rachelle: So, we both work from home and we have a sweet little rescue dog that is about 10 months old now. Yeah, it’s a lot of meetings. It’s a lot of back to back meetings on Zoom. And it’s a lot of taking care of Ollie (the rescue dog). 

Myrtle: You know, that’s your home and that’s your office, so you’re pretty much together all the time. What do you find most challenging about coordinating your schedules, even though you see each other all the time? 

Rachelle: I think the most challenging thing about coordinating our schedules is that we don’t really know what’s going to happen throughout the day. So, every week is different, every day is different. Sometimes I’ll have a meeting, and then we’ll have a meeting at the same time, and then we have Ollie who wants to go out. Or sometimes the days are a little bit longer than we expected, and those get kind of tricky. That’s usually what’s challenging about coordinating our schedules. 

So, we’ll try to figure it out as we go. Sometimes one of us will work while the other takes Ollie out. Or sometimes, actually most of the time, Paulo takes Ollie out in the morning, which he’s great about because I take a little bit longer to get ready. But we figure it out.

Paolo: Yeah, I think sometimes, especially working from home, the whole day feels like one big blob of time. So you know, like she said, kind of mapping it out and kind of spacing it as much as possible is really helpful. Otherwise, it’s all noise and we won’t get anything done. 

Myrtle: And then do you take lunch breaks together? 

Paolo: Totally.

Rachelle: Oh, yeah. All the time!

Paolo: She’s like an amateur chef, for sure, and I’m an amateur eater, so she makes a bunch of stuff. It’s awesome.

Rachelle: He’s good at cooking too though. 

Paolo: I think, if anything that’s like the number one advantage of working from home is that we can kind of treat ourselves. We can do things in advance, cook things in advance, eat things in advance. 

Rachelle: We eat a lot. And then also with our schedules, I’ll even take time sometimes during the work day to practice for the organ. I’m an organist at our Church, and if I know I’m leading that practice that day, I’ll go over a lot of the notes. I’ll go over a lot of the things I’m going to say during practice, and Paulo is usually really great about giving me that time because I tend to stress out a lot, you know, especially if it’s something I really care about. So he’s been really great at giving me that time. 

Myrtle: So despite your busy schedules, how do you still make sure that you spend quality time with one another, and are there specific things that have worked out for both of you? 

Paolo: Yeah, I think quality time is really important. I think there are certain things that we can control and if we can, you know, we make sure to plan those things ahead. So for instance, we make sure we have lunch and dinner together no matter what, as long as it’s within our schedules, which it usually is. Even on a, you know, a busy workday or a busy evening, we make sure to make that time for each other. And like I mentioned before, you know, we both love to cook just as much as we both love to eat, so I think sharing those commonalities, it’s something that we need to do every day anyway, so we might as well enjoy it.

Rachelle: Yeah, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. So it’s such a big deal when we’re working from home and we see each other every day. We still get excited though to watch movies in the living room, we get excited to hang out together, we have a lot of hobbies that are similar. 

Paulo is actually really into golf now, which is great. You’re good at it now. I feel like you’re really good at golf now. And, ahh, he makes really good steak, so I’m super into steak even more now, because he’s really good at making the perfect medium rare steak. And coffee, which I love, he’s so good at making coffee. You should see the kitchen. I think if anything that we’re going to argue about is kitchen space, because it looks like a coffee shop.

Paolo: That’s true.

Rachelle: But it’s good coffee though, so I still love it. I’m super into basketball, food, being outdoors, and you know he switches those things off, because I know he wasn’t always into basketball too much but now he is. And you weren’t too outdoorsy, but now I feel like you love it unless that’s just for me. 

Paolo: Yeah, I mean, I think it’s both. I think I love it, and I love you so I think it kind of goes hand-in-hand.

Myrtle: Aww! Well, you had me at golf, steak and coffee. So I’m coming over. You know, are you free this weekend? [laughs]

Rachelle: Come over. 

Myrtle: But you know, what are the things that you enjoy doing when you want to wind down or relax together? 

Paolo: Some simple things that we never take for granted is getting some snacks or even popcorn, she loves buttery, buttery popcorn, and just watching a movie together and winding down. I think that’s something that we always look forward to. Also we just like to hang out and just kind of either lounge on the couch, kind of relax and not really work or stress or do anything, but just be there together.

Myrtle: Well, you know, last season we had an episode that covered being fully present without the distractions of phones, computers, tablets, and the like. How do you deal with this challenge since you both work from home? 

