Should we let our anger control our actions? A young mom has a hard time dealing with anger in a healthy way and asks for advice from the Bible.
Dealing With Anger
Brother Donald Pinnock: Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining us in another episode of the program, The Solution. I’m Brother Donald Pinnock. In today’s episode, we’re going to hear from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. In fact, she asked us to call her Kelly.
Kelly is having a very hard time dealing with anger in a healthy way. She wants to know how to regulate her emotions and communicate constructively, especially when she’s feeling frustrated and even angry. Let’s hear from Kelly.
Kelly: I rarely get angry, but when I do, I hurt myself. I feel like it’s the only way to relieve the pain and frustration that I would feel at that moment. My biggest trigger right now is when I feel underestimated or unheard. When the people I trust most are inconsiderate of my thoughts or feelings.
Kelly: I also get triggered when there’s a lot going on or if there’s a sudden problem that day or week. But mainly it’s when I feel frustrated with my situation at home.
Kelly: Right now, my family and I are living with my in-laws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to them, they welcomed me into their home, and I know how much they love and care for my baby. But we’re constantly disagreeing about so many things. Our opinions and our personalities often collide.
Kelly: And so whenever I want to say something to my in-laws, I just let my husband know so that he can talk to them. But there are times when my husband does not relay what I feel or think to my in-laws. Or he does. But they don’t understand me or are not considerate about what I think as a mother. That’s when my anger becomes too much for me to handle. I don’t scream or hurt anyone. I just hurt myself. I want to learn how to approach my family conflict, and how to deal with it in a healthy way.
Kelly: So I guess I really need to learn how I can deal with anger in a healthy way. How can I communicate, in an effective way, how I’m feeling without losing my temper or lashing out? What can I do to avoid feeling so angry and stop hurting myself?
Brother Donald Pinnock: So, Kelly, we are so glad that you made the effort to reach out to us. It’s very obvious that you’re going through an extremely difficult time in your life. And in fact, you’re looking for some guidance to get through it.
Brother Donald Pinnock: Now, of course, we would never claim that we have the solution to your dilemma. But rest assured, the Almighty God does. So let’s consult His advice or counsel as written in the Holy Scriptures for those who, like yourself, may be feeling overwhelmed by their circumstances and resorting to self-harm, as well as outbursts of anger in an attempt to relieve or vent their frustrations.
Brother Donald Pinnock: Now, though we may feel heavily burdened when it comes to the pressures on our personal life, we should turn to God in prayer and allow His words or teachings and promises to guide us in what we should do.
Brother Donald Pinnock: So, instead of hurting our bodies with self-harm, we should continue to keep our body healthy. For this is what the Bible teaches us here in I Thessalonians 5 and the verse is 23, and the Holy Scriptures makes known the following:
“I pray that God, who gives peace, will make you completely holy. And may your spirit, soul, and body be kept healthy and faultless until our Lord Jesus Christ returns.”
[1 Thessalonians 5:23 Contemporary English Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: So, definitely our Lord God wants His people to keep their bodies healthy. He wants us, in fact, to have a healthy body and mind. He does not want us to hurt or to resort to harming our bodies. Now, what is an important aspect of keeping ourselves healthy? Again, let us consult what the Bible teaches. Here in 1 Timothy, the chapter is four and the verse is eight. We can read this:
“Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is valuable in every way, because it promises life both for the present and for the future.”
[1 Timothy 4:8 Today’s English Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: We should notice, Kelly, and our dear viewers, that physical exercise has some value. So we should consider incorporating some form of physical exercise into our daily, if not weekly, routine.
Brother Donald Pinnock: However, we should consult with a doctor first to ensure that the exercise regimen we plan to embark upon is appropriate for our present age and health condition, coupled with proper nutrition and appropriate rest. This can only help in maintaining a healthy body and also even a healthy mind. As we can read from helpguide.org:
“Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through the release of endorphins.”
Brother Donald Pinnock: So, instead of resorting to harming ourselves, we should focus on how to maintain a healthy mind and body. Perhaps it is as simple as going for a walk or just getting on the floor and doing 20 pushups or even 50 jumping jacks.
