A Tired Mom’s Podcast helped me understand my husband

A Tired Mom’s Podcast helped me understand my husband

Theda Pilar-Pineda

Whether you are a young mom or wife or a not so young mom or wife, you are never in a place that you’ve got it all together. And even if you are doing relatively well, to hear something new and something to improve your married life is always a plus. Take for instance, I happened to catch a Tired Mom’s podcast entitled, “5 Ways to be a Better Wife” from the Faith and Family section in the incmedia.org and I learned something good. Thanks to this growing community of Christian mothers and wives who are able to share their experiences and thoughts on how they have gone through challenges and came out winning.

The podcast was a good session and honest-to-goodness relatable because the shared experiences were similar to what I had experienced (and most likely to many other women) and to some extent what’s happening between me and my husband. They laid down the tools on how to “read” our other half better. For example, the different love languages, a topic I wasn’t even familiar with. Sure, I may be already doing it but to recognize and understand it helps me value and employ it for a more harmonious relationship with my husband.

I learned that the 5 love languages are: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving/giving Gifts, and Touch. These languages of love are to be incorporated with other things to help our marriage to be healthy and Christian-like and these are: Men are not mind readers; Don’t dismiss our spouses’ efforts; Know and demonstrate love languages; Don’t be moody; and most of all, Pray for our spouse.

They say that everyone in this world is born with loads to carry but depending on who you are or your status in life, often times your load is multiplied. And when your load is multiplied, you might feel so burdened even though you are married. As for me I’m a mother of two young ladies and although they are grown, I’m still a mother and I’m involved with their lives. I work full time as a Nursing Supervisor working the night shift and I’m also with CEBSI in Hawaii. I’m taking care of my elderly and frail parents who are living with us. I have the responsibility of taking them to their doctor appointments, treatments, getting their groceries, preparing their food, and most of all, taking them to worship services. I believe the little time I have left with my spouse should not just be spent cleaning our home, but resting and just enjoying each other’s company. But this doesn’t always happen and I sometimes feel resentful.

One of the ladies in the podcast talked about her love language as having quality time with her spouse. This was a challenge for her because of the long hours her husband would spend at work, and this meant less time he would have with her. Although this made her feel neglected, she learned that she wasn’t the only one struggling. Her husband was having problems with doing well at the workplace. Most would see this as a problem. A husband and wife not being able to spend time with each other. But when you look deeper into the problem. It wasn’t about the lack of quality time. It was the way the husband expressed his love and learning to see it. Her love language was quality time. His was “acts of service”.

I realized that I have a similar problem– my love language is “gifting” because I buy or create things for my husband and I feel that I don’t need material gifts in return. However, I do want a clean room when he’s off from work. I do want him to clear and organize his space because I already do everything else in the house. So when I feel like these things can’t be done I am really disappointed with my husband. And that disappointment turns into sadness. I become stressed out even thinking that I still had to do all the cleaning on top of everything else I am responsible for.

Like the sister in the podcast, I failed to recognize that my husband and I don’t have the same personality.I also didn’t realize that, like her husband, showing “Acts of Service” was my husband’s way ofshowing his love for me. My husband takes it upon himself to wash all our dirty clothes each time he is off from work. He always gets me a snack or water when I’m too tired to get up. He also presses and prepares my nursing uniform. He prepares a bag with snacks before I leave for work. He helps me get dressed, putting on my socks and hurrying me along to work,especially during the colder season, when I don’t really feel like going.

After listening to a podcast like this, it reminds me that there is room for improvement in every marriage. It’s not enough that you don’t fight over small things or you are just passively dealing with things; it’s important to recognize your differences with your husband and to know that love is not lost. Just because he doesn’t do what you wish for him to do, it does not mean he doesn’t love you. It’s okay when you feel that you’re the only one exerting a lot of effort in making your relationship peaceful. You may not understand it at first, but your husband is exerting a lot of effort, too. His love language may just be different from yours. It’s perfectly fine to let him know what you feel and what you need because he is not a mind reader. If there is anything you should have in common, it’s this… prayer. God will give the qualities to you both to make your marriage work.

I needed this podcast not only for myself but for my marriage, my children, and my faith. Podcasts like this are a helpline. And to think that it’s readily available to us would give any wife and mother relief. It is easy to access and you can listen to it while doing your one hundred and one chores. In the Church Of Christ, our ministers have a wealth of spiritual advice. However, there is also value in a community whose members are mothers and wives. Women who share the same faith and where the solutions offered are specialized, as well as relatable. By having a podcast with these group of women, it also shows the heart of the Church Administration. They are willing to further aid the brethren not only in their spiritual well-being but also their emotional and social well-being.