Rachelle: Yeah, in the beginning, we were distracted by our phones and our laptops. It was pretty difficult because we both work from home, so technology is super big in our lives. And even when the work was over, we’d still be glued to our phones. 

But we’re really good about always having lunch together and dinner together. I think food really does bring us together, and it was a no-phone zone because we enjoy it that much. We try our best to put our phones away for the moments that we actually get to hang out with each other. And luckily, we’re addicted to watching those shows and movies so we probably wouldn’t be checking our phones anyway. Yeah, I’m just glad that we were able to do that together. 

Myrtle: And you’re both officers in the Church Of Christ. Rachelle, you mentioned that you’re an organist and then, Paolo, I believe you’re in the choir too, right? So how does that impact your schedules, having to, you know, go to choir practices and things like that?

Paolo: Rachelle is [a] choir organist and I’m an assistant choir leader in our local congregation. Rachel’s been an organist for, I don’t know, forever. Like, she’s been an organist since she was a child and I’ve been in the choir since then, too. We’re kind of used to it, in a sense, to prepare for, you know, worship services, to prepare for our duties and our responsibilities in the Church. This is something that I think getting married and living together, it’s something that we had to keep in mind too, not only individually but together.

Rachelle: Yeah, and sometimes we actually need to cut our workdays short because of those added responsibilities. We’re both in leadership, so especially during the days we have leadership meetings we actually have to stop working just so that we can attend that. And we do our best to prepare and practice before the worship service, because we really do value our duties as choir members in the Church.

Myrtle: So what does work/church/life balance mean to both of you?

Rachelle: It means everything. I mean, it was super difficult at the beginning of our marriage to really balance it all. And the good thing about us, which is why I think we work so well as a couple, is that we actually prioritize Church duties before everything. 

Paolo: Yeah, I agree. And no matter what comes in our lives, and no matter how difficult it can be, it’s really our faith that really, not only brings everything together but really, provides us the blessings that we need in this life. 

Myrtle: Absolutely. But how did you learn to manage your time? Were there time management tips that you learned before getting married?

Paolo: I think the biggest thing that really taught us was just living in it. I think a lot of the experience that we had, early on especially, that’s what really kind of drove it home or really kind of fast forwarded our learning. And when it comes to, you know, time management, when it comes to living together as a married couple and really balancing everything together, the first few months of marriage was really hard. We were trying to prioritize our own lives and we were trying to, you know, navigate through this brand new life together. It was really hard, really difficult, but you know with God’s help and just the blessing that comes from marriage, I think we really grew to understand each other, and really understand how to better plan for our life. 

Rachelle: We were both Kadiwa officers before getting married, and Kadiwa is that youth group in the Christian Family Organization for those 18 and up who are unmarried. And our local congregation actually had great time management tips in a workshop that we actually still utilize today. They talked about different apps you can use to be organized, Google Sheets. We also talked about having daily schedules, which we actually use all the time.

Myrtle: What a great idea for a workshop that I think would be beneficial for all age groups, really. And actually at this point, I want to know what the Bible has to say about making time to strengthen marriage relationships. 

Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, is here with us again on the podcast. Hello, Brother Felmar! Thanks for joining us again. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, everyone. So our topic today—making quality time to strengthen the marriage relationship. However, when it comes to this, fulfilling that without cutting work hours or time for other commitments and, above all, without compromising on our spiritual obligations, you know, trying to accomplish all of this, for others it sounds impossible.

Others might not even bother to try, you know, to work this out, meaning they might say something like, “Well, we have to make compromises somewhere, because it’s either we take time off from work, or we absent ourselves from other activities, or we lessen our time for each other, because we can’t just do all of it on the regular.” But what we want to share with everyone today is that it is possible, and here’s how. The Bible teaches us this in the book of Matthew, chapter 19, the verse is 26. We’ll quote from the English Standard Version:

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

[Matthew 19:26 English Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: As members of the Church Of Christ we have heard this truth many times: “With God all things are possible.” It’s in the Bible. The Lord Jesus Himself taught this so why would we not believe it, right?

But just in case there’s a part of us that’s going, “Okay, but how will God make it possible? How will He make it possible for me to have time for my career, to have time for my Church duties, and to have time for my marriage, and even have time for myself? All of this on a regular basis? How?”

Here’s the answer to that question. The Bible teaches this. We’ll read Philippians this time, chapter two, the verse is 13, here in the International Standard Version. I quote the following:

For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.