Brother Donald Pinnock: A controlled physical exertion will help us to maintain an even keel in life, even if we face challenges from time to time. What is of greater importance, however, according to the verse that we just read, is none other than spiritual exercise. Since it, and we quote, “promises life both for the present and for the future.”
Brother Donald Pinnock: Now, how can one exercise spiritually? Well, let’s read what is written here in Proverbs, the chapter is 4 and the verses are 20 to 23:
“My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen to my words. Never let them get away from you. Remember them and keep them in your heart. They will give life and health to anyone who understands them. Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.”
[Proverbs 4:20-23 Today’s English Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: Because of this, obeying God’s words or teachings—please notice, Kelly, and also our dear viewers—will give one life and health. This is why the members of the Church Of Christ are always admonished to live in accordance with God’s commandments, because this will be for our physical and spiritual health.
Brother Donald Pinnock: It does not mean, however, that we will never experience illness or sickness. But whenever we do, we should follow the instruction of God, as stated here in James 5: 14-15:
“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”
[James 5:14-15 New King James Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: When Church Of Christ members are feeling sick or weak, whether physically, emotionally or even mentally drained, they request for the church officers who can pray for them and anoint them with oil. And coupled with that steadfast faith that the Lord, our God, can and will heal them, they are rewarded with the well-being that they are seeking.
Brother Donald Pinnock: Now, Kelly, you also asked, how can I communicate how I’m feeling without losing my temper or lashing out?
Brother Donald Pinnock: Well, first of all, Kelly, we have to consider that if we would speak harshly to others, inadvertently, we would be hurting the people who are the closest and most cherished in our life. For sure, you do not want to hurt emotionally your spouse, your children or other family members.
Brother Donald Pinnock: So we should heed the following biblical advice. Let’s read here in Ephesians 4 and the verse is 29 and the Bible states this:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
[Ephesians 4:29 New International Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: We should strive then to converse with others, especially when it comes to our dearly beloved family members, in a manner that will be beneficial and not detrimental to the listeners. If we do feel, however, that we are incapable of having a meaningful or civil conversation at any given time, perhaps we could politely explain to others that we prefer to talk at a later time when our emotions are not running so high.
Brother Donald Pinnock: We have to face the reality, however, that we can never be totally free from experiencing the pains, the stress and even the hardships of life. But this is the very reason why Church Of Christ members place their hope in the following promise of the Lord Jesus Christ, as recorded by the apostle John in his writing, chapter 16, the verses are 20 to 24:
“I tell you for certain that you will cry and be sad, but the world will be happy. You will be sad, but later you will be happy. When a woman is about to give birth, she is in great pain. But after it is all over, she forgets the pain and is happy, because she has brought a child into the world. You are now very sad. But later I will see you, and you will be so happy that no one will be able to change the way you feel. When that time comes, you won’t have to ask me about anything. I tell you for certain that the Father will give you whatever you ask for in my name. You have not asked for anything in this way before, but now you must ask in my name. Then it will be given to you, so that you will be completely happy.”
[John 16:20-24 Contemporary English Version]
Brother Donald Pinnock: The Lord Jesus Christ reminds us that even if His true followers, the members of His Church that bears His name, the Church Of Christ, would experience sadness and pains in this life, we must look forward to the day when He will return, because then we will be gifted with a joy or happiness that no one can take away from us.
Brother Donald Pinnock: And while waiting for that day, the Lord Jesus Christ reminds us of the paramount importance of prayer, that we should ask God for whatever we need in Christ’s name so that our request may be granted unto us.
Brother Donald Pinnock: Dear Kelly, we are inviting you, along with all those who are viewing this program, to experience the help that the members of the Church Of Christ receive from the Almighty God at all times, but especially in times of extreme challenges and adverse situations in life.
Brother Donald Pinnock: We invite you to join us when it comes to our Bible studies, whether online or in person, and learn more about the Church Of Christ. Experience the warmth of the members’ sincere concern and love for their fellow man. And discover the reason, firsthand, why the members of the Church are so optimistic, even in the most trying times. All because of God’s promised power and love.
Brother Donald Pinnock: We also invite those who may be going through a tough time right now to contact us directly with whatever problem or situation that you may be going through. And with the guidance of God’s words written in the Holy Bible, let’s find the solution together.
Brother Donald Pinnock: Dear friends, please stay safe. Stay strong and stay prayerful.