[Philippians 2:13 International Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: You see, the reason people tell themselves sometimes, “It’s too hard to make regular quality time for my family,” or “It’s too hard to keep pursuing my life goals,” or “It’s too hard to hold onto my duty,” is because maybe they’re looking at themselves thinking, “I lack the ability.” You know, “My time management skills are poor,” or “I’m no good at logistics.” Or they lack the desire, the motivation, the energy, the drive, or they lack both. However, according to the Bible, what can God do for us? He can produce in us both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him.

Therefore, if we want to level-up on our time management with married life, work, and above all our spiritual life, the only way to succeed is to seek God. Why? Because He’s the only One who can truly increase both the desire and the ability we need to do all the right things in life, including the things we want to do for ourselves and our marriage that are in accordance with His will.

So, having said that, Paulo and Rachel, what I’d love to ask you is: “Can you attest that what the Bible says here is true?” We heard from the Scriptures earlier that the Lord God produces in us the desire and the ability. In your life, especially in this recent year plus where, you know, you got married and you’re newlyweds now, how has God increased the motivation that we need so that we can see to all of our responsibilities in life, especially when it comes to our spiritual life? 

Paolo: One of the important things that we noticed, whether it’s in our marriage or I think even in our lives before we joined together, was, we were blessed enough to be in our duties [while] in our childhood. A lot of the energy, a lot of the motivation we learned comes from kind of pushing forward. We have our duties, you know, we have our obligations and our family, and now we have each other. Fulfilling the duties that we have really gave us the strength, the energy, and the drive, and also the direction coming from the Holy Spirit. Rach has a great quote: “Faith over fear,” and I think that also helps with that, right?

Rachelle: Mmmhmm. What Paulo said is so true. We were very motivated through our duties but also just our faith in general every time. I think we were surprised by how marriage was and I think a lot of newly [wed] couples can attest to that. You know, you’re so excited, the wedding is done, and then you get to life and it’s not as easy as we thought it was going to be. We learned so much. 

And during those difficult times, I think what kept us motivated was our faith, was the fact that God will continue to bless us if we trust in Him and we trust in each other. That’s something that really kept us motivated through everything. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: I like what you both shared there that the faith is what gave you direction. Our faith is what gives all of us direction. When we have that direction, when things are clear, why wouldn’t you be motivated? You know exactly where you’re going.

But the Bible teaches that God also promises to develop in us or produce the ability, right, which is also important, because sometimes you’re motivated, you want to do it, but you may lack the ability. Like what Rachelle mentioned, you were surprised that, you know, it’s not as easy. Getting married is exciting. It’s happy, right? But then you start to settle in, into living together, working together at married life, and yeah, it’s not that easy to say the least. So, have you also seen, since you have been married, that God is producing in us the ability to adapt, to grow, without compromising on our other responsibilities, right, to family to work, especially when it comes to our spiritual life? Has God done this for you?

Paolo: I definitely, definitely believe so. One of the biggest things that I’ve learned, and that I believe God gave me the ability to learn, is to be understanding and patient. Living with someone who I’ve only dated and seen, you know, every couple of days in a week, now all of a sudden, we’re with each other every single hour of the day. It’s amazing, it’s exciting, but it also adds a lot of different experiences and perspectives. I believe God gave me the ability to really understand much clearer and have a better view of my wife, a view of our life together.

Rachelle: Yeah, to also follow up with that, [Brother] Felmar, I think God granted a lot of new abilities for me that I don’t think I had before, which was also patience. I think I would have given up so many times before, and I’m actually really glad that I didn’t get married until my 30s. And because of that, I think, yeah, the patience and then the understanding like Paulo said, I learned so much but God really gave me that ability to not give up, to keep an open mind, to keep an open heart, to really put trust in God. Because if this was the old me, I think I would have been scared of a lot of these situations, and a lot of these new things, but God also granted more faith, and He gave me more bravery. We’re now learning about another person. Even though you’re married, you’re still learning every day and I think that’s going to continue.

Brother Felmar Serreno: That’s awesome to hear that from the both of you, you know, attesting to what Scripture teaches us, that God really does produce in us the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that we need to do the things that are pleasing to Him, and to do the right things in life that would also set us up for a good future. Things like patience, understanding, how to handle new experiences, these things are not automatic to us, right? These are things that we really have to learn. We have to practice, we have to master, we have to gain the ability to do it. 

Now at this part, for those who are hearing this and they heard your answers when it comes to what God has done for you, and they’re at the stage in their life where, you know, they need that. You know, they want that from God, that He would produce in them the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that are needed in marriage, and in being Christians or members of the Church of Christ, serving God and getting through this life. So, what did the two of you do to convince God to help you out? How did you convince Him to give you the desire, the motivation, as well as the abilities?

Rachelle: How did we convince our Almighty God? We’ve had the same devotional prayer at 10:15pm, and we never miss it no matter what. That’s something that we started when we were even just starting to date and it’s continued to our marriage. Through prayer, I truly believe that’s what helped us the most. I think God is still with us, because we never neglect to call unto Him, and there’s so many times where I think we even prayed more besides our devotional prayer times, extra prayers, times where we needed Him the most. I think our faith through Him is what has helped us. 

Paolo: Yeah, I agree 100% with everything that Rachelle said. I think another big thing too, we definitely humbled ourselves. I for sure humbled myself, because I knew I was lacking, you know, not only for God but also for her to be honest. But yeah, humbling ourselves and really understanding too that there’s a lot more that can be done. There’s a lot more to be happy about and to be really thankful for, so that was a huge thing for us and for me personally too. I think that’s what’s helping us grow, you know, as a married couple, as individuals too, and I think most especially in our faith and our duties. 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Wow. Well, I hope that also inspires everyone who’s tuning in today. You know, prayer, always communicating with God, that’s something that’s also been consistent in our podcast right, Myrtle? And you know, if you think about it, when it comes to family, or our friends, right, staying in touch with those that we care about and those who care about us, you strengthen the relationship, right? You naturally strengthen the relationship when you are regularly communicating with your friends or your family. So, the more we talk to God through prayer, our relationship with Him is also strengthened, and because our relationship with God is strengthened, and we live by His commands, we’re doing what pleases Him, we will be able to convince our Almighty God to answer our prayers, to give us the motivation and the abilities that we need to succeed in life, in our marriage, and most of all in our faith. 

So, thank you very much for answering those questions. I’m going to hand it back to Myrtle now. To everyone else, thank you again for always joining us on Happy Life. See you all next time. 

Myrtle: Thanks so much, Brother Felmar, for those very inspiring Bible verses and reminders that you shared with all of us today.

So, we talked about how important it is for you to spend quality time together, but you know there’s all this talk about self care. So, when you need to have alone time, or decompress, or relieve stress, what are your favorite things to do on your own? 

Paolo: I think one of the ways that I de-stress, it’s working out in our home gym. You know we made, I think during COVID a lot of people including us, we made our own home gym. I work out, just have that time to myself, listening to music, either lifting weights or doing cardio, and it’s something that, you know, I do for myself. I think physical exercise can really relieve stress. I think also having that time to yourself, to really care for yourself, is really important and healthy, and that’s one of the things that I do to kind of de-stress and kind of unwind. 

Rachelle: Yeah, and to preface, our home gym is in our garage next to some trash cans. It’s a really good gym though. You should be really proud. I know Paulo is really proud of it, but the home gym sounds so extravagant, but it’s a small little gym in our garage. But I agree. Working out, playing sports, is a super good time to decompress and relieve stress. I also do some writing on the side. I think that’s also helped me decompress. It’s one of my, kind of,newish favorite things to do since the pandemic. So that’s stayed and it’s been kind of fun. 

Myrtle: So,with all your making time for your alone time, making time for your together time, making time for work, making time for your Church duties, you know, why do you give so much importance to your Church duties and to prioritizing God and serving Him?

Rachelle: Our Church duties are what actually drew us together in the first place when we first started dating. Our duties are very important to us and we can relate to the schedules that are involved with that. 

Paolo: Yeah, and you know with both our workplaces, we made it a fact to let them know, our coworkers, about our faith, about the importance of our duties, and also what that entails as far as our obligations at work versus at Church. So they know that our duties come first and that we really set aside that time. Since they knew about that from the very beginning, it really paved the way to make it not as difficult to make that time for our duties, for our faith, for Church activities, and other things like that.

Myrtle: We talked about how important it is to have Church duties, and we also heard that it is possible to kind of juggle it all. What would your advice be to newlyweds who are hesitant about taking on more responsibility at Church because of time constraints and busy schedules?

Rachelle: It always works out. At those times when we actually didn’t prioritize our responsibilities at Church, we actually saw how that affected our marriage as well. It wasn’t a good thing when we didn’t prioritize our responsibilities in Church. When we feel closer to God, that’s when we [feel] stronger and closer to each other. If both partners have responsibilities at Church, you end up having a lot more in common with everything else in life too.

Paolo: Yeah and I think that’s really important. When you see that motivation and that love coming from your partner in their duties, it really motivates you to do the same, you know. And because it’s both of our priorities to stay within our faith, to stay within our duties, and that we both put God first in our lives, it really shows how great they are, you know, at taking care of not only responsibilities in their faith, but also other responsibilities in their life, especially our marriage.

Myrtle: Yes, for sure. And if you can share or try to summarize, how do you think that you have been blessed by God by putting your Church duties first?

Paolo: The biggest way that God really blessed us, I think it was the peace that He continues to provide to us. In the beginning, you know, we had a lot of challenges, a lot of things to learn from one another. But I think because we prioritized our faith and our duties, God really gave us the patience, and the understanding, and the humility to really grow and learn together.

Rachelle: And how else we’ve felt so blessed, with putting our duties first, is that even though life is so messy, and with the new things of marriage life can get kind of crazy and there’s all these challenges, but when we look around, God has blessed our lives in so many ways. We have each other, we have our jobs, we have our dog that we love so much, and we have so much to look forward to in the future, and it’s exciting and we never would have been here without God. 

And there were probably times where we might have taken it for granted or there might have been times where we took our responsibilities at Church for granted, and it showed us that it’s scarier and it’s harder when God is not there. But when He is, it’s amazing and everything that you’re scared about, or everything that you have fears about, it just goes away. God shows you that it’s going to be okay, and it’s just been amazing. It’s funny, because I feel like we’ve been married only for a little bit, but then I also feel like I’ve been married forever. So, yeah. 

Myrtle: Well what you’ve said, it was beautifully put, you know, that you can feel God’s blessings in your lives. 

I thank you so much, Rachelle and Paolo, for sharing what your busy schedules are like and how you manage to balance at all. We’re sure that many of our listeners can also relate to trying to find that balance and to striving to make time for what really matters in your lives. And for you, that’s your duties inside the Church Of Christ. So again, thank you for joining us on Happy Life. 

Paolo & Rachelle: Thank you.

Myrtle: Work-life balance may be quite a challenge to achieve for many newlyweds as they embark on a new chapter in their lives, but we learned that there is a way that we can still do what matters most to us. 

We’ve come to the end of our discussion for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Living, Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Happy Life, Podcast

Communication in Intercultural Marriage

Communication in Intercultural Marriage
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Cindy and Michael are both from Belgium but they had different upbringings and grew up in different areas of the country. Find out how these contrasts resulted in some challenges in their marriage.


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[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Someone catches your eye, his or her personality is attractive, you get along well, and you start falling for this person. You live in the same country, but there’s actually a language barrier. Today, we’ll meet Michael and Cindy, from Belgium, and they’ll share what it was like in the beginning of their cross-cultural relationship and how they’re doing now as newlyweds.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. 

I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

[Show Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life 

Myrtle: As mentioned earlier, our newlyweds today are from Belgium. Hi, Michael and Cindy. We hope you’re both doing well over there. 

Cindy Van Acker: I’m doing very good. Thank you so much, Myrtle, for your time for today.

Michael Van Acker: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you for having us and happy to be here. 

Myrtle: So would you two mind giving us a little background information on where you both grew up?

Michael: I was born in Zele. Zele is a very small town in Belgium, a small community. Almost everyone knows each other, a lot of greens and nature close by. My dad, he is a Belgian while my mom is a Filipina.

Myrtle: You were born and raised in Zele. 

Michael: Yes, I was born in Zele and also raised.

Myrtle: Oh wow. That’s pretty awesome. So how about you, Cindy? 

Cindy: For myself, my parents are both Filipino. I grew up in the capital city of Brussels, Belgium. 

Myrtle: And now do you still live in Brussels or Zele or did you both move somewhere else?

Michael: Now we are living in Schoonaarde, also in Belgium of course, and it’s about 45 minutes driving from the capital city, Brussels. 

Myrtle: Okay, so a little bit on the outskirts up in the suburbs maybe. So, we talked previously and you mentioned that, although you live in the same country, you speak different languages, right? 

Cindy: Yes. It is correct, Myrtle. Actually, in Belgium, we speak different languages. But it actually depends [on] where you live. Usually we speak French, Dutch or German. But for myself, since I live in the capital city of Brussels, I speak and am fluent in French. 

Michael: And since I grew up in a Dutch area, I’m speaking Dutch. It’s my mother language. So actually, we don’t speak each other’s languages.

Myrtle: That is so interesting. Okay, wait, I have to ask you both. How do you say happy life in Dutch and then in French?

Michael: In Dutch, it’s gelukkig leven.

Myrtle: Okay, I will not even try to repeat that. [laughs] Cindy, how do you say it in French? 

Cindy: La vie heureuse.

Myrtle:  Oh wow, that is so cool. So what was it like trying to talk to each other in the beginning when you first met? 

Michael: We [have to] go way back. We actually met each other when we were still teenagers. 

Myrtle: Oh, young love? [laughs]

Cindy: Yes, indeed. Since we met when we were teenagers, the only language that we actually could speak was English. But back then, our English was terrible, especially mine. I really had to learn and practice it every single day. We had so many misunderstandings back then. We had a hard time [expressing] ourselves in English, so we had less patience of course before, since we both have different mother languages, because obviously [it’s] easier to speak in our own language. But to look back [there were] actually very funny moments and conversations. 

Myrtle: I can imagine.

Michael: But now of course we are older, so we have more experience, more patience. So our English improved a lot and is much better right now. 

Myrtle: So in school you both, like you said, Cindy, you spoke French fluently and, Michael, you’re Dutch, in school was English something you had to learn as well?

Cindy: For myself, it was actually mandatory to learn Dutch and English. Since in English we had to use it in our courses and of course for Church. Actually, English I learned it in Church, because I needed to communicate. But for example, in Dutch I’ve actually studied it for so many years, I think more than seven years, but since I don’t practice it every single day I am not good. So, basically I speak French every single day.

Myrtle: And how was learning English for you, Michael, in school?

Michael: Also [I] was obligated to take that course in high school already starting from the second year, I believe, and then up to the sixth year. But then when we had the college life there, also some courses were in English. So through the years, English became more and more the main language in my life.

Myrtle: Okay so, you know, aside from the language barrier, did you learn that you had other cultural differences that you noticed as well? 

Michael: Oh, yes. Cindy is more of a big city woman, while I grew up with a more of a country lifestyle. And I’m also more conscious about what to consume, while Cindy is more a consumer mindset. She buys with convenience since everything is close to her, for example, grocery stores. 

Myrtle: So have you noticed whether this has led you to maybe approach situations or tasks differently too? 

Cindy: Yes, actually, Myrtle. For example, if Michael has something in mind, he will tend to do it directly, or even immediately, and finish it right away. He’s someone that hates and avoids postponing things, but for me, I’m more thoughtful or take time to ponder. I’m someone that needs to think if it’s really necessary to address it now. 

So for example, we were speaking about having a new kitchen in our new house. Michael wanted directly to have a picture in front of him, search prices to see how much it will be, determine how much time [it will] take, how big or how small [we can] go. He wants all those details immediately.

Michael: Well, Cindy on the other hand, she will think about it first. Then make a plan for how it will look like but not really focusing on the exact details. She will plan first and finalize details later. 

Cindy: Also I think for myself, when it comes to speaking, I am a more direct person. I will say things, what is actually on my mind. Michael [will] try to avoid conflict. My attitude is, like, also more expressive than Michael’s. Michael prefers things to be more relaxed, more calm. It’s okay. It’s alright. [laughs] But for myself, I’m more adventurous and maybe will take more risks than Michael.

Michael: Yeah, for example, I will rather not jump off a cliff or bungee jump. I will never do that. But Cindy would love to do that. It’s on her bucket list.

Myrtle: [laughs] Oh, oh you’re an adventure seeker huh, Cindy?

Cindy: Yes.

Myrtle: You know people say, ‘Opposites attract.’ So, maybe that’s truly the case with the two of you. I didn’t ask, how long have you been married now? 

Cindy: I think we got married about… not long ago. So six months. 

Myrtle: Oh, not even a year. Wow, okay, so truly newlyweds! So do you agree, Cindy, that opposites attract? 

Cindy: Yes, I agree. But actually in the past, I was not believing it. But in our case, I agree, because our differences help us to complete each other and we also get to learn things from one another. 

Myrtle: That’s a good way to look at it. What would you say are your biggest frustrations, though, in dealing with, you know, your language barrier or communication barrier in marriage? 

Michael: Cindy and I actually have two types of arguments. Argument type one is when we don’t understand each other, we can’t find the right word to express ourselves and what we really mean, while with the second type of argument it’s a discussion that starts about something else, like a certain thing that happened that one of us did not appreciate from the other. But with these arguments, we really do try to take the time to explain ourselves without getting angry at each other. 

Cindy: It’s true. There are actually times that we don’t understand each other, because the words that we are using are quite literal, and maybe the word sounds a bit harsh, without meaning it to that person. But the biggest frustration happens if one of us is using the language barrier as an excuse. Like in one of our arguments we just say, “Ah, well you just don’t understand me again,” and then almost closing off when it comes to our conversation, while the other person is actually trying to explain things clearly. 

Myrtle: And what happens when you have misunderstandings like that and how do you handle those situations? 

Cindy: It’s quite frustrating, to be honest, but we try giving each other some space, helping to give us [and] each other the time so that we can think and process everything.

Michael: But we make sure that we always try to fix it before we sleep, otherwise both of us will have a bad, bad sleep and that’s not good for both of us. 

Myrtle: Yeah, and that’s a good approach that most couples try to, you know, take in terms of having arguments with one another. You know that saying, ‘Never go to bed angry,’ right? 

Michael: Yes indeed.

Myrtle: But you know, right now, I’d like to ask Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to impart some biblical advice about maybe adjusting and learning in marriage through intercultural challenges or differences. 

Hello and how are you today, Brother Felmar? 

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! I’m doing well, thank you very much. And hello to Michael and Cindy, our guests today, and hello to all our listeners. 

So I’m really interested in this topic that we’re taking up: differences between husband and wife, culturally speaking, and how to handle those moments of frustration or anger that may come up in communication, right? So getting right to it, is it evil to feel angry?

We’ll start here in the book of Ephesians, chapter four, the verse is 26, in the Today’s English Version, I quote the following:

If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.

[Ephesians 4:26 Today’s English Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So becoming angry, in itself, is not evil. Anger is an emotion, a feeling, just like how sadness, joy, excitement, are also feelings. But according to the Bible, there is something we must be careful of after we become angry. What is it? “Do not let your anger lead you into sin.” What else does the Bible teach about anger? “Do not stay angry all day.”

Now, some might be thinking, “How do you do that? How do you stop yourself from committing sin when you’re angry? How do you stop yourself from staying angry all day?” Because we do see in the news, on the internet, even in scenarios in movies, right, where people give in to their anger. There are those who do allow themselves to be angry all day or all week. It’s like they purposely give themselves that time to be angry, sometimes for months or even years. However, according to the Bible, we should not live that way, especially when it comes to man and woman who have been joined by God in holy matrimony.

So going back to our question, “How can married couples ensure that those moments of frustration or anger don’t lead to sin and that no one stays angry all day?” We go now to the book of Proverbs, Chapter 14, verse 29, in The Living Bible, I quote:

A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes.

[Proverbs 14:29 The Living Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s be reminded that disagreements can happen in marriage. We actually did a whole episode on this in season one. Nobody, then, should be doubting their marriage or second guessing the love of their spouse, just because every now and then there are moments of friction. We all have flaws. So, communication in marriage isn’t going to be smooth sailing every single time. And this goes for everybody, by the way, not just husband and wife who are very different from each other ethnically speaking, like in the case of Michael and Cindy.

But do take note that if anyone is always arguing with their spouse, or if there is constant disharmony in one’s marriage, that’s a different issue. And we also discuss that in detail in our episode on disagreements, again in season one. But when it comes to handling the average arguing between husband and wife, so again let’s be reminded, what does the Bible teach us? How did the Bible break it down for us, so to speak? Number one: don’t allow your anger to lead you into sin. Number two: don’t stay angry all day. And three: control our temper.

Therefore, based on these teachings from the Bible, when arguments do happen, calling for a timeout is helpful. Would you agree, Michael and Cindy, that when those moments of friction arise, calling for that timeout, is a big help?

Cindy: Yes, Brother Felmar.


Michael: Yes, Brother Felmar, definitely.

Brother Felmar Serreno: There are times, you know, those heated discussions may happen, who usually calls for the timeout first. Is it Cindy or Michael? You’re both smiling now.

Cindy: [laughs] I think me.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Cindy, okay. Yeah, I’m sure all married couples, we take turns on that, right? But why is calling for that timeout helpful? Well, for starters, you get a chance to cool off or simmer down, you know, do some deep breathing and settle our emotions, because the Bible teaches us to control our temper. 

So we shouldn’t allow our temper or emotions to control us, especially to the point that we would commit sin by hurting our spouse physically, or even verbally by using harsh words, right, if our emotions would get the better of us.

So a timeout, or cooling off, will enable you to think things through, and that’s important because remember what the Bible said earlier, “anger causes mistakes.”

Now, what are some examples of things that you should be thinking through, right, during that timeout? If a recent argument is the result of your error, for example, so acknowledge it, right? Own it, take responsibility for it. Look, we’re not going to get it right every single time. Sometimes you’re right, but sometimes your spouse is right. So, when you’re the one who’s wrong, don’t make excuses for it. Don’t brush it to the side or play it down. Squash that ego. Apologize to the love of your life for your mistake and move on.

But what if your spouse is at fault, then why not compose in your mind the best and gentlest strategy on how to help your spouse understand his or her mistake? And then from there, why not you both plan together how to react better to a situation like this in the future should it come up again?

So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. Take care, everybody. God bless and we’ll see you all next time.

Myrtle: Once again, Brother Felmar, thank you for the words of God that continue to teach all of us and guide all the married couples.

Despite having different cultural upbringings and growing up speaking different languages, how has having the same faith, as members of the Church Of Christ, helped you in your marriage, Michael and Cindy?

Michael: First of all, we truly believe that God brought us together. He did this for a reason. So, we learned during our marriage seminars that challenges and difficulties will arise in our relationship, and if those difficulties will come, we need to pray and that’s also something we always do together. 

Cindy: Yes, and if there are differences and it leads to an argument, we always pray to our Almighty God. We pray for Him to help us, to give us understanding, and to give us more patience. And after we pray, we take our time to talk or to say sorry to each other. 

Myrtle: And that’s an important part of marriage, learning how to apologize. But are there things that you’re still trying to learn together or adapt to?

Cindy: I think we still haven’t yet learned how to completely communicate with one another, or at least find a way to do it easily, because we haven’t been married that long, or a little over six months. But day-to-day, we’re improving in our communication skills.

Michael: We try to learn by really explaining directly what we mean when we don’t understand each other, so that in the future, when the same problem or similar problems occurs, we will understand each other quicker and better.

Myrtle: Do you have any tips that you could share with other engaged couples or newlyweds who also might have a language barrier in their intercultural marriage?

Michael: There will be times of course that your patience will be tested. Moments will come where you will argue or disagree in something. But if you do have a little fight, cool down from one another, give each other some space, then try to fix the situation right away. Do your best to really express how you feel. And of course, always pray.

Cindy: And we’d also like to share that it was also challenging for both of our parents to communicate to each other. Sometimes it comes down to a form of sign language, gesturing, pointing or even showing kinds of pictures to try to express what they [are] actually meaning. 

We’re doing our best. For Michael and for myself, even though it can be annoying to repeat ourselves a lot, we try to explain and repeat again if [necessary] but in a calm way. If you get annoyed, it will only get worse, so it causes more problems and misunderstanding. So we also try to use some words that the other person knows in their mother language. That can sometimes help. We do our best to maintain our mutual love and respect, despite having different languages and cultures.

Michael: But of course, there’s also positive things. So for example, a positive thing about being in a multilingual marriage is that it’s helpful when we are traveling.

Myrtle: Well that’s very true. I would definitely consider that a plus if you speak two languages already, plus English, so very, very multilingual. But it’s kind of interesting too, Cindy, what you shared about your parents not understanding each other. I didn’t even think about that aspect. So how’s their communication improving? Is getting a little better, too?

Cindy: I think it’s getting better. We’re getting there. It was just actually funny, especially for my dad who had a hard time to speak in English, also for my mom. And the dad, for example, for Michael has a hard time to speak in English. So sometimes, he says words in Dutch and trying to explain it in English. So it’s very funny, but we’re getting there.

Myrtle: And like you said, showing pictures sometimes if needed, right? [laughs]

Cindy: Yes. Technology is actually helping us.

Myrtle: Yeah, I mean if we didn’t have these smartphones, who knows how we would communicate, right? It’s like there’s Google Translate now too, so that’s pretty awesome. 

But you know, I’d like to thank you both so much for being on Happy Life with us today and for sharing all of your experiences, your struggles, but also sharing that you’re still improving and learning from one another, and that’s really wonderful to hear.

Michael: Thank you, Myrtle, for having us. It was truly a pleasure to be here.

Cindy: Thank you so much, Myrtle for having us. It was a pleasure as well to meet you and have this discussion.

Myrtle: I think marrying someone from a different ethnic culture definitely makes you more open to learning and appreciating the differences in each other and can also help you relate to others better as well. Will there be times of frustration and misunderstanding because of language issues? Absolutely. But you can also continue to grow with one another, improve your own language and communication skills, and remember that your commitment to one another is for a lifetime.

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @HappyLife.podcast. 

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage.

[Show closes]

Posted in Christian Relationships, Common Problems, Happy Life, Podcast

New Making Changes Episodes Coming Soon!

New Making Changes Episodes Coming Soon!
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We’re back for season 2 starting on May 26th! We can’t wait for you to listen in on a whole new set of conversations about change, gratitude, and the lessons that come when your life takes a full 180.

Posted in Christian Living, Common Problems, Making Changes, Making Changes